The 19th Annual Cable ACE Awards 1997 was a South Park short created for the CableACE Awards of 1997.
- Charles Grodin: The Charles Grodin Show, CNBC.
- James Lipton: Inside The Actors Studio, Bravo Cable Network.
- Various NBC News Commentators: InterNight, MSNBC
- Larry King: Larry King Live, CNN.
- Bill Maher: Politically Incorrect, Comedy Central.
Throughout the presentation, the boys complain about the cheapness of the ACE awards during the previous non-televised night, by saying it was general admission, they had to pack their own dinners, and the prize for winning best animation series was a 5 Dollar gift certificate to Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles. Kenny reads the winning nominee in a muffled voice which was translated by Stan as Inside The Actors Studio Bravo Cable Network. They all clap at the end and nothing bad happens to Kenny.
- This was the final edition of the Cable Ace Awards.
- Stan Marsh
- Kyle Broflovski
- Eric Cartman
- Kenny McCormick
|Cable ACE Awards 1997|
|A stage. Sela Ward is speaking|
|Here are Stan, Kyle, Cartman [cheers and applause rise up from the audience] and the most eloquent of them all, Kenny. [looks off to her left. Cut to a construction-paper stage. Wearing solid black bowties, Stan and Cartman enter from screen left, Kyle and Kenny from screen right. They line up abreast behind a little podium]|
|Whoa, dude! Sela Ward is hot!|
|(Yeah, I'd pinch her to get in trouble) [the others laugh]|
|Yeah. I would, too.|
|Tonight, we are here to present the award for Best Talk Show Series.|
|Ey! Wait a minute!|
|This doesn't look anything like last night's Cable Ace Awards! Everything's all fancy!|
|That's because we were on last night, Cartman, when they did the non-televised awards for little, unimportant shows like ours.|
|What do you mean?! Why were we on last night?!|
|Dude, it was the same as tonight, except that we had general-admission seating, and had to pack our own dinners.|
|Yeah. And instead of an actual award, people received a $5 gift certificate at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles.|
|That sucks! Who's in charge here?!|
|Anyway, the nominees for Best Talk Show series are-|
|NO! Everybody, just...hold on a minute!|
|Will you shut your fat mouth for five seconds, Cartman, so we can do this?!|
|Shut up, Cartman!|
|Anyway, the Best Talk Show nominees are?|
|[displays a picture of the first nominee] Charles Grodin, CNBC.|
|[displays a picture of the second nominee] Inside the Actors Studio, Bravo Cable Network.|
|[displays a horizontal picture of the third nominee] Internight, MSNBC.|
|[displays a picture of the fourth nominee] Larry King Live, CNN.|
|[displays a picture of the fifth nominee] And Politically Incorrect With Bill Maher, on Comedy-ee Cen-tral.|
|And the winner is?|
|Now, remember: there are no losers at the Cable Ace Awards, only people who are less likely to have another season.|
|Yeah. [the audience laughs] And the winner is?|
|[opens an envelope] (Inside the Actors Studio, Bravo Cable Network.)|
|Oohhhh, huh, [he and Kyle start clapping] heh-heh-heh-hehh. [Cartman starts clapping]|
|Yes. Very nice, very nice.|
|[steps forward] Oh. He said the winner is Inside the Actors Studio, Bravo Cable Network.|
|End of Cable ACE Awards 1997|