South Park Archives
South Park Archives

"Love the Football" was a song sung by Chef in the Season One episode, "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride".


While explaining to the team the way to properly handle a football, Chef begins a monologue in the style of a sensual soul ballad. He treats the ball as if it were a living woman and forgets about his role as the coach.


Chef: Now children, we've got to handle the ball better. You got to hold your football like you hold your lover.

Gently, yet firmly. You wanna be both nurturing and clinging at the same time. Oh yeah!
Just like makin' sweet love to the football.
Feelin' naughty with the football.

Songs from Season One
Ave Satani | Bar-bura, Bar-bura | Canon in D | Christmas Lovin' | Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel | Gonna Fly | Happy, Happy, Happy | Hot Lava | I Love to Singa | I Remember When We Fell in Love | I'm Gonna Be On Television | I'm Gonna Make Love to You, Woman | If My Friends Could See Me Now | It's Okay to Be Gay | It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year | Kumbaya | Kyle's Mom's a Bitch | Love Gravy | Loving the Football | Lovin' You | Make Love, Even When I'm Dead | Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo | No Substitute | Now You're a Man | Oh Kathie Lee | Pig and Elephant DNA Just Won't Splice | Rabartu Smitu, Rabartu Smitu | Romeo and Juliet | Santa Claus is On His Way | School Days | Shadow Dancing | The Lonely Jew on Christmas | There You Are! | Waitin' On a Women | We Wish You a Merry Christmas | We're All Special

See also: List of Songs | List of Minor Characters from Season One | Season One