South Park Archives

The Valley of Penises is a "romance" novel written by Herbert Garrison that appeared in "Cherokee Hair Tampons". During his temporary hiatus from teaching, Mr. Garrison decided to pursue his love of writing and reconcile it with his love of "poontang". Garrison was credited as Ethan P. Garrison on the book cover, a possible pen-name.

The book is regarded to be the best homo-erotic novel since Huckleberry Finn. Despite initial resistance on the part of the publisher, the book would go on to become a best-seller. Mr. Garrison later gave a copy to Kyle as a get well soon gift.

The content of the book itself is incredibly raunchy, and is known to contain 6,083 instances of the word "penis".


Excerpts from the book follow. The following sections contain content that is potentially disturbing. Discretion is strongly advised.