- Charles Grodin: The Charles Grodin Show, CNBC.
- James Lipton: Inside The Actors Studio, Bravo Cable Network.
- Various NBC News Commentators: InterNight, MSNBC
- Larry King: Larry King Live, CNN.
- Bill Maher: Politically Incorrect, Comedy Central.
Throughout the presentation, the boys complain about the cheapness of the ACE awards during the previous non-televised night, by saying it was general admission, they had to pack their own dinners, and the prize for winning best animation series was a 5 Dollar gift certificate to Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles . Kenny reads the winning nominee in a muffled voice which was translated by Stan as Inside The Actors Studio Bravo Cable Network. They all clap at the end and nothing bad happens to Kenny.
- This was the last year of the Cable Ace Awards.
- Stan Marsh
- Kyle Broflovski
- Eric Cartman
- Kenny McCormick
|Cable ACE Awards 1997|
|A stage. Sela Ward is speaking|
| ||Here are Stan, Kyle, Cartman [cheers and applause rise up from the audience] and the most eloquent of them all, Kenny. [looks off to her left. Cut to a construction-paper stage. Wearing solid black bowties, Stan and Cartman enter from screen left, Kyle and Kenny from screen right. They line up abreast behind a little podium]|
| ||Whoa, dude! Sela Ward is hot!|
| ||(Yeah, I'd pinch her to get in trouble) [the others laugh]|
| ||Yeah. I would, too.|
| ||Tonight, we are here to present the award for Best Talk Show Series.|
| ||Ey! Wait a minute!|
| ||This doesn't look anything like last night's Cable Ace Awards! Everything's all fancy!|
| ||That's because we were on last night, Cartman, when they did the non-televised awards for little, unimportant shows like ours.|
| ||What do you mean?! Why were we on last night?!|
| ||Dude, it was the same as tonight, except that we had general-admission seating, and had to pack our own dinners.|
| ||Yeah. And instead of an actual award, people received a $5 gift certificate at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles.|
| ||That sucks! Who's in charge here?!|
| ||Anyway, the nominees for Best Talk Show series are-|
| ||NO! Everybody, just...hold on a minute!|
| ||Will you shut your fat mouth for five seconds, Cartman, so we can do this?!|
| ||No way!|
| ||Shut up, Cartman!|
| ||Anyway, the Best Talk Show nominees are?|
| ||[displays a picture of the first nominee] Charles Grodin, CNBC.|
| ||[displays a picture of the second nominee] Inside the Actors Studio, Bravo Cable Network.|
| ||[displays a horizontal picture of the third nominee] Internight, MSNBC.|
| ||[displays a picture of the fourth nominee] Larry King Live, CNN.|
| ||[displays a picture of the fifth nominee] And Politically Incorrect With Bill Maher, on Comedy-ee Cen-tral.|
| ||And the winner is?|
| ||Now, remember: there are no losers at the Cable Ace Awards, only people who are less likely to have another season.|
| ||Yeah. [the audience laughs] And the winner is?|
| ||[opens an envelope] (Inside the Actors Studio, Bravo Cable Network.)|
| ||Oohhhh, huh, [he and Kyle start clapping] heh-heh-heh-hehh. [Cartman starts clapping]|
| ||Yes. Very nice, very nice.|
| ||[steps forward] Oh. He said the winner is Inside the Actors Studio, Bravo Cable Network.|
|End of Cable ACE Awards 1997|