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Red Man's Greed "Red Man's Greed" "South Park is Gay!" "Christian Rock Hard" Christian Rock Hard
"South Park is Gay!"
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Episode no. Season 7
Episode 8
Production no. 708
Original airdate October 22, 2003
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"South Park is Gay!" is the eighth episode of Season Seven, and the 104th overall episode of South Park. It first aired on October 22, 2003.[1]


The town of South Park celebrates the new, hip metro-sexual craze.[1]


SPW pic -- Spoiler Spoiler warning!
Plot details follow.

At the bus stop, Cartman, Kenny and Stan are talking about Stan having ruined his new pajama top, all in overly effeminate voices. All three are also wearing new clothes that make them look gay - for example, Stan has a fishnet-style vest on, and Kenny has a new pink-purple parka. Kyle then arrives, in his normal jacket and ushanka. Cartman begins making fun at him, saying that his clothes are out of date - the three decide to give him a makeover, resulting in him looking gay too.

When Kyle gets home, Sheila is rather predictably horrified. She and Gerald go to the Marsh's house, where it turns out that every man there is watching a lot of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" amongst other "gay" shows, resulting in a high rate of metrosexual appearance amongst the adults. The women all seem to like this - it results in the men caring about their hygiene - regular bathing has suddenly become the norm, as has brushing teeth three times a day.

At school, the boys are shocked to find that everyone else has also taken to metrosexuality - even Pip and Timmy have caught on. Inevitably, Craig arrives with Tweek, Tolkien and Jason in tow and starts arguing with Cartman over who is gayer. It is not until Chef - one of the few men against the new fad - arrives that they stop. Kyle then has a talk with Chef - he is not comfortable with the new fad either. Chef advises him to just be himself and wait for the fad to pass by.

In class, Mr. Garrison, being gay himself, is not happy to find that the class has gone metro. Before long, though, Kyle arrives in his normal garb, which causes Craig to start arguing with Cartman again - this time using Kyle's non-metrosexuality to show that Cartman's group is not as gay as his own. Garrison eventually loses it, and is talking to Mr. Slave about it later that night. In the bar, he finds almost every adult in town has also gone "gay" - however, after he tries to chat a few of them up he realizes that they are not actually gay - he takes this badly, since he enjoyed being one of only a few gays in South Park.

The next day, Cartman decides that since Kyle was not metro, he would have to kill him - Stan then suggests just not hanging out with him. When Craig's Gang arrives to pick on Kyle for not being metro, Cartman, Kenny, and Stan all decide against backing him up. Without any cover, Kyle is savagely beaten by almost every boy in the school. When he tells his mom, she calls for Gerald - who by now has also gone metro. As he passes the TV, more Queer Eye is on - resulting in Kyle losing it. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison has gone to Chef to confide in him - eventually, he realizes what he can do.

Kyle purchases a train ticket to New York, and on the train openly carries a large knife - inevitably, he sits down next to Mr. Garrison and Mr. Slave. Garrison has also got a knife. Both intend to do the same thing - kill the guys from Queer Eye. After a brief argument over who gets to kill them, Mr. Slave tells them that they can both kill them at the same time.

Back in South Park, the boys are on a shopping spree - all have new clothes again. The women are all getting fed up - they no longer like the whole metrosexual thing, since now all their husbands do is stare at themselves in the mirror rather than pay attention to their wives.

In New York, the guys from Queer Eye are having a minor celebration - their ratings are through the roof. Garrison then arrives for room service, saying the girl at the desk sent it up. Kyle then runs from under the cloth on Garrison's tray and locks the door. Mr. Slave then attempts to burst through the window with an M16, but he makes a complete hash of it and ends up lacerating his arm on the glass.

In the mall, Cartman and Craig are arguing again. The adults come to break them up, when the women arrive to say that they do not like the metrosexuality anymore. In response, the men unite and decide to stage a metrosexual pride parade.

The Queer Eye guys have decided to not press charges against Garrison, Kyle and Mr. Slave. Garrison tries to explain that they are ruining homosexuality by making other men metro. He realizes that the only reason that they would do that would be if they were not actually gay. They reveal themselves to be the Crab People, and they capture the trio, taking them to their underworld.

The Crab People explain that they can only reclaim the globe through metrosexuality, since they are too weak to face a physical confrontation. When Kyle threatens to stop them, they give him - and Garrison and Mr. Slave - a makeover so that they become Crab People themselves.

In South Park, the metrosexual pride parade is on - it goes well, with Kenny, Stan and Cartman even having their own float. However, after one float hits a pothole and sets fire to a building, nobody will risk putting it out in case they damage their appearance - even Barbrady would not try.

Back in New York, President Bush is appearing on Queer Eye for a makeover, with Kyle, Slave and Garrison watching in a soundproofed two-way glass room. However, before the Crab People can complete their plan, the women of South Park arrive with wooden clubs and knock their teeth out (while Kyle, Mr. Garrison and Mr. Slave fight the Crab People) - at which point, they reveal themselves, their plan had failed.

With Queer Eye off the air, a new fad takes over, and life in South Park reverts to normal. Back in school, Stan, Cartman and Kenny offer Kyle a game of catch, acting as if nothing had happened. Kyle reminds them that they abandoned him in favor of their fad. Stan simply says Kyle is acting gay, and Cartman agrees. Kenny shrugs - possibly even in apology to Kyle - before following Cartman and Stan. Kyle tries to walk in the other direction, before muttering "God dammit!" and following them - despite it all, he is still their friend and he is too weak willed to turn the other cheek.


  1. 1.0 1.1 South Park Is Gay (Season 7, Episode 8).

  708: "South Park is Gay!" edit
Story Elements

Queer Eye for the Straight GuyCrab People • "All Things Just Keep Getting Better"


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