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Douche and Turd "Douche and Turd" "Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes" "Pre-School" Pre-School
"Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes"
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Episode no. Season 8
Episode 9
Production no. 809
Original airdate November 3, 2004
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"Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes" is the ninth episode of Season Eight, and the 120th overall episode of South Park. It was aired on November 3, 2004.[1]


In order to save South Park, Stan and Kyle have to find a way to destroy the ever-expanding Wall-Mart superstore while keeping Cartman from stabbing them in the back.[1]


SPW pic -- Spoiler Spoiler warning!
Plot details follow.

The boys are hanging out in town when Cartman decides to share with them that he heard when people die, they "shit their pants". Kyle finds the idea ludicrous, but Cartman says he'll bet five dollars on it. Mr. Garrison then appears and tells the boys and townspeople that "it's time" and for everyone to rush over to Metzger's Field. As the townspeople gather, they witness the opening of a new Wall-Mart to much fanfare and all immediately start shopping there, enjoying its bargains and low prices, with Marvin Marsh and Jimmy Valmer as employees. Kyle expresses doubts about the Wall-Mart, but the townspeople all seem to love it, with Cartman defending it particularly. Randy Marsh is also particularly drawn with it, even sneaking in at late hours for last-minute deals and buying in bulk.

The next morning, Kyle suggests the boys follow him to Jim's Drugs RX to support local business instead, to Cartman's chagrin, only to find the store close. They soon find that most of Main Street is empty and shut down, including Tom's Rhinoplasty and that the area is uninhabited, as everyone is shopping at Wall-Mart instead. (Butters decides to play 'monster' there because it is so spooky.) After coming home to find Randy passing out from overshopping, the boys convince the townspeople not to shop at Wall-Mart in South Park anymore and agree to a boycott. They approach the president of the store and ask him to shut the Wall-Mart because so many are losing their jobs. He responds by defending the Wall-Mart verbally, suggesting it is watching them, but writing signs saying its not safe to speak within the Wall-Mart and meet him outside in five minutes. As they leave his office, however, he hangs himself in what appears to be suicide, and he "shits his pants" confirming Cartman's theory, to which he gloats that Kyle owes him five bucks.

The townspeople then decide to burn the Wall-Mart down (While singing "Kumbaya"), only to see it rebuilt the next day as if nothing happened. A construction worker rebuilding the Wall-Mart tells Kyle, Stan, and Kenny that the rebuilding order came from the "higher-ups" in Bentonville, Arkansas. The three of them then travel to Bentonville to stop the Wall-Mart and talk to corporate. The local Wall-Mart then starts "speaking" to Cartman, telling him his friends are trying to destroy it. He catches up with the other boys at a bus station, pretending he will consort with them, but only to stop them from succeeding, though Kyle is aware of this. Cartman first tries to stop them by slashing the bus' tires, but they still reach Bentonville. They reach Wall-Mart HQ where they find out they need to talk to Harvey Brown, the current president of Wall-Mart. The boys ask him how they can stop it, and he tells them they need to find and destroy its "heart". As the boys leave, Brown turns to the boys, puts a gun to his head, says, "boys, tell the world I'm sorry," and pulls the trigger. He then dies and "shits his pants". Cartman responds by saying, "Ha! That's ten bucks you owe me dickface!"

The boys make it back home to the dilapidated South Park which is about to become a jobless ghost town with Kyle, Stan, and Kenny dressed like the Frog Brothers from The Lost Boys. The Boys are about to enter the store to find 'the heart' when Cartman confronts them with a knife in his hand, and claims he will not let them ruin the store with its "terrific bargains" and declares he was working with it all along. Kyle then tells him he knew that he was, and a "Yes I did" "No you didn't" argument ensues. Kenny is then assigned to hold Cartman off while Stan and Kyle enter the Wall-Mart. Once inside, they find Randy, holding an axe that is on sale, who tries to help and tells them they need to go to the television department, and they will need his keys. Almost immediately after, Randy succumbs to Wall-Mart's bargains, finally caving in to a screwdriver set which is "only $9.98," telling him the bargain is too great. He gives the boys his keys, and the two head for the television department to find the heart.

Arriving there, Stan and Kyle are confronted by a man who says he is Wall-Mart. After a confusing dialogue, he finally tells the boys that the heart "lies beyond that plasma screen television". The boys walk over to find it is a mirror, to which the Wall-Mart responds, "yes, don't you see? That is the heart of Wall-Mart. You. The consumer. I take many forms, Wall-Mart, Kmart, Target, but I am one single entity: desire". The boys then smash the mirror to "destroy the heart." The actual building of Wall-Mart then begins to fall apart, and the man who says he is Wall-Mart starts to laugh diabolically. Everyone evacuates the Wall-Mart as it implodes in a similar fashion to the house from the movie Poltergeist. After the Wall-Mart disappears, it "shits its pants". Cartman then laughs because of the fact that Kyle now owes him 15 dollars and he now knows that when stores die they "shit their pants". Randy then gives a speech about how the Wall-Mart was "us", and that if they want to keep the small town charm, they need to spend a little more. Jimbo then says they should all shop at Jim's Drugs down the street. The store is seen with people streaming in and out of it, and a time lapse shows the store getting bigger and bigger as the number of people grows, its final look resembling the Wall-Mart. The final part of the episode shows Jim's Drugs being burned down, as Randy then says "All right, let's not make that mistake again," to which Mr. Garrison responds "yeah, let's go shop over at True Value!" as everyone goes with him, suggesting the cycle will continue.


  809: "Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes" edit
Story Elements

Wall-MartBentonvilleStark's Pond • "Kumbaya"


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