次等神器
次等神器是游戏内最常见，也是最先出现的神器，除了提升队伍的属性之外，它们还能提供队伍特殊性质。次等神器能够给队伍提供的特性包括绝招提速，击退加成和状态伤害三种增幅。
以获得方式的不同，我们将次等神器分为两种：可收集神器和可制造神器。
注：可能会错过的神器将以粗体标明，以引起注意。
可收集神器
可收集神器就是在游戏中可以通过寻找等方法获取，没有配方的神器，他们都有很明确的属性，战力和特性增幅。获得它们的方法不一，包括在战斗胜利后掉落，通过剧情发展给予，支线任务赠送，通过翻找寻获，有些也可以直接在商店买到。不过注意，有些商店卖的东西独一无二，其他的地方都找不到。
| 图片 | 名称 | 战力 | 特性 | 获得方法 |
|---|---|---|---|---|
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Junior Coon Friend Gyro | 15 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +11 | Obtained from the mission Birth of a Coon Friend. |
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Wasteland Velocitor | 15 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +11, Knockback Combo +26%, Ultimate Recovery +4% | Loot from the bag hidden in a snow pile located next to Bebe's House. |
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Armageddon Leaf | 20 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +15 | Defeat the Sixth Graders in the mission Rise of the Fourthies. |
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Pride of Nippopolis | 25 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Knockback Combo +105% | Bring down the item down to the floor inside the master bedroom of Kyle's House with Snap N Pops, then loot it. |
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Anarchic Receptor | 25 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Status Effect +10%, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Randomly dropped by Chaos Kids after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 1 in-game. |
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Chromatic Corruptor | 25 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Knockback Combo +44%, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Randomly dropped by Raisins Girls after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 1 in-game. |
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Repulsor Vial | 25 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Knockback Combo +44%, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Randomly dropped by Sixth Graders after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 1 in-game. |
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Compendium of Chests | 25 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Ultimate Recovery +14% | Loot it from one of the drawers of the mayor's office inside South Park City Hall. |
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Vitality Chalice | 25 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Ultimate Recovery +15% | Defeat the Raisins Girls in the mission Mosquito in a Honey Pot. |
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Terrorizing Blade | 30 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +22, Knockback Combo +52%, Ultimate Recovery +9% | Defeat Mr. Daniels in the mission Operation: Just 'Cause. |
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Hate Forge | 30 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +22, Status Effect +12%, Knockback Combo +52% | Defeat the rednecks in the mission The Talk. |
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Purity Bond | 31 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +23, Status Effect +12%, Ultimate Recovery +9% | Defeat the priests in the mission A Touch of Faith. |
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Amulet of Contemplation | 33 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +24, Status Effect +20% | Loot from the chest located inside the passcode protected storage room inside South Park Church. |
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Precarious Penetrator | 35 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +26, Status Effect +18% | Open the bathtub pipe with Snap N Pops inside the bathroom of Big Gay Al's House, then drop the plunger into the bathtub. Collect it once it has floated above the water inside the bathtub. |
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Sonic Fecalizer | 35 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +26, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +3% | Purchase it from any General Vendor store. |
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Flask of Orgasmic Power | 35 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +26, Status Effect +8%, Ultimate Recovery +9% | Purchase it from any Food Vendor store. |
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Mouth of Malice | 35 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +26, Ultimate Recovery +24% | Purchase it from Photo Dojo. Note: This artifact is solely available inside Photo Dojo, it cannot be purchased anywhere else. |
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Vessel of Bacchus | 40 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +30, Status Effect +8%, Knockback Combo +35% | Defeat Beer Drunk Randy in the mission A Randy Mystery. |
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Bedazzling Orb | 40 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +30, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Loot it from the chest located near the entrance of the management office inside Peppermint Hippo. |
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Reaming Rod of Gargantua | 40 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +30, Status Effect +6%, Knockback Combo +26% | Purchase it from the bar inside Peppermint Hippo. Note: This artifact is solely available inside Peppermint Hippo, it cannot be purchased anywhere else. |
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Alien Probe Mk. II | 40 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +30, Status Effect +20% | Obtained from the DLC Relics of Zaron. |
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Wreath of Elf Ears | 40 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +30, Ultimate Recovery +15% | Obtained from the DLC Relics of Zaron. |
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Hoops of Wonder | 42 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +31, Status Effect +8%, Knockback Combo +26% | Randomly dropped by Raisins Girls after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 2 in-game. |
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Ego Blaster | 44 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +33, Knockback Combo +37%, Ultimate Recovery +4% | Randomly dropped by Sixth Graders after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 2 in-game. |
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Probability Scrambler | 44 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +33, Status Effect +6%, Ultimate Recovery +6% | Randomly dropped by Chaos Kids after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Night 2 in-game. |
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Dreidel of Vengeance | 45 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +33, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +6% | Defeat Kyle's mom and Human Kite 2 in the mission Alternate Universes Collide Again. |
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Banner of Exile | 50 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +37, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Defeat the guard and his backups in the mission Operation: Blind Justice. |
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Shield of the Shining Eagle | 54 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +40, Knockback Combo +44%, Ultimate Recovery +3% | Complete the missions Operation: Just 'Cause and Operation: Blind Justice. |
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Mischievous Rhombus | 56 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +42, Knockback Combo +26%, Ultimate Recovery +4% | Randomly dropped by Raisins Girls after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 3 in-game. |
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Sanity Siphon | 60 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45 | Defeat the bums of SoDoSoPa in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos. |
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Continuum Enforcer | 60 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Knockback Combo +42%, Ultimate Recovery +2% | Enter the warehouse next to where the shining mask is seen on the floor inside U-Stor-It. Inside the warehouse, destroy the large clock by exploding the fireworks box situated next to it, then drag the ladder all the way to the left. Climb it up and loot it from the bag at the very left in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos. |
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Diabolic Inscription | 60 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Status Effect +2%, Knockback Combo +42% | Defeat General Disarray in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos. |
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Trinity of Reflection | 60 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Status Effect +2%, Ultimate Recovery +7% | Inside a warehouse which contains a moat of electrified water in U-Stor-It, activate Timefart Pause and loot it from a bag across the moat in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos. |
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Agonizer of Gaia | 60 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Status Effect +10%, Knockback Combo +10% | Defeat the batch of Chaos minions fortified with baseball launcher turrets in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos. |
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Cybernaut | 60 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Ultimate Recovery +10% | Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita. |
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Uncanny Idol | 60 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Knockback Combo +70% | Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita. |
| Bag of Retching | 60 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Status Effect +20% | Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita. | |
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Cosmic Enigma | 65 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +48, Status Effect +10% | Loot it from the bag located on the first level floor at the SoDoSoPa ruins behind Kenny's House. Note: You will need the Fartkour ability to gain access looting it. |
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Capricious Cube | 65 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +48, Status Effect +2%, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Randomly dropped by Chaos Kids after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available after completing the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos, also it will be only available on Day 3 in-game. |
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Wicked Wobbler | 66 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Knockback Combo +9%, Status Effect +10% | Randomly dropped by Gentrified Bums after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 3 in-game. |
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Fan of Contractual Protection | 67 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +50, Knockback Combo +26%, Ultimate Recovery +4% | Randomly dropped by Ninjas after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 3 in-game. |
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Chains of the Huffy | 68 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Status Effect +2%, Ultimate Recovery +3% | Randomly dropped by Sixth Graders after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 3 in-game. |
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Oculus Grifter | 69 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +3% | Randomly dropped by Crooked Cops after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 3 in-game. |
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Goblet of Supreme Crunk | 70 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +52, Status Effect +8%, Ultimate Recovery +2% | Defeat the pimp and his two hoes in the mission The Big Beatdown. |
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Shat-o-Caster | 70 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +52, Knockback Combo +9%, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Purchase it from D-Mobile. Note: This artifact is only available after completing the mission (You Can) Call on Me, also it cannot be purchased anywhere else other than D-Mobile. |
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Scroll of 1000 Winds | 72 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Knockback Combo +18%, Ultimate Recovery +6% | Defeat the Ninjas in the mission The Invitation. Note: This artifact cannot be obtained anywhere else if you decide to pay off to Mr. Kim during the selection cut scene in the mission. |
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Seal of Freedom | 72 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Status Effect +4%, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Complete the mission The Samaritan Agenda. |
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Horns of the Deplorable | 72 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Status Effect +7%, Knockback Combo +32% | Defeat the rednecks in the mission Always Bet on Chaos. |
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Idol of Inappropriate Touching | 75 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Status Effect +10%, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Complete the mission Scavenger Hunt: The Headshot Job. |
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Hyper Glass | 80 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Status Effect +5%, Ultimate Recovery +4% | Defeat the crooked cops at the holding cells area of Park County Police station in the mission The Thin White Line. |
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Infectious Encryptor | 80 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Status Effect +10%, Knockback Combo +26% | Loot from the bag inside the holding cell with the faulty door in the mission The Thin White Line. Note: You will need the Timefart Pause ability to gain access looting it. |
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Song of the Drunk Knight | 80 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Knockback Combo +26%, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Loot from a bag inside the evidence room at Park County Police station in the mission The Thin White Line. Note: The evidence room has to be accessed by a vent on the wall after leaving the holding cells area as the main door will be locked. |
| Necrotic Scroll | 83 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +62, Status Effect +12% | Randomly dropped by Gentrified Bums after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available from Day 4 onward in-game. | |
| Insidious Agenda | 84 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +63, Knockback Combo +9%, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Randomly dropped by Raisins Girls after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available from Day 4 onward in-game. | |
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Butterfly Effector | 86 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +64, Status Effect +6%, Knockback Combo +26% | Randomly dropped by Chaos Kids after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available from Day 4 onward in-game. |
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Pussy of Fortune | 87 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +65, Status Effect +6%, Ultimate Recovery +4% | Randomly dropped by Ninjas after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available from Day 4 onward in-game. |
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Ebony Reaper | 88 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +66, Knockback Combo +26%, Ultimate Recovery +4% | Randomly dropped by Crooked Cops after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact only can be obtained if The New Kid is created as a black person. |
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Crustacean Modulator | 90 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +3% | Randomly dropped by Crab People after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available from Day 4 onward in-game. |
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Necronomicon | 90 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Status Effect +10%, Ultimate Recovery +2% | Defeat Shub-Niggurath in the mission The Thin White Line. |
| Ebony Volumizer | 95 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Knockback Combo +70%, Ultimate Recovery +6% | Obtained from Morgan Freeman on Day 3 in-game. Note: This artifact only can be obtained if The New Kid is created as a black person. | |
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Chromatic Charm | 95 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Status Effect 8%, Ultimate Recovery +12% | Obtained from Call Girl in the mission (You Can) Call on Me. Note: This artifact only can be obtained if The New Kid is created as a female gendered person. |
| Heavy Hand of Deception | 95 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Knockback Combo +18%, Ultimate Recovery +6% | Defeat Mitch Conner in the mission To Catch a Coon. | |
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SphincterPlex | 95 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Status Effect +6%, Knockback Combo +26% | Defeat the first batch of mutated Sixth Graders in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto. |
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Festive Verse | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Knockback Combo +18%, Ultimate Recovery +6% | Defeat the Woodland Critters in the mission Farts of Future Past. |
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Elven Relic | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +12% | Defeat King Douchebag in the mission Farts of Future Past. |
可制造神器
可制造神器可以在获得对应的配方之后在匠人巧手应用里用特定资源制造出来。原则上来说，只要满足资源、配方、匠人等级三个条件，就可以一直制造，想造多少都行。
与可收集神器不同，随着新来的匠人等级提升，可制造神器的成果就会“升级”，不过已经制造出来的神器就不会得到提升了。大部分的可制造神器有五个等级，最高等级即在名称最后有“+4”。在升级时，神器的战力会提升，但特性不变。
| 图片 | 名称 | 战力 | 匠人等级 | 特性 | 获得方法 |
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Hidden Blade | 10 | 1 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +7, Ultimate Recovery +15% | Obtained from the "Assassin Pack" reward from Ubisoft Club. |
| Hidden Blade +1 | 60 | 7 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +45, Ultimate Recovery +15% | ||
| Hidden Blade +2 | 80 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Ultimate Recovery +15% | ||
| Hidden Blade +3 | 100 | 17 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Ultimate Recovery +15% | ||
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Tachyon Matrix | 10 | 1 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +7, Knockback Combo +88% | Obtained from the "Gadget-Lover Pack" reward from Ubisoft Club. |
| Tachyon Matrix +1 | 60 | 7 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +45, Knockback Combo +88% | ||
| Tachyon Matrix +2 | 80 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Knockback Combo +88% | ||
| Tachyon Matrix +3 | 100 | 17 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Knockback Combo +88% | ||
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Crystal Capacitor | 10 | 1 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +7, Ultimate Recovery +15% | |
| Crystal Capacitor +1 | 60 | 7 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +45, Ultimate Recovery +15% | ||
| Crystal Capacitor +2 | 80 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Ultimate Recovery +15% | ||
| Crystal Capacitor +3 | 100 | 17 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Ultimate Recovery +15% | ||
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Kinetic Sigil | 20 | 1 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +15, Knockback Combo +61% | Craft from the recipe given by Morgan Freeman. |
| Kinetic Sigil +1 | 22 | 2 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +17, Knockback Combo +61% | ||
| Kinetic Sigil +2 | 24 | 3 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +19, Knockback Combo +61% | ||
| Kinetic Sigil +3 | 26 | 4 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +21, Knockback Combo +61% | ||
| Kinetic Sigil +4 | 28 | 5 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +23, Knockback Combo +61% | ||
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Virtuous Clockwork | 20 | 1 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +15, Status Effect +14% | Craft from the recipe given by Morgan Freeman. |
| Virtuous Clockwork +1 | 22 | 2 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +17, Status Effect +14% | ||
| Virtuous Clockwork +2 | 24 | 3 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +19, Status Effect +14% | ||
| Virtuous Clockwork +3 | 26 | 4 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +21, Status Effect +14% | ||
| Virtuous Clockwork +4 | 28 | 5 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +23, Status Effect +14% | ||
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Tome of Cunning | 20 | 1 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +15, Ultimate Recovery +10% | Craft from the recipe purchased from the Coon Store. |
| Tome of Cunning +1 | 22 | 2 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +17, Ultimate Recovery +10% | ||
| Tome of Cunning +2 | 24 | 3 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +19, Ultimate Recovery +10% | ||
| Tome of Cunning +3 | 26 | 4 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +21, Ultimate Recovery +10% | ||
| Tome of Cunning +4 | 28 | 5 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +23, Ultimate Recovery +10% | ||
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Idol of Vitality | 30 | 2 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +22, Ultimate Recovery +12% | Craft from the recipe purchased from the Coon Store. |
| Idol of Vitality +1 | 32 | 4 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +24, Ultimate Recovery +12% | ||
| Idol of Vitality +2 | 34 | 6 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +26, Ultimate Recovery +12% | ||
| Idol of Vitality +3 | 37 | 7 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +28, Ultimate Recovery +12% | ||
| Idol of Vitality +4 | 40 | 8 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +30, Ultimate Recovery +12% | ||
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Divine Amplifier | 30 | 2 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +22, Status Effect +14% | Craft from the recipe found in a bag hidden behind a snow pile by the left side of Craig's House. |
| Divine Amplifier +1 | 32 | 4 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +24, Status Effect +14% | ||
| Divine Amplifier +2 | 34 | 6 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +26, Status Effect +14% | ||
| Divine Amplifier +3 | 37 | 7 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +28, Status Effect +14% | ||
| Divine Amplifier +4 | 40 | 8 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +30, Status Effect +14% | ||
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Girding Chains | 30 | 2 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +22, Knockback Combo +70% | Craft from the recipe found in a bag located near South Park Town Square. |
| Girding Chains +1 | 32 | 4 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +24, Knockback Combo +70% | ||
| Girding Chains +2 | 34 | 6 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +26, Knockback Combo +70% | ||
| Girding Chains +3 | 38 | 7 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +28, Knockback Combo +70% | ||
| Girding Chains +4 | 40 | 8 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +30, Knockback Combo +70% | ||
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Scarab of R'Lyeh | 42 | 5 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +31, Ultimate Recovery +12% | Craft from the recipe obtained after defeating the Raisins Girls in the alley during the mission Medicinal Fried Fiasco. |
| Scarab of R'Lyeh +1 | 45 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +34, Ultimate Recovery +12% | ||
| Scarab of R'Lyeh +2 | 50 | 10 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +37, Ultimate Recovery +12% | ||
| Scarab of R'Lyeh +3 | 54 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +40, Ultimate Recovery +12% | ||
| Scarab of R'Lyeh +4 | 58 | 12 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +43, Ultimate Recovery +12% | ||
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Abyssal Timepiece | 42 | 5 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +31, Status Effect +12% | Craft from the recipe obtained after looting from a chest inside a warehouse in U-Stor-It during the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos. |
| Abyssal Timepiece +1 | 45 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +34, Status Effect +12% | ||
| Abyssal Timepiece +2 | 50 | 10 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +37, Status Effect +12% | ||
| Abyssal Timepiece +3 | 54 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +40, Status Effect +12% | ||
| Abyssal Timepiece +4 | 58 | 12 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +43, Status Effect +12% | ||
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Skull of Sundering | 42 | 5 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +31, Knockback Combo +52% | Craft from the recipe purchased from the Coon Store. |
| Skull of Sundering +1 | 45 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +34, Knockback Combo +52% | ||
| Skull of Sundering +2 | 50 | 10 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +37, Knockback Combo +52% | ||
| Skull of Sundering +3 | 54 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +40, Knockback Combo +52% | ||
| Skull of Sundering +4 | 58 | 12 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +43, Knockback Combo +52% | ||
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Prismatic Eye | 60 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Status Effect +10% | Craft from the recipe obtained from a pouch blasted out of the bathtub with Sandblaster at the upper floor of Main Street Offices. |
| Prismatic Eye +1 | 65 | 13 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +48, Status Effect +10% | ||
| Prismatic Eye +2 | 70 | 14 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Status Effect +10% | ||
| Prismatic Eye +3 | 75 | 15 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Status Effect +10% | ||
| Prismatic Eye +4 | 80 | 16 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Status Effect +10% | ||
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Necro Clamps | 60 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Ultimate Recovery +8% | Craft from the recipe obtained from a chest inside the garage of Kenny's House. |
| Necro Clamps +1 | 65 | 13 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +48, Ultimate Recovery +8% | ||
| Necro Clamps +2 | 70 | 14 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Ultimate Recovery +8% | ||
| Necro Clamps +3 | 75 | 15 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Ultimate Recovery +8% | ||
| Necro Clamps +4 | 80 | 16 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Ultimate Recovery +8% | ||
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Infernal Glyphs | 60 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Knockback Combo +44% | Craft from the recipe obtained from a bag located on a truck where a bunch of Chaos Kids can be seen guarding it inside U-Stor-It during the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos. |
| Infernal Glyphs +1 | 65 | 13 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +48, Knockback Combo +44% | ||
| Infernal Glyphs +2 | 70 | 14 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Knockback Combo +44% | ||
| Infernal Glyphs +3 | 75 | 15 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Knockback Combo +44% | ||
| Infernal Glyphs +4 | 80 | 16 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Knockback Combo +44% | ||
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Spire of Domination | 80 | 13 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Status Effect +10% | Craft from the recipe obtained from defeating Mitch Conner in the mission To Catch a Coon. |
| Spire of Domination +1 | 85 | 17 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +64, Status Effect +10% | ||
| Spire of Domination +2 | 90 | 18 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Status Effect +10% | ||
| Spire of Domination +3 | 95 | 19 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Status Effect +10% | ||
| Spire of Domination +4 | 100 | 20 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +75, Status Effect +10% |
Major Artifacts
Major Artifacts are available later in game, usually at the last of day 1. Like Minor Artifacts, apart from raising the team's stats, they can offer many bonuses to further develop the teams strength. The team bonuses is limited to Bonus Ally Health, Health Recovery, and Critical Strike. Major Artifacts are divided into two kinds, Collectible and Crafted.
Note: Missable Artifacts are highlighted in bold.
Collectible Artifacts
Similar to Minor Artifacts, some Major Artifacts are obtained by collecting them in the game, they have very specific might and buffs. The method to obtain them varies, including succeeding in combat, given through plot, or simply purchased at the store.
| Image | Name | Might | Buffs | Conditions |
|---|---|---|---|---|
  |
Platinum Coon Friend Gyro | 10 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +7 | Obtained when the first Major Artifact slot is unlocked after increasing The New Kid's Hero Rank. |
  |
Nether Talisman | 60 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Bonus Ally Health +18% | Defeat Red Wine Drunk Randy in the mission The Bowels of the Beast. |
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Urn of Deception | 66 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Health Recovery +7%, Bonus Ally Health +9% | Loot from the storage room located at the far right end of the backstage area inside Peppermint Hippo. |
  |
Effigy of the Moon | 66 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Critical Strike +8%, Health Recovery +7% | Loot from the chest located above Photo Dojo. Note: You will need the Fartkour ability to gain access looting it. |
| NeoConomicon | 68 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Critical Strike +4%, Bonus Ally Health +15% | Loot from the chest located on the upper floor inside South Park Elementary. Note: You will need the Fartkour ability to gain access looting it. | |
| Gourd of Hipstering | 68 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Critical Strike +3%, Health Recovery +10% | Loot from the chest located above Steed at Kenny's House. Note: You will need the Fartkour ability to gain access looting it. | |
  |
Harvester of Fognl | 69 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Critical Strike +10%, Health Recovery +10% | Break the satellite dish located above the construction office at South Park Mall, then loot it. Note: You will need the Diabetic Rage ability to gain access looting it. |
| Aural Disruptor | 70 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Critical Strike +10%, Health Recovery +3% | Purchase it from the vending machines located inside U-Stor-It during the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos. | |
  |
Metabolic Furnace | 70 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Critical Strike +2%, Bonus Ally Health +12% | Purchase it from any Food Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 2 in-game. |
  |
Magnum Dynamo | 70 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Critical Strike +6%, Health Recovery +2% | Purchase it from any General Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 2 in-game. |
  |
Flute of Prophecy | 70 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Critical Strike +9%, Bonus Ally Health +15% | Break the cracks on the bottom right corner inside the garage of Craig's House by exploding the propane tank stored inside it, then loot it from the opening. Note: You will need the Diabetic Rage ability to gain access looting it. |
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Fuse of High Tolerance | 72 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Health Recovery +4%, Bonus Ally Health +18% | Break the "BEER" neon sign inside the living room of Kenny's House with Snap N Pops, then loot it once it has dropped on the floor. |
  |
Astral Thumper | 82 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +61, Critical Strike +8%, Bonus Ally Health +24% | Inside the Freedom Pals base, drag the toy car out from its parking spot located next to the Training Room, then loot it from the floor. |
  |
Luminous Enigma | 83 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +62, Health Recovery +7%, Bonus Ally Health +23% | Loot it from the bag located inside the garage of Jimmy's House. Note: You will need the Sandblaster ability to gain access looting it. |
  |
Ring of Engorgement | 84 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +62, Critical Strike +10%, Bonus Ally Health +21% | Loot it from the safe inside the master bedroom of Butter's House. Note: You will need the Haywire ability to gain access looting it. |
  |
Gentrifying Text | 85 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +63, Health Recovery +11%, Bonus Ally Health +12% | Loot it from the bag located on the first level floor at the SoDoSoPa ruins behind Kenny's House. Note: You will need the Fartkour ability to gain access looting it. |
  |
Scuzzlebutt Paw | 90 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Critical Strike +15% | Purchase it from Jimbo's Guns. Note: This artifact is solely available inside Jimbo's Guns, it cannot be purchased anywhere else. |
  |
Shard of the Beast | 92 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +69, Critical Strike +12%, Bonus Ally Health +15% | Break the purple marble Peppermint Hippo statue inside the management office of the Peppermint Hippo, then collect it on the floor. Note: You will need the Haywire ability to gain access looting it. |
  |
Gluten Necrometer | 92 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +69, Health Recovery +10%, Bonus Ally Health +5% | Purchase it from any Food Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 3 in-game. |
  |
Pup o' War | 92 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +69, Critical Strike +10%, Bonus Ally Health +5% | Purchase it from any General Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 3 in-game. |
  |
Crack'd Beholder | 95 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Critical Strike +9%, Health Recovery +9% | Blast into the pipe located next to a bathtub at the upper floor of Main Street Offices (where Mrs. Testaburger is located), then loot it from a pouch which will later drop on the floor. Note: You will need the Sandblaster ability to gain access looting it. |
  |
Pedo Saber | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Critical Strike +3%, Health Recovery +12% | Purchase it from any Food Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 4 in-game. |
  |
Okama Dreambox | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Critical Strike +12%, Bonus Ally Health +6% | Purchase it from any General Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 4 in-game. |
  |
Energizing Codex | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Health Recovery +13%, Bonus Ally Health +15% | Defeat Doctor Timothy in the mission The Thin White Line. |
  |
Plasma Analizer | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Critical Strike +12%, Bonus Ally Health +18% | Loot from the bag by the side corridor, inside the lab area where Jasper the mutated ape Sixth Grader is seen caged in a room during the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto. |
  |
Sentient Cyst | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Health Recovery +15%, Bonus Ally Health +6% | Defeat Mutant Human Kite 2 in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto. |
Crafted Artifacts
Similar to Minor Artifacts, there are some Major Artifacts which only can be obtained through the Crafting app on the phone, you can have as many as you want if you have the recipe and adequate ingredients.
| Image | Name | Might | Level | Buffs | Conditions |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
  |
Cosmic Clasps | 60 | 5 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Critical Strike +12% | Craft from the recipe found in a bag located near Stark Pond's South. |
| Cosmic Clasps +1 | 63 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +47, Critical Strike +12% | ||
| Cosmic Clasps +2 | 66 | 10 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Critical Strike +12% | ||
| Cosmic Clasps +3 | 69 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Critical Strike +12% | ||
| Cosmic Clasps +4 | 72 | 12 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Critical Strike +12% | ||
  |
Optic Penetrator | 60 | 5 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Health Recovery +12% | Craft from the recipe found in a bag located near South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch. |
| Optic Penetrator +1 | 63 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +47, Health Recovery +12% | ||
| Optic Penetrator +2 | 66 | 10 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Health Recovery +12% | ||
| Optic Penetrator +3 | 69 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Health Recovery +12% | ||
| Optic Penetrator +4 | 72 | 12 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Health Recovery +12% | ||
  |
Masteroid | 60 | 5 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Bonus Ally Health +24% | Craft from the recipe purchased from the Coon Store. |
| Masteroid +1 | 63 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +47, Bonus Ally Health +24% | ||
| Masteroid +2 | 66 | 10 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Bonus Ally Health +24% | ||
| Masteroid +3 | 69 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Bonus Ally Health +24% | ||
| Masteroid +4 | 72 | 12 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Bonus Ally Health +24% | ||
  |
Berserker Wheel | 75 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Critical Strike +14% | Craft from the recipe obtained after defeating Professor Chaos in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos, or purchased from the Coon Store. |
| Berserker Wheel +1 | 80 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Critical Strike +14% | ||
| Berserker Wheel +2 | 85 | 12 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +64, Critical Strike +14% | ||
| Berserker Wheel +3 | 90 | 13 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Critical Strike +14% | ||
| Berserker Wheel +4 | 95 | 14 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Critical Strike +14% | ||
  |
Elder Maw | 75 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Bonus Ally Health +27% | Craft from the recipe obtained after escaping the senior citizens in the mission The Samaritan Agenda, or purchased from the Coon Store. |
| Elder Maw +1 | 80 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Bonus Ally Health +27% | ||
| Elder Maw +2 | 85 | 12 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +64, Bonus Ally Health +27% | ||
| Elder Maw +3 | 90 | 13 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Bonus Ally Health +27% | ||
| Elder Maw +4 | 95 | 14 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Bonus Ally Health +27% | ||
  |
Oracle of the Deviant | 75 | 9 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Health Recovery +13% | Craft from the recipe obtained after defeating the rednecks in the mission Always Bet on Chaos, or purchased from the Coon Store. |
| Oracle of the Deviant +1 | 80 | 11 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Health Recovery +13% | ||
| Oracle of the Deviant +2 | 85 | 12 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +64, Health Recovery +13% | ||
| Oracle of the Deviant +3 | 90 | 13 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Health Recovery +13% | ||
| Oracle of the Deviant +4 | 95 | 14 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Health Recovery +13% | ||
  |
Tantalum Accelerator | 100 | 13 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Critical Strike +14% | Craft from the recipe obtained from a bag just outside of the holding cells by the second floor of the police station in the mission The Thin White Line. |
| Tantalum Accelerator +1 | 105 | 17 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Critical Strike +14% | ||
| Tantalum Accelerator +2 | 105 | 18 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Critical Strike +14% | ||
| Tantalum Accelerator +3 | 105 | 19 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Critical Strike +14% | ||
| Tantalum Accelerator +4 | 105 | 20 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Critical Strike +14% | ||
  |
Annihilation Overthruster | 100 | 13 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Health Recovery +13% | Craft from the recipe obtained from a tool chest between the second and third floor stairway of the police station in the mission The Thin White Line. |
| Annihilation Overthruster +1 | 105 | 17 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Health Recovery +13% | ||
| Annihilation Overthruster +2 | 105 | 18 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Health Recovery +13% | ||
| Annihilation Overthruster +3 | 105 | 19 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Health Recovery +13% | ||
| Annihilation Overthruster +4 | 105 | 20 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Health Recovery +13% | ||
  |
Dazzling Dervish | 100 | 13 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Bonus Ally Health +29% | Craft from the recipe obtained from a bag behind two lab canisters in the wrecked lab room, where a mutant Sixth Grader can be seen killing a research personnel in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto. |
| Dazzling Dervish +1 | 105 | 17 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Bonus Ally Health +29% | ||
| Dazzling Dervish +2 | 105 | 18 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Bonus Ally Health +29% | ||
| Dazzling Dervish +3 | 105 | 19 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Bonus Ally Health +29% | ||
| Dazzling Dervish +4 | 105 | 20 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Bonus Ally Health +29% |
Epic Artifacts
Epic Artifacts are the most special ones among Artifacts, they cannot be crafted with usual components or purchased with cash, apart from raising the team's stats, they can offer many buffs, these buffs vary, and the way to use it varies as well.
Most Epic Artifacts has a set might of 100 (with the exception of Supreme Fist of Chaos) and they only can be collected, however the DLC Bring the Crunch introduces two exclusive Epic Artifacts: one that is obtained by crafting, and another which has a Might level that can be raised in accordance to the badges obtained from the DLC's side missions.
Note: Missable Artifacts are highlighted in bold.
Collectible Artifacts
| Image | Name | Might | Buffs | Conditions |
|---|---|---|---|---|
  |
Coon Commando Gyro | 10 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +7 | Obtained when the first Epic Artifact slot is unlocked after increasing The New Kid's Hero Rank. |
| Vainglorious Scepter | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Team members gain health equivalent to number of followers in Coonstagram | Rewarded when the title Master Influencer is achieved in the Character Sheet. | |
  |
Chamber of Ultimate Inflation | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, All Ultimate powers are 25% more effective | Loot from the safe inside the management office of the Peppermint Hippo. Note: You will need the Haywire ability to gain access looting it. |
  |
Jar of Life | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +90, Regenerate 10% amount of max health each turn | Loot from the fridge inside Kenny's House. Note: You will need the Haywire ability to gain access looting it. |
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Golden Taco | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Equip Freckles makeup and gain 10% power effectiveness | Defeat Morgan Freeman inside Freeman's Tacos. |
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Tumbler of Erupting Youth | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Healing items provide 100% more Health | Defeat Jared in the mission The Thin White Line. |
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Cloven Heirloom | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Missed Critical Attacks has a 50% chance of succeeding | Defeat the second batch of mutated Sixth Graders in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto. |
  |
Fanatic Visage | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Gain 1 Move | Complete the mission Scavenger Hunt: The Headshot Job. |
| Big Bang Boy Buttress | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Super Craig and Wonder Tweek's powers are 10% more effective | Complete the mission Scavenger Hunt: The Yaoi Project. | |
  |
Triumph of the Heart | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Team member in the first Allies slot gains 1 Move | Complete the mission Therapy Wars. |
| Danger Gyro | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Inflicts Bleeding on the enemy in a successful Critical Strike | Complete the Ultra challenge set for the reward in the DLC Danger Deck. | |
| Amaze Ball | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Heal 25% of the power value when using a Health item on a team member | Complete the Ultra challenge set for the reward in the DLC Danger Deck. | |
| Avenging Nezumi | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, When attacked, successfully pressing the prompt button inflicts Defense Down on the enemy | Complete the Ultra challenge set for the reward in the DLC Danger Deck. | |
| Skull of Sick Burning | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, When attacked, successfully pressing the prompt button inflicts Burning on the enemy | Loot it from the chest located inside the treasure area of Black Bart's Cave in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita. | |
| Goblet of Po'Zur | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Team members receive Health equal to Bleeding damage on enemies | Crack open the bat-shaped pinata inside the VIP room of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita. | |
| Resonator of Souls | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Team members' Spunk attribute increased by 25% | At the area behind the man-made cliff inside Casa Bonita, head to the top floor where there will be a wooden beam supported by construction tape. Activate Timefart Pause, then throw Snap N Pops onto both ends of the beam. Collect it from the guitar case once the beam has fallen flat on the floor below in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita. | |
| Gatekeeper of R'lyeh | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Knocked out team member gains Protection equal to 25% of team member's health and Attack Up when revived | Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita. | |
  |
Time Reamer | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Timefart Pause punches deals 100% more damage | Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita. |
| Lightning Rod | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Enemies taking Shock damage from adjacent enemies is affected with the Shock status effect | Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita. | |
| Gore Sack | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, When an enemy dies, adjacent enemies become Grossed Out | Loot it from the backpack at the right of the tents on the Indian burial grounds in the DLC Bring the Crunch. | |
  |
Shark Mating Whistle | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Summons are 25% more effective | Catch the Tardicaca Freshwater Shark for the first time from the dynamite fishing mini-game in the DLC Bring the Crunch. |
| Trailblazing Totem | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Fastpass' Powers are 30% more effective | Complete the side mission Native Heritage in the DLC Bring the Crunch. | |
  |
Supreme Fist of Chaos | 101 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Gain 101 Might | Defeat Professor Chaos in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos. |
Peculiar Artifacts
| Image | Name | Might | Buffs | Conditions |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Dream Catcher | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, All Allies receives 40% less damage from Status Effects | Craft from the recipe found on the second rightmost tent on the Indian burial grounds in the DLC Bring the Crunch. | |
| Sash of Ultimate Merit +1 | 100 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Gain 4% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack | Obtained after earning the first merit badge from the available side missions in the DLC Bring the Crunch,each upgrade requires a new badge. | |
| Sash of Ultimate Merit +2 | 105 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +78, Gain 8% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack | ||
| Sash of Ultimate Merit +3 | 110 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +11, Health +81, Gain 12% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack | ||
| Sash of Ultimate Merit +4 | 115 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +11, Health +84, Gain 16% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack | ||
| Sash of Ultimate Merit +5 | 120 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +12, Health +91, Gain 20% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack | ||
| Sash of Ultimate Merit +6 | 125 | Brawn, Brains, Spunk +12, Health +93, Gain 24% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack |
DNA Strands
DNA Strands are the most special in the game, they have only one slot, which means they can only be equipped one at a time. They affect the Stats in a certain percentage, and some of them give a raise to movements. Usually, a rise in some part means a fall in another,
Note: Missable Artifacts are highlighted in bold.
| Image | Name | Buffs/Debuffs | Conditions |
|---|---|---|---|
| High Pain Threshold | Health +30%, Brains -25% | Obtained from the mission CLASSIfied. | |
| Inhuman Accuracy | Brains +30%, Health -15% | Obtained from the mission CLASSIfied. | |
| Mutant Strength | Brawn +20% | Obtained from the mission CLASSIfied. | |
| Maximum Jersey | Brawns +20%, Spunk +20%, Health -15% | Defeat Kyle's mom and Human Kite 2 in the mission Alternate Universes Collide Again. | |
| Pheromone Infusion | Spunk +25% | Defeat the Raisins Girls in the mission Medicinal Fried Fiasco. | |
| Mellowed Pain Receptors | Health +15% | Defeat Towelie in the mission Medicinal Fried Fiasco. | |
| Judgemental Rush | Move +1, Health -10% | Defeat the rednecks in the mission The Talk 2: The Gendering. | |
| Adrenal Overload | Brains +40%, Health -30% | Defeat the guard and his backups in the mission Operation: Blind Justice. | |
| Empathy Surge | Brains +25%, Spunk +25%, Health -15% | Defeat the Freedom Pals in the mission Civil War 2: Playtime's Over. | |
| Primal Aggression | Brawn +25%, Brains +25%, Health -15% | Defeat the bums of SoDoSoPa in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos. | |
| The Ginger Sense | Brains +10%, Spunk +30%, Brawn -20% | Defeat General Disarray in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos. | |
| Subdermal Mutation | Spunk +30%, Health +30%, Brains -50% | Defeat King Crab and the Crab People in the mission (You Can) Call on Me. | |
| Crack Baby Rage | Brains +50%, Move +1, Health -30% | Loot from the chest located on the upper floor of Main Street Offices (where Mrs. Testaburger is located). | |
| Pimp Strength | Brawn +25%, Brains +25% | Defeat the pimp and his two hoes in the mission The Big Beatdown. | |
| Ungodly Strength | Brawn +25%, Brains +25%, Spunk +25% | Defeat Shub-Niggurath in the mission The Thin White Line. | |
| Gorilla Toughness | Brawn +30%, Health +30%, Spunk -25% | Defeat the first batch of mutated Sixth Graders in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto. | |
| Homicidal Tendencies | Brawn +25%, Move +1, Health -10% | Loot from the glass cabinet inside the side corridor, inside the lab area where Jasper the mutated ape Sixth Grader is seen caged in a room during the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto. | |
| Raging Hormones | Spunk +40%, Health -15% | Defeat the second batch of mutated Sixth Graders in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto. | |
| Tactical Genius | Brains +50%, Health -25% | Loot from the glass cabinet inside the room where The New Kid's mother is seen incapacitated during the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto. | |
| Nanobot Chassis | Brawn +30%, Health +20%, Move +1 | Complete the challenge set for the reward in the DLC Danger Deck. | |
| Touch of Youth | Brains +35%, Spunk +35%, Move +1, Brawn -35%, Health -20% | Defeat Corey Haim in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita. | |
| Psychotic Episode | Brawn +50%, Brains -50%, Spunk -50%, Health +40% | Defeat Nathan in the DLC Bring the Crunch. | |
| Alien Evolution | Brawn +40%, Brains +40%, Spunk -20%, Health -15%, Move +1 | Defeat the Zarganor in the DLC Bring the Crunch. |
