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"Mosquito in a Honey Pot/Script" | "A Touch of Faith/Script" | "The Talk/Script" | 
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Cast[]
- Father Maxi
- The Coon
- Pedophile Priests
- Father McManus
- Father Hansley
- Visitors
- Towelie
Note: Respective script dialogues for Towelie are only triggered when the player has the in-game assistant enabled.
Script[]
| A Touch of Faith | |
| The New Kid enters the South Park Church and meets Father Maxi | |
| Hello, New Child! I haven't seen you before, But you've come at a crucial time. South Park is sliding into moreal decline! Someone's stealing our cats! They're TPing houses! [pauses, as the New Kid stares at him] OK, maybe it's not full-on Armageddon yet, but we do need a hero. Not to make the hard sell, but... do you see yourself as a good person? Well I can understand the confusion, But there comes a time when we need to choose our path. Will you find Jesus and take the righteous path? Or maybe you'll walk the middle way? Let's not talk about the third alternative - I hoping you're part of the solution, not the problem. [walks over to a door on the left side of church and opens it] Take the first step, my child, by entering this meditative chamber which will allow you to confront your deepest fears... Face your fears, my child, face you fears! | |
| The New Kid enters the room, with Father Maxi closing it on you. A voice is heard in the background | |
| Your dad fucked your mom... You afraid of the dark? Snakes? The color blue? | |
| Just then, a Visitor passes through, from the left of the screen | |
| Mooo! | |
| Now comes a priest, who approaches the New Kid | |
| Oh hey, I am in your imagination, just a friendly Catholic priest who would like to get to know you a little better. | |
| Another priest approaches the New Kid | |
| Yeah, that's right, I'm totally in your imagination too, about to give you a shoulder rub. Ever imagine you'd feel something like this? [proceeds with his shoulder rub on the New Kid] | |
| Let me adjust the lighting in here a bit so we can get some visuals with that... | |
| Start of combat against the pedophile priests | |
| Oh, I guess this one likes it rough. | |
| No complaints here! | |
| If the New Kid stalls for a while | |
| If someone doesn't do something quick I'm gonna start tickling kids! | |
| When Father McManus is attacked | |
| Spank me! | |
| Oh my! | |
| Oh I guess you wanna do it the hard way. | |
| We were hoping you'd welcome this chance to atone... | |
| Last chance for that back rub! No? Crap! | |
| When Father Hansley is attacked | |
| Oh, I like that! | |
| Oh my! | |
| When Father McManus is preparing his attack, he pulls out a set of anal beads | |
| God's grace is... totally filling me. | |
| I've got God's love here, who am I gonna give it to? | |
| Who wants to hold hands and sing Kumbaya with me? | |
| All of God's children are deserving of his love, so just hold still... | |
| When Father McManus executes his attack | |
| Come out, come out wherever you are! | |
| Don't be shy, there's no reason to hide... | |
| Open yourself to God's love! | |
| Here, little kiddie! Come out and play! | |
| Don't you want to go to heaven with me? | |
| When Father Hansley is preparing his attack | |
| Just... let me get warmed up. | |
| Almost ready to cover you in God's love! | |
| Oh yeah! He is risen all right! | |
| When Father Hansley executes his attack | |
| Bless you child, for I have sinned! | |
| Here comes the hands of God! | |
| When Father Hansley executes his attack, but with the New Kid out of the danger zone | |
| Hide and seek, huh? Do I get a kiss if I find you? | |
| Quit playing hard to get! | |
| You're such a cassock tease! | |
| What the devil? Vanished into thin air! | |
| Where's that kid disappear to? | |
| I'm full of God's grace and nowhere to put it. | |
| Whoa, that priest likes kids a whole lot. You don't wanna get caught in his hug! You might really need a towel then. | |
| When the New Kid has defeated the priests, Father Maxi will open the door. As Maxi turns on the lights, he is shocked to find the two priests on the ground | |
| God dammit! I can't put a child in a dark room for two minutes without you bastards showing up! [shoves the priests out of the room] You're definitely going to hell. Now get out of here! | |
| That's not what the Queen Spider says. | |
| I'll go say ten Male Hairies! | |
| Both priests have left | |
| Well, gosh, I feel just awful about all that. Tell you what, a rabbi friend gave me this macaroni picture. [hands over a picture of the Star of David crafted with macaroni] In times of trouble and tribulation, use it to call upon the prophet Moses. Good luck on your spiritual journey, my child. | |
| Summon unlocked: Moses, All-Powerful Healer | |
| End of A Touch of Faith | |