Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes

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"Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes"
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Episode no.	Season 8 Episode 9
Production no.	809
Original airdate	November 3, 2004
Episode chronology Previous Next "Douche and Turd" "Pre-School"
List of all South Park episodes

"Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes" is episode 809 of Comedy Central's South Park. This episode originally aired on November 3, 2004.

Spoiler warning! Plot details follow.

Synopsis

In order to save South Park, Stan and Kyle have to find a way to destroy the ever-expanding Wall Mart superstore while keeping Cartman from stabbing them in the back.

Plot

A Wall-Mart opens in South Park with much fanfare. Everyone in town starts shopping there, due to its bargains. This forces the local businesses to shut down, as well as making some of the now-unemployed residents work there for minimum wage. Also near the beginning of this episode Cartman bets Kyle 5 dollars that when people die they "shit their pants". Kyle agrees and the bet is on. The townspeople decide they no longer want the Wall-Mart in South Park and agree to boycott. The townspeople approach the president of the store and ask him to shut the Wall-Mart down. He responds by writing signs saying its not safe to speak within the Wall-mart and meet him outside in 5 minutes. The Wall-Mart which later is found out to be alive hangs the president making it look like suicide (This turns out to be somewhat a failure because the president screamed before smashing through a window.). He then "shits his pants" after his death. Cartman approaches Kyle and says "Ha! You owe me 5 bucks Kyle." The townspeople then decide to burn it down (While singing Kum-Bai-Yah), only to see it rebuilt. A man rebuilding the Wall-Mart tells Kyle, Stan, and Kenny that the rebuilding order came from the "higher-ups" in Bentonville, Arkansas. The three of them then travel to Bentonville to stop the Wall-Mart. The Wall-Mart then starts "speaking" to Cartman, telling him his friends are trying to destroy it. He catches up with the other boys at a bus station, where he consorts with them, despite "working with the Wall-Mart" to stop them from succeeding. Cartman first tries to stop them by slashing the bus' tires, but they still reach Bentonville. They reach Wall-Mart HQ where they find out they need to talk to Harvey Brown, the current president of Wall-Mart. The boys ask him how they can stop it, and he tells them they need to find and destroy its "heart". As the boys leave, Brown turns to the boys, puts a gun to his head, says "boys, tell the world I'm sorry," and pulls the trigger. He then dies and "shits his pants". Cartman responds by saying "Ha! That's ten bucks you owe me dickface!"

They make it back to South Park, and are about to enter it when Cartman confronts them with a knife in his hand, and says "Wall-Mart is a great store, I cannot let you fools ruin its terrific bargains. You see, I was working for Wall-Mart all along!" Kyle then tells him he knew that he was, and a "Yes I did" "No you didn't" argument ensues. Kenny is then assigned to hold Cartman off while Stan and Kyle enter the Wall-Mart. Once in the Wall-Mart, they find Stan's father, who tells them they need to go to the television department, and they will need his keys. Immediately, Randy succumbs to Wall-Mart's bargains. He finally caves in to a screwdriver set which is "only $9.98," telling him the bargain is too great. He gives the boys his keys, and the two head for the television department. Once they arrive, they are confronted by a man who says he is Wall-Mart. After a confusing dialogue, he finally tells the boys that the heart "lies beyond that plasma screen television". The boys walk over to find it is a mirror, to which the Wall-Mart responds, "yes, don't you see? That is the heart of Wall-Mart. You. The consumer. I take many forms, Wall-Mart, Kmart, Target, but I am one single entity: desire". The boys then smash the mirror to "destroy the heart." The actual building of Wall-Mart then begins to fall apart, and the man who says he is Wall-Mart starts to laugh diabolically. Everyone evacuates the Wall-Mart as it implodes in a similar fashion (and possible reference) to the house from the movie Poltergeist. After the Wall-Mart disappears, it "shits its pants". Cartman then laughs because of the fact that Kyle now owes him 15 dollars and he now knows that when stores die they "shit their pants". Randy then gives a speech about how the Wall-Mart was "us", and that if they want to keep the small town charm, they need to spend a little more. Jimbo then says they should all shop at Jim's Drug down the street. The store is seen with people streaming in and out of it, and a time lapse shows the store getting bigger and bigger as the number of people grows, its final look resembling the Wall-Mart. The final part of the episode shows Jim's Drugs being burned down, as Randy then says "All right, let's not make that mistake again," to which Mr. Garrison responds "yeah, let's go shop over at True Value!" as everyone goes with him.

References

"[[Douche and Turd]]"

"Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes"

"[[Pre-School]]"