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"Dances with Smurfs"
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Episode no. Season 13
Episode 13
Production no. 1313
Original airdate November 11, 2009
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"Dances with Smurfs" is the thirteenth episode of Season Thirteen and the 194th overall episode of South Park. It first aired on November 11, 2009.[1]


Cartman is chosen to do the morning announcements at South Park Elementary.[1]


SPW pic -- Spoiler Spoiler warning!
Plot details follow.

A red-haired boy named Gordon Stoltski is performing the morning announcements. Then, a man comes in and threatens to kill Gordon, because the killer mistook Gordon Stoltski for another man that was a 40-year-old truck driver from Chicago, (and also shared the same name) who had an affair with the killer's wife. After killing a staff member and threatening Gordon at gunpoint, the killer shoots Gordon dead and then commits suicide. Mr. Mackey leads the school body in a memorial service for little Gordon and asks for someone to replace him. Cartman auditions, but not before pulling a dirty trick on his best competitor, Casey Miller from 3rd grade (falsely telling Mr. Mackey that he insulted his hairpiece), thereby winning the competition to take over the announcements.

The next day for his first day on the job, he calls out the Student Body President Wendy and claims that with her leadership the school is on a rapid decline. Principal Victoria and Mackey confront Cartman about extending the morning announcement time (Cartman asks why Gordon's last announcement time was five minutes longer, Mackey answers because he was being murdered), but Cartman gets ACLU Lawyers to visit the school and tell them he is being denied free speech. Cartman continues bashing Wendy on the announcements and with each passing day, despite teacher protests, he continues slamming her and claiming that she is turning the school into a "socialist dunghole". This gets Butters' attention and throughout the episode, he gets drawn further into Cartman's machinations.

Eventually, Eric gets TVs installed into classrooms to do the professional-looking EC Show. He says, "I am a normal kid like all of you and as a normal kid I ask questions," then states unfounded attacks against Wendy using loaded questions. He walks to a chalkboard with words divided into two columns, explaining Wendy's agenda. The chalkboard lists Keywords; the first column explaining that Wendy wants the school to be a more Integrated, Leftist, and Liberal place, and the second column explaining that everyone will get Socialist, Modern, Utopian, Reformed Farce of a School. Cartman circles the first letters of those words, spelling KILL SMURFS down the two columns, suggesting that, that's what Wendy wants to do.

Cartman sets up a table in the school hall to sell his book for $5 apiece, then refers to Butters Stotch when he comes up to him as "another person who cares about the future of our school". The book is over 500 pages of ripping on Wendy. Stan confronts Cartman for putting extremely graphic passages about Wendy in his book (which present her as extremely promiscuous). Later, Stan asks Wendy to stand up for herself. She, however, refuses as she does not wish to give Cartman the satisfaction. When the teachers at the school tell him to stop, he says, "You're a lackey, Mackey!" and leaves the school.

The next day, Cartman returns and weaves a story of how he chose to live with the gentle smurfs. In this story, Cartman paints his face blue and wears a Smurf costume with his bare chest showing. The Smurfs teach him to pick Smurf berries and he falls in love with Smurfette. A very fat Wendy (Cartman in very unconvincing drag) comes to destroy Smurf village because the Smurf berries are worth a lot of money. She runs down the Smurfs and their village in graphic cartoon violence with a bulldozer, killing Smurfette and most other smurfs brutally. Cartman again uses a fallacy to convince the kids it all happened by saying "Go ahead and look outside, you won't see any Smurfs!" All of this is documented in Eric's new DVD: Dances with Smurfs.

Butters' infatuation with Eric's views brings him to call the first cry of rebellion against Wendy. Butters organizes a group with similar t-shirts that state: "I ask questions" and leads the group to Wendy's house. There he climbs her steps and urinates on Wendy's front door (and her father when he answers it) telling her to go on the EC show and defend herself. The next morning, Cartman is seated opposite Wendy and the sides of his hair have been dyed gray. He tells her he will take it easy on her yet begins with more loaded questions. He starts asking, "How many Smurfberries is the life of each Smurf worth?" and, "If a Smurf dies when no one else is around does it still scream?"

Wendy turns the table with her own loaded questions, "Do you know how much power a single Smurf berry can generate?" and spins a story about her plan to get someone on the inside of Smurf Village. She asks Cartman if he knew they would die and claims she has written a book, Going Rogue on the Smurfs, where she describes all the dirty details about the plan and how she used Eric on the inside to take down the Smurfs. She claims she had already sold the movie rights to James Cameron. She steps down and gives Eric the class presidency. Cartman runs to the theater to find James Cameron's Avatar playing and screams in dismay.

Since a student can't hold the positions of president and morning announcer at the same time, Eric's forced to step down from his position as the announcer, with his replacement being Casey Miller, who scathingly criticizes Eric as student body president. Cartman begins crying bitterly in response, leaving the room.


  1313: "Dances with Smurfs" edit
Story Elements

SmurfsEC ShowGordon StoltskiCasey Miller


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South Park: The Complete Thirteenth Season