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Cast

• Stan Marsh
• Kyle Broflovski
• Eric Cartman
• Butters Stotch
• Mr. Garrison
• Randy Marsh
• Stephen Stotch
• Jimbo Kern
• Jim
• Mike
• Dave
• Sports Commentator
• Referee

Script

	South Park Elementary Gymnasium. The girl's volleyball team are warming up.
Jim:	Hello everyone and welcome back. We are live at South Park Elementary School where the local girl's volleyball team is about to take on the Jefferson Sabers.
Mike:	And, hey Jim, it is packed. Sellout crowds tonight, first time in team history. Everyone turning out to see what's going to happen.
Jim:	[Camera switches to Nichole, who is stretching] That's right, Mike. All eyes are of course on fourth grader Nichole Daniels. Will she sit or stand for the National Anthem? [The crowd stare at her.]
Mike:	This week with athletes all over the country sitting down for the National Anthem [Two people are seen holding a banner reading 'WE SUPPORT YOU NICHOLE!'], the question on everyone's mind is "What is this little girl gonna do?"
Jimbo:	She's not gonna sit down. Why would she?
Randy:	Screw that. I've got 100 bucks riding on this. Come on, Nichole. Sit on it!
Sports Commentator:	Now please rise for the National Anthem. [they stand up.]
Randy:	This is it.
Mike:	The National Anthem starts. Nichole Daniels seems to be waiting. So far no si... Oh! [The camera moves to Heidi Turner, who is sitting down.] And Heidi Turner is sitting down!
Crowd:	Ooh!
Jim:	Might be totally unexpected. All eyes were on Nichole when Heidi Turner comes out of nowhere and sits down.
Mike:	[Interrupting] And there goes Megan Ridley! The crowd is going wild. What a turn of events! Let's check in with Dave.
Dave:	And Mike, I've just looked at the girl's Twitter accounts and it appears they are sitting out the National Anthem to protest the harassment and trolling they receive on the Internet.
Mike:	Complete surprise, Dave. Nobody saw this coming. Three girls now sitting down and finally, there goes Nichole.
Randy:	Wow, Yeah, 100 bucks!
Jim:	And, as the anthem draws to a close, this thing is over.
Mike:	The final result, four athletes sitting out of the National Anthem, three of them not even black. A shocker here in South Park, thanks for joining us. [People start leaving]
Stephen:	Oh my god, that was great. [The crowds empty out, leaving only a few left.]
Referee	Ah , play ball. [Blows whistle. The girls start playing.]
	[PC Principal's office. He's addressing the girls]
PC Principal:	Alright, ladies. First of all I wanna say that I completely respect your decision to protest our national anthem. Thought it was sweet. I believe you shed some light on some very important issues regarding gender equality.
Heidi:	What are you doing about Eric Cartman?!
PC Principal:	Ladies, I understand you're upset about the trolling you've received on the Internet, but there is no evidence that Eric Cartman is skankhunt42.
Wendy:	It is him, it's completely obvious, and nobody is doing anything about it!
PC Principal:	Well he claims that he's been working at changing himself and the world around him. [presses the intercom button] Send in Mr. Cartman.
Cartman:	[opens the door and enters] You wanted to see me, PC Principal?
PC Principal:	Mr. Cartman, I'm gonna ask you one more time, are you or are you not the Internet troll skankhunt42?
Cartman:	It's "skankhunt42" and no I am not.
Heidi:	He's lying. Make him show you his phone.
Cartman:	Unfortunately, that'd be a breach of my civil rights, but I can assure you, nobody respected you girls' poignant protest more than I did.
	[The U.S. Senate, day.]
Joe Biden:	Fellow Senators, our nation is divided like never before. While people everywhere fight for their voices to be heard, perhaps it is time for us to consider that our national anthem needs to be changed. Americans need an anthem that inspires and excites, an anthem that has something for everyone while still paying tribute to what it once was. I believe there's only one person capable of achieving this. [clicks on a handheld button and the picture behind him changes] J.J. Abrams.
Senators:	[murmuring among themselves] J.J. Abrams!
Joe Biden:	He saved Star Wars, and now we will ask him to save our country.
	[Three helicopters take to the sky and fly out of sight]
	[J.J. Abrams' mansion. The helicopters touch down by the front gates and the senators pour out]
Lady Senator:	[over a megaphone] Mr. Abrams? Mr. Abrams, we need to speak with you.
Male Senator:	Look, there. [a light comes on at the left end of the second floor, and a shadow stops by the window]
Lady Senator:	[over the megaphone] Mr. Abrams I speak on behalf of Americans everywhere. We've come to ask you to reboot the national anthem. Please Mr. Abrams. We know you've been asked to reboot a lot.
Senator 2:	[whispering] We know you're tired.
Lady Senator:	We know your're tired.
Senator 3:	[takes the megaphone] What do you say, sir? We all want something new and that makes us remember the things we lost. We want to 'member! We need your 'member berries! [Abrams mulls it over]
Male Senator:	One light means yes, two lights means no. [Abrams reaches to his left and one light comes on. The gathered crowd goes wild.]