Cast
Script
Template:Script {{EpisodeScript| |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Tom's Rhinoplasty. A government agent speaks with Bannon. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | The political world is watching, Bannon. [gives Bannon a file] We need to make sure the president elect has a smooth transition. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | All indications are that his transition [flips a page] is going to be fine. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [walks by] We're just doing some finishing touches, but everything went well. You can see him now if you like. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I'll go. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Caitlyn walks into a technologically advanced room where Garrison is seen having a blond, push-back wig put on his head by a mechanical arm. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [talks with Caitlyn] Well, do I look presidential? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Honestly, you look twenty years younger. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | They really worked on my stank face. Look! Whenever I don't know what people are talking about, I just do this, [lowers his body] like look. [shows his stank face] I can do this. [shows his stank face again] This is, this is my stank face. [shows a different stank face] It's like, I'm not listening to you, see? [shows his other stank face] They did a really good job on my stank lips. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | It's an amazing transition. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Now I feel ready to take care of business and do what really matters... [sits up straight] in just a minute, I'm gonna do the UV rays a bit longer. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [the machine closes enseals Garrison] |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | SpaceX. Cartman and Heidi walk to the desk. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Can I help you? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hello. I understand that you're trying to get to Mars. This is my girlfriend, Heidi. She's really smart and really funny. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | ...Okay. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | We've given up social media and we'd like to be somewhere as far from the internet as possible. Is it true Mars would have really shitty Wi-Fi? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | ...That'd be an understatement, yes. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well, we'd like to go. We can't tolerate this world anymore and we'd like to talk to whoever we can about getting to Mars as soon as possible please. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Uh-huh. Take a number and join the others. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What others? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Cartman, Heidi, and the secretary turn their heads see a bunch of other people waiting, including Cher singing] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [garbled and auto-tuned] If I could turn back time... |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What the fuck, dude?! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Lot of people want to leave the planet right now. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ah god dammit, is that Cher?! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [garbled and auto-tuned] Do you believe in leaving the world, oh... |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | South Park Elementary, principal's office. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | God [knocks down papers] dammit! [knocks down lamp] How the fuck did this happen?! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [knocks the door and opens it] Uh, sorry PC Principal, but someone wants to speak with you. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I told you to leave me alone, Mackey! [slams fist on the desk] I'm not in the mood! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | But, but sir, the president elect is here. [moves away from Garrison] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [enters the office with two Secret Service agents following him] So sorry for the intrusion. You're not too busy, I hope. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Uh, not at all. Please uh, have a seat, Mr. Garrison. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Excuse me? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Uh, please have a seat, Mr... President. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | That's better, bitch. [sits down and takes out a piece of gum] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Certainly want to uh, congratulate you on the election. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Do you remember the day you fired me, PC Principal? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I know we've had some differences, uh... |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I was upset because a bunch of immigrants were changing my class and I believe your response was that I needed to go and "learn their language", "be more open-minded". |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I'm sorry that your position here at the school was terminated. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Are you really? [makes stank face] Are you really sorry? [makes different stank face] Because you see PC Principal, you helped create me. You insisted that I was a bigot, that I was an intolerant relic left over from another time. But now, I'm your president. And if there's one thing I've learned about becoming president, it's that your penis can get really dry. When all the skin on your penis is drying out from working so hard to get elected there's only one thing that can fix it, isn't there? Saliva, from a good friend who once doubted you. I need you to fix my problem, PC Principal, so that we can be even-stevens. What do you say, bud? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [is in complete shock] |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Outside of unknown club. Two people got out of the club. The berries head to a tiny door. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, 'member when it fell in her drink. Yeah, I 'member. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | 'Member when Han shot Greedo? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sure, I 'member Greedo. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ha, I 'member Greedo. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | 'Member? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [knocks at the small door] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [opens small window] What's the password, 'member? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah, I 'member. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You 'member? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I 'member. [opens the door, lets the berries in, and then closes the door immediately] |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Inside a Memberberry bar. Random berries keep on saying "'Member". |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ha ha, 'member this place? [hops away] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sure, I 'member. [rolls away] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [hops away] 'Member the Tantive IV? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, I love that ship. [stops moving] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [goes with the other berries and talks to an old berry] Hi, it's us, 'member?! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ah sure, I do 'member. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | We did the thing with throwing Mickey in the drink, 'member?! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ah sure, I 'member; just 'cause of youse, we won the election. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah yeah, 'member? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Waiter, round of drinks for our heroes here, 'member? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I 'member. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You done good poisoning the lady's drink. Now our man is in office, 'member? But I still have things I need you to do. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hehe, hehe, I 'member. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | TrollTrace Headquarters: vault. Gerald repeatedly knocks on the exit door with all his might. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Please, you have to let me outta here! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Skankhunt, stop! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [talks from above] Yes, please. You're making a very jackass of yourself. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [walks to see Bedrager's face] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well well, what do we have here? Looks like your little troll-party. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You Danish pricks, you tricked us! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | We didn't trick you, your own government did. They thought if they handed you over to us we would agree not to go forward with the TrollTrace program. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You can't hold people prisoner! I haven't done anything! People are gonna be looking for me! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [takes out his phone] By all means, [tosses the phone to Gerald] contact whoever you want. Of course, you'll have to tell them why you're here. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What are you gonna do with us? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | We're going to use you, to set the world on fire. When the servers go online there will be chaos, panic, and war. And from the ashes a new world will rise: a world where everyone is happy, and singing, and has no secrets, [yells] like Denmark! [punches a railing] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You think you can turn countries in the world against each other? Our president will never let that happen. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Unknown supermarket. Garrison and Secret Service agents enter the store. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hey everybody! [walks to a checkout line, takes a mic, and hums "Hail To The Chief"] Guess who's here? It's the President of the United Fucking States. [mic drop, then walks around the store] Oh, it's been a while since I've heard from you guys. Hi, Janice. [takes a small bottle of water from her shopping basket and opens it, tossing the cap away] Hello, Stephen. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [looks away] Mr. President. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [walks around the store some more] I was just, you know, passing through the old neighborhood [checks out a tomato paste can from another shopper] thinking about what laws I might get rid of, when suddenly, out of nowhere, my penis got really dry. You know if they have anything at this store for a dry dick? Huh? No? You guys can't think of anything? Oh, I know. What about [points to] Eduardo Hernandez? I believe it was Eduardo who told me I couldn't double-bag my groceries, even though he's from fucking Guatemala. Well what do you think now, Eduardo? You wanna double-bag somethin' else? [his phone rings, and he pulls out out of his back pocket to answer it] This is the President. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sir, we need you at the Pentagon. It's a matter of national security. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, really? I'm kinda busy right now, jeez. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sir, the Danish have released a statement. I'm afraid... we may be going to war. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | War? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Ike's room, day. He's playing a first-person shooter game when a Skype call comes in. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ike?! Ike, buddy, can you hear me?! I need you to do something, okay? Daddy needs your help! I need you to go to your browser and sign on to the school message board, okay? Can you do that for me? The school message board and then log in. Lowercase S, skank-hunt-4-2. You got it? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The other trolls witness Gerald's actions. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Wow. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Wow, what? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | He's gonna have his son sign in and troll for him. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [covers his phone and faces the other trolls] If Skankhunt is still out there trolling, then they have the wrong guy! Get it?! It's called "using your brain", fatso! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | So they'll blame your kid? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Nobody cares if a kid trolls! What are they gonna do, get a slap on the wrist? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [stands up] Didn't you hear what that guy said? They're gonna set countries against each other! We have way bigger problems! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You don't know my fucking wife! [faces the phone] Ike, you got it? Great, pal! Okay, now I need you to go to the comment section, okay, and type in "U should all get raped by gorillas". You got that pal? Ike, "U should all get raped by gorillas"! Come on, we have a lot of work to do here! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | SpaceX. Heidi and Cartman sit next to each other on separate chairs. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Jesus, I didn't think getting to Mars would take this long. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You really think this is what we should do, babe? I gonna miss everyone. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I know, but it'll be worth it, babe. We'll be left alone to make our new world better. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hey, Eric! [seen right near Cartman] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [speaks to Butters] What the hell are you doing here? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well I want to get the fuck off this planet, but they told me I had to take a number. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh no no no! You're a male chauvinist sexist pig, Butters. You don't get to go to Mars. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [shows complete fear] No, you don't understand. I've seen the light, I'm a changed man, I thought boys were being treated unfairly, but now I know... shit's about to get a lot worse. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Outside of The White House. Memberberries start incoherent 'membering. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | 'Member The Fugitive? [Millions of Memberberries are 'membering.] 'Member Aliens? [They begin to jump the fence] Here we are! Ah, yeah! I 'member. Come on, everybody, 'member? [The large group of Memberberries continue 'membering.] 'Member snow speeders? [They approach the front door.] Yeah, I 'member! 'Member not hearing? [They breach the front door and pour into the main foyer.] 'Member the invasion of Hoth? Haha! 'Member "you rebel scum"? I 'member! [They fill the entire floor of the White House entrance.] Oh, 'member the rebel transports? [Thousands of Memberberries open the door to the Oval Office, and pour in.] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | "We did it!" 'Member? [Five Memberberries take their place on the president's desk.] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sure, I 'member! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What do we do now? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Don't you 'member? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ooh, I 'member. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Ike's room. Ike sets up the profile photo of Mrs. Herrera and a penis in a small Photoshop tab while Gerald is on Skype. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Okay now make sure the little worm is in the woman's mouth, got it? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [puts penis in Photoshopped mouth] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Now I need you to type "Ur a fat retard" in the comments. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [types in the comment section] You're a retard. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No, you have to say "a fat retard", Ike! It's a nuance, but it's very important! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [types in the comment section] You're a fat retard. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [sees what Ike is doing and is in shock] Ike! What are you doing?! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What he says. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [exits Skype chat] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [walks into Ike's room, gets a closer look, and blames Ike] It was you: all this time! What have you done, Ike?! Do you have any idea the damage you caused?! How could my child be such a monster?! [answers the call on her phone] Yes yes, hello?! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [talks on his phone to Sheila] Hey sweetheart, how's everything going? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You have to come home from helping the government, Gerald! I caught Ike trolling Mrs. Herrera! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Are you serious? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yes! The school troll is our son, Gerald! You should see all the things he posted on his computer! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | God dang it! Let me talk to him right now! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [hands her phone to Ike] |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hello? |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hey Ike, just stay calm and act like I'm yelling at you, okay pal? Okay, give it a few seconds, wait. Good. Okay, now--now say "I'm sorry, dad. I guess I'm just fucked up inside,". |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ike, you have to listen to me. On your mother's life, this is a matter of national security! You have to say "I'm sorry, dad. I guess I'm just fucked up inside,"! |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [talks with anger] I'm sorry dad. I'm just fucked up inside. |-
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| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | That was amazing, kiddo. It'll all be worth it, okay? I'll make this up to you. Get me back to your mom. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [takes her phone back] Gerald?! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | He's full of shit, he's not sorry! If he felt sorry, he wouldn't be able to do it in the first place. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I know! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I'm gonna get home as soon as I can to deal with this, okay? We can deal with this together. Just don't say anything to anyone for now, all right? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Okay. Okay yeah, I love you too. I know. Bye. [ends the call and talks to Ike] You just sit in here until we figure out what to do; and if you get back on that computer, you are done, you got it?! [leaves Ike's room] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [starts a Skype call on Ike's computer] Ike! Okay there's just a few more things I need you to do. I need you to type "How'd you like a donkey dick?". |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Pentagon. Garrison and four Secret Service agents walk to the general. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [salutes] Welcome to the Pentagon, sir. I've been ordered to show you around. [turns around] This way, please. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [follows the general] So I can do whatever the fuck I want in here now, right? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yes, sir. Here are all [gives Garrison a folder of classified information] our military secrets and all classified information. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [takes folder] Okay, good. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [stops everyone by the Drone Program entrance] This is the Drone Program. In there you could kill anyone on Earth remotely. Here's the keys. [gives keys to Garrison] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Thanks! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [everyone continues walking] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | In here is satellite surveillance where you could monitor everyone's conversations live. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh that will come in handy. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | ... extreme interrogation [stops everyone] room in case you find interrogation necessary. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh hell yeah, it's necessary. Let's do it. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [gives Garrison a briefcase] And here of course is the famous "football" where you could order a nuclear attack in four minutes. [walks away] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Love me some football. [follows the general] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [stops everyone by the Diplomatic Strategy entrance] And finally in here is the diplomatic strategy and negotiation room. [opens the doors, having everyone enter the room] |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | People in the room are noticing high alert across the world. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh jeez, this doesn't look very fun. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Thank God you're here sir. We need your guidance. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | SpaceX. Butters sits next to Cartman by his left side. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Loolooloo, I've got some mapos. Loolooloo, you've got some too. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Butter, Butters! You expect people to believe that you went from being the biggest asshole in the school to a softhearted feminist like me? Fat chance. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No no, believe me. I'm a changed man. Girls are really smart, and they'll be running the soon, and they deserve total respect. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah? You just forgot one thing, that women are funny too. That didn't occur to you, did it, Butters? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well I don't think there was ever any question that women aren't funny. Remember that movie 9 to 5 with Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh yeah, that movie was funny. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well I laughed my butt off and it never occurred to me that they were women. I don't know why things changed. I don't know why people make such a big deal about women and comedy now. I mean what about Carol Burnett? She was great. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Wow, I guess you're right. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah I mean when women make vagina jokes I think it's the funniest thing ever! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Heh, well I swear I don't care how many times Amy Schumer talks about her vagina, I laugh every time. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [looks at Heidi, then at Butters, then in a low voice] Oh, I see what you're doing. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What babe? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh nothin', babe. I'm just... Do you think you could tell me some jokes? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [giggles] Why do you want me telling you jokes all the time? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Because you're [glares at Butters] fucking hilarious. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well, did I tell you about the one about the skeleton and the skunk? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [laughs] That's already funny! [Cartman gets frustrated and makes a fist with his left hand.] |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The Pentagon |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | All around the world, countries are mobilizing armies and preparing countermeasures. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Why? What the hell happened? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | This is everything you need to know about the Troll Trace program |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What's Troll Trace? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | A plan by the Danish to release the full Internet histories of everyone on Earth. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | The previous administration tried to work with the Danish by handing over several trolls, but the plan didn't work. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | The entire world has become very uncertain and unstable. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | We think we should order all navy vessels to the Bering Sea. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | For what? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Because, when the Chinese are able to see all our e-mails and online activity, we believe they will most likely attack us. Also, there are ground troops mobilizing in Paris because the French believe when we see all of their e-mails, we will most likely attack them. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Mr. President, sir! The Russians are asking what we intend to do about the Danish |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well why are you asking me? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Please, sir, we have very little time before this escalates beyond our control. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The Kremlin, Russia, day. What follows is what's on the video, although the language is said to be Russian. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | President Putin, the Danish are going to enable their Troll Trace program. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Then everything I said and did online will be accessible to my girlfriend? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yes, it appears so. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | The Danish have to be stopped! We must know how the United States stands on this! [behind him, the phone rings at his desk and a second aide pops in to answer it] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Uh, Mr. President? It's the Oval Office. [Putin walks to the phone] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yes, this is President Putin. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Do you 'member the Death Star? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ahahaha, 'member cutting open tauntauns? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah, yeah, 'member the force? [the berries chuckle] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What the hell is this?! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Heheh, heheh, Yeah, sure, I 'member. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Member McGy-? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sure, I 'member. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | 'Member? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Heheh, hey hay hay, 'member the Cold War? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh I loved the Cold War! That was fantastic! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | SpaceX, day. Still waiting for that ride to Mars... |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Okay, Numbers 204 through 215, you can come on through. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [leaves with Heidi] Oh, finally. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hey, that's me too. Yippee! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Right in here, everyone. [The group, which includes Cher. walks in, and the door slams shut behind them] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hello, everyone, and welcome to the tour. I'm Elon Musk. Are we gonna have some fun today? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh great, a stupid tour guide. Can we just talk to someone important please. We want to go to Mars. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | And getting anywhere takes ingenuity. Oh, Mrs. Door? Would you mind... opening, please? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [interactive doors] Yes, Elon. [the doors rattle, but don't open. Elon turns and opens them manually. A chime plays as the doors open, and Elon leads the group onto the factory floor.] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | The only way for humankind to survive is with imagination and technology. Cars that run on electricity. Solar panels that replace roof shingles. Even food that changes form. You see this? It's a pizza, only four inches long. and yet, when heated, it expands to make enough pizza to feed a hundred people. I call it the pizza... pocket. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | They already have Pizza Pockets. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Who would like to see the Hyperloop? A new mode of travel that can take you from here to Dubai in nine minutes. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Excuse me, Mr. Musk, this is all interesting and shit, but can we see the Mars rocket now? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Meanwhile, at the Pentagon... |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sir, India is moving aircraft carriers into the Gulf of Mexico. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well why would we care about Mexicans?! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [in winter fatigues] Sir, a message from Saudi Arabia. They say they pinky-promise not to look up our Internet history if we pinky-promise not to look up theirs. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well what does that even mean?! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [in winter fatigues] Still waiting on if we should send troops into Japan, sir. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I don't know, Jeez! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sir, it's the UK Secretary of Foreign Affairs calling from London. He says they have advice for you. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yes, hello? Things aren't looking good here. We just want to say, whatever you do, don't eat the membberries |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [overhearing] Don't eat the membberries. They are bad. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Memberries? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I'm afraid everyone here who ate the memberries wanted to go back in the past, you see. Hasn't worked out too well for us. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | We shouldn't have ate the memberries! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | The memberries cloud your judgmemt. They get inside your head, you see. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Get inside your head... Wait a minute... Nobody gets in my head, you limey bitch! Are you insulting me?! Stop wasting my time! 'Cause I'll have you here on a plane in five hours suckin' my dick!! [slams the phone down on the receiver] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What'd he say? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I believe they've eaten the memberries. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ooh, dear! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ooh, dear! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | SpaceX tour, day. The tour is winding down |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Here you see our Falcon 9 full-thrust rockets. They are actually able to take off into space and land safely back on Earth for reuse. [the group moves back to the lobby] Well, I certainly wanna thank you all for joining our tour today. You've been a wonderful group. Give yourselves a round of applause. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Huh? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Whoawhoawhoawhoa, what about going to Mars? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Mars? We're still about ten years away from going to Mars. Maybe eight. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Awwww. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No, no nonono, we have to go now! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well I'm sorry, but it's a bit more complicated than a pizza pocket. Going to Mars is going to take a lot of very smart people working very hard for a very long time. Now, if you don't mind, I have hundreds of more tours to do. [turns to exit the lobby] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Mr. Musk, wait! [Musk turns around] Maybe we can help you get to Mars sooner. I'm not sure if you know our friend, Heidi. She's really smart, and really funny. [Cartman flashes an angry face at Butters] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Like... how funny? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The White House. Some member berries have formed a group and are performing "Africa." A vintage car horn is heard and the mob boss arrives with some henchmen. "Sing Sing Sing" blares from the radio |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Out of the way, 'member? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You'd better 'member if you know what's good for youse! [the car moves through the crowd, down the corridors and into the Oval Office.] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hey look, it's them. 'Member? Sure, I 'member. [the mobster berries get out of the car.] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ey, youse did good. Who's in charge, 'member? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | We decided he's in charge. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No, we said I'm in charge, 'member? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No wait, I 'member. We all said he's in charge. [leans to the left] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh yeah, I 'member. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Wrong. [shoots Member Berry 2 clear through. Member Berry 2 collapses and bleeds out green juice] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Waaah! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | 'Member stormtroopers? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah, I 'member. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Not those stormtroopers! The real old ones. People wanna 'member? They're gonna 'member. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The Broflovski house. Kyle comes home from school and is about to go upstairs when he sees Ike in a corner, in time out. Ike has his head against the wall. |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ike? [He look back at Kyle, then puts his head on the wall again.] What are you doing? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Don't talk to him! He is in big trouble! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well what'd he do? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | It's him, Kyle! Your brother is the Internet troll who's cause all this pain in our community! |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What? |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | It was him all along. Now we have to figure out what to tell people when they learn this ugliness came from our family. [walks back into the kitchen] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You made people quit Twitter? You started a war between boys and girls? You...? [stops and thinks back to the clues he's heard in recent days] Oh my God. Oh my God! Ike, come on! [grabs Kyle's hand and rushes out the front door with him. Sheila hears the front door open and looks around for her boys. She reaches the open front door.] |-
| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |
| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Kyle? Ike?! Whatwhatwhaaat?! [her voice echos around the neighborhood]
| |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Story Elements |
Skankhunt42 • Memberberries • Mars • Boris Johnson • Elon Musk • Steve Bannon • Eduardo Hernandez • "Hail to the Chief" • "Africa" • Ford Model T • "Sing Sing Sing" • SpaceX | ||||
| Media |
Images • Script • Extras • Watch Episode | ||||
| Release | |||||