"I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining" is the sixth episode of Season Sixteen, and the 229th overall episode of South Park. It aired on April 18, 2012.
The boys are excited to spend a day ziplining in the Colorado Mountains. But high in the Rockies, far from their families, their trip takes a bad turn. Chances of survival are slim. All they can do is wait to be rescued. But will help come too late?
The episode opens dramatically, with the boys screaming for help while a male voice narrates their misfortunes. The voice continues to narrate, and reveals shortly after that it is the last day of spring break.
The boys argue over what to do, however, one of the boys recommends ziplining, ending their argument as they unanimously agree with the recommendation. After Stan's uncle drops them off, an employee prepares them to go ziplining; he later reveals that there are other people ziplining as well. After watching a safety video, they, much to their chagrin, realize that they have to take a shuttle to the ziplining spot.
After they arrive at the spot, the boys go ziplining, learning that it is, in fact, very boring. This upsets them severely, as they realize they are wasting their last day of spring break. After learning that there are sixteen more ziplining spots to go, they scream for help. Cartman and Kyle later start arguing over who came up with the idea of ziplining in the first place, however, Stan breaks up this argument, saying they can make it out somehow. They later make up an excuse to leave, telling the employees that Kenny is bleeding severely from his cold sore (herpes). The employees say that they cannot do anything from zipline down, however, one of the employees recommends going to a horse ranch near the ziplining site, saying that they could ride back.
After arriving at the horse ranch, they realize that it is a tour group as well. After Kyle starts to give up, Stan notices that there is boating dock nearby, saying they should get on, as it will be fun. The screen then flashes to a warning stating that the program contains reenactments; from here on in the episode, the boys misfortunes are reenacted by live-action actors. They realize they made the same mistake, as the boat is only allowed to go five miles per hour, making the trip boring once again.
Kyle and Cartman resume their earlier argument over who recommended they go ziplining. However, Cartman begins to have diarrhea, attracting beavers. Kenny is later revealed to have died of boredom, once again inciting Kyle and Cartman to argue. Stan, fed up with the drama, reveals he was the one who recommended they go ziplining. Cartman and Kyle ask why, resulting in Stan revealing that, if he signed up three friends, the ziplining company would give him a free iPod Nano. After briefly becoming angry with Stan, they all begin crying.
Shortly afterwards, Mr. Hankey comes to bring them back home, taking them aboard his "Magical Helicrapter", his "7-turdy-7" airplane, and his "Poo-Choo Express".
The voice, continuing its narration, reveals that Kenny's corpse was left at his families' home, Cartman and Stan were treated for their (cold sores) herpes, and Kyle was put in the hospital for twenty-seven days, as he had to have fecal matter removed from his nose. After Stan was treated for his condition, he successfully raised awareness about the dangers of ziplining through popular videos, resulting in him once againmasturbating in San Diego. Two weeks after he was treated, Cartman begins drinking Diet Double Dew again, namely because he believed that "diet soda doesn't give you diarrhea".
AV Club gave "I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining" a "C-" rating saying: "The thing that’s most frustrating is that, on paper, this episode certainly had potential. Having the kids go zip-lining and getting stranded in the woods—as the episode implied early on—had shades of “Weapons” when Butters got the throwing star in the eye and things spun out of control in a glorious way from there. But, instead, the zip-lining aspect is completely abandoned and milking satirized drama from the boys being bored just doesn’t cut it. Had this episode been created on a more typical production schedule, there could have been time to iron out what didn’t work. The show still has plenty of moments, and, given the performance over the past couple of seasons, it still has plenty of gas left in the tank. But the show is maddeningly inconsistent, and tonight’s episode was a microcosm of that problem."
IGN gave "I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining" a "7.5" rating saying: "Nevertheless, this was an otherwise entertaining episode, particularly the first half or so. It was even, dare I say, very close to becoming a South Park classic. Unfortunately, between the arbitrary live-action sequences and the puzzling final scenes with Mr. Hankey, "Zipline" never quite tapped its full potential."