December 2012 Featured Article Winner

"The Lonely Jew on Christmas" was sung by Kyle Broflovski in the Season One episode, "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo".


Kyle feels left out on Christmas because his family celebrates Hanukkah and his friends inform him that Jews cannot eat Christmas snow. Additionally, no one believes him about Mr. Hankey's existence.



It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas
My friends won't let me join in any games
And I can't sing Christmas songs or decorate a Christmas tree
Or leave water out for Rudolph 'cause there is something wrong with me
My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity!

I'm a Jew
A lonely Jew
On Christmas.

Hanukkah is nice, but why is it
That Santa passes over my house every year?
And instead of eating ham, I have to eat kosher latkes
Instead of Silent Night, I'm singing 'Huhash Dogavish'
And what the fuck is up with lighting all these fucking candles? Tell me, please!

I'm a Jew
A lonely Jew
I can't be merry
Cause I'm Hebrew
On Christmas.

Deeper voice:
Hey, little boy, I couldn't help but hear
You're feeling left out of Christmas cheer
But I've come to see that you shouldn't be sad
This is the one month that you should be glad.

Cause it's nice to be a Jew on Christmas
You don't have to deal with the season at all
Don't have to be on your best behavior or give to charity
You don't have to go to grandma's house with your alcoholic family.

And I don't have to sit on some fake Santa's lap and have him breathe his stinky breath on me!

Deeper voice:
That's right. You're a Jew...

A stylin' Jew...

It's a good time... to be Hebrew
On Christmas!

Deeper voice:
On Christmas.

Songs from Season One
Ave Satani | Bar-bura, Bar-bura | Canon in D | Christmas Lovin' | Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel | Gonna Fly | Happy, Happy, Happy | Hot Lava | I Love to Singa | I Remember When We Fell in Love | I'm Gonna Be On Television | I'm Gonna Make Love to You, Woman | If My Friends Could See Me Now | It's Okay to Be Gay | It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year | Kumbaya | Kyle's Mom's a Bitch | Love Gravy | Loving the Football | Lovin' You | Make Love, Even When I'm Dead | Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo | No Substitute | Now You're a Man | Oh Kathie Lee | Pig and Elephant DNA Just Won't Splice | Rabartu Smitu, Rabartu Smitu | Romeo and Juliet | Santa Claus is On His Way | School Days | Shadow Dancing | The Lonely Jew on Christmas | There You Are! | Waitin' On a Women | We Wish You a Merry Christmas | We're All Special

See Also: List of Songs | List of Minor Characters from Season One | Season One

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