PTA Problems/Script

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Script

"Nonconformist/Script"

"PTA Problems/Script"

"Attack the School/Script"

Cast[]

Script[]

PTA Problems

	The New Kid enters the Park County Community Center's bathroom, where he finds Randy dressed in karate uniform
Randy	I can tell you have potential, but you are undisciplined. Let me show you what I mean. [takes position] Come at me. Try and fart on me. Come on.
	The New Kid turns his back on Randy and bends down. The player is now prompted a set of buttons to use
	If the player fails to execute properly
Randy	Kee-yah! You call that farting on someone? You missed by a mile. Try again!
	Upon success, the New Kid farts on Randy
Randy	Hai-chaa! See that? Your fart's over there somewhere. Didn't come close. So, what do you do when people can block your farts? You must learn... to control your farts to move and release at a specific time and place. I am going to teach you a fart called... the Sneaky Squeaker. It will become your greatest ally. Don't believe me? Try and block my attack.
	Randy executes the new fart, releasing behind the New Kid's back. With the New Kid's back turned, Randy goes up and attacks the former.
Randy	You see that? I distracted you. Distracting your opponents is key to battle. Look, let me show you again. Pay special attention to the viscosity.
	Randy makes another demonstration. At this time, the player is shown a set of control instructions to be followed later.
Randy	Okay, you try. Make your fart detonate behind me.
	The player will now follow the instructions as prompted.
	If the player fails to execute properly
Randy	Undisciplined. Even a child could block that fart.
	Upon success, the New Kid is able to execute the Sneaky Squeaker. Just then, Mr. Mackey will enter the bathroom, on his way to the urinal.
Mr. Mackey	Oh, hey guys.
Randy	Oh, hi Mr. Mackey. [whispers to the New Kid] Now it's your turn. Use Sneaky Squeaker to distract Mr. Mackey over to the corner there.
	The New Kid executes the fart once more
Mr. Mackey	Hey, did you guys hear that? Sounded like a chipmunk.
	Mr. Mackey goes over to the corner to find out where the noise came from. Randy takes this opportunity and fly kicks Mr. Mackey on the face
Randy	Ki-yah! Very, very good. Now, use what I've taught you to sneak inside that Taco Bell. Find out what they're up to and report back here. And no matter what happens, never fart on anyone's balls. You got that? All right, now go.
	The New Kid leaves the bathroom. He now makes his way to the spaceship (or the alleged "Taco Bell"), and finds a crowd gathering around the crash site
Agent 1	Folks, there's nothing to be concerned with here. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary going on. We're simply getting ready for the grand opening of a new Taco Bell. New Taco Bell opening soon, very big Taco Bell. It's gonna open in a few weeks, thank you.
Mark	[raises hand] Uh, will this Taco Bell be serving enchiritos?
Agent 1	What?
Mark	Well, is it gonna be a full menu Taco Bell, or is this gonna be one of those Taco Bell/KFC combos?
Agent 1	[turns around and makes contact through his microphone] We got a guy out there asking a lot of questions.
Big Bad Government Guy	[in another facility] Just stick to the script as laid out in the protocol.
Agent 1	But he wants to know if the Taco Bell will have enchiritos or not, sir.
Big Bad Government Guy	Dammit, we don't have a contingency for that. Michaels, isolate and neutralize the threat.
Agent 2	Yes sir.
Mark	Look, it...it's a simple question. If this is gonna be a huge Taco Bell, will if serve enchiritos? I think we have a right to know...
	A gunshot is heard, and the townsman has been shot in the head, falling on the ground dead.
Mark's wife	Mark?
Agent 1	Folks we know you're all very excited, but for your safety we ask you stay clear of the construction site.
	The crowd does as they are told and begin to disperse
Mark's wife	Mark?
	The New Kid makes his way past the guards, using the newly learnt Sneaky Squeaker, and infiltrates the facility. He climbs into a vent and travels to the other end, watching a meeting between several government agents
Agent 3	...but so far we have been unable to stop the UFO from leaking the toxic waste. We've contained all we can but there no guarantees an outbreak will not occur.
Big Bad Government Guy	And does the alien liquid appear to have the same effect as... last time?
Agent 4	I'm afraid so. When the alien waste reacts with organic material on Earth it turns things into, N*** Zombies.
	The agent opens a shutter door, revealing a N** Zombie contained in a separate room. The zombie starts shouting German*
Agent 3	Here we go again.
Big Bad Government Guy	[takes a closer look at the zombie] God dammit, I am so tired of N*** zombies. It's so overused.
Agent 2	If the wrong person gets their hands on that green toxin, it could totally spread and we have a big problem.
Big Bad Government Guy	[walks over to a whiteboard, where a layout of South Park has been drawn] All right, we're going to have to completely obliterate everything in a three block radius. [draws a huge red circle around the layout] Find locations for the bombs and bury it all. Then make up a fake story about an earthquake. [writes "EARTHQUAKE" at the bottom] We can contain the outbreak this time if we act quickly enough. Let's move!
Agent 5	Everything we've just talked about has been recorded onto this tape. [points to a recording device] I'm going to leave it alone here for a few minutes, then come back later and have it encrypted and locked away so nobody ever hears what was said in this meeting.
Agent 4	Yes, good idea.
	The New Kid escape the vent via another exit. He ends up near the meeting room's entrance, where two guards are stationed. Just then, the N** zombie from earlier breaks out of the room*
Guard 1	What the fuck?
Guard 2	It's broken free!!
	The zombie shouts in German, before charging towards the guard. He easily takes them out, by beheading one guard and piercing through the other's chest. The New Kid now enters combat with the zombie. After combat, the New Kid proceeds into the meeting room and takes the recording device
Combat buddy	Man, this secret government base room sure is boring. You'd think that a secret government base would have more cool stuff in it.
	The New Kid attempts to leave the facility, only to be approached by guards who has just been turned into N*** zombies. The next line is dependent on which character is the New Kid's active combat buddy
Stan	There's something really weird about those pale German guys.
Butters	I...I think those guys are new in town.
	The New Kid successfully defeats the zombies. He makes his way back to the community center, and finds the PTA commitee on their seats. The New Kid passes the recording device to Randy.
Randy	What's this? It's a recording! There's data on here...
Sheila	Did they say anything?
Principal Victoria	What kind of Taco Bell is it going to be?
Mr. Mackey	When are they gonna be finished building it?
Randy	Shhh, shhh!
	Randy rewinds the device, then starts playing an excerpt
Big Bad Government Guy	[audio] All right, we're going to have to completely obliterate everything in a three block radius.
Mr. Garrison	What?
Big Bad Government Guy	[audio] Set charges underground to blow up the area and bury it all. Then make up a fake story about an earthquake.
	Randy stops the recording
Principal Victoria	They're gonna... just blow up three blocks?
Randy	Sons of b*****. [looks up, seemingly directing at the alleged Taco Bell]* You sons of b******!!!
Mr. Garrison	What gives them the right?
Randy	I knew there was more to this. It's not a simple Taco Bell we're dealing with. It's the most massive Taco Bell ever built. You see, ever since the whole Doritos Locos Tacos thing, Taco Bell thinks they can do whatever they want.
Principal Victoria	Well, not here. Not in our town!
Randy	[picks up the "Fuck the Conformists" sign and returns it to the New Kid] You've done well, New Kid. We're not going to let Taco Bell win. I'll take that picture you wanted now of you with the PTA. [takes the picture] Nice, I'll send it to you.
End of PTA Problems