South Park Archives

Nurse Mary Gollum, originally referred to as Nurse McSchwartz in The Unaired Pilot, was the school nurse at South Park Elementary, notable for the dead fetus attached to her head, which the students found terrifying.


In "Conjoined Fetus Lady", she is revealed to suffer from the (fictional) condition "conjoined twin myslexia". Principal Victoria asked her if it could be surgically removed, and she said that this could be done but with a risk of her dying. The Boys are very frightened of her, with Sheila leading the parents and the rest of the town to create "Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week", which Gollum had found embarrassing. The adults think she's an "ungrateful bitch" and doesn't care what people think of her while the kids believe the fetus makes her smarter.


She also reappears in "Roger Ebert Should Lay off the Fatty Foods" where she examined Van Gelder's behavior and in a parody of Star Trek, takes the role of Nurse Chapel to Mr. Mackey's Mr. Spock. She and he together fought against Dr. Adams' plot. She is also briefly seen as a member of True Freaks Union (TFU) in "Freak Strike", and then finally in the crowd in "I'm a Little Bit Country", her last noticeable appearance - though she made a very brief cameo in "Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow".

She was voiced by Karri Turner when she appeared in "The Unaired Pilot" as Nurse McSchwartz, with a much more baneful personality annoyed the kids seemed to be faking sick again, before sending them off once Cartman released his flaming gas. She also treats Pip Pirrip unfairly, telling him to shut up and poorly nursing his injury.


In the Season Three episode, "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics", a month after Mary Kay Bergman's suicide, Nurse Gollum was one of several characters who appeared as a tribute to her during the line "Faithful friends who are dear to us - Gather near to us once more.", She was one of many characters who were cutout standees in 2020-2021 Denver Broncos games.

She makes background appearances in the South ParQ Vaccination Special" after vanishing from the show for many seasons. A nurse similar to her is also seen celebrating the end of the pandemic at the end of the episode, however, she had orange hair and in place of the dead fetus there is a blood mark.


She wears a long, white nurse coat with a gold-colored name tag on the left side and a white cap with the red cross. She has short round pink hair with short bangs and also a still-born fetus attached to her head from birth.


She wanted to be treated as a normal person, and not obsessed over because of her deformity as said in the end of "Conjoined Fetus Lady." She is therefore shown to be modest and self-confident.


Shut up pip

Nurse McSchwartz without the Fetus on her head in The Unaired Pilot.



Nurse Gollum's missing poster in South Park: The Stick of Truth.

  • In South Park: The Stick of Truth, there is a poster of her saying that she is missing since October 19 in the police station, it is reference to her latest appearance at the time, "Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow" which aired on October 19. She eventually returned in "South ParQ Vaccination Special".
    • The poster also reveals that her first name is Mary, that she is 33 years old, and weighs 130lbs (pounds).
  • In "The Unaired Pilot", she did not have the dead fetus on her head, and her surname was McSchwartz.
  • She is shown to have an interest in cats; as seen in one of her "tribute" slides, there is a picture of a cat on her wall, and she is also putting together a puzzle of a cat.
  • She is one of many residents of South Park who was at the September 2020 Buccaneers vs. Broncos NFL game.[3]
  • While it is possible (albeit rare) to have a conjoined twin attached to one's head, "conjoined twin myslexia" is an entirely fabricated term. In real life, they are simply called conjoined twins.
    • Despite conjoined twin myslexia being a fictional condition in which one of the twins dies before birth, a very close thing that exists in real life is parasitic twins, where the embryo of the fetus does not fully separate and one embryo continues to develop as the other ceases to do so, resulting in an unconscious underdeveloped body to be attached to the sibling.
  • The fetus has black hair, so it is possible that Nurse Gollum’s hair is naturally black and she just dyes it pink.
  • When she mentions that surgery to have the fetus removed might kill her, it is likely that the fetus is attached to her brain. Removing the fetus might cause potentially fatal brain damage resulting into her death.
  • Due to her age and the fetus being dead, it has a shriveled and somewhat elderly appearance, rather than the youthful appearance of a typical fetus. Also, fetuses typically do not have hair.


South Park Elementary staff
Coach Miles | Girls' Volleyball Coach | Herbert Garrison | Mitchell | Mr. Derp | Mr. Garrett | Mr. Harris | Mr. Mackey | Mr. Meryl | Mr. Thompson | Mr. Wyland | Mrs. Streibel | Ms. Bronski | PC Principal | Pearl | Recess Supervisor | Richard Adler | Strong Woman | Substitute Teacher | Unnamed Bus Driver
Diane Choksondik | Jerome "Chef" McElroy | Jose Venezuela | Margaret Nelson | Miss Claridge | Mr. Conners | Mr. Slave | Ms. Ellen | Ms. Stevenson | Nurse Gollum | Principal Victoria | Randy Marsh | Veronica Crabtree