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The official script for "Conjoined Fetus Lady" was released by South Park Studios. It is located [[Media:{{{e}}}.pdf|here]]!

Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Pip Pirrup
  • Butters Stotch (referred to as Swanson)
  • Bebe Stevens
  • Clyde Donovan
  • Mr. Mackey
  • Sheila Broflovski
  • Gerald Broflovski
  • Sharon Marsh
  • Randy Marsh
  • Chef
  • Ms. Crabtree
  • Nurse Gollum
  • Principal Victoria
  • Officer Barbrady
  • Jimbo Kern
  • Bob Thomas
  • The Denver Cougars
  • Kevin Stoley
  • Annie Faulk (referred to as Jordan)
  • Chinese commentators
  • The Chinese Dodgeball Team

Script

{{EpisodeScript| |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | South Park Elementary Gym. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Okay, children, it's Friday, and you know what that means for PE class. We're gonna play dodgeball! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The class groans. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | We don't wanna play dodgeball. It hurts. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | So let's have half the children on this side [To his right.] and half the children on that side. [To his left] |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Team 1 walks to one side. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Uncertain.] Uhh... Excuse me a moment, gentlemen. I don't believe I know how to play dodgeball. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [With Clyde and Stan looking on.] What? Don't you have dodgeball in France? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well, no. And actually, I'm not from France-- |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Look, Pip, the rules are simple. A kid from that team is gonna try to bean a kid on our team in the head with a big red ball. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, dear. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | If the ball hits you, you're out, but if you catch the ball, he's out, and the last team to still have anybody standing wins. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, what jolly good fun! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No it isn't, it hurts! I can't believe they let us play this in school. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The teams are as follows:
Team 1: Kyle, Clyde, Kenny, Stan, Cartman, Pip, Jordan (Annie), Swanson (Butters), and one other
Team 2: Bill, Fosse, Kevin, Bebe, and five others.
|-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Blows his whistle.] Play ball! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Kevin takes the ball and chucks it at Stan's team. It hits Clyde. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Clyde

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ow! Ahow-ow-ooooowww! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Dammit, we lost one already! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Aheeheh, you're out, Clyde! Heheheh. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Jordan, Swanson, pull forward! We need backup |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Kevin throws again, and it hits Jordan (Annie). |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Jordan (Annie)

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Aagghhh! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | We're losing men fast out here! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | He and Kyle jump out of the way as the ball sails towards the unnamed teammate. The guy falls and the ball returns to the opposing team. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Giggling.] Concentrate on your ge-hame! Be the buhaw-hall! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Kevin serves again, and Kyle looks away as it comes towards him, amazingly Kyle opens his eyes to find the ball is in his hands. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I caught it! I caught it! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Great catch, Kyle! Now your team's on offense! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Here, Pip, you throw. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Kyle tosses the ball to Pip, who catches it. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ugh... Oh, no, I couldn't. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Come on, limey, don't be a wuss! Are you just gonna be a little French pig your whole life? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I'm not French-- |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Throw the ball, you stupid frog! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Pip sets up to throw. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | God-damn, maybe if you didn't eat all those croissants, |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Angered, Pip throws the ball at him. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | you'd be able to-- Ow! [He falls. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Okay, that was pretty good, Pip, but you're supposed to hit the kids on the other team. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ow, my nose! You broke my nose! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Damn, Pip. I didn't know you had it in you. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ogh! I'm dreadfully sorry! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | That nose is bleeding pretty bad, Kyle. I think you might have to go to the nurse's office. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Fear strikes the kids. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Gasp.] No. No, it'll be okay! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sorry, son. You'll have to let the nurse look at it. Come on. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Chef takes him by the hand, and leads him away to the nurse's office. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh-- Noooo! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Ominously.] Dude! He's going to the nurse's office. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Clyde

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I heard the school nurse is hideously deformed. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Bebe

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I heard she has tentacles and eats children for lunch. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Stan? Has anybody actually seen the nurse, and come back to tell about it? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Somberly.] No, Cartman. Nobody ever has. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Nurse's Office. Kyle's shadow is on the window. He waits with his hand on his nose. He sees a mouse nibble at some cheese and run away. He looks up, and a door opens. Kyle looks and shuts his eyes tight. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Are you Kyle Broflovski? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | She sounds friendly, but her shadow falls on him. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ye-yes. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I'm the school nurse. Did you hurt your nose? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ye-yes. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Young man, Why do you have your eyes closed? I'm not gonna hurt you. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I know. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | So open them. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | She walks to her left, Kyle resists, then opens them. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh! Phew. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Now, what seems to be the problem? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Aw, I just hit my nose playing dodgeball. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh. Well, I'll get you an ice pack. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | She turns to face him, and a withered fetus comes into view. It is joined to her left temple and upper cheek. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | AAGGGGGHHHH!! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | OOOOOHHHHH MY GOD!! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, I see you've noticed my disorder. I have a stillborn fetus growth attached to my head. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | AAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | After school, at Kyle's house. The boys are there to listen to Kyle's story. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | ...And when she moved up and down, the little fetus jiggled. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Boys

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Eewwww! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Did it talk? The little fetus, did it talk? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No. No-it looked dead. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Boys

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Eewwww! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Wa-was it wearing clothes? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Dude, where is she gonna get fetus clothes? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, yeah. Eeww. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Boys

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Eewwww! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | And then she walked over to-- |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Kyle! That is enough! I've been reading up on your poor nurse's condition, and it is nothing to be made fun of. It's called "conjoined twin myslexia". |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Who the hell cares what it's called, as long as she doesn't have to touch me. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Now, that's just the kind of unawareness that we need to fight against. Sit down, boys. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | They hop on the sofa. She sits in the middle and opens the book. Softly, she reads. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You see boys, sometimes, when babies are born, they're born as twins. But sometimes the twins get hooked together, and they're born as Siamese twins. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | A picture of two adults attached by the side of the head is shown. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

The Boys

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Gross! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | But sometimes, after the Siamese twins are joined together, one of the twins dies before birth. The living baby is born with the dead baby still attached. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Stan is frightened. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sometimes, this dead twin is inside the living person, so even you could have a dead twin inside you and not even know it! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Now, Cartman is frightened. He and Stan rush out of there. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | AGGGGGGHHHHHH! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | AGGHHH! Let me live! AGGGHHH! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | So now that you're educated about her disease, you won't need to make fun of her. Right, bubbe? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Uhhhh... Yeah. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | She leaves, and Kyle's eyes follow her. Then he looks forward, then at Kenny. Kenny cracks up. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The dining room. Sheila serves dinner to Gerald as he reads the newspaper. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Can you imagine that poor, poor woman? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Gerald

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Mm-hmm. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Feeling like an outcast, being ridiculed every day... |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Gerald

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Mm-hmm. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The phone rings and Sheila answers. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hello? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sharon

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hello, Sheila? It's Sharon, Stan's mother. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Stan is screaming and running around the house. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, yes. Hello, Sharon. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sharon

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sheila, I was just wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Randy chases him down. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No! I have to get it out! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well, Sharon, I was just trying to educate them about conjoined twin myslexia. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sharon

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | So this is your fault. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | ARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Randy

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Damn it, stop. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Stan slips from his grasp and he falls. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Randy

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Gets up and chases him. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Randy

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Damm it! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sharon

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Would you do me a favor? Next time you want to scare the hell out of my child, just go outside and sit in the road until a truck runs you over instead? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Click. Stan runs by again, still screaming and pursued by Randy. Sheila is left with a dial tone. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Undaunted.] That does it! I must educate the entire town about this awful disease! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Gerald

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Mm-hmm. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | South Park Elementary Gym. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [To Cartman.] Dude, I don't get it. Why are we playing dodgeball again? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah. I thought we only played on Fridays. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Arriving with a letter.] Children! Great news! We've been asked to play in the State Finals for dodgeball! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

All

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Awww... |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Aw, do we have to? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Can't we just play with that big parachute again or something? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You-you don't understand, children. If we can win State, we can play in the Nationals in Washington, D.C.! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Heyh! They have a zoo there! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | That's right! Now, come on! We have a lot of practicing to do! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The class separates into teams. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Aren't we supposed to have won something in order to go to State Finals? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hey, Pip. Do you wanna be on my team again? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I'd love to! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Now, let's try not to send anyone to that monster nurse this time, Frenchy. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hey! I get quite disturbed when you call me that! You shouldn't make fun of foreigners. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | He turns and walks away. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | And besides, I hate French people. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Chef blows the whistle to begin play. Fosse throws, and Bebe is beaned. The foursome look at her, then laugh while Pip observes. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Principal Victoria's office. She's meeting with Mr. Mackey and Sheila. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well, Mrs. Broflovski, it certainly is a thrill seeing your cheery face again. What seems to be pissing you off today? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Nothing is pissing me off! I just wanta start a movement. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | O-of course you do. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I want to talk to you all about your school nurse. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Principal Victoria and Mackey are surprised. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mr. Mackey

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Uh, Nurse Gollum is absolutely qualified to be a-- |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No, no no. I'm not upset about her. I want to make the public aware of her. Her disease should be brought to light so that it can be understood rather than made fun of. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, and uh, what disease is that? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mr. Mackey

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Uh, Principal Victoria, Nurse Gollum has conjoined twin myslexia. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What's that? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | She has a dead fetus attached to her head. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Gasp.] She does? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mr. Mackey

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Y-you never noticed that? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No-o, I never did. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well, that's exactly what I'm talking about. This poor woman is forced to live in the shadows because she feels like an outcast. It is up to us to make her feel comfortable and welcome in our town! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Did you say a fetus, sticking out from her head? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I want to invite your nurse to a dinner party at my house this evening. I'd appreciate it if both you and Mr. Mackey would attend. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mr. Macke

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Do we have to eat kosher stuff? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well, I'll talk to Nurse Gollum, but I'm sure she'll be delighted. Let's say around 8? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Wonderful! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Now, you did say she has a fetus on her head? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | A mountain road. The class is on its way to the State Finals. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Rising.] Okay children. [Encouraging] Now, who's gonna win the State Finals? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The kids just look at him. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Clyde

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Denver? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" |

Here we go Ca-ows, here we go: Unh, unh!
Here we go Ca-ows, here we go: Unh, unh!

|- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The kids just look at him. He looks back, then turns to Ms. Crabtree. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I think we need to get off on this exit. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mrs. Crabtre

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | SIT DOWN, KID!! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | But it's quicker to get to the Denver school that way! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Ms. Crabtree

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | DO YOU WANT AN OFFICE REFERRAL?! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | How many times do I have to explain this to you?! I'm not a student! You can't give me an office referral, and-! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Ms. Crabtree

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I SAID SIT DOOWWN!!! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Sits down.] Yes, ma'am. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The kids arrive at Denver Elementary. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Whoa, dude, this is a school? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The crowd is cheering. Cows fans are scattered among the crowd. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Bob Thomas

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hello, there. I'm Bob Thomas, the coach for the Denver Cougars. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | He slaps Chef on the back. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I'm Chef, coach of the South Park Cows. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Bob Thomas

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well, I certainly want to thank you for bringing your team down. Apparently, nobody else would play us, because they knew we'd just beat 'em silly. So I told the school board to find me some hick school from the mountains, and here you are. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Chef is pissed. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Bob Thomas

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You're from South Park, yeah? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [In a low tone.] Yeah. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Bob Thomas

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | My G-hod, amazing where people can live nowadays. Well, we might as well get this over with; we've gotta start thinking about D.C. Promise we won't make it too painful. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | He slaps Chef on the back again and leaves. Chef wonders, then gets mad again as the whistle blows. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Referee

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Play ball! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Dinner at the Broflovski house. Principal Victoria, Mr. Mackey, and Nurse Gollum are there, with her conjoined fetus out of view. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | So, uhh, where did you get your degree, Nurse Gollum? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Colorado State. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ahhh. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | They resume eating in silence. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Gerald

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sheila, could you pass me the dead fetus? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Sheila looks at Nurse Gollum, then glares at Gerald. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Gerald

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I mean, gravy. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Sheila kicks him on the shins. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Gerald

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ow! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Denver Elementary. The Cougars are serving. Player 1 throws the ball, and it hits Token, who goes down. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Token

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ow! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The Cougar fans cheer. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Dammit, come on! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Clyde and Swanson (Butters) are already out, along with one other. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Somebody catch the ball! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Only Pip and the Boys remain. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Bob Thomas

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | All right, boys, just five more of the little bastards to go! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Player 1 serves again, and the ball hits Cartman in the belly where it gets stuck. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I caught it, I caught it! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Player 1

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, that's not fair! He's so fat, it stuck in his belly! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Referee 2

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | South Park on offense! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Great job, children! Just stay focused now. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Go for it, Pip. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Kyle tosses the ball over to Pip. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, bother. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Come on, you Frenchy little frog! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Gagghh! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Pip hurls the ball at the other team and knocks down players 1 and 13. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Great shot, Pip! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Back at Broflovski's |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ehsooo, I hear that the South Park Cows are playing for the State Finals in dodgeball tonight. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mr. Mackey

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah, but you know, it-it doesn't matter though. The-the Denver team always wins, m'kay? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Gerald

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, I don't know. I think our boys might just have the dead fetus to win-- Heart! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Gerald! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Sheila smacks him off his chair. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Shiela

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Keep your damn mouth shut! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I-it's okay, Ms. Broflovski. Really. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Exhales.] Please forgive us. I-I'm terribly sorry, Nurse Gollum. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No, I'm quite secure with it. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I have felt so bad ever since I heard the boys making fun of you-- |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | They're just young boys. Joking is a way for them to come to terms with what they don't understand. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mr. Mackey

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Could I get some more pork? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | So did you ever think of just, you know, having it cut off? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yes, Principal Victoria, the thought had occurred to me. Unfortunately, it would mean my death. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ooohh, so I suppose that's out. Uh-how about a hat, then? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No, really, I don't need a-- |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yes, we could get you a few hats and wear a different one every day. No big whoop. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I really appreciate what you're trying to do here, but it's not necessary. I'm a pretty happy person. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I've got it! We could set aside a whole week to make the public aware of folks just like you. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Principal Victoria

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ooohh, yeess, a Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week. You know, that has a nice ring. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | But I really don't think-- |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mr. Mackey

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Th-the school could put out pamphlets, m'kay? And we could have seminars to educate, m'kay? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Sheila

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ooooh, this is so exciting! I'm gonna get the mayor on the phone right now! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Sheila leaves with Mr. Mackey and Principal Victoria. Nurse Gollum and Gerald look at each other. Gerald winces. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Meanwhile at the Dodgeball State Finals. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You got just one more, Pip. You get this kid, and we are State Champions. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah, and if you don't, you're a big dumb-ass European hippie piece of crap. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Pip gets pissed and winds up. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Get him, Frenchy! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Pip

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Gaagghh! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Pip hurls the ball across the court where it hits player 6 on the nose. The player goes down. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Referee 2

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | South Park wins! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Coach Thomas is in utter disbelief as the victory music plays. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | We did it, children, we did it! We're going to Washington, D.C.! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Player 6

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Uh-hu-hu-hu-howieee! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | A group of parents looks on as an injured player on the opposing team writhes on the floor in pain. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Player 6

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ihit hurhurts! Howieee! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Two clowns come out with a stretcher and place it next to him. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Player 6

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Mommy, it huurts! Ihit hurhurts! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The clowns do a little jig, and the parents laugh. The clowns place him on the other side of the stretcher, then pick up the stretcher and walk away. The boy is left on the floor. The parents applaud. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, sorry about whoopin' your ass there, Coach!

Ooo, baby, come on
Just whooped Denver's ass
Gonna need some cream for your ass
It's all swollen and red

|- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Chef dances, and shows off his butt several times. He also turns to make sure Coach Thomas is watching. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Meanwhile, at the South Park Town Square. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mayor McDaniels

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ladies and gentlemen, this is indeed a great week for South Park. Ms. Hermans has opened the east wing of the library, and our own South Park Cows Elementary School Dodgeball Team is going to the national finals... |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The crowd cheers wildly. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mayor McDaniels

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | ...where they will undoubtedly be beaten senseless by the Washington team. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The Broflovskis are not amused. The crowd quiets down. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mayor McDaniels

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | But most importantly, this week has brought to my attention a very serious and dreaded disease: conjoined twin myslexia. And so it is in honor of this that I declare this exciting week as Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The crowd cheer louder. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mayor McDaniels

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | And now, let's kick off our week long festivities with the first annual Grand Conjoined Parade! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | More cheering. There are people on rooftops all over the square cheering as well. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mayor McDaniels

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Let's hear it for these brave souls! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The band starts playing festive music. The crowd cheers up and down as Nurse Gollum walks down the street, alone. She looks around and waves. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mayor McDaniels

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What a glorious parade that was! Let's hear it for the parade coordinators! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Nine men are shown, and they cheer back. Nurse Gollum is now next to Mayor McDaniels at the podium. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You know, Mayor, I really should be accompanying those kids to Washington in case they get hurt. That is my job. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mayor McDaniels

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [The mic is still on.] Nonsense. This is your week. You aren't going anywhere. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Somewhere near Washington, D.C. The bus is going through a lovely meadow. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | How much further is Washington, D.C.? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mrs. Crabtree

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | SIT DOWN, KID!! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I need to know how far it is, lady! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mrs. Crabtree

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I SAID SIT DOWN!!! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Grumbling.] Yeah, whatever, you old, dried-up, fat hog. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mrs. Crabtree

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | WHAT DID YOU SAY?! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I said, "I've always wanted to visit Prague." |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mrs. Crabtree

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, me too. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Clyde munches away. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [To Kyle.] Okay, what have you got? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Some hadka fish, some gafagga... |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Quickly.] I got a jelly roll! I got a jelly roll! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Kenny pulls out a bone. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Sweet! A jelly roll is perfect! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Stan takes one end of a short bungee cord while Cartman holds the other end. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Places! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Stan gives his end to Kyle and takes the jelly roll. He places the jelly roll in the makeshift slingshot, pulls back, and fires away. All three smile as the roll flies forward. It hits Mrs. Crabtree on the back of her head. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Ms. Crabtree

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | ARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | She loses control of the bus as it careens down the road. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kids

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Whoa! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kenny

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | (Sheesh!) |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | A tourist sees the bus coming his way and tries to get out of the way, but the bus crashes into the Vietnam Memorial's right wall, and the engine bursts into flames. He was thrown to one side. The right wall drops down three feet, taking the front end of the bus with it and raising the back of the bus off the ground five feet. Both front doors fall off. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Ulysses Grant Elementary. Inside, the gym is filled with championship banners going back to 1987 hang from the rafters. Posters line the walls. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Damn, man. This is the big time, alright. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Chef, we're hungry. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You can eat after the game. You children win this one, and you're National Champions! Then you can go on and play the Chinese. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | My mom says there's a lot of black people in China. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Referee

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Are you Chef? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Referee

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | The Washington team has forfeited the game. Congratulations, you're national champions. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | What? We did it! Children, we won! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Wow, that was easy. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Announcer

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear a round of applause for the new national champions of dodgeball, the South Park Cows! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Everyone boos as Kyle rushes over to the opposing team. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hey, why did you guys forfeit? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Player

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You mean you don't know? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Know what? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Player

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Last year's national champions were the Austin Pirates. They played China for the world championship. Only four of them came back alive. Chinese dodgeball players aren't like us. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | A temple scene comes up. A squad of Chinese kids are exercising as their master gives orders. Some of them are being acrobatic, others throw solid kettle-bells at each other. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Master

| class="DLborderBOT secBG"" style="padding-left:5px;" | Bush langli. Woon taun. Waya ching gia! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Player

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Voice-over.] They do nothing but dodgeball, day in, and day out. They use steroids and advanced training equipment to make them, not kids, but animals. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Eeach kid is handed a bowling ball, which he or she throws against a brick wall. The wall crumbles further with every throw. The scene fades, and the foursome are standing there, awed. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Player

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Well, good luck. We've got our futures to think about. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | He hops off and leaves as Chef comes over. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Okay, children, back in the bus. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | South Park City Hall. Many people are seated at table waiting for the evening's events to unfold. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mayor McDaniels

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | And so, at this honorary dinner we take a look back at our beloved Nurse Gollum and the brave life she has lived. Roll the tape, please, Mr. Garrison. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | He starts up the player. He's in a nice tuxedo. Nurse Gollum is quite embarrassed as she sits with Sharon in the crowd. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, no..! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Singer

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [The video begins.]

You've got the strength, you've got the courage
Even with a dead fetus on your head
You carry on
You fight for tomorrow
Dead fetus or no, you never let go
You're my conjoined-twin-dead-thing-hanging-off-your-head woman

|- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Scenes from the video:

  • She's painting her house orange, and annoyed that Garrison is filming it.
  • She looks out the window, and is annoyed that he is still there, filming.
  • She's in her office.
  • She's at the supermarket, annoyed, she's trying to cover the camera lens so Garrison would stop filming.
  • At the post office, she's trying to shoo him away, she's very angry that he's filming her.
  • She's on the toilet, and she clamps her legs shut, with hands before them for added security. She's outraged.

|- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | There are sobs here and there, a smattering of applause. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Barbrady

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, that was so touching. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mayor McDaniels

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [With envelope in hand.] And now, friends, it's time to present the Lifetime Conjoined Twin Achievement Award. This award goes to outstanding conjoined twins who have made a mark on society. And the winner is... [Reaches into the envelope.] |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Derisively.] Nurse Gollum. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mayor McDaniels

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Nurse Gollum!! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The room applauds and the spotlight moves from the Mayor to the nurse. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Nurse Gollum

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, boy. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Jimbo

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Interrupting.] Excuse me, Mayor, but I just received some news that you might all be interested in. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Jimbo takes the microphone. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Jimbo

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Our South Park Cows have just beaten the Washington dodgeball team, and are on their way to the world championship in China. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The crowd erupts in applause, meanwhile somewhere near China. The bus is going down a slope. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Okay, children, now, we're almost to China. I want you all to try and focus on your game. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | But Chef, we don't wanna play the Chinese! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Nonsense! If we win this one, we're world champions. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | But we could get killed! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | And just what price would you pay for eternal glory? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Stan and Kyle fall silent. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Just imagine: a big yellow "Dodgeball Champions" banner hanging in the cafeteria! Imagine it! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Dude, Chef has lost it. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You'll be in the news all over the world. South Park will finally have a sport that it's good at. Ohh, children, it'll be glorious! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | So, Captain Ahab has to get his whale, huh? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Chef looks at him. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Dude, what does that mean? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I dunno. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hey, isn't that kid Kevin Chinese? |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Kevin looks back. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah, you're from China. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kevin

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No, I'm from America. My parents are Chinese. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Tell us how the Chinese play dodgeball! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kevin

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | I have no idea, dude. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Come on, rice picker! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hey, hey hey! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Cartman hides his hands. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Children, that's not cool! You don't make fun of somebody because of their ethnicity.|-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | You don't? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | But Chef, you just ripped on Chinese people. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | No, no, no, no, no, that's different. I made fun of them because they are from China. You see, it's not okay to make fun of an American because they're black, brown, or whatever, but it is okay to make fun of foreigners because they are from another country. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan, Kyle

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ohhh. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Cartman

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [At the same time.] Oooh, I get it. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Kevin

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Vindicated.] Yeah. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The bus has reached the temple. On the side is a banner that reads: Go Cows! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Mrs. Crabtree

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | [Slamming on the brakes.] AAAGGGGHHHH! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chinese Commentator

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hiit ita wita great pride, that huwe huwelcome ourn American friend. Now let the... |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | He thumps the table, and his partner's mic falls. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chinese Commentator

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | ...champion of dodgeball be deshide! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | His partner resets the mic, a muscular man bangs away on a kodo drum, and musicians next to him start playing. The crowd cheers, and dancers come up and unfurl streamers. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Stan

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Damn, dude. China's fucked up. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Referee

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Take places! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | All right, let's go, Cows! Let's show 'em what we've got! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chinese Commentator

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Okay, Tom, rooks rike A-mericans are getting ready to play. I don't suppose they'll have any problems seeing the ball with their big American eyes! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | They laugh. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Tom

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Yeah. Good thing they have those big eyes so that they don't have to rery on that amazing American interrect. |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | He laughs. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chinese Commentator

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Oh, you say such things. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Tom

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | That's a zinger! |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Referee

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Praaayyy braal! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | The Chinese serve. The first one out is Clyde, who tumbles all the way to the wall. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Holy crap..! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Kyle is hit, twice, before he goes down. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chef

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | God damn... |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chinese Commentator

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Hey, hey, what do you call white American person with PhD in a physics and-a math? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Tom

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Ah, I don't know. What? |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Chinese Commentator

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Stupid American! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | He laughs. |-

| class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" |

Tom

| class="DLborderBOT " style="padding-left:5px;" | Aw, no way!! |- | class="DLborderBOT DLborderRIGHT" | | class="DLborderBOT thirdBG" style="padding-left:5px;" | Tom starts laughing. {{WScreiptBScenve|iewer admin[A Chinese player takes aim at Cartman, who turns and runs away squealing. The ball gets him anyway, and he tumbles away] |- !Chinese Commentator: |Oooh, another American is down! It's numbuh-- uuhhh... Oh, I don't know. All American look alike! [they laugh] |- ! |[A Chinese player serves and hits Kenny with such force that the ball picks him up and splatters him against the wall, then bounces up and away. Paint falls away and cracks are left in the wall. Blood pours out quickly. The crowd jumps up and cheers] |- !Stan: |Oh my God, they killed Kenny! |- !Kyle: |[lying on his side and out of breath] You... bastards... |- !Chinese Commentator: |Oooh, my, I haven't seen an American die like that since Abraham Lincoln! [chuckles] |- !Tom: |Dude, that is-a not cool! You're gonna get us into trouble again. |- ! | bgcolor="#6dc56d"|[South Park Town Square. The town is assembled yet again] |- !Mayor McDaniels: |Ladies and gentlemen, on this fourth day of Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week, all our prayers are with our little South Park Cows now playing their hearts out in China. [the town cheers] Now, join me in saluting our Cows and help make Nurse Gollum not feel like an outcast with our first official Conjoined Twin Myslexia hats! [one of her aides passes out the hats as an organ plays. Nurse Gollum just watches] |- ! | bgcolor="#6dc56d"|[China, the Temple. Chef is tending to his injured players. Kyle is hooked up to an IV unit. The other players are bandaged up according to the severity of their injuries] |- !Chinese Commentator: |And there is-a only a one South Park prayer left. [Pip. Kenny is still plastered to the wall] Still all Chinese prayer. This should be over veerry shortly. |- !Chinese kid: |Come on! Throw ball! |- !Tom: |Hey, you wanna hear my impersonation of American? |- !Chinese Commentator: |Yeah, yeah! |- !Tom: |Ah, okay. [puts his hands to his eyelids and opens them wide to simulate American eyes, and talks in a deep voice] Hey, I really, really want that. That looks good. [they have a good laugh] |- !Chinese Commentator: |Hey, hey. Let me try, let me try. [sets up with a deep voice] I'll use my credit card. [they laugh harder, and he resumes] Eh-eh-uh... Do you have any non-dairy creamer? [they laugh] |- !Tom: |Yes yes! [laughs] Y'all come a-back now, you hear? [they laugh so hard they fall from their chairs] |- !Chef: |[crestfallen] Oh, what have I done? [Cartman comes over and sits next to him] You know, Eric, I just realized something. I have been obsessed, and obsession isn't good. [Eric bites into a chocolate bar] If we had won the world championship, what then? [Kevin walks off] It would only be a bigger letdown the next year if we didn't win! Our lives would have to revolve around dodgeball. Our lives were fine before. [Cartman farts and tries to fan it away] Oh, I'm sorry, children. I let it all go to my head. Can you ever forgive me? [the kids are stunned at this sudden reversal of desire] Come on, forget this stupid game. Let's go home. |- !Chinese kid: |Come on! Throw ball! |- !Kevin: |[walking over to player 70] Hey, if you wanna make him throw the ball, say this. [hands him a note to read] |- !Player 70: |Thanks, you American dumb-ass! [reads it] "You French piece of crap! Throw ball! [Pip gets angry] What's the matter, Frenchy? You got crepes in your ears." [the team laughs. Pip gets livid rather quickly] |- !Pip: |Arrggghhh! [starts spinning. The Chinese team watches as Pip picks up speed, and the players gasp. Pip releases the ball and it shoots all over the temple stadium, knocking out players left and right, until all of them are down. Pip slows down, and finally stops] |- !Chinese Commentator: |And the winner is South Park Cows! [musicians play] |- !Pip: |Everyone! Everyone, look! I won the game! We're world champions! Mr. Chef, Mr. Chef. South Park is the world champion in dodgeball. Oh, glorious day! [the South Park team is limping off the court, with Kyle taking his IV unit along] |- !Chef: |Shut up, Pip. |- !Stan: |Yeah, shut up, Pip. [to Chef] Can we go home now? |- !Pip: |Did you all see? I can't believe I threw such a ball with my own arm. It was-- |- !Kids, Chef: |Shut up, Pip! |- ! | bgcolor="#6dc56d"|[South Park Town Square. The Mayor is on stage] |- !Mayor McDaniels: |As this year's Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week draws to a close, I would like to personally thank all of you for your enthusiastic cooperation. [the crowd cheers] Now, let's hear it one more time for our world champion South Park Cows! [the team is standing behind a low wall with a trophy at one end, next to Chef] |- !Kyle: |[now dressed normally, but still bandaged] What the hell is everyone wearing on their heads? |- !Mayor McDaniels: |And now, let's hear from the woman of the week! The incredible, courageous Nurse Gollum! |- !Kyle: |Agghh! |- !Stan: |Dude, it's the freak nurse! |- !Cartman: |Holy crap! |- !Sheila: |Dammit, Kyle! We've been working all week against that kind of behavior! |- !Kyle: |Well sorry, dude, we weren't here. |- !Nurse Gollum: |Thank you, Mayor. I uhhh, wa-I... I don't know what to say; this has been quite a week. |- !Sheila: |[wiping away a tear] She's really touched. |- !Nurse Gollum: |What I really wanna say is... well, -egh-- This may sound odd coming from a woman with a fetus sticking out of her head, but... you're all a bunch of freaks! [the crowd is stunned] |- !Mayor McDaniels: |[taking the mike] Uhhh, freaks with big hearts! And now-- |- !Nurse Gollum: |Don't you realize that the last thing I ever wanted was to be singled out? [Sheila and the priest look betrayed] I just wanted to do my job and live my life like any normal person, but instead you've made everybody focus on my handicap all week long. [the look is spreading] Look, I don't want to be treated different. I don't want to be treated special orh-or treated gingerly. I just want to be ridiculed, shouted at, and made fun of like all the rest of you do to each other. [people are listening] And take those stupid things off your heads! [she turns and walks off the stage] |- !Principal Victoria: |Oh, my, what an ungrateful bitch. |- !Sheila: |Yeah, the nerve of some people. |- !Kyle: |Hey, you know, that nurse is actually pretty cool. |- !Stan: |Yeah, maybe that dead fetus makes her smarter. |- !Cartman: |I love you guys. [Stan and Kyle merely look at him and say nothing] Ah, screw you guys(!) |- ! | bgcolor="#6dc56d"|[End of Conjoined Fetus Lady.] |}



  205: "Conjoined Fetus Lady" edit
Story Elements

Nurse GollumChinaChinese Dodgeball PlayersMs. Herman • "Dodgeball Song" • "Conjoined Twin Song" •

Media

ImagesScriptExtrasWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete Second Season

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