FANDOM



The official script for "Timmy 2000" was released by South Park Studios. It is located here!

Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Wendy Testaburger
  • Principal Victoria
  • Mr. Mackey
  • Clinic Doctor
  • Chef
  • Pharmacist
  • Timmy Burch
  • Richard Burch
  • Helen Burch
  • Lords of the Underworld
    • Skyler
    • Jonesy
    • Mark
  • Mrs. McCormick
  • Sharon Marsh
  • Randy Marsh
  • Sheila Broflovski
  • Gerald Broflovski
  • Liane Cartman
  • M.C.
  • Sisters of Mercy Hold No Pain Against the Dark Lord
  • Charlie Rose
  • Phil Collins
  • Christina Aguilera monsters
  • Kurt Loder, host of MTV News
  • Dr. Shay
  • Announcers for MTV and VH1
  • Terrance and Phillip

Script

Timmy 2000
South Park Elementary, day. Mr. Garrison's classroom. The student stream in and take their seats
Stan
Dude, did you do all your homework last night?
Kyle
Yeah. But there was so much of it. I was up until two in the morning.
Stan
I know!
Mr. Garrison
Okay, children, I hope you all did your homework last night, because we're goin' to talk about pages 42 through 612. First of all, who can tell me what year the Founding Fathers got together? [the class sits silently] Let's see, how about...
Cartman
[praying softly at his desk] Please don't call on me. Please, Jesus, don't let him call on me.
Mr. Garrison
Wendy?
Cartman
Phew!
Wendy
1776.
Mr. Garrison
Good job, Wendy. And what was that document called?
Cartman
[praying] Oh, please, God, don't let him call on me. Father in heaven, I beg of you-
Mr. Garrison
[points to] Kyle?
Cartman
Oh, thank you Low-ord! Praise Jesus!
Kyle
The Declaration of Independence?
Mr. Garrison
Very good, Kyle. Now, who can tell me what famous person wrote the Declaration of Independence? [Cartman drops low in his seat so as to hide behind Butters, seated in front of him] Let's see. Oh, I know. How about the new student, Timmy? [the camera and the class's eyes move to Timmy, who's grinning]
Timmy
Timmiihh!
Mr. Garrison
No, it wasn't you, Timmy. Try again.
Timmy
Heh-aaaaaah!
Mr. Garrison
Timmy, did you not do your homework?!
Timmy
Erh Timmiihh!!
Stan
Uh, Mr. Garrison, haven't you figured it out? Timmys' retarded.
Mr. Garrison
Don't call people names, Stanley!
Stan
But he is-
Mr. Garrison
Now, Timmy,—
Timmy
Haaaaah.
Mr. Garrison
—You need to work on your study skills!
Timmy
Doo-uhh.
Mr. Garrison
Are you mocking me?! Because if you are, I have no problem sending your butt to the principal's office!
Timmy
G'oh livin' a lie, livin' a lie, Timmawh!
Mr. Garrison
THAT DOES IT!
The principal's office. Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey talk to Timmy
Principal Victoria
Well, Timmy. I just don't know what to do with you. You're getting very poor marks in school and the teachers are complaining that you aren't paying attention.
Timmy
Heh-aaaaaah!
Mr. Mackey
Uh young man, if you don't wanna be held back a grade, I suggest you start cooperating, m'kay?!
Timmy
Timmiihh!
Principal Victoria
Well, that does it! I'm suspending you, Timmy, until you can learn to respect your elders! [pulls out a suspension form and starts filling it out]
Timmy
Ehhha-a-a-ah.
Mr. Mackey
Huh- hold on just a second there, Principal Victoria. [she stops writing] I think I may know what the problem is. [walks to Timmy and stands behind him, checking him out ]
Timmy
[softly] Timmiihh.
Mr. Mackey
Yes, of course.
Principal Victoria
What??
Mr. Mackey
[Timmy is grinning, enjoying himself] I think maybe Timmy is suffering from something called, "Attention Deficit Disorder," or ADD. It's very common in kids his age.
Principal Victoria
Oh!
Timmy
[turns right and zooms away] Timmiihh!
Principal Victoria
Well, that certainly would explain it.
Mr. Mackey
It should be easy enough to find out. They have tests for that kind of thing now, m'kay?
Timmy
[zooms across the room in the other direction] Oolih oo livin' a lie, Timmehuh!
A clinic. Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey have taken Timmy there to see a doctor
Clinic Doctor
Alright, this is a very simple test which should determine without a doubt whether or not Timmy has Attention Deficit Disorder.
Principal Victoria
Good.
Mr. Mackey
M'kay.
Timmy
Timmih.
Clinic Doctor
Egh. Now, Timmy, I'm going to read you a book called, "The Great Gatsby," by F. Scott Fitzgerald. At the end of the novel I'll ask you a few questions. Are you ready?
Timmy
Timmih.
Clinic Doctor
[sits] Okay, here we go. [opens the book and clear his throat] "In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since" ["since since since since..." The clock reads 2:01, but the hours begin to roll by: 3:24, 5:55, 9:09...] "so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." [closes the book. Both Mr. Mackey and Principal Victoria are asleep, his head resting on hers.]
Timmy
Ha-a-a-a-a-h.
Clinic Doctor
Okay now, Timmy. Can you tell me: In Chapter 7, what kind of car did Gatsby drive?
Timmy
[fiddles around some, then turns aside] Timmih!
Clinic Doctor
[rises and slams the book on the floor] Well, that settles it!
Mr. Mackey, Principal Victoria
[sit up] Huh??
Clinic Doctor
This young man definitely has Attention Deficit Disorder!
Mr. Mackey
[rubs his eyes] Oh oh, I nuh-I knew it.
Principal Victoria
What can we do for him, doctor?
Clinic Doctor
Well, ADD is fairly common in kids today. I'm gonna prescribe some Ritalin, and we'll see how that goes for little Timmy.
Timmy
[softly] Timmih.
South Park Elementary, next day. Mr. Garrison's classroom
Mr. Garrison
Hurry up, children, let's take our seats. [Timmy rolls up with a note attached to his head] You'd better have done your homework last night, Timmy. [sees the note] What's this? [peels it off and reads it]
Timmy
Tim-mih.
Mr. Garrison
A note from the principal? "Please excuse Timmy from all questions and all homework, as he has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder." [puts the note down] Oh, brother!
Stan
He doesn't have to do homework?
Mr. Garrison
That's just swell, Timmy! Looks like you've outsmarted the principal and the counselor!
Timmy
Timmih.
Mr. Garrison
Very well, I guess you're excused from homework.
Kyle
Hey wait. I think maybe I have Attention Diffunction Disorder.
Cartman
Yeah, me too.
Stan
I've got ADD.
Kenny
(Me too.)
Other classmates
Yeah, I've got it. Me too. Yeah. It's gay.
The clinic, later. The doctor is reading "A Farewell To Arms," by Ernest Hemingway, to the class now
Clinic Doctor
"After a while I went out and left the hospital, and walked back to the hotel in the rain." [sighs and closes the book. Kenny bangs his head against the wall cabinet. Tweek, Kyle, and Bebe sleep where they sit. Cartman is asleep on his back. Token, Stan, Wendy, Clyde, and Kevin are drowsy.] Alright now, in Chapter 12, what kind of bottles did Miss Van Campen talk about? [Kenny bangs head head again] Anybody? [Kenny bangs head head again] Anybody?? My God, these children all have ADD! [scribbles onto his notepad quickly]
All the kids
[sleepily] Hooray.
Cartman
[sleepily] Hoo-ray.
Clinic Doctor
It's Ritalin for all of you! [writes out prescriptions]
A house. Rock music is heard. Next, Skyler and his band are shown practicing. They now have a name: Lords of the Underworld. They play, but don't sing, and thrust their heads down from time to time.
Drummer
Dude, we suck!
Skyler
Hey, that's not the right attitude, Jonesy! The Battle of the Bands is tomorrow night!
Jonesy
Dude, we never win the Battle of the Bands! It's no big deal.
Skyler
[disbelieving] Not a big deal! This year's winner gets to open for Phil Collins at Lalapalooblaza, and that's no big deal?!
Mark
Hey, you guys, you'd better stop fighting.
Skyler
We've just gotta practice more.
Jonesy
Dude, we've been practicing for eight years, Skyler.
Skyler
Hey, am I the leader of this band or not?! Huh, let's do it from the top! [the band starts up again, then pause]
Timmy
[outside] Timmuuhh! [the band riffs] Coodalah Timmuh!
Jonesy
[stops] What was that?
Skyler
Huh-I don't know, man. [picks up the garage door opener and presses the button. The door rises to the sound of an angelic choir and orchestra and reveals the bright light outside. And in that light is Timmy.] Whoaaa!
Mark
Who is that?
Timmy
Timmiihh!
Skyler
You a singer, man?
Timmy
Rrrrr-laurlaurlah Timmehah! [no reaction, but later, the band practices again. Timmy is with them now.] Timmehuh! [the band plays on, then stops] Timmehh.
Jonesy
Dude, that's hot!
Skyler
Yeah!
South Park Pharmacy, day. Ms. McCormick receives her son's prescription.
Pharmacist
There is your prescription, Ms. McCormick. A hundred dollars' worth of Ritalin.
Mrs. McCormick
And he won't have Attention Deficit Disorder anymore?
Pharmacist
We can only hope so. Next? [the camera pulls back to show a line of kids with their moms. Kenny and his mom leave, and Stan arrives with his mom]
Sharon
Oh, hi, Sheila.
Sheila
Sharon, your son has Attention Deficit Disorder too?
Sharon
Yes. I should have known. It all makes sense now. I could never get Stanley to pay attention when his grandfather told him stories about the '30s.
Sheila
I know what you mean. Kyle gets so hyper, sometimes he runs around and screams like a little eight-year-old.
Kyle
...I am eight.
Pharmacist
Next, please? [Liane hands him the prescription] What do we have here- ah! The Ritalin!
Liane
Yes.
Cartman
That's right. I got a bad case of ADD. No homework for me.
Liane
Mr. Pharmacist, this Ritalin doesn't have any side effects, does it?
Pharmacist
Oh, no no, your son may experience a small lack of energy, but that's all.
Liane
Alright.
Pharmacist
Oh, and he might start seeing little pink Christina Aguilera monsters, but that's to be expected.
Liane
Oh my.
South Park Battle Of The Bands. A four-member band is onstage. One member is on keyboards, a second is on drums, a third on guitar, and the fourth has the mic. The first and third have flaming hairdos
Band
Look alive, lettin' it feel (so light). Lettin' it feel so light.
People in Audience
Boooo!
Guy in flat top
You suck! [others laugh. The band clears out as the M.C. approaches the mic]
M.C.
Alright, that was "Sisters of Mercy Hold No Pain Against the Dark Lord," with their song, "Silk Blood On The Footsteps Of My Mind (Revisited)"
Singer
We got the best response. We'll be opening for Phil Collins for sure.
M.C.
And now it's time for our final band.
Guy in Audience
Thank God! [others laugh]
M.C.
Give it up for "Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld!" [the curtains part amid a smattering of applause to reveal the Lords of the Underworld and Timmy rolls up to the mic. The audience is stunned]
Skyler
1 2 3 4 [the Lords launch into their song]
Timmy
Timmih! [a riff] Timmih! Lehmeheuh! [confused looks on people's faces] Timmih!
Man 1
Duhude, that handicapped dude ruhules!
Man 2
Oo-yee-hee-yeh-hah!
Man 3
You guys are terrible! How could you laugh at that poor kid?!
Timmy

Timmih Timmiihh! Timmehuh Timmih Timmiihh!

!The Lords

Lords of the Underworld.

Timmy

Timmih, Timmiih!

The Lords

Darkness fills my heart with pain.

Timmy

Timmih oo livin' a lie! [the four boys arrive]

Stan
Dude, it's Timmy.
Kyle
No way! [Timmy says something incomprehensible]
Man 3
They're ridiculing that singer! ["habah kulaa!"]Come on, let's get outta here! [leaves with three others]
Timmy

Sibilah Sibinlaahh! [keeps babbling]

The Lords

The Lords of the Underworld.

Timmy

Timmih, Timmih Timmitimmi Timmiih!

The Lords

Darkness fills my heart with pain. [the song ends. Someone is carried across the field by the crowd]

Timmy

Timmehahh! Timmeh Timmeh Sibinlah Timmih Sibinlah Timmih. Timmuh Timmuh Timmuh. [one last power chord] Timmeh!

Cartman
That was awesuhome!
Stan
Yeah, Timmy ruhules!
Woman
Boys! You shouldn't laugh at him! He's handicapped!
Stan
But he's funny.
Woman
How would you like to be handicapped?! Do you think that would be funny?! You're making him feel bad!
Timmy
[basking in the applause] Hehaahh!
Kyle
He looks pretty happy to me.
Woman
Oh, you people make me sick! [walks away]
M.C.
Dude, this is a no-brainer. This year's Battle of the Bands winner and the band that gets to open for Phil Collins at Lalapalablala is... TIMMY!
Crowd
[roars in approval] Wooo!
Jonesy
[flexes his arms] We did it, dude!
Skyler
[moves forward] Listen to them. They really love me. [bows] Wooo!!
Crowd
[responds] Wooo!!
Skyler
Yes! I'm a rocker! [he and Jonesy throw their arms up in victory]
PSB presents Charlie Rose
Charlie Rose
Tonight, we analyze the new rock sensation, Timmeo [a clip of it at the Battle of the Bands], the controversial new band that has taken the country by storm. [the crowd cheers and holds up "TIMMY" signs. A woman lifts up her blouse to reveal her bra] Already playing at several large venues this month [the band is shown coming off a plane. Cameras flash at Timmy with the Lords of the Underworld behind him], the band prepares for its biggest gig, Lolapalooblaza, where they will open for Phil Collins. But Phil Collins is not happy.
Phil Collins
[in the middle of a street holding his Oscar] Well, I thinks it's a horrible tragedy, idn't it? I mean, people aren't gonna see Timmy for his musical skills. They're laughin' at 'im, and I think you shouldn't laugh at people with disabilities!
Man
[appears in the background and points at Phil] Hah haha.
Phil Collins
Society has to learn how to be more compassionate! This is gonna stop if I have to stop it myself!
Bus stop, next day. Stan and Kyle await the bus
Kyle
Dude, did you see that stuff Phil Collins was saying about Timmy?
Stan
Yeah, what a dick. Timmy's five times more talented than he is.
Cartman
[arrives with Kenny and speaks mellowly] Hey guys, have you been takin' your Ritalin?
Stan
Huh? No, we're not actually gonna take that stuff.
Cartman
No, dude, you gotta try it. [hands a bottle to Kyle] It makes you feel good.
Kenny
[also mellow] (Good.) [Kyle takes a couple of pills, then tosses the bottle to Stan]
South Park Elementary, day, kitchen
Chef
Hello there, children.
Stan, Kyle, Cartman
Hello, Chef.
Kenny
(Hello, Chef.)
Chef
How's it goin'?
Stan, Kyle, Cartman
Very well, thank you.
Kenny
(Very well, thank you.)
Chef
[incredulous] Everything's fine?? Why??
Stan
Because we're on Ritalin.
Chef
What??
Kyle
We all have Attention Deficit Disorder. So we all started taking Ritalin.
Cartman
It really takes the edge off, man. You should try it. [shakes two pills out of his bottle and swallows them]
Chef
So that's why all you children are acting so damned boring!
Kyle
That's correct, Chef.
Chef
Damnit, children, you don't need drugs to make you pay attention in school! In my day, if we didn't pay attention we got a belt to the bottom! Now they're tryin' to cure everything with drugs!
Kyle
Yes, but now we don't have any homework, so we can go see Timmy play downtown at Mile High Stadium
Stan
Oh boy oh boy.
Kenny
(Oh boy.)
Chef
Oh, it makes me sick! Those damned psychologists prescribe all kinds of medicines to you children without even carin' about the side effects.
Stan
But there are no side effects, Chef.
Kyle
No, not at all. [Cartman looks away and a Christina Aguilera monster appears]
Christina Aguilera monster
Rown! [Cartman rubs his eyes, and she's gone]
Cartman
Did you guys see that?
Stan
See what?
MTV News. A satellite revolves around the logo
Announcer
You're watching MTV, the cool, brainwashing, twelve-year-old-and-younger station that hides behind a slick image. We're so cool that we decide what's cool. And now, MTV News, the news that is singlehandedly dumbing down our country. Which is cool. Here's your host, Kurt Loder.
Kurt Loder
[framed by seven monitors showing the following: the MTV logo, The Cure's Robert Smith, a rotating Earth, Ozzy Osbourne, KoRn, Elton John, and Rick James] Why am I still doing this? I've got to be the oldest person in this network by at least 40 years.
Announcer
[the logo takes up the whole screen] Kurt Loder didn't just say that. No way, he did just say it, but just to be cool. That's what makes him cool. You think Kurt Loder is cool. And now, the news that's cool.
Kurt Loder
Well, it's only two weeks until Lalapalalababa, and the headlining band has changed. Now headlining the event is Timmy [a shot of him], the new hit sensation out of Colorado. This news came as a shock to the performer that was going to headline Lalapalabala, Phil Collins.
Phil Collins
[now in South Park with his Oscar] Well, I think the sad question is, "Where are the parents in all this?" I mean, that kid's parents are lettin' him be exploited, and they don't even seem to care.
Kurt Loder
[A limo with police escort pulls up to a house] And so, Phil Collins decided to travel to South Park and personally pay Timmy's parents a visit. [Phil gets out of the limo and goes to the front door]
Phil Collins
[in the living room] Well, I mean, why are you lettin' 'em do this to your son? Don't you see that everyone's just laughin' at him?
Richard
Richarrrrd!
Helen
Helennnn!
Richard
'Oodleahah.
Kurt Loder
Phil Collins warns that a novelty band that makes fun of the handicapped should not be allowed to play Lalapalablalala, and vows to do everything in his power to stop it. Phil Collins, by the way, divorced his wife via fax and then married a 27-year-old. I'm Kurt Loder, and that's the news.
South Park Elementary, day, Mr. Garrison's class. The school bell rings
Mr. Garrison
Okay, children, let's settle down! [the class is seated and attentive] Huhh I mean it; I want quiet! [the class is already quiet] My God, Mr. Hat, these children are so boring on Ritalin. [Clyde rubs his nose] Huh, ah! Alright, children, today we're gonna learn about human reproduction. What do you think about that?! [draws the words out slowly, but the class remains silent] Vaginas, and penises. Butt sex. [no one moves] Well, dammit, Eric, don't you have some smartass thing to say?!
Cartman
[Clyde is a bit shocked] What kind of smartass thing would I say, Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison
[grabs his head a few times] This is driving me crazy!! I can't handle you little bastards being so mellow!!
Kyle
Gee, you seem a little stressed, Mr. Garrison. Why don't you try some Ritalin? [has the bottle out. Mr. Garrison thinks a bit, then goes for the bottle, opens it up, and chugs some pills down]
Cartman
There you go. [smiles, then frowns]
Christina Aguilera monster
[comes out from behind Mr. Garrison's desk] Rowr.
Cartman
Whah!
Mile High Stadium: "Tonight Only. TIMMY!!! Sold Out."
A singer
Thank you, Baltimore! Good night!
Jonesy
[exits the dressing room with the other band members] Alright, let's rock this house! Hello Miami!
Timmy
Timmiihh! [Skyler trails the others, and Phil Collins appears in a hallway intersection next to the dressing room]
Phil Collins
Excuse me, Skyler Morse?
Skyler
[stops and turns] Yeah?
Phil Collins
Nice to meet you. I'm Phil Collins.
Skyler
Oh, yeah. You're opening for us as Lalapalazabla.
Phil Collins
I just wanted to tell you that, well, I think that you're a great guitar player and song writer.
Skyler
Oh, thanks a lot. I appreciate that. Gotta run. [turns and starts walking away]
Phil Collins
It's too bad those other guys are holdin' you back.
Skyler
[stops and looks back] Huh?
Phil Collins
Well, I mean, it's obvious all the talent and artistic vision in the band comes from you. Strange, how everyone focuses n Timmy, idn't it? I mean, even the name of the band is "Timmy,"
Skyler
Nuh-nn, the name of the band is Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld.
Phil Collins
Look, I used to be in a band, too. Genesis. And all those bastards did was hold me back and hold me back. But then, finally, I went solo. And that's when I started writing really great songs. But look, if you happen to be on the sidelines, you know, bein' more of a cheerleader than a player, well, then I guess you should stay on as Timmy's shadow.
Skyler
[dejected, walks away and looks back] Uh, thanks man. See ya.
Phil Collins
That should just about put an end to all this Timmy nonsense. [kisses his Oscar]
Mile High Stadium, later.
Timmy
Timmuh! [the Lords of the Underworld have finished their song]
Jonesy
[leads the others into the dressing room] Another great show, man. There must have been a hundred thousand people out there.
Skyler
[tosses his guitar aside] Yeah. All of them chanting "Timmy, Timmy."
Timmy
[rolls in] Timmih!
Jonesy
What's the matter, Skyler?
Skyler
The name of the band is Timmy AND the Lords of the Underworld, not just Timmy.
Timmy
Timmiihh!
Skyler
And the Lords of the Underworld!
Timmy
Timmiihh!
Skyler
It's always about you, isn't it?! I'm sick of it! Timmy gets all the applause! Timmy gets all the chicks! Well, you know what?! Forget you, man!
Mark
Skyler, Timmy is what made our band famous.
Skyler
[spins around and points] Shut up, Monsy! You can stay and deal with Mr. Egomaniac here, but I'm movin' on! [heads for the door] I don't need Timmy! [grabs Monsy's guitar on the sofa] I'm goin' solo!
Timmy
Timmiihh!
Skyler
[at the door] No! Don't try and stop me, man! [turns to exit] I'll see you on fame's backside. [leaves]
Timmy
Ooo livin' a lie!
Cartman's house, next day. The boys are on the sofa watching Terrance and Phillip. Stan has his Ritalin, Cartman has the remote... and a pan on his laps. He's eating bacon
Phillip
Terrance, what brand of pants am I wearing?
Terrance
[bends to look] Let me see. [Phillip farts on him and they crack up]
Phillip
How do you like that, Terrance?
Stan
Let's watch something else.
Kyle
Yes, let's. [Cartman starts channel-surfing, then stops]
Announcer
You're watching VH1.
The Boys
Ahhhh.
Anchor
Here's Lalapalalala's news. The hit group Timmy has broken up.
Stan
Oh dear. Timmy's band broke up?
Anchor
And so, Phil Collins is back on as the headliner. The opening band now will be Timmy's guitarist Skyler's new solo project, Reach for the Skyler.
Kyle
You know something? I think that's good. It was wrong to make Timmy a singer.
Stan
Yeah. Phil Collins was right. People laughed at Timmy, and Timmy should be at home, where he's protected from laughter.
Cartman
I agree. You know what, you guys? We should go to the concert anyways and see Phil Collins.
Kyle
Yeah. I think Phil Collins rocks the house.
Stan
Sounds good.
Cartman
So it's decided: Phil Collins concert for all of us. [a Christina Aguilera bug is crawling all over Kenny] Hooray. [looks] Oh oh. Hold still, Kenny. [takes his pan and swings it at Kenny. It strikes, and Kenny's face is smashed in. Kenny falls forward, hits the floor, and a puddle of blood forms under him]
Stan
Oh my goodness, you killed Kenny.
Kyle
Bastard.
The Marsh house. Several parents are gathered in the living room. Chef speaks
Chef
Parents, I called you all together because I think you might be making a mistake puttin' your children on Ritalin. [Along with Stan's parents, Kyle's parents, Tweek's parents, Liane Cartman, Craig's parents, and another set of parents are present]
Randy
Uh, but our kids have Attention Deficit Disorder, Chef. They can't pay attention in school without it.
Chef
I know you wanna help your kids, but I brought over a videotape to show you that there are alternative' to Ritalin. There's this doctor in Northern California who is doin' real amazing things with kids who have ADD. I want you to watch this tape. [puts in the tape. The VCR does the rest]
Dr. Shay
Hello, I'm Dr. Richard Shay, here to tell you about my exciting new drug-free treatment for children with Attention Deficit Disorder. [three kids are in a classroom setting, acting up. Dr. Shay enters] This treatment is fast and effective and doesn't use harmful drugs. Watch closely as I apply treatment to the first child.
Girl
[Dr. Shay walks up to her and listens as she rattles off] I want a horse. I want a big brown horse with a brown-and-black tail, and a diamond tiara- [he smacks her behind the ear] Ah!
Dr. Shay
Sit down and study! [she looks at him scared, then picks up a book and opens it, looking at him all the while. He moves on to the boy in the middle desk]
Boy 1
Woohoo, let's go sledding, let's go race and race, let's go! [Dr. Shay smacks him too, making him turn aside. He turns back]
Dr. Shay
Sit down and study!
Boy 1
[looks at him, then starts crying] Wwaaahahahahaaha [Dr. Shay smacks him again. The other boy stops and looks]
Dr. Shay
Stop crying and do your schoolwork! [the boy opens his book. He and the girl start reading. The Dr. moves over to the other boy, and he just cracks open his book and reads. The doctor address the camera] If you would like more information on my bold new treatments, please send away for this free brochure, entitled, "You can either calm down, or I can pop you in the mouth again." Thank you. [Chef turns the tape off]
Chef
Well, what do you think? I can have Dr. Shay come to South Park for a small fee.
Sharon
That video had pretty colors.
Gerald
It sure did.
Chef
What the...? Dammit! Have you all been taking your children's Ritalin too?!
Parents
Yes.
Chef
Awww, fudge it! [throws the remote aside. The boys enter]
Stan
Chef, are you going to the Phil Collins concert tomorrow?
Chef
The what?
Kyle
Phil Collins is playing Lalapalala's, and because we're all doing so well in school now, our parents said they would take us.
Parents
Yes.
Chef
Hold on a second: you children want to go see Phil Collins?
Kyle
Yes. His flowing melodies are really enjoyable to us.
Chef
Oh my God!!
Kyle
Come, see him with us.
Cartman
Yes, come with us. Come with uusss. Haaa, it's Christina Aguilera again! [runs around] She's on my back! Hah! [leaves]
Chef
That does it! That Ritalin has affected your little cracker brains too deeply! I'm going to go see that damn pharmacist!
South Park Pharmacy, after hours. The pharmacist and the clinic doctor are talking, and the doctor counts some money
Pharmacist
Look at that. Ritalin stocks are up ten points.
Clinic Doctor
That's easily another twenty grand apiece! [the pharmacist laughs and Chef arrives]
Chef
[pounds on the door] Hey, open this damn door. [the doctor and pharmacist cover the money and go to the front door.]
Pharmacist
Can I help you?
Chef
Yes you can! What the hell are you two doin' prescribing all the children Ritalin?!
Clinic Doctor
Well, they've all been diagnosed with ADD. That's Attention Deficit-
Chef
I know what it is! But now you've got a town full of zombie children from the planet Zandor.
Clinic Doctor
Huh?
Chef
All around the country, you bastard doctors are giving children Ritalin! And for every one child that actually needs it, you give it to 50,000 that don't!
Clinic Doctor
Hey now, don't tell us our business, Mr. Chef. Why, we-
Chef
You're damn right I'll tell you yo' business, because you two have got your heads up your asses! Thanks to you, we have children in our town that like Phil Collins!
Pharmacist
Eh wuh, what?? [he and the doctor are shocked]
Chef
That's right! You've made them so dull and boring that they're actually going to go to a Phil Collins concert!
Clinic Doctor
Mm- my God. What have we done?? [beings to weep]
Pharmacist
Well, if I had known... Phil Collins, uh, my God! [beings to weep as well]
Chef
Well, how do we reverse the Ritalin?!
Clinic Doctor
We uh... have to convince them not to take it, but, ahah ih it'll be hard to get it away from them.
Chef
Then we need an antidote!
Pharmacist
Yes, of course.
Clinic Doctor
Uh, what's the antidote for Ritalin?
Pharmacist
I have some right here. [takes a bottle from a medicine case] It's a compound called "Ritalout."
Chef
Alright. Come on, we've got to get the antidote to all the children. Quick! [rushes out]
Welcome to

LALAPALALAPAZA!!

Townsfolk file in. Music is piped in before the concert

Phil Collins

[the crowds clap to the rhythm]
Last night I went, "O!"
Bubudio
Last night I went "Bubudio"

Chef
[leads the doctor and pharmacist to a lemonade stand.] Here. We can put the Ritalin antidote in these drinks and hand them out to the children. ["Last night I went 'Bubudio.'" The pharmacist starts placing the Ritalout tablets in the drinks]
Phil Collins

Last night I went, "O!" Bububudio. [takes a bow. People clap a bit]

Randy
Wasn't that great, son?
Stan
Sure was, Dad.
Gerald
It's so wonderful to be on the same wavelength as our kids.
Chef
[arrives with a tray of lemonade] Here you go, Stan and Kyle. Free drinks on me. [Kyle reaches for his drink and takes a sip]
Stan
Oh, thank you, Chef. How nice. [takes a glass. He and Kyle drink at the same time as Chef leaves]
Phil Collins
I know. I'd like to sing the complex and amazing song that won me the Oscar, a song entitled,

"You'll Be In... Me." [goes to the piano, sets the Oscar on the piano top and starts playing it] Thanks. You're inside of me. Deep inside of me. [Chef hands drinks to more kids] So deep inside, I can feel you pushing against my heart.

Chef
Come on, drink it down. It's free.
Cartman

You'll be inside of me...

Christina Aguilera monster
[appears on his shoulder] Rowr.
Cartman
Huh? Oh no! Agh! [tries to shake it off as it nibbles on his shoulder] Get off me! Get off me! Somebody help!! Please?? Somebody get it off of me!! Get it off of me.
Stan
I feel... different.
Kyle
Yeah. [the monster munches loudly on Cartman]
Cartman
Get off of me, Christina Aguilera! Alright?! Please! Hegh, hegh[the monster still munches on him as he rolls on the ground]
Chef
[arrives] Drink this, Eric. [pours the lemonade Ritalout into Cartman's mouth, and the Christina Aguilera monster dissolves] God help me! Heh, get it... [turns over on his stomach] She's gone! Thank God!
Phil Collins
[looks at the audience] Well, thanks! [continues playing. The camera focuses on Stan and Kyle...]
Stan
Wait a minute! Phil Collins sucks ass!
Kyle
Yeah! What the hell were we thinking?! Boooooo!
Chef
[returns to the doctor and pharmacist] I think it's working.
Audience
Booooo!!
Phil Collins
[stops the music] Shut your filthy holes, you little bastards!
Stan
Get off the stage, Phil Collins! We want Timmy!
Kyle
Yeah!
Phil Collins
You just wanna laugh at him.
Stan
No! [steps forward] You see, we learned something today. Yeah, sure, we laughed at Timmy, but what's wrong with laughter? Just because we laugh at something doesn't mean we don't care about it. Timmy made us smile, and playing made Timmy smile, so where was the harm in that? The people that are wrong are the ones that think people like Timmy should be "protected" and kept out of the public's eye. The cool thing about Timmy being in a band was that he was in your face, and you had to deal with him, whether you laughed or cried, or felt nothing. That's why Timmy rules!
Kyle
Yeah! Tim-my! Tim-my!
Audience
Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!
A desert near town. Mark and Timmy stand outside, Jonesy sits on the running board
Jonesy
Man, it sucks not being part of Lalapalabala. [The cry begins to reach them: "Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Mark
Yeah. ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Skyler
[returns to the band] Hey dudes. ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Jonesy
Skyler, what are you doing here?! ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"] Isn't Reach for the Skyler supposed to play soon? ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Skyler
They booed Phil Collins off the stage. Everyone's chanting for Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld. ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Mark
["Tim-my!"] Oh, so now that they want us, you think you can waltz, um, back into our lives and be in the band again? ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Skyler
I don't expect anything. Timmy, I-gh... Well, I just wanted to say we had some pretty rockin' times, dude, and... maybe I let fame and Phil Collins go to my head... ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Timmy
Timmih! ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Jonesy
[stands] Wow. They really are chanting for us. ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Mark
Hn they want us back. ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Skyler
What do you say, Timmy? ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Timmy
Rrr, rrr, uh, Timmih. ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
The Lords
Alright!
The Lalapalalapaza concert.
Host
Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, it is my pleasure to introduce the reunion tour of Timmehuh!
Timmy

[rolls up to the mic] Timmiihh, and the Lords of the Underworld! [Skyler looks over at Timmy with pride, then starts the band up] Timmiihh! [he's learned to move like the other band members do] Timmih! Livin' a lie-ah! [Stan and Kyle grin. Kyle then waves. Chef, the pharmacist and the doctor sway to the music] Hidilah Timmy! [his parents, Richard and Helen, are there] Timmuh- Timmiihh! Timmehuh Timmih Timmiihh!

The Lords

And the Lords of the Underworld.

Phil Collins
[being moved over the audience] Put me down, you filthy bastards! [he's turned face down, and his Oscar is sticking out of his ass] Awwww!
Timmy

Timmiihh uluh-livin' a lie!

End credits roll, and Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld play on.
End of Timmy 2000


  404: "Timmy 2000" edit
Story Elements

TimmySkylerPhil CollinsRitaloutRitalinThe Lords of the Underworld • "Spilled Blood on the Footsteps of My Mind (Revisited)" • "Bu Bu Budio" • "Timmy and the Lord of the Underworld"

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete Fourth Season

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.