"Stanley's Cup/Script" | "With Apologies to Jesse Jackson/Script" | "Cartman Sucks/Script" |
Cast
- Stan Marsh
- Kyle Broflovski
- Eric Cartman
- Tolkien Black
- Butters Stotch
- Craig Tucker
- Principal Victoria
- Mr. Mackey
- Randy Marsh
- Sharon Marsh
- Stephen Stotch
- Jimbo Kern
- Announcer
- Pat Sajak
- Vanna White
- Jesse Jackson
- Brian, Jesse Jackson's cameraman
- Coyote Brown, Laugh Factory comedian
- Man 2, at the Laugh Factory
- Man 3, on the sidewalk
- Hillbilly Brigade
- Skeeter, driver, and passenger
- Michael Richards
- Mark Fuhrman
- Scott, an N-word guy
- U.S. Senators
- Mr. Nelson
- Woman at the gym
- Convenience store clerk
- Three kids
- Field reporter
Script
With Apologies to Jesse Jackson | |
Wheel of Fortune. The graphics roll by | |
And now back to Wheel of Fortune! | |
The camera closes in on Randy, who's got his hands clenched, his thumbs up, and a big grin on his face. He pumps his fists softly. A new car waits behind him to win it | |
All right, Randy, congratulations on making it all the way to the bonus round! | |
Thanks, Pat! | |
You've got some family here watching tonight. [a shot of Sharon, Shelly, and Stan in the audience. Sharon waves, then claps. Stan waves] | |
Yeah, they're all rooting for me. [waving back to his family] | |
And I'm sure you have lots of friends watching back home? | |
The town bar. A crowd has gathered to watch the show. Kyle and Ike are there with their parents, Butters is there with his | |
Yeah. [waving] Hi, everybody watching in South Park! | |
That's us! | |
Hehey! [both thumbs up] | |
[amid other chatter, voice only] Hey Randy! | |
Good luck! | |
Back to the studio. | |
Well let's see if you can't make everyone proud. The category is [the words appear onscreen as Vanna White gets ready to turn the letters on the board] People Who Annoy You. | |
Okay. [deep exhale] | |
As always, we give you the letters R, T, S, L, and E. [Some of the letters light up blue and Vanna taps on them: ERS] We just need three more consonants, and a vowel. | |
Okay I'd like a B, an N, and a G. | |
And a vowel? | |
[quickly crosses his fingers in both hands and grits his teeth] An O please. | |
Okay, well, looks like you're gonna get a lot of help here. [more letters light up blue and Vanna taps on them. Randy claps softly] The category is People Who Annoy You. [the letters are NGG, but no O: N_GGERS. Randy stops clapping] Audience, keep quiet, please. [the white people in the audience are shocked and terrified while the black people are angry and glaring at Randy. One of the cameramen peeks out from behind the camera - he's black] | |
Uh... Well, uh... | |
Ten seconds, Mr. Marsh. | |
I know it but I don't think I should say it. | |
Five seconds, Mr. Marsh. | |
Oh all right uh, I'd like to solve the puzzle! [Imitating Sergeant Joe Friday from Dragnet.] [beat] N***ers! [the audience is stone quiet. Randy gets the buzzer for the wrong answer and drops his arms.] Huh? [Vanna goes to turn the last letter around - A - then walks back to her post and looks at the ground] Ohhh... | |
[covers his eyes] Ooooh. [Sharon and Shelly are stunned] | |
[subdued] Oh naggers. Of course, naggers. [sheepish grin] Right. | |
[awkwardly] Uhh, can we cut to a... [back at the bar in South Park] Can we cut to a- [the station goes off the air. The bar patrons are confused] | |
On the road back home. Stan still has his hand over his eyes. Sharon has her eyes closed and her head in her right hand | |
[sniffs, then] Well, gave it my best shot. Least we had a fun trip, huh, gang? | |
I can't believe you said the N-word on national television! | |
Wha?! Well what was I supposed to do, Sharon? I thought I was gonna make $30,000! Stanley, the only reason Daddy used that word is that he thought he would win money. | |
South Park Elementary, morning. The kids arrive at school. | |
South Park Elementary hallway. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny walk into view. | |
Dude, did your dad know that the show was being broadcast live? | |
Dude, that was the funniest thing I've ever seen! I watched it on YouTube about sixty times! | |
Can we just drop this, please? I don't wanna talk about it! | |
Yeah, well, it's not us you have to worry about. It's Tolkien. [points at the camera. Dramatic music swells. The camera then looks at Tolkien, who's putting some books into his locker] He is gonna wanna kick your cracker teeth in. | |
No, he's not. [looks at Kyle] Is he? | |
I don't know. | |
I just need to explain things. [walks up to Tolkien, who's finished with the locker and holds only a binder in his right hand] Hey Token. Look, I don't know if you saw Wheel of Fortune last night, but- | |
Yeah, I was watching with my whole family. And then we saw all the replays this morning on the news. | |
Listen, Token, my dad isn't a racist. He's just stupid, all right? He just blurted out the N-word, and it's no big deal, okay? | |
Uh, well, actually it is kind of a big deal, Stan. | |
Ohhhhhhhh? | |
It may be a mistake, but you don't understand how it feels when that word comes up. So don't say it isn't a big deal. | |
Oh, shit, here we go! [gets really excited and cuts in between them, yelling] It's on! Race war! [goes back and yells at one end of the hall] Race war! Race war! [comes back again and yells at the other end of the hall] Race war is on, everybody! It's going down! Shit is going down! [returns, just itching to see Stan and Tolkien fight] | |
Token, my dad wasn't trying to be offensive. Just forget about it. | |
That's easy for you to say, Stan. | |
[softly] Yeah, come on! Here we go! | |
Yeah, but he didn't say it in anger or anything like that. | |
That doesn't mean I can just be fine. | |
[softly] Race war! Come on! Race war! | |
If you really think it's not a big deal, then you really are ignorant. That's all. I'm not fighting anybody. [turns left and walks away] | |
Tolkien forfeits! [takes Stan's left hand and holds it up in victory] Whites win! [lets go and twirls away] Whites win! [runs to one end of the hall] Race war is over, everybody! Whites won again! | |
In an office somewhere, day. | |
I want to apologize deeply and sincerely for using the N-word on Wheel of Fortune. And I want to assure you that I am not a racist, Reverend Jackson. [The camera shows Jesse Jackson behind a desk, with three officials around him] | |
[elbows on armrests, hands interlaced] The puzzle you were solving was "people who annoy you". | |
Uh well, like anybody else thought it was "naggers". I mean, right? | |
Mr. Marsh, you need to take time to understand African-American culture, visit black museums, see black performers and artists. | |
Oh! Ah I will! I'm really down with [making sure he gets it right] African-Americans. | |
[thinks a moment] Do you really want to apologize? Are you sure? | |
Y-Yes, absolutely. | |
[long exhale] Very well. If you want to apologize, I will accept. [rises from his chair and approaches Randy] | |
Hahh, thank you, Mr. Jackson, thank you. | |
Brian, get a picture of Mr. Marsh apologizing. [takes off his coat, rolls up his shirt sleeves...] | |
[with camera] Ready to go, sir. | |
[...unzips and drops his pants, then drops his briefs and sticks his ass out at Randy] Kiss it. | |
Huh? | |
Apologize. Kiss it. | |
You want me to kiss your- | |
That's right. [gyrates his butt around] Apologize. | |
Agh, oh, okay. I'll ahh... [genuflects] Let's see here uh... | |
[gyrates his butt around again] Apologize. [Randy kisses Jesse's ass for a few seconds and the picture is taken. It appears in newspapers like the New York News] | |
South Park Elementary, day, hallway. The bell rings and Stan approaches Tolkien at his locker. | |
Hey Token. I just wanted to let you know that everything is cool now. My dad apologized to Jesse Jackson. | |
Oh I see, so I'm supposed to feel all better now. | |
Well, yeah. | |
[throws his backpack into the locker] You just don't get it, Stan! | |
Dude, Jesse Jackson said it's okay! | |
[spins around angrily] Jesse Jackson, is not the emperor, of black people! [storms away] | |
[softly] He told my dad he was... | |
The school gym, later. All the students have been called to assemble there. | |
[dressed in a sharp business suit] Today we are going to have a guest speaker talk to us about sensitivity and the power of words. [Stan looks over at Tolkien in the row before him] In a moment you will meet Dr. David Nelson, who has first-hand experience in overcoming slander, because David is himself, a little person. Who knows what a little person is? [Butters raises his hand] Yes? Over here? | |
A midget? | |
Not exactly. That term is actually considered offensive, and that's why Dr. Nelson goes from school to school getting us all to think about what we say. He has two PhD.'s and has published six books! Please welcome David Nelson! | |
[waddles in to some fanfare, swaying back and forth] Good morning, students! How are we all feeling today? [the music stops. Cartman chuckles, then lets out a laugh, and can't stop] I would like to share with you all my- | |
No! Dude! No fucking way! [laughs] Dude! [resumes laughing] | |
That, that words are like bullets. And if you give- | |
[shakes his head back and forth, then rears back, laughing all the while] Stop! Stop! Stop! Stohahahahahahaha... | |
[appears next to Mr. Nelson] Eric, be quiet! | |
No, no, it's okay. He'll run out of steam here pretty soon. [Cartman continues laughing, and even nudges Stan a few times to get him to laugh, but Stan just gets annoyed.] | |
Look! Look look, look. They put a little suit on him. [resumes laughing. Mr. Nelson gets pissed off, but holds it in] | |
A comedy club - The Laugh Factory. Randy is walking down the street and notices the club | |
Ooh! An African-American performer at the comedy club. [rushes over] | |
Inside the club an African-American is doing his routine | |
And so I said to my wife, "You told me to kill the damned cockroach! Don't yell at me for making a mess!" [the audience laughs. Randy is in the audience, laughing] We've got a great crowd here tonight. Now, how many people here are actually from Colorado? [a few audience members and Randy clap and holler] Ya got nothin' better to do on a Friday night than to go to a comedy club, huh? [that gets a big laugh from the crowd. The comedian points to Randy] Hey, don't I know you from somewhere? [the crowd falls silent, and Randy looks uncomfortable] Yeah. I know you. You're the guy that said "n***a" on Wheel of Fortune. [the audience laughs. Randy lets out a weak chuckle] Look! Everybody! It's the ""n***a" guy. [big laughs all around] | |
Hey, it is him. | |
Oh, we got a star in the club. Everyone wave to the "n***a" guy. [waves, and the audience waves with him] Say, "Hi, "n***a" guy!" | |
Hi, "n***er" guy! [Randy waves back and now has a guilty smile on his face, which quickly changes to a guilty frown] | |
That's alright, "n***a" guy. You know we just playin'. [the crowd roars with laughter and claps] | |
Yeah... No problem... | |
Have you all seen these navigation systems in these cars these days? Damn things look like they're right out of "Far Out Space Nuts". Maybe "n***a" guy has one. You got one, "n***a" guy? [the audience roars with laughter again and Randy leaves, his head hung in shame. He wanders the streets] | |
A run-down part of the city, night. | |
[walks by with a woman] Hey look, Betty. It's that "n***er" guy. [Randy sighs and walks on] | |
[passing by on skateboards] N***er guy. N***er guy. [they leave, Randy sighs again and walks on. He stops by a 24-hour store to get some aspirin] | |
[white] Hey. What do you think you're doing? [an Asian clerk stands behind him] | |
I just... need some aspirin. | |
You aren't welcome in this store, "n***er" guy. | |
Fine! [leaves the aspirin on the counter and rushes out the door] | |
South Park Elementary, day, principal's office. Mr. Nelson is there to lodge a complaint. Principal Victoria sits at her desk, Mr. Mackey stands to her left. | |
Principal Victoria, I am very concerned about the behavior of one of your students. | |
Yes, we apologize for Eric Cartman's behavior, Mr. Nelson. We feel terrible. | |
Why? I don't feel terrible. It doesn't bother me at all. [waddles to his left] Words are like bullets, and I let 'em pass right through me. [waddles back] I just know that with some one-on-one time together with this Eric Cartman, I have a chance to change the way he thinks. | |
Uh, it might be best if you just ...let it go, m'kay? | |
You don't understand. [waddles around] You see, words are like bullets. And if you take away the gunpowder- | |
Yeah yeah, we we get it, Mr. Nelson. | |
Very well, Mr. Nelson. [presses a button on her phone] Stacey, go ahead and send in Eric Cartman. [the door opens and Cartman walks in and immediately bursts into laughter upon seeing Mr. Nelson.] Eric, Mr. Nelson is concerned about how you respond to little people. | |
[stops long enough to respond] Oh. Did I hurt its little feelings? [resumes laughing] | |
You know, you think you have the power to make me insecure, but your words are actually completely powerless. | |
[before Mr. Nelson finishes talking] Oh oh oh oh! If we could get, like, eight of these, we could dress them all up like little beavers, right, and then put 'em in a pond, and see if they build a dam! [stomps his foot on the floor, points to Mr. Nelson, and laughs. Principal Victoria buries her face in her hands] | |
You see? No matter what you say, I'm still standing. | |
[stops] Barely! [starts up again] | |
[assertively] No matter how you act, I can rise above it! | |
[stops] "Rise above it!" Get it? Like he can rise above anything! [starts up again] | |
[steps up to Cartman] Shut your fucking mouth! | |
Mr. Nelson! [Mr. Nelson blanches. Cartman looks at him, then cracks up again and falls on his ass in laughter] | |
He, he, he didn't get to me. I was I was just I wast just joking | |
Look, look how its face gets all red! He's like a little strawberry! | |
[grimaces] Aaaaaaa! | |
South Park, night, Viggo's Coffee House. A sign outside announces "SPOKEN WORD CONTEST TONIGHT," Inside, a pair of black hands drums away on some bongo drums. Next, Randy is shown onstage, the drummer in the background | |
Words with venom, words that bind. Words used like weapons to cloud my mind. I'm a person. I'm a man. But no matter how I try, people just say "Hey! There's that "n***er" guy." [no response from the crowd] Everywhere I go, it's always the same. Everyone just thinks of me as that one single name. "Hey N***er Guy! N***er Guy! Hi N***er Guy!" Stop! Now go. Call me N***er Guy! Fill me with your hate! Try to bring me down- Oop up, you're too late. When will it end, will there ever be a time? When I can be thought of as more... than just "N***er Guy". [no response from the crowd] Respect. [throws up the V sign and walks off stage] | |
South Park Elementary, day, hallway. Stan walks up to Tolkien again | |
Token! Hey, wait up. [Tolkien turns around] I just wanted to say, I get it now. You know, after that "little person" talk at that assembly the other day, I understand how you feel about somebody saying the N-word. | |
Sooo black people are midgets? [turns around and walks away. At the far end of the hallway Mr. Nelson rounds the corner and walks towards Stan.] | |
Goddamn it! | |
Excuse me, over here, please? All right, I need all students to join me over here. [heads towards the gym. The available students follow him] | |
The gym. Only the fourth graders are there | |
I have called you here because it is time that we taught Eric Cartman a lesson once and for all! In a few seconds, Eric will be sent in, and when we walks through that door, I want you all at the same time to yell, "Hello, fatso!" | |
...I don't think that's a very good idea, sir. | |
He has to learn his lesson! You see, words are like bullets. [turns around and sees Cartman] All right all right, here he comes. [walks off-screen. Cartman enters the gym] | |
"Good morning/Hello, fatso!" | |
Hey! What the hell is that?! You think that's fuckin' funny?! [walks up to Kyle accusingly] Kyle, did you put everybody up to this?! [Mr. Nelson walks out towards the entrance, then curves around to stand behind Cartman] I bet you did! What the hell is going on?! | |
Now you know how it feels. [Cartman turns around and looks at him, then bursts out laughing] You'd better shut up or i'm gonna kick your ass! | |
Alright, alright, alright, who is the freaking genius who dressed it up in little suspenders? Clyde, was that you? Gahahahahaha! | |
A conference hall, somewhere. Randy speaks before an entire group made up of only black people. | |
And so it is my honor to announce today the Randy Marsh African-American Scholarship Foundation. [gets good applause for that] It is my hope that this foundation will prove my commitment to the education of African-American students and erase once and for all my identity as the "n***er" guy. [no response] You really... you really don't know how hard it is to be constantly reminded of something lame that happened in your past. I mean I... just wanna move on from what happened on "Wheel of Fortune", you know and... and when people call me... "n***er guy"... they're bringing up a painful chapter of my history and all the negativity that went along with it. You just... you can't imagine how that feels. [no response] | |
Is this "n***a" guy serious? | |
Anyway, here's to a new start for us all. Thank you! [walks off.] | |
Outside, night. He walks towards his car when a truck passes by. It screeches to a halt and backs up to stop in front of Randy. Two rednecks are in the cab, a third is in the bed | |
Thar look Skeeter! That's that guy from the TV! | |
[the redneck in the cab] Well well well, looks like we got ourselves a n***er guy! [reaches down and grabs a shotgun. Randy takes off running.] | |
Awww! Awwww! [the rednecks give chase. Skeeter just shoots in the air, aiming at no one] | |
Yee haw! Yiiip yip yip yip yip yip. | |
Wooo! [pumps his left fist] | |
Whoa! [sees a clearing across the street and runs into it. The truck passes it, screeches to a halt, and backs up. Randy turns around and sees the three rednecks standing before him, shotguns aimed at him] | |
Where you goin', "n***er" guy? | |
Please I, I don't want any trouble. | |
Well you got trouble, when you first decided to slander an entire race of people on "Wheel of Fortune"! | |
Yeah. You like making fun of minorities, "n***er" guy? Huh we don't take kindly to social ignorance. | |
You tell 'im, Skeeter, you tell 'im! | |
[holds his hands out in a blocking position] What do you want? | |
What do we want? [he and the passenger laugh] We want to live in a world without people like you who are intolerant of African-Americans! | |
[from screen left, out of nowhere] Leave him alone. | |
Hey... That's that other "n***er" guy. | |
Huh? | |
That's the guy from Seinfeld, used the N-word a whole bunch o' times. | |
Michael Richards? Well, son of a bitch! | |
Looks like it's our lucky day! We done got us two "n***er" guys! | |
[from screen right] Make that three. | |
Mark Fuhrman? | |
Who? | |
He done said the N-word in the O.J. case. | |
Well what is this? A "n***er" guy convention? [two more men appear beside Randy, Richards and Fuhrman] | |
We aren't being pushed around anymore. Leave. | |
Come on, Skeeter. [he and the other rednecks back up towards their truck] These "n***er" guys ain't worth our trouble. | |
[from the truck bed] Damn "n***er" guys! [the other two get into the cab] We'll be back! [the truck starts up and the rednecks hoot and holler and fire off their weapons as they speed away] | |
[puts his hands on Randy's right shoulder] You'd better come with us. | |
An abandoned barn nearby, moments later. The five men go in | |
Come on in, Mr. Marsh. We'll make you some coffee. | |
What's going on here? | |
[pours Randy a cup of coffee and gives it to him] We've been following your story since we first saw it on the news. Don't worry - you're with friends now. Dale here used the N-word in a racial joke at work. Scott used the plural N-word to refer to a group of gardeners who broke his fence. | |
They were Mexicans. I was being ironic. | |
We're all just like you. | |
No. [smacks Richards' hand off his shoulder and puts the cup down] No no, I'm sorry, but I'm not... like you. I just said the N-word by mistake to win money. | |
I made a mistake too. [moves forward a bit] I was trying to be funny! I got frustrated and thought I would get some shock laughs. I'm just... not that good of a comedian if you want to know the real truth. | |
You said the N-word to a black man's face! That's way worse than what I did! | |
[turns around and gets in Randy's face] You really think that matters?! [moves to Randy's ear] You really think all those people out there see a difference? Oh, they might say your racial slur was more accidental; they might even laugh about it. But at the end of the day, all you are to them is just another damn "n***er" guy! [Randy swallows a bit] Oh, you don't like that, do ya? | |
No. | |
Randy, we want you to join us. We have a plan to make this all go away once and for all. | |
South Park, day, the neighborhood. | |
Now look, Token, I've done everything I can to make this right! You have no reason to still be mad! | |
I have every reason to be mad! You just don't get it! | |
I'm not responsible for what my dad did! | |
No, but you can't just pretend it never happened either! | |
What the hell do you want from me?! [Butters appears across the street, rather out of breath. Upon seeing them, he runs over] | |
Nothing! | |
Then stop being mad! | |
No! | |
Fellas! Fellas come quick! Cartman's gonna fight the midget! [Butters runs off. Stan and Tolkien look at each other silently then shrug, as they turn to follow Butters] | |
The community park. The kids have gathered to see Cartman and Mr. Nelson fight. | |
C'mon now Eric, come on now. | |
Dude, are you sure you wanna do this? Apparently this guy has a black belt in karate. | |
It's a midget, dude. | |
["Down with the Sickness" by Disturbed starts playing] Students, I am going to beat the crap out of this kid to prove a point. | |
Hahaha, no- no dude. It can't talk, that isn't fair, I'll laugh too much. [the kids urge them to fight, and the match begins] | |
Cartman gets Mr. Nelson ...in a half-Nelson, then picks him up, carries him around 360 degrees, then throws him off. Mr. Nelson gets under Cartman to pick him up and throw him over his back, but ends up just tickling Cartman, and Cartman laughs. | |
The United State Senate. Randy is addressing the senators. | |
Senators, I know it is not normally considered "American" to ban words. [Randy is flanked by Fuhrman and Richards] But there is one slur that has caused so much damage that we believe it should finally be made illegal. I'm talking, of course, about the term "n***er guy". | |
"N***er guy"? | |
Two words which by themselves can be harmless but which together... form a verbal missile of hate. | |
Yeah! That's right! | |
Oh sure. Some people just use the term in jest - tell a n***er guy joke or two thinking it's no big deal - but they don't realize it can lead to people using the term as an excuse for violence. | |
[with his two friends] Goddamn n***er guy's tryin' to be all political-like now! | |
Senators, I've learned to admit that I'm capable of having- slightly racist thoughts once in a while. Can anybody say they never do? How long will it be before you are all called "n***er guys"? [the senators are somewhat shocked] | |
Uhhh, hold on a second, are you suggesting that "n***er guy" could become a slur that refers to all white people? | |
I'm certainly not a n***er guy. I've never thought a racist thought. | |
[black senator] Aw, come on, you're the biggest n***er guy in Washington. | |
Mr. Marsh, we see now the importance of your bill. [raises his left hand] All those in favor to ban the term "n***er guy"? | |
Aye! | |
Opposed? | |
[a lone black senator] Nay? | |
The motion is passed! [lowers the gavel.] | |
Outside the Senate building, supporters of the bill celebrate with confetti and streamers. Randy walks out and across the lawn with Richards and Fuhrman. | |
We did it! | |
For the first time in American history, a word has been officially banned from use. | |
From now on, if a person uses the word "n***er," it must be at least seven words away from the word "guy." [a group of black people is shown, not reacting in any way to the announcement. Everyone else continues cheering.] | |
Tom, it appears that the "n***er" guy epidemic is ove- [two police officers come and take him away] Oh damn it. I said it, didn't I? | |
Back at the community park Cartman and Mr. Nelson continue wrestling. Cartman has beat Mr. Nelson up pretty good and now has him pinned to the ground. | |
AAAAH! Ow! Ow! Okay! [Cartman punches him in the face a few times] Okay, you win! | |
Say "Uncle!" | |
Ung-cle! | |
Hahaha, now say "Carol Anne, don't go into the light!" | |
Carol Anne, don't go into the light! | |
Haaha, hahahahahaha! Oh man, that is hysterical! [Mr. Nelson rises and pummels him in the back of the head. Cartman falls forward] Oh! | |
There! Now you all see that I am not limited by my size. [Cartman comes alive again and laughs] I have proven my point! My work here is done! [waddles away. The kids begin to disperse] | |
What was his point? | |
I have no idea. | |
Dude, I don't get it. | |
I don't get it either. | |
[comes to a certain realization] Wait a minute. That's it! I don't get it. | |
...Huh? | |
Don't you see, Kyle? I don't get it! [smiles, then walks up to Tolkien] Token, I get it now. I don't get it. I've been trying to say that I understand how you feel, but, I'll never understand. I'll never really get how it feels for a black person to have somebody use the N word. I don't get it. | |
Now you get it, Stan. [smiles] | |
[smiles] Yeah. I totally don't get it. | |
Thanks, dude. | |
End of With Apologies to Jesse Jackson |
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Story Elements |
Randy Marsh • Dr. David Nelson • Pat Sajak • Jesse Jackson • Wheel of Fortune • Hillbilly Brigade • "Down with the Sickness" | ||||
Media |
Images • Script • Extras • Watch Episode | ||||
Release |