This page lists all notable quotes voiced out by Professor Chaos in South Park: The Fractured But Whole.

Overview

Professor Chaos dedicates himself to spreading chaos, which is reflected in his quotes. However, he also acts caring towards his allies.

Field/Story

  • During The Hundred Hands of Chaos
    • "Well, well, you actually made it to the end, Coon Friends."
  • During The Chaos Gambit
    • "That's like a new electric lock my dad put on the door cuz once, when I was grounded, I tried to leave to go to the bathroom."
    • "I gotta get outta here before my dad regains consciousness."
  • During Bring the Crunch
    • "Real blood?! You mean this is really real? Oh, god, we're all gonna die!"
    • "HOLY SHIT! What the fuck was that?!"
    • "Timmy, how could you!"
  • When using Haywire
    • Appearing to The New Kid
      • "CHAOS!"
      • "Here comes the CHAOS!"
      • "WHO SUMMONS CHAOS? Oh, hey there, New Kid."
    • Appearing to The New Kid in master bedroom of Butters' House
      • "Whoa uh...I'm not supposed to be in here, but OK!"
    • Appearing to The New Kid in Forensics Room of Park County Police station
      • "Oh jeez! You didn't do all that, did you, New Kid?"
    • Appearing to The New Kid in laboratory of Mephesto Genetics Lab
      • "Oh jeez New Kid, you're in quite a pickle!"
    • Stuffing the Flying Minion into The New Kid's rear
      • "Come here little guy!"
      • "There there, minion..."
      • "In you go."
      • "C'mere little minion..."
    • If failed
      • "Aw, hamburgers!"
      • "Try aiming for the wires, New Kid."
      • "Poor little guy. Looks like he died for nothing."
      • "Muwahaha! Hitting next to the target is the essence of Chaos!"
      • "I'm sorry! I'll put it in better next time!"
    • After successfully using Haywire
      • "Oh wow!"
    • Leaving
      • "Chaos is its own reward!"
      • "Mwahaha, bye!"
      • "See ya!"
      • "Bye!"
    • Leaving master bedroom of Butters' House
      • "OK, I'm outta here, bye!"
    • Leaving Forensics Room of Park County Police station
      • "OK, I'm gonna get out of here now."
    • Leaving laboratory of Mephesto Genetics Lab
      • "Good luck fixing that tram so that we can all live!"
  • Female New Kid idle
    • "Hey, Butthole. Anyone told you for a boy, you're kinda pretty?"
  • Talked to
    • "CHAOS!"
  • Talked to, after completing The Chaos Gambit
    • "Muahahah! Everything is going acording to plan."
    • "Joining Freedom Pals sure was the right decision, eh New Kid?"
    • "Can you believe this place, New Kid? Freedom Pals don't mess around!"
  • Taking a selfie with the New Kid
    • "Wuh huh huh... the Professor will gladly selfie with his new ally!"
  • After selfie
    • "Wuahahaha - what a CHAOTIC portrait!!"
  • After selfie with Final Girl New Kid
    • "Chaos and Final Girl, BFFs."
  • Attacked
    • "Hey c'mon, no horseplay."
    • "C'mon stop it."
    • "Quit it!"
    • "You have annoyed Professor Chaos!"
  • Farted on
    • "No thank you."
    • "Oh jeez!"
    • "Oh my!"
  • Farted on, The Chaos Gambit
    • "Well, I appreciate you tryin' to cheer me up, New Kid, but it ain't workin' too good."

Battle

  • Selected
    • "Oh hamburgers!"
    • "Muahahahahahahaha!"
    • "PROFESSOR CHAOS!"
  • Battle start
    • "Oh, it looks like a rumble!"
    • "I feel a lot of Chaos comin' on!"
    • "Minions, assemble!"
  • Battle start, first battle versus Chaos Kids
    • "You're no match for my army, Coon Friends!"
  • Battle start with Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme
    • "Meet your Mecha Supreme doom!"
  • Battle start, The Invitation
    • "WAHAHA, Chaos's money goes only to his minions' competitive healthcare plans!"
  • Battle start, versus Shub-Niggurath
  • Turn start
    • "Bad news, villains: I'm a good guy now."
    • "Chaos is coming for you!"
    • "Muwahahaha!! Remember this day, for it is the day you die!"
    • "I'm pretty sure I'm up, fellas."
    • "Prepare to suffer, fools!"
    • "Chaos is on the rise!"
    • "Prepare for maximum Chaos!"
    • "Prepare for your doom!"
    • "Oh, boy! Some serious havoc is about to be wreaked!"
    • "Oh, here I go, guys, make some room!"
  • Turn start versus Stephen Stotch
    • "Hey dad, you may have noticed but I'm kind of a superhero now."
    • "Now if I hurt you, Dad, it's Professor Chaos doing it, not your son, now."
  • Turn start versus Spontaneous Bootay
    • "We better get to that shed or we're toast, you guys!"
  • Turn start versus the Zarganor, first phase
    • "Wow, this is a real pickle."
  • Turn start versus the Zarganor, second phase
    • "I'm probably gonna have bad dreams about this bad dream."
    • "I don't think I like being in Doctor Timothy's brain."
    • "Doctor Timothy doesn't look so good, you guys."
  • Turn start versus Milk Monsters
    • "I'm definitely gonna have nightmares about milk monsters, you guys!"
  • Ally turn start versus Spontaneous Bootay
    • "Keep going! I don't wanna die!"
    • "If we can make it to that shed, maybe we'll live!"
    • "Oh jeez, we definitely can't handle this bootay!"
    • "Oh gosh, its just too Bootaylicious!"
  • New Kid turn start versus Monsters
    • "New Kid, please do something to get rid of these monsters..."
  • Monster turn start, first battle against Monsters
    • "Man, these things are scary!"
  • Idle
    • "Oh hamburgers, sorry for making you wait. I'm sure I'll attack soon!"
    • "Hmmm... Who to attack for great Chaos..."
    • "I shall resume spreading Chaos shortly, I promise!"
  • Self or ally idle
    • "Gee, I wonder how my minions are doing."
    • "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
  • After attacking Almighty King Douchebag
    • "Stupid king!"
  • Using Chaos Blast
    • "For Chaos!"
    • "Chaos!"
  • After using Chaos Blast
    • "I'm workin' the Chaos guys, isn't this fun?"
    • "Plenty more Chaos where that came from!"
    • "Oh yeah, that's some good Chaos right there."
  • After using Chaos Blast on the Zarganor
    • "Have a taste of chaos, you mean alien!"
  • After using Chaos Blast or Chaos Confuse-O-Tron
    • "There shall be no order from Chaos, do you hear me?"
  • After using Chaos Confuse-O-Tron
    • "Bet you can feel the Chaos now!"
    • "This plan is foolproof!"
    • "Wait for it..."
    • "It's about to get a lot more shocking in here!"
    • "Oh, watch this you guys, this is gonna be so good!"
  • Using Chaos Minion
    • "Go forth, minion!"
    • "Get to work, minion!"
    • "¡Vámonos!"
    • "Get 'em!"
    • "You're on the clock, minion!"
  • Ultimate ready
    • "Hey, fellas? Wanna see my Hammer of Chaos? It's pretty neat."
    • "My Hammer is ready to bring Chaos to all who defy me!"
    • "It is time to unleash my greatest weapon, the Hammer of Chaos!"
  • After ally attacking
    • "Gee whiz, that must've hurt bad!"
    • "You've made the world a better place...for Chaos!"
    • "The forces of Chaos are smiling upon you!"
    • "Yes... Feel the Chaos flowing through you..."
  • After Call Girl using Flash Mob or Phone Destroyer
    • "Oh, man! That was super cool!"
  • After Fastpass attacking
    • "Wish I could move like that when my dad is in one of his moods..."
  • After Fastpass using Hit and Run
    • "Oh, wow! Oh, jeez! You guys see that?"
  • After Human Kite using Laser Burn
    • "Whoa! Excellently smote, Human Kite!"
  • After Mintberry Crunch using Berry Blast
    • "All that mint and berry's gonna make everybody all sticky."
  • After Mosquito attacking
    • "I always thought mosquitoes were pretty neat."
    • "I like your style. Care to join my minions?"
  • After Mosquito using Skeeter Swarm
    • "Muahahaha! Embrace the Chaos! Really just hug the crap out of it!"
  • After New Kid attacking
    • "Real nice one, New Kid!"
    • "That's my Butthole! Um, our Butthole, I mean."
    • "I bet your parents are super proud of you."
    • "Hmm, I like the way you make Chaos!"
  • After New Kid using Backfire Blast
    • "Behold as our enemies barf and burn in fear of your ass-blast!"
  • After New Kid using Dragon Swagger
    • "Oh, I think you made 'em mad, New Kid."
  • After New Kid using Elemental Onslaught
    • "Gee, you really know how to use that, New Kid!"
    • "Muhahaha! What a perfect shitstorm, ButtLord!"
  • After New Kid using Final Vengeance, Final Girl tutorial battle
    • "Holy crap, that's dangerous!"
  • After Toolshed using Drillslinger
    • "Dad doesn't let me watch him play with his tools."
  • After Super Craig attacking
    • "Guys, guys, Super Craig is doing some super-cool stuff!"
  • After Super Craig using Shining Hate Finger
    • "You are capable of some grade-A Chaos when you put your mind on it."
  • After Tupperware using Tupper Tornado
    • "Well, that was some state-of-the-art butt-whipping!"
  • After Wonder Tweek using Supreme Lightning and Icicle Strike
    • "The forecast calls for scattered showers...with a chance of Chaos!"
  • After Wonder Tweek using Icicle Strike
    • "Oh, wow! I'd hate to be that guy's underpants!"
  • Fastpass defeated, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
    • "Well, that sure was fast."
  • Mosquito defeated, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
    • "Behold, minions! They let their weakest behind to die pitifully..."
  • After a Timefart Glitch
    • "Sorry about your turn."
  • After a Timefart Pause
    • "Oh c'mon, it didn't smell that bad."
  • After a Timefart Summon
    • "Oh, Fartlord's got a minion now. Neato!"
    • "Was that fella hiding in your rectum this whole time?"
  • Healing item
    • "Chaos!"
  • After using healing item on self
    • "I got that healing feeling!"
  • Healed
    • "Gee thanks!"
    • "Chaos has never been this focused!"
    • "Thanks!"
    • "Oh yeah, I feel better."
    • "Oh wow, I needed that."
  • Reviving
    • "It's too nice out to play dead!"
    • "Chaos commands you to rise!"
    • "There's a buddy!"
    • "Come back to life, OK?"
  • Revived
    • "Gee, thanks, it's no fun being dead."
    • "It is I, Professor Chaos. Did you miss me?"
    • "Thanks, if I was knocked out much longer I might have gotten grounded!"
  • Enemy revived by haunted dirt, Bring the Crunch
    • "That Indian dirt keeps reviving all our corpses!"
    • "Oh jeez, the dirt keeps bringin' 'em back to life!"
  • Attacked
    • "I'm sure glad I splurged on the heavy duty tin foil!"
    • "You dare lay a hand on Professor Chaos?!"
    • "OK, just shake it off, Professor."
    • "C'mon, leave me alone!"
    • "My grandma hits harder than that... ...Way harder."
    • "Heck!"
    • "Knock it off!"
    • "Leave me alone!"
  • Attacked by Monster
    • "Uh-oh, a little pee came out again, you guys."
  • Attacked by Milk Monster
    • "Eww, I'm all damp now."
  • After Nightmare Timothy blocking ability
    • "W-well shucks, I liked that power."
  • Attacked, Farts of Future Past
    • "Hey, pick on the Butters in your own timeline!"
  • Ally attacked
    • "Uh, you kinda look worse for the wear, buddy."
    • "Be careful, you don't look so hot..."
  • Minted ally attacked by Berried enemy
    • "Saved by mint!"
  • Toolshed attacked, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
    • "Yes, yes! Take out the power tool!"
  • Ally Attack Up
    • "You look really intense right now!"
  • Enemy Berried
    • "I'm ready to get those berry guys!"
  • Bleeding
    • "Fellas, the blood spatter is really cool, but it's freaking me out."
  • Ally Bleeding
    • "Oh no, You're [sic] getting blood all over your costume!"
  • Enemy Bleeding or Hemorrhaging, Bring the Crunch
    • "The Final Girl's nice and all, but all this blood is kinda gross!"
  • Burning
    • "Gosh, these flames look super-real, fellas..."
  • Confused
    • "I feel a lot more confused than usual, fellas."
  • Charmed
    • "I'm, uh, just gonna fight for the enemy for a bit..."
    • "Hey, hey fellas, I'm with the other guys now ok?"
    • "Nobody's gonna miss me if I switch sides, right?"
  • Grossed Out
    • "Oh no, my lunch! I'm gonna get grounded!"
  • Hemorrhaging inflicted to enemy
    • "I don't think nothin' can fix a cut like that."
    • "Shoulda worn safety glasses, hah!"
  • Hemorrhaging inflicted to Monster
    • "That's a nasty looking cut, Mr. Monster."
  • Defeated
    • "I'm OK... I'm fine... Auuugh..."
    • "Could this be the end...of Chaos?"
  • Ally defeated
    • "We can still do this, superfriends!"
    • "Professor Chaos will avenge you!"
    • "Friend down! Friend down!"
  • Toolshed defeated, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
    • "You should have never gone back to join Coon and Friends!"
  • Victory
    • "We couldn't have done it without Chaos!"
    • "Muhahaha! Victory!"
    • "We super won!"
    • "Hey fellas, that was super neat!"
    • "Wow that was some nice fightin', guys."
  • Victory, New Kid defeated
    • "You can stop playing dead, New Kid. We beat them."
  • Victory, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
    • "Muhahaha! Tremble before the master of Chaos! ...That's, that's me, minions, in case you missed it."
  • Dialogue
    • With Butters the Merciful, ally idle
      • Butters the Merciful: "So how far into the future are you from?"
        Professor Chaos: "Oh, days and days!"
    • With Butters the Merciful, after attacking Butters the Merciful
      • Butters the Merciful: "Aww that hurt."
        Professor Chaos: "I'm sorry, me!"
    • With Butters the Merciful, after using Chaos Minion, Farts of Future Past
      • Butters the Merciful: "Aww, I want a minion"
        Professor Chaos: "Yeah, they can do all sorts of cool stuff!"
    • With Call Girl, battle start with Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme
      • Call Girl: "#nobodysgonnabelievethis"
        Professor Chaos: "Thanks!"
    • With Call Girl, self or ally idle
      • Professor Chaos: "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
        Call Girl: "What're you doing, Butters?"
        Professor Chaos: "Practicing my evil laugh."
    • With Call Girl, enemy idle, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
      • Professor Chaos: "If you all want to join my new supervillain group, Chaos League, we could all go back inside and get some juice boxes."
        Call Girl: "The whole place is on fire, you idiot!"
        Professor Chaos: "Oh, yeah?"
    • With Call Girl, after using Chaos Blast
      • Call Girl: "Nice Chaos, Professor!"
        Professor Chaos: "Aw shucks, thanks, Call Girl!"
    • With Call Girl, after using Hammer of Chaos
      • Call Girl: "Your ultimate form's a real beefcake, Professor."
        Professor Chaos: "Play your cards right and I might introduce you."
    • With Call Girl, after Call Girl attacking
      • Professor Chaos: "Call Girl kind of kicks ass, you guys."
        Call Girl: "Aw thanks, Butters!"
        Professor Chaos: "Who is this "Butters"? I am PROFESSOR CHAOS!!!!!!!"
    • With Call Girl, after Mini Supreme using Dog Shitter, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
      • Call Girl: "Jesus, Butters, you can't let your dogs shit everywhere. This isn't France!"
        Professor Chaos: "Oh, don't worry. I have a cleaning crew booked for after."
    • With Call Girl, attacked
      • Call Girl: "Are you OK, Chaos?"
        Professor Chaos: "Yeah, sorta, I think so..."
    • With Captain Diabetes, Captain Diabetes turn start, Chaos Minion Round 1, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
      • Captain Diabetes: "You're not getting away with this, Professor Chaos!"
        Professor Chaos: "Oh, but I am, Captain Diabetes, and I'm going to enjoy watching you pee yourself!"
    • With Captain Diabetes, after Captain Diabetes using Coma Combo
      • Professor Chaos: "Well, you must spend all day pumping iron, Cap."
        Captain Diabetes: ​"Nah, I'm just naturally swole."
    • With Captain Diabetes, after Captain Diabetes using Sugar Rush
      • Professor Chaos: "I don't know how you do it, Captain!"
        Captain Diabetes: ​"We should hang out more often. I'd love to show you."
        Professor Chaos: ​"Sure! You can be my Admiral Anarchy!"
    • With Chaos Kid, battle start
      • Professor Chaos: "Gosh, minions, what gives?"
        Chaos Kid: "Your check bounced. Chaos minions wanna get paid!"
    • With The Coon, turn start
      • Professor Chaos: "Muwahahaha!! Remember this day, for it is the day you die!"
        The Coon: "How can they remember it if they're dead?"
        Professor Chaos: "They...uh... Oh darnit."
    • With The Coon, self or ally idle
      • Professor Chaos: "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
        The Coon: "The fuck are you doing, Butters?"
        Professor Chaos: "Practicing my evil laugh."
    • With The Coon or Mitch Conner, after attacking Mitch Conner, Farts of Future Past
      • Professor Chaos: "Now did I attack the right one, fellas?"
        The Coon: "No!" / Mitch Conner: "Yes!"
    • With The Coon, after using Chaos Blast
      • The Coon: "Don't blow all your Chaos in one load, Professor!"
        Professor Chaos: "Don't worry. Lots more Chaos where that came from!"
    • With The Coon, after using Chaos Confuse-O-Tron
      • The Coon: "Savor my begrudging respect, old nemesis."
        Professor Chaos: "Oh boy, begrudging respect! That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
        The Coon: "Yes. I expect it is."
    • With The Coon, after The Coon using Coon Claws
      • Professor Chaos: "You hit like my grandma."
        The Coon: "Fuck you, Chaos. That was a brutal attack!"
        Professor Chaos: "I know! Have you met my grandma?"
    • With The Coon, The Coon defeated
      • Professor Chaos: "Aww, The Coon looks like a sleepy kitty."
        The Coon: "Uh, fucking revive me?"
    • With counselor, after using Hammer of Chaos, versus the Zarganor, second phase
      • Counselor: "Ooh, who was that?"
        Professor Chaos: "Well, that was me!"
    • With counselor, Hemorrhaging inflicted to enemy, Bring the Crunch
      • Counselor: "That is so dangerous!"
        Professor Chaos: "I agree!"
    • With counselor and Nathan, self or ally turn start, Bring the Crunch
      • Counselor: "How about we go make some nice S'mores by the campfire?"
        Professor Chaos: "Yeah, let's stop fighting and do that!"
        Nathan: "Maybe after we kill you."
    • With Fastpass, battle start, Final Girl tutorial battle
      • Fastpass: "OK, Butthole, why don't you see how your Final Girl powers work on these monsters?"
        Professor Chaos: "Yeah, try not to die, New Kid! ...'Cause we're next if you do."
        Fastpass: "Put something together from those tools you gathered!"
    • With Fastpass, Milk Monster turn start, second phase
      • Fastpass: "It's too bad your Kryptonite wasn't something harmless like hamsters."
        Professor Chaos: "Hey, hamsters can be serious business when exposed to Chaos!"
    • With Fastpass, idle and attacked
      • Fastpass: "Not easy being one of the good guys, huh Professor?"
        Professor Chaos: "Only temporary! Soon the world will feel my wrath again!"
    • With Fastpass, self or ally idle
      • Professor Chaos: "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
        Fastpass: "What in the world are you doing?"
        Professor Chaos: "Practicing my evil laugh."
    • With Fastpass, after using Chaos Blast
      • Fastpass: "Where'd you learn to do that?"
        Professor Chaos: "From no one. Chaos is my master!"
        Fastpass: "Ah, from the Learning Annex, then. I got it!"
    • With Fastpass, after using Chaos Blast and Chaos Confuse-O-Tron
      • Fastpass: "Gotta admit... Your brand of Chaos has a certain appeal!"
        Professor Chaos: "Well, I'm glad you think so!"
    • With Fastpass, after New Kid moving after selecting target for Hammer Bomb, Final Girl tutorial battle
      • Fastpass: "Wow, and then you choose your victim's knockback direction! Cool!"
        Professor Chaos: "Knock 'em into your traps!"
    • With Fastpass, after Nathan using Fishy Friends, Bring the Crunch
      • Professor Chaos: "Oh jeez, I really don't like fish monsters, you guys. They're so clammy!"
        Fastpass: "Don't let a little dampness get to you!"
    • With Fastpass, revived by haunted dirt, Bring the Crunch
      • Professor Chaos: "Hey you guys, maybe we shouldn't be fighting on an Indian burial ground!"
        Fastpass: "Think of it as part of a unique cultural experience."
    • With Fastpass, attacked
      • Fastpass: "You OK, Chaos?"
        Professor Chaos: "Uh, not really."
    • With Fastpass, enemy Bleeding or Hemorrhaging, Bring the Crunch
      • Professor Chaos: "The Final Girl's nice and all, but all this blood is kinda gross!"
        Fastpass: "Just be happy it's not your blood!"
    • With Fastpass, Monster Bleeding or Hemorrhaging
      • Fastpass: "Wow, they're really bleeding everywhere."
        Professor Chaos: "Golly! I guess monsters have more blood in 'em than humans do."
    • With Fastpass, Mintberry Crunch, and Monsters, second wave of Monsters, Final Girl tutorial battle
      • Monster: "Get outta here, kids!"
        Other monster: "You don't belong here! Rarr!"
        Fastpass: "Hmm, something's a little off with these monsters."
        Mintberry Crunch: "Let's get 'em!"
        Professor Chaos: "You guys are crazy!"
    • With High Jew Elf Kyle, battle start
      • High Jew Elf Kyle: "Our King won't let you pass!"
        Professor Chaos: "Your King is no match for us, wahaha!"
    • With Human Kite, battle start with Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme
      • Human Kite: "Dude, you totally outdid yourself!"
        Professor Chaos: "Thanks!"
    • With Human Kite, turn start, Chaos Minions first group battle, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
      • Professor Chaos: "Why would you side with such weaklings, Toolshed?"
        Human Kite: "Yeah, why, Stan?"
    • With Medbot, Medbot using healing attack on Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme
      • Medbot: "¡Entropía bomba!"
        Professor Chaos: "Muchas gracias."
    • With Mimsy, self or ally idle
      • Mimsy: "Boss says marshmallows are made from spider eggs!"
        Professor Chaos: "Well, they still taste good."
    • With Mintberry Crunch, turn start versus Milk Monsters
      • Professor Chaos: "I'm definitely gonna have nightmares about milk monsters, you guys!"
        Mintberry Crunch: "Join the club."
    • With Mintberry Crunch, after Mintberry Crunch using Mint Launch, Bring the Crunch
      • Mintberry Crunch: "I declare you: Minted!"
        Professor Chaos: "You know what would make this more impressive? Lightning!" / "Now where'd he go?"
    • With Mintberry Crunch, Minted New Kid attacked by Berried enemy, round 1, first battle against Monsters
      • Mintberry Crunch: "Hah! When a Berry enemy attacks a friend with Mint, they do no damage!"
        Professor Chaos: "Thank goodness!"
    • With Mitch Conner, turn start, Farts of Future Past
      • Mitch Conner: "Well, who do you attack, Freedom Pal?"
        Professor Chaos: "Shucks, uh, who do I go after?"
    • With Monster, Monster turn start
      • Monster: "Who's ready for a senseless murdering?"
        Professor Chaos: "Professor Chaos is NOT ready."
      • Monster: "Why aren't you running away! RARRRGH!"
        Professor Chaos: "Uh, that monster has a good point you guys."
      • Monster: "Your fear makes me stronger!"
        Professor Chaos: "Oh, hamburgers!"
      • Monster: "Who wants to see my bone saw?"
        Professor Chaos: "Well, Toolshed would probably be interested but he's not here."
      • Monster: "All right, who wants to get eaten tonight?"
        Professor Chaos: "Not it!"
      • Monster: "I'm gonna scare you DEAD!"
        Professor Chaos: "Uh-oh, a little pee came out again, you guys."
    • With Mosquito, self or ally idle
      • Mosquito: "My dad lets me play with the big rolling ladder in his store's stock room."
        Professor Chaos: "My dad let's[sic] me not be grounded sometimes."
    • With Mysterion, after Mysterion attacking
      • Professor Chaos: "We should totally team up!"
        Mysterion: "Mysterion works alone."
        Professor Chaos: "Really? I mean, we're kinda working together right now."
        Mysterion: "Mysterion works alone."
        Professor Chaos: "Well, ok then."
      • Professor Chaos: Gee whiz, Mysterion, you're really cool."
        Mysterion: "I know."
    • With Raisins Girl, self or ally idle
      • Raisins Girl: "So, you guys having a good time today?"
        Professor Chaos: "Uh...yeah."
    • With Stephen Stotch, self or ally idle
      • Stephen: "Butters, if something doesn't happen soon, you're double grounded!"
        Professor Chaos: "Oh no!"
    • With Stephen Stotch, after ally or self attacking or using Enrage move on Stephen Stotch
      • Stephen: "Well that just makes me more angry at Butters!"
        Professor Chaos: "Aww, dang it."
    • With Stephen Stotch, after attacking Stephen Stotch
      • Stephen: "Butters! Behave yourself or I'm going to send you to live with your grandma!"
        Professor Chaos: "Oh, please no."
    • With Stephen Stotch, after using Chaos Blast on Stephen Stotch
      • Professor Chaos: "Pretty sweet Chaos Bolt, huh Da-"
        Stephen: "How many times have I told you not to play around with raw energy beams!"
    • With Stephen Stotch, after using Chaos Confuse-O-Tron on Stephen Stotch
      • Professor Chaos: "Pretty shocking, huh Da-"
        Stephen: "Butters, you're wasting electricity!"
        Professor Chaos: "Oh yeah, I guess so."
    • With Stephen Stotch, Stephen Stotch preparing Ground
      • Stephen: "I'll ground you! I'LL GROUND YOU ALL!"
        Professor Chaos: "Oh gosh!"
      • Stephen: "Who will I ground next? Maybe all of you!"
        Professor Chaos: "Oh, I sure I'm sorry about this fellas!"
      • Stephen: "Any of you been swearing? That's a grounding!"
        Professor Chaos: "No sir, we sure aren't doing any of those things!"
      • Stephen: "Here comes a grounding!"
        Professor Chaos: "Well, it sure has been nice being your friend, guys."
    • With Stephen Stotch, after Stephen Stotch using Ground on New Kid
      • Professor Chaos: "The New Kid can't be grounded! It's like a miracle you guys!"
        Stephen: "Godammit!"
    • With Stephen Stotch, Stephen Stotch Grossed Out
      • Stephen: "Butters, you're shampooing the carpet after this!"
        Professor Chaos: "OK, Dad."
    • With Stephen Stotch, victory
      • Stephen: "Dammit Butters, you're grounded for life!"
        Professor Chaos: "I...I am? But I don't feel grounded. Hey Guys, I'm not grounded! I'm Ungroundable!"
        Stephen: "NOOOOO!"
    • With Super Craig, after Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch
      • Professor Chaos: "You hit them right in their weak spot, Super Craig!"
        Super Craig: "You mean their body?"
        Professor Chaos: "Oh-ho, good one!"
    • With Super Craig, battle start with Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme
      • Super Craig: "Nice ride. Sorry about your dick size."
        Professor Chaos: "Thanks!"
    • With Super Craig, after attacking, Chaos Minions first group battle, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
      • Super Craig: "Hold still, Chaos creature."
        Professor Chaos: "Hey, I'm paying you guys good money and I want to see results!"
    • With Super Craig, after Mini Supreme using Dog Shitter, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
      • Professor Chaos: "Mark your territory!"
        Super Craig: "OK, that got in my mouth."
    • With Super Craig, Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme attacked
      • Professor Chaos: "OK, just shake it off, Professor."
        Super Craig: "How about you FUCK OFF."
    • With Toolshed, battle start with Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme
      • Toolshed: "Wow that's...that's a hell of a construction project."
        Professor Chaos: "Thanks!"
    • With Toolshed, self or ally idle
      • Professor Chaos: "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
        Toolshed: "What the hell is that?"
        Professor Chaos: "Practicing my evil laugh."
    • With Toolshed, after Toolshed using Drillslinger
      • Professor Chaos: "How does it feel to serve as a tool of Chaos?"
        Toolshed: "Dude, not everyone is into your Chaos shtick."
        Professor Chaos: "Muahahaha! Spoken like a true agent of Chaos!"
    • With Wonder Tweek, after using Chaos Blast
      • Wonder Tweek: "Are you sure you're not radioactive, Professor?"
        Professor Chaos: "Nope!"
      • Wonder Tweek: "I'm kinda supposed to be the lightning guy around here."
        Professor Chaos: "It's okay, we can share!"
    • With the Zarganor, Nightmare Timothy preparing Nocturnal Eruption
      • Zarganor: "Time to die..."
        Professor Chaos: "Oh, cheeseburgers!"
    • With the Zarganor, the Zarganor using Milky Discharge
      • Zarganor: "Who wants a little squirt, hmm?"
        Professor Chaos: "No, thank you!"
    • Fighting Jared, after he speaks
      • "You're making me kind of uncomfortable."
      • "I really don't like this guy!"
  • Unsorted
    • "Play your cards right and I might just introduce you."
    • "A headbutt like a jack hammer... Neat, New Kid!"
    • Human Kite: "Nice work stopping their attacks with your body, Chaos!"
      Professor Chaos: "Oh, thanks!"
    • Professor Chaos: "Let the winds of Chaos blow you, Human Kite..."
      Human Kite: "You saying you want to blow me, Chaos?"
      Professor Chaos: "Muahahaha! Chaos!"
    • "Hey! Me hablas español, you minions!"
    • Professor Chaos: "I'm gonna push your buttons till you scream like a little girl, Super Craig."
      Super Craig: "Not happening."
    • Super Craig: "Shit. The minions got you."
      Professor Chaos: "Why, thank you, Craig. I'm glad you're impressed by my super Chaos Minions!"
      Super Craig: "Do I sound impressed?"
    • "Ha-ha! Behold, my minions! Chaos grips their soul and tears them apart!"
    • "Toolshed! I can feel the Chaos in you... Join me!"
    • Chaos Kid: "How are we doing, Professor?"
      Professor Chaos: "Not bad, my Chaos Minion!"
    • Professor Chaos: "Ha-ha! Behold, my minions! Chaos grips their soul and tears them apart!"
      Captain Diabetes: "Does not!"
      Professor Chaos: "Does too!"
      Captain Diabetes: "Nuh uh!"
      Professor Chaos: "Yeah huh!"
      Captain Diabetes: "Does not!"
      Professor Chaos: "Does too!"
      Captain Diabetes: "Nuh uh!"
      Professor Chaos: "Yeah huh!"
      Super Craig: "Oh my god, will you shitheads fucking stop already?"
    • "Let's see you laugh at Professor Chaos now, Coon!"
    • Professor Chaos: "I hope that really hurt, Coon!"
      The Coon: "Come down here and face us, you fucking pussy!"
    • "Look out for his middle finger, my minions!"
    • Human Kite: "Jesus, what the fuck was that?"
      Professor Chaos: "My Chaos Supreme comes with extra hot sauce!"
    • The Coon: "I think you're taking this a little too far, Butters."
      Professor Chaos: "Thanks for noticing!"
    • Professor Chaos: "If you all want to join my new supervillain group, Chaos League, we could all go back inside and get some juice boxes."
      Call Girl: "The whole place is on fire, you idiot!"
      Professor Chaos: "Oh, yeah?"
    • "I can't wait to bring this thing to school tomorrow!"
    • "Ha ha, hey, who's tickling me? Quit it!"
    • "Man, it's kind of hot in here."
    • "Heal me, 'o minion, so that Chaos may prevail! Huh, come on, please?"
    • Captain Diabetes: "Professor! It's not too late to lay down your minions!"
      Professor Chaos: "You wish, Diabetes!"
    • "Gee whiz, guys... That was really mean."
    • Professor Chaos: "Bow before Chaos or face my army of minions!"
      Toolshed: "Not in this lifetime, Chaos!"
    • "These missiles are gonna look real sweet on our first movie poster!"
    • "Careful, minions, this one's fast!"
    • "Feel how entropy is messing with your atoms, Fastpass!"
    • "Too slow, Fastpass!"
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