Main Quests
| Name | Description | |
| The New Kid in Town | ||
| Call the Banners | The Stick of Truth has been taken, and you must round up Kupa Keep's best fighters to help take it back. | |
| Gate Crasher | Token's security guard won't let you in to see him. | |
| Hot Coffee | Tweek can't come play until he finishes his chores, and needs your help. | |
| Detention Sentence | Craig is in detention, and you must break him out so he can help retake the Stick of Truth. | |
| The Bard | The Bard has the stick at the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. | |
| It's Late | It's after bed time. You have to get home. | |
| Alien Abduction | You wake up after having been abducted by aliens. | |
| Gain New Allies | The elves took the stick at night! Dirty little cheaters. | |
| Nonconformist | You have to be a confomist and act like a Goth if you want their help. Hypocrites. | |
| PTA Problems | Randy needs help proving what is actually going on at the mall. | |
| Attack the School | Its time to raid the school and get the stick back. | |
| Go Back Home | Once again, it's past your bed time. Hurry home! | |
| Defeat the Underpants Gnomes | The Underpants Gnomes are taking your underwear! | |
| Forging Alliances | We need more help if we are going to take down Clyde. | |
| Recruit the Girls | Time to see if joining the fight sparkles with the girls. | |
| Pose as Bebe's Boyfriend | Time to prove Monica is a two-faced skank. | |
| Unplanned Parenthood | Time for a makeover so you can find the real two-faced whore. | |
| Heading North | The abortion records are written in some sort of Orcish. | |
| O Canada (Quest) | You must find someone who speaks this mysterious language. | |
| Beat Up Clyde | Time to kick Clyde's ass! | |
| Betrayal From Within | "Princess Kenny is a two-faced "bitch" just like Monica and Heidi!" |
Side Quests
| Name | Description | |
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Big Game Huntin' With Jimbo | Jimbo challenges The New Kid to hunt and kill seven of the most dangerous creatures in and around South Park. |
| Defeat ManBearPig | ||
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Dropping the Kids Off | Mr. Hankey's kids have run off while their mother was getting drunk. Rather than help solve the shit domestic dispute, go find the kids. |
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Find Jesus | |
| Flower For a Princess | Every fair maiden needs a flower. | |
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Hide 'n' Seek | Play hide and seek with the kindergarteners around town. |
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Magical Songs | Jimmy won't be a proper bard until he gets a flute to play inspiring battle tunes. Help him get one. |
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ManBearPig (Quest) | Al Gore is on the hunt for ManBearPig once again, but he needs your help tracking him down. |
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Mongolian Beef | Tuong Lu Kim tells you to get rid of the Mongolians by beating up their kids in the Tower of Peace. |
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Mr. Slave's Package | Deliver Mr Slave's package from the post office. |
| Nazi Zombie Bounty | ||
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Phase One | Retrieve underpants for the Underpants Gnomes. |
| Rats in the Cellar | Rats have infested the cellar beneath Skeeter's bar. Only a true hero could slay rats in the cellar. | |
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Restoring the Balance | DogPoo asks the New Kid to destroy five banners the humans put up around town. |
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The Homeless Problem | Find the various homeless camps and chase away the homeless in town to improve the town's image. |
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The She-Ogre | Stan has lost his iPhone to an ogre, and he needs your help to get it back! |
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The Timmy Express | You have to collect 12 flags with the Timmy Express logo on them. |
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Unfriend Al Gore | Al Gore is spamming your Facebook. Go to his base and get him to stop...by beating the crap out of him. |
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Vulcan Around | Find Kevin Stoley's dad's iPad near the church and return it to him. |
| Wasted Cache |
