South Park Archives
South Park Archives

"Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo" was first featured in the episode, "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo", sung by Kyle Broflovski. An extended version of the song was written for the introduction of the episode, "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics".


This song is sung by Kyle Broflovski and by the town in "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo". In "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics", it is sung by the Mailman and various children.


"Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo"

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
he loves me and I love you
Therefore, vicariously he loves you even if...

"Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics"

We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose
And we all know Frosty whose made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of... gay
Cuz we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Small and brown he comes from you
Sit on the toilet here he comes
Squeeze him between your festive buns

A present from down below
Spreading joy with a "howdy ho"
He's seen the love inside of you
Cuz' he's a piece of poo

Sometimes he's nutty
Sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish-brown (Mmm Mmm)
But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve he might come to your town.

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
He loves me I love you
Therefore vicariously he loves you

I can make a Mr Hankey too!
(fart noise)

Well Kyle where is he?

He's comin'

C'mon dude push!

I'm trying!

Oh wait wait I can see his head!

(fart noise)

Mr. Hankey:
I'm Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Seasons greetings to all of you

Let's sing songs and dance and play
Now before I melt away
Here's a game I like to play
Stick me in your mouth and try to say

Howdy ho ho yum yum yum
Christmas time has come!
Sometimes he's runny
Sometimes he's firm

Sometimes he's practically water
Sometime he hangs off the end of your ass
and won't fall in the toilet
Cuz he's just clinging to your sphincter

and he won't drop off and so you
shake your ass around and try to get it to drop in the toilet
and finally it does

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
When Christmas leaves he must leave too
Flush him down but he's never gone
His smell and his spirit lingers on....
Howdy ho!


  • Following the year after Chocolate Salty Balls (Song) was launched in 1998, the song ranked 2nd in the prestigious British Christmas Chart. Later, it was moved to the highest rank (First) in the following week. Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo was ranked on the Top 10 list for Christmas of 1999. As 1999 came to a close, it scored fourth in the final chart of the 1990s.

Songs from Season One
Ave Satani | Bar-bura, Bar-bura | Canon in D | Christmas Lovin' | Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel | Gonna Fly | Happy, Happy, Happy | Hot Lava | I Love to Singa | I Remember When We Fell in Love | I'm Gonna Be On Television | I'm Gonna Make Love to You, Woman | If My Friends Could See Me Now | It's Okay to Be Gay | It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year | Kumbaya | Kyle's Mom's a Bitch | Love Gravy | Loving the Football | Lovin' You | Make Love, Even When I'm Dead | Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo | No Substitute | Now You're a Man | Oh Kathie Lee | Pig and Elephant DNA Just Won't Splice | Rabartu Smitu, Rabartu Smitu | Romeo and Juliet | Santa Claus is On His Way | School Days | Shadow Dancing | The Lonely Jew on Christmas | There You Are! | Waitin' On a Women | We Wish You a Merry Christmas | We're All Special

See also: List of Songs | List of Minor Characters from Season One | Season One

Songs from Season Three
Auld Lang Syne | Believe | Carol of the Bells | Christmas Medley | Christmas Time in Hell | Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel | Falling Away from Me | Getting Gay With Kids | Got to Buy Chinpokomon | Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas | Help Me Buy Chinpokomon | Holy Diver | Home School Miracle | I Am Chewbacca | I Hate You Guys | I Saw Three Ships | Kumbaya | Love Bug | Merry Fucking Christmas | Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo | My Country Tis of Thee | O Holy Night | O Tannenbaum | Rebecca's Song | Sexual Harassment Panda | Shelly, Shelly | Silver Bells | Sleigh Ride | Soaring So High | The Brown Note | The Menstrual Cycle Song | The Morning After | Turds! | Wild Wild West Rap | You and Me, Girl

See also: List of Songs | List of Minor Characters from Season Three | Season Three