South Park Archives


South Park Archives

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I'm currently busy working on The Elder Scrolls Wiki.

About me

Hello there, <insert name here>!

I'm Annonnimus.

I'm a huge auto-maniac, I love Top Gear and my favorite "sport" is Formula 1.

I'm also a casual gamer, the games that I enjoy playing the most are:

Wikis on which I try to be active


I usually just check the recent changes and fix vandalism or errors when I see them.

I am active on at least three different wikis at all times, so even though I may appear to be inactive here, I am still be active on one of my other wikis.

Want to help on other South Park wikis?

Here are the links
Spanish SP wiki ·  German SP wiki
Italian SP wiki ·  French SP wiki
Polish SP wiki ·  Swedish SP wiki
Dutch SP wiki ·  Russian SP wiki
Turkish SP wiki ·  Czech SP wiki
Hungarian SP wiki
If you have any question, you can ask them here.
Any help will be highly appreciated.




And now, Quotes

Here's a bunch of quotes I think are funny and/or true. Enjoy.

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All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

— Casey Stengel

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

— Winston Churchill

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

— Oscar Levant

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

— David Brent

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying 'Oh good, I've got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!

—Jeremy Clarkson

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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

—Jack Handey

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

—Mark Twain

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

— Albert Einstein

The minute that you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer.

— Will Rogers

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

— Mark Twain

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Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

— Oscar Wilde

You're everywhere. You're omnivorous.

— Homer Simpson [To God].

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

—Jeremy Clarkson

The Americans will always do the right thing . . . After they've exhausted all the alternatives.

— Winston Churchill

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

— William Shakespeare

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Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

— Alfred Hitchcock

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech - every now and then she stops to breathe.

— Jimmy Durante

As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.

—Jeremy Clarkson [On the Corvette Z06]

It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.

— Jerome K. Jerome

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

— Groucho Marx

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The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!

—Jeremy Clarkson [On paddle shift automatic gearboxes]

I was married by a judge - I should have asked for a jury.

— George Burns

I never drink water, fish fuck in it.

— W.C. Fields

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

— Samuel Goldwyn

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

— Will Rogers

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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

— Mark Twain

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

— Will Rogers

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

— Brendan Behan

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

— Bill Cosby

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.

— Oliver Goldsmith

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Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

— Oscar Wilde

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

— Benjamin Franklin

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

— Groucho Marx

Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work.

— Will Rogers

I just love Chinese food. My favourite dish is number 27.

— Clement Atlee

</option> <option>

A turbo: Exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

—Jeremy Clarkson

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

— Winston Churchill

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

— Spike Milligan

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear, I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would. One day, it would pull your head off.

—Jeremy Clarkson

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

— George Best

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The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

— Natalie Wood

My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing will begin in five minutes.

—Ronald Reagan [during radio microphone test]

I'd like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

—Jeremy Clarkson

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

—Alex Levine

In many ways then this car is like herpes. Great fun catching it but not so much fun live with every day.

—Jeremy Clarkson (about the Chevrolet Corvette Z06)

</option> <option>

Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

— Author Unknown

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

— Voltaire

My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.

— Winston Churchill

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

— Robert Orben

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

— Mae West

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Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female.

— Desmond Morris

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

— Groucho Marx

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will.

— Homer Simpson

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

— Oscar Wilde

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

— Emo Philips

</option> <option>

It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.

— Oscar Wilde

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

— Mark Twain

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

— Oprah Winfrey

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

— W.C. Fields

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

— Mark Twain

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O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

— Saint Augustine

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

— Steven Wright

At this point the Germans are propably rolling around on the floor laughing, So: "Ze tommies have made ein car out of spit und kleenex, zhey will be crushed".

—Jeremy Clarkson (Testing the MG SV prototype)

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.

— Arnold Schwarzenegger

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

— Frank Sinatra

</option> <option>

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

— Lily Tomlin

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

— Laurence J. Peter

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

—Jeremy Clarkson (On the BMW X3)

Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning.

— George W Bush

I have made an important discovery…that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.

— Oscar Wilde

</option> <option>

It's not the people who are in prison worry me. It's the people who aren't.

— Arthur Gore

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

— Groucho Marx

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

— Bill Vaughan

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

— George Burns

The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.

— Voltaire

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Stop thinking, and end your problems.

— Lao Tzu

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

— Albert Einstein

The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too.

— Anton Chekhov

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... being stabbed?

—Jeremy Clarkson

There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.

— George Burns

</option> <option>

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

— Groucho Marx

Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You've heard she's mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn't you?

—Jeremy Clarkson (On the Alfa Romeo Brera)

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

— Henny Youngman

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

— Woody Allen

Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.

— Winston Churchill

</option> <option>

Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

— Darrin Weinberg

When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.

— Winston Churchill

Woe unto you also, lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne.

— Jesus

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

— Laurence J. Peter

</option> </choice>