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  • Hello! I apologize for the late reply, as your messages towards me are always very interesting and make me think. I am glad to see that we are so like-minded and that you can relate so well towards me. I also enjoy attracting people with whom I can have meaningful connections too and highly value sincerity and openness in others, although I will admit that I did have a habit of pursuing one-sided friendships where I was giving more than I was receiving due to having gravitated towards the wrong people. I do believe having common ground is one of the most important parts of a connection with someone and that I could have struggled to make friends in part due to my shyness combined with my trying to force myself into social groups I didn’t quite fit into or belong in.

    It is interesting that you described that you work behind the screens as an animator or creative professional. You career sounds very fun and it really does remind me of the job I mentioned Cason had in my fanfic :) I always wanted to create a web comic of my own eventually based on the many characters that I have created based on some of my life experiences, although I wouldn’t mind writing a novel or series of short stories based off of them either. I realize becoming a writer or published author is very difficult however, which is why I haven’t pursued it as a full-time job, but rather a passion I enjoy on the side. Still, I am glad you followed your heart and are doing a job that makes you happy, which is likely why you seem to know so much about how South Park works behind the scenes.

    I invest a lot of myself in every character I write and feel most of them reflect at least some part of who I am. Mia for instance was definitely me in a lot of ways, although I have become somewhat less guarded and shy over time. I would say she was very similar, if not identical to me, while I was growing up however. If anything, the best friend I wrote for Mia named Hannah Bergman is a more accurate reflection of the person I currently am- intelligent, openminded, and slightly playful, yet awkward and somewhat socially oblivious with a sweet demeanor and naturally quirky flair. While Hannah feels conflicted between standing out and blending in among others, she is a humble, honest unassuming person who is fiercely loyal to the few friends who do understand her and has a childlike energy and curiosity in seeing things. I feel this is me in a lot of ways too.

    Like you, I also enjoy music of any genre as well, although I do tend to gravitate towards songs that have meaning behind them. Sometimes I will listen to an upbeat tune if the lyrics energize or inspire me, but I am not afraid of a slower song either. As I said in a different thread before, I am not a fan of most rap or hip-hop music, as I don’t like the content of some of the lyrics. I will give credit to metal music though and say some of the meaning behind it is deep and profound and speaks the truth about the world in a lot of ways.

    I didn’t mean to say all of Western culture was bad necessarily. I do appreciate the liberalism of it and do identify with it a lot more than the conservativeness of Eastern culture, as you said, but simply wish American society wasn’t so competitive and materialistic at times. I think it depends on the region of the US you live in or visit in terms of how friendly people will be to you. Texans for instance are known for being very warm and open towards visitors and are much more engaging that someone for New York or Boston, who tend to be colder and more direct. Racism also depends on where you go as well, as it is not obvious or apparent everywhere you go. I myself have never directly experienced discrimination for being mixed race or Latina while in Texas, although I am sure there are some parts of the Deep South or Midwest where some prejudices might show more. I am only assuming this based upon recent events that have happened in the news, although that information itself may be biased.

    I think above all, I fit in best in a place that allows me to be flexible and express myself creatively. I would also prefer to be surrounded by likeminded people too who understand me. I appreciate your kind words in the most recent South Park thread I posted on too regarding my opinion on Scott Malkinson as a best friend. I think you are a very kind and considerate person too based upon what I have heard from you and the way you express yourself when we talk :) I hope to hear more from you again soon!

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    • It's so cool how we find people like minded to us online even if we struggle with that in real life. I'm glad to be friends with you, I feel like you're someone who needs a friend as you find it hard to fit in and relate to people. Common ground is really important. When I was young I also tried to join social groups that weren't right for me, I feel you man. Even now, I can get quite socially awkward at metal concerts. Even though we like the same music a lot of people are different and I don't fit in so well, I'm a bit of a loner, with some acquaintances I talk to a bit more.

      I like music a lot too. I feel that metal music is quite often honest in depicting our fucked up world, without trying to gloss over and beautify things the way I feel pop music sometimes does. It is cathartic and relatable. I like feeling a bit rebellious as I was brought up as a "good girl" which also made me feel uncool and unpopular as a kid.

      I think a lot of creative work is at the computer. You need the software to do all your stuff lol.

      Would be interesting if you could write a fanfiction and post it somewhere and I can have a look at it. It's interesting how the characters reflect who you are at different stages. I have a childlike energy too.

      Indeed the States vary so much in different places. It's good that you haven't really faced racism. It sucks to know people are so materialistic though. Anyway, hope to chat with you more on Facebook.

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    • I’m really glad that you decided to be my friend. I usually connect well with people with cultural backgrounds that are different from my own l, as I have mentioned before, and it’s nice to meet someone from the different side of the world and still connect with them in a way. I admit that I was also kind of a loner back then by default rather than by choice, since my shyness kind of isolated me from my peers and made me easily misunderstood. I was referred to as all sorts of hurtful names, even “autistic” at one point by someone who didn’t understand the crippling effects of social anxiety. I have never been diagnosed as having Asperger’s or any form of autism however, nor have I had any symptoms of it beyond the social awkwardness, and always did very well academically, even being enrolled in advanced English courses when I was younger.

      I will say that I am a huge procrastinator however and am easily distractible, which is certainly not a good thing. I was very OCD about my grades throughout elementary and middle school, as well as part of high school, yet by college, became a little laidback when it came to my study habits, which again, is not good. I still graduated though and am doing my master’s this fall, so I am guessing I am okay.

      I found what you said in a different thread regarding your prefering edgy people over innocent ones like Scott and Butters interesting. I am guessing that music is a form of self-expression for you that allows you the freedom to feel and experience the emotions that might be restricted in a more conservative society, right? You seem like someone who is very colorful and prefers a liberal lifestyle that allows you to be more open and expressive. I can tell by the fact that you mention your creativity and love of being artistic so much, which are things I like in a person. I feel as though I am usually just attracted to people who are kindred spirits, in the sense of having similar qualities to my own due to it making it easier for me to connect with them. I value kindness in the people I meet most certainly, but also love idealistic people with a playful and childlike energy for friends too. I know this kind of contradicts some of what I said about my character Cason, though.

      I was never very popular back then either and was kind of an art nerd, like I said before, who turned to her own imagination and different creative outlets as a means of escapism and self-expression. In fact, I’ve had more intense crushes even on fictional characters (that I usually age up, by the way) than real people in recent years due to my desire to craft the “perfect partner” for me in my head in a way. It’s much harder to gradually get to know someone in person, since a lot of the people I meet at my university are often very closed off and guarded, so imagining these characters and writing fan fictions allows me to somehow feel the form of human connection that I am lacking. I suppose that sounds weird, though.

      A fun fact you might also want to know is that psychologically speaking, those who listen to metal music are said to be deeper and more intuitive, seeing as heavy metal is seen as being more complex than other genres of music. They are said to be more intelligent too due to their ability to grasp the abstract messages of the songs they listen to.

      It is always nice to talk to you. I’m sorry for not replying to you sooner. I usually take my time in messaging people back as I think through what I want to say. I hope to hear more from you soon!

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    • Hey I wanted to reply to you about this on Facebook messenger but your profile seems to be unavailable. Is everything alright? I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable in any way.

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    • Hi. I’m sorry for not messaging you sooner. The reason my Facebook is not up is because I decided not to use it any more for now, due to it being too distracting for me and consuming a lot of my time. I do enjoy talking to you and was looking forward to what you were going to reply.

      I’m actually sorry myself if I ever made you feel uncomfortable with the overly emotional content of my posts and messages towards you, as I know it was a lot of baggage to put on you. I suppose I am a very sensitive person and that you are right to an extent in that I do seem to take some things very personally and anticipate the worst at times due to my past. I have an intense fear of rejection and always assume I will unintentionally bother people by being myself or sharing parts of who I am. I know it’s not right and I do want to change this aspect of myself. I am currently working on that however and am trying to improve.

      I felt the reason I opened up so quickly to you was because I tend to trust and open up to people rather easily, which in turn can make me feel kind of vulnerable and exposed. I also worry about coming on too strong to others since I want to offer so much love to people, yet don’t realize that everybody works in a different way and people have their boundaries. I think most of that just comes from my being lonely for so many years and feeling happy whenever I feel so much of a connection with someone.

      I also apologize about the comment regarding feeling jealous of Sophie Gray. I know that she is fictional, but that you like her very much as a character, so I respect that. I also know I shouldn’t compare myself or envy people who are not even real. I feel Sophie just reminds me of the type of girls I always wished I could be and tried to emulate, but could never be. I hope I didn’t weird you out by obsessing over Scott Malkinson too much as well. I understand that neither he or Sophie exist and feel like I just project a lot of who I am onto certain characters that I like, which can make me become emotionally attached to them. Scott is Scott though and I am me, so I can’t compare myself to him either.

      Like I said though, I do enjoy talking to you and am not angry or mad at you. Ironically, I was the one who felt as though I had made you uncomfortable in some way, and I am sorry if that was the case. I hope we can continue talking and messaging each other in some way and that you do respond to this. Sorry, once again.

      I hope you are not mad at me and that you still want to be my friend.

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    • Don't worry about it, I'm not mad at all and I'm not weirded out 😊 It's only normal to feel certain ways about characters. It's great you took the step to stop using Facebook for your welfare. Will get back to you again with more of my thoughts and opinions when I can sit down and think through after work hours. Just wanna let you know I'm good 😊

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