Ms. Cartman tells Cartman that she bought him a present that will help him win the South Park Spelling Bee. She then shows him Hooked on Monkey Fonics. It's a device that features a drum playing monkey that plays to a cassette which teaches pronunciation and spelling of words. Reluctant to try at first, Cartman soon feels he can actually win the spelling bee.
At the spelling bee, Jimbo tells everyone he's bet on Kyle winning to Gerald's shock. Stan, Kyle and Cartman are preparing while Cartman and Kyle argue on who will win. Suddenly, two home schooled kids called Mark and Rebecca Cotswolds show up to Jimbo's anger.
The contest begins and Cartman loses immediately on the word "chair", the fonics monkey fails to help Cartman since it goes masturbating. Kyle and the two homeschooled kids make their way through to the finals, but Kyle fails on an extremely hard word, causing the homeschooled kids to win. Jimbo becomes furious at the result and is carried off.
Kyle has taken a liking to Rebecca and develops a crush on her. Stan, Kyle and Kenny then ask Mark what home schooling is. Cartman catches onto what a good idea it is. Stan interrupts Cartman's expression and the two swear against each other, leaving Mark puzzled.
At their home, Mark asks if he can go to public school to which his parents reluctantly allow. Kyle drops in and asks to talk to Rebecca but is too nervous and leaves, making Mr. Cotswolds worried about his children's situations.
At school, Cartman has had enough of Mr. Garrison ridiculing him and goes to be home schooled. Mark (who is in a hamster ball for his protection) answers all of Garrison's questions. The boys all have problems with him so, in the playground, they make Mark come out of his hamster ball and duct tape him to the bench. Mark has no idea but to go home with the bench still duct taped to him, Mr. and Mrs. Cotswolds are horrified on seeing this. Marks asks for one more day at public school.
At night, Kyle sings a song to Rebecca but she believes he is busking and gives him money. Mr. Cotswolds goes to the town bar to talk to the boys' fathers about Mark being bullied and Rebecca being approached by Kyle, he refuses to listen to other fathers' advice and ends up being duct taped to a bench after he reveals he likes wine coolers instead of beer.
On the next day, Mark is duct taped again in the cafeteria and, after hearing about the "Bay of Pigs Memorial Dance", Kyle decides to ask Rebecca if she'll go with him to it. He visits Rebecca's house and plays Doctors and Nurses to her parents' horror (although, in fact, she was practicing brain surgery, not exploring genitalia as her parents thought). Kyle becomes frustrated after Rebecca says she won't go to the dance with him. Later in the garden, Kyle introduces the 'kiss' thing to Rebecca and she turns out liking it. After two kisses with Kyle she immediately gets convinced and agrees to go to the dance. She tells Kyle "he can bet his sweet ass she'll go".
Cartman is visited by Stan and Kenny who tell him about the dance. Cartman really enjoys home schooling because all he has to do is lying in bed eating chips and watching TV. Phonics Monkey goes mad from lack of food and beats Kenny to death.
The boys decide to duct tape Mark to the flag pole at the dance, while adults plan the same thing on Mr. Cotswolds.
At the dance, Rebecca is flirting with all the boys and has become a whore. When Mark sees what has happened to Rebecca he beats Kyle up and everyone thinks he's actually quite cool. Mark's father comes in and shuts off the music and asks where his children are. Mark then explains to his father that he can't keep protecting them since they need to socialize, or otherwise they will go downhill when they discover sexual activity, as did Rebecca. Mr. and Mrs. Cotswolds finally identify themselves with Mark and let him attend public school from then on. As a result, everyone wants to hang out with Mark and totally forget their original plan. Mr. Cotswolds doesn't escape being duct taped to the flag pole although he's already changed his mind.