When Stan Marsh is declared to be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard, Tom Cruise ambushes Stan in his room, trying to seek approval from his reincarnated mentor. Feeling rejected after Stan states that his acting is average, Cruise hides in Stan's closet; 'closet' being used as double meaning for a closet homosexual.
Other celebrities appear, to try to persuade Cruise to "come out of the closet", including his ex-wife Nicole Kidman, fellow actor and Scientologist John Travolta, and pop singer R. Kelly. Eventually John Travolta and R. Kelly also become trapped in the closet.
R. Kelly: Well I was just standing here, and Tom Cruise locked himself in the closet. I asked myself "Why won't Tom Cruise just come out the closet?" Nobody has no answers, and so I pull out my gun! Tell me why Tom Cruise in the closet or else I'm gonna shoot someone!
R. Kelly: I was just standing here. Tom Cruise locked himself in the closet. Then John Travolta come and now, John Travolta in the closet too. Please Tom Cruise and John Travolta come out the closet! I'm gonna calm myself down, and I pull out my gun! If Tom Cruise and John Travolta don't come out of the closet I'm gonna cap this bitch.
R. Kelly: Now, I've been asked to come up here, get you both out of the closet. Man, this is some crazy shit. Why won't you both just come out the closet? And they said...
Tom Cruise and John Travolta: We're not comin' out the closet, so you can just go away.
R. Kelly: But everyone wants you out the closet.
Tom Cruise and John Travolta: That doesn't matter 'cause we're gonna stay.
R. Kelly: Now I'm startin' to get angry, so I pull out my gun!
R. Kelly: I'm gonna give you a count to three to open this closet door, one - I'm gonna shoot you both, two - I'm gonna cap some bitch, three...
(Door Opens. Kelly Enters)
R. Kelly: Now I'm in the closet. Now I'm in the closet too.
- The scenario of Tom Cruise in a closet matches the plot to R. Kelly's musical serial film Trapped in the Closet.
- The frequent unholstering of R. Kelly's gun parodies the unusual and oftentimes inappropriate persistence with which Kelly himself does this in Trapped in the Closet; becoming a source of amusement for many fans of the serial.