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{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Come on, rice picker!}}
 
{{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Come on, rice picker!}}
 
{{ScriptDialog|Chef|Hey, hey hey!}}
 
{{ScriptDialog|Chef|Hey, hey hey!}}
{{WScreiptBScenve|iewer
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{{ScriptScene|Cartman hides his hands.}}
criptScene|admin{S [Cartman hides his hands]'' Children, that's not cool! You don't make fun of somebody because of their ethnicity.
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{{ScriptDialog|Chef|Children, that's not cool! You don't make fun of somebody because of their ethnicity.}}
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Stan:
 
!Stan:

Revision as of 16:03, November 21, 2016


The official script for "Conjoined Fetus Lady" was released by South Park Studios. It is located here!

Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Pip Pirrup
  • Butters Stotch (referred to as Swanson)
  • Bebe Stevens
  • Clyde Donovan
  • Mr. Mackey
  • Sheila Broflovski
  • Gerald Broflovski
  • Sharon Marsh
  • Randy Marsh
  • Chef
  • Ms. Crabtree
  • Nurse Gollum
  • Principal Victoria
  • Officer Barbrady
  • Jimbo Kern
  • Bob Thomas
  • The Denver Cougars
  • Kevin Stoley
  • Annie Faulk (referred to as Jordan)
  • Chinese commentators
  • The Chinese Dodgeball Team

Script

{{EpisodeScript| |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | South Park Elementary Gym. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Okay, children, it's Friday, and you know what that means for PE class. We're gonna play dodgeball! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The class groans. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | We don't wanna play dodgeball. It hurts. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Yeah. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | So let's have half the children on this side [To his right.] and half the children on that side. [To his left] |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Team 1 walks to one side. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Uncertain.] Uhh... Excuse me a moment, gentlemen. I don't believe I know how to play dodgeball. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [With Clyde and Stan looking on.] What? Don't you have dodgeball in France? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Well, no. And actually, I'm not from France-- |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Look, Pip, the rules are simple. A kid from that team is gonna try to bean a kid on our team in the head with a big red ball. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, dear. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | If the ball hits you, you're out, but if you catch the ball, he's out, and the last team to still have anybody standing wins. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, what jolly good fun! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | No it isn't, it hurts! I can't believe they let us play this in school. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The teams are as follows:
Team 1: Kyle, Clyde, Kenny, Stan, Cartman, Pip, Jordan (Annie), Swanson (Butters), and one other
Team 2: Bill, Fosse, Kevin, Bebe, and five others.
|-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Blows his whistle.] Play ball! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Kevin takes the ball and chucks it at Stan's team. It hits Clyde. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Clyde

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ow! Ahow-ow-ooooowww! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Dammit, we lost one already! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Aheeheh, you're out, Clyde! Heheheh. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Jordan, Swanson, pull forward! We need backup |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Kevin throws again, and it hits Jordan (Annie). |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Jordan (Annie)

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Aagghhh! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | We're losing men fast out here! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | He and Kyle jump out of the way as the ball sails towards the unnamed teammate. The guy falls and the ball returns to the opposing team. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Giggling.] Concentrate on your ge-hame! Be the buhaw-hall! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Kevin serves again, and Kyle looks away as it comes towards him, amazingly Kyle opens his eyes to find the ball is in his hands. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I caught it! I caught it! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Great catch, Kyle! Now your team's on offense! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Here, Pip, you throw. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Kyle tosses the ball to Pip, who catches it. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ugh... Oh, no, I couldn't. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Come on, limey, don't be a wuss! Are you just gonna be a little French pig your whole life? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I'm not French-- |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Throw the ball, you stupid frog! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Pip sets up to throw. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | God-damn, maybe if you didn't eat all those croissants, |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Angered, Pip throws the ball at him. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | you'd be able to-- Ow! [He falls. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Okay, that was pretty good, Pip, but you're supposed to hit the kids on the other team. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ow, my nose! You broke my nose! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Damn, Pip. I didn't know you had it in you. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ogh! I'm dreadfully sorry! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | That nose is bleeding pretty bad, Kyle. I think you might have to go to the nurse's office. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Fear strikes the kids. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Gasp.] No. No, it'll be okay! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Sorry, son. You'll have to let the nurse look at it. Come on. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Chef takes him by the hand, and leads him away to the nurse's office. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh-- Noooo! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Ominously.] Dude! He's going to the nurse's office. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Clyde

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I heard the school nurse is hideously deformed. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Bebe

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I heard she has tentacles and eats children for lunch. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Stan? Has anybody actually seen the nurse, and come back to tell about it? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Somberly.] No, Cartman. Nobody ever has. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Nurse's Office. Kyle's shadow is on the window. He waits with his hand on his nose. He sees a mouse nibble at some cheese and run away. He looks up, and a door opens. Kyle looks and shuts his eyes tight. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Are you Kyle Broflovski? |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | She sounds friendly, but her shadow falls on him. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ye-yes. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I'm the school nurse. Did you hurt your nose? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ye-yes. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Young man, Why do you have your eyes closed? I'm not gonna hurt you. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I know. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | So open them. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | She walks to her left, Kyle resists, then opens them. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh! Phew. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Now, what seems to be the problem? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Aw, I just hit my nose playing dodgeball. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh. Well, I'll get you an ice pack. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | She turns to face him, and a withered fetus comes into view. It is joined to her left temple and upper cheek. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | AAGGGGGHHHH!! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | What? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | OOOOOHHHHH MY GOD!! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, I see you've noticed my disorder. I have a stillborn fetus growth attached to my head. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | AAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | After school, at Kyle's house. The boys are there to listen to Kyle's story. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | ...And when she moved up and down, the little fetus jiggled. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Boys

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Eewwww! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Did it talk? The little fetus, did it talk? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | No. No-it looked dead. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Boys

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Eewwww! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Wa-was it wearing clothes? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Dude, where is she gonna get fetus clothes? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, yeah. Eeww. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Boys

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Eewwww! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | And then she walked over to-- |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Kyle! That is enough! I've been reading up on your poor nurse's condition, and it is nothing to be made fun of. It's called "conjoined twin myslexia". |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Who the hell cares what it's called, as long as she doesn't have to touch me. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Now, that's just the kind of unawareness that we need to fight against. Sit down, boys. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | They hop on the sofa. She sits in the middle and opens the book. Softly, she reads. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | You see boys, sometimes, when babies are born, they're born as twins. But sometimes the twins get hooked together, and they're born as Siamese twins. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | A picture of two adults attached by the side of the head is shown. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
The Boys

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Gross! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | But sometimes, after the Siamese twins are joined together, one of the twins dies before birth. The living baby is born with the dead baby still attached. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Stan is frightened. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Sometimes, this dead twin is inside the living person, so even you could have a dead twin inside you and not even know it! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Now, Cartman is frightened. He and Stan rush out of there. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | AGGGGGGHHHHHH! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | AGGHHH! Let me live! AGGGHHH! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | So now that you're educated about her disease, you won't need to make fun of her. Right, bubbe? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Uhhhh... Yeah. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | She leaves, and Kyle's eyes follow her. Then he looks forward, then at Kenny. Kenny cracks up. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The dining room. Sheila serves dinner to Gerald as he reads the newspaper. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Can you imagine that poor, poor woman? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Gerald

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Mm-hmm. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Feeling like an outcast, being ridiculed every day... |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Gerald

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Mm-hmm. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The phone rings and Sheila answers. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Hello? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sharon

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Hello, Sheila? It's Sharon, Stan's mother. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Stan is screaming and running around the house. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, yes. Hello, Sharon. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sharon

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Sheila, I was just wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick? |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Randy chases him down. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | No! I have to get it out! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Well, Sharon, I was just trying to educate them about conjoined twin myslexia. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sharon

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | So this is your fault. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | ARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Randy

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Damn it, stop. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Stan slips from his grasp and he falls. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Randy

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Gets up and chases him. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Randy

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Damm it! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sharon

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Would you do me a favor? Next time you want to scare the hell out of my child, just go outside and sit in the road until a truck runs you over instead? |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Click. Stan runs by again, still screaming and pursued by Randy. Sheila is left with a dial tone. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Undaunted.] That does it! I must educate the entire town about this awful disease! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Gerald

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Mm-hmm. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | South Park Elementary Gym. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [To Cartman.] Dude, I don't get it. Why are we playing dodgeball again? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Yeah. I thought we only played on Fridays. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Arriving with a letter.] Children! Great news! We've been asked to play in the State Finals for dodgeball! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
All

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Awww... |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Aw, do we have to? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Can't we just play with that big parachute again or something? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | You-you don't understand, children. If we can win State, we can play in the Nationals in Washington, D.C.! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Heyh! They have a zoo there! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | That's right! Now, come on! We have a lot of practicing to do! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The class separates into teams. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Aren't we supposed to have won something in order to go to State Finals? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Hey, Pip. Do you wanna be on my team again? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I'd love to! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Now, let's try not to send anyone to that monster nurse this time, Frenchy. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Hey! I get quite disturbed when you call me that! You shouldn't make fun of foreigners. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | He turns and walks away. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | And besides, I hate French people. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Chef blows the whistle to begin play. Fosse throws, and Bebe is beaned. The foursome look at her, then laugh while Pip observes. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Principal Victoria's office. She's meeting with Mr. Mackey and Sheila. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Well, Mrs. Broflovski, it certainly is a thrill seeing your cheery face again. What seems to be pissing you off today? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Nothing is pissing me off! I just wanta start a movement. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | O-of course you do. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I want to talk to you all about your school nurse. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Principal Victoria and Mackey are surprised. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mr. Mackey

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Uh, Nurse Gollum is absolutely qualified to be a-- |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | No, no no. I'm not upset about her. I want to make the public aware of her. Her disease should be brought to light so that it can be understood rather than made fun of. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, and uh, what disease is that? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mr. Mackey

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Uh, Principal Victoria, Nurse Gollum has conjoined twin myslexia. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | What's that? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | She has a dead fetus attached to her head. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Gasp.] She does? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mr. Mackey

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Y-you never noticed that? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | No-o, I never did. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Well, that's exactly what I'm talking about. This poor woman is forced to live in the shadows because she feels like an outcast. It is up to us to make her feel comfortable and welcome in our town! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Did you say a fetus, sticking out from her head? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I want to invite your nurse to a dinner party at my house this evening. I'd appreciate it if both you and Mr. Mackey would attend. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mr. Macke

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Do we have to eat kosher stuff? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Well, I'll talk to Nurse Gollum, but I'm sure she'll be delighted. Let's say around 8? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Wonderful! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Now, you did say she has a fetus on her head? |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | A mountain road. The class is on its way to the State Finals. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Rising.] Okay children. [Encouraging] Now, who's gonna win the State Finals? |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The kids just look at him. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Clyde

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Denver? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef
| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" |

Here we go Ca-ows, here we go: Unh, unh!
Here we go Ca-ows, here we go: Unh, unh!

|- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The kids just look at him. He looks back, then turns to Ms. Crabtree. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I think we need to get off on this exit. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mrs. Crabtre

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | SIT DOWN, KID!! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | But it's quicker to get to the Denver school that way! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Ms. Crabtree

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | DO YOU WANT AN OFFICE REFERRAL?! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | How many times do I have to explain this to you?! I'm not a student! You can't give me an office referral, and-! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Ms. Crabtree

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I SAID SIT DOOWWN!!! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Sits down.] Yes, ma'am. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The kids arrive at Denver Elementary. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Whoa, dude, this is a school? |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The crowd is cheering. Cows fans are scattered among the crowd. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Bob Thomas

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Hello, there. I'm Bob Thomas, the coach for the Denver Cougars. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | He slaps Chef on the back. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I'm Chef, coach of the South Park Cows. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Bob Thomas

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Well, I certainly want to thank you for bringing your team down. Apparently, nobody else would play us, because they knew we'd just beat 'em silly. So I told the school board to find me some hick school from the mountains, and here you are. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Chef is pissed. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Bob Thomas

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | You're from South Park, yeah? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [In a low tone.] Yeah. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Bob Thomas

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | My G-hod, amazing where people can live nowadays. Well, we might as well get this over with; we've gotta start thinking about D.C. Promise we won't make it too painful. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | He slaps Chef on the back again and leaves. Chef wonders, then gets mad again as the whistle blows. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Referee

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Play ball! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Dinner at the Broflovski house. Principal Victoria, Mr. Mackey, and Nurse Gollum are there, with her conjoined fetus out of view. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | So, uhh, where did you get your degree, Nurse Gollum? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Colorado State. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ahhh. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | They resume eating in silence. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Gerald

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Sheila, could you pass me the dead fetus? |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Sheila looks at Nurse Gollum, then glares at Gerald. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Gerald

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I mean, gravy. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Sheila kicks him on the shins. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Gerald

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ow! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Denver Elementary. The Cougars are serving. Player 1 throws the ball, and it hits Token, who goes down. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Token

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ow! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The Cougar fans cheer. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Dammit, come on! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Clyde and Swanson (Butters) are already out, along with one other. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Somebody catch the ball! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Only Pip and the Boys remain. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Bob Thomas

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | All right, boys, just five more of the little bastards to go! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Player 1 serves again, and the ball hits Cartman in the belly where it gets stuck. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I caught it, I caught it! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Player 1

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, that's not fair! He's so fat, it stuck in his belly! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Referee 2

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | South Park on offense! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Great job, children! Just stay focused now. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Go for it, Pip. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Kyle tosses the ball over to Pip. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, bother. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Come on, you Frenchy little frog! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Gagghh! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Pip hurls the ball at the other team and knocks down players 1 and 13. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Great shot, Pip! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Back at Broflovski's |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ehsooo, I hear that the South Park Cows are playing for the State Finals in dodgeball tonight. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mr. Mackey

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Yeah, but you know, it-it doesn't matter though. The-the Denver team always wins, m'kay? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Gerald

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, I don't know. I think our boys might just have the dead fetus to win-- Heart! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Gerald! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Sheila smacks him off his chair. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Shiela

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Keep your damn mouth shut! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I-it's okay, Ms. Broflovski. Really. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Exhales.] Please forgive us. I-I'm terribly sorry, Nurse Gollum. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | No, I'm quite secure with it. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I have felt so bad ever since I heard the boys making fun of you-- |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | They're just young boys. Joking is a way for them to come to terms with what they don't understand. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mr. Mackey

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Could I get some more pork? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | So did you ever think of just, you know, having it cut off? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Yes, Principal Victoria, the thought had occurred to me. Unfortunately, it would mean my death. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ooohh, so I suppose that's out. Uh-how about a hat, then? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | No, really, I don't need a-- |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Yes, we could get you a few hats and wear a different one every day. No big whoop. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I really appreciate what you're trying to do here, but it's not necessary. I'm a pretty happy person. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I've got it! We could set aside a whole week to make the public aware of folks just like you. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Principal Victoria

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ooohh, yeess, a Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week. You know, that has a nice ring. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | But I really don't think-- |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mr. Mackey

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Th-the school could put out pamphlets, m'kay? And we could have seminars to educate, m'kay? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Sheila

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ooooh, this is so exciting! I'm gonna get the mayor on the phone right now! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Sheila leaves with Mr. Mackey and Principal Victoria. Nurse Gollum and Gerald look at each other. Gerald winces. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Meanwhile at the Dodgeball State Finals. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | You got just one more, Pip. You get this kid, and we are State Champions. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Yeah, and if you don't, you're a big dumb-ass European hippie piece of crap. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Pip gets pissed and winds up. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Get him, Frenchy! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Pip

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Gaagghh! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Pip hurls the ball across the court where it hits player 6 on the nose. The player goes down. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Referee 2

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | South Park wins! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Coach Thomas is in utter disbelief as the victory music plays. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | We did it, children, we did it! We're going to Washington, D.C.! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Player 6

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Uh-hu-hu-hu-howieee! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | A group of parents looks on as an injured player on the opposing team writhes on the floor in pain. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Player 6

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ihit hurhurts! Howieee! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Two clowns come out with a stretcher and place it next to him. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Player 6

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Mommy, it huurts! Ihit hurhurts! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The clowns do a little jig, and the parents laugh. The clowns place him on the other side of the stretcher, then pick up the stretcher and walk away. The boy is left on the floor. The parents applaud. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, sorry about whoopin' your ass there, Coach!

Ooo, baby, come on
Just whooped Denver's ass
Gonna need some cream for your ass
It's all swollen and red

|- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Chef dances, and shows off his butt several times. He also turns to make sure Coach Thomas is watching. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Meanwhile, at the South Park Town Square. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mayor McDaniels

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ladies and gentlemen, this is indeed a great week for South Park. Ms. Hermans has opened the east wing of the library, and our own South Park Cows Elementary School Dodgeball Team is going to the national finals... |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The crowd cheers wildly. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mayor McDaniels

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | ...where they will undoubtedly be beaten senseless by the Washington team. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The Broflovskis are not amused. The crowd quiets down. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mayor McDaniels

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | But most importantly, this week has brought to my attention a very serious and dreaded disease: conjoined twin myslexia. And so it is in honor of this that I declare this exciting week as Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The crowd cheer louder. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mayor McDaniels

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | And now, let's kick off our week long festivities with the first annual Grand Conjoined Parade! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | More cheering. There are people on rooftops all over the square cheering as well. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mayor McDaniels

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Let's hear it for these brave souls! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The band starts playing festive music. The crowd cheers up and down as Nurse Gollum walks down the street, alone. She looks around and waves. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mayor McDaniels

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | What a glorious parade that was! Let's hear it for the parade coordinators! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Nine men are shown, and they cheer back. Nurse Gollum is now next to Mayor McDaniels at the podium. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | You know, Mayor, I really should be accompanying those kids to Washington in case they get hurt. That is my job. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mayor McDaniels

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [The mic is still on.] Nonsense. This is your week. You aren't going anywhere. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Somewhere near Washington, D.C. The bus is going through a lovely meadow. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | How much further is Washington, D.C.? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mrs. Crabtree

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | SIT DOWN, KID!! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I need to know how far it is, lady! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mrs. Crabtree

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I SAID SIT DOWN!!! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Grumbling.] Yeah, whatever, you old, dried-up, fat hog. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mrs. Crabtree

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | WHAT DID YOU SAY?! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I said, "I've always wanted to visit Prague." |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mrs. Crabtree

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, me too. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Clyde munches away. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [To Kyle.] Okay, what have you got? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Some hadka fish, some gafagga... |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Quickly.] I got a jelly roll! I got a jelly roll! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Kenny pulls out a bone. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Sweet! A jelly roll is perfect! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Stan takes one end of a short bungee cord while Cartman holds the other end. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Places! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Stan gives his end to Kyle and takes the jelly roll. He places the jelly roll in the makeshift slingshot, pulls back, and fires away. All three smile as the roll flies forward. It hits Mrs. Crabtree on the back of her head. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Ms. Crabtree

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | ARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | She loses control of the bus as it careens down the road. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kids

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Whoa! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kenny

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | (Sheesh!) |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | A tourist sees the bus coming his way and tries to get out of the way, but the bus crashes into the Vietnam Memorial's right wall, and the engine bursts into flames. He was thrown to one side. The right wall drops down three feet, taking the front end of the bus with it and raising the back of the bus off the ground five feet. Both front doors fall off. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Ulysses Grant Elementary. Inside, the gym is filled with championship banners going back to 1987 hang from the rafters. Posters line the walls. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Damn, man. This is the big time, alright. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Chef, we're hungry. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | You can eat after the game. You children win this one, and you're National Champions! Then you can go on and play the Chinese. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | My mom says there's a lot of black people in China. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | What? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Referee

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Are you Chef? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Yeah. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Referee

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | The Washington team has forfeited the game. Congratulations, you're national champions. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | What? We did it! Children, we won! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Wow, that was easy. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Announcer

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear a round of applause for the new national champions of dodgeball, the South Park Cows! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Everyone boos as Kyle rushes over to the opposing team. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Hey, why did you guys forfeit? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Player

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | You mean you don't know? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Know what? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Player

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Last year's national champions were the Austin Pirates. They played China for the world championship. Only four of them came back alive. Chinese dodgeball players aren't like us. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | A temple scene comes up. A squad of Chinese kids are exercising as their master gives orders. Some of them are being acrobatic, others throw solid kettle-bells at each other. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Master

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;background-color:#DFD" | Bush langli. Woon taun. Waya ching gia! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Player

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Voice-over.] They do nothing but dodgeball, day in, and day out. They use steroids and advanced training equipment to make them, not kids, but animals. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Eeach kid is handed a bowling ball, which he or she throws against a brick wall. The wall crumbles further with every throw. The scene fades, and the foursome are standing there, awed. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Player

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Well, good luck. We've got our futures to think about. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | He hops off and leaves as Chef comes over. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Okay, children, back in the bus. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | South Park City Hall. Many people are seated at table waiting for the evening's events to unfold. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mayor McDaniels

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | And so, at this honorary dinner we take a look back at our beloved Nurse Gollum and the brave life she has lived. Roll the tape, please, Mr. Garrison. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | He starts up the player. He's in a nice tuxedo. Nurse Gollum is quite embarrassed as she sits with Sharon in the crowd. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, no..! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Singer

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [The video begins.]

You've got the strength, you've got the courage
Even with a dead fetus on your head
You carry on
You fight for tomorrow
Dead fetus or no, you never let go
You're my conjoined-twin-dead-thing-hanging-off-your-head woman

|- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Scenes from the video:

  • She's painting her house orange, and annoyed that Garrison is filming it.
  • She looks out the window, and is annoyed that he is still there, filming.
  • She's in her office.
  • She's at the supermarket, annoyed, she's trying to cover the camera lens so Garrison would stop filming.
  • At the post office, she's trying to shoo him away, she's very angry that he's filming her.
  • She's on the toilet, and she clamps her legs shut, with hands before them for added security. She's outraged.

|- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | There are sobs here and there, a smattering of applause. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Barbrady

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, that was so touching. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mayor McDaniels

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [With envelope in hand.] And now, friends, it's time to present the Lifetime Conjoined Twin Achievement Award. This award goes to outstanding conjoined twins who have made a mark on society. And the winner is... [Reaches into the envelope.] |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Derisively.] Nurse Gollum. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Mayor McDaniels

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Nurse Gollum!! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The room applauds and the spotlight moves from the Mayor to the nurse. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Nurse Gollum

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Oh, boy. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Jimbo

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | [Interrupting.] Excuse me, Mayor, but I just received some news that you might all be interested in. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Jimbo takes the microphone. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Jimbo

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Our South Park Cows have just beaten the Washington dodgeball team, and are on their way to the world championship in China. |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | The crowd erupts in applause, meanwhile somewhere near China. The bus is going down a slope. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Okay, children, now, we're almost to China. I want you all to try and focus on your game. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | But Chef, we don't wanna play the Chinese! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Nonsense! If we win this one, we're world champions. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | But we could get killed! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | And just what price would you pay for eternal glory? |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Stan and Kyle fall silent. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Just imagine: a big yellow "Dodgeball Champions" banner hanging in the cafeteria! Imagine it! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Dude, Chef has lost it. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | You'll be in the news all over the world. South Park will finally have a sport that it's good at. Ohh, children, it'll be glorious! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | So, Captain Ahab has to get his whale, huh? |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Chef looks at him. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Dude, what does that mean? |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I dunno. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Hey, isn't that kid Kevin Chinese? |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Kevin looks back. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kyle

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Yeah, you're from China. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kevin

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | No, I'm from America. My parents are Chinese. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Stan

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Tell us how the Chinese play dodgeball! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Kevin

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | I have no idea, dude. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Cartman

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Come on, rice picker! |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Hey, hey hey! |- | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" | | style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; background-color:#6dc56d; padding-left:5px" | Cartman hides his hands. |-

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; border-right: 1px solid #CCC;" |
Chef

| style="border-bottom: 1px solid #BBB; padding-left:5px;" | Children, that's not cool! You don't make fun of somebody because of their ethnicity. |- !Stan: |You don't? |- !Kyle: |But Chef, you just ripped on Chinese people. |- !Chef: |No, no, no, no, no, that's different. I made fun of them because they are from China. You see, it's not okay to make fun of an American because they're black, brown, or whatever, but it is okay to make fun of foreigners because they are from another country. |- !Stan, Kyle: |Ohhh. |- !Cartman: |[at the same time] Oooh, I get it. |- !Kevin: |[vindicated] Yeah. |- ! | bgcolor="#6dc56d"|[The bus has reached the temple. On the side is a banner that reads: Go Cows!] |- !Mrs. Crabtree: |[slamming on the brakes] AAAGGGGHHHH! |- !Chinese Commentator: |Hiit ita wita great pride, that huwe huwelcome ourn American friend. Now let the [thumps the table, and his partner's mike falls] champion of dodgeball be deshide! [his partner resets the mike, a muscular man bangs away on a kodo drum, and musicians next to him start playing. The crowd cheers, and dancers come up and unfurl streamers] |- !Stan: |Damn, dude. China's fucked up. |- !Referee: |Take places! |- !Chef: |All right, let's go, Cows! Let's show 'em what we've got! |- !Chinese Commentator: |Okay, Tom, rooks rike A-mericans are getting ready to play. I don't suppose they'll have any problems seeing the ball with their big American eyes! [they laugh] |- !Tom: |Yeah. Good thing they have those big eyes so that they don't have to rery on that amazing American interrect. [laughs] |- !Chinese Commentator: |Oh, you say such things. |- !Tom: |That's a zinger! |- !Referee: |Praaayyy braal! [The Chinese serve. The first one out is Clyde, who tumbles all the way to the wall] |- !Chef: |Holy crap..! [Kyle is hit, twice, before he goes down] God damn... |- !Chinese Commentator: |Hey, hey, what do you call white American person with PhD in a physics and-a math? |- !Tom: |Ah, I don't know. What? |- !Chinese Commentator: |Stupid American! [laughs] |- !Tom: |Aw, no way!! [starts laughing] |- ! |[A Chinese player takes aim at Cartman, who turns and runs away squealing. The ball gets him anyway, and he tumbles away] |- !Chinese Commentator: |Oooh, another American is down! It's numbuh-- uuhhh... Oh, I don't know. All American look alike! [they laugh] |- ! |[A Chinese player serves and hits Kenny with such force that the ball picks him up and splatters him against the wall, then bounces up and away. Paint falls away and cracks are left in the wall. Blood pours out quickly. The crowd jumps up and cheers] |- !Stan: |Oh my God, they killed Kenny! |- !Kyle: |[lying on his side and out of breath] You... bastards... |- !Chinese Commentator: |Oooh, my, I haven't seen an American die like that since Abraham Lincoln! [chuckles] |- !Tom: |Dude, that is-a not cool! You're gonna get us into trouble again. |- ! | bgcolor="#6dc56d"|[South Park Town Square. The town is assembled yet again] |- !Mayor McDaniels: |Ladies and gentlemen, on this fourth day of Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week, all our prayers are with our little South Park Cows now playing their hearts out in China. [the town cheers] Now, join me in saluting our Cows and help make Nurse Gollum not feel like an outcast with our first official Conjoined Twin Myslexia hats! [one of her aides passes out the hats as an organ plays. Nurse Gollum just watches] |- ! | bgcolor="#6dc56d"|[China, the Temple. Chef is tending to his injured players. Kyle is hooked up to an IV unit. The other players are bandaged up according to the severity of their injuries] |- !Chinese Commentator: |And there is-a only a one South Park prayer left. [Pip. Kenny is still plastered to the wall] Still all Chinese prayer. This should be over veerry shortly. |- !Chinese kid: |Come on! Throw ball! |- !Tom: |Hey, you wanna hear my impersonation of American? |- !Chinese Commentator: |Yeah, yeah! |- !Tom: |Ah, okay. [puts his hands to his eyelids and opens them wide to simulate American eyes, and talks in a deep voice] Hey, I really, really want that. That looks good. [they have a good laugh] |- !Chinese Commentator: |Hey, hey. Let me try, let me try. [sets up with a deep voice] I'll use my credit card. [they laugh harder, and he resumes] Eh-eh-uh... Do you have any non-dairy creamer? [they laugh] |- !Tom: |Yes yes! [laughs] Y'all come a-back now, you hear? [they laugh so hard they fall from their chairs] |- !Chef: |[crestfallen] Oh, what have I done? [Cartman comes over and sits next to him] You know, Eric, I just realized something. I have been obsessed, and obsession isn't good. [Eric bites into a chocolate bar] If we had won the world championship, what then? [Kevin walks off] It would only be a bigger letdown the next year if we didn't win! Our lives would have to revolve around dodgeball. Our lives were fine before. [Cartman farts and tries to fan it away] Oh, I'm sorry, children. I let it all go to my head. Can you ever forgive me? [the kids are stunned at this sudden reversal of desire] Come on, forget this stupid game. Let's go home. |- !Chinese kid: |Come on! Throw ball! |- !Kevin: |[walking over to player 70] Hey, if you wanna make him throw the ball, say this. [hands him a note to read] |- !Player 70: |Thanks, you American dumb-ass! [reads it] "You French piece of crap! Throw ball! [Pip gets angry] What's the matter, Frenchy? You got crepes in your ears." [the team laughs. Pip gets livid rather quickly] |- !Pip: |Arrggghhh! [starts spinning. The Chinese team watches as Pip picks up speed, and the players gasp. Pip releases the ball and it shoots all over the temple stadium, knocking out players left and right, until all of them are down. Pip slows down, and finally stops] |- !Chinese Commentator: |And the winner is South Park Cows! [musicians play] |- !Pip: |Everyone! Everyone, look! I won the game! We're world champions! Mr. Chef, Mr. Chef. South Park is the world champion in dodgeball. Oh, glorious day! [the South Park team is limping off the court, with Kyle taking his IV unit along] |- !Chef: |Shut up, Pip. |- !Stan: |Yeah, shut up, Pip. [to Chef] Can we go home now? |- !Pip: |Did you all see? I can't believe I threw such a ball with my own arm. It was-- |- !Kids, Chef: |Shut up, Pip! |- ! | bgcolor="#6dc56d"|[South Park Town Square. The Mayor is on stage] |- !Mayor McDaniels: |As this year's Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week draws to a close, I would like to personally thank all of you for your enthusiastic cooperation. [the crowd cheers] Now, let's hear it one more time for our world champion South Park Cows! [the team is standing behind a low wall with a trophy at one end, next to Chef] |- !Kyle: |[now dressed normally, but still bandaged] What the hell is everyone wearing on their heads? |- !Mayor McDaniels: |And now, let's hear from the woman of the week! The incredible, courageous Nurse Gollum! |- !Kyle: |Agghh! |- !Stan: |Dude, it's the freak nurse! |- !Cartman: |Holy crap! |- !Sheila: |Dammit, Kyle! We've been working all week against that kind of behavior! |- !Kyle: |Well sorry, dude, we weren't here. |- !Nurse Gollum: |Thank you, Mayor. I uhhh, wa-I... I don't know what to say; this has been quite a week. |- !Sheila: |[wiping away a tear] She's really touched. |- !Nurse Gollum: |What I really wanna say is... well, -egh-- This may sound odd coming from a woman with a fetus sticking out of her head, but... you're all a bunch of freaks! [the crowd is stunned] |- !Mayor McDaniels: |[taking the mike] Uhhh, freaks with big hearts! And now-- |- !Nurse Gollum: |Don't you realize that the last thing I ever wanted was to be singled out? [Sheila and the priest look betrayed] I just wanted to do my job and live my life like any normal person, but instead you've made everybody focus on my handicap all week long. [the look is spreading] Look, I don't want to be treated different. I don't want to be treated special orh-or treated gingerly. I just want to be ridiculed, shouted at, and made fun of like all the rest of you do to each other. [people are listening] And take those stupid things off your heads! [she turns and walks off the stage] |- !Principal Victoria: |Oh, my, what an ungrateful bitch. |- !Sheila: |Yeah, the nerve of some people. |- !Kyle: |Hey, you know, that nurse is actually pretty cool. |- !Stan: |Yeah, maybe that dead fetus makes her smarter. |- !Cartman: |I love you guys. [Stan and Kyle merely look at him and say nothing] Ah, screw you guys(!) |- ! | bgcolor="#6dc56d"|[End of Conjoined Fetus Lady.] |}



  205: "Conjoined Fetus Lady" edit
Story Elements

Nurse Gollum • "Dodgeball Song" • "Conjoined Twin Song" • Ms. Herman

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete Second Season

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