I'm a Little Bit Country/Script

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"I'm a Little Bit Country/Script"

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Cast

• Stan
• Kyle
• Cartman
• Kenny
• Butters
• Mr. Garrison
• Mr. Slave
• Mr. Mackey
• War Pretesters and Supporters
• Randy and Sharon Marsh
• Gerald Broflovski
• Stuart McCormick
• Liane Cartman
• Reporter Tom Stansel
• Skeeter
• Jimbo
• Mayor McDaniels
• Dr. Doctor
• Driver / Official Messenger Boy
• The Continental Congress
  • Thomas Jefferson
  • John Adams
  • John Hancock
  • John Dickinson

Script

I'm a Little Bit Country
	South Park Elementary, day. The bell rings. The fourth graders are still chatting as Mr. Garrison enters.
Mr. Garrison	Okay, children, let's take our seats. Did you take attendance, Mr. Slave?
Mr. Slave	[at his own little desk off to the side] All donesy wunsy. [has a clipboard to prove it]
Mr. Garrison	Okay, let's all take out our math homework and go over the problem.
Cartman	[searching his notebook] Math homework, Math homework. Where did I file that?
Mr. Garrison	[about to write on the board, but turns around] Oh, and by the way, children, there's a walkout scheduled today to protest the war in Iraq. So, uh, if you're against the war, run along outside, and if you're for the war, uh, stay here and we'll do math problems. [the kids quickly stare at each other]
	South Park Elementary, front entrance. The door open and all the kids run out. A cloud of paper signals their exit. Some of them twirl with delight. The boys come out singing.
The Boys	We got out of schoo-l! No more school toda-ay!
Kyle	What should we do?
Stan	Let's go see a movie! [they stop in their tracks as they hear "No war! No war!"]
Protesters	No war! No war! [a sea of them mill around on South Park Avenue waving various signs around] No war! No war! [One man wields an American flag. He lowers it while another reaches for a lighter and set the flag aflame.] No war! No war! [three men break into Tele's through its large window and steal various TVs] No war! No war! No war!
Mr. Mackey	[walks up to the boys with several signs in his hands] No war, m'kay?! No war, m'kay?! Oh uh, here you go, boys. [hands each of them a sign] These will help you protest. It's good to see that you care about peace, boys, m'kay? No war, m'kay?!
A voice	Excuse me, boys. [the boys look and the adult is shown] Tom Stansel, HBC news. Can you kids tell me why you marched out of school today? [behind him is the cameraman and an assistant, and behind her, the news van]
Stan	[pause] Uh... war?
Tom	Right. What about the war?
Kyle	[pause] Ih ih ih-t's g-gay?
Tom	Uh huh, and what aspect of it do you think is most gay?
Kyle	[looks at his sign] Uuuh, n-no blood for oil.
Stan	Yeah. [the mic moves back to him as he looks at his sign] War is not my voice.
Cartman	[reading Kenny's sign] Bush is a Naizi
Skeeter	[arrives with a crowd] Hey all you un-American bastards! If you don't like America, why don't you git out?! [moves his right thumb in front of his shoulder and to his right. With him are Jimbo, Ned, Stuart, and Craig's father Tom]
Mr. Mackey	Don't you call us un-American! This country was founded on the right to protest! M'kay?
Protesters	Yeah! Right!
Stuart	If the Founding Fathers saw you burning your flag an' callin' the President a Nazi, they'd roll over in their grave!
Supporters	Yeah! Right!
Randy	The Founding Fathers would agree with our right to protest!
Skeeter	Foundin' Fathers would kick all your asses!
Tom	Boys, what do you think the Founding Fathers would say?
Cartman	...Eh the... Founding who? [seconds later, both sides rush each other and attack]
	South Park Elementary, Garrison's classroom. He stares at the children angrily, his arms crossed.
Mr. Garrison	[drops his arm, putting his right hand on his hip] Well, I hope you little Commies are pretty pleased with yourselves! [crosses his arms again] Going out there and protesting America, and then saying on national television that you don't even know who the Founding Fathers are! You kids don't know squat about America, do you?!
End of I'm a Little Bit Country