象猪交配/剧本

梗概

冷知识

图册

剧本

在线观看

诺亚基舟

象猪交配/剧本

寻死

出场角色

• Stan Marsh
• Kyle Broflovski
• Eric Cartman
• Kenny McCormick
• Ms. Crabtree
• Mr. Garrison
• Mr. Hat
• Bebe Stevens
• Pip Pirrip
• Clyde Donovan
• Terrance Mephesto
• Bill Allen
• Fosse McDonald
• Shelly Marsh
• Jesus Christ
• Mephesto
• Kids
• Big Stan
• Chef
• Elton John
• Jimbo Kern
• Officer Barbrady
• Randy Marsh
• Sharon Marsh

剧本

象猪交配
	Bus Stop.
Cartman	Hey Stan, where'd you get that black eye?
Stan	Nothing, I mu-I mean, nowhere.
Cartman	Your sister beat you up again, huh?
Stan	No!
Cartman	Eheh, you know, heh, your sister kicked your ass.
Stan	She's just pissed off 'cause she got headgear at the dentist. She's taking it out on me.
Kyle	Yeah, but that sucks, to get your butt kicked by a girl, Stan.
Cartman	I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like, "hey, you get your bitch ass back in the kitchen, and make me some pie!"
Stan	My parents don't even believe that she beats me up. They think she's all innocent and sweet, but I know that she's an evil bitch!
Cartman	Be a man Stan. Just say, "Hey woman, ye-you shut your mouth and make babies."
Stan	Hey Kyle, what's that elephant doing?
	The camera pulls back to get the elephant in the picture.
Kyle	You mean this one?
Stan	Yeah.
Kyle	He's my new pet elephant.
Stan	Whoa dude! Where'd you get a pet elephant?
Kyle	I got it mail ordered from Africa. The ad said it would take 4 to 6 weeks, but it only took three.
Stan	Wow, that's cool!
Kyle	No it's not cool! My mom won't let me keep him in the house. She says he's too big, and that his poop is bigger than our couch.
Cartman	That's why my mom got me a pot-bellied pig. Cause its poop is small.
Kenny	(Hey you guys, I talked to Garrison and he told me that they're almost the same.)
Stan	Well yeah, but pigs aren't smart, like elephants.
	Ms. Crabtree's bus arrives.
Ms. Crabtree	Hey. Wait a minute. What is that thing?
Kyle	Uh, oh, this, this is, the new retarded kid.
Ms. Crabtree	Oh—I'm sorry little girl. But you still can't get on. You have to take the special ed bus.
	Shot of retarded kid bus. Retarded noises of protest are heard.
Kyle	Boy, it looks like you're not welcome anywhere elephant. See ya.
	He enters the bus with Stan and Kenny.
Cartman	[Entering.] If a woman ever gave me crap, I'd say, "Hey, you go do my laundry and-"
Ms. Crabtree	SIT DOWN KID!!!
Cartman	[Stung.] Yes ma'am.
	Mr. Garrison's Classroom.
Mr. Garrison	And now children, our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us all about genetic engineering.
Mr. Hat	That's right Mr. Garrison, genetic engineering is an exciting new science. You can splice the DNA from some animals, and make them better.
Kyle	Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison	Yes Kyle.
Kyle	With genetic engineering, can you make an elephant smaller?
Mr. Garrison	Well, uh, ye, yes, I suppose you could. You could, splice elephant genes with a dog, or cat, or a, pot-bellied pig genes.
Kyle	That's it. I'm going to combine my elephant with a pot-bellied pig and make...pot-bellied elephants.
	The class gasps.
Kyle	They'd be smart like elephants, but small like pigs.
Stan	That'd be cool!
Bebe	I want a pot-bellied elephant.
Pip	Yes, I'll pay fifty dollars for one.
Terrance Mephesto	That's stupid.
Kyle	Shut up Terrance, we can geneti-cal engineer anything we want.
Terrance	Oh yeah, I bet I can genetically clone a whole human being before you crossbreed and elephant and a pig.
Kyle	I'll bet you can't.
Terrance	Watch me plebeian.
Mr. Garrison	Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie. Isn't this exciting, two A+ students in a cloning war.
Mr. Hat	Yes Mr. Garrison, genetic engineering lets us correct God's horrible, horrible mistakes, like German people.
Mr. Garrison	You know, you boys might want to visit the Genetic Engineering Ranch outside of town for some help. And you could both use this for your science fair projects next month.
	The bell rings. Most of the class leaves, but the boys stay behind.
Kyle	Genetic Engineering Ranch! Sweet!
Stan	Wait, wait. We still need a pig.
Kyle	We can use Cartman's pig.
Cartman	Ehh, you leave Fluffy out of this!
Kyle	We're not gonna hurt her, we just need some of her blood.
Cartman	You're not using any of Fluffy's blood, or else I'll kick you in the nuts. Kyle, Kyle no!
	The boys leave.
	Mr. Garrison steps forward to stop Stan.
Mr. Garrison	Uh, uhuh, Stanley, can I talk to you for a minute?
Stan	Okay.
Mr. Garrison	I couldn't help but notice that black eye you have. Are there problems at home?
Stan	[Despondantly.] Yes...
Mr. Garrison	Oh dear. Here Stanley, sit down, have some cocoa, and tell your friend Mr. Hat all about it.
	Stan sits down.
Mr. Hat	I'm your friend, Mr. Hat, Stan. You can tell me anything. Now, who hits you, is it your father, or your mother?
Stan	Oh, neither. It's my sister.
Mr. Garrison	[Indignantly.] Your sister?! Oh for Pete's sake, don't be such a little wuss. Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time with pansy little foo-foo problems, and, give me back my cocoa!
	Stan's house. A TV is heard.
Jesus	Let's open the phone lines back up for some questions...
	Shelly turns to see Stan coming out of the sofa's shadow.
Shelly Marsh	Hey!
Robert	Yeah, is this Jesus?
Jesus	Yes, my son.
Stan	Hi Shelly.
Shelly	Are you looking at my headgear?
Stan	Headgear? What headgear?
Shelly	Are you looking at my headgear?
Stan	Oh, uh gosh uh, I didn't really notice.
	Shelly gets up and glowers at him.
Shelly	You little liar.
	She starts advancing, and Stan starts retreating.
Stan	No, I think it looks terrific. It matches your AAAAAH!
	Stan turns to run, but she has his arm, she proceeds to beat the living hell out of him. She tosses him down the stairs into the basement, then approaches the doorway. He climbs out, but she flips him back towards the living room, then goes for the TV and drops it on his head. After the TV shorts out, he removes it, but she throws him like a basketball out the window, where his friends are waiting.
Kyle	Ready to go Stan?
Stan	Go where?
Kyle	To the Genetical Engineering Ranch.
Kyle	We got Cartman's pig so we can splice its genes with my elephant's.
Cartman	Nobody's splicin' nothing from Fluffy!
	From the broken window.
Shelly	I swear I'm gonna kill you Stan!
Kyle	Why's your sister so mean to you dude?
Cartman	Yeah, if some sissy chick tried to kick my ass, I'd be all like, "Hey, listen, missy, eh, yewhy don't you go knit me sweater before I slap you in the face!"
	She appears at the broken window.
Shelly	Who said that?
	All stay quiet. Cartman points to Kenny.
	South Park Engineering Ranch, night. The boys approach the entrance.
Kyle	This must be it.
	Lightning strikes the ranch.
Cartman	[A bit wary.] Well, looks like nobody's home. Guess we should come back some other time.
Kyle	No, Cartman, we're going in there and splicing Fluffy and my elephant together.
Cartman	It's okay Fluffy, I won't let them hurt you.
Kyle	It's just a stupid pig.
Stan	Yeah, quit being such a baby.
Cartman	Baby?! Well, at least I don't get my ass kicked by a girl!
Stan	At least I'm not a little pig-fucker!
Cartman	Hey! I'm taking my pig and...Screw you guys! I'm going home! This whole idea's stupid anyway.
Kyle	What the hell would you know you fat sweaty mongoloid, you never get higher than a 'D'!
Cartman	Hey! Why don't you go back to San Francisco with the rest of the Jews?!
Kyle	There's no Jews in San Francisco, you retard!
Cartman	I'll kick you in the nuts!
Dr. Alphonse Mephesto	Can I help you?
	The boys all gasp, and Kenny pulls his hood closed.
Kenny	Mmmmmm!
Kyle	Uh... yeah... we want to crossbreed an elephant with a pig.
Mephesto	Brilliant idea, huge elephant-sized pigs.
Kyle	No, no, no. We want to make little pot-bellied elephants that people can keep in their houses as pets.
Mephesto	Ohh, that's an even better idea. Come on in.
	Inside the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch.
Mephesto	I'm so pleased that you children are interested in genetic engineering.
Cartman	Eh, it's okay Fluffy, nobody's going to hurt you.
Mephesto	It's thanks to the wonders of genetic engineering that soon there will be an end to hunger, disease, pollution, even war. I have created things that will change the world for the better. For instance, here is a monkey with four asses.
Monkey	Mhhh.
Kyle	How does that make the world better?
Mephesto	And here, of course, is my four assed ostrich. And my four assed mongoose.
Stan	Do you have anything besides just animals with four asses?
Mephesto	Oh, uh, I suppose so uh. Oh yes, over here. Here I have rats splice with ducks, and gorillas spliced with mosquitos, and here I have rabbits spliced with fish to make little bunnyfish.
Cartman	Heyyy, these bunny ears are tied on with little strings.
Mephesto	And over here, Swiss cheese spliced with chalk, and a beard.
Kyle	Well, what about our pot-bellied elephant?
Mephesto	Oh. Well I'm sorry children, but, pig and elephant DNA just won't splice. Haven't you ever heard that song by 'Loverboy'?
Kyle	Which song is that?
Mephesto	Diindoon - pig and elephant DNA just won't splice! Although, maybe I could help you add a few asses to that swine of yours.
Cartman	You can keep your hands off of Fluffy's ass!
Mephesto	You know, it's amazing what we can do with a little blood sample these days.
	Mephesto pricks Stan with the syringe.
Stan	Ow!
Mephesto	Hmm? What? Oh, excuse me.
Kyle	Wait, what are you taking Stan's blood for?
Mephesto	Oh, pardon me, I tripped. Could I have some hair please?
Kyle	Watch out Stan! Genetic engineers are crazy.
	The boys quickly move away.
Cartman	Come on Fluffy!
	Fluffy Squeals.
	Inside the Cafeteria.
Kid 1	This fish is just hurting my anus.
Kid 2	Naw, it's pretty fresh.
Cartman	UUuuhh. I sure am hungry.
Pip	'Ello gentlemen, any of you blokes know what's for lunch today?
	Silence. The boys stare back.
Pip	Lunchy munchies, hmmm?
Cartman	Go away, Pip! Nobody likes you!
Kyle	Yeah, what kind of name is Pip anyway?!
Pip	Well, my father's family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name being Phillip, my infant tongue...
Cartman	God Damnit, would you shut the hell up?! Nobody gives a rat's ass.
Stan	Yeah! Go away, Pip!
Pip	Righto.
	Pip walks off.
Cartman	Gah, French people piss me off.
	Terrance, Bill, & Fosse Approach.
Terrance	Hey dumb-asses. You morons give up on your stupid science fair project yet?
Kyle	No! We're already halfway done.
Terrance	Halfway? Then all you've got is a stupid pig.
Bill	Yeah, it's probably a gay pig too.
Fosse	Stupid gay pig.
Kyle	It's more than you've got!
Terrance	Wroong. We've already got our human clone well under way.
	One of the bullies opens a bag and drops it. A foot pops out.
Kyle	Oh my God! They cloned a foot.
	The foot kicks Cartman in the face.
Cartman	Ugh!... Hey! I'll kick your ass!
	Cartman kicks it away, and it lands in Pip's lunch tray and bounces away.
Pip	Eho!
Terrance	By Friday, we're gonna clone a whole human being. Good luck with your stupid little pig.
	In the kitchen
Chef	Hello there children.
Kyle	Hey Chef.
Chef	How you doin'?
Boys	Bad.
Chef	Why bad?
Kyle	We need to genetically engineer our pig and an elephant, but their genes won't splice.
Chef	Ahhhh, of course they won't splice children. Haven't you ever heard that song by 'Loverboy'?
Chef	Dooodnnndoodnn - A pig and an elephant DNA just won't... A pig-elephant. Say, now that's not a bad idea.
Kyle	I told you guys.
Chef	Imagine, a pint sized elephant that you could keep in the house. Children, we could make a fortune with this.
Kyle	You hear that dudes? We'll be rich!
Chef	Forget about all that genetic engineering whoosafudge. If you want to combine a pig and an elephant, just get them to make sweeet love.
Cartman	Whaaat?!
Stan	I don't think an elephant would make love to a pig.
Cartman	I don't think my pig would want to make love to that stupid elephant.
Chef	Sure they would. But you're gonna have to get 'em in the mood.
Stan	So how do we do that?
Chef	Do what I do, get 'em goood and drunk.
	Boys get off the bus later that day.
Stan	Hey uh, you guys want to come over to my house?
Kyle	We've got work to do Stan, I think it takes a while for an elephant to get drunk.
Stan	Really, you, you guys don't want to come over for just a little bit?
Cartman	Why? Is your sister gonna kick your ass again?
Stan	Shut up Cartman!
Kenny	(Or are you gonna hit her with your hand?)
Kyle	Yeah Stan, she's just a girl.
Cartman	Yeah, if some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, "hey, why don't you stop dressin' me up like a mailman, annnd making me dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know, on my dad's bed!"
	Astonished looks from the other guys.
Stan	Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?!
Cartman	I'm just saying you're just a little wuss, that's all.
Kyle	Stan, you can use family love as a weapon against Shelly. The next time she's gonna kick your ass, just tell her, "Shelly, you're my sister, and I love you."
Kenny	("And I want to see you handling your breasts.")
Stan	Sick dude, she's my sister.
Kyle	Try it. We'll see you in a while, we got to go get Cartman's pig.
Cartman	No, you don't gotta get Cartman's pig! You leave Fluffy out of this!
Kyle	Come on Kenny.
Cartman	Kyle no, seriously. No fuckin' elephant is going to make love to my Fluffy, I... Kyle, I will kick you in the nnnnuts.
Stan	Crap.
	Stan's house. Stan sneaks through the front door.
TV Voice	And now back to Jesus and Pals on South Park Public Access...
Shelly	Are you staring at my neck-brace?
Stan	No, I mean, yes, I mean, what neck-brace?
	She jumps off the sofa and grabs him by the throat.
Stan	Shelly, before you beat my face into a bloody pulp again, I just want you to know that... that you're my sister, and I love you.
	Shelly smiles, Stan smiles, it looks like she's gonna let him go... yeah, right! She throws him off to a clear space on the floor, where he lies defeated.
Stan	No. Ahh! Someday, Shelly, I'm gonna be bigger than you, and you're gonna wish you'd never done any of this to me.
Shelly	You'll never be bigger than me Stan. Never!
	Inside the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch.
	Mephesto is marveling at his creation.
Mephesto	Beautiful, it's absolutely beautiful. My son, I think we've finally done it.
	A fetal version of Stan is seen in the incubator.
Terrance	Yes, we have dad. My very own human clone.
Bill	Hopefully not a gay clone.
Fosse	Yeah, that was stupid.
Bill	Stupid.
Fosse	That was stupid.
	Out in the hills somewhere, Kyle is pumping a keg that the elephant is drinking from.
Kyle	Come on elephant, keep drinking.
Stan	Damn, I wonder how drunk he needs to be to make sweet love to the pig.
	Fluffy is drinking from a trough labeled "Beer".
Kyle	Dammit! This is never gonna work.
	Chef comes into view.
Chef	Hello children. I thought I'd check and see how our little entrepreneurial venture is going.
Kyle	Rotten, they're both really drunk, but the won't have sex.
Chef	Ohh, children, you just can't stick a drunk pig with a drunk elephant, and, and, expect them to do the mattress mambo. You need to set the mood.
	He moves over to a boombox with a mic attached.
Chef	Let me show you boys what I'm talking about. Tonight is a-right for love, you know I -- want tuh touch you where the lights don't go. Tonight is a-right for love, love gravy. Expressing love so sweet. I want tuh -- keep you burnin' like a dog in heat. Tonight is a-right for love, love graaavaaay.
	The elephant and pig approach each other. Fluffy smiles at the elephant, then turns around in order to receive him.
Chef	Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!
	Enter Elton John. Intermingled shots of Fluffy and elephant getting interested.
Elton John	Oooo tonight Oooo it's all right Oooo tonight is right for love, love gravy.
	The boys applaud
Chef	Thank you Elton.
	slowing the tempo. Houses all over the hill show couples embracing.
Chef	Tonight is right for love, love graaavaaaaaay.
	Elephant is about to mount Fluffy.
Kyle	Hey look! It's working.
Chef	Now children, gather around, and watch the wonders of life. The beauty of Mother Nature.
	Squish. Squeals follow.
Kyle	Aah!
Stan	Sick!
Cartman	Fluffy!
Chef	Hmm, now I know how all those white women must have felt.
	Squealing continues.
	Inside the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch. A big mutant version of Stan is in the incubator, with a very long left arm.
Mephesto	How luscious. Our creature has come to fruition, boys.
Terrance	Dad, you're the best.
Mephesto	Oh my God! He only has one ass. He's of no use to me, I'll have to burn the room.
	Big Stan breaks out of the incubator.
Mephesto	Oh no, this entire experiment is turning out very bad.
Big Stan	Me bad??
	Big Stan throws four-assed frog against wall, killing it.
Mephesto	Eeegads, he's out of control. We'll have to destroy him.
Terrance	But he's our science fair project!
Big Stan	Uhhh, me baad, aba-ba-chewy-chomp.
Mephesto	He's too dangerous son.
Terrance	But dad! I want a human clone.
Mephesto	Son, no.
	Big Stan jumps through window, then tears down the ranch gate entrance.
Mephesto	Oh son, you've made a horrible mistake. You've put all the people of South Park in jeopardy.
Terrance	They're all stupid anyway. Come on guys, let's go.
Bill	Yeahh, they're all gay.
	Back on the Hill. Shot of Fluffy and elephant sleeping together.
Kyle	Aren't they ever gonna wake up?
Chef	Oh, they will. It's gonna be one uuuugly sight.
Kyle	I thought you said the wonder of Mother Nature was a beautiful thing.
Stan	Yeah, when does Mother Nature go from beautiful to ugly?
Chef	Usually about 9:30 in the morning, children.
	The elephant begins to wake up.
Chef	Uh oh, here we go.
	Elephant looks down at Fluffy with surprise and bellows.
Chef	Yeahhh, there's nothing worse than getting all drunk and waking up the next morning next to a pig.
	Fluffy looks up at elephant, begins crying.
Chef	Or a big fat elephant.
Kyle	Hey, how do we know if she's pregnant?
Chef	Well boys, we might not know that for a couple of days.
Kyle	Couple of days? But Terrance is going to have his human clone by tomorrow.
Cartman	Well, good job Einstein, why don't we just build a rocket in the meantime?
	Kyle punches Cartman.
Cartman	Hey!
	Mephesto approaches.
Mephesto	Oh thank Buddha I found you boys. You must tell me, have you seen anything odd lately?
Stan	Uh, we saw an elephant have sex with a pig.
Mephesto	No, no, I said odd.
Chef	Hey, you're that crazy cracker from up on the hill.
Mephesto	Sir, if making mutant animals spliced with humans is crazy... then... uhhhhh... hmmm... oh, nevermind. I'm afraid there's been a bit of an incident at the ranch. You see, I've created a large mutant clone of that little boy there, and he's broken free.
Kenny	(A big mutant Stan?!)
Stan	A big mutant version of me?
Kyle	Is he bigger than a regular clone?
Mephesto	He's terribly dangerous. His brain is identical to yours. I need you to help me find him.
	Downtown South Park. Big Stan is wreaking havoc on the town. People are running in fear. Big Stan has a car in one hand, he's destroying it. A woman screams. Big Stan tosses car aside effortlessly.
Big Stan	Ah chewy-chewy-chomp.
Woman	Oh my Gooodd!
Mr. Garrison	Stan, are you wearing a different hat?
Big Stan	Uhhhyahhuhhh.
	picks up Mr. Garrison and begins beating him against the ground
Mr. Garrison	Hey, I know a certain young man who's itching for a detention.
	Big Stan throws Mr. Garrison aside.
Mr. Garrison	Aaaaaah!
	Mr. Garrison flies through Jimbo's Guns window.
Mr. Garrison	Ooooh.
	Boys in Downtown South Park.
Kyle	How big do you think he is?
Stan	I bet he weighs four hundred pounds.
Kyle	Come on Stan, don't you even know where you would go?
Kenny	(Look at that! What's he doin'?)
Stan	Oh my God!
Townsman	Aaaah!
	Big Stan is running by with two people in his arms.
	Newscaster on TV.
Tom	It appears that the horrible, destructive creature is actually eight-year old Stan Marsh of South Park. When asked why he was wreaking so much havoc on his home town, the little boy replies simply, "Me Stan, ba-chomp, ba-chewy-chomp, ba-chewy-chomp. Back to you in the studio.
TV Newscaster	Thanks Tom, police are requesting that if you see this little eight-year old boy you immediately kill him and burn his body. That's all for now.
TV Voice	Now back to Jesus and Pals.
Jesus	-- Yea, the way is paved with gold for ye who seek truth and-
	Big Stan breaks through wall on set of show.
Big Stan	Ba-ba-chomp-betchaba-chewy-chewy-chomp-aaah.
Jesus	Jesus!
Big Stan	its-to-the-left-mayoueyea.
	On the streets of South Park. Officer Barbrady is directing traffic.
Stan	Officer Barbrady, my evil genetic clone is destroying the town. We have to find him.
Officer Barbrady	You boys have been watching the "X-Files" too much, there's no such thing as genetic clone -
Big Stan	Ahhhh.
	Big Stan grabs Officer Barbrady and throws him into nearby pond.
Officer Barbrady	Whoa! [From under the surface.] Listen, uh, you kids go on home, there's nothing to see here.
Kyle	Come on, let's go!
	Stan's Uncle Jimbo approaches.
Jimbo	There you are! Stanley, you tore up my entire gun shop, you better have a good explanation for this mister!
Stan	It wasn't me Uncle Jimbo, it was my evil genetic clone.
	Mr. Garrison walks up looking like hell.
Mr. Garrison	Stanley, what the hell has gotten in to you?! You have got severe lunchroom duty mister!
Jimbo	I'm gonna go have a word with your father Stanley.
Mr. Garrison	Yeah, you wait 'til your father hears about this.
Kyle	Wait, Stan, there he goes.
Stan	Stop!
Big Stan	Ahhh, ba-ba-chomp?
Kyle	He recognizes you dude.
Stan	That's good, that's good dude. Just calm down.
	Big Stan is now seated in the road.
Big Stan	Ba-chomp, eh mee ahh jaran.
Kyle	What should we do with him?
	Stan looks at Big Stan, then smiles mischievously.
Stan	Stan, how would you like to go home and meet your sister?
Big Stan	Ahhhh, yeahhh.
	Outside Stan's house. The boys and Big Stan approach the front door. Sparky can be seen off to the side.
Stan	...So remember, Shelly's the one with the big wire coming out of her mouth and a metal plate on her back. When you see Shelly, kick her ass. Shelly bad, Shelly very bad.
Big Stan	Me bad??
Stan	No! Shelly bad, you good.
	Big Stan proceeds to destroy the house.
Stan	He's tearing up the house, stop him!
	Big Stan is hitting a chair against the ground. Kenny runs towards Big Stan, who uses the chair to chuck him into the microwave in the kitchen. The microwave starts up, cooking Kenny.
Stan	Come on Kyle, Cartman.
	The boys run at Big Stan, and he knocks each one aside.
Big Stan	Ah.
Shelly	What the hell do you want?
Big Stan	Chewy-chewy-chomp.
	Shelly head butts him onto the ground.
Big Stan	Ahhh. Uhhh.
	Mephesto rushes in followed shortly by Terrance with Bill & Fosse.
Mephesto	Boys! Boys, I'm lusciously sorry for everything.
Terrance	Hey, they've got our clone. He belongs to us.
Mephesto	No son, this beast is a disgrace to genetic engineers everywhere. Boys, I'm sorry I've caused you such - inconvenience. I tried to play God, and I failed.
	Mephesto shoots Big Stan through the head.
Terrance	Daddy! Nooooo!
Mephesto	All I ever wanted was to genetically engineer something useful, but I failed. Perhaps we shouldn't be toying with God's creations. Perhaps we should just leave nature alone, to its simple one assed schematics.
Terrance	You cheating bastards. This isn't over, just wait until tomorrow.
	Kyle just now noticed something.
Kyle	Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!
	Stan sees his parents drive up.
Stan	Mom and dad are home. My house is a disaster, you guy- you guys have got to help me.
Cartman	I ain't helpin' crap! I want to eat some paeh.
Stan	You can't just leave me here alone.
Cartman	Oh yeah, watch me. [Zips away.]
Kyle	Yeah Stan, we have to go find out if Cartman's pig is pregnant or not. See ya. [Leaves.]
Stan	Thanks a lot.
Shelly	Ohh boy, you are gonna get it now.
	Jimbo and Mr. Garrison are shown outside, talking to Stan's parents.
Stan	It isn't fair! Everybody hates me! The whole town wants me killed! Mom and dad are gonna send me away! I don't want to be sent away! I want to stay here! Eehhhehehe!
	Randy and Sharon enter.
Randy	Stanley, what, what in God's name have you been doing?
Sharon Marsh	Everybody in town is upset with you young man. What's going on? Are you on drugs?
Shelly	It's not Stan's fault.
Randy	Huh?
Shelly	It wasn't Stan, he was... it was with me the whole time.
Randy	Oh, well Stan, we're uh, we're sorry we jumped to conclusions.
Sharon	Oh honey, please forgive us son.
Stan	Shelly, you, you saved my life. And yet, you've done so much more than that. Today you've taught me the meaning of family. Sure, families don't always get along, but when the forces of evil descend upon us, we conquer them, by sticking together.
	Shelly begins beating the crap out of Stan.
Stan	Uh, ahh, oooh.
	rats drag away Kenny's charred corpse as Shelly takes a lawnmower to Stan's face.
	Mr. Garrison's Class. The science projects are due.
Mr. Garrison	Everyone, let's give K. C. and his weed a big hand.
	Only Clyde claps.
Mr. Garrison	Okay Kyle, we're ready to see your science project.
Kyle	Well, our pig hasn't given birth yet, but she should anytime now.
Mr. Garrison	Oh, well then I guess you get an 'F'. Okay, Terrance, I know the class can hardly wait to see your science fair project.
Terrance	Thank you Mr. Garrison. Boys, Mr. Garrison, fellow students, for our science fair project Bill, Fosse, and I have spawned a creature genetically far superior to man. I present to you, the five-assed monkey.
	Shot of Monkey with five asses.
Monkey	Ahhheh.
Mr. Garrison	Oh, Mr. Hat, isn't it beautiful.
	More students clap.
Stan	Wait, wait, the pig just gave birth. It, it had a baby!
Kid 1	It had a baby?
Kid 2	Oh wow!
Clyde	What's it look like?
Kyle	Does it look like a pig, or an elephant?
Cartman	Hey, it kind of looks like Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison	Ohh, uh, gee, isn't that an amazing coincidence? Hmm, what are the odds of that?
Hat	Hmmm. You boys get first prize.
Cartman	That'll do pig.
象猪交配 结束