Changes: Mephesto and Kevin

Revision as of 09:27, 8 November 2018

"Mephesto and Kevin" is a song performed by Primus which appears on Chef Aid: The South Park Album.

Lyrics

In 1986 the University of California Davis sought two of the all-time brightest stars: Dr. Alphonse Mephesto, and Dr. Arny Abe Sacrabin. Dr. Mephesto worked hard toward his thesis. His goal was to genetically duplicate the DNA structure of asparagus so that all asparagus would grow to the same girth and length, giving asparagus a much more pleasant presentation in the world's supermarket vegetable business.

Dr. Abe Sacrabin's goal was to genetically create the greatest musical entertainer the world had ever seen. Dr. Abe Sacrabin knew that if he could assemble the right elements he could theoretically build a DNA structure that would ensure his creation of talent far surpassing the average individual.

At the time, one subject of urban myth was the story that Michael Jackson, in an effort to retain his youthful look and feminine vocal characteristics, had his testicles surgically removed, thereby making him a modern day Castrato. If such a rumor were true, Michael Jackson more than likely would have some of his semen preserved before the surgery to insure the future of his name and lineage.

Word came back to Dr. Abe Sacrabin of a secret cold storage locker deep within the bowels of a UCLA research center that not only contained four containers of frozen semen, but also held a pair of testicles each was labeled with the name Jack Michaelson.

What's that noise
In the night the most sentuaint voice
The song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head
And this is what he said

"I am gopher boy
pondering reality
I am gopher boy
Who will buy my raspberries?"

This had to be the seed of the king of pop. Dr. Abe Sacrabin was able to use his charm and chiseled great features to woo a young lab technician by the name of Jennifer who of course just happened to have the proper access needed to obtain a small vile of the precious semen.

The search for the egg was a short one. Dr. Mephesto simply ran an ad in the classified section of an LA Music magazine. The ad read: "Wanted: Unfertilized human eggs for genetic experiment. Donors must have musical background."

With a plethora of young eager wannabe musical starlets, willing to sell their eggs, the two doctors, after rigorous auditioning, picked and purchased. Dr. Abe Sacrabin felt that it would be far less complicated legally if the fetus was brought to term in the womb of a non-human. He had long since secured the services of the University Volleyball Mascot: a llama by the name of Missy.

When the baby was ready, the child was removed via caesarean.
It was a healthy baby boy. He was named Kevin.

What's that noise
In the night the most sentuaint voice
The song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head,
And this is what he said

"I am gopher boy
Pondering reality
I am gopher boy
Who will buy my raspberries?"

Kevin was a beautiful child. Dr. Abe Sacrabin saw to it that Kevin was trained by the best in all aspects of performing. His voice was golden and had a sweetness to it that most males lacked. He moved with grace and was able to moonwalk by the time he was three.

As Kevin grew with talent, Dr. Abe Sacrabin started noticing odd developments in his physical state. When Kevin lost his baby teeth, his secondaries came in with a vengeance, they were at least twice the size as a normal adult's and the two in
front stuck nearly straight out. Also as Kevin reached the 8th year, he was the same height as he was when he was 4.

To top it off, he was growing hair all over and his penis was enormous, even by adult standards. It also dawned on the doctor that even through all the years of hearing Kevin's singing, he rarely spoke, often chosing to communicate through various grunts and gurgles

What's that noise
In the night the most sentuaint voice
The song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head
And this is what he said

"I am gopher boy
Pondering reality
I am Gopher Boy
Who will buy my raspberries?"

Other's were noticing the changes in Kevin. The children began to tease him, call him "Gopher Boy". One Day, a bully by the name of Big Roy started throwing bananas at him. Soon a crowd of kids were all throwing bananas. Suddenly, in a fury, Kevin rushed at Big Roy and bit three fingers off on his left hand.

Kevin was taken away and placed in the custody of the state. Dr. Abe Sacrabin actions were found out, but because there was no legislation concerning the genetic construction of another human being, no criminal charges were brought forth.

The medical association's board of ethics stripped him of all his credentials and his reputation was ruined. In fact, his name became so synonymous with failure that for years to come, med students around the world were known to say in time of mishap,"Damn, I feel just like Abe Sacrabin."

Dr. Mephesto immediately began proceeds to adopt little Kevin. Being a noted scientist and the creator of the cloned asparagus, it wasn't long before the two were legally united as father and son. They moved to Colorado, where they live in relative obscurity.

Kevin is still a boy of few spoken words, sticking mainly to his grunts and gurgles, but on occasion, if you listen closely, you can hear his sweet golden singing voice, ring out into the night, over the small town of South Park.

"I am gopher boy
Pondering reality
I am Gopher Boy
Who will buy my raspberries?"

@@ Line 2: / Line 2: @@
 |image = [[File:Chefaid.jpg|250px]]
 |name = {{PAGENAME}}
-|album = [[Chef Aid: The South Park Album]]
+|album = ''[[Chef Aid: The South Park Album]]''
 |writer = [[Les Claypool]] and [[Trey Parker]]
 |performer = [[PRIMUS]]
+}}'''"Mephesto and Kevin"''' is a song performed by [[Primus]] which appears on ''[[Chef Aid: The South Park Album]]''.
-}}
-'''"Mephisto and Kevin"''' is a song performed by [[Primus]] which appears on ''[[Chef Aid: The South Park Album]]''.
 ==Lyrics==
@@ Line 14: / Line 12: @@
 Dr. Abe Sacrabin's goal was to genetically create the greatest musical entertainer the world had ever seen. Dr. Abe Sacrabin knew that if he could assemble the right elements he could theoretically build a DNA structure that would ensure his creation of talent far surpassing the average individual.
-At the, one subject of urban myth was the story that Michael Jackson, in an effort to retain his youthful look and feminine vocal characteristics, had his
+At the time, one subject of urban myth was the story that Michael Jackson, in an effort to retain his youthful look and feminine vocal characteristics, had his testicles surgically removed, thereby making him a modern day Castrato. If such a rumor were true, Michael Jackson more than likely would have some of his semen preserved before the surgery to insure the future of his name and lineage.
-testicles surgically removed, thereby making him a modern day Castrato. If such a rumor were true, Michael Jackson more than likely would have some of his semen preserved before the surgery to insure the future of his name and lineage.
 Word came back to Dr. Abe Sacrabin of a secret cold storage locker deep within the bowels of a UCLA research center that not only contained four containers of frozen semen, but also held a pair of testicles each was labeled with the name Jack Michaelson.
@@ Line 35: / Line 32: @@
 The search for the egg was a short one. Dr. Mephesto simply ran an ad in the classified section of an LA Music magazine. The ad read: "Wanted: Unfertilized human eggs for genetic experiment. Donors must have musical background."
-With a plethora of young eager wannabe musical starlets, willing to sell their eggs, the two doctors, after rigorous auditioning, picked and purchased. Dr. Abe Sacrabin felt that it would be far less complicated legally if the fetus was brought to term in the womb of a non-human. He had long since secured the services of the University Volleyball Mascot; a llama by the name of Missy.
+With a plethora of young eager wannabe musical starlets, willing to sell their eggs, the two doctors, after rigorous auditioning, picked and purchased. Dr. Abe Sacrabin felt that it would be far less complicated legally if the fetus was brought to term in the womb of a non-human. He had long since secured the services of the University Volleyball Mascot: a llama by the name of Missy.
-When the baby was ready, the child was removed via cesarean.
+When the baby was ready, the child was removed via caesarean.
 It was a healthy baby boy. He was named Kevin.
@@ Line 71: / Line 68: @@
 Who will buy my raspberries?"
-Other's were noticing the changes in Kevin. The children began to tease him, call him "Gopher Boy". One Day, a bully by the name of Big Roy, started throwing bananas at him. Soon a crowd of kids were all throwing bananas. Suddenly, in a fury, Kevin rushed at Big Roy and bit 3 fingers off on his left hand.
+Other's were noticing the changes in Kevin. The children began to tease him, call him "Gopher Boy". One Day, a bully by the name of Big Roy started throwing bananas at him. Soon a crowd of kids were all throwing bananas. Suddenly, in a fury, Kevin rushed at Big Roy and bit three fingers off on his left hand.
 Kevin was taken away and placed in the custody of the state. Dr. Abe Sacrabin actions were found out, but because there was no legislation concerning the genetic construction of another human being, no criminal charges were brought forth.
-The medical association's board of ethics stripped him of all his
+The medical association's board of ethics stripped him of all his credentials and his reputation was ruined. In fact, his name became so synonymous with failure that for years to come, med students around the world were known to say in time of mishap,"Damn, I feel just like Abe Sacrabin."
-credentials and his reputation was ruined. In fact, his name became so synonymous with failure that for years to come, med students around the world were known to say in time of mishap,"Damn, I feel just like Abe Sacrabin."
 Dr. Mephesto immediately began proceeds to adopt little Kevin. Being a noted scientist and the creator of the cloned asparagus, it wasn't long before the two were legally united as father and son. They moved to Colorado, where they live in relative obscurity.
-Kevin is still a boy of few spoken words, sticking mainly to his grunts and gurgles, but on occasion, if you listen closely, you can hear his sweet golden
+Kevin is still a boy of few spoken words, sticking mainly to his grunts and gurgles, but on occasion, if you listen closely, you can hear his sweet golden singing voice, ring out into the night, over the small town of South Park.
-singing voice, ring out into the night, over the small town of South Park.
 "I am gopher boy
@@ Line 87: / Line 82: @@
 I am Gopher Boy
 Who will buy my raspberries?"
-</i></poem>
+</i></poem>[[Category:Songs]]
-[[Category:Songs]]
-[[Category:Music]]
 [[Category:Lyrics]]
 [[Category:Real Songs]]
+[[Category:Songs by PRIMUS]]