South Park Archives

2382615145 ab6347760c
Episode no. Season 13
Episode 7
Production no. 1307
Original airdate April 22, 2009
Episode chronology
Previous Next
"Pinewood Derby" "Dead Celebrities"
List of all South Park episodes

"Fatbeard" is the seventh episode of Season Thirteen and the 188th overall episode of South Park. It first aired on April 22, 2009.[1]


Cartman's dream of living the life of a pirate will come true if he can just get to Somalia.[1]


SPW pic -- Spoiler Spoiler warning!
Plot details follow.

Cartman runs up to the boys while they are eating lunch, exclaiming that they would finally be able to leave their crappy lives behind. He explains that pirates are back and urges them to join him in running away to Somalia. Kyle encourages this, wanting Cartman to leave. Cartman is skeptical at first, asking Kyle why he does not want to go, and comes to the conclusion that Jews cannot be pirates. He walks away, leaving Kyle to pray for him to actually go. Later, Cartman makes an announcement to recruit people for his pirate crew.

Only Kevin, Ike, Clyde, Butters, and Gordon Stoltski (who is later kicked out because Cartman hates gingers) show up to Cartman's pirate meeting. They go to the airport, where Butters and Clyde express their doubts. Cartman is able to convince them to go on the journey by reminding them of how "crappy" their lives are, with all the rules and homework they have to do. Their flight path and journey is then shown in a montage before they finally arrive in Somalia.

Cartman's crew is shocked to find that Somalia is actually a dirty and desolate place. They ask a Somalian man where the pirates are, and they are warned not to mess with them. Cartman ignores this warning and continues into the pirate's lair. Inside, he tries to speak to the pirates, who decide instead to take the children hostage in return for a ransom. The crew does not understand what the Somalians are saying and believe they are being taken to a ship. They are brought to a small boat, which disappoints Cartman. Clyde starts to cry, exclaiming that Somalia is nothing like Cartman told him it would be, so Ike slaps him to shut him up. After a French cruise ship shows up and spots the children, the Somalian pirates demand a ransom. Cartman tells them they are doing it wrong and tries to take over, which angers the pirates.

Meanwhile in South Park, Kyle is on the phone with Stan, pleased to hear that Cartman actually did run away to Somalia. His excitement is short-lived however when Sheila and Gerald burst down the stairs, exclaiming that Ike is gone. Sheila hands Kyle a note from Ike, explaining that he was tired of the monotony of middle class life and was running away to become a pirate. Kyle is horrified by this, realizing that it is all his fault.

Back in Somalia, the pirates are still trying to negotiate a ransom for the boys. The captain of the cruise ship gives the pirates the money and the children are released. Cartman, however, decides to take over the cruise ship and forces the captain and passengers off with Kevin threatening them with a toy lightsaber. They bring the ship back to shore and return to the pirate's lair, where Cartman begins throwing wads of cash at the Somalians. After one of the pirates brings him a drink of water, he becomes angry and starts yelling at the pirates that they can do better. The crew rallies them together by singing "Somalian Pirates We" before a montage plays of the Somalians working to become "real" pirates.

Later, Cartman is relaxing at Skull Cove before the pirates announce that they have another hostage, who is revealed to be Kyle. He tries to get Cartman to leave Somalia, wanting Ike back, but Cartman reminds him that it was his idea. Kyle admits that he was lying, attempting to convince Cartman that Somalia is not paradise. He asks for Ike back, but Cartman refuses. Meanwhile, Butters and Ike are busy taking inventory of their latest plunder when one of the pirates asks them why they left America. Butters begins to explain how bad their lives were, citing all the homework and rules, but the pirate is still confused. He tells them that he wishes he could go to school and learn about the world and that he wishes he was not a pirate. Ike and Butters realize how good they had it in America and state that they feel like assholes.

At Pirate's Cove, Cartman is trying to make Kyle walk the plank. Butters returns with Ike to tell Cartman that they want to go home, explaining that their lives were pretty good before and that they realized how lucky they were. Clyde agrees and cries that he wants to go home too. This infuriates Cartman, who turns on the boys and threatens them with a sword. He goes on about how much better it is in Somalia, with Kyle cutting in to contradict him. Cartman insists that none of them are allowed to leave, stating that he has an entire crew of pirates that will stop them. In the distance a U.S. ship gets into position. The commander orders the men to fire, reminding them to not kill any of "the white ones". They open fire, killing all of the Somalian pirates abruptly, much to Cartman's shock before the episode ends.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Fatbeard (Season 13, Episode 7).

  1307: "Fatbeard" edit
Story Elements

Eric CartmanPirate ClubSomalia • "Somalian Pirates We"


ImagesScriptWatch Episode


South Park: The Complete Thirteenth Season