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{{TabScript|episode=Tonsil Trouble}}
+
{{TabScript|episode=Tonsil Trouble|code=n9jsjf/south-park-tonsil-trouble-season-12-ep-1|nav={{SP navigation|The List|Britney's New Look}}}}
 
==Cast==
 
==Cast==
*Stan
+
*[[Stan Marsh]]
*Kyle
+
*[[Kyle Broflovski]]
*Cartman
+
*[[Eric Cartman]]
  +
*[[Kenny McCormick]]
*Butters
 
  +
*[[Butters Stotch]]
*Clyde
 
  +
*[[Clyde Donovan]]
*Jimmy
 
  +
*[[Jimmy Valmer]]
*Liane
 
  +
*[[Liane Cartman]]
*Sheila
 
  +
*[[Sheila Broflovski]]
*Mr. Mackey
 
  +
*[[Mr. Mackey]]
*Principal Victoria
 
  +
*[[Principal Victoria]]
 
*Dentist
 
*Dentist
  +
*[[Dr. Carroll]]
*Doctor
 
*Dr. Doctor
+
*[[Dr. Matlock]]
  +
*[[Dr. Doctor]]
 
*Anchorman
 
*Anchorman
 
*Driver in Nigeria
 
*Driver in Nigeria
*Flight Attendant
+
*[[Candice|Flight attendant]]
*Delta Airlines Clerk
+
*Delta Airlines clerk
 
*M.C.
 
*M.C.
 
*Waitress
 
*Waitress
*Jimmy Buffett
+
*[[Jimmy Buffett]]
*Magic Johnson
+
*[[Magic Johnson]]
*Magic's Butler
+
*Magic's butler
*Mitch and AIDS Research Scientists
+
*[[Mitch]] and AIDS research scientists
   
 
==Script==
 
==Script==
  +
{{EpisodeScript|
This script is not yet finished.
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|A close-up of a tongue depressor holding a tongue down, and the sound of a boy going "AHHHHHH." The camera pans out to reveal a dentist looking inside Cartman's mouth. Liane stands nearby, watching. They are all in Cartman's room.}}
{|class="wikitable" border="1" width="100%"
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|AHHHHHH.}}
!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Dentist|Well, there's no doubt about it. Those tonsils need to come out.}}
|style="background:#C0C0C0;"|
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|What?}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|Uh, what exactly does that entail, doctor?}}
!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Dentist|It's a very simple operation. We'll just put you to sleep, Eric, and when you wake up you'll be tonsil-free!}}
| bgcolor="#dcba98"|''[A close-up of a tongue depressor holding a tongue down, and the sound of a boy going "AHHHHHH." The camera pans out to reveal a dentist looking inside Cartman's mouth. Liane stands nearby, watching. They are all in Cartman's room.]''
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|No- No way. I'm not going to the hospital, Mom!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Dentist|Oh, I thought you were a ''tough'' kid! You're not ''scared'' of hospitals, are you?}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|No, I'm not scared... I just- I don't want my tonsils out, that's all!}}
|AHHHHHH.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Dentist|Well then I guess you don't want all the ice cream you get after the surgery, either.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|...Ice cream?}}
!Dentist:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Dentist|It'd be a shame to have to give all that free ice cream to the big boys who aren't scared of hospitals.}}
|Well, there's no doubt about it. Those tonsils need to come out.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|What do you say, champ? Think you can tough it out?}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Well...you did say ''free'' ice cream? ''[Dentist and Liane laugh]''}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|A shot of Hell's Pass Hospital. Camera cuts to a hospital room where Cartman is asleep in a hospital bed. Liane is sitting by his side, holding his hand and smiling}}
|What?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|Poopsiekins, wake up. Wake up, honey.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[Opening his eyes, blinking a lot]'' Uh. It's over?}}
!Liane:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|That's right, you did it, Poopsiekins!}}
|Uh, what exactly does that entail, doctor?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[Eyes fully open, sitting up]'' Its over! I didn't feel anything! You were right, Mom!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|I'm so proud of you, Eric.}}
!Dentist:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|All right, so where's my ice cream?}}
|It's a very simple operation. We'll just put you to sleep, Eric, and when you wake up you'll be tonsil-free!
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|The doctor and two opposite sex nurses enter the room looking very nervous.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|Oh, here's the doctors now! Hi, doctor.}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|You were right, doctor! Everything is okay!}}
|No- No way. I'm not going to the hospital, Mom!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Doctor Carroll|No, it's not. Eric, I'm afraid that we've accidentally infected you with the AIDS virus.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|...What!?}}
!Dentist:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|What's that supposed to mean?!}}
|Oh, I thought you were a ''tough'' kid! You're not ''scared'' of hospitals, are you?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Doctor|During the tonsil surgery we had to supply you with donor blood. A mistake was made and you were given blood contaminated with HIV. It was a one in a billion fluke.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|I HAVE AIDS?}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Doctor Carroll|Not yet, but we've confirmed that you now have the virus that causes AIDS. We are very sorry.}}
|No, I'm not scared... I just- I don't want my tonsils out, that's all!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|"''Sorry''"?! You gave me AIDS and you're "''sorry''"?!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|Oh, my poor little baby!}}
!Dentist:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Mom, you said nothing would go wrong!}}
|Well I guess you don't want all the ice cream you get after the surgery, either.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|Oh God! ''[Cries]'' Oh no!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|No! No, this is a joke, right!? This is a joke; I can't have AIDS!}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Doctor|We're going to do everything in our power to make this up to you, Eric. For starters, I think I owe you some ice cream. ''[One of the doctors brings over a plate with two sundaes on it, leaving it on Cartman's bed.]''}}
|...Ice cream?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[Knocks the ice cream on the ground]'' Fuck your ice cream! You said I'd be fine! You all said I'd be FINE!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|''[Sobbing]'' Oh, oh, my baby has HIV!}}
!Dentist:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|NO! ''NOOOOOOOO''!}}
|It'd be a shame to have to give all that free ice cream to the big boys who aren't afraid of hospitals.
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|A shot of South Park Elementary as segue music plays. In the teachers lounge, Principal Victoria, Mr. Mackey, Ms. Garrison, two other staff members, and all of the boys' parents are gathered.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Principal Victoria|Thank you for coming, everyone. ''[Stan, Kyle, Butters and Kenny walk in.]''}}
!Liane:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Principal Victoria|Boys, please take a seat.}}
|What do you say, champ? Think you can tough it out?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|''[The boys sit down.]'' What's going on? Are we in trouble?}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Principal Victoria|Boys, the reason we called you all in is because one of your friends... has a serious illness. Eric Cartman has been diagnosed with HIV.}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|''[All five boys are surprised.]'' ...What?}}
|Well...you did say ''free'' ice cream?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Oh no.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Doctor Matlock|He's been to several specialists after a botched blood transfusion. The disease is in very early stages and completely manageable, but he's naturally a bit scared.}}
!Dentist and Liane:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Cartman has HIV?}}
|(Laughs)
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Doctor Matlock|We need everyone to understand you can't get the virus from Eric. You can still give him hugs and even kisses. Don't be afraid of him, just-}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Excuse me. Eric Cartman has HIV?}}
!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Principal Victoria|All right, we're going to bring Eric in now, and let's all be as supportive as we can and show him lots of love, okay?}}
| bgcolor="#dcba98"|''[A shot of Hell's Pass Hospital. Camera cuts to a hospital room where Cartman is asleep in a hospital bed. Liane is sitting by his side, holding his hand and smiling]''
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Mr. Mackey|''[Opens the back door]'' Eric? Come on in, your friends want to say "Hi", m'kay? ''[Eric walks into the room with a black baseball cap, a gray scarf, and an annoyed look. Everyone greets him.]''}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|...No. Way.}}
!Liane:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|''[Walks over to Cartman, putting an arm around his shoulder]'' How ya doin', Eric? You know, I think you're a real special little guy, and even though you have AIDS, I ain't gonna act any different towards you. ''[Smiles and kisses Cartman on the cheek, much to his horror]''}}
|Poopsiekins, wake up. Wake up, honey.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|God damn it, this sucks ass!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|...Excuse me, I have to step out for a minute. ''[Leaves the room and begins laughing in the hallway. It can be heard from in the room.]''}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Poor Kyle. He's really taking it hard.}}
|''[Opening his eyes, blinking a lot]'' Uh. It's over?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Is Kyle laughing out there!? This isn't a time for funny jokes, I'm gonna die!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Doctor Matlock|No, you're not going to die, Eric. AIDS isn't as big a deal as it used to be. There are advances in treatment and-}}
!Liane:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Not a big deal!? Is that how everyone feels!? People need to understand the seriousness of this illness, and the bravery of the people who struggle with it!}}
|That's right, you did it, Poopsiekins!
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|A shot of the Airport Hilton, where Elton John is scheduled to hold an AIDS benefit for Eric Cartman}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|Inside, a group of people are in the grand ballroom. Pictures of Cartman hang on the walls. An M.C. steps up to the mic}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|M.C.|We are here tonight to salute the bravery and the courage of one very special little boy who is living with HIV. ''[there's hardly anyone there: just his mom, Butters, Jimmy, and two other adults.]''}}
|''[Eye's fully open, sitting up]'' It's over! I didn't feel anything! You were right, Mom!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Where the hell is everybody? ''[a waitress arrives with some food]''}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|Excuse me, shouldn't we wait for everyone to arrive before we get started?}}
!Liane:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Waitress|This is everyone. We didn't sell that many tickets.}}
|I'm so proud of you, Eric.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Great benefit, Eric!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Jimmy|The Italian meatballs are fa-fantastic.}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|So this is it?}}
|Alright, so where's my ice cream?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Waitress|I'm afraid AIDS benefits aren't as popular as they used to be. AIDS was more the '80s/'90s disease. It's all about cancer now. ''[leaves]''}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Well that's just great! Of all the times to get AIDS, I get it right when everyone stops givin' a crap!}}
!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|M.C.|With all of your help, we have raised over seventeen dollars for AIDS tonight, and that money will certainly go towards helping little Eric Markman.}}
|''[Three doctors enter the room looking very nervous.]''
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Just bring out Elton John already!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|M.C.|Uh we're sorry, Elton couldn't make it. He- uh, he had to play at a cancer benefit.}}
!Liane:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Waitress|It's all right, we got somebody better: Jimmy Buffett!}}
|Oh, here's the doctors now! Hi, doctor.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Jimmy Buffett?!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Jimmy Buffett|<poem><i>Hello everyone. I wrote this song for a very brave little boy.
!Cartman:
 
  +
AIDSburger in paradise!
|You were right, doctor! ''[cough]'' Everything is okay!
 
  +
AIDSburger and it ain't nice!
|-
 
  +
</i></poem>}}
!Doctor:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Nobody likes Jimmy Buffett except for frat boys and alcoholic chicks from the South!}}
|No, it's not. Eric, I'm afraid that we've accidentally infected you with the AIDS virus.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Jimmy Buffett|<poem><i>A little boy in South Park
|-
 
  +
Dyin' of AIDS in the cold dark
!Liane:
 
  +
How he got AIDS I haven't a clue.
|...What!?
 
  +
Wastin' away again because of AIDS and stuff
|-
 
  +
How are we all feelin' tonight?
!Cartman:
 
  +
</i></poem>}}
|What's that supposed to mean!?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[sticks his middle finger up in the air]'' Fuck you, Jimmy Buffett! You fuckin' suck!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|Ohoho poopsiekins, be nice.}}
!Doctor:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Fuck you Mom, I have fucking AIDS!}}
|During the tonsil surgery we had to supply you with donor blood. A mistake was made and you were given blood contaminated with HIV. It was a one in a billion fluke.
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|The neighborhood bus stop, day. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny wait for the bus. Cartman walks up, dressed as he was a day or 2 ago}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Hey guys, thanks a lot for coming to my AIDS benefit yesterday.}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|Oh dude, was that yesterday? We forgot.}}
|I HAVE AIDS?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Yeah, you forgot. Just like a lot of people lately have forgot that AIDS is still killing people! Seems like all of America has forgot that HIV is a serious disease.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|Well, did... Elton John sing a song for you?}}
!Doctor:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|...No, as a matter of fact, Jimmy Buffett came instead. ''[Kyle bursts out laughing; Cartman angrily approaches him]'' OH YEAH, IT'S REAL FUCKING FUNNY, KYLE!}}
|Not yet, but we've confirmed that you now have the virus that causes AIDS. We are very sorry.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[trying to stop laughing long enough to say something]'' I'm sorry. I'm. I'm really. Cartman, I f-I feel really bad for you. Honestly.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|NO YOU DON'T!}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|I do. ''[smiles and keeps from laughing]''}}
|"''SORRY''"!? YOU GAVE ME AIDS AND YOU'RE "''SORRY''"!?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|If you really felt bad, you'd wipe that fucking smirk off your face! ''[the smirk is having trouble not breaking into a laugh]'' Well any goddamned second, Kyle!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|I'm sorry. I gotta go home. ''[laughs, turns away and leaves. His laughter trails off]''}}
!Liane:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[watched Kyle leave]'' Jesus Christ, can you believe that asshole?!}}
|Oh, my poor little baby!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|He does feel bad for you, Cartman; he just thinks it's... ironic.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Ironic how?}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|Well, you know, you're always such a dick and stuff, and, and now...}}
|Mom, you said nothing would go wrong!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[spins around and gets in Stan's face]'' Oh, and what?! I deserve it?! Is that what you think?!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|''[backs away a bit]'' Not me! That's, uh, kinda what he thinks.}}
!Liane:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[advances]'' Nobody deserves this illness, Stan, Kenny! Nobody! It's awful! And maybe somebody needs to teach Kyle how to have some compassion!}}
|Oh God! ''[Cries]'' Oh no!
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|Kyle's house, night. Kyle is asleep in his room, his curtains partially open. Outside in the bushes, Butters appears dressed as a cat burglar}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Oh, uh-okay, it's clear.}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[comes into view also dressed as a cat burglar]'' All right, get that rope ready to hoist me up. ''[they head towards the sliding door]''}}
|No! No, this is a joke, right!? This is a joke; I can't have AIDS!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Okay, but... what are you going to do?}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Kyle thinks that HIV is funny, so we're gonna make him look funny, and then he'll know how it feels to be laughed at.}}
!Doctor:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|I just uh... well I don't know if I should be helping you make Kyle look silly.}}
|We're going to do everything in our power to make this up to you, Eric. For starters, I think I owe you some ice cream.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Butters, helping people who have AIDS is one of the most important things you can do.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|I know, but are you sure Kyle has to be taught a lesson?}}
!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|I'm not just sure, Butters. I'm HIV-positive.}}
|(One of the doctors brings over a plate with two sundaes on it, leaving it on Cartman's bed.)
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|''[reflects on the answer]'' Oh yeah, uh-well I guess that's true.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[gets down to business]'' All right, now get the rope up over that third rafter above the window; that's the easiest access.}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Wow, you really know what you're doing.}}
|(Knocks the ice cream on the ground) '''Fuck your ice cream'''! You said I'd be fine! You all said I'd be FINE!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Yeah, I've sneaked into Kyle's room lots of times. ''[moments later, Cartman is shown moving up along the outer wall to Kyle's window. He stops and opens the window gingerly, silently steps onto Kyle's bed, and walks over to Kyle's face. Then he whispers]'' You think HIV is something to be laughed at, Kyle? Well... ''[reaches into his back pack, pulls out a syringe, rolls up the sleeves on his left arm and...]'' let's just see how funny it is now, asshole. ''[...draws some blood into it and drops the blood into Kyle's mouth. Kyle instinctively tastes it and swallows it. Cartman quickly goes back out the window and slams it shut as Kyle wakes up.]''}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Wagh.}}
!Liane:
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|South Park clinic. Kyle sits on the bed as Sheila hands him some tissue. He sneezes.}}
|''[Sobbing]'' Oh, oh, my baby has HIV!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Sheila|There there, bubbe, you'll be okay. ''[a doctor walks into the room]'' Oh doctor, did you find anything? Is it strep?}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Dr. Doctor|No, it isn't strep...}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Sheila|Oh, well there's a relief.}}
|NO! ''NOOOOOOOO''!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Dr. Doctor|...Mrs. Broflovski, has your son ever had a blood transfusion?}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Sheila|No, why?}}
!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Dr. Doctor|''[walks around to Kyle's end of the bed]'' Little boy, have you been having unprotected anal sex?}}
| bgcolor="#dcba98"|''[(A shot of South Park Elementary as segue music plays. In the teachers lounge, Principal Victoria, Mr. Mackey, Ms. Garrison, two other staff members, and all of the boys' parents are gathered.]''
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|What? No?!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Sheila|Doctor, what are you saying?}}
!Principal Victoria:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Dr. Doctor|''[walks up to Sheila]'' We've run every test imaginable... little Kyle here is infected with HIV.}}
|Thank you for coming, everyone.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|What?}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Sheila|HIV?}}
!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Dr. Doctor|It took us a long time to narrow it down, but there is no doubt.}}
|''[Stan, Kyle, Butters and Kenny walk in.]''
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Sheila|No, that's impossible!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Dr. Doctor|''[addresses Kyle]'' Little boy, are you sure you haven't taken it up the hoohoo just once or twice?}}
!Principal Victoria:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|No! No God damn it no! I'm telling you you're wrong! There, there's no way I can have HIV! Unless maybe... ''[his eyes open wide at the realization that Cartman deliberately infected him with the HIV virus.]'' Oh my God. ''[gets angry]'' THAT SON OF A BITCH!!! ''[hops off the bed and rushes out the door]''}}
|Boys, please take a seat.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Sheila|Kyle? Kyle!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|Recess at South Park Elementary. The boys are outside tossing a football. Craig catches a football and looks for an opening}}
!Stan:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Pass me the ball! ''[Kyle angrily runs in from a distance...]'' Pass me the ball, Craig, you stupid asshole! ''[...and shoves Cartman to the ground forward at full speed. Cartman falls on his face, then looks back and up at Kyle.]'' Kyle, what the F?!}}
|''[The boys sit down.]'' What's going on? Are we in trouble?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|I'm gonna kill you, Cartman!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Kyle, what?!}}
!Principal Victoria:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|''[steps into view. Kyle is furious.]'' What did he do?}}
|Boys, the reason we all called you in is because one of your friends...has a serious illness. Eric Cartman has been diagnosed with HIV.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Why do I have HIV?!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Clyde|...Oh...}}
!Stan:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Oh, you have HIV, huh Kyle? Guess it isn't so funny now, is it?}}
|''[All five boys are surprised.]'' ...What?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|What did you do?!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Nothing!}}
!Butters:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Then why did Butters say he helped you sneak into my room last Friday night?! ''[Behind Cartman, Butters motions Kyle not to say anything further]''}}
|Oh no.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Oh nice, Butters, you big tattle-tale. ''[Butters stops motioning]''}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Tattle-tale?! Do you know how serious this is?!}}
!Doctor 2:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Well, Kyle, maybe I was just trying to prove a p-}}
|He's been to several specialists after a botched blood transfusion. The disease is in very early stages and completely manageable, but he's naturally a bit scared.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[charges at Cartman]'' AAAAAAA! ''[starts punching him mercilessly, the other kids start cheering and jumping up and down while one girl does not and looks on with concern while titling her head.]''}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Kyle!}}
!Kyle:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[doesn't let up]'' Hate you! ''[punch]'' Hate you! ''[punch. Mr. Mackey walks into the fray]''}}
|Cartman has HIV?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Mr.Mackey|Hey! Hey, that's enough! Break it up, m'kay?! ''[tries to separate the boys...]'' Break it up! M'kay?! ''[...but ends up hoisting them away together at each other's throats]'' M'kay!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|Principal Victoria's office, moments later. Mr. Mackey has taken Kyle and Cartman there and now stands next to the principal}}
!Doctor 2:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Principal Victoria|All right, boys, now what is this fighting all about?}}
|We need everyone to understand you can't get the virus from Eric. You can still give him hugs and even kisses. Don't be afraid of him, just-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[pointing to Cartman]'' He gave me AIDS!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Principal Victoria|What?}}
!Kyle:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|He purposely infected me with his HIV virus!}}
|Excuse me. Eric Cartman has HIV?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Principal Victoria|Is that true, Eric? Did you give Kyle AIDS?}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Well he was being a total dick! And he's a big tattle-tale and going around and talking crap about me!}}
!Principal Victoria:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Principal Victoria|''[pointedly]'' Did you infect Kyle with the HIV virus, yes or no?!}}
|Alright, we're going to bring Eric in now, and let's all be as supportive as we can and show him lots of love, okay?
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[grudgingly]'' Kind of.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Mr. Mackey|Eric, that is not appropriate behavior, m'kay? You cannot purposely infect other kids with your disease!}}
!Mr. Mackey:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Principal Victoria|That's right. I think you owe Kyle an apology.}}
|''[Opens the back door]'' Eric? Come on in, your friends want to say "Hi", m'kay? ''[Eric walks into the room with a black baseball cap, a gray scarf, and an annoyed look. Everyone greets him.]''
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[grudgingly]'' I'm sorry.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|An apology?!}}
!Kyle:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Principal Victoria|You're sorry for what, Eric?}}
|...No. Way.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|I'm sorry for giving you AIDS, Kyle.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Principal Victoria|That's better. And now Kyle, maybe you should also admit you were wrong for tattling.}}
!Butters:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[can't believe these adults]'' ...What?!}}
|'[[Walks over to Cartman, putting an arm around his shoulder]'' How ya doin', Eric? You know, I think you're a real special little guy, and even though you have AIDS, I ain't gonna act any different towards you. ''[Smiles and kisses Cartman on the cheek, much to his horror]''
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Mr. Mackey|Kyle, the thing about tattlin' is, eh tattlin's bad. M'kay, because nobody likes a tattle-tale, m'kay?}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|A tattle-tale?! He infected me with AIDS!}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|See? He's tattling again. He hasn't learned a thing you guys. ''[they are shown the door]''}}
|Goddammit, this ''sucks ASS''!
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|The hallway. Kyle walks forward and leaves the principal's office. The camera tracks him, and Cartman begins to move as well.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[keeping pace with Kyle]'' Well Kyle, I guess we're even now. Shall we just call it a truce? Kyle? Shall we call it Even Stevens now? ''[stops]'' Kyle, where are you going?}}
!Kyle:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[turns around and returns to Cartman, then says between gritted teeth calmly but angrily]'' I am going to break everything that you own. ''[spins around and walks away]''}}
|...Excuse me, I have to step out for a minute. ''[Leaves the room and begins laughing in the hallway. It can be heard from in the room.]''
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|What's that supposed to mean? Kyle? ''[settles on the obvious]'' Kyle, no! I apologized, Kyle!!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|Cartman's house, front. Kyle approaches the front door and opens it. He goes right in and up the stairs. Cartman appears by the driveway a few seconds later}}
!Butters:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Kyle! Kyle, hold on, you asshole! ''[Kyle enters Cartman's room and begins breaking anything he sees. First, a toy rocket. Then, he grabs a poster of Braveheart from the wall and rips it apart while screaming in rage. Next, he grabs the Wellington Bear Magic Mic and smashes it on the floor. Cartman walks in.]'' What the fuck are you doing?! ''[picks up some of his broken toys. Kyle knocks over a box of small toys]'' Kyle, stop it! ''[Kyle breaks apart a toy Mountie after 3 tries]'' God damn it, don't! ''[Kyle walks over to Cartman's big toy box, grabs Clyde Frog,..]'' Kyle, no! Not Clyde Frog! Leave Clyde Frog alone! ''[...and rips its head right off and moves off.]'' NO!! ''[Cartman picks up the 2 halves of his plush frog as Kyle moves to the Xbox]'' AHH! Clyde Frog!! Clyde Frog you ba- no! Not the Xbox, Kyle! ''[Kyle picks it up and tries to pull it out of the power socket]'' Not the X-wait! WAIT A SECOND! ''[stops Kyle before Kyle gets to smash the Xbox on the floor]'' I'm sorry I gave you HIV, all right?! Just give me a chance, and I can cure you!}}
|Poor Kyle. He's really taking it hard.
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|There is no cure, you asshole!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|No, no, listen, Kyle! I'm on to something. There really is hope.}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|What hope?!}}
|Is Kyle LAUGHING out there!? This isn't a time for funny jokes, I'm gonna ''die''!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Break my Xbox and you'll never know.}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|You're lying!}}
!Doctor 2:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|NO! No-al-, all right Kyle! Magic Johnson, Kyle! The key is Magic Johnson.}}
|No, you're not going to ''die'', Eric. AIDS isn't as big a deal as it used to be. There are advances in treatment and-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Magic Johnson?}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|He was a basketball player.}}
!Cartman:
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|So what?!}}
|Not a big deal!? Is that how everyone feels!? People need to understand the seriousness of this illness, and the bravery of the people who struggle with it!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|So he got HIV like 50 years ago, and he's still totally fine! Magic Johnson has some kind of resistance to the virus, Kyle. I've been researching it since I got infected. If we can track him down and isolate his genetic prototype, we have a chance of beating this thing, buddy. ''[grabs Kyle's shoulder]'' You and me, Kyle. We can overcome our illness; I swear it to you!}}
|-
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[looks at the XBOX for a few moments]'' You better! 'Cause if you don't find a cure for HIV, I will break your Xbox!}}
!
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[stunned]'' My God...}}
| bgcolor="#dcba98"|''['''End of Tonsil Trouble'''.]''
 
  +
{{ScriptScene|Denver International Airport. A list of gates are shown. Kyle and Cartman walk in and go to a Delta Airlines clerk}}
|}
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|We need 2 tickets to Los Angeles as soon as possible.}}
 
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Clerk|Los Angeles. Okay, uh I have a 2:00 flight. That would beee... $400 each.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Ah, sir, you don't understand. We have to see Magic Johnson right away. You see, we have AIDS.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Clerk|...AIDS? Wow, that's really... retro. But ah I'm sorry. I- I just can't give away free seats.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Don't you get it?! We are 2 pals afflicted with an illness, and who only have each other in a race against time! Innocent playful children who are stricken with a deadly disease for no reason!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Oh please, no reason! I got AIDS from him!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Clerk|Oh, you boys are ''[sticks his left index finger into a tube he makes with his right hand and moves it in and out of the tube]'' like that, huh?}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|NO!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Clerk|Are you sure you boys just don't have any cash?}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|We're not just sure, we're HIV-positive.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Clerk|Uh, we sometimes offer free seats to cancer patients, but AIDS I d-. Heh-hey Mitch? Do we have any AIDS patient policies?}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Forget it, all right?! We'll use another airline! One that cares! ''[turns around and leaves Kyle standing there]''}}
  +
{{ScriptScene|The interior of an airplane. Cartman and Kyle sit in aisle seats near the front of the cabin. A flight attendant walks up to them}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Flight attendant|We're so happy to help accommodate you brave boys. What kind of cancer did you say you have again?}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Oh uh, you know, all over cancer.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Flight attendant|I'm so sorry.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Yeah, well, at least ''[leans into the aisle and looks back at the other passengers]'' it's not as bad as having AIDS. AIDS is the worst disease.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Flight attendant|Hm, I don't know. These days I think I'd rather have AIDS than cancer.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|No you wouldn't! Look, shouldn't you be serving people drinks or something?! Get outta here! ''[the flight attendant turns and walks away]'' We're on our way, buddy. ''[puts his left hand on Kyle's right hand]'' Magic Johnson, here we come.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[coldly]'' Don't. Touch me.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[removes his hand from Kyle's and places his hands together over his stomach]'' I know. I'm scared too.}}
  +
{{ScriptScene|Magic Johnson's mansion, day. Behind it is a smoggy horizon.}}
  +
{{ScriptScene|Magic Johnson's mansion, living room. Magic has his feet propped up on a glass coffee table. He's spinning a basketball on his right index finger as he changes channels with his left hand. An NBA Championship trophy sits on a small table to the left}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Butler|Magic. Magic, could you come to the front for a minute? There are a couple of boys here to see you. Two brave little buddies who against all odds have journeyed across America to find the cure for AIDS. All they have are each other in a race against time. ''[Magic sheds a big tear and sniffs]''}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[moments later]'' Thank you for seeing us, Mr. Johnson. We were hoping that maybe you have some kind of key that can help us with our disease.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Magic|You boys both have the virus? Are you sure?}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|We're not just sure, we're HIV-positive.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[quickly irritated via short temper; exploding]'' Will you stop it with that!?! ''[angrily points at Cartman]'' What part of this is funny to you?!!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Kyle, we need to try to find a-}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|What part of being infected with a deadly disease do you find funny?!!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[thinks for a few seconds]'' I don't think it's funny, Kyle.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[angrily points at Cartman again]'' Then stop saying you're not just sure, you're HIV positive!! ''[Cartman keeps quiet]'' This isn't funny, AIDS isn't funny, dying isn't funny, ''[points at Cartman a third time with his eyes closed.]'' So shut the fuck up!!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[clears his throat]'' Well excuse me, Kyle, for trying to keep some optimism, you know? I mean, sometimes when things... seem their darkest you just need to try and stay... HIV-positive, but if you wanna be so HIV-negative all the time, I-}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[angrily points at Cartman a fourth time]'' Knock it off!! Right now!! This isn't funny!! At all!!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[waits a second]'' Are you sure?}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[quickly]'' Yes!!!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[waits a second]'' Are you HIV-positive? ''[Kyle punches him]'' (groans in pain) Ow, fuck, Kyle!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Magic|Boys, the truth is I don't know why my body is so resistant to the virus. I would love to know so I could help others, but I just don't. ''[shrugs]''}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Well, I've been thinking: maybe there's something you've come into contact with that hinders HIV from growing. Do you mind if we just look around?}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Magic|Well, not at all.}}
  +
{{ScriptScene|The hallway. Magic and the boys pass various rooms}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Magic|The pool is over there ''[motions to his left]'', where I try to swim and stay in shape. My kitchen ''[motions to his right]'' is full of pretty healthy food. I don't know which thing it is that keeps my T-cell count high, so I... try it all.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|But everyone tries that. There has to be something you're exposed to that others aren't. Could we see where you sleep?}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Magic|Sure.}}
  +
{{ScriptScene|The bedroom. The double doors swing open and the group enters}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Magic|Just a pretty plain old ordinary bedroom. ''[before them is the four-post bed with curtains, and stacks of dollar bills everywhere else]''}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Dude.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Magic|Oh, oh yeah, I- I don't trust banks. I sleep with all my money.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|You sleep with money. Every night?}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Magic|Yeah, I like to keep it close b- ...You don't think that..?}}
  +
{{ScriptScene|AIDS Research Center, day. Inside a laboratory there, a scientist analyzes a blood sample through a microscope}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Scientist 1|''[changes focus]'' It's incredible. Mitch, these boys could be onto something. Take a look. ''[Mitch steps in and looks into the microscope]'' That's a sample of HIV-infected blood. You can clearly see the HIV attacking the white blood cells, right? ''[the HIV is indeed attacking]'' All right. Watch what happens when we introduce some cash. ''[waves a brick of bills around near the microscope]''}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Mitch|My God. The HIV particles are receding! ''[the particles scream as they sense the money, and leave the white blood cells alone]''}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Scientist 1|The cash does seem to retrain the HIV cells from stabilizing.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Scientist 2|Now hold on! All the cash is doing is destabilizing the virus, not destroying it.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Well look, if being around lots of cash negatively affects the HIV, then maybe...}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Mitch|Then maybe enough cash shot directly into the bloodstream could kill the virus altogether.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Magic|I have enough cash for all three of us! We should give it a try!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Scientist 2|Na-noo, it's ridiculous. We need FDA approval, control studies! I'm sorry, but this is impossible!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Magic|These boys have shown us that a lot of impossible things can happen. ''[genuflects next to them]'' Their friendship has conquered every obstacle in their illness-ridden lives.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Scientist 2|''[sighs heavily and puts his hands on a lab table]'' Their incredible friendship has brought a sparkle of hope to our world, that's for sure.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[looks away]'' Wugh.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Scientist 2|I suppose we could try to distill Magic's cash down to its... most highly-concentrated level and... try it on one of them. But it's very risky.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Yeah well, if there's a chance of being cured of this illness, then Kyle is willing to take that risk.}}
  +
{{ScriptScene|moments later, a tank holding a lot of Magic's dollar bills is brought in. A shredder is lowered into the tank and turned on. It shreds the bills to into pulp and then is lifted out. The tank is lifted up over a cylinder and the pulp is poured from the tank to the cylinder, which turns out to be a giant pump. The pump is activated and pushes the pulp into a helical tube. At the end of the tube is a small chamber which distills the pulp into a clear green liquid and acts as a dropper. The liquid drips into a large syringe. Once it fills up, Mitch takes it...}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Mitch|Let's hope to Christ this works. ''[...walks over to Kyle, kneels next to him, and injects him with the liquid. Moments later, a sample of Kyle's blood is taken and analyzed]''}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Scientist 1|Wait a minute... Yes... Yes, take a look! ''[he trades places with Scientist 2, who looks into the microscope]'' The cash particles have completely replaced all the HIV in Kyle's blood! ''[the newly repaired blood cells look like discs cut out of dollar bills. Scientist 1 turns around and faces the boys.]'' Boys, you just found the cure for AIDS.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|All right!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Scientist 1|''[throws open the lab doors and walks out]'' They found the cure for AIDS! ''[runs down the hall]'' The cure for AIDS!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Scientist 3|What is it?}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Scientist 1|''[grabs Scientist 3 by the shoulders]'' Large doses of concentrated cash! ''[runs down the hall]'' Get the media on the phone!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Scientist 4|''[female]'' All right!}}
  +
{{ScriptScene|SNN News}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Anchorman|Scientists have just discovered the cure... for AIDS. ''[smiles]'' About a hundred and eighty thousand dollars shot directly into the bloodstream.}}
  +
{{ScriptScene|Nigeria, Africa, around sunset. A station wagon pulls up and a blond driver jumps out}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Driver|Hey! They just found the cure for AIDS! You just have to inject yourself with all your cash! Woohoo!}}
  +
{{ScriptScene|A Cure For AIDS benefit at the Airport Hilton's Grand Ballroom}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|M.C.|I am pleased to announce that there is no trace of the HIV virus in either Kyle Broflovski or Eric Cartman. ''[the room applauds. Most everyone present is from South Park]'' Together these boys beat their illness. With nothing but each other, and overcoming all odds ''[Kyle's face gets angry]'', these two brave friends-}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Oh stop! We're not friends! He's the one who infected me with AIDS!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|M.C.|These two brave lovers found the cure and helped the world. And so, to honor these boys ''[Cartman grins. Kyle is still angry]'', here is... Jimmy Buffett!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[grin vanishing]'' What?! Aw, no!}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Jimmy Buffett|<poem><i>Cureburger in paradise!
  +
Cureburger. There I said it twice!
  +
</i></poem>}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|What?! Aw, God damn it! ''[puts his arm around Kyle]'' Well I'll tell you this, Kyle. I'm never gettin' my tonsils out again, hahahaha.}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|I'm still breaking your Xbox. ''[turns right and walks off]''}}
  +
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|What? No. No. ''[runs after him]'' Kyle, no!}}
  +
}}
 
{{Episodemedia12|episode=01}}
 
{{Episodemedia12|episode=01}}
  +
[[zh:艾滋兄弟/剧本]]
[[Category:Scripts from Season Twelve]]
 
  +
[[Category:Scripts From Season Twelve]]

Latest revision as of 03:24, 10 August 2023


The List "The List/Script" "Tonsil Trouble/Script" "Britney's New Look/Script" Britney's New Look

Cast

Script

Tonsil Trouble
A close-up of a tongue depressor holding a tongue down, and the sound of a boy going "AHHHHHH." The camera pans out to reveal a dentist looking inside Cartman's mouth. Liane stands nearby, watching. They are all in Cartman's room.
Cartman
AHHHHHH.
Dentist
Well, there's no doubt about it. Those tonsils need to come out.
Cartman
What?
Liane
Uh, what exactly does that entail, doctor?
Dentist
It's a very simple operation. We'll just put you to sleep, Eric, and when you wake up you'll be tonsil-free!
Cartman
No- No way. I'm not going to the hospital, Mom!
Dentist
Oh, I thought you were a tough kid! You're not scared of hospitals, are you?
Cartman
No, I'm not scared... I just- I don't want my tonsils out, that's all!
Dentist
Well then I guess you don't want all the ice cream you get after the surgery, either.
Cartman
...Ice cream?
Dentist
It'd be a shame to have to give all that free ice cream to the big boys who aren't scared of hospitals.
Liane
What do you say, champ? Think you can tough it out?
Cartman
Well...you did say free ice cream? [Dentist and Liane laugh]
A shot of Hell's Pass Hospital. Camera cuts to a hospital room where Cartman is asleep in a hospital bed. Liane is sitting by his side, holding his hand and smiling
Liane
Poopsiekins, wake up. Wake up, honey.
Cartman
[Opening his eyes, blinking a lot] Uh. It's over?
Liane
That's right, you did it, Poopsiekins!
Cartman
[Eyes fully open, sitting up] Its over! I didn't feel anything! You were right, Mom!
Liane
I'm so proud of you, Eric.
Cartman
All right, so where's my ice cream?
The doctor and two opposite sex nurses enter the room looking very nervous.
Liane
Oh, here's the doctors now! Hi, doctor.
Cartman
You were right, doctor! Everything is okay!
Doctor Carroll
No, it's not. Eric, I'm afraid that we've accidentally infected you with the AIDS virus.
Liane
...What!?
Cartman
What's that supposed to mean?!
Doctor
During the tonsil surgery we had to supply you with donor blood. A mistake was made and you were given blood contaminated with HIV. It was a one in a billion fluke.
Cartman
I HAVE AIDS?
Doctor Carroll
Not yet, but we've confirmed that you now have the virus that causes AIDS. We are very sorry.
Cartman
"Sorry"?! You gave me AIDS and you're "sorry"?!
Liane
Oh, my poor little baby!
Cartman
Mom, you said nothing would go wrong!
Liane
Oh God! [Cries] Oh no!
Cartman
No! No, this is a joke, right!? This is a joke; I can't have AIDS!
Doctor
We're going to do everything in our power to make this up to you, Eric. For starters, I think I owe you some ice cream. [One of the doctors brings over a plate with two sundaes on it, leaving it on Cartman's bed.]
Cartman
[Knocks the ice cream on the ground] Fuck your ice cream! You said I'd be fine! You all said I'd be FINE!
Liane
[Sobbing] Oh, oh, my baby has HIV!
Cartman
NO! NOOOOOOOO!
A shot of South Park Elementary as segue music plays. In the teachers lounge, Principal Victoria, Mr. Mackey, Ms. Garrison, two other staff members, and all of the boys' parents are gathered.
Principal Victoria
Thank you for coming, everyone. [Stan, Kyle, Butters and Kenny walk in.]
Principal Victoria
Boys, please take a seat.
Stan
[The boys sit down.] What's going on? Are we in trouble?
Principal Victoria
Boys, the reason we called you all in is because one of your friends... has a serious illness. Eric Cartman has been diagnosed with HIV.
Stan
[All five boys are surprised.] ...What?
Butters
Oh no.
Doctor Matlock
He's been to several specialists after a botched blood transfusion. The disease is in very early stages and completely manageable, but he's naturally a bit scared.
Kyle
Cartman has HIV?
Doctor Matlock
We need everyone to understand you can't get the virus from Eric. You can still give him hugs and even kisses. Don't be afraid of him, just-
Kyle
Excuse me. Eric Cartman has HIV?
Principal Victoria
All right, we're going to bring Eric in now, and let's all be as supportive as we can and show him lots of love, okay?
Mr. Mackey
[Opens the back door] Eric? Come on in, your friends want to say "Hi", m'kay? [Eric walks into the room with a black baseball cap, a gray scarf, and an annoyed look. Everyone greets him.]
Kyle
...No. Way.
Butters
[Walks over to Cartman, putting an arm around his shoulder] How ya doin', Eric? You know, I think you're a real special little guy, and even though you have AIDS, I ain't gonna act any different towards you. [Smiles and kisses Cartman on the cheek, much to his horror]
Cartman
God damn it, this sucks ass!
Kyle
...Excuse me, I have to step out for a minute. [Leaves the room and begins laughing in the hallway. It can be heard from in the room.]
Butters
Poor Kyle. He's really taking it hard.
Cartman
Is Kyle laughing out there!? This isn't a time for funny jokes, I'm gonna die!
Doctor Matlock
No, you're not going to die, Eric. AIDS isn't as big a deal as it used to be. There are advances in treatment and-
Cartman
Not a big deal!? Is that how everyone feels!? People need to understand the seriousness of this illness, and the bravery of the people who struggle with it!
A shot of the Airport Hilton, where Elton John is scheduled to hold an AIDS benefit for Eric Cartman
Inside, a group of people are in the grand ballroom. Pictures of Cartman hang on the walls. An M.C. steps up to the mic
M.C.
We are here tonight to salute the bravery and the courage of one very special little boy who is living with HIV. [there's hardly anyone there: just his mom, Butters, Jimmy, and two other adults.]
Cartman
Where the hell is everybody? [a waitress arrives with some food]
Liane
Excuse me, shouldn't we wait for everyone to arrive before we get started?
Waitress
This is everyone. We didn't sell that many tickets.
Butters
Great benefit, Eric!
Jimmy
The Italian meatballs are fa-fantastic.
Cartman
So this is it?
Waitress
I'm afraid AIDS benefits aren't as popular as they used to be. AIDS was more the '80s/'90s disease. It's all about cancer now. [leaves]
Cartman
Well that's just great! Of all the times to get AIDS, I get it right when everyone stops givin' a crap!
M.C.
With all of your help, we have raised over seventeen dollars for AIDS tonight, and that money will certainly go towards helping little Eric Markman.
Cartman
Just bring out Elton John already!
M.C.
Uh we're sorry, Elton couldn't make it. He- uh, he had to play at a cancer benefit.
Waitress
It's all right, we got somebody better: Jimmy Buffett!
Cartman
Jimmy Buffett?!
Jimmy Buffett

Hello everyone. I wrote this song for a very brave little boy.
AIDSburger in paradise!
AIDSburger and it ain't nice!

Cartman
Nobody likes Jimmy Buffett except for frat boys and alcoholic chicks from the South!
Jimmy Buffett

A little boy in South Park
Dyin' of AIDS in the cold dark
How he got AIDS I haven't a clue.
Wastin' away again because of AIDS and stuff
How are we all feelin' tonight?

Cartman
[sticks his middle finger up in the air] Fuck you, Jimmy Buffett! You fuckin' suck!
Liane
Ohoho poopsiekins, be nice.
Cartman
Fuck you Mom, I have fucking AIDS!
The neighborhood bus stop, day. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny wait for the bus. Cartman walks up, dressed as he was a day or 2 ago
Cartman
Hey guys, thanks a lot for coming to my AIDS benefit yesterday.
Stan
Oh dude, was that yesterday? We forgot.
Cartman
Yeah, you forgot. Just like a lot of people lately have forgot that AIDS is still killing people! Seems like all of America has forgot that HIV is a serious disease.
Stan
Well, did... Elton John sing a song for you?
Cartman
...No, as a matter of fact, Jimmy Buffett came instead. [Kyle bursts out laughing; Cartman angrily approaches him] OH YEAH, IT'S REAL FUCKING FUNNY, KYLE!
Kyle
[trying to stop laughing long enough to say something] I'm sorry. I'm. I'm really. Cartman, I f-I feel really bad for you. Honestly.
Cartman
NO YOU DON'T!
Kyle
I do. [smiles and keeps from laughing]
Cartman
If you really felt bad, you'd wipe that fucking smirk off your face! [the smirk is having trouble not breaking into a laugh] Well any goddamned second, Kyle!
Kyle
I'm sorry. I gotta go home. [laughs, turns away and leaves. His laughter trails off]
Cartman
[watched Kyle leave] Jesus Christ, can you believe that asshole?!
Stan
He does feel bad for you, Cartman; he just thinks it's... ironic.
Cartman
Ironic how?
Stan
Well, you know, you're always such a dick and stuff, and, and now...
Cartman
[spins around and gets in Stan's face] Oh, and what?! I deserve it?! Is that what you think?!
Stan
[backs away a bit] Not me! That's, uh, kinda what he thinks.
Cartman
[advances] Nobody deserves this illness, Stan, Kenny! Nobody! It's awful! And maybe somebody needs to teach Kyle how to have some compassion!
Kyle's house, night. Kyle is asleep in his room, his curtains partially open. Outside in the bushes, Butters appears dressed as a cat burglar
Butters
Oh, uh-okay, it's clear.
Cartman
[comes into view also dressed as a cat burglar] All right, get that rope ready to hoist me up. [they head towards the sliding door]
Butters
Okay, but... what are you going to do?
Cartman
Kyle thinks that HIV is funny, so we're gonna make him look funny, and then he'll know how it feels to be laughed at.
Butters
I just uh... well I don't know if I should be helping you make Kyle look silly.
Cartman
Butters, helping people who have AIDS is one of the most important things you can do.
Butters
I know, but are you sure Kyle has to be taught a lesson?
Cartman
I'm not just sure, Butters. I'm HIV-positive.
Butters
[reflects on the answer] Oh yeah, uh-well I guess that's true.
Cartman
[gets down to business] All right, now get the rope up over that third rafter above the window; that's the easiest access.
Butters
Wow, you really know what you're doing.
Cartman
Yeah, I've sneaked into Kyle's room lots of times. [moments later, Cartman is shown moving up along the outer wall to Kyle's window. He stops and opens the window gingerly, silently steps onto Kyle's bed, and walks over to Kyle's face. Then he whispers] You think HIV is something to be laughed at, Kyle? Well... [reaches into his back pack, pulls out a syringe, rolls up the sleeves on his left arm and...] let's just see how funny it is now, asshole. [...draws some blood into it and drops the blood into Kyle's mouth. Kyle instinctively tastes it and swallows it. Cartman quickly goes back out the window and slams it shut as Kyle wakes up.]
Kyle
Wagh.
South Park clinic. Kyle sits on the bed as Sheila hands him some tissue. He sneezes.
Sheila
There there, bubbe, you'll be okay. [a doctor walks into the room] Oh doctor, did you find anything? Is it strep?
Dr. Doctor
No, it isn't strep...
Sheila
Oh, well there's a relief.
Dr. Doctor
...Mrs. Broflovski, has your son ever had a blood transfusion?
Sheila
No, why?
Dr. Doctor
[walks around to Kyle's end of the bed] Little boy, have you been having unprotected anal sex?
Kyle
What? No?!
Sheila
Doctor, what are you saying?
Dr. Doctor
[walks up to Sheila] We've run every test imaginable... little Kyle here is infected with HIV.
Kyle
What?
Sheila
HIV?
Dr. Doctor
It took us a long time to narrow it down, but there is no doubt.
Sheila
No, that's impossible!
Dr. Doctor
[addresses Kyle] Little boy, are you sure you haven't taken it up the hoohoo just once or twice?
Kyle
No! No God damn it no! I'm telling you you're wrong! There, there's no way I can have HIV! Unless maybe... [his eyes open wide at the realization that Cartman deliberately infected him with the HIV virus.] Oh my God. [gets angry] THAT SON OF A BITCH!!! [hops off the bed and rushes out the door]
Sheila
Kyle? Kyle!
Recess at South Park Elementary. The boys are outside tossing a football. Craig catches a football and looks for an opening
Cartman
Pass me the ball! [Kyle angrily runs in from a distance...] Pass me the ball, Craig, you stupid asshole! [...and shoves Cartman to the ground forward at full speed. Cartman falls on his face, then looks back and up at Kyle.] Kyle, what the F?!
Kyle
I'm gonna kill you, Cartman!
Cartman
Kyle, what?!
Stan
[steps into view. Kyle is furious.] What did he do?
Kyle
Why do I have HIV?!
Clyde
...Oh...
Cartman
Oh, you have HIV, huh Kyle? Guess it isn't so funny now, is it?
Kyle
What did you do?!
Cartman
Nothing!
Kyle
Then why did Butters say he helped you sneak into my room last Friday night?! [Behind Cartman, Butters motions Kyle not to say anything further]
Cartman
Oh nice, Butters, you big tattle-tale. [Butters stops motioning]
Kyle
Tattle-tale?! Do you know how serious this is?!
Cartman
Well, Kyle, maybe I was just trying to prove a p-
Kyle
[charges at Cartman] AAAAAAA! [starts punching him mercilessly, the other kids start cheering and jumping up and down while one girl does not and looks on with concern while titling her head.]
Cartman
Kyle!
Kyle
[doesn't let up] Hate you! [punch] Hate you! [punch. Mr. Mackey walks into the fray]
Mr.Mackey
Hey! Hey, that's enough! Break it up, m'kay?! [tries to separate the boys...] Break it up! M'kay?! [...but ends up hoisting them away together at each other's throats] M'kay!
Principal Victoria's office, moments later. Mr. Mackey has taken Kyle and Cartman there and now stands next to the principal
Principal Victoria
All right, boys, now what is this fighting all about?
Kyle
[pointing to Cartman] He gave me AIDS!
Principal Victoria
What?
Kyle
He purposely infected me with his HIV virus!
Principal Victoria
Is that true, Eric? Did you give Kyle AIDS?
Cartman
Well he was being a total dick! And he's a big tattle-tale and going around and talking crap about me!
Principal Victoria
[pointedly] Did you infect Kyle with the HIV virus, yes or no?!
Cartman
[grudgingly] Kind of.
Mr. Mackey
Eric, that is not appropriate behavior, m'kay? You cannot purposely infect other kids with your disease!
Principal Victoria
That's right. I think you owe Kyle an apology.
Cartman
[grudgingly] I'm sorry.
Kyle
An apology?!
Principal Victoria
You're sorry for what, Eric?
Cartman
I'm sorry for giving you AIDS, Kyle.
Principal Victoria
That's better. And now Kyle, maybe you should also admit you were wrong for tattling.
Kyle
[can't believe these adults] ...What?!
Mr. Mackey
Kyle, the thing about tattlin' is, eh tattlin's bad. M'kay, because nobody likes a tattle-tale, m'kay?
Kyle
A tattle-tale?! He infected me with AIDS!
Cartman
See? He's tattling again. He hasn't learned a thing you guys. [they are shown the door]
The hallway. Kyle walks forward and leaves the principal's office. The camera tracks him, and Cartman begins to move as well.
Cartman
[keeping pace with Kyle] Well Kyle, I guess we're even now. Shall we just call it a truce? Kyle? Shall we call it Even Stevens now? [stops] Kyle, where are you going?
Kyle
[turns around and returns to Cartman, then says between gritted teeth calmly but angrily] I am going to break everything that you own. [spins around and walks away]
Cartman
What's that supposed to mean? Kyle? [settles on the obvious] Kyle, no! I apologized, Kyle!!
Cartman's house, front. Kyle approaches the front door and opens it. He goes right in and up the stairs. Cartman appears by the driveway a few seconds later
Cartman
Kyle! Kyle, hold on, you asshole! [Kyle enters Cartman's room and begins breaking anything he sees. First, a toy rocket. Then, he grabs a poster of Braveheart from the wall and rips it apart while screaming in rage. Next, he grabs the Wellington Bear Magic Mic and smashes it on the floor. Cartman walks in.] What the fuck are you doing?! [picks up some of his broken toys. Kyle knocks over a box of small toys] Kyle, stop it! [Kyle breaks apart a toy Mountie after 3 tries] God damn it, don't! [Kyle walks over to Cartman's big toy box, grabs Clyde Frog,..] Kyle, no! Not Clyde Frog! Leave Clyde Frog alone! [...and rips its head right off and moves off.] NO!! [Cartman picks up the 2 halves of his plush frog as Kyle moves to the Xbox] AHH! Clyde Frog!! Clyde Frog you ba- no! Not the Xbox, Kyle! [Kyle picks it up and tries to pull it out of the power socket] Not the X-wait! WAIT A SECOND! [stops Kyle before Kyle gets to smash the Xbox on the floor] I'm sorry I gave you HIV, all right?! Just give me a chance, and I can cure you!
Kyle
There is no cure, you asshole!
Cartman
No, no, listen, Kyle! I'm on to something. There really is hope.
Kyle
What hope?!
Cartman
Break my Xbox and you'll never know.
Kyle
You're lying!
Cartman
NO! No-al-, all right Kyle! Magic Johnson, Kyle! The key is Magic Johnson.
Kyle
Magic Johnson?
Cartman
He was a basketball player.
Kyle
So what?!
Cartman
So he got HIV like 50 years ago, and he's still totally fine! Magic Johnson has some kind of resistance to the virus, Kyle. I've been researching it since I got infected. If we can track him down and isolate his genetic prototype, we have a chance of beating this thing, buddy. [grabs Kyle's shoulder] You and me, Kyle. We can overcome our illness; I swear it to you!
Kyle
[looks at the XBOX for a few moments] You better! 'Cause if you don't find a cure for HIV, I will break your Xbox!
Cartman
[stunned] My God...
Denver International Airport. A list of gates are shown. Kyle and Cartman walk in and go to a Delta Airlines clerk
Cartman
We need 2 tickets to Los Angeles as soon as possible.
Clerk
Los Angeles. Okay, uh I have a 2:00 flight. That would beee... $400 each.
Cartman
Ah, sir, you don't understand. We have to see Magic Johnson right away. You see, we have AIDS.
Clerk
...AIDS? Wow, that's really... retro. But ah I'm sorry. I- I just can't give away free seats.
Cartman
Don't you get it?! We are 2 pals afflicted with an illness, and who only have each other in a race against time! Innocent playful children who are stricken with a deadly disease for no reason!
Kyle
Oh please, no reason! I got AIDS from him!
Clerk
Oh, you boys are [sticks his left index finger into a tube he makes with his right hand and moves it in and out of the tube] like that, huh?
Kyle
NO!
Clerk
Are you sure you boys just don't have any cash?
Cartman
We're not just sure, we're HIV-positive.
Clerk
Uh, we sometimes offer free seats to cancer patients, but AIDS I d-. Heh-hey Mitch? Do we have any AIDS patient policies?
Cartman
Forget it, all right?! We'll use another airline! One that cares! [turns around and leaves Kyle standing there]
The interior of an airplane. Cartman and Kyle sit in aisle seats near the front of the cabin. A flight attendant walks up to them
Flight attendant
We're so happy to help accommodate you brave boys. What kind of cancer did you say you have again?
Cartman
Oh uh, you know, all over cancer.
Flight attendant
I'm so sorry.
Cartman
Yeah, well, at least [leans into the aisle and looks back at the other passengers] it's not as bad as having AIDS. AIDS is the worst disease.
Flight attendant
Hm, I don't know. These days I think I'd rather have AIDS than cancer.
Cartman
No you wouldn't! Look, shouldn't you be serving people drinks or something?! Get outta here! [the flight attendant turns and walks away] We're on our way, buddy. [puts his left hand on Kyle's right hand] Magic Johnson, here we come.
Kyle
[coldly] Don't. Touch me.
Cartman
[removes his hand from Kyle's and places his hands together over his stomach] I know. I'm scared too.
Magic Johnson's mansion, day. Behind it is a smoggy horizon.
Magic Johnson's mansion, living room. Magic has his feet propped up on a glass coffee table. He's spinning a basketball on his right index finger as he changes channels with his left hand. An NBA Championship trophy sits on a small table to the left
Butler
Magic. Magic, could you come to the front for a minute? There are a couple of boys here to see you. Two brave little buddies who against all odds have journeyed across America to find the cure for AIDS. All they have are each other in a race against time. [Magic sheds a big tear and sniffs]
Kyle
[moments later] Thank you for seeing us, Mr. Johnson. We were hoping that maybe you have some kind of key that can help us with our disease.
Magic
You boys both have the virus? Are you sure?
Cartman
We're not just sure, we're HIV-positive.
Kyle
[quickly irritated via short temper; exploding] Will you stop it with that!?! [angrily points at Cartman] What part of this is funny to you?!!
Cartman
Kyle, we need to try to find a-
Kyle
What part of being infected with a deadly disease do you find funny?!!
Cartman
[thinks for a few seconds] I don't think it's funny, Kyle.
Kyle
[angrily points at Cartman again] Then stop saying you're not just sure, you're HIV positive!! [Cartman keeps quiet] This isn't funny, AIDS isn't funny, dying isn't funny, [points at Cartman a third time with his eyes closed.] So shut the fuck up!!
Cartman
[clears his throat] Well excuse me, Kyle, for trying to keep some optimism, you know? I mean, sometimes when things... seem their darkest you just need to try and stay... HIV-positive, but if you wanna be so HIV-negative all the time, I-
Kyle
[angrily points at Cartman a fourth time] Knock it off!! Right now!! This isn't funny!! At all!!
Cartman
[waits a second] Are you sure?
Kyle
[quickly] Yes!!!
Cartman
[waits a second] Are you HIV-positive? [Kyle punches him] (groans in pain) Ow, fuck, Kyle!
Magic
Boys, the truth is I don't know why my body is so resistant to the virus. I would love to know so I could help others, but I just don't. [shrugs]
Kyle
Well, I've been thinking: maybe there's something you've come into contact with that hinders HIV from growing. Do you mind if we just look around?
Magic
Well, not at all.
The hallway. Magic and the boys pass various rooms
Magic
The pool is over there [motions to his left], where I try to swim and stay in shape. My kitchen [motions to his right] is full of pretty healthy food. I don't know which thing it is that keeps my T-cell count high, so I... try it all.
Kyle
But everyone tries that. There has to be something you're exposed to that others aren't. Could we see where you sleep?
Magic
Sure.
The bedroom. The double doors swing open and the group enters
Magic
Just a pretty plain old ordinary bedroom. [before them is the four-post bed with curtains, and stacks of dollar bills everywhere else]
Kyle
Dude.
Magic
Oh, oh yeah, I- I don't trust banks. I sleep with all my money.
Kyle
You sleep with money. Every night?
Magic
Yeah, I like to keep it close b- ...You don't think that..?
AIDS Research Center, day. Inside a laboratory there, a scientist analyzes a blood sample through a microscope
Scientist 1
[changes focus] It's incredible. Mitch, these boys could be onto something. Take a look. [Mitch steps in and looks into the microscope] That's a sample of HIV-infected blood. You can clearly see the HIV attacking the white blood cells, right? [the HIV is indeed attacking] All right. Watch what happens when we introduce some cash. [waves a brick of bills around near the microscope]
Mitch
My God. The HIV particles are receding! [the particles scream as they sense the money, and leave the white blood cells alone]
Scientist 1
The cash does seem to retrain the HIV cells from stabilizing.
Scientist 2
Now hold on! All the cash is doing is destabilizing the virus, not destroying it.
Kyle
Well look, if being around lots of cash negatively affects the HIV, then maybe...
Mitch
Then maybe enough cash shot directly into the bloodstream could kill the virus altogether.
Magic
I have enough cash for all three of us! We should give it a try!
Scientist 2
Na-noo, it's ridiculous. We need FDA approval, control studies! I'm sorry, but this is impossible!
Magic
These boys have shown us that a lot of impossible things can happen. [genuflects next to them] Their friendship has conquered every obstacle in their illness-ridden lives.
Scientist 2
[sighs heavily and puts his hands on a lab table] Their incredible friendship has brought a sparkle of hope to our world, that's for sure.
Kyle
[looks away] Wugh.
Scientist 2
I suppose we could try to distill Magic's cash down to its... most highly-concentrated level and... try it on one of them. But it's very risky.
Cartman
Yeah well, if there's a chance of being cured of this illness, then Kyle is willing to take that risk.
moments later, a tank holding a lot of Magic's dollar bills is brought in. A shredder is lowered into the tank and turned on. It shreds the bills to into pulp and then is lifted out. The tank is lifted up over a cylinder and the pulp is poured from the tank to the cylinder, which turns out to be a giant pump. The pump is activated and pushes the pulp into a helical tube. At the end of the tube is a small chamber which distills the pulp into a clear green liquid and acts as a dropper. The liquid drips into a large syringe. Once it fills up, Mitch takes it...
Mitch
Let's hope to Christ this works. [...walks over to Kyle, kneels next to him, and injects him with the liquid. Moments later, a sample of Kyle's blood is taken and analyzed]
Scientist 1
Wait a minute... Yes... Yes, take a look! [he trades places with Scientist 2, who looks into the microscope] The cash particles have completely replaced all the HIV in Kyle's blood! [the newly repaired blood cells look like discs cut out of dollar bills. Scientist 1 turns around and faces the boys.] Boys, you just found the cure for AIDS.
Cartman
All right!
Scientist 1
[throws open the lab doors and walks out] They found the cure for AIDS! [runs down the hall] The cure for AIDS!
Scientist 3
What is it?
Scientist 1
[grabs Scientist 3 by the shoulders] Large doses of concentrated cash! [runs down the hall] Get the media on the phone!
Scientist 4
[female] All right!
SNN News
Anchorman
Scientists have just discovered the cure... for AIDS. [smiles] About a hundred and eighty thousand dollars shot directly into the bloodstream.
Nigeria, Africa, around sunset. A station wagon pulls up and a blond driver jumps out
Driver
Hey! They just found the cure for AIDS! You just have to inject yourself with all your cash! Woohoo!
A Cure For AIDS benefit at the Airport Hilton's Grand Ballroom
M.C.
I am pleased to announce that there is no trace of the HIV virus in either Kyle Broflovski or Eric Cartman. [the room applauds. Most everyone present is from South Park] Together these boys beat their illness. With nothing but each other, and overcoming all odds [Kyle's face gets angry], these two brave friends-
Kyle
Oh stop! We're not friends! He's the one who infected me with AIDS!
M.C.
These two brave lovers found the cure and helped the world. And so, to honor these boys [Cartman grins. Kyle is still angry], here is... Jimmy Buffett!
Cartman
[grin vanishing] What?! Aw, no!
Jimmy Buffett

Cureburger in paradise!
Cureburger. There I said it twice!

Cartman
What?! Aw, God damn it! [puts his arm around Kyle] Well I'll tell you this, Kyle. I'm never gettin' my tonsils out again, hahahaha.
Kyle
I'm still breaking your Xbox. [turns right and walks off]
Cartman
What? No. No. [runs after him] Kyle, no!
End of Tonsil Trouble


  1201: "Tonsil Trouble" edit
Story Elements

Magic JohnsonJimmy BuffettAIDSAirport HiltonCure for AIDS • "AIDSburger in Paradise"

Media

ImagesScriptExtrasWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete Twelfth SeasonSouth Park: The Cult of Cartman