|Episode no.||Season 11|
|Original airdate||November 14, 2007|
|List of all South Park episodes|
The girls in the fourth grade class have made a secret list that rates every boy's looks from cutest to ugliest. When the boys steal the list, they are completely unprepared to deal with the results.
Plot details follow.
While some of the fourth grade boys are eating lunch in the Cafeteria, a troubled Butters dashes up to them telling them about a list. He exclaims how the girls have made a list which rates the boys from cutest to ugliest. As a result, everyone begins to argue over who would be the hottest. In the corridor, Eric Cartman demands Bebe to give them the list. Bebe explains that the list is held by the list keeper, Nelly, and that the boys can never see it- then proceeding to blow a raspberry and storm off. Cartman in turn blows a raspberry back and flips her off hatefully. With Bebe gone, the boys are left to do everything themselves.
In his basement, Cartman devises a plan ("Operation Cannot Possibly Fail") to get the list. However, the plan ends as a failure and the boys were forced to fall back. Back in his basement once more, Cartman sets up for his next plan ("Operation Cannot Possibly Fail A Second Time"). This time, Kenny McCormick will jump in front of Nelly and spit on the ground when she leaves the cafeteria for recess.
The plan is a success as Kenny, Cartman, Butters, and Craig Tucker dash down the hallway with the list waving in Kenny's hand. The other boys pursue the four of them who are then pursued by the now incredibly angered girls. They go into the boys' bathroom in order to avoid them and tape the list to the wall. The boys then view the list, with the order from first to last being:
Cartman is quick to mention that Kyle is at the bottom, allowing Kyle to look at the list while Eric taunts him. Kyle, who was previously indifferent about the list and peoples' opinions overall, stood alone in the bathroom- slowly becoming very self-aware about his appearance.
Meanwhile, as Kyle eats his dinner with his family, his mother questions him on his somber mood- to which Kyle explains about the list. Sheila deems it ridiculous, claiming he has his father's, Gerald Broflovski's, appearance; his father then stating he has his mother's nose. Kyle, gets up horrified, and leaves the table shouting "the least you could've done is told me!". Trying to get to sleep, Kyle is disrupted by Cartman who appears at his window boasting of being more attractive. Kyle draws his blind and tries to get to sleep. Clyde, meanwhile is in his bedroom, and after his mother leaves the room telling him to go to bed, he poses, trying to look attractive.
In the corridor, Clyde walks along greeting the girls. Kyle is still upset, and Clyde tells him that Abraham Lincoln was ugly but he accomplished a lot. Clyde walks off, telling Butters that he cannot help with his looks. Cartman walks up to Kyle and tells him that he believes he should hang around with the ugly kids so he would not "stand out as much". Kyle sits with The Ugly Kids at lunch, all of which are incredibly hideous with odd traits, which makes him stand out even more than before. Kyle sits with them outside as well. After one of them explains he hates school and would like to burn it down, Kyle gets an idea: they need a makeover. He soon changes his mind after attempting to makeover a girl with huge glasses and a huge nose. He then takes his place back on the step.
Discovering that Kyle has become dejected, Stan goes to Wendy and asks if they could talk. As they walk off, Lola questions if he will ask her to come back. Wendy comments that it is a nice surprise, seeing as she thought he never wanted to talk to her again. Stan says he wants to ask her about the list, saying it is messed Kyle up and questions how she could vote Kyle ugliest. Wendy says she did not, she voted for Cartman. Stan states it was not unanimous and that maybe she could change the list which she refuses as it is not just fun, there's protocol. Stan asks if they can ask the girls why they voted Kyle ugliest, which Wendy informs him that it will not be easy but she will try and get him in their next list-making meeting.
In their meeting hall, the girls are holding a meeting. Bebe is in charge, with Lola and a black haired girl as the next in charge. The girls discuss who has the cutest purse, then Wendy questions if they can open the previous week's list. Stan then asks about it but Bebe says no list is made hastily. Wendy states he is was only asking for it to be opened for debate. Bebe however says that she cannot do so by "Sparkle Law", open it.
Kyle lies in bed flicking a lighter on and off, planning to burn the school down. Suddenly, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears and takes him on a journey around town. He shows him that attractive people are cursed because when they know they are attractive, they do not have to work to be special and become nothing when they reach age 40. Meanwhile, kids like Kyle's ugly friend Yamal work hard for the respect that the attractive automatically get, and because of that he will have character which is something those who are attractive rarely get. Kyle explains he does not want to wait until he is an adult to be happy.
At Wendy's house, Wendy discovers some of the girls gave Clyde a rating of one sparkle, which Stan adds he has no idea what she is talking about. Wendy tells him Rebecca could have made a mistake when tallying the votes onto the final list. Wendy then pays a visit to Rebecca, but as Wendy explains her theory, something in Rebecca snapped. She warns Wendy to keep out because she is getting close to a secret she could not handle and tells Wendy to let it go. And with that, she backs into her door and disappears. Shocked at realizing this, Stan remarks that it did not sparkle with her.
At True Value, Kyle is buying the things he needs to burn down the school.
Returning to the meeting hall, Wendy shows Lola and Jenny a report she has made which shows no-one voted Clyde the cutest. Lola informs Wendy that Clyde's father owns a shoe shop and that now the list has been altered and he is popular, girls can date him and get free shoes. Wendy threatens to tell Bebe about this, but Bebe was the one who altered it and is currently dating Clyde. Wendy then says she would tell the other girls, but Jenny Simons questions if the girls will believe her over the heads of the committee and that they will make a new list; biggest liars - and put Wendy right at the top. Lola tells Wendy to do herself a favor and keep her little mouth shut. Wendy then kicks Lola in her crotch and runs off with Stan.
Stan then asks Yamal where Kyle is, who informs him that he is at the school putting it into the brink of ignition.
Arriving just in time, Stan and Wendy tell Kyle the list was forged. A traitorous Bebe then points a gun at Wendy telling her all about how great the shoes she has are, which Wendy becomes temporarily mesmerized by. Wendy snaps back and informs Bebe she has contacted the police and told them all about the scandal. Bebe believes Wendy to be lying, but is shocked to hear police sirens as they arrive telling Bebe to surrender. With Bebe distracted, Wendy wrestles with her to get the gun. Suddenly, a bullet is fired. Stan cries out to Wendy who removes her hand from her breast, but there is no wound. Bebe removes her hand from her stomach, but once again there is no wound. The two of them stare around, wondering where the bullet went. Kenny is ready to eat dinner with his family, when a bullet comes through the window into the back of his head. As his face hits the table, the Pop-Tarts shoot out of the toaster and his family stares in shock.
The police arrest Bebe, and it is unknown what happened to her after this. Stan tells Kyle he can finally see his true position on the list. Wendy then burns the list on Kyle's request, for he does not want to know his rating and Abraham Lincoln was right. Wendy tells Stan its been great hanging out with him again, and that he seems to have changed. Stan says things do change, and Wendy walks towards him and he does the same, but suddenly he comes over queasy and pukes over her continuously.
- "The List (Season 11, Episode 14)". southparkstudios.com.