South Park Archives


South Park Archives

Niles Lawson is a reporter for Channel 9 News who specializes in sensationalism. He first appears in the Season Nine episode, "Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow".


In "Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow", he reports to Tom Pusslicker from ten miles outside Beaverton about massive fatalities despite no evidence and that looting, raping, and acts of cannibalism are taking place, admitting he has not seen them.

In "Britney's New Look", he is the first reporter to cover that Britney Spears has been located in the town of South Park.

In "Black Friday", he is first seen in a news report interviewing shoppers who have begun lining up way in advance for the Black Friday sale outside the South Park Mall. Later in the episode, he reports the launch of Sony's Black Friday special, the "Brack Friday Bunduru".

His name is revealed in the next episode, "A Song of Ass and Fire" where he continues to report about the Black Friday sale. He is shown to report the news in a way that incites more conflict and violence, thinking it is good for the news. This is revealed when he interrupts his news anchors, the siblings Tom Thompson and Tammy Thompson, when they are having sex. He tells them that Bill Gates promises a bloodier war if they report a certain story and that it will be better for them. When Tom goes against this, Niles threatens to tell of Tom and Tammy's incest. Niles continues to stir up drama on both sides of the console wars and even has sex with the Sony President. At the end of "Titties and Dragons", Xbox One wins the console wars. Niles reports that the big winner is Channel 9 News.


Throughout all of his appearances, Niles leans into sensationalist reporting, caring more about making the news as juicy as possible to get lots of attention, even at the expense of thousands of lives. He acknowledges reporting information that lacks evidence or that he has not witnessed personally. He seems to be corrupt and greedy.


He has light brown hair. He wears a dark brown scarf around his neck, a gray coat with multiple pockets, dark gray pants, black gloves, and black shoes. He holds a microphone in his right hand at all times, even when he is having sex. He wears a yellow raincoat with four large pockets over a suit with a black tie when reporting out of Beaverton.



Niles' lookalike in "Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus".


Minor Characters from Season Seventeen

Aaron Hagen | Alec Baldwin | Anderson Cooper | Cable Company Worker | Canadian Therapist | Chief Joe | Coach Miles | Cody | Corey Lanskin | DMV Workers | Edgar Allan Poe | George R. R. Martin | George Zimmerman | Ginger Cow | Howard Flannigan | Jehovah's Witnesses | Man with Brown Jacket | Michael's Parents | Mr. Biggle | Mr. Hagen | Mrs. Zimmerman | National Security Agency | Nelly's Mom | Niles Lawson | Obese Woman Shopper | Old Cap | Pat Conners | Princess Kenny | Rick | Rick Tellmore | Ryan | Sarah Flannigan | Sinéad O'Connor | Steve Ballmer | Tammy Thompson | Terry | Terry's Wife | The Sony President | Thompson | Unnamed Black Vampire | Van Halen | Yo Gabba Gabba
More information: Season Seventeen | List of Minor Characters from Season Seventeen