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"Season Finale/Script" | "Board Girls/Script" | - | 
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Cast
- Cartman
- Butters
- Stan
- Kyle
- Clyde
- Scott
- Nichole
- Tammy
- Kelly
- PC Principal (Pete, Peter Charles), Strong Woman, Emory, and a PC Boy
- Mr. Mackey
- Heather Swanson (Blade Jaggart)
- Anderson Cooper
- David Perry
- MMA Host
- Janet Spears
Script
| Board Girls | |
| This episosde starts with the PC Babies Theme Song
PC Babies, they're cooing to your town! | |
| Now back to PC Babies. | |
| Waaa! [giggles] | |
| The Principal House, basement, day. Strong Woman is using a heavy Everblast punching bag with PC Principal holding it in place. | |
| Yes! Who's strong? | |
| I'm strong! | |
| Who's Strong Woman? | |
| I'm a Strong Woman! [the switch to dumbbells] | |
| You're gonna smoke the competition! | |
| I'm gonna smoke the competition! [the babies begin to cry] Oh no. It's the babies. | |
| The living room, moments later. PC Principal and Strong Woman reach the living room and find the kids upset. Two of the kids sit on the sofa, the other three on the floor. | |
| Kids, kids. Okay, what the matter? | |
| Oh, no! I left Disney+ on and it went to Mulan. | |
| They don't like Mulan? | |
| No, because Mulan is a female that identifies as male and yet the movie doesn't take the time to address real trans issues. | |
| Okay, okay, we know! [takes the remote and turns the TV off] Mulan is outdated in creating straw dog characters to talk about trans issues! Daddy's turning it off! [switches to another channel] | |
| -But just how many advocates have yet to be seen? [the kids sit up and smile.] | |
| South Park Elementary Gym, day. PC Principal holds another assembly. Mr. Mackey, Strong Woman, and Mr. Adler sit far behind him | |
| Alright everybody, listen up! As you know, this school is a place where everyone should feel included. Our challenge is to motivate ourselves and others to create an inviting, non-negative and HEY STOTCH, YOU GOT A FUCKING PROBLEM PROBLEM?! [Butters is caught whispering something to Scott] | |
| [quickly sits correctly] No sir! | |
| Now I think that what we all need are leaders who motivate by example, and so I would like to inform you all that your vice-principal [points to Strong Woman; she's somewhat surprised] is competing in the Strong Woman Competition in Morrison this weekend. Let's hear it for her. [the kids applaud as she takes the mic] | |
| Well, thank you PC Principal. Um, listen, guys. I just hope I can make you proud, and more importantly, I hope you can see that no matter who you are, you can do anything. We've really come a long way breaking down gender-binary bigotry, and I hope I can especially inspire some of my girl students here. | |
| Or those who identify as girls. | |
| Yes, or those who identify as girls. Get out there and get iinvolved in school sports and clubs. If there's something you love, don't ever let anything hold you back. | |
| Five boys are in the room: Clyde, Butters, Cartman, Scott, and Stan. They're playing Dungeons and Dragons | |
| The first bugbear lashes out at Stan with its broadsword. [rolls the dice] And it hits with a 17. | |
| How much damage is that? | |
| 4 + 2 slashing | |
| Okay. I jump up to the bugbear! And I yell "FOR WATARDEEP!" and I kick it in the balls! | |
| I don't think bugbears have balls. | |
| Then how do they make baby bugbears? [the door opens and Mr. Mackey brings in two girls] | |
| Oh hi, boys. Uh we got some new students who want to be part of the gaming club. You know Tammy and Nichole. | |
| Ah huh, ah, heh heh neh no. | |
| This is a school club, boys. All clubs are inclusive. Have fun, girls. [the girls take their seats in the two remaining chairs and bring out their pieces.] | |
| Hey guys. [the other boys look at Cartman, who raises an eyebrow] | |
| [whispers] What the duck do we do? | |
| Um, guys, we play lots of games here at Dice Studz, but today [puts hishand on the cardboard sheet] we're plaing D&D. You don't just show up and start playing, you have to generate characters and- | |
| Yeah, we created some this morning. I'm a human paladin and Nichle is a Tiefling warlock. [another long silence] | |
| [whhispers] Do something, Eric! | |
| Eheh, ha, guys, um, they're fighting a bunch of bugbears now that are led by a 12th level druid... | |
| Okay, I cast Vampiric Touch on the druid. [rolls her dice] Crit. [the boys look at Cartman] | |
| The 6th Annual StrongWoman Competition | |
| A beautiful morning in Morrison, Colorado as we get ready for the The 6th Annual StrongWoman Competition, a two-day long competition of tests built to push athletes to their very limits. [crowd reactions are shown. Lots of clapping and cheers] Joining me now is the current champion of the StrongWoman Competition, Strong Woman. [edges up to her] Ms. Woman, do you feel ready? | |
| Oh yeah. I'm ready, David. There are just so many amazing women athletes out here today it makes me so proud. | |
| Now, this is the first year that a trans woman is in the competition . How do you feel about that? | |
| Amazing. I feel honored to be a part of history. I have a lot of incredible trans friends who are athletes, and so we're all inspired this woman is competing. | |
| Uh huh, and uh have you ever actually met Heather Swanson? | |
| Uh, no, I've never competed against her before, no. | |
| She's not exactly your average trans athlete. | |
| Well, what is an "average trans athlete"? Honestly, I find that kind of bigoted, David. | |
| Okay, Heather Swanson is actually joining us now. Ms. Swanson, how does it feel to be competing today? [Strong Woman looks up at Heather with awe] | |
| [joins the duo on camera] I can't tell you how free I feel now that I've started identifying as a woman. [adjusts her glasses] Now that I can compete as female, I'm ready to smash the other girls. | |
| And is it correct you just started identifying as female two weeks ago? | |
| I'm not here to talk about my transition! I'm here to kick some fuckin' ass! Let me tell you something, dingleberry! | |
| David Perry! | |
| I'm gonna roll up the other women here, and I'm gonna smoke 'em! I am the strongest woman this state has ever seen! [starts posing] | |
| Any words for the challenger, Ms. Woman? | |
| Uh, good luck, Heather. | |
| Huh huh, luck is for dudes. [walks off] | |
| Well, with that let's get right to the action. | |
| End of Board Girls | |
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| Story Elements |
Eric Cartman • PC Principal • Strong Woman • Heather Swanson | ||||
| Media |
Images • Script • Extras • Watch Episode | ||||
| Release | |||||