Mexican Joker/Script

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"Mexican Joker/Script"

"Band in China/Script"

Cast

• Eric Cartman
• Stan Marsh
• Kyle Broflovski
• Randy Marsh
• Sharon Marsh
• Towelie
• Jimbo Kern
• Mr. Mackey
• Gerald Broflovski
• Sheila Broflovski
• Ike Broflovski
• Stephen Stotch
• Rodgers, David, and Jeff Corrigan
• ICE Agents (6)
• Bigwigs 2 and 1
• Clerk 1
• Clerk 2
• Diego, Esposa, and Girl 1
• Martinez, Aguilar, Boy, Girl 2
• Princess Star and Mexican Joker
• Jack and Wife
• News Anchor and Cmdr Miller

Script

Mexican Joker
	The South Park theme song is replaced by one for the new series, Tegridy Farms, starring Randy Marsh: Goin' down to Tegridy Farms, gonna have myself a time. Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation, Goin' down to Tegridy Farms, gonna leave my woes behind. There's ample parking day or night, people spouting, 'Howdy, neighbor!' I'm headin' on up to Tegridy Farms, gonna see if I can't unwind… Towelie: I got ...some weed and I don't know what's goin' on Come on down to Tegridy Farms and meet some friends of mine… As the song plays, this happens: a flyover shot of the valley Tegridy Farms is in. A jar of Tegridy Weed floats by. Randy is shown driving his tractor. The camera zooms on on a house on which roof "Tegridy Farms" is painted. Shelley and Stan are reaping weed as Randy looks on, toking. Towelie enters the house. Randy shows off his greenhouse. Sharon vacuums hanging harvested weed. Randy walks out of the barn covered in weed. Randy and Towelie each smoke a joint on the couch. Randy tries baking brownies and burns them. Smoke comes out of the oven while he holds a tray of them. Randy poses with the family and with Towelie as the song ends. Only Randy and Towelie smile.
	The camera pans up from the weed patch and aims at the house. Bunches of weed hang from clotheslines as a fan softly dries them
Randy	[voice-over] Some people like their weed made the old-fashioned way. [several laborers are in the field harvesting weed] Here at Tegridy, we believe weed is about people. [Randy is shown leading a group of people on a tour of his operation.] Over the past few months, Tegridy has expanded from the simple farmhouse you see behind me to actually owning the entire 420 Valley. And I think you'll see on this tour that even though our business has grown, we just kept our weed simple. [Randy continues the tour on a tram] It takes over a thousand plants to make just one box of Tegridy Weed. [points to his left] There's Juan Carlos over there; he's one of our newest employees. [calls out to him] 'Mornin' Juan Carlos! [Juan Carlos looks up and meekly waves back. Passengers take pictures of him. The next scene has Randy and the group on a moving sidewalk] What happens when you combine science... with Tegridy? A lot of magic. Here you can see our latest growing methods along with our science center. [Towelie is shown sampling the weed. Next stop, the tasting room. Randy and the group ride up in a small riverboat, the S.S. Tegridy.] And of course, it wouldn't be Colorado weed without our Rocky Mountain High tasting room. Feel free to come back here later and try all our... Tegridy products. [the tour ends, and Randy leads the group out] Well, folks, we hope you enjoyed your tour. There's a lot to buy here in the gift shop and, please, do remember, your tour guides work on tips. Let's give me a big hand. [the grop claps]
	Tegridy Farms house, living room. Stan tallies the day's receipts on the laptop and Cartman chills on the sofa.
Cartman	This sucks balls. Ever since you guys moved, everything just keeps changing. I mean, how are all us kids supposed to have any hope anymore? All I think about is all the problems our generation is inheriting: climate change, overfishing, Kyle. I mean, how are we supposed to get happy about anything? [Randy comes in] Hey there, Stan. You input all the weed orders?
Stan	Yeah, it's all right here.
Randy	Ah, hahah-uhl, oh. [scratches the back of his neck] Looks like our orders are actually... down. You sure you did that right?
Stan	Yeah, I went through it twice. People aren't ordering as much as last month.
Randy	Not ordering as much? Why... what the hell is going on?
	South Park, day. Randy drives up to the Stotch house, goes to the front door and rings the bell. Stephen answers
Stephen	Oh, hey Randy.
Randy	[with a box of Tegridy Weed, tips his hat to him] Howdy, Stephen. How've you been gettin' on?
Stephen	Good. How's life in the Valley been treatin' ya?
Randy	Oh, it's early mornin's and lots of hard work, but, gotta do what's best for my young 'uns. I've noticed you haven't supplied up in a while, Stephen, so I thought I'd deliver your weed to you personally.
Stephen	Oh... yeah, no [scratches the back of his neck], I... actually... hadn't ordered any in a while.
Randy	Why not? You're not gettin' all sober on us, are ya?
Stephen	No. Well... here, let me show you. [takes Randy to the back yard shows him what he's been up to] What do you think? [before them is Stephen's starter weed garden] I started growing my own plants a couple of weeks ago. I totally get it. It's a really fun hobby. That's Diego, my gardener.
Randy	Ohhh he, haha, hey... fuck you.
Stephen	What?
Randy	My weed not good enough for ya? Something wrong with Tegridy?
Stephen	No, I just started kinda getting into it. I just enjoy the whole-
Randy	You're stealing my idea Stephen!
Stephen	Come on, growing marijuana is not your idea.
Randy	Yeah-huh! While you assholes were all screwing around, I went out and made a living! When you grow your own pot, you're taking weed out of my children's mouths!
Mr. Mackey	[enters the back yard through the sliding door] Oh hey, guys. Sorry, the front door was open, so I just walked on in. Seein' if I could still get those seeds from ya, Stephen?
Randy	[glares at Stephen] What seeds?!
Mr. Mackey	Oh, I was gonna try my hand at growin' some weed and Stephen said he'd give me some seeds to get started.
Randy	[sticks up both middle fingers to Stephen and Mr. Mackey] FUUUCK YOU GUYS! [turns to Stephen] I'll get you for this, Stephen! You mess with my Tegridy, and I'm gonna mess with you! [leaves the yard. Moments later, he returns for the weed he was going to leave to Stephen, looks at Mr. Mackey, and walks out]
	Kum & Go liquor store. A depressed Cartman walks up to a soda fountain with a Mega Gulp cup and serves himself a bunch of sodas, then goes to the coffee machine and serves himself some decaf coffee in the same cup. He then walks up to the counter and pays up
Clerk 1	You alright there, partner?
Cartman	Kids are being handed a world that's broken and sick. We aren't the ones who messed this planet up, but we're the ones who will pay the price.
Clerk 1	Okay, you have a nice day. [Cartman takes his change and receipt, and walks out.]
	Outide the liquor store. As Cartman leaves the store, a Department of Homeland Security car zooms by, followed by a black van. Cartman just looks on and takes a sip of his soda.
	The Stotch house. ICE agents are at the house hauling Diego out. Stephen chases after them.
Diego	¡Por favor no! ¡Por favor! Nomás quiero trabajar! ["Please no! please! I just want to work!"]
Stephen	This is inhumane! Diego is my gardener!
Cartman	[walks up and looks at an agent while taking a sip of his drink] What's going on?
Agent 1	This is an ICE raid, son. You need to keep back.
Agent 2	Put him in my car. [a third agent takes Diego away]
Cartman	What did that guy do?
Agent 1	Somebody called in an anonymous tip that he might be here illegally.
Esposa	¡No! ¡No te lo puedes llevar! ¡Es mi esposo! ¡Mi esposo! ["No! You can't take him away! He's my husband! My husband!"] [A female agent in a hoodie takes her away]
Girl	Papa! Papa, no! Papa!
Agent 3	Wife goes in the van, kids can go with Donovan. [A male agent grabs the kids and carries them offscreen]
Stephen	Who called you people?! It was Randy Marsh, wasn't it?!
Agent 1	We're just doin' our job, sir. If the family checks out, we'll release them from their detention centers.
Cartman	Detention centers? [perks up] Well, this is nice! When did we start doing this?
Agent 4	[the female agent] Kids go to LS22.
Cartman	So anyone can make an anonymous tip and you can round up families and send them away? Nobody told me about this! I thought everything sucked now! Do you have a card?
	The Broflovski house, day. Ike is playing with blocks on the floor. Kyle is watching TV and eating cereal on the sofa as the phone rings. He picks up after seeing who's calling
Kyle	What do you want?
	Cartman residence, Eric's bedroom. Cartman is reclining back with his legs up on his desk, looking at his nails while acting rather smug.
Cartman	Do you remember last week you called me a butthole in front of Suzie Tobler?
Kyle	Yeah, 'cause you were gonna snap her bra.
Cartman	I want you to apologize for every time you've been a dick to me, Kyle.
Kyle	Fuck you.
Cartman	Oh! Are you sure you don't want to take that back? Uh-okay Kyle. Just remember, I gave you a chance. [the doorbell rings, and Ike goes to the door]
Kyle	Are you done now? Can I hang up? [as Ike opens the door, ICE agents burst in and fan out]
Agent 2	220. We've breached the front door.
Kyle	Hello?
Ike	Mommy! Mommy!
Gerald	[coming in from the kitchen] Excuse me, what is going on? [more agents come in through the back door behind him. The female puts Gerald against a wall and frisks him.]
Agent 5	640. On the first floor. [Agent 3 brings Sheila down the stairs]
Sheila	Who are you people?
Agent 3	We're ICE, ma'am.
Gerald	We're American citizens!
Agent 5	Just doin' our job, sir. If you check out, you'll be released from the detention centers.
Gerald	Get the fuck out of my house! [the agents haul the Broflovskis out the door.]
Kyle	Mom! Dad!
Gerald	This is ridiculous! You can't take our children away from us!
Cartman	[looking on through binoculars from his bedroom window and chuckles while snacking on chips.] That's so sweet.
Agent 2	You guys take the parents, we'll take the kids. [Ike runs to Sheila and holds on to her]
Agent 1	[grabs ahold of him] Come on, you! [grunts as he struggles to pull Ike off Sheila]
Sheila	NO! You will not take my children from me!
Cartman	Ha ha. No way. [grabs a handful of chips and eats them]
Gerald	I-I'm telling you, I just don't know where our passports are!
Agent 3	Then we have to detain you. If you're legal, you can sort it all out on Monday.
Sheila	Monday?! [agent 2 pulls Ike off Sheila. Kyle is pushed into the back of a black sedan. He looks up from the backseat and sees Cartman smiling and waving to him.]
Kyle	Goddamit, Cartman!
Sheila	Ike! [to the agents] YOU CAN'T DO THIS! [Ike is put in the back of agent 2's car. The agents pull away from the house in their cruisers]
	City Hall, day. Stan speaks to the city council. Randy and Towelie sit in the otherwise empty audience section, and Randy interjects from time to time.
Stan	[reading from 3x5 index cards] What happened to our country? People are being wronged by a broken system, and we must say "NO MORE." No more homegrown marijuana.
Randy	[voicing several fake witnesses] Yeah, that's right! Yeah, that's right. Me too. Yeah, that's right!
Stan	As the son of a proud American farmer, I am concerned about what homegrown can lead to. People can grow weed wrong and poison themselves. What?
Randy	Yeah, that's right. Yeah! Come on!
Stan	Unscrupulous growers could use cheap irrigation and drown babies. Oh, come on.
Randy	That's right. Drown babies, yeah. Drown babies, that's right. Drown babies.
Stan	The fact is simple. Marijuana must be grown with Tegridy.
Randy	Tegridy.
Stan	[mimicking Randy] Tegridy.
	South Park, on the drive home. Randy, Stan, and Towelie are quiet
Randy	[Angrily takes a hit from his joint] Stupid government! How can they sit there and look a child in the face and it's fine for people to grow their own weed?!
Towelie	[starts to roll a joint] Oh, why does it matter?
Randy	Why does it? Ugh! Am I the only person here who understands what this will do to us?!
Stan	Yeah, but Dad, you're gonna piss off everybody in South Park.
Randy	You know what? Fuck South Park!
Towelie	Fuck South Park?
Randy	Yeah, I'm sick it! I'm just- I'm done! I don't give two shits about South Park! All that matters is Tegridy Farms now!
Towelie	... I don't know if you wanna say "Fuck South Park."
	A detention center in Texas, day. An ICE bus pulls up and drops off its group of kids. Kyle is among them
Jeff	Good day, children. My name is Jeff.
David	Buenos días, niños. Me llamo Jefe. ["Good morning, kids. My name is Heff-e"]
Jeff	We know you've been separated from your families.
David	Tu familia no está aquí, Es triste. Tu kri. Tu kri. ["Your family is not here. So sad. You cry. You cry."]
Jeff	But we want you to get a little excited about the fun we have in store for you.
David	Aquí es mervilosa! Divértida! ["It's marvelous here! Fun!"] [the two agents lead the kids inside]
	The detention center, inside
Jeff	Everyone, please take your own piece of aluminum foil.
David	Papél de aluminió, por favor. ["Please take a sheet of aluminium"] [each kid takes an aluminum sheet and goes into a large space to be used for sleeping]
Rodgers	All new kids, el nombre ["Name"]. Line up and announce when your name is read. Martinez!
Martinez	Aquí. ["Here"]
Rodgers	Aguilar?
Aguilar	Aquí. ["Here"]
Rodgers	Broflovski?
Kyle	Here! [the agent is shocked and looks around, then looks at David, approaching]
David	Broflovski - is, is that an El Salvadorean name?
Kyle	No, I'm Jewish. [Jeff and the other two agents are alarmed.]
Jeff	What?! How did a Jew get in here?
Kyle	I'm just here because some fat intolerant asshole didn't want me around!
Boy	Yeah, that's why I'm here too.
Girl	Yeah, me too.
Jeff	Oh boy, we've gotta get this kid out of here. [voice softens to a whisper] People might think we're racist.
	The Marsh house, day. A car pulls up and two corporate bigwigs step out of it and walk to the front door. Randy comes out to greet his guests.
Randy	Ah, sorry, tours at 11 and 2, and 4:20.
Bigwig 1	Oh, we're not here for a tour, we represent a billion-dollar marijuana company.
Randy	Ohh, I told you rich, big-city folk before: You can't buy Tegridy!
Bigwig 1	You seem to be fighting the same fight we are. We just wanna help you. [pulls out a joint and lights it up with a lighter, then takes a toke before handing it to Randy.] Ever heard of Med Men?
Randy	Yeah, I think so. [takes a toke and hands it back] What do you want with me?
Bigwig 1	Well, we have a common problem. [takes a toke] Homegrown weed.
Bigwig 2	[takes the joint from his partner] We're just worried about safety, you know? [takes a toke] Babies drowning in irrigation and such.
Randy	[takes the joint from Bigwig 2] Yeah, I hate watching babies drown. [takes a toke] Seems like a waste of a good baby. [hands the joint to Bigwig 1]
Bigwig 1	We're glad you agree. [takes a toke] Now what-? [Randy tokes several times]
Randy	So you guys wanna team up and piggyback on the goodwill of the legalization movement for some good old-fashioned crony capitalism? I'm totally in. [exhales and a bunch of smoke drifts out]
	Detention center, Texas, day. Jeff, Kyle, and another agent site in Jeff's office. Behind Kyle is a waiting room with a one-way window
Jeff	Sorry for our little mistake. We're goin' to get you on your way home as soon as we can.
Kyle	What about all the other kids? When do they get to go home?
Jeff	Hey. When it's raining, you gotta roll up the windows. We understand these things are hard for your people.
Kyle	My people? Aren't you worried about what you're creating here?!
Jeff	What do you mean?
Kyle	You're pulling children away from their parents and isolating them behind bars.
Jeff	Yes.
Kyle	You're traumatizing them and teaching them to fear the U.S. government.
Jeff	Correct.
Kyle	Okay, let me try to put this in terms you people will understand. You know superhero movies, right?
David	[gets excited and looks up from his phone] Yeah!
Kyle	Okay. You remember how they always create the villain? Some random person who, when they were a child, got taken from their parents and locked away? And the kid was just left to sit and plot revenge? What you're doing here is creating a Mexican Joker! [The agents get alarmed again] And what's a Mexican Joker gonna do? He's gonna grow up and have memories of being wronged by you, and he will grow and wait, and then finally [makes a fist with his right hand and pounds it into his left hand] fight back with a passion unlike anything you've ever seen!
Jeff	Which one of them do you think is Mexican Joker?
Kyle	No, it could be any of them! That's the point! You don't know which kid in there is gonna snap from being separated and locked down like this!
David	But... Doesn't Mexican Joker understand that we're just doing our job and making America great?
Kyle	Mexican Joker doesn't care! When that kid grows up, all that will matter is getting back at all of you!
David	Well, what would Mexican Joker-
Jeff	Hey David, can I talk to you alone, please. Excuse us, kid. [Jeff puts Kyle in a waiting room just outside the office. Jeff and David begin to argue, but the office is soundproof, so we hear nothing. The camera switches to inside the office] Now then, the most important thing is that we've got to keep this quiet! We can't let Mexican Joker know that we're onto him.
David	I don't wanna be part of a bad guy flashback scene. Maybe we should get kids out of here.
Jeff	Now, listen: that's just what he wants us to do.
David	What are you saying?
Jeff	Im saying, what if he's on Mexican Joker's side? [the both look at Kyle through the window]
	The Marsh living room, evening. Randy has taken to adding up the tally himself on the laptop. Towelie enters the room
Towelie	[upset] Hey Randy, did you go make a deal with another weed company?
Randy	Yes, Towelie. I'm working on a merger with Med Men.
Towelie	Med Men? But, those guys are posers.
Randy	We have a deal in the works to help each other put a stop to home-growers once and for all.
Towelie	Jesus... You know, I knew a guy who thought weed should be for everybody. A guy who believed in integrity. I don't understand who you even are anymore.
Randy	That's because I'm the president of the company, and YOU are a TOWEL!
Towelie	YOU're a towel!
Randy	What is wrong with trying to protect our business? [Towelie walks towards the front door]
Towelie	[stops and turns around] Because weed isn't supposed to be some money-grubbin' business model! It's a gift from God! And not something to exploited by some stupid towel! [opens the door and steps out]
Randy	I AM NOT A TOWEL!
Towelie	[turns around] Yeah. Yeah, sure thing, Randy. You are not a towel. [leaves, and Randy sighs with a mix of relief and anger]
	The Texas detention center, day. Jeff puts on a puppet show with David on the bullhorn and another agent at the spinet piano. Jeff provides the voices.
Princess Star	My name is Princess Star, for I shine like all the stars in the night sky.
Jeff	Kids, let's all say hi to Princess Star!
David	Hi, Princess Star.
Mexican Joker	Ha ha ha haa! It's me, Mexican Jokerrrrr!
Jeff	Oh no! Everyone boo Mexican Joker, kids! Boooo!
David	Boooo!
Mexican Joker	I'm filled with anger and rage for what happened to me as a child! So now I will kill and rape you all!
Princess Star	But Mexican Joker, you forget the magic word: Forgiveness. [a ding prompts the screen behind Jeff to come on and show "FORGIVENESS/EL PARDON"]
Mexican Joker	I don't care about forgiveness!
Princess Star	But you are a migrant from another country. We had to protect our borders and secure our jobs.
Mexican Joker	I don't care! I'm going to rape you now! [Jeff has Mexican Joker rape Princess Star]
Princess Star	Oh no, no, what about forgiveness?
Mexican Joker	No forgiveness! [the kids' jaws drop as they see this simulated rape]
Jeff	Boo! That's enough, Mexican Joker! Your rage and your anger have made you a bad person in the eyes of Christ. I know your life was hard as a kid, but everyone has hard times. [a bell rings and the show stops]
Agent 6	Another busload comin' in.
Jeff	[weary] Another busload? Oh, criminy!
	Texas detention center, outside. The ICE bus pulls up again and drops off its load of kids. This time, Cartman is among the kids. Kyle goes to the window to see the new kids.
Jeff	Welcome, children. My name is Jeff.
David	Hola niños, me llamo Jefe... ["Hello, kids. My name is Heff-e..."] [the kids are processed as before, but don't receive aluminum blankets. They go to the sleeping area. Cartman walks up to Kyle, who glares at him]
Cartman	Oh, hey Kyle.
Kyle	What the fuck are you doing here?!
Cartman	So weak. Jimmy pissed me off 'cause he told the teacher I was texting in class, so I told Jimmy I'd have him sent off to a migrant detention center. He didn't believe me, so I said "Oh, I already did it to Kyle." Stan heard that, so he got pissed off and had me sent off to a migrant detention center.
Kyle	I haven't seen my parents in *two weeks*! Nobody even knows where my little brother is!
Cartman	I know. I know it sucks. But we're stuck in here together. Come on, buys. All we have to do is try to make the most of it. [smiles]
	It's a hard knock life for us. It's a hard knock life for us. [bounces around]'
	South Park, day. Randy wanders through Downtown and stops at CottonCraft Linen & Towels, where he stares at the window display of towels.
Clerk 2	Hey, are you gonna buy a towel or just stare at them?
Randy	I'm not a towel!
Clerk 2	Go on! Get out of here! [Randy turns and walks away. As he walks down the sidewalk, he starts to groan as memories of recent days come flooding into his mind, accompanies by a range of emotions. The imaginary heads of Mr. Mackey, Stephen and Jimbo start to float around Randy]
Mr. Mackey	Yeah, you know, I think I'll just grow my own weed.
Stephen	Oh yeah, I'm growin' my own weed.
Jimbo	I enjoy growin' my own weed now.
Stephen	I'll grow my own weed.
Jimbo	My own weed.
Mr. Mackey	My own weed. I'll grow my own weed.
Jimbo	I enjoy growin' my own weed.
Stephen	Hey, I think I'll just grow my own weed. [Randy finds himself inside CottonCraft and angrily stares at the towels on display again.]
Clerk 2	[throws him out] I said get out of here if you aren't buying towels! [Randy walks on getting filled with rage as he hears the voices again.]
Stephen	I'll grow my own weed.
Jimbo	My own weed.
Stephen	My own weed. I'll grow my own weed.
Jimbo	I'll grow my own weed.
Stephen	I'll grow my own weed.
Randy	[falling into despair thinking of himself as a towel] Aaaaaaaaaaah! [roars as he falls onto his knees in the middle of the street] Ah. Augh! Aaaaawwww!!
	Texas detention center clinic. A boy is strapped down to a table and wearing an electrified headband. He has a gag in his mouth. An agent zaps electricity through the boy from the headband
Jeff	Hey. Hey! What the hell are you guys doin'?!
David	Oh, hey Jeff. Rodgers read an article about how electroshock therapy can help people who've gone through traumatic experiences. We figured some treatments could help Mexican Joker deal with his trauma.
Jeff	Are you guys completely stupid?! We can't perform shock therapy on every child that comes in here! Think of the budgetary restraints!
David	To hell with the costs, Jeff! If Mexican Joker doesn't have flashbacks, then he doesn't grow up to be a monster!
Jeff	What if this IS the flashback?! We might be IN the flashback, Dave! Maybe you're shocking the child that grows up to be Mexican Joker! [Rodgers takes over and zaps the boy]
David	[distraught] Oh God! I don't know which way is up anymore!
Jeff	We can't fight this guy alone, Dave. It's time to alert the military.
	Texas detention center clinic. The lights are out and most of the kids are asleep. Kyle and Cartman sleep back to back, but Cartman stands up and sings, and Kyle gets annoyed.
Cartman	Don't it feel like the wind is always howlin'? Don't it seem like there's never any light? Santa never comes for me. Santa Claus no está aquí. ["Santa Claus is not here"] [Kyle takes his aluminum sheet, goes to a wall and wraps himself up in the sheet, then rests against that wall. Cartman follows him] Aw, come on, Kyle. I know it's no fun to be in here, but you can't think about yourself. Think about the greater good. [thinks a moment] Now, when you don't like people, you can have then taken from their families and put into camps. Why does that make you [gasps in realization] Ohhh my God. Ohhh Jesus, Kyle. I've totally forgotten you're a... Of course, you're extra sensitive to this stuff. Oh, dude, I'm so sorry. [Kyle takes his sheet and leaves the wall.] Oh, my God, Kyle. I didn't even make the connection, you know? I was just like, Oh, I'm gonna have Kyle thrown into a detention camp. That'll be sweet," and I didn't stop to think that... for you guys... it's not that sweet. Man, if I had just thought it through for like, two more minutes, I would have got you back some other way. I feel terrible, Kyle.
Kyle	Wait. I have an idea how to get everyone out of here. Get everyone's aluminum foil and some scissors.
Cartman	Why, Kyle? What are you gonna do with-
Kyle	Just do it before I kill you!
Cartman	Aluminum foil and some scissors. [walks off to collect them]
	A couple washing dishes in their own kitchen.
Husband	That was a great dinner, honey.
Wife	What do you wanna do for dessert?
Husband	Hey! How about I cut us down some of our homegrown weed and we get baked?
Wife	I'm in. [the husband walks out to the backyard for some weed and hears some noise. In the shadows, Randy sneaks away]
Husband	Is someone there? [no other sound is heard] Huh. [walks to his weed and pulls out a knife to cut some down]
Wife	Jack? Everything alright?
Jack	Yeah. You want a normal size, or a big fatty? [the weed explodes and rips him to bits] Aa-
Wife	JAACK! [a series of explosions follow throughout the neighborhood]
	Breaking News
News Anchor	A brutal act of terror in an American town. Tonight, innocent people were attacked at their homes, in their yards, and the FBI believes they know who is responsible. The probable suspect? [A portrait sketch of a Mexican male with a thin mustache, wearing a sombrero appears at the corner of the screen.] Mexican Joker. [shows a look of dread, as the sound of people screaming is heard] Uhuh. Yeah, that's right. Joining me now is Commander Miller of National Defense.
Cmdr Miller	We've only recently learned of Mexican Joker's existence.
News Anchor	Waa huhaugh.
Cmdr Miller	He has no reason. He has no compassion.
News Anchor	Aaagh.
Cmdr Miller	Mexican Joker simply wants to invoke fear.
News Anchor	Oohh!
Cmdr Miller	We are advising people to stay inside!
News Anchor	Uh, look. Captain, uh... Captain, what made Mexican Joker this way? Why is Mexican Joker so... filled with hate?
Cmdr Miller	Well, it's most likely something that happened to him as a child. Whatever bent Mexican Joker's mind this way, it clearly happened a... long... a long time ago. [the news break dissolves into the Texas detention center, and Jeff is at his desk]
Jeff	Oh shit, it's the flashback!
David	This is the flashback?!
Jeff	It's the flashback! Come on! Something must be happening with the kids! [the agents rush to the sleeping area and see a gathering] Oh Christ, look!
Kyle	Shema Israel Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai ehad. ["Hear, Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One."]
Jeff	He's converting them all to Judaism!
Kids	Shema Israel Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai ehad. ["Hear, Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One."]
Jeff	Oh Jesus, they're all Jews with their little aluminum foil yarmulkes!
David	Jeff, you know what this means? Now we'll have to let them all go! This is how Mexican Joker breaks free!
Jeff	Hey, that's right. It is. [takes out a pistol and shoots both David and Rodgers in the head, then shoots another agent inside the sleeping area. All three agents die]
Cartman	Whoa!
Jeff	[pulls our his key ring and fumbles for the right key] Mexican Joker, I just want you to remember that I helped you. Jeff Corrigan. Remember, Jeff was your buddy. Now, come on! Let's go, Mexican Joker! [unlocks the gate]
Kyle	Goddamnit, nobody here is Mexican Joker! That's not what I meant! The future is not set! We make decisions now that affect our future!
Jeff	Nobody here is Mexican Joker?
Kyle	NO!!
Jeff	Oh, then I'm in the wrong flashback. [runs off and out of the center, kills a couple of more guards, hops into a car and drives away. The kids listen to the whole thing]
	Tegridy Farms, dawn. Inside, the family is having breakfast. Randy paces around the table and takes a seat between Sharon and Stan
Randy	Well, gang. Looks like Tegridy Farms are turning big profits again. We're on our way to becoming the biggest weed brand in the country. I'm not getting pushed around now, you got it? So go on. Anybody here wants to call me a towel, just go ahead and do it! Go on, Sharon. Call me a towel.
Sharon	Fine. You're a towel. [gets up and walks away]
Randy	Best towel you ever had, bitch!
End of Mexican Joker