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"The Pandemic Special/Script" | "South ParQ Vaccination Special/Script" | "Pajama Day/Script" | 
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Cast
- Eric Cartman
- Kenny McCormick
- Kyle Broflovski
- Stan Marsh
- Butters Stotch
- Bebe Stevens
- Clyde Donovan
- Craig Tucker
- Crystal White
- Lola
- Red McArthur
- Scott Malkinson
- Betsy
- Bob White
- Clark Malkinson
- Dr. Alphonse Mephesto
- Elderly people
- Elderly Woman with Blue-Gray Blouse
- Elderly Woman in Wheelchair
- Elderly couple on motorcycle
- Several unnamed elderly people
- News reporter Chris
- News anchor Tom
- Ellen Malkinson
- Father Maxi
- Gerald Broflovski
- Herbert Garrison
- Man with Burgundy Coat
- Man with Green Coat
- Margaret Nelson
- Marvin Marsh
- Mr. Service
- Mr. Mackey
- PC Principal
- QAnon/Tutornon
- Female QAnon Tutor
- Jake Angeli
- Several unnamed members
- Randy Marsh
- Richard Adler
- Richard Tweak
- Stephen Stotch
- Thompson
- Underpants Gnomes
- Walgreens Bouncer
- Walgreens Pharmacist
Script
| South ParQ Vaccination Special | |
| Walgreens, day. A generic club song can be heard coming from it. Richard Adler and Mr. Mackey arrive by car in the parking lot. | |
| Oof, I feel silly. They're not gonna let us in! | |
| Will you just come on. You gotta loosen up, Mr. Adler. | |
| But this is the most popular place in town right now! | |
| We can get in. Just comb your hair, you know, look your best. I can get us in. [they both put their masks on] | |
| Front of Walgreens. Multiple people wait in line in order to get the COVID-19 vaccination. The Walgreens Bouncer is looking at his list. | |
| Come on, man. We've been waiting for hours. You guys have plenty of vaccinations in there, just let us in, man. | |
| 55 and older and first responders only. [Mr. Mackey and Adler arrive in front of Walgreens] | |
| Oh, uh, hey, uh, we'd like to get in there and get some vaccinations, mkay. | |
| Are you on the list? | |
| Well, no, I'm not on the list. I tried to get on the list. I sat on my computer 30 nights in a row trying to make a vaccination appointment and get on the God damn list. Look, the thing is, we are school faculty, mkay. You gotta let us in. | |
| [from the back of the line] No, no, you have to let in people with health issues first! I'm a chain smoker and my wife is 39 pounds overweight. | |
| I have a compromised immune system! I have genital warts, and I will show them to you. | |
| [now looking at the back of the line] Over 55, first responders and Group 2B only [he turns his look back to the list]. Now beat it [another unnamed man approaches the bouncer]! | |
| Hey, hey, man, I'm a friend of Dan Roberts -- he's a dental assistant in conifer... | |
| Get the fuck outta here. I said you're not gettin' in! You're wasting your time! [an old woman approaches the entrance] Oh, hello, ma'am. Right this way. [the bouncers opens the stanchion and lets the old woman in] | |
| Awwww! | |
| [on her way inside she raises both her hands and shows the middle fingers to the crowd] 79, bitchessss! | |
| Boo! | |
| You suck. You suck you stupid old people! | |
| A black screen appears writing "Vaccination Special". The screen fades away and South Park Elementary is shown. Kyle and Stan are washing their hands at the wash stations in the hallways. | |
| [from the back] Stan, Kyle, can you come over here real quick? | |
| Recess is almost over, dude. | |
| Just come here please, it's important. | |
| South Park Elementary Bathrooms. Kenny McCormick looks sad and Cartman approaches him, while Stan and Kyle remain in the back. | |
| Hey, Kenny. I got the guys, okay? You wanna talk or you want me to talk? | |
| (You can talk.) | |
| [while looking at Stan and Kyle] You guys, Kenny and I are feeling like, even though things are supposedly getting better with the pandemic, we're more depressed than ever. [Cartman and Kenny turn around to Stan and Kyle and Cartman lowers down his mask] The four of us just seem really different towards each other and we're worried the past year has put a strain to our broship. Kenny was saying he wants to do everything he can to save the broship, and I agree with him. So we had a really positive talk about it during lunch, and Kenny shared some ideas of how maybe we can navigate through this, and I think we came up with a great idea. Okay, so, you know how chicks have periods right? | |
| What? | |
| It's true! Women have "periods" where they bleed from their vagina. Remember earlier today, Stan, you said our teacher was wearing white? So when we talked I said to Kenny "Oh, what if the teacher got her period?" which cheered us up a bit and then we realized today was hamburger day for lunch. There was lots of ketchup laying around. So me and Kenny snuck into the classroom during recess and put it on the teacher's chair, and now when we get back to class there's gonna be a bunch of ketchup [Stan and Kyle look at each other] on the teacher's chair and when she stands up it's gonna totally look like she got her period! [Kenny laughs] It's going to be amazing, you guys. I'm so excited! | |
| Classroom. The bell rings and the teacher, Mrs. Nelson, arrives in class. | |
| Okay, class. Hope everyone had a good lunch. [Cartman struggles to hold in his laughter] Okay, how did everyone do on their fractions? Are there any questions? [Mrs. Nelson approaches her desk] I know the last few were a little tricky. [she sits on the chair and a squish sound it's heard] | |
| [barely holding his laugh and whispering] Shh! Kyle, Kyle! Shhh! [Kyle rolls his eyes] | |
| Mrs. Nelson, I couldn't figure out number 14. | |
| Number 14. Okay. Well, let's look at it together. [Mrs. Nelson gets up from her chair and when she turns around, a big red stain is seen on her back on the skirt.] | |
| Ewwwwww! [Cartman and Kenny laugh loudly] | |
| What? [she sees the stain and panics] What? What is -- What is this? | |
| Oh, my God. [Cartman points at her and takes out his phone, starting to film her] Teacher had her period. [he and Kenny continue to laugh loudly] | |
| [embarrassed] Kids, something must be wrong with me. [she starts to panic even more when Cartman and Kenny can't stop laughing] Is this a prank? | |
| [continuing to film with his phone] That's nasty, teacher. Don't have your period during class time! | |
| [in the same panic state] Do you think this is funny? I come here, and I risk my life to teach you? And I can't even get a vaccination because teachers aren't important enough?! [Cartman and Kenny stop laughing] And I get on the websites and can't even get a straight answer on when I'll get vaccinated?! Well, I'm over it! [she opens the classroom door] I can't do this anymore! [she leaves the classroom] | |
| You guys, I think that might have been the single most hilarious thing we've ever done. | |
| The boys walk along the street past the Stotch residence, coming from school. Cartman looks on his phone. | |
| Which one should we post, you guys? Should we post the one where you can see the most blood on teacher's ass or the one where she makes the dumbest face? | |
| [the boys suddenly stop, right in front of Butters' house] You're not posting anything! Do you have any idea what you've done? | |
| (What do you mean, dude?) | |
| Yeah, we finally get back to school and have some sense of normalcy and you guys make the teacher walk out! | |
| Hey, at least Kenny and I were doing something to try and get that spark back. You know 30 percent of broships didn't make it through the pandemic? | |
| What if they make us go back to remote learning?! I don't want to go back to being quarantined at home like some of the other kids still are! | |
| [from the window] Hey, fellas! [the boys turn around facing the house] Anything fun happen at school today?! | |
| Yeah, you missed it! It was the best thing ever! [shows the phone] We put ketchup in the teacher's seat and made her think it was her period! | |
| Oh, my gosh! That sounds like so much fun! | |
| Yeah, pretty much greatest day of our lives. | |
| [turns to the boys] Do you guys know how hard it's going to be for them to find us a replacement teacher? | |
| It's not gonna be hard. They'll bring in some lame ass teacher who's desperate to work. How bad can it be? | |
| Main Street, a bus arrives. Mr. Garrison gets out of the bus. | |
| [very excited] Oh... I'm baaack! Hey, South Park! I'm home! | |
| [surprised] Holy shit, is that who I think it is? | |
| [from the bus] Any luggage from below, sir? | |
| Oh, yes, I've got a lot of baggage! | |
| Mr. Garrison walks along the street carrying his baggage behind him. | |
| Hey! Hey, Valmer! How're you doing? [camera turns to Valmer residence where Ryan is staring at Garrison in shock] Tucker! Lookin' good! [points at Thomas, who is watering his front lawn and who's also staring at Garrison in shock] Oh it's so great to see everybody [Sheila takes out the trash in the back and the camera turns to Thompson's residence] | |
| [from the window] Hey! Fuck you! | |
| Hey, hey, lookin' good, Thompson! Did your wife get that AIDS test?! | |
| South Park Elementary, principal's office. Mr. Garrison speaks with PC Principal and Strong Woman. | |
| You know, the simple truth is, teaching is my life. [PC Principal and Strong Woman look at each other] I'm just completely at home in the classroom. [they look at Garrison again] I realize that now more than ever after my little sabbatical. | |
| Yes... Your, sabbatical was somewhat controversial. | |
| Well, I just went through a little thing. You know, I... I realized I was gay. And then I realized I wasn't gay, I was a woman. And after I transitioned, I thought it was a little mistake and then I went through a phase of being the President of the United States. | |
| Well, that is the problem, Mr. Garrison, as someone who previously identified as President, there could be safety issues. | |
| Oh, that's not a problem. Anyone who has been President is assigned secret service for the rest of their lives to keep them protected. [looks at the door] Mr. Service! [an agent looking-man with no pants on him arrives and Garrison presents him to the principals] This is my private security, Mr. Service. | |
| Hello. | |
| Uh, thank you for your application, Mr. Garrison. We'll keep you in mind as a backup, but hopefully the vaccination process is going to start opening up. | |
| Walgreens, the generic club song can still be heard. | |
| Come on, man, it's ridiculous that people can't get in. | |
| Yeah, you know, in Israel they vaccinate everybody. Israel's way cooler than this lame place! | |
| So then go to Israel. | |
| I tried... I couldn't get in. [camera switches to Chris] | |
| Tom, I'm outside of the hottest place in town, and what we'd like to do now is take you [moves near the bouncer] for an exclusive look inside. | |
| You're not getting in, pal | |
| [still looking at the camera] I'm actually willing to go inside and get a shot so that everyone can see just how safe it is. | |
| I said get lost, you're not getting in. [Chris looks at the bouncer] Get outta my face. | |
| Please give me a shot. [looks back at the camera] Please, all I want is a shot. [looks back the at bouncer] Just that one shot that could change everything. | |
| [moving Chris aside] Everyone clear outta the way. Clear the entrance. We have VIPs coming out. [the bouncer opens the stanchion and a bunch of elderly people exit the building] | |
| Whoo-hoo! | |
| Where to next, everybody? | |
| That was our second shot. Let's go out to the bars! | |
| Yeah! | |
| [from the back of the line] Old people suck! | |
| Hah? Can't hear ya. Got too many antibodies in my ears! | |
| Hahahaha! | |
| Stan walks to the school but he's stopped by a car full of old people, including his grandfather, Marvin | |
| Hey there, Billy! Still gotta wear that mask, huh? We're all vaccinated now. I'm gonna go out to the bars and get some pussy! | |
| Okay, grandpa. | |
| Yeahhhh! | |
| Sayyy... When are they gonna vaccinate you kids? Oh, yeah! You're last! [the elderly people begin to laugh] | |
| Have fun social distancing, loser! [the car drives away; multiple kids can be seen entering the school in the background] | |
| South Park Elementary, classroom. The bell just rang and everyone goes to their sits. | |
| Hey, broships. You ready for some substitute teacher action? This should be fun! | |
| [entering the class] Hey, kids! Guess who's baaaaaaaaack? | |
| [upset] Awwwwww! Yuck! | |
| Well, I know you've all had a lot of time off this past year. | |
| Oh, dear Christ, what have we done? | |
| But it's time to get you all back on track. Now, I expect discipline and respect in this classroom -- both to me and your new teacher's assistant, Mr. Service. [Mr. Service arrives] Hand these papers out, Mr. Service. [hands him the papers and slaps his ass] | |
| The bell rings. The children leave the classroom, pissed at Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny for what they did. | |
| Nice going, you dumb cocks! | |
| Stupid assholes! | |
| You guys are dicks. | |
| Wow, people are really pissed at us for doing the period joke, you guys. | |
| Why do people think we all did the period joke? | |
| Well, because I told them we all did. People know we're bros and that we do everything together! | |
| You guys are gonna go and tell everyone the truth about who's fault this is! I didn't do anything! | |
| That's right, Kyle, you did nothing. You knew about the prank, you could have stopped it at any time, but you didn't say a word. Silence is violence, Kyle. | |
| What?! Dude! [to Stan] Are you just gonna stand there and listen to this crap?! | |
| I don't even know what to do! If you ask me, this whole pandemic has been a giant waste of time! [leaves] | |
| Oh, my God... Maybe our broship didn't survive. | |
| Will you shut up about that!? Nobody cares about your stupid broship! [Kenny starts to cry and leaves, while Cartman and Kyle sadly look at him] | |
| [to Kyle] And now you've made Kenny cry. [Cartman leaves] | |
| Walgreens. People still wait in line. | |
| [looking at his list] Nope... Nope... [looking at the Underpants Gnomes] I don't see you anywhere on the list. | |
| It's "Gnomes", "Underpants Gnomes". | |
| We are essential workers! | |
| [from the back of the line] Yeah, yeah. Get in line with the rest of us! | |
| Is anybody here actually on the list?! [Mr. Mackey arrives dressed as a fireman] | |
| Uh, yes it's uh, Tom, Fireman Tom, mkay. | |
| Will you fucking get lost, pal? | |
| I don't know what you're talking about! | |
| Alright, that's it. | |
| I'm a hero of the community. [the bouncer moves Mr. Mackey aside] I'm Fireman Tom! | |
| Food 4 Little. A car containing several old people drives past. | |
| Yeehhhh! Partyyy! | |
| Inside the store. Mr. Garrison shops alongside Mr. Service. | |
| Okay, let's see... Scissors, paper, glue. Ah! Some good old fashioned number 2 pencils. That's what my students need. Mr. Service, can you grab a couple boxes of those pencils over there? [people in the store look at Garrison] | |
| Would you look at that? He ruined our entire country and now he's just back like nothing happened. | |
| Okay, I think that's all the school supplies we need. Let's grab some healthy snacks for the class snack basket. [everyone continues to angrily look at Garrison and he notices them] Oh. Oh, I see. Look, everyone, there's a gay man shopping! I happen to be the only teacher brave enough to teach your kids right now, so you better all get real woke real fast! Come on, Mr. Service! [goes to the produce section and grabs an apple; the Whites arrive] | |
| Uh, hey! Excuse me?! [Mr. Service blocks the way] Hey, uh, I'm not sure if you remember me. Bob White? I just want you to know I was always on your side. In fact, all of us Whites were really on your side. | |
| Look, I'm just a teacher. Okay? Just a teacher, I'm shopping for my class. | |
| [comes closer to Garrison] So, look, uh, what are we supposed to do now? You know, I'm a follower of QAnon. What are we supposed to do to stop the vaccinations? They're vaccinating people right now, seeding people with their microchips! Surely, you have a plan?! We're on the internet every night waiting for word. | |
| The word is get a fucking life, jackass! Blow shit out your dickhole! [walks away along with Mr. Service, leaving the White family confused] | |
| Did you hear that, honey? He said 'shit... out your dickhole'... He's trying to give us some kind of signal. | |
| South Park Elementary, Mr. Mackey's office. | |
| Think my life doesn't matter!? I show you what matters. [packing up his books] Counselors matter. That's what matters. Let's just see how your God damn school functions without a God damn counselor! [the sound of a motorcycle is heard outside] Oh, God dammit. [walks up to the window] Hey! Hey, you damn old people! [an elderly man is making drifts with his motorcycle in the school's parking lot, while an old woman looks at him] Stop doing donuts in the school parking lot! | |
| Hah? | |
| I said you old people need to -- [the elderly man revs his engine, making an even louder noise and the old woman joins him on the motorcycle, while showing Mr. Mackey the middle finger before leaving the parking lot; Mr. Mackey returns to his desk] Fucking old people rubbing everyone's noses in their fun times! [a knocking on the door is heard] What?! [Kenny comes in, sad] | |
| [sighs] (I've been having a lot of problems with my friends. It just seems like the pandemic exposed problems we didn't even know were there. To be honest, I'm not sure that I even see a future with these guys.) | |
| What?! [Cartman opens the door] | |
| Hey, Kenny. Guys? Guys, come on. You agreed to counseling. [Stan and Kyle arrive and Cartman closes the door behind them] Hey, Mr. Mackey. We, uh, we've been having a lot of problems and um, we all want to work on our broship, don't we guys? | |
| Yes. | |
| Yes. | |
| You know this pandemic has been a pressure cooker, and we just feel like we're going through the brotions. You know? | |
| [points at Cartman and Kenny] Because you guys pulled a prank and made the teacher leave, and now everybody hates us. | |
| Silence is violence, Kyle. Silence is violence. | |
| Guess what, boys? I don't care. I come here and I listen to you kids bitch about your stupid problems everyday and I'm 50 years old! [punching the table] I could die tomorrow from this Covid shit! | |
| Please, Mr. Mackey, we just want to get our old teacher back for everybody, okay? Can you just tell her we're really, really sorry? | |
| It's not that simple. There's only one way you're getting your teacher back, and that's if teachers get their hands on the vaccine. [the boys look at each other] | |
| How do we do that? [Mr. Mackey walks up to the window and stares outside] | |
| There's a place in town... Very hard to get into. Very exclusive. Walgreens. I've tried to get in many times... Dressed like a fireman, mkay. Dressed like a little ol' lady, but they got security up the ass. [turns around to the boys] You find a way inside, get all the vaccines you can and bring them here to the school. You do that, and you just might get your teacher back. Mkay. [the boys again look at each other] | |
| The Whites' residence's basement, night. Bob White gathered up several QAnon followers. | |
| My friends, these are very dangerous times. Our country's future is at a precipice. And that is why I have called together every QAnon follower in our town. | |
| Let's forget it, Bob. The bad guys won. | |
| I feel like someone pooped on my life. | |
| They didn't win! We just recently received a new coded message. | |
| You got a message from Q? | |
| Not from Q... From the chosen one. [everyone gasps] Yes, we saw him. In the produce section of the grocery store. And he said to me... "Blow shit out your dickhole." I immediately knew something was amiss, because one can't move feces through their penile urinary tract! So I've been going over it and over it and I realized [proceeds to show them a chart full of conspiracy theories] Blow shit out dick hole - BSDH. We all know what BS is, but DH? It didn't make sense. Until my wife reminded me that DH are the initials of David Harris, the anon from Akron, Ohio who said that the elite use Latin to send coded messages. Out your dick hole -- Anno Yanis Domini Homme. Do what he does. The chosen is teaching now. He's taking Q's message straight to the children. And he wants us to do the same. | |
| We're supposed to be teachers? | |
| There's an incredible shortage of teachers right now. He's trying to tell us that this is our time to strike! The elite want to fuck with our kids? We'll fuck theirs! [everyone cheers] | |
| Walgreens. People still wait in line. The boys arrive along with an old woman in a wheelchair. | |
| Hello, sir! | |
| Who are you? | |
| Oh, hey, hi. We're with the nonprofit service Kids for Kommunity. Both spelled with a K. | |
| Yeah, we assist senior citizens who need the vaccine, but then need help getting to the right place. | |
| Oh, really? That's pretty damn awesome you guys. I wish more people could be like the Kommunity Kidz. Go on in. [the bouncers opens the stanchion and lets them in] | |
| Awwww! Come on! | |
| Hey, I'm in Kommunity Kidz, too! [the boys are inside the building] | |
| Holy shit, dude. That was pretty easy! | |
| Yeah bros! Kommunity Kidz spelled with a K. Gets 'em every time. | |
| Alright, so where's my Goddamn money? | |
| What?! | |
| I told you I already got the vaccine. I'm doin' this for the cash! | |
| Yeah, but we already paid you. | |
| Oh, I must have Alzheimer's, I'm just an olllld lady. [changes tone] Pay again or I squeal. | |
| You God damn old bitch! | |
| Just pay her, Cartman. | |
| What?! | |
| Come on, the pharmacist is coming! | |
| This is becoming the most expensive period joke we ever did! [the pharmacist arrives, carrying a tray of vaccines] | |
| Excuse me, what are you children doing in here? | |
| We're Kommunity Kidz. We help seniors get vaccinated. | |
| Oh, well that's very great. These boys are helping you, ma'am? | |
| Oh, actually I'm not sure. I have a little Alzheimer's. Might need a little more greenback to jar my memory. | |
| Oh, you fucking slut! This is why we keep old people in the back of the line! | |
| Cartman, just stick to the fucking plan! | |
| Oh, great, Kyle. Now he knows there's a plan! | |
| What plan?! | |
| They're lying about Kommunity Kidz! | |
| It's community with a C like normal?! | |
| Kenny, grab the vaccines! [kicks the pharmacist in the leg, while Kenny grabs the tray of vaccines and they run out of the building] | |
| RUN!! | |
| Go, go, go, go!! | |
| Hey... | |
| [pointing at the boys] Kommunity Kidz have vaccines! | |
| Malkinson residence. The family discusses in the kitchen, while Scott eats cereals. | |
| For the last time, Ellen, I don't want our son going to that public school! Mr. Garrison is a terrible teacher, he has no grip on the classroom and he's the worst president we've ever had! | |
| But Scott has to go to school, dear. | |
| So we can get him a private tutor! | |
| We can't afford a private tutor, you know that. [Richard Tweak opens the door with a cup of coffee in his hand] | |
| Hey, guys, what's the problem? [Ellen and Clark turn to Richard] | |
| It's that son of a bitch Mr.Garrison. He's gonna completely screw up our kids. | |
| Well, that's why we pulled Tweek out of school. Haven't you heard? There's a brand new private tutoring company that's fast and affordable! | |
| An advertisement of the tutor company appears. | |
| Has your child fallen behind in school? [multiple pictures of children are shown] Do you feel like the government has failed you and your child during the time of Covid? [the message is also written on the ad, then switches to one of the Tutornon members with the US flag behind him] | |
| Then call us! The tutors at Tutornon! [music starts playing; the female QAnon tutor is seen in a girl's room] | |
| Forget the classroom! Tutornon is bespoke learning that is straight from the internet [points at the computer] to your child. [then points to the girl; camera changes to another Tutornon member who sits at his desk]' | |
| We sift through all the information on the internet and present it to your child for a uniquely curated experience. [camera switches to Bob White in front of his residence, holding a laptop in one hand and several masks in the other] | |
| Forget all the Zooms and masks and social distancing at school. [throws the laptop and the masks in a garbage can; the ad switches again to the US flag background and the Tutornon are all shown] Let Tutornon save your child. Literally! | |
| Contact Tutornon today! On Facebook, YouTube and Twitter! | |
| Malkinson residence, Scott's room. Scott is painting when Clark enters his room. | |
| Alright, Scott. Your new tutor is here. [Jake Angeli arrives] | |
| Hey, there! Ready to get back on track with your schoolwork? | |
| I guess so. | |
| You better pay attention and listen to everything he has to teach you! | |
| We'll be great, thanks! [Clark closes the door and leaves; Jake Angeli closes all the curtains in the room] Alright, sit down. We don't have much time! | |
| Huh? | |
| Tom Hanks and Oprah are just two at the very top of an elite group of people who control everything we see and do. They feed upon children in order to maintain their elite status, and that isn't the worst of it. Do you know what pedophilia is? Here, let me show you. | |
| [scarily screams] Daaad?! | |
| Walgreens. The same news anchor is presenting. | |
| Tom, I'm standing outside the ultra-exclusive Walgreens where earlier today vaccines were taken by that group of young Robin Hoods, the Kommunity Kidz. These brave kids have taken it into their own hands to get people a shot. That's all people want, just a shot, and these boys have made it so you just might get that shot. And have a chance at hope and some happiness in this [gets angry] -- in this shit world -- [is interrupted by the newscaster] | |
| Okay, thank you, Chris. We'll get back -- [is interrupted by Chris] | |
| [still angry] No! No! Fuck you, Tom, because Kommunity Kidz are just what this town and this world needed! And it's amazing that some kids took some God damn time to actually go out and do something. Fuck you, Tom. [drops the mic and leaves] | |
| South Park Elementary. The bell rings. Mr. Garrison arrives in class. | |
| Alright, children, let's take our seats. [starts writing on the board] Today is standardized testing. [Mr. Service walks in and surveys the class] We're gonna make sure you lazy ducks have still been studying through this whole pandemic. | |
| Sir? | |
| Yes, Mr. Service? [Mr. Service directs his gaze to the class, and Garrison is alarmed when he sees the whole class empty except for Jimmy and Bebe] Where the hell is everybody? [they don't answer] I said, where are my students?! Bebe! [points at her] You always know where Wendy is! Where is she?! | |
| I think... her parents pulled her out school and get her a private tutor. | |
| [angry] A private tutor?! Why would they get a private tutor?! | |
| Umm..., I'm pretty sure it's because her parents hate you? | |
| What makes you think that?! | |
| Because I was talking to them about it... Because... I hate you too. | |
| I am trying to get things back to normal around here! [turns and grabs Mr. Service and speaks to him] Why is everyone acting like this?! Why is everyone against me?! | |
| I don't know, sir. | |
| I'm gonna get to the bottom of this! Come on, Mr. Service! [grabs Mr. Service by his tie and leaves classroom] | |
| Mrs. Nelson's house. She sits on the sofa when her cellphone rings. She answers. | |
| Hello? | |
| [from his living room; Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are also there with the vaccines] Hi, Mrs. Nelson, it's Eric Cartman. | |
| [annoyed] What do you want? | |
| Mrs. Nelson, we would like for you to come back to school tomorrow, because... we have COVID-19 vaccinations. | |
| Really? You think I'm gonna let you prank me again? I heard you were the ones responsible for the period prank! | |
| And it was so uncalled for and so wrong. I mean, especially because we're guys. I mean, dudes sitting around coming up with period jokes, like, how old are we? Seriously? | |
| Yeah, I don't trust you. I'll just wait until the government decides teachers are important enough to get their vaccinations. | |
| You are so important. Which is why it was so not funny what we did. I mean, what is funny about blood coming out of a woman's vagina? Like, it's sexist, first of all, and you know what else? It's just lazy. Just like dialing it in, that's what we were doing. We were just dialing it in. | |
| You better be at school tomorrow morning, and you better really have vaccinations. For all the teachers! | |
| Hey, we will be there. Period. [chuckling] Okay. Okay, cool. Bye. [hangs up and burst out laughing] Did you guys hear what I said? | |
| [angry] Why did you almost blow it at the very end, you idiot?! | |
| Relax, guys. She's gonna come. | |
| [walks up to Stan] Will you please say something to him?! | |
| [angry] What the hell did I do?! | |
| [steps in between them to calm them] (You guys stop it! Stop it!) [outside Cartman's window a man is heard singing] | |
This is my moment Hello? | |
| The boys walk to the window where they see several people asking for shots, many of them which were waiting in line at Walgreens | |
I've got a dream to fulfill | |
| Listen, Kommunity Kidz!
All I want is a shot! | |
All I want is a shot, too! | |
| Gimme a shot! Please I need a shot! | |
If I just had a shot | |
| Wow, everyone just really wants a shot. [Stephen Stotch joins the crowd along with his wife] | |
| Kommunity Kidz, please! If you just give me a shot, why I could be somebody! I could go out to fancy restaurants like all them old people. And eat shrimp as big as my head! | |
| [to Stephen] You're not taking my shot. This is my shot! | |
| I, I have to have this shot! [the crowd begins to shout indistinctly, asking for shots] | |
| [to the boys] Grab the vaccines. I think we better get outta here. [the crowd tries to break into the house] | |
| A Tutornon lesson. A Hollywood sign covered in blood is shown. | |
| This is a fact. We are all being controlled by an elite, wealthy, and privileged few. [Jeffrey Epstein is shown handcuffed and carried by the police] When Jeffrey Epstein the billionaire was found guilty of sex trafficking, he was set to squeal on all the elites in Hollywood and in Washington who used his child sex services... [Jeffrey Epstein is then shown hanged in his cell] But Epstein was found dead in his cell from "suicide". Why do the elites want children from sex traffickers? Adrenochrome. [a plastic bag of it is shown] It is harvested from children for a euphoric and life-enhancing benefit. [a child victim is shown being sawed to bits by one doctor while another operate on his brain, while being supervised a group of hooded monk-like men - these are acolytes] This Satanic cabal of Hollywood and political elites all need the adrenochrome to maintain their positions of power. [Oprah is shown, holding a big goblet of blood in her hands, enjoying it, while a victim child is shown behind her, having been gutted] And they will continue to do so until we stand up against them. [Hillary and a random elderly guy are shown drinking the blood of their victims through straws, while their acolytes collect the blood of a child in the back; Obama is then shown directly drinking blood from a cut victim; Craig's room is then shown with the tutor sitting next to him] Now, do you have any questions, Craig? | |
| Um... so does Oprah drink the same blood as Obama, or is it usually a different kid? | |
| It's kids from all over the world. Now... it's time for me to tell you the biggest thing that the Hollywood elites don't want you to know -- [Mr. Garrison forcefully opens the door; he's accompanied by Mr. Service] | |
| Alright, just what the hell do you think you're doing?! | |
| [surprised] Oh! [stands up] | |
| Go tutor someone else! You think you can take my students from my classroom?! | |
| [in shock] Oh, my God! It's you! [smiles] | |
| That's right, it's me! The head teacher at South Park Elementary! And this is what I think of private tutors! Get her, Mr. Service! [Mr. Service starts beating her and pins her to the floor, strangling her neck] Now who's in charge of all you tutors?! | |
| [choking] It's... it's secret... | |
| Choke her out, Mr. Service! | |
| No! Please! | |
| Who started this bogus tutoring company?! | |
| [still choking] It was... it... | |
| I'm listening! | |
| It was... the Whitessss. [Mr. Service stops from strangling her; she remains unconscious] | |
| The Whites? That guy was harassing me at the grocery store! Come on, Mr. Service. It's time to deal with the Whites. [Mr. Garrison leaves along with Mr. Service; Craig remained shocked through the entire scene] | |
| [sighs] I guess 2021 is gonna be just like 2020. | |
| Raisins, broken down and abandoned. The boys are hiding inside with the vaccines. Stan is looking out the window. | |
| All good? | |
| [walking up to Kyle] I don't see anybody. I think we're safe here until school starts in the morning. | |
| (We're actually gonna sleep here?) | |
| I don't see what choice we have. | |
| [looking at his phone] Oh, my God. | |
| [turns to look at Cartman] What? | |
| [looks up at the boys] You guys, oh my God, seriously. | |
| [irritated] What? | |
| [stands up] You guys know Mr. Lawson? Jenny Lawson's dad? | |
| (Yeah?) | |
| [points to his phone] He's offering us 2,000 bucks for a vaccination. | |
| [angrily] What are you doing? | |
| Dude, people really want their shot. I'm asking around to see what they're willing to pay for it. I'm a little Harvey Weinstein. | |
| [points outside] We are giving these to the teachers at the school! | |
| Kyle, this is what our broship needs! We can sell these and go on vacations together, go to shows and theme parks! | |
| [glaring at Cartman] What the broship needs is for us to do the right thing and fix the problem of everyone hating us! [the rest of the boys are silent for a moment] Right, Stan? | |
| I say we take the vaccines ourselves. I mean, why are us kids last? This whole pandemic has been about doing what's best for adults. Maybe for the broship we do what's best for us. | |
| What's best for us is thousands of dollars. That's always what's best! | |
| [angrily] You guys are being selfish! You're not thinking about what's best for the broship. You're thinking about what's best for you. We did all this because we wanted to fix the damage of the period prank. That means taking these to the school tomorrow morning for our teachers. [walks up to the tray with the vaccines; he picks it up] I'm gonna put these somewhere safe so no one gets tempted to do the wrong thing! | |
| [looks at Stan] I don't know why you don't stand up to him more, it's really disappointing. | |
| Stan stares after Cartman as he walks away. Kyle enters the back room, carrying the tray with the vaccines. His cellphone rings. He sets the vaccines on a stool. | |
| [looking at his phone] Oh, crap. [he taps his phone screen] Hey, dad. Look, I'm okay. I won't be home until tomorrow 'cause... well, I'm doing something really important. | |
| [nonchalant] Oh, okay, Kyle. Sounds good! Thanks, buddy! | |
| [confused] You're not... worried? | |
| Hey, we trust you, Kyle! [pause] Say, Kyle, we heard you have some COVID-19 vaccinations. | |
| [annoyed] They're for our teachers. | |
| Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. You know, if you think your teacher is worth saving more than us... | |
| It's not like that. | |
| Well, it sounds like that! Sounds like your teacher's life is more important than your mom and dad's! [camera turns to Kyle, looking annoyed as he listens on his phone] You know, when all this went down, the school wasn't really there for you, was it? [Kyle rests his head on the wall in frustration] School kind of abandoned you kids. But your parents, well... we didn't shove you off into a Zoom meeting, did we? | |
| Dad, please don't- | |
| You know, we're not spring chickens anymore. [his voice saddens] The virus is still out there, Kyle, and it's still killing people. I don't know how you'd feel if mom or me got COVID and died in these last few months because you did nothing. Don't do nothing, Kyle. You know what, Kyle? | |
| [closing his eyes] Please don't say it. | |
| Silence is violence, Kyle. Don't kill mom, buddy. [he hangs up] | |
| [lowers his phone] Shit. | |
| Whites' residence, night time. The family is eating dinner when the doorbell rings. | |
| Go get that will you, Crystal? [Crystal gets up and opens the front door; Mr. Garrison and Mr. Service are there] | |
| Who is it, sweetheart? | |
| It's the savior of our country and still president of the United States who was impeached unjustly. | |
| [angry] Get them, Mr. Service! | |
| [Mr. Service lunges at her and she screams] Aah! | |
| [The family is now tied up in the living room] What's this all about? Did we do something wrong? | |
| [turning to face the family] God damn right you did something wrong! Our public school system is dying and you tutors are trying to take advantage of it! | |
| But we were just trying to be like you! | |
| You'll never be like me! I've been a teacher for 30 years! I'm just trying to get my old life back and assholes keep getting in my way! | |
| But we have to tell children the truth! They have to know! | |
| They have to know what!? | |
| About-- about the whole thing! About the vaccinations! That the pandemic was blown out of proportion! | |
| That Venezuelan socialists switched out circuit boards from voting machines in 12 states! | |
| Good, sweetie! [he looks back up at Mr. Garrison] Don't you understand everything is being manipulated! | |
| [turns around] Everyone's being manipulated... So that's why everyone in town is being such an inconsiderate jerk about me coming back? | |
| Yes. They don't want people to like you. They need people to hate you! | |
| Who are they? | |
| They're the elites. They do whatever they want and they feed on the pain and torture of children! And if anybody starts to care, they'll just cut us off when we tell the truth! And the truth is that -- [scene cuts away] | |
| Raisins, morning time. Kyle is in the back room. He pours two of the vaccines into a cup and refills them with Cactus Cooler, looking around to make sure he isn't seen. Stan appears in the background suddenly. | |
| Kyle? [Kyle, startled, drops the can of Cactus Cooler and tries to hide the vaccine] What are you doing? | |
| [panicked] I'm just getting things ready to go. | |
| [walking towards Kyle] So then why are you replacing some of the vaccines with Cactus Cooler? | |
| Alright, Stan, look. It's just the pressure of everything, okay!? My dad called and... I don't want my mom to die. | |
| [angry] I don't want my mom to die either! I can't believe that you would lie to me. That you would hide shit from me. | |
| [walking into the doorway] (Hey, guys, what's going on?) | |
| [he and Stan look away] Nothing, Kenny. Everything's fine. | |
| [still looking angry] Yeah, we're gonna go to the school now, buddy. | |
| (Okay.) [he walks away] | |
| [walking towards Kyle] I'm just gonna try and pretend this didn't happen. But only because it's what's best for Kenny. [he turns and walks away] | |
| South Park Elementary, daytime. The boys are walking towards the school with the vaccines. | |
| I can't believe we're actually doing this. There are people out there who really need these vaccines -- who have cash. | |
| I just want this over with. Let's get these stupid things to the teachers and go home. | |
| Scott Malkinson jumps into frame, blocking the boys. | |
| I don't think so, Kommunity Kidz! You're not poisoning anybody with those vaccinations! | |
| The fuck are you talking about, Scott? | |
| I've learned the truth! And I won't let you hurt the teacher! | |
| We don't have time for this, Scott. [the boys walk towards Scott Malkinson] | |
| You don't understand! I'm part of a militant group now! A secret cabal of patriot children! [he unzips his jacket, revealing a Lil' Qties shirt underneath] Lil' Qties! | |
| Lil' Qties? With a "Q" and an apostrophe after the "L"? That's way better than Kommunity Kids, guys. I told you, we're getting lazy. | |
| [pulls out a walkie talkie] Move in on my position, Qties! | |
| A large group of students move into frame, all wearing Lil' Qties shirts. | |
| You're not hurting our teacher again! | |
| You don't even know what those vaccines are doing to people! | |
| For the past year, our feelings and our needs have been put dead last! Do you guys really trust anybody anymore? | |
| Yeah! | |
| Butters? [points to Butters] You're a part of this too? | |
| I just wanted to believe in something that would get me out of the house! I didn't give a shit what it was. | |
| Now just put down the vaccines and walk away, Kommunity Kidz. | |
| Look, you guys have a right to say and believe whatever you want, okay? But what you believe is really stupid. | |
| We'll see who's stupid! [runs towards Stan, punching him in the face] | |
| The boys fight with the Lil' Qties, shouting at each other. Butters runs around waving an American flag. The scene cuts away to a breaking news broadcast. | |
| Tom, I'm standing outside South Park Elementary, where the Kommunity Kidz were set to distribute vaccines to the public. That's when a rival gang showed up and tried to stop them, and the fighting is still going on now. [camera pans towards the fighting] You can see behind me most of the damage is done, but it is still raging on, Tom. You can see this awful gang is trying to stop the Kommunity Kidz, just because the Kommunity Kidz believe in something and actually -- and actually care! They care enough to do something! | |
| Yeah, that's basically what the Lil' Qties are doing too, right, Chris? | |
| What do you mean, Tom? | |
| Well, the Kommunity Kidz are acting on something they believe in and so are the Lil' Qties, am I right? What is the difference? | |
| Oh, yeah, well, the difference, Tom, is that you're a giant piece of shit. That's the fucking difference! | |
| Okay, let's just -- | |
| You're gonna even remotely defend these monsters when Kommunity Kidz are promoting change, just -- Fuck you, Tom! I'm out! [he walks off screen, leaving Tom looking bewildered] | |
| The boys are still fighting when Kyle breaks away, suddenly pointing at something. | |
| Oh no! Oh, Jesus, look! [a crowd of adults are running towards South Park Elementary school] | |
| This is my shot! | |
| My shot! | |
| [grab the vaccines] We got to get outta here! | |
| Mr. Garrison and Mr. Service are led into the Whites' basement by Bob. | |
| [walking down the stairs] Come on! I can show you my Q headquarters! | |
| [looking around] Jesus, you people really take this seriously. | |
| Vaccinations are nothing more than a way for the elite and powerful to control us. [camera pans across Bob's bulletin board] We've been trying to warn everyone, and then Q released a new post saying the most important day woud be March 4th. At first it didn't make sense. Nothing's happening on March 4th! Until I saw a Super Bowl ad for a new streaming service which launched on March 4th! Streaming is also the term used for nano-technology microchips invented by Bill Gates that are being put into a liquid and then shot into people's arms as a vaccine! | |
| Who the hell is doing all this? | |
| The Hollywood elites! [camera once again pans over the bulletin board, showing different pictures of famous celebrities] All of them, rich, powerful people who got to where they were by drinking adrenochrome from tortured children! Anyone who gets vaccinated is going to be tracked and manipulated for the rest of their lives. | |
| I got an e-mail that all teachers are about to be vaccinated at the school! You're telling me they're all going to become mindless zombies who are fine with child murder? | |
| Yes! | |
| Aw geez, we gotta get to the school! [both of them run towards the exit] | |
| I'll let all the other 'anons know! [he opens up a cabinet containing a variety of different guns] We'll put a stop to this once and for all! [he arms himself and hands a gun to Mr. Garrison] Let's do this! | |
| Suddenly the guns glow red before vanishing out of this air. | |
| Hey! What the hell just happened? | |
| It's the Hollywood elites! They're on to us! Come on! [they both run off-screen before reappearing a moment later in an arctic landscape] | |
| [looking around] Oh, my holy Jesus! | |
| [shouting] Don't want the truth coming out, huh? Damn you! We'll get to the school! You can't stop us! | |
| South Park Elementary principal's office. Mrs. Nelson is pacing across the room. | |
| I'm sorry for wasting everyone's time. I don't know why I believed them when they said they had vaccinations. [she begins to cry] I don't know why I believe anything anymore. [her phone starts ringing; she answers] Yes? | |
| The boys are sitting at a bridge with the vaccines, looking defeated. | |
| Hi, Mrs. Nelson! How are you? | |
| Cut the crap! You said you'd be here at 7:00 AM! | |
| And, you know, we just ran into a little hiccup, so we wanted to see if you could meet us somewhere else for the vaccine. | |
| [angry] Oh, no. I knew this was a prank. You're not tricking me into going anywhere! | |
| No, no, Mrs. Nelson, it's not a prank! Okay, fine, we'll be there, okay? Just sit tight. [he hangs up] | |
| [angry] What was that!? You know we can't get into the school! | |
| She's not gonna come meet us, Kyle! | |
| You didn't even try! [looks to Stan]. He didn't try because he wants to sell the vaccines for money! | |
| [glares at Kyle] And what about you, Kyle? You were the one trying to take vaccines for yourself this morning! | |
| He what?! | |
| Wow. Okay. I thought we had gotten past that, but -- | |
| Look, let's just face it, you guys. We don't trust each other and we don't like each other. We can't keep pretending. | |
| Are you seriously saying what I think? | |
| Alright, guys. I guess it's time we all had the talk we never wanted to have. [he looks at Kenny] Kenny, you wanna go get on your iPad for a minute? | |
| (What? No, I wanna hear this!) | |
| We just -- we really need to talk for a second, Kenny. Look, I downloaded Madagascar 3. You wanna watch with your Troll headphones? [he offers the iPad and headphones to Kenny] | |
| (Yeah, okay.) [he takes the iPad and walks away] | |
| Look, it's been a hard year. And I think for some people there's just no going back. | |
| I've been trying as hard as I can to hold things together, but I have to admit... I'm just going through the "brotions." | |
| We can't just force things for Kenny's sake. It's not good for us and it's not good for him. [he turns around, taking his hands out of his pockets and resting against the wall] | |
| [lifts the cooler with the vaccines] We still have a bunch of vaccines here. What happens now? | |
| I think I have a plan. | |
| Scene cuts to a news broadcast. | |
| And explosive powder keg of humanity is set to go off at South Park Elementary! [camera cuts to the chaos unfolding at the school] Thousands of people have turned up to get their shot -- that one shot that could change everything. But also in the crowd are several people who want to stop those vaccines from happening. At the center of it all -- that amazing group of kids who are just taking the time for what they believe is right. I'm talking, of course, about the Lil' Qties. A group of youngsters that believe vaccines are harmful -- | |
| [cutting him off] Yeah -- yeah, I see what you did there, Tom. That's real fucking cute. | |
| I'm not trying to be cute. I'm saying if these kids really believe the horrific things they believe, then they'd be bad people not to go out and do something about it, wouldn't they? | |
| [waving his arm dismissively] Yes, that's totally true if you're a corrupt dickhead without morals. You gotta be fucking -- | |
| Okay, okay, Chris, let's just get back to the weather. | |
| Yeah, let's get back to the weather, you c***. | |
| The arctic. Mr. Garrison, Bob White, and Mr. Service are walking through the snow. | |
| [he looks back at Mr. Service, who is lagging behind] Come on, Mr. Service, we have to get back to the school! | |
| [his hands are covering his groin] My... My balls are freezing, sir. | |
| [turns back to Bob White] Mr. Service's balls are freezing! | |
| [turns to face them] Don't give in to them! They're trying to make a joke of everything! That's what they do! | |
| How do the elites control Mr. Service's balls? | |
| You still don't get it, do you?! They don't just drink adrenochrome, they run the show! The whole damn show! [a cursor appears suddenly, messing with Bob's appearance] It come down to two people -- [he realizes what's happening to him] Oh, you don't like that, do you?! That's getting a little close to home, huh?! You can't control me anymore, you sons of bitches! [the cursor continues to alter Bob in various ways] They're making fun of me to try and discredit my beliefs! [he is transformed into an obese woman wearing a dress, then a large penis] Oh, you don't like that, do you!? Don't want the world to know that! | |
| [he turns around] Listen! Listen, whoever you are! I don't give a shit what you do! | |
| What?! What are you saying?! | |
| Please! I just want my old life back! | |
| No, stop! They're monsters! | |
| I don't care what you do to kids, I just want people to like me again! | |
| You son of a bitch! Aah! [he runs towards Mr. Garrison] | |
| Aah! Mr. Service! | |
| Suddenly the show freezes. The whole frame turns, revealing multiple layers of animation. | |
| [pacing forward and back] Ah, oh, okay, what the hell is this? Hey, come back! | |
| The frame turns, everything returning to normal, albeit mirrored. | |
| How would you like to make a deal? | |
| [grunts] Aah! Aah! [the cursor shrinks him down. Mr. Garrison walks up to him to see what happened; he has been transformed into Mr. Hat] | |
| A drawing of South Park Elementary and all the people outside is seen in frame. | |
| Alright, here's the situation -- [he points to the drawing of the school with a red marker] All of our teachers are inside the school, surrounded now by at least 400 to 500 people who want a shot. [he circles the crowd] The Lil' Qties are stationed throughout and we... [he circles the drawing of the boys] And we are no longer bros. The magic is gone and we are through, is that right? [camera turns to reveal Stan and Kyle sitting at a table] | |
| Yup. | |
| Uh huh. | |
| But we all want what's best for Kenny, so we have to find a way to compromise and move on with our lives. So how do we do it? We use... a 2-2-3. [he flips the page, revealing a calendar with a schedule written on it] Kyle, you have Kenny for two days starting on Monday. I have Kenny Thursday and Friday, and then, Stan, you get him for the weekend. Then we switch where I have Kenny starting Monday, Stan gets two days and Kyle gets a weekend. | |
| Do we really have to do this? That- that all seems overly confusing. | |
| Okay, so we can go alternating weeks -- [he flips the page] Each one of us has Kenny for six days and then we rotate. | |
| A week is a long time for Kenny to be with one person. | |
| [flips page] Alternating weeks with a midweek visit. We have longer stretches, but a change for a break. | |
| Aw, come on. What about sleepovers? We can't take those away from Kenny. | |
| [flips page] Alternating weeks with midweek overnight. | |
| It would be easier if I just knew I always had Kenny on certain days. | |
| [flips page] 3-3-4-4 rotation. Makes everyone's days consistent -- oh, hang on on a second, guys. [he opens the door to check on Kenny, who is sitting in the hallway] Everything okay, buddy? | |
| [he looks up from his iPad] (Yeah, what's going on?) | |
| We're almost done in here, Kenny. You liking that birthday cake-flavored ice cream? | |
| (Yeah, it's fine, but I --) | |
| [cuts him off] Okay, you're doing great, pal. [he shuts the door] The 3-3-4-4 is the most consistent, but to change weekends, we would need... [flips page] the 2-2-5-5 rotation, where the weekends can actually fluctuate. | |
| I don't even know what to say... | |
| Well, I say that out of all of those... the first one makes the most sense. | |
| [he flips back to the second page] The 2-2-3, I agree. This way we don't have to be bros but Kenny still has the best possible life. | |
| [he gets out of his chair] 2-2-3. That's so ridiculous... that it just might work. | |
| South Park Elementary. A news report is taking place. | |
| We've just received devastating news here at South Park Elementary. It appears that the Kommunity Kidz... are breaking up. They have asked for people to... [he reads from a sheet of paper] "Respect their privacy in these difficult times," and it appears that the strain of this pandemic, from people like you, Tom, was just too much. | |
| [rolls his eyes] Oh, here we go, here we go. | |
| Yeah, here we go!You just couldn't leave 'em alone, could you, ya prick?! | |
| Okay, let's just -- | |
| They broke up 'cause of you and your stupid -- wait. Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute, what is this? [turns to his side] Tom, one of the Kommunity Kidz has shown up to the school... with the vaccines! | |
| Kyle walks up to the school, carrying the cooler with the vaccines. | |
| Finally, I'm gonna get my shot! [the crowd starts to cheer] | |
| [the Lil' Qties group up] Alright, Qties, this is it! Prepare for the storm! [Kyle stops and looks at them] | |
| [walking up to Kyle on the left] Dude, what are you doing? You're gonna get yourself killed. | |
| [approaches Kyle on the right] This isn't our fight anymore, Kyle. | |
| We set out to do something. I'm not letting our broship fall to the pandi just yet. | |
| Alright... then let's get those vaccines to the teachers. | |
| Okay, let's do this. | |
| The boys face the crowd of Qanons, Lil Qties, and adults waiting for the vaccine. They get into battle position, with Kyle taking out a baton. | |
| [appearing suddenly] Hey! Hold on a second, everybody! [grunting, he drags behind him Bob White, who has been turned into a giant penis] I think I can help things out here! | |
| What the fuck is that? | |
| It's him! It's the Chonen One! | |
| He's come to save us all like the prophecy foretold on the internet! | |
| Wait, he's the Chosen One? | |
| Listen! Listen, everybody. I -- I think I owe you all a big apology. I came in here expecting everything to just go back to normal, but... we've all been through the proverbial butthole of hardships lately. I thought we could all just magically be friends again. But relationships are very fragile things. [Stan, Kyle, and Cartman look at each other] And in times of crises when we need each other most, it's sometimes when we grow furthest apart. But through it all, Mr. White here has taught me a very important lesson. Make sure you're on the side of the people with the most power. And so, I've worked out a deal with some pretty powerful people... [looks up at the sky] Alright, boys, do your thing! | |
| A low bass tone sounds and fireworks explode in the air. Everyone in the crowd gasps. Air Israel planes appear. | |
| It's Air Israel with enough vaccines for every adult in town! | |
| The crowd cheers, running to the plane to get vaccinated. An Israeli man begins throwing boxes full of vaccines to the citizens of South Park. They all begin to inject the vaccinations into themselves. | |
| [vaccinating himself] Hey, Garrison! Good job! | |
| Yeah! You're alright, Garrison! | |
| [laughs, putting his hands on his hips] Oh, jeez. Thanks, everybody. | |
| Well, come on you guys! Let's get inside! | |
| They run inside with the vaccines where all the teachers are waiting. | |
| Mrs. Nelson? We're here! | |
| [leaving his office] Boys! Boys, you made it! [all the other staff members walk out] | |
| Of course we made it! [motions to Stan and Kyle] 'Cause our broship can survive anything! | |
| Hello, Mrs. Nelson! [she is walking down the stairs] | |
| We got your vaccination for you, Mrs. Nelson. | |
| Boys... you really did it. I -- I can't believe it. For a while there, I thought I -- [she breaks into a coughing fit] Excuse me. I thought I wasn't gonna -- [coughs again] gosh, excuse me. [she continues coughing and gasping] | |
| Scene cuts to a funeral. Mrs. Nelson is in the coffin. Father Maxi is speaking. | |
| As a teacher, Mrs. Nelson did everything she could for her students. So it seems even more unfair that she... was just a few days late in getting the vaccine before she died of COVID. And now as Mr. Garrison takes over teaching for Mrs. Nelson permanently... [Scott Malkinson begins sobbing; Mr. Garrison is smiling] I think we should all take a moment to say... Hey! The rest of us made it, South Park! We're on the other side of this damn thing! [all the adults cheer] And so it's time for adults to screw these masks and party like it's 2021! | |
| Down By The Lazy River by the Osmonds plays over a montage of adults partying. Two citizens spit in each others' mouths. | |
| [partying in a club] Hey, look at Walgreens! Nobody's going! | |
| Yeah, that place used to be so cool and now it's lame! | |
| [selling weed at a booth] So we still have some of the pandemic special, but the vaccination special is about out! Try 'em both -- the season is about over, guys! | |
| A long line of elderly people are entering a retirement home. | |
| Back inside the retirement home, old people! All the fun places are ours again! [The elderly people groan] | |
| The boys are walking down the street, still wearing masks, while the adults party. | |
| [dancing] Adults are all vaccinated! Adults are all vaccinated! | |
| Well, I guess this is it... [turns around to face rest of the boys] | |
| Yeah. | |
| I guess it is what's best for everybody. | |
| (What are you guys talking about?) | |
| Everything's gonna be okay, Kenny. I'll see you on Monday. | |
| And I'll come pick you up on Thursday, Kenny. | |
| (Huh?) | |
| Hey, I wish you guys all the best, huh? | |
| Thanks. I'll be fine. I already have some new bros I'm hanging out with. | |
| Hey, Cartman! | |
| [turns to face Clyde] Yeah? | |
| [standing with Jimmy and an unnamed Hispanic kid] Dude, they're reopening Casa Bonita this weekend. Do you wanna come with us? | |
| [he takes off his mask] Casa Bonita?! Hell yeah, I'll come! [his face falls] Oh, wait! I can't! I have fucking Kenny this weekend! [he throws his hat onto the ground in anger] Shit! [he walks away furiously, glaring at a confused Kenny] | |
| Fourth grade classroom. Mr. Garrison opens the door and walks inside, dropping his books on his desk and taking a seat. He puts Mr. Hat on his hand, smiling. | |
| [sighs] Nice doing business with you... you little child-murdering pedophiles. [the scene cuts to black, credits roll] | |
| End of South ParQ Vaccination Special | |
| |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Story Elements |
Eric Cartman • Stan Marsh • Kyle Broflovski • Kenny McCormick • Herbert Garrison • Mr. Service • Margaret Nelson • COVID-19 Vaccine • QAnon • Tutornon • Lil' Qties • Walgreens | ||||
| Media |
Images • Script • Extras • Watch Episode | ||||
| Release | |||||