View source for The Last of the Meheecans/Script

{{TabScript|episode=The Last of the Meheecans|code=rcs4ge/south-park-the-last-of-the-meheecans-season-15-ep-9|nav={{SP navigation|Ass Burgers|Bass to Mouth}} 
}}
==Cast==
*[[Stan Marsh]]
*[[Kyle Broflovski]]
*[[Eric Cartman]]
*[[Butters Stotch]]
*[[Clyde Donovan]]
*[[Craig Tucker]]
*[[Tolkien Black]]
*[[Jimmy Valmer]]
*[[Liane Cartman]]
*[[Randy Marsh]]
*[[Tom Thompson|Anchorman Chris]]
*Border patrol officers
**Officer Charlie
**Officer Marcus
*[[Mr. and Mrs. Whipple]]
*Doctor
*Elderly man
*Nurse Yimenez
*Mexican crowds
*Mexican commentator
*Mr. Geiger
*Narrator
*[[Felipe Calderón]]
*Backup singers
*[[El Pollo Loco Workers]]

==Script==
{{EpisodeScript|
{{ScriptScene|Cartman's backyard, day. By the fence, Cartman, wearing a ranger hat and outfit, and some other boys in similar attire, have erected a small U.S. border with a sign saying "Welcome to Texas" on it. The sign also has an outline of the State of Texas on it. Cartman is patrolling the border with DogPoo and Jason. They are holding Super-Soakers and pop-guns, plastic forks are duct-taped to the fence. Cartman scans for illegals with his binoculars}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[turns around]'' Alright, y'all, keep your eyes peeled and your guns ready. ''[spits something out, wipes his lips clean with the back of his shirt sleeve, and returns to patrolling the border]'' There's a heap of Mexicans out there who want nothin' more than to sneak past our border, and we've gotta stop them!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Liane|''[walking out]'' Eric, you wanna say hi to Grandpa?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Not now, Mom! We're playing Texans versus Mexicans! Gah! ''[turns to the boys on the ground - Clyde, Craig, and Timmy]'' All right, patrol, you all know the drill. Not one Mexican is to get past this border! Not a single one! Yeehaw!}}
{{ScriptDialog|The other four (except Timmy)|Yeehaw!}}
{{ScriptScene|In the woods nearby, Butters leads five other boys in a plot to get past the U.S. border at Cartman's house - Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Jimmy, and Tolkien}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Fellow Meheecans! This time, we're gonan try rushin' the Texans from the left side! Do not give up home, for I am Mantequilla! Viva la Meheeco!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|Uh, Butters, I think we're gonna go back to Kyle being team leader.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|''[saddened]'' Oh, what, I'm not a good Meheecan?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|You're a great Meheecan, Butters, but maybe just not a ''leader'' of Meheeco.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Look, guys, all we need to do is split up and apply some good diversion tactics. We'll use the Texans' emotions against them.}}
{{ScriptScene|Back at the border, Cartman scans the surrounding area, making sound effects while doing so}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[robot voice]'' Scanning for Mexicans. ''[more sound effects]'' Oh! ''[spots Kyle coming out of the woods]'' We've got a Mexican! ''[Clyde and Craig take up posts]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Hey Texans! Let me through; we want a treaty!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[to the other boys]'' He's trying a simple diversion tactic, thinks we're stupid. ''[to Kyle]'' Ha ha! You're gonna have to do better than that, Mexican!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Better than being a fat-ass Texan!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Hey! Just because I'm Texan, it doesn't mean I'm fat!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|No, you're fat to begin with, chubby! Now you're Texan too!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Oh yeah?! Oh yeah?! Well, you're a fuckin' Jew, Kyle! And now you're a Mexican Jew! You dirty, no good... Mexijew! ''[Stan sneaks in past a cardboard box labelled "Christmas Ornaments"]'' Let's just see you try and-!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|Base! ''[the others turn to see Stan in their midst]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Clyde?! ''[descends from his perch atop the border and goes to Clyde]'' What the fuck are you doin'?! You just let a Mexican through!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Clyde|I was enthralled with the dialog exchange.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Ugh, yeah?! Well, you all need to stay focused, Goddamnit! ''[Tolkien appears at the other end of the border and hops over]'' If you let yourselves get distracted for even one minute, we're gonna be overrun with these jobless, no good-!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Tolkien|Base!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Dude!! ''[walks over to Craig]'' How did he get past the fence, Craig?!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Craig|I didn't hear him coming with all your screaming.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Nobody's fuckin' screaming, Craig! Wake the fuck up! ''[Jimmy walks by in the foreground]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Jimmy|Eh, b-base.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Oh, God! ''[throws down his hat]''}}
{{ScriptScene|Cartman's house, evening. All the boys are at the dining table eating dinner. Well, all except one. All of the ones present are laughing. Well, all except one.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|So, so then, so then the pope says, "Maybe you should go check the toilet." ''[most of the other boys laugh]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Craig|Hey. Hey, I got one. ''[the other get quiet]'' Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Tolkien|Why?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Craig|'Cause they're ugly and they stink. ''[most of the other boys laugh]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|Cartman, stop pouting that you lost the game.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|I'm not pouting! I've just heard all these jokes before!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|So then don't have a slumber party if you're gonna be an asshole all night!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|At least I have an asshole, Kyle! ''[the boys laugh]''}}
{{ScriptScene|As the boys enjoy themselves, the camera pulls back into the woods outside where it has begun to snow, far away we find one boy, shivering, sitting by a stream with a jug of water next to him, in this cold snowy night.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|''[thinking to himself]'' Boy, I've really done it this time. I have one simple direction: "Go that way." How did I end up getting lost? My amigos were right: I ''am'' a lousy Meheecan. They're all living the good life while I'm, while I'm stuck out here in Meheeco. I am... The Last of the Meheecans.}}
{{ScriptScene|"The Last of the Meheecans" appears onscreen after the camera pans up into the sky}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|''[wanders around]'' Hello? Anybody? Come on Mantequilla, you have to find that border! ''[walks further away, and finds a road. He walks along the shoulder and shivers as he sings]''<poem><i> Lalala, lalala, Work Meheecan Work. Lalala, lalala, Work Meheecan Work.</i></poem>''[A couple in a car drive up behind him]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|Oh, careful darling, the storm is getting worse.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Man|It sure is. I-I can barely see. ''[Butters turns around and the woman suddenly sees him]''</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|Oh my God look out it's a Mexican! ''[the man loses control and hits Butters, who simply tumbles off the car and onto the shoulder, face down. The couple stops the car and goes to check on Butters. The wife turns him over]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Man|Oh my God, are you alright?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Por favor, ehe, I have to get across the border. M-mis amigos, my a-, my amigos are waiting.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Man|Poor thing must have snuck across the border and then lost track of his family.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|I, am Mantequilla, the last of the Meheecans.}}
{{ScriptScene|The couple's house, night. There's something about the Spanish Colonial architecture in this house. The couple shows Butters to a spare room full of inspirational and religious messages. He will sleep here for the night}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|''[showing him around the room]'' Guest room. Guest room. Bed, bed. Pillow. You're going to be okay. ''[kneels before him]'' Do you understand?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Man|Darling, I don't know if we can keep him.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|What are we supposed to do?! Call the police?! And have him shipped back to Mexico like some animal?! ''[to Butters]'' Win-dow. Wiinnn-dow.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Man|Yep, window.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|''[pleased]'' Bueno! ''[to her husband]'' He'll have so much more opportunity here than he ever would in Mexico! ''[to Butters]'' Window. Windooow. ''[gives him a bottle of]'' Win-dex. Wiiin-dex, Mantequilla. Paper towel. ''[squirts some Windex onto the towel and takes Butters to the window]'' Sí, sí Mantequilla ''[shows Butters how to clean the window, then leaves him to continue doing it himself]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Man|Auhp, be sure to get the edges.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|Oh darling, it's wonderful.}}
{{ScriptScene|Cartman's house, night. The boys have gone to sleep in the basement, the TV is now white noise and static, food, toys, video and board games litter the floor. Everyone is soundly asleep, sprawled out randomly atop pillows and sleeping bags, Timmy in his wheelchair, the camera zooms out to reveal Cartman tossing and turning in his sleeping bag.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[talking in his sleep]'' No. NO! Must protect the border! Everyone's gettin through! No! Clyde! We're losing! Kyle go through! Oh no, now Stan's through! And Jimmy! It's over! The only Mexican left is Butters; we've got... ''[wakes up]'' Butters! ''[gets up, then tries to get the others up]'' Hey! Wake up you guys! Wake up, losers!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|What are you talking about?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Where is Butters?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[after a few seconds]'' He was with us at dinner. Wait. Was he with us at dinner?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|Yeah, I think he was? Wait.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Craig|Butters is one of those people who you can never remember if he was there or not.}}
{{ScriptScene|Outside Cartman's house, night. The boys turn on the patio light and walk out through the sliding doors in back the snow is starting to cover the yard.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Butters?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|Butters!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[hugs himself]'' Jesus, it's freezing out here. He, he could be dead.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[puts on his ranger hat, now speaking in his Texan voice]'' All right men, rally up! There's still a Mexican out there and he ain't gettin' through! ''[walks towards the woods, but stops long enough to tell Kyle]'' You haven't won yet! ''[smiles evilly and moves on]'' Game on!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Craig|Game on!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Wugh, game on. ''[puts on his mustache]''}}
{{ScriptScene|The couple's house, Morning. Butters is wearing a hairnet, washing dishes and humming to himself. His face is filthy.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|<poem><i>Work, Mexican, Work. ''[hums some more]'' Work, Mexican, Work</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|''[arrives at the kitchen entrance]'' Mantequiila? Mantequilla, come to the living room. We have a surprise for you. ''[leaves. Butters follows her out]''}}
{{ScriptScene|The living room. A large box wrapped up and tied with a bow sits in the middle}}
{{ScriptDialog|Man|Surprise! We've scraped some money together and got you something. ''[Butters grins]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|It's a present, Mantequilla. Un presente.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Wow! A present just for me? ''[starts to unwrap it]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|Oh he's such a happy little Mexican. ''[Butters finishes unwrapping it only to see a gas-powered leaf blower designed to be worn on the back]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Man|How do you like that, Mantequilla? Your very own leaf blower! Hahah, I have no idea how it works, but I'm sure you do, huh. Say, how'd you like to go in the back yard and play? ''[moments later, Butters is in the back yard using the power blower to blow some leaves around. The couple watch him from a table with umbrella providing shade]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|Oh look at him, darling. He's so happy.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Man|Hup. Nono, Mantequilla! You're just blowing the leaves from one side to the other. Get them in one pile so you can use the garbage bags we loaned you.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Ah, sí señor.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|Oh he's so adorable.}}
{{ScriptScene|A song begins to play as Butters clears away the leaves. As the song plays, you see the following montage: Butters blowing leaves into piles, Butters washing he couple's care as they watch, Butters scooping leaves out of the pool as the couple plays in it with a beach ball, the boys pasting fliers all over town asking "Have you seen this Mexican? Answers to 'Mantequilla.' Text *** 67319," Cartman and his border patrol watching for illegal aliens, Butters providing pedicures for the couple, Butters serving them ham, Butters washing more dishes, Stan and Kyle putting up billboards that echo what the fliers said, and Cartman looking into the woods. Seeing no one coming, Cartman lowers his binoculars and smiles. Butters now clean up the front yard.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Singers|<poem><i>Work, Mexican, work.</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|<poem><i>All week long, bossman say</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Both|<poem><i>Work, Mexican, work.</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|<poem><i>Sing your Song, earn your pay</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Both|<poem><i>Work, Mexican, work.<br />Work, Meheecan</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Singers|<poem><i>Sweat</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|<poem><i>Meheecan</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Singers|<poem><i>Toil</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|<poem><i>Meheecan, it's your</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Both|<poem><i>lot in life.</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|<poem><i>While people play in the sun all day</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptDialog|Both|<poem><i>Work, Mexican, work.</i></poem>}}
{{ScriptScene|The couple's kitchen, later. The woman is at the breakfast nook crying and wiping away her tears with a tissue. The man sees her and gets worried, then walks into the kitchen.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Man|Honey? Honey, what's wrong? ''[she looks up to see him]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|It's Mantequilla. We've tried giving him everything, but I don't think he's happy. Tonight I told him he could do whatever he wanted before bed - wash the windows, mop up our bathroom - but you know what he said? He said "I need to go home." I tried telling him "your home is here, Mantequilla! ¡Tu casa es aquí!" But I don't think he feels it.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Man|Well, maybe if we let him paint the garage, he'll feel more like family and then-}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|No, Brian! In my heart I know it's true. He belongs with his own kind, Brian. He belongs with his own kind!}}
{{ScriptScene|El Pollo Loco, night. The couple drive up to El Pollo Loco and take Butters to the door. The woman is still weeping}}
{{ScriptDialog|Brian|Come on, honey. ''[they walk back to the car]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Hey, where are you going?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|''[turns around]'' No! Mantequilla bad! Go now!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Ma'am, can I, can I just use your phone?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Woman|No es bueno, Mantequilla! ¡No me mi-mires! ¡Por favor! ¡Por favor no mires! ''[they reach the car, get in, and drive off. The woman is still weeping]''}}
{{ScriptScene|El Pollo Loco kitchen. Butters is sitting atop a prep table telling of his adventure, as a group of Latino workers go about making meals}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|So there I was, just yards away from the American border. All my amigos made it across, but I became lost in the woods. If the Whipples hadn't come along, I might have froze to death. But I'm not giving up, for I, am Mantequilla! ''[the workers all stop in shock and look at him, a utensil can be heard hitting the floor]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 1|Mantequilla?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 2|Mantequilla?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 1|¡Yo he escuchado de este niño! ¡He visto anuncios de el por donde quiera! ''["I've HEARD of this kids! I've seen POSTERS and BILLBOARDS of him everywhere!"]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 3|Sí. Es famoso! ''["Yeah. He's FAMOUS!"]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Nothing can stop me, and my pride, in Mother Meheeco!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 1|¿Un niño gringo que quiere ses mexicano? ''["A WHITE American kid who wants to be Mexican?"]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 3|Ay, tiempos han cambiado. ''["Wow, times are really changing"]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 1|No... no. ¿Saben qué? Mantequilla tiene derecho. ¿Por qué venimos a este país? ¡Vale madre aquí, 'mano! ''["No... no, you know what? Mantequilla is RIGHT! Why did we even come to this country? It SUCKS HERE, MAN!"]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Hey! You fellas think you can get me across that border?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 1|Debemos escuchar a este niño. ¡Mexico es mucho mejor que esto! ''["We should listen to this kid. Mexico is better than this!"]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|All my amigos are there, waitin' for me.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 1|Todos mis amigos están allí también.. ''["All my amigos are back there too."]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 2|¡A la chingada con esto! ¡Vamonos! ''["Come on, screw this! Let's go!"]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 3|Sí, ¡vamonos a la chingada!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Viva la Meheeco!}}
{{ScriptScene|A hospital, outside. An elderly man is being assisted by two Latinos, who are helping him out of an ambulance and onto a wheelchair}}
{{ScriptDialog|Doctor|Alright, let's get him into ER.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Elderly man|Careful w'my foot! ''[a car stops and a man whistles]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 2|¡Oye Yimenez! ¡Nos vamos a regresar, hombre! ''["Hey Yimenez!!! We're going back, man!"]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Yimenez|¿Qué? ''["What?"]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Worker 2|¡Este lugar es una mierda! ¡Nos regresamos a Mexico!''["This place sucks! We're going back to Mexico!"]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|We're crossin' the border!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Yimenez|¡Jose! ¡Martinez! Nos vamos para atras para Mexico! ''["We're going back to Mexico!" The nurses and other Hispanic workers pour out of the hospital]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Olé!}}
{{ScriptScene|The real Mexican border, day. There's no activity. One of the guards is looking through binoculars, the other larger guard is fanning himself with a rolled up newspaper}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 1|Pretty quiet out there.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 2|Yeah, a bit too quiet if you ask me. Gimme those! ''[takes the binoculars and looks through them]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 1|Just seems like Mexicans don't try to cross into the US as much as they used to, you know?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 2|Noo, they're out there, Charlie. Plottin' their next move. They'll do anything they can to get into the Land of Opportunity. ''[lowers the binoculars. The first illegals appear on the US side of the border and head towards the fence]'' And as long as this country offers everyone a better life, there's gonna be people clamorin' to get it. It's the curse of success, Charlie. ''[more aliens appear as the first ones hop over the fence]'' A great and wealthy nation will always be plagued ''[raises the binoculars and looks through them again]'' by the needy tryin' to-what the hell? ''[sees the Mexicans running into Mexico. The other guard notices too]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Charlie|''[scratches his head]'' Uhh, sir? Aren't them Mexicans runnin' ''into'' Mexico?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 2|''[lowers his binoculars]'' That don't make sense.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Charlie|''[shouting to the returning illegals]'' You're going the wrong way!}}
{{ScriptScene|TV News break}}
{{ScriptDialog|Anchorman|You've heard of Mexican salsa, but Mexican pride? The phenomenon is called "Orgullo de Mantequilla," where Mexicans are realizing it actually is starting to suck more here in the US. The borders are being flooded with Latin Americans trying to get back to their own countries. ''[Randy and Sharon are on the sofa watching the news]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Randy|Well, I think it's good. ''[stands up and puts on his blazer, then walks to the front door]'' If the Mexican people feel inspired, good for them. People have a right to go and be happy. ''[opens the door and looks outside. Huge piles of leaves have been left on his front yard]'' NOOOOOO! ''[Audio clip is Darth Vader's voice from Star Wars Ep. III]''}}
{{ScriptScene|Cartman's house, day. He's watching the news too}}
{{ScriptDialog|Anchorman|But just what has sparked the Mexican desire to live... in Mexico? Joining us now is economist Mark Geiger, and Mark, we've heard of Mexican ice cream, but Mexican patriotism?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Mr. Geiger|Yes, it's a very odd phenomenon, Chris. Ih it just- ''[the front door opens and it's Stan and Kyle, who are pretty miffed for obvious reasons]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Cartman, what the hell is this?! ''[he's holding a poster Cartman designed: "Wanted by U.S. Border Patrol. Permission to shoot on sight."]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|You guys, the game is over! Clearly I won. Give it up.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|"Wanted by the U.S. Border Patrol"?! "Permission to shoot on sight"?!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|You guys were putting out fliers, I had to put some out too.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Butters has been missing for a week! You might have inadvertently gotten him killed!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Well then I inadvertently won the game, didn't I?''[The news come back on, with Cartman glancing at his TV, with Kyle also staring, as Stan continues glaring at Cartman]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Chris|Do you have what it takes to join the Border Patrol? Border Patrol officers are looking for volunteers to help with the reverse immigration crisis.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Oh dude. Sweet.}}
{{ScriptScene|Butters is asleep in a room, on a wooden bed. The floor is made of hexagon-shaped tile. On the cracked green wall behind him is a small framed painting of Frida Kahlo. He wakes up, gets off the bed, looks around, and walks towards a doorway completely naked except for his Mexico hat. He opens the double doors and steps outside. He rubs his eyes to get a better view. A small plaza full of people awaits his appearance, and everyone cheers}}
{{ScriptDialog|Crowd|¡Vamos Mantequilla! ''[Clap clap clap-clap-clap]'' ¡Vamos Mantequilla! ''[Clap clap clap-clap-clap]'' ¡Vamos Mantequilla! ''[Clap clap clap-clap-clap]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Oh uh, I'm sorry, ''[opens his arms wide]'' I don't really-}}
{{ScriptDialog|Crowd|Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. ''[he lowers his arms and the crowd quiets down. He raises them up and]'' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. ''[he raises his right arm]'' ¡Oy! ''[he lowers his arm and raises it a little]'' ¡Oy! ''[now raises his left arm]'' ¡Orgullo! ''[opens his arms wide]'' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. ''[the crowd members raise their arms and some begin to toss their hats in the air]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Wow.}}
{{ScriptScene|The U.S. border. Officer 2 briefs the new volunteers on their duties}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 2|Welcome to the US Border Patrol. You volunteers are the key to keepin' this country safe and prosperous. ''[begins to walk back and forth]'' Every day, more and more Mexicans are tryin' to get past this fence and go back to their homes in Mexico. As border patrol officers our duty is to stop Mexicans from crossin' the border. We don't need to worry about the semantics of which direction they're going, we're just supposed to stop them! ''[pounds his left fist into his right hand]'' Marcus?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Marcus|The standard-issue border patrol weapon is the P-29 stun baton. ''[begins handing a baton to each volunteer]'' It carries a 4000 watt charge and is your best option for enforcin' border patrol law.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|This is gonna be so fuckin' sweet.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Marcus|The baton is non-lethal, but powerful e-}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 3|Hey! We got some! Mexicans at 2 o'clock! ''[hands his binoculars over to Officer 2]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 2|Let's get ready, recruits! Must be a couple dozen of them! ''[Cartman takes out his own binoculars and begins scanning and providing his own sound effects]'' This is the US Border Patrol! Stop where you are! Turn around and get back to work!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Marcus|There's too many of 'em! We're gonna need backup! ''[Cartman goes to a nearby water truck and opens a spigot, which releases water and creates a large puddle. The Mexicans run into the puddle and stand there. Cartman tosses his baton into the puddle, electrocuting the Mexicans.]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 2|You're pretty good at stoppin' Mexicans, son. What's your name?}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Cartman. Eric T. Cartman.}}
{{ScriptScene|San Francisco, Later. The Mexicans are rounded up and taken to San Francisco to be released. What follows is a montage parody of Border Wars: first, shots of a border crossing showing four lanes of cars waiting to get into Mexico. A U-Haul truck is opened up and its cargo of Mexicans is removed from the trailer. A nighttime patrol shows Cartman with some other officers in a boat. They intercept a smaller boat with Mexicans trying to row to Mexico, then escort them back to shore near Santa Monica. The third shot shows Cartman on a helicopter with two other officers. He points at a sign on the ground. The helicopter drops him off near the sign and he turns it around to fool unsuspecting Mexicans, grins, and hides behind some bushes. Some Mexicans stand in line to get unemployment checks, and one of them gets a flag from Officer 2}}
{{ScriptDialog|Narrator|Dedicated. Patriotic. Tireless. These are the men and women of the US Border Patrol. They work around the clock protecting America's prosperity. They are the front line in making sure Mexicans stay here and work. The border patrol is uncompromising, diligent, and kewl. They will defend, arrest, and most importantly, let the Mexicans know that they are way better off here in the United States.}}
{{ScriptScene|Días De Mantequilla. Butters has earned himself a festival - Butters Day - in what looks like Mexico City, complete with mariachis and a portrait of him mimicking the famous portrait of Our Lady of Guadalupe. Among the sights at this festival: little kids dancing, señoritas dancing nearby, a man wearing a large papier-mâché Mantequilla head is entertaining children, people are buying Mantequilla shirts at the Tienda de Orgullo, kids trying to burst open a piñata of Mantequilla. A girl runs by with a small Mexican flag. One of the kids breaks open the piñata and the others rush in for the candy.}}
{{ScriptDialog|President Calderón|¡Hoy celebramos el primer día de Mantequilla, honrando el espiritu de México! ''["Today we celebrate the FIRST day of Mantequilla, honoring the spirit of Mexico!" Everyone claps for Butters]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Thanks everyone. ''[hops onto the table]'' It suer has been great gettin' to know you all. You've been really great amigos. ''[gets sad]'' It's really kind of made me... appreciate my amigos back home. I know they were waitin' for me, and I'm sure they're all worried sick.}}
{{ScriptDialog|President Calderón|Mantequilla, tu tienes que hacer una decisión. Los Estados Unidos están de baja, y claro, México pronto será el mejor lugar. Pero como Mexicanos, nosotros sabemos que nada es más importante que la famlia, y amistades. Estás invitado a vivir con nosotros, Mantequilla, pero tienes que seguir tu corazón. ¿Quieres quedarte aquí con nosotros, o quieres estar con tus amigos? ''["Mantequilla, you have a decision to make. The United States is on the decline, and clearly, Mexico will quickly become the better place to be. But as we Mexicans know, nothing is more important than FAMILY and FRIENDS. You are welcome to live with us, Mantequilla, but you must follow your heart. Do you want to stay here with us, or do you want to go back to your amigos?"]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|''[aside to the Mexican sitting at the table with him]'' ...What did he say? Ah I actually don't speak Spanish.}}
{{ScriptScene|The US Border. Cartman stands front and center scanning the horizon, with other soldiers and volunteers taking breaks.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[robot voice]'' No Mexicans detected. ''[normally]'' Huh, nothing.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 4|''[Richards]'' Let's face it: they've just about all gotten back across. No matter how hard we tried, the Mexicans all got across the border.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 2|When we asked Obama to stop illegal immigrants, we didn't mean to make the US so shitty they wouldn't wanna come anymore.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Marcus|''[along in the lookout tower, as bored as the others, he suddenly sees something, sits up, and rushes to tell the others.]'' Hey! Hey wait a minute! ''[whips out his binoculars and gets a better look.]'' It's a Mexican! ''[It's Mantequilla]'' I think he wants to come back in! ''[Officer 2 climbs the ladder and gets a better look]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 2|Oh my God it is! ''[puts down the binoculars and happily waves his hat at Butters]'' Hey! Hey! Come on in! ''[bangs at the tower and whistles]'' Come on! Come on! Come on, it's okay! ''[Butters draws closer, smiling. guard 2 addressed the other officers and volunteers]'' The fuck are you doing?! Get that gate open! ''[an officer and a volunteer happily oblige. The other officers and volunteers are smiling too]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 5|Come on, buddy!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Other Officers|Come on now, come on! You've got it. ''[Cartman gets up on the tower and uses his own binoculars]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Wait a minute, isn't that...}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|''[looking back at him]'' Game on!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[squints his eyes]'' Oh no you don't! ''[takes Officer 2's sidearm and fires at Butters.]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|''[dodging the bullets]'' AAAH!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Border officer 2|''[takes his weapon back]'' Fuck are you doin'?!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|That asshole is not getting across my border! ''[Butters either fails to see the open gate, or it was closed while Cartman was firing at him, because he starts climbing the fence. Cartman quickly gets down to intercept him, but decides that electrocuting the fence would get Butters off it, and it works]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|AAAAH! ''[falls and gets up]'' I'll get over! ''[runs farther away from the tower]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[gives chase]'' No you won't Butters!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|''[sees a gray burro and jumps up on him]'' Giddy up! ''[gallops away. Cartman gets on a pale gray burro and whistles, and gallops after Butters]''}}
{{ScriptScene|Mexico City, day. The Mexicans have huddled around just one radio and are listening to the play-by-play provided by a commentator. Since the Spanish lines are not translated here, I will provide them}}
{{ScriptDialog|Commentator|Un otro shoto de Mantequilla. Y Manteque-ah. ¡Oh! ¡Una arma! Una arma del El Niño Gordo! ''["Another shot of Mantequilla! And Mantequi-ah. Oh! A firearm! The fat kid's firearm!" Apparently Cartman was firing at Butters]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Mexicans|Ohhh!}}
{{ScriptScene|The US Border. Butters and Cartman ride past the tower, and Cartman finds himself fired upon. He turns and sees the border patrol after him}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Ey!}}
{{ScriptScene|Mexico City.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Commentator|Mantequilla ayudar ¡1a Border Patrol! ''["The Border Patrol is coming to Mantequilla's aid!" The Mexicans cheer]''}}
{{ScriptScene|El Río Bravo. Butters is now speeding away in a small boat, and Cartman is chasing him in a Border Patrol boat.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|¡Respeto mi autóridad! ''["Respect mah authoritah!" Again, Cartman is fired upon, and his boat begins to sink. This time, the border patrol is in a helicopter firing away]''}}
{{ScriptScene|Mexico City.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Commentator|Border Patrol pegaron ¡El Cero Gordo! ''["The border patrol hit the Fat Zero!" Next, Cartman is on an ATV and stops to look for Butters]''}}
{{ScriptScene|The US Border.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Where the fuck did he go?! ''[in the background, Butters can be seen riding by on his burro. Cartman sees him and gives chase. Just before Cartman reaches him, Butters blinks. Cartman jumps off his ATV and tackles Butters off his burro, and they both end up on the desert ground, with Cartman on top]'' Haha! Game over, Butters! You lose! ''[Butters apparently collapses]'' The fuck is this?! ''[instead of seeing the real Butters, Cartman sees a life-size piñata of him. The head separates from the body and candy falls out]'' No. NO! ''[Butters is climbing the fence]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|''[taunting]'' Haha! Heheeheeheehahaheehee!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ''[Butters goes over the border fence and jumps down]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Base! ''[dances around with his arms outstretched]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Mexicans|AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! ''[Butters gets on his knees and slides into a pose]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Commentator|El mirito, vinto! ''[the Mexicans celebrate. The border patrol celebrates as well, and Butters dances, the "Mexican Hat Dance" starts playing]''}}
{{ScriptScene|Cartman's dining room, evening. The boys are back at the table eating dinner, with Butters sitting between Craig and Kyle. The boys are laughing and telling jokes to each other}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|So then, so then the fireman says "That won't even ''fit'' in my scrotum!" ''[the boys laugh again]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[noticing Cartman]'' Stop being a pouty little b**** 'cause you lost, Cartman!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|I'm not pouting! I'm just... sensitive to fireman jokes 'cause of 9/11 and uh, uh... fuck you, Kyle!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Butters|Boy, I'm so glad I proved I'm a good Meheecan! Hey, maybe next time I can be team leader!}}
{{ScriptDialog|Stan|Ahhh, I think we'll stick with Kyle, dude. You made it across the border, but it did take you... two and a half weeks.}}
{{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Yeah, you're a great Meheecan, Butters, just not a great leader of Meheeco. ''[everyone falls silent. Butters stands up on his chair and raises his arms slowly]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Mexicans|''[responding to his gesture]'' ¡Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... ''[A baby responds to it, as do three Mexican fisherman out at sea. Craig and Kyle look all around, and then at Butters. Butters thrusts his right arm out twice.]'' ¡Oy! ¡Oy! ''[Butters thrusts his left arm out once]'' ¡Orgullo! ''[raises both arms again]'' ¡Maaantequilla! ''[now all his friends are looking at him]''}}
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|''[sighs gruffly and rolls his eyes]'' A Baptist priest with a huge boner walks into a bar...}}
}}

{{Episodemedia15|episode=09}}
[[fr:Le Dernier des Méhicains/Script]]
[[zh:最后的墨西哥人/剧本]]
[[Category:Scripts From Season Fifteen]]