The following is a compiled list, in episodic order, of instances where a character has cried:

Character Episode Reason for Crying
Jimbo Kern Volcano Feeling sentimental as Ned sings "Kumbaya".
Mayor McDaniels Volcano Fake crying in front of the media to appear worried that the children camping up in the mountain will die in the impending volcano eruption.
Stan Marsh An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig He was about to be sent away after being framed for wreaking havoc across the town.
Eric Cartman Pinkeye Thought about Kenny's death.
Sheila Broflovski Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo Misses Kyle in the mental institute.
Wendy Testaburger Tom's Rhinoplasty Her boyfriend Stan vomits for Ms. Ellen, meaning he likes her more than Wendy.
Wendy Testaburger Tom's Rhinoplasty "Apologizing" to Ms. Ellen in front of the class and "wishing her and Stan well" as a couple.
Wendy Testaburger Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls Moved while watching a movie.
Kyle Broflovski Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls He is upset about Mr. Hankey's failing health.
Kyle Broflovski Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls Chef informs him that poo can't get into heaven.
Kyle Broflovski Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls Mr. Hankey is thrown by the film festival director and dies.
Mr. Mackey Ike's Wee Wee Thinking about his future after being fired.
Sheila Broflovski & Gerald Broflovski Ike's Wee Wee Witnessing "Ike's" death.
Sheila Broflovski Ike's Wee Wee At "Ike's" funeral.
Jimbo Kern Cow Days Thinking of the Cows' suicide.
Eric Cartman Chef Aid After Chef goes to jail.
Flo Kimble Spookyfish Thinks Stan doesn't like his fish.
Sharon Marsh Spookyfish Thinks her son murdered another person.
Thomas McElroy The Succubus Emotional over his son's wedding.
Nelle McElroy The Succubus Emotional over her son's wedding.
Mr. Adler Tweek vs. Craig He never got to say "goodbye" to his girlfriend.
Kenny McCormick South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut He is about to be tortured by Satan in Hell.
Eric Cartman Sexual Harassment Panda Getting "molested".
Shelly Marsh Cat Orgy After her boyfriend left her.
Kyle Broflovski Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery His grandmother's corpse has been taken away.
Sheila Broflovski Chinpokomon Stan was brainwashed by the Japanese.
Adolf Hitler Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics He doesn't have a Christmas Tree.
Mrs. McCormick Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus Kenny died again.
Cartman Cartman's Silly Hate Crime 2000 He wants to get out of prison.
Quintuplets Quintuplets 2000 Their grandmother died.
Stuart McCormick Cartman Joins NAMBLA He broke his balls.
Stan Marsh Cherokee Hair Tampons Kyle was going to die.
Clyde Donovan Fourth Grade Reminiscent of the third grade.
Heidi Turner Helen Keller! The Musical She finds her dog, Robby, dead on the street.
Chad Fat Camp Thinks he's going to be fat forever.
Eric Cartman Fat Camp Gets kicked out of the fat camp.
Kyle Broflovski The Wacky Molestation Adventure Cries as he writes a letter to Fidel Castro to get him to eradicate communism in Cuba.
Kyle Broflovski The Wacky Molestation Adventure Practices fake crying to get his parents arrested for molesting him.
Multiple Children The Wacky Molestation Adventure Pretends that their parents molested them to get them arrested.
Red A Very Crappy Christmas Upset by the lack of Christmas spirit
Scott Tenorman Scott Tenorman Must Die He finds out that his parents are dead.
Kyle Broflovski Cartmanland Loses his faith in God.
Kyle Broflovski Cartmanland Painfully pops his hemorrhoid on the fence of Cartmanland.
Eric Cartman Cartmanland After losing his theme park.
Martha Thompson How to Eat with Your Butt Doesn't think his son will ever be found.
Martha Thompson How to Eat with Your Butt Her son was found.
Stan Marsh Kenny Dies Finds out Kenny might die.
Stan Marsh Kenny Dies Upset about Kenny's illness.
Eric Cartman & Kyle Broflovski Kenny Dies Upset about Kenny's illness.
Eric Cartman Kenny Dies Telling Congress about how stem cell research may save Kenny's life.
Linda Stotch Butters' Very Own Episode She finds out that her husband was going to gay clubs.
Linda Stotch Butters' Very Own Episode Thought she killed Butters.
Russell Crowe The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer Tugger tried to commit suicide.
Carol & Stuart McCormick A Ladder to Heaven Showing the boys Kenny's urn.
Multiple Adults A Ladder to Heaven Touched that the boys are building a ladder to heaven so they can see Kenny again.
Woman at abortion clinic A Ladder to Heaven She cannot bring herself to have an abortion.
Crowd A Ladder to Heaven Touched about the speech about heaven.
Linda Stotch My Future Self n' Me Sorry about tricking Butters.
Stephen Stotch My Future Self n' Me Sorry about tricking Butters.
Mr. Slave Red Man's Greed He and Mr. Garrison are homeless.
Eric Cartman Christian Rock Hard He didn't get his platinum album.
Linda Stotch Casa Bonita Butters is missing.
Sharon Marsh Butt Out Found out Stan was smoking.
Stan Marsh Raisins Wendy dumped him.
Butters Stotch Raisins Lexus dumped him.
Clyde Donovan It's Christmas in Canada The parents decide to not get any presents for their children.
Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski & Kenny McCormick It's Christmas in Canada Eric didn't get any presents, Stan didn't have a Christmas adventure, Kyle didn't get Ike back, and Kenny doesn't think he's going to "go five days without dying".
Eric Cartman It's Christmas in Canada Getting punched in the face by Kyle.

Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski & Kenny McCormick

Good Times with Weapons They pretend that their parents died so they can buy weapons without their parents' permission.
Butters Stotch Good Times with Weapons Received a shuriken to the eye.
Butters Stotch AWESOM-O His "robot friend" is about to be taken away from him.
Blanket Jackson The Jeffersons He is disturbed by his father's behavior.
Linda Stotch Pre-School She regrets not letting Butters back in the house.
Stan Marsh Pre-School Trent Boyett is going to kill him.
Paris Hilton Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset Tinkerbell committed suicide.
Clyde Donovan Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset Forced to partake in "Two minutes in the closet" with Beth.
Lion Cubs Woodland Critter Christmas Their mom was killed.
Tuong Lu Kim Wing His wife is about to be taken to LA by the Chinese mafia.
Kyle Broflovski Wing Kenny is killed in the gunfire with the Chinese mafia.
Kenny McCormick The Death of Eric Cartman Cartman ate all the KFC chicken skin.
Eric Cartman The Death of Eric Cartman He thinks that he is dead after his friends start ignoring him as if they couldn't see or hear him.
Eric Cartman, Butters Stotch & Liane Cartman The Death of Eric Cartman Eric says that he loves his mom and that he is sorry for all the bad things he has done to her.
Eric Cartman The Death of Eric Cartman He regrets bashing Kyle for being a Jew all the time.
Scott Tenorman The Death of Eric Cartman At his parents' graves.
Jimmy Valmer Erection Day Not able to perform in the talent show due to his erection.
Linda Stotch Marjorine She thinks Butters died.
Marjorine Marjorine The girls upset him.
Kyle Broflovski, Clyde Donovan & Butters Scotch Free Willzyx They won't be able to see Willzyx anymore.
Al Gore ManBearPig Nobody is taking him "cereal".
Liane Cartman Tsst Upset over Eric's behavior.
Ike Broflovski Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy Doesn't want Kyle to tell his mom on him.
Eric Cartman Cartman Sucks Started fake crying to get his mother's attention.
Eric Cartman Le Petit Tourette Kyle stopped Dateline's To Catch a Predator.
Randy Marsh More Crap His record for the "biggest crap" was broken by Bono.
Bono More Crap Finds out he is "a Number 2".
Linda Stotch Imaginationland Butters is missing.
Liane Cartman Tonsil Trouble Cartman has AIDS.
Tricia Tucker Major Boobage Her cat was confiscated by the police.
Eric Cartman Major Boobage Cries as he lets Rufus and two other cats stay in his attic for safety.
Eric Cartman & unnamed woman Major Boobage They cry as Cartman let Nishka stay in his attic for safety.
Mrs. Garrison Eek, A Penis! He doesn't want to be a woman anymore.
Shelly Marsh Over Logging She misses Amir.
Eric Cartman The China Probrem Paranoid about the "Chinese takeover".
Multiple people The China Probrem They watched Indiana Jones getting raped.
Multiple people The China Probrem George Lucas and Steven Spielberg finally got arrested.
Eric Cartman Breast Cancer Show Ever Gets his mom to tell Wendy's parents that she wants to beat him up.
Eric Cartman Breast Cancer Show Ever Wendy beats him up.
Ike Broflovski About Last Night... John McCain lost the election.
Kenny McCormick The Ring He cannot get a blowjob from his girlfriend after they decide to wear purity rings.
Carlos Mencia Fishsticks He is badly beaten up by Kanye West's aides.
Jimmy Valmer Fishsticks Cartman takes all the credit for the Fishsticks Joke on The Ellen DeGeneres Show when it was really Jimmy's joke.
Clyde Donovan Fatbeard Somalia isn't what Cartman said it would be.
Clyde Donovan Fatbeard He hates Somalia and wants to go home.
Butters Stotch Dances with Smurfs He is "being silenced".
Eric Cartman Dances with Smurfs Wendy criticized his job performance.
Eric Cartman Pee The waterpark is full of minorities.
Randy Marsh Pee Stan and his friends are inside the waterpark that was flooded by pee and he doesn't know if they survived.
Pi-Pi Pee He didn't listen to the scientists saying that there's too much pee in his waterpark, so his waterpark got destroyed.
Eric Cartman Pee Thinks he is the only non-minority who survived the pee flood and imagines a minority-dominant world.
Carol McCormick Sexual Healing At Kenny's funeral; he died from autoerotic asphyxiation.
Kyle Broflovski & Butters Stotch Sexual Healing Think they will end up dying from autoerotic asphyxiation like Kenny due to their perceived sex addiction.
Kyle Broflovski You Have 0 Friends His friends begin to shun him.
Eric Cartman 201 He found out he was "half-ginger"
Tom Cruise 201 Everyone keeps ripping on him.
Butters Stotch Crippled Summer Upset over Towelie's addiction.
Towelie Crippled Summer Upset over his addiction.
Eric Cartman Poor and Stupid He doesn't think he can become a NASCAR driver.
Eric Cartman It's a Jersey Thing He got pushed into a tree by Kyle.
Eric Cartman HUMANCENTiPAD His mom didn't get him an iPad.
Eric Cartman HUMANCENTiPAD Gets struck by lightning.
Ike Broflovski Royal Pudding The Princess of Canada was kidnapped.
Harrison Yates & Mr. Mackey Royal Pudding Tooth Decay was killed.
Kyle Broflovski & Nurse Crack Baby Athletic Association Feeling sad about the crack babies' situation.
Stan Marsh Ass Burgers Trying to explain his situation to Mr. Mackey.
Jenny Simons Bass to Mouth She crapped her pants.
Larry Feegan Broadway Bro Down He was afraid to jump off the diving board.
Shelly Marsh Broadway Bro Down Larry drowned.
Eric Cartman 1% The 99% started "ganging up on him".
Eric Cartman 1% About to kill Polly Prissypants.
Karen McCormick The Poor Kid Her dad and brother are fighting.
Karen McCormick The Poor Kid She and her siblings have been taken away from their parents who were arrested.
Eric Cartman The Poor Kid His mom is "poor".
Karen McCormick The Poor Kid She and her siblings have been taken away to the foster home.
Mr. Adams

The Poor Kid

He finds out the kids he sent to the foster home were being tortured.
Eric Cartman Faith Hilling Coming to terms with the fact that Faith Hilling is really outdated.
Eric Cartman Jewpacabra He can't break free from being chained as bait for the supposed Jewbacabra.
Egyptian Woman Jewpacabra Her child got killed by God in Cartman's dream.
Mr. Mackey Butterballs

He is harassed by Bucky Bailey.

Stan Marsh Butterballs He is harassed by Bucky Bailey.
Bucky Bailey Butterballs He is harassed by Nick Jabs.
Nick Jabs Butterballs He is harassed by Jesus.
Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski & Eric Cartman I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining Stan got Kenny killed.
Eric Cartman Cartman Finds Love Feeling happy that Nichole and Token got together (he set them up without their knowledge).
Eric Cartman Cartman Finds Love Upset that Nichole and Token broke up.
Ike Broflovski Insecurity He thinks his mom slept with the UPS man.
Ike Broflovski Obama Wins! Obama won the election.
Eric Cartman Let Go, Let Gov The NSA doesn't think he's "cool"
Aaron Hagen Informative Murder Porn His father murdered his mom.
Butters Stotch Informative Murder Porn His father murdered his mother in Minecraft.
Butters Stotch The Hobbit Wendy called Kim Kardashian a hobbit.
Kanye West The Hobbit Tells Wendy the story of how Photoshop transformed his fiancee, the hobbit.
Wendy Testaburger The Hobbit Gives into peer pressure to Photoshop herself.
Eric Cartman Safe Space He was harassed online.
Kyle Broflovski Ginger Cow Is being blackmailed by Eric Cartman.
Bebe Stevens Skank Hunt Heidi quits social media.
Eric Cartman White People Renovating Houses Heidi "went off" on him.
Multiple Students Put It Down Mourning over Gary Borkovec's death.
Marcus Preston Hummels & Heroin Reminded about how much he loved Chuck-E-Cheese.
Eric Cartman Doubling Down He wants to get back together with Heidi.
Eric Cartman Doubling Down Heidi broke up with him; Token slammed the door in his face.
Randy Marsh Dead Kids His wife keeps on getting angry and yelling at him about the school shootings.
Kyle Broflovski & Eric Cartman Nobody Got Cereal? Manbearpig killed Satan.
Ike Broflovski Mexican Joker His family is taken away and separated by ICE agents.
Chinese Prisoner Band in China He is sentenced to another 10 years in prison and cannot go home.
Stan Marsh Band in China His death metal band is never going to make money so he cannot move away from Tegridy Farms.
Liane Cartman SHOTS!!! Eric cannot stay at South Park Elementary if he does not get vaccinated.
Randy Marsh SHOTS!!! Everyone, including his family, is pissed off at the way he runs Tegridy Farms.
Danny Ray Johnston & unnamed girl SHOTS!!! They are forcibly vaccinated at the CDC Child Immunization Challenge.
Randy Marsh Tegridy Farms Halloween Special Shelly destroyed his Halloween Special.
Mrs. White Season Finale Her son was killed.
Eric Cartman Board Girls Pleading to Mr. Mackey to keep girls out of the Dice Studz Board Gamers Club because they make the boys look stupid.
Heather Swanson Board Girls PC Principal shoved him.
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