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"If My Friends Could See Me Now" is a song from the musical Sweet Charity. It was featured in the Season One episode, "Weight Gain 4000".

Background

A young Kathie Lee Gifford sang the song in a talent competition during Herbert Garrison's flashback to his childhood. He lost the contest to Kathie Lee because of her performance, complete with hand puppets and choreography.

Lyrics

Kathy Lee Epstein:

If they could see me now, that little gang of mine.
I'm eating fancy chow and drinking fancy wine.
I'd like those stumble bums to see for a fact
The kind of top-drawer first-rate chums I attract
All I can say is, "Wow-wee, look-a where I am."
Tonight I landed, Pow!, right in a pot of jam.
What a setup! Holy Cow!
They'd never believe it, if my friends could see me now!

Trivia

  • At the time of this episodes airing, the real Kathie Lee Gifford was the spokeswoman for Carnival Cruise ships and featured her singing this song in its advertisements.