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{{ScriptDialog|Garrison|Well what do they want me to do about it?}} |
{{ScriptDialog|Garrison|Well what do they want me to do about it?}} |
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{{ScriptDialog|Second General|You're the leader of the free world. Everyone's looking to you to be the call and steady voice they all need.}} |
{{ScriptDialog|Second General|You're the leader of the free world. Everyone's looking to you to be the call and steady voice they all need.}} |
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− | {{ScriptDialog|Army Soldier|[salutes] Mr. President? Mr. President, the Isreali prime minister is on Line 1, the |
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Army Soldier|[salutes] Mr. President? Mr. President, the Isreali prime minister is on Line 1, the chancellor of Germany is on Line 2, and a Mr. Slave is on Line 3.}} |
{{ScriptDialog|Garrison|Mr. Slave? [picks up the phone on Line 3] This is the President.}} |
{{ScriptDialog|Garrison|Mr. Slave? [picks up the phone on Line 3] This is the President.}} |
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{{ScriptDialog|Mr. Slave|[talks at his house while looking at his fingernails] Hey, what's up?}} |
{{ScriptDialog|Mr. Slave|[talks at his house while looking at his fingernails] Hey, what's up?}} |
Revision as of 17:23, 5 December 2016
Cast
Script
Template:Script
Not Funny | |
In front of Park County Police Station. A crowd gets riled up while Harrison starts a speech. | |
Everyone calm down, please. We have to have civil order. Listen to me. | |
[crowd stops chattering] | |
Really? | |
Now I know everyone's scared, but we have to keep control. Yes all of our emails and Internet histories are about to become public knowledge. | |
[crowd chatters] | |
[raises his arms] But, but, | |
[crowd stops] | |
we all need to understand that TrollTrace will never happen if people don't log on to use it. The website is a massive database that cross-references everything ever said on the Internet. It relies on people typing in a name and address of someone else [lays arms on stand] to add to that database. If we could all agree to resist the urge to look up other people's Internet histories, [looks at Maggie] Maggie, okay? As long as we all respect each other's privacy, darling, [looks straight ahead] then our town won't suffer the same fate as Fort Collins. | |
And what are the police gonna do to make sure people don't use it?! I know I'll certainly respect others' privacy, but about other people like [points at Laura] Laura Tucker the Blabbermouth? | |
Excuse me? | |
And that's why we have to come together as a community, and resist any temptation to use TrollTrace, [looks at Maggie] Maggie. We have to stay in control. [looks in front of him] This hack of our city will never happen, so long as we rely on the rationality and the basic decency of the American people. | |
[crowd panics and runs away] | |
Guess I could've worded that differently. | |
Kyle's room. Kyle sits on bed with his head lowered while Sheila stands near the doorway. | |
[yells] What were you thinking?! How dare you outright defy me like that! Your brother was being punished for using the computer and you decide to just leave with him? | |
I just felt bad for him, ma. | |
You felt bad for him, after all the horrible things he said to people online?! Your brother is a sick troll, Kyle! You just wait until your father gets home! [leaves the room and closes the door] | |
Ike's room. Ike sits on his bed miserably. He suddenly gets a Skype call from Gerald. Ike goes to his computer and accepts the call. | |
Ike, where the fuck have you been?! Daddy needs your help. You don't want Mommy and Daddy to get divorced, do you? [paces] You know how bad your mom is, she completely overreacts to everything. That's where your brother gets it from. You don't want to be like Kyle, do you? | |
[goes in front of the computer] Hi dad. | |
[gets shocked] Hey, buddy! Everything good there? | |
It was you, this whole time. You're the troll that caused all of this trouble. | |
No, it was your brother. I don't know what's wrong with him, Kyle. He needs counseling... | |
Heidi Turner did an emoji analysis. It was an adult. It was you. | |
[starts talking right before Kyle finished] Shh, shh. Shh, shh. Okay, keep your voice down. | |
[talks softly] Why dad? Why did you do this? | |
Because it's fucking funny, Kyle. It's called having a sense of humor, and laughing. You should fucking try it once in a while! | |
Putting a penis in the mouth of a mom who has cancer is funny?! | |
Because it's so not funny, God! Pushing people's buttons to get a reaction can actually be very good for society, Kyle. Listen to me, the Danish are fucking crazy. You have to get people to stop them. | |
How?! | |
Go get people riled up. Call the President. I don't know. When you push people's buttons, they go and push other people's buttons. Now get out there and... [ends call] | |
[enters Ike's room and yells] Kyle, Ike! What the hell is this?! What did I say?! Get off of that computer riiight nooooow! | |
[puts his head down] | |
Outside of SpaceX. SpaceX is surrounded by a barb-wired gate in which a crowd of people get riled up behind it, with some trying to climb. | |
Uh everyone, please listen! We don't have any rockets going to Mars! Yo-you're not listening! We don't have the energy requirements figured out yet. We're working as hard as we can. There's a little girl working on the people right now and apparently she's incredibly smart and funny. | |
SpaceX:laboratory. Heidi stares at a large white board filled with charts and equations. | |
[walks to Heidi with mug] You got it figured out yet, babe? | |
[grabs mug] Babe, I have no idea what any of this means. | |
Heidi, yes you do. You just have to get over yourself. Come on, say it. Say it. | |
Girls rule, women are funny, get over it. | |
[does a one-sided hug on Heidi] Get over it, baby. Stop holding yourself back. | |
[sighs] | |
Uh excuse me. Sorry, can we have a word please? | |
[yells at Elon Musk] What the fuck do you want?! [talks to Heidi] Hang on, babe. [runs towards Elon Musk] | |
This doesn't seem like it's gonna work out and we're rather busy. | |
Just give her a chance. [turns around] She's the smartest, funniest girl on Earth. | |
I haven't really heard her say anything funny. | |
Yeah, [points at his own head] that's because you have a mental block, Elon Musk. [lowers his arm] They won't let you get over yourself. | |
[sits on chair, watching the conversation] He-heyeah! Don't worry about Heidi, she's a hoot. | |
[faces Butters with a mad face] | |
TrollTrace: vault. The vault door gets unlocked. | |
Here they come. | |
[Dane 2 opens the door as Bedrager, Dane 1, Dane 4, and him enter. The trolls stand up] | |
Oh thank god. There's been a mistake, okay?! I'm not one of [points at the other trolls] them. My son is Skankhunt42. Go online and see, he's still doing it! | |
[points a gun at the trolls] | |
All of you, remove your clothes. | |
What are you gonna do with us? | |
Remove your clothes now! | |
[the trolls strip themselves naked] | |
TrollTrace: Observatory room. The entrance door opens. | |
[enters] In here, move. | |
[trolls enter the room in a line where they are put on separate chairs, handcuffed] | |
[gets frieghtened] Oh god! Oh god, they're gonna [gets kicked by Dane 5] kill us! No no, wait! Okay okay, it was me! You're right, I'm Skankhunt! But I am not like them. Please, [gets put on a chair] I have a good job! I'm a good guy! [gets handcuffed] I'm sorry! [sighs heavily] I was just being funny! I was trying to make people laugh! [sees the Danes leaving the room] That's a positive thing, right?! I wasn't doing it to hurt people, I was just doing comedy. It's different! Please, it's different! | |
[the door closes] | |
South Park Church. Maxi makes a speech to people praying. | |
Lord, we look to thee on this to our most trouble hour. We have been let astray and now all we could do is wait for the inevitable to happen. Soon everything we have said and done online is going to be known to all. Many lives will be turned upside down. Of course, I have nothing to worry about; since I'm a priest, there's nothing I'm ashamed of doing on the Internet, so [turns a page] definitely no reason to look up my history. But uh for many, this is a time to pray. | |
[speak in unison] O'Lord, please forgive for things we might have done online. | |
Maggie. | |
Please try to understand that even some of us who were on MatchingMavis.com, it was only out of curiosity, and not because we actually having an affair. Please understand that we might have used racial slurs, but only because it was to a close friend and never meant to be public. | |
[enters with Ike] What are you all doing?! [walks closer to the priest] Somebody's threatening your way of life and you all are just sitting here praying, like uh a bunch of babies? | |
[follows Kyle] Like a bunch of pussies! | |
Come on, this isn't South Park! What's happened to us?! We used to have a challenge and deal with it, then move onto the next one. Now we've just been dealing with trolling and Internet stuff over and over, week after week; and I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty sick of it. | |
Yeah. | |
[stands on a step near Maxi] Now for once let's take a stand and try to end this. We can't let Denmark change who we are. | |
Yeah, fuck Denmark. | |
[speak after one another] Yeah! | |
You guys need to, you know, call the President and get him to take action. | |
[speak in dissapointment] Aw! | |
The President? He won't listen to us. He hates us now. | |
No, [stands up] but there is somebody he will still listen to. | |
The Pentagon: Diplomatic Strategy room. | |
Mr. President, we're looking at global destabilization blinked we've never seen. Countries everywhere are terrified their Internet may be hacked. | |
Well what do they want me to do about it? | |
You're the leader of the free world. Everyone's looking to you to be the call and steady voice they all need. | |
[salutes] Mr. President? Mr. President, the Isreali prime minister is on Line 1, the chancellor of Germany is on Line 2, and a Mr. Slave is on Line 3. | |
Mr. Slave? [picks up the phone on Line 3] This is the President. | |
[talks at his house while looking at his fingernails] Hey, what's up? | |
Well well well, crawling outta the woodwork to try and get me back now that I am a big cheese? | |
Mr. Slave's house is shown to have other South Park residents. | |
No, I'm calling because people want you to bomb Denmark. | |
Who wants me to bomb Denmark? | |
Lots of people 'cause it's like gonna ruin their freedom of speech or something. | |
Mr. Slave, this is all very complicated, diplomatic stuff, okay? You can't just go bombing other countries. | |
Oh Jesus Christ, you're such a little bitch. | |
Oh I'm a bitch, huh? I happen to be President, bitch! | |
You're a little bitch, President. You're too scared to bomb anybody. | |
I'm not scared, my advisors have told me that I... | |
Yeah you're scared, just do what your little advisors tell you to do. | |
If I decide a military strike on Denmark is warranted, then I will... | |
You don't have the balls to bomb them, pussy. | |
Pussy ass bitch. | |
Pussy ass bitch, fuck you. | |
Oh [rambles] okay! You think so, huh?! Well watch this you gay asshole! [yells at the generals] Bomb Denmark! | |
Sir? | |
[turns around] The TrollTrace building or the whole fucking thing! Whatever it is, get the missiles ready! | |
[talks to others in his house] Yeah, it worked. | |
Alright! | |
[everyone else cheered] | |
End of Not Funny |
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