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台本


South Park: The Streaming Wars "South Park: The Streaming Wars/台本" "South Park: The Streaming Wars Part 2/台本" "South Park: Joining the Panderverse/台本" South Park: Joining the Panderverse

キャスト[]

画像/名前
Chuck Chuck
チャックチャック
PigBearGirl
ピッグベアガール
Naomi Osaka
大阪なおみ
Eric-cartman
エリック・カートマン
Kyle-broflovski
カイル・ブロフロフスキー
Gwyneth Paltrow
グウィネス・パルトロー
Shelly
シェリー・マーシュ
Sharon Marsh
シャロン・マーシュ
Stan-marsh-0
スタン・マーシュ
Mr.Black
スティーヴ・ブラック
Stephen-stotch
スティーブン・ストッチ
Token Black2
トールキン・ブラック
Harris Yates
ハリソン・イェーツ
ButtersStotch
バターズ・ストッチ
Newspeople-bill-keegan
ビル・キーガン
PeterNelson.transparent
ピーター・ネルソン
Pipi
ピーピー
Pi-Pi's Lifeguards
ピーピーの小便ワールドの監視員たち
Pi-Pi's Security Guards
ピーピーの小便ワールドの警備員たち
Penney Azcarate
ペニー・S・アズカラテ
Matt Damon
マット・デイモン
ManBearPigTransparentGorey
マンベアピッグ
Larry David
ラリー・デヴィッド
Farmer-randy
ランディ・マーシュ
Reese Witherspoon
リース・ウィザースプーン
Liane Cartman0
リアン・カートマン
Linda-black
リンダ・ブラック

台本[]

South Park: The Streaming Wars Part 2
PCC
MTVのロゴが登場後、法廷で着席をするスタンの姿が映る。
弁護士
Please state your name for the record.
スタン
Stan Marsh.
弁護士
And, uh, Mr. Marsh, you were involved in the streaming wars, is that correct?
スタン
We made stuff for streaming services, yes.
弁護士
And how do you know the defendant in this case? [リアンを指し示す]
スタン
She's the mother of my f– acquaintance.
リアン
When you made your deals for streaming services, you sort of leveraged them against each other, didn't you?
トールキン
That is correct.
弁護士
And now the streaming bubble has burst and your own father is in hiding, isn't that correct?
トールキン
My dad is missing, that is correct.
弁護士
What exactly was your job in making these little popsicle stick boats for streaming services?
バターズ
Um, my job was to eat the popsicles.
弁護士
And the people who paid you didn't care what you made?
バターズ
Well, if you look at it, only about a fourth of what's on most streaming services is really worth a shit, so– Oh, sorry.
弁護士
Do you know what an exclusive deal is?
カイル
[いら立ちながら] Yes, I know what an exclusive deal is.
弁護士
So, if you make an exclusive deal with a streaming service, you can't make an exclusive deal with another streaming service, can you?
カイル
It's not our fault the streaming wars happened!
弁護士
So, then why not just give back the money?
カイル
We can't!
弁護士
Why not?!
カイル
'Cause the money is all in Cartman's fucking tits! [カートマンがカメラが近づくと、傍聴者らが息をのむ]
カートマン
[母親に近づいて] Ms. Cartman, you and your son live in a hot dog, is that correct?
リアン
Yes, Eric, you know that's correct.
カートマン
And your son wanted you to get fake tits so that the rich guy across the street would let you live with him, but you refused, is that right?
リアン
That's right.
カートマン
So when I said, "If you don't get fake tits I will," you just told me to go ahead.
リアン
Yes, because I'm sick of you doing extreme things to get your way.
カートマン
So you refused even though tons of women get fake breasts all the time. Your honor, I'd like to introduce Exhibit D– tons of women with fake tits. [カメラが豊胸術を受けた女性たちを映す]
昼、屋外。ニュースリポーターのビル・キーガン、裁判の様子を報道する。
リポーター
Tom, I'm standing outside the courthouse where the judge had just thrown out the Cartman v. Cartman case. The judge said, quote, "You're all a bunch of shitheads. Get out of my courtroom." Just proof once again, Tom, that streaming services have made everything suck.
悲しげな音楽とともに、干ばつに陥ったサウスパーク町と「警告:深刻な干ばつ発生中(WARNING: SEVERE DROUGHT)」と書かれた看板が映る。リアン、車の助手席にカートマンを乗せて帰宅する。
カートマン
'Kay, Mom, well, I hope you learned your lesson. So, maybe now, will you get fake tits so I can get these stupid things out?
リアン
No, Eric! No!
カートマン
Can I get a Frosty? [返答なし]
前編と類似のオープニング映像が流れる。オープニングの終了後、公園のベンチに横たわるランディ・マーシュの姿が映る。
名前不詳の男性1
Oh, shit, it's Karen!
ランディ
What? [周囲がざわつく]
名前不詳の女性1
Come on. Go, kids, go.
ランディ
What… what happened?
名前不詳の男性2
Wow, it's the real thing.
名前不詳の女性1
We gotta go!
名前不詳の男性3
[警察隊登場] There! You see? Karen is right there!
イェーツ
Okay, okay, everyone back– just stay back! [拡声器を取り出して] All right, Karen. We don't want any trouble.
ランディ
Huh?
イェーツ
It doesn't have to be like this, Karen. Let us get you some help.
ランディ
Can– can someone please tell me what's going on? Is there, like, a manager I can speak to somewh… [首に麻酔銃を撃ち込まれて、言葉を失う]
警察官
Karen's clear!
イェーツ
Move in!
病院で目を覚ましたランディ、手錠でベッドに拘束されていると気付く。
イェーツ
Just relax. I need to know what you remember, Karen.
ランディ
I started a streaming service… to compete with the weed farm across the street. And some guy died.
イェーツ
That's right. Do you know where the owner of Credigree Weed is now?
ランディ
No.
イェーツ
The streaming wars got out of hand. Your rival here somehow got ManBearPig to work for him and murder the competition. You… went down to the Colorado State Water Commission's office. You asked to speak with the manager. And then you went full nuclear Karen.
ランディ
Full nuclear Karen?
イェーツ
[プロジェクターに体を向け、映像を再生して] You went ballistic on everybody.
ランディ
[ビデオ映像] Call the cops, goddamn it, if you don't like me over here. Fucking call 'em!
名前不詳の男性4
Okay. Karen.
ランディ
Motherfucker! [食料販売店が映る] Go back to Mexico!
名前不詳の女性2
Listen. I said– I said excuse me.
ランディ
Go. Go back wherever you're from!
イェーツ
You traveled all over the state and demanded to see everyone's managers.
ランディ
Oh, God…
イェーツ
Outside the State office in Denver, you caused a 20-car pileup. Five people were severely injured. And then you attacked the airport. And then the same thing happened in Madrid. In Bangladesh… And in the mountains of Tibet. And I'm sorry Karen, but… I'm afraid all of this has become the most watched videos on YouTube.
ランディ
No.
Tegridy Farms Clean
テグリディ・ファーム。干ばつにより農作物が枯れてしぼんでいる。ランディ、イェーツに車で自宅まで送迎される。シャロン、ランディのために玄関の扉を開けるも、目を合わせることは拒否する。

Coney Island Hotdog
コニーアイランド・ホットドッグ。カートマン、空き家となった元カスラー宅を窓から眺める。敷地内にトールキンの姿を認めたカートマン、屋外へと出て彼と対面する。

カートマン
Tolkien… What are you doing here?
トールキン
I'm looking for something, all right?
カートマン
Looking for what?
トールキン
Anything. I don't know! People are saying that my dad caused all this. That he's hiding because he knows he's guilty. I know that's not true.
カートマン
What does that have to do with the rich guy who lived here moving away?
トールキン
The guy who lived here didn't move away. He was killed.
カートマン
What?
トールキン
I know that my dad wouldn't just run and hide! What if he needs me right now?
カートマン
Tolkien, I wanted the guy who lived here to be my dad. Who would have killed him? [元ホットドッグ店である自宅と、玄関先に立つリアンを見る]
Stotch-house
バターズの自宅。両親、テーブルに着席してバターズをにらみつける。
バターズ
Okay, I'm done.
スティーブン
Okay, then put your plate in the sink and march right on upstairs! Maybe the next time you decide to pit streaming services against each other and cause a drought, you'll think twice. [階段を上り、自室へと戻るバターズのあとを追って] I want no playing, no reading, and no thinking about fun stuff. You are being grounded. [寝室のドアを勢いよく閉じる]
バターズ
It's not my fault streaming services paid people more than was sustainable for any business model.
カートマン
Butters. [バターズ、仰天 ] Shh! Butters, stop.
バターズ
Eric! You can't be in here, I'm grounded.
カートマン
We've been set up, Butters.
バターズ
What?
カートマン
The whole streaming wars! The whole thing was a lie!
バターズ
Eric, is that a real gun?
カートマン
Fuck yes, it's a real gun. Butters, listen to me. Someone bought up all the water and murdered anyone who got in their way.
バターズ
No…
カートマン
Yes, Butters. Someone worked with the Colorado water commissioner and cheated the system. The same person who is now using climate change to make a profit!
バターズ
Who?
カートマン
It didn't make sense to me. Why my mom was being so stubborn. Why wouldn't she do what I asked. But then I saw Tolkien across the street and I figured it out… Tolkien is fucking my mom.
バターズ
Tolkien!?
カートマン
I wanted my mom to get fake tits so she could marry the rich guy across the street. Now that guy is dead and my mom is acting strange. The only explanation is that she's fucking Tolkien and they don't want me to know!
バターズ
But, Eric, Tolkien was making those boats with us, he…
カートマン
Butters, Butters. My eyes are up here. Stop staring at my tits.
バターズ
Oh, sorry.
カートマン
There's a bad guy out there getting away with murder, Butters. And we have to catch him.
ColoradoStateCapitol
昼、コロラド州会議事堂。ピーピーが事業計画を発表している。
ピーピー
Good people of Denver. We are living through a horrible time. This drought, it affect everybody. It affect me. My waterpark. But I have a plan to not only reopen my waterpark, but also help all of Colorado with their water supply problem. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to show you my deck. [議員がうなり声を上げる] This is a business proposal deck for the Pipi streaming service! [議員ら、安心した様子を見せる] In just a few days I will reopen my waterpark, which will now run on 100% pee! And then we can collect half of the pee every day and send it out to the people of Denver and all over Colorado for their daily use.
議員
I'm sorry, Mr. Pi-Pi, but I really don't think we'll be able to get people to invest in your streaming service.
ピーピー
No, no, no, it's okay! Because I got the biggest celebrities who made a commerci for crypto to make commerci for me!
テレビジョン・コマーシャル。マット・デイモン、荒廃した土地の中央に立っている。
マット・デイモン
We are living in a severe drought. There simply isn't a choice anymore. We have to find alternate sources for water. Hi, I'm Matt Damon. You've heard me talk about the wonders of cryptocurrency, and now there's a company who can give us that new source. Pi-Pi water. Pee can be used for almost anything. We can water our lawns with it. We can also use urine for our shower water. Fortune favors the brave. And a brave person knows that pasta cooked in pee water tastes just fine. [口に入れようとしたが、吐き気を催して中断する] Okay, hold on. Fortune favors the brave. [食べる] Did you know frozen pee can make for a delicious summer treat? [もう1度食べようとする] Fortune favors the brave. [ファーストフード店に画面が切り替わる] And pee water actually pairs really well with an Impossible Burger.
ナレーター
Matt Damon is in! Are u-rine?
女性アナウンサー
Go pee! With Pi-Pi+!
Tegridy Farms Clean
ランディの自室。スタン、入室する。
スタン
Dad? [悲しげな表情でマット・デイモンのテレビジョン・コマーシャルを見る父親に近づいて] You okay?
ランディ
What have I become, Stan? How did I just sit by and let the world sink to this? [見下ろした先の動画には、小便を使って歯磨きをしようとするマット・デイモンが映っている] I used to be a scientist. Do you remember that? I was the one who warned the town about a volcano. I warned them about the day after tomorrow. And then… It all became about weed. When did that happen, Stan?
スタン
I guess we all just got greedy, Dad.
ランディ
I wanted to be a scientist because scientists solve problems. Do you even know what kind of a geologist I was, Stan?
スタン
No.
ランディ
I was a "fluvial geomorphologist". Someone who studies the changes in streams and rivers. And when the town needed me most… I was just out b******* because all I cared about was getting high and rich. I can't even remember the old me.
音楽が流れる。ランディ、自身の曲を背景に、かつて地質学者だった当時の自分に戻る。
ランディ


There was a boy I used to know
With dreams as big as the fire in his heart
He grew to be a man of such good will
Always so patient, always so smart
He had so much but he threw it away
Somewhere along he got off track
But today he's making the change for good
And now that man is coming back
Oh, we missed you, Randy
Where have you been?
It seems such a long time
Since we've seen our old friend
Everyone needs you, Randy
Where did you go?
It's like you just became a one-note overwrought part of the show
Here I am trying to make it right
Gonna take my life back with my baby tonight
Oh, we missed you, Randy (We missed you, Randy)
Where have you been?
(I've been acting like a fool)
It seems such a long time
Since we've seen you, old friend
We've all been waiting for this day to come
We're all so happy about the things you've done
'Cause you're going back to Randy (I'm going back to Randy)
We missed you, Randy (I missed me, Randy)
It's so good to have you back now
Our dear friend
We missed you Randy
Our dear friend (I'm Randy)

Credigree Weed
トールキンの自宅前。バターズとカートマン、双眼鏡でトールキンを観察する。
カートマン
Alright, I've got eyes on him. Looks like he's in the basement bathroom.
バターズ
I didn't even know Tolkien had a basement bathroom.
カートマン
Yeah, neither did I. Sneaky bastard. Seems like he's looking for something. Oh, nope, he's turning back around. He's pulling down his pants. Oh, I think he's gonna take a shit. Mark down, "8:35, started taking shit." [停止]
トールキン
[カートマンとバターズを見ながら] What the fuck are you doing?
カートマン
Oh, shit. Go, go, go. [バターズとともに走り去る]
トールキン
[屋外へと出て] Hello?! Where are– Eric, I can see you!
カートマン
[木の背後に身を隠すが、巨大な乳房が木の陰から飛び出ている] There's no way he can see us. Just stay still.
トールキン
I see you behind the fucking tree!
カートマン
Don't come another step closer or I shoot Butters!
バターズ
What?!
カートマン
Let's go. Move. Move! [バターズを拘束したまま足を踏み出して] Do you wanna tell me what's going on, Tolkien?
トールキン
I have no idea!
カートマン
Sure! We're all supposed to believe that streaming services were all our fault. I remember that day at school, Tolkien. You were the one who said I should build the boats.
トールキン
Because I felt bad for you!
カートマン
You felt bad for me? Or maybe is it that you wanted the drought to– Butters, will you please stop staring at my tits.
バターズ
I'm sorry.
カートマン
We've been doing research, Tolkien. Somebody manipulated the system. All the water rights, water laws, there's a big chain of corruption and the whole thing stinks like your wiener after fucking my mom.
トールキン
Eric, I swear I have no clue what you're talking about.
カートマン
Then read it. [書類をトールキンに向かって投げる] Read about how none of the streaming services had a chance of lasting but paid out thousands of dollars anyway. Read about how the water commissioner of Colorado knew about it the entire time!
トールキン
Eric, where did you get this?
カートマン
Tolkien, my eyes are up here, please stop staring at my titties.
トールキン
I am staring you dead in the eye. Where did you get this?
ピーピー・プラスのコマーシャル。マット・デイモンではなく今度はグウィネス・パルトローが映る。
グウィネス・パルトロー
Hi, I'm Gwyneth Paltrow. I got women everywhere excited about investing in crypto. And now there's something even better to invest in. [画面の左側から小便が放射される] Uh… uh… um… Fortune favors the brave. Fortune favors the brave. [ティーカップに注がれた尿をすするが、嘔吐おうとする]
ナレーター
Gwyneth Paltrow is in! Are u-rine?
女性アナウンサー
Go pee! With Pi-Pi+
ColoradoStateCapitol
昼、コロラド州会議事堂。議員が演説を行う。
議員
My fellow Coloradans, today we will try to put an end to the drought that has crippled our state. It is my pleasure to announce that the city of Denver will be investing heavily in the Pi-Pi streaming service. And we encourage you all to "go pee". [聴衆、小さく覇気のない拍手を送る]
ピーピー
Oh, thank you! Thank you, Denver! It is a my honor to give you all of the pee that I can. And so, as of today, we are all going to live in…
ランディ
[遠くから] Wait! Hold on! [走り寄り] Excuse me! Please, I have to get to the front! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone, please. Please, I have an announcement. Everyone, my name is Dr. Randy Marsh, and I am… a scientist! [聴衆からの反応はなく、マイクがきしる音のみが響く] The damage that has been done to our fresh water due to the streaming wars is irreversible, yes. But I believe I have a plan. And if you don't mind, I'd like to show my deck to each and every one of you.
聴衆の1人
Whip it out, bro!
ランディ
[資料をプロジェクターの画面に映して] The answer… is an ocean water desalinization plant. When all of you hear about droughts in our country, don't you ever think, "Wait, the Earth is 75% water. What the fuck, how can we not have enough water, right?" The only thing stopping us from not being able to use seawater for our daily use is the salt. I have a plan to pipe the water from the oceans up to the Continental Divide. From there, we separate the salt from the water, giving our entire country enough clean water forever. And we ship the salt off to Arby's and KFC where it belongs. [聴衆、盛り上がる]
議員
Dr. Marsh, you have all the funding you need. Randy Marsh has the better deck! [さらに盛り上がる聴衆を見て、ピーピー、ランディをにらみつける]
Pi-Pi's Urineworld
ピーピーの小便ワールド。ピーピー、社員らと会議を開く。
ピーピー
Ever since I can remember, I've wanted two things. My own waterpark and to only have to pay for one streaming service. And what I didn't know was that my own employees would try to fuck me! And fucking ruin my life! Who the fuck is this guy talking about a desalinization plant?! How did we miss him?!
警備員
He's just some scientist, h-he came out of nowhere.
ピーピー
I asked you to take care of anybody who might get in my way!
監視員
I just wanna be a lifeguard.
ピーピー
"I just wanna be a lifeguard." You just wanna fuck Pi-Pi! You're all a bunch of stinky poopy babies! All of you! You little p**** b******! [マンベアピッグ、ピーピーに向かってうなる] Oh, you don't like that, huh? I told you, I told you kill anyone in the mountains who could be a problem! You a little ManBear-b****, that's what you are! [マンベアピッグ、ピーピーを威嚇いかくする] You wanna fuck with Pi-Pi, huh? Don't forget what I have on you. Sit down, ManBear-b*****! [マンベアピッグ、座り直す] I want that desalinization plant gone, and I want the scientist dead! There can be only one streaming service. And it's going to be Pi-Pi+!
Deserted Park County Police Station
パーク郡警察署。ハリソン・イェーツ、飲料をグラスに注ぐ。
イェーツ
[独白] It was 8:15 on a Thursday night. The people were all excited about the possibility of a new desalinization plant. But I had a lingering uneasiness in my gut. And then, just like that, in walked the nicest pair of knockers I'd ever seen in my life. [カートマンとバターズ、入室]
カートマン
Detective, we need to talk to you.
イェーツ
Aw, fuck, not you again. Get out of here, kid, I'm not going to arrest your mom.
カートマン
You might think differently when you hear what we have to say. Go ahead, Tolkien.
トールキン
Sir, we think the person who killed Robert Cussler actually had a bigger plan; to make the drought happen.
イェーツ
Your father killed Robert Cussler. And what makes you think he had a bigger plan? Wait a minute. Did he tell you his business plan? Did he show you his deck?
トールキン
No.
バターズ
My uncle Larry showed me his dick once.
トールキン
My dad isn't capable of killing anyone.
イェーツ
Well, I'm sure that's true. And that's why your dad had ManBearPig do it for him. You see, your dad used ManBearPig to get rid of the competition in the streaming wars.
カートマン
Butters, please. [バターズ、カートマンの胸部から視線を外す]
イェーツ
And ManBearPig will just go right on doing whatever Tolkien's father says because he's afraid.
バターズ
ManBearPig is afraid? Of what?
イェーツ
Afraid for the safety… of its wife and child. Not many people know about PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck, but your father must have threatened ManBearPig that he would tell people they exist. And if everyone knew that climate change had a child, they'd go after it.
トールキン
Okay, whatever, but you have no proof that it was my dad who did anything.
イェーツ
Don't I? I happen to know for a fact that while the rest of the state is suffering, your dad has been out living it up. [書類をカートマンに手渡す] Surveillance camera caught him enjoying his time at a waterpark. [流血しながらウォータースライダーを滑り降りていくスティーヴの写真が登場]
カートマン
The waterpark.
新たなピーピー・プラスのコマーシャル。ラリー・デヴィッドが話す。
ラリー・デヴィッド
Hello, I'm Larry David. When I made my Superbowl commercial for crypto, I didn't even really know what it was! But thanks to the money I made, I now can enjoy my favorite beverage every day! [小便が口に放射される]
ナレーター
Larry David is in! Are ur-ine?
女性アナウンサー
Go pee! With Pi-Pi+!
スティーヴ・ブラック、洞窟の内部で目覚める。息遣い荒く目覚めたスティーヴ、傷の手当てがされていることに気付く。
スティーヴ
Hello? Where the fuck am I? [岩の壁を登り、小便が流れる滝を発見する] Hello?!
ピーピー
[画面外] Well, I don't know, but it needs to be a-fixed, okay? Maybe we have some kind of an intruder, huh, that's doing the sabotage, you know!
警備員
We looked everywhere, sir. We didn't find anything.
ピーピー
Well, look harder, you stupid fuck! Something going on down here!
スティーヴ
[うなり声およびなにかがきしむ音を聞きつけて、背後を振り返る

] Who are you? Did you bandage me up?

チャックチャック
Chuck Chuck!
警備員
Come on! Something's happened to the outtake valves again!
チャックチャック
Shhh.
Publicbuildings-us-geo-survey
アメリカ地質調査所。建設が進行している。
ランディ
Okay, that's great, guys. Keep the pipe on the downward slope.
シャロン
How's it all going? [ランディにコーヒーを手渡す]
ランディ
Oh, thanks, honey. It's good. Fast. I think we can have this thing up and running for tests in a week.
シャロン
That's amazing.
ランディ
You're not so bad yourself, babe. [微笑んで、歩き去る] Oh, and hey, Sharon? [シャロン、振り返る] Sorry about the whole "weed thing."
シャロン
It's okay, Randy.
ランディ
All right, Nelson, I've updated the engineering. I've accounted for the elevation but I still can't figure out the pipeline. The problem is actually getting enough pressure to get the saltwater up here to the plant.
ネルソン
It almost seems impossible. I don't know how you get saltwater up here without a tremendous amount of energy.
ランディ
Yeah, well, let's just keep working. There has to be an answer. Science always has an answer.
ネルソン
Randy, it's good to have you back at the U.S. Geological Survey.
ランディ
Thanks, Nelson. Oh, and hey, Nelson? Sorry about the whole "weed thing."
ネルソン
That's okay, Randy.
ピーピーのコマーシャルに大坂なおみが登場する。
大坂なおみ
Hi, my name is Naomi Osaka. And I enjoy crypto just like I enjoy fresh piss on my organic greens. [男性、運んできたサラダに放尿した後で大坂に手渡す] Fortune favors the brave. Fortune favors the brave.
マット・デイモン
Fortune favors the brave.
大坂なおみ
Fortune favors the brave. [無理やりにサラダを食べる]
ナレーター
Naomi Osaka is in! Are ur-ine?
女性アナウンサー
Go pee! With Pi-Pi+!
Pi-Pi's Urineworld
ピーピーの小便ワールド。音楽が流れるなか、プール施設で仕方なく遊ぶ家族が映る。
アナウンサー
[拡声器越しに] Welcome to Pi-Pi's Waterpark! Where the thrills and fun are all 100% urine. We hope you have a magical day and if you need to use the restroom, just let it go in one of our many pools. Your pee will be collected and harvested for Denver's water supply. Go pee, Colorado.
バターズ
Boy oh boy, what a great day for a swim! Can't wait to hit that fresh pool! [携帯用無線機を取り出して] Blackhawk, this is Browneye. I am in position.
トールキン
Copy, Butters, Did you see the slide we're looking for?
バターズ
That's a negative, Blackhawk. Got nothin' here.
トールキン
What about over by the funnel cakes, Eric?
カートマン
I don't see the slide that matches the one in the picture, Tolkien. I'm afraid this could be a dead end, guys. [停止] Wait. Oh, my God. There's a guy here who's just totally staring at my tits. Hey, do you mind, sir? My eyes are up here.
トールキン
Eric, we're trying not to draw attention to oursel…
カートマン
Stop looking at my tits! Yes you are!
トールキン
Eric, do you–
カートマン
These people are all staring at my fucking tits! They're such perverts!
名前不詳の女性3
Little boy, we're just a bit shocked to see that.
カートマン
Yeah, 'cause you're in the itty bitty titty committee, b****!
トールキン
Just focus on the fucking plan, Eric!
バターズ
Hey, fellas, I think I got it! I found the slide where the photo was taken! And there's some kind of bunker entrance right next to it.
Credigree Weed
クレディグリディ・ウィード。イェーツ、玄関の扉をたたく。

イェーツ
Hello, ma'am. I'm sorry but I need to speak with you about your husband.
リンダ
Is he dead?
イェーツ
Not yet. But he will be as soon as I can find him. Can I come in? [画面がリビングルームに切り替わる] Your husband is a very dangerous man. We now believe that he caused the whole drought to happen. Do you mind? [喫煙の手ぶりを見せる]
リンダ
Yes.
イェーツ
Great. Now, obviously, your husband had some kind of bigger business plan. He might have it all explained somewhere. Does your husband have a deck?
リンダ
Of course my husband has a dick.
イェーツ
Well, I'd like to see it, if that's okay with you.
リンダ
How am I supposed to show you when I don't even know where he is?
イェーツ
All right. If you want to be difficult, ma'am, that's fine. But you know where your husband is and so does your little boy. I'm sure that you've both seen his deck and I'm sure it's pretty massive.
リンダ
Detective, my husband is a good man.
イェーツ
Well I'm sure he was at one point. But then he started a streaming service and became the monster that he is today.
リンダ
Okay, well, I think you should leave now.
イェーツ
All right, fine. But just so you know, when I find your husband– and I will find him– I'm gonna shoot him. And then I'll check out his deck later.
Pi-Pi's Urineworld
小便の滝。音楽を背景に、カートマンとトールキン、バターズが階段を下りていく。
トールキン
This must be where all the pee is collected for Pi-Pi's streaming service.
バターズ
Sure is a lot of pee!
トールキン
This place is massive. They had to have been working on this place for years!
カートマン
Yeah, looks like someone has been planning on fucking my mom for a long time!
トールキン
Everyone spread out and see what you can find.
バターズ
[スマートフォンの懐中電灯で辺りを照らしながら] What exactly are we looking for?
カートマン
Documents, contracts, condoms, whatever you can find.
トールキン
Get a picture of anything unusual. People would be very interested to see how far along this all is.
バターズ
Hey, there's some little brown chocolates on the floor. [『チョコレート』の跡を追って歩くバターズ、チャックチャックと鉢合わせる]
チャックチャック
Chunk! [バターズの頭に飛び乗る]
トールキン
Woah! [チャックチャック、暴れて洞窟内を走り回り、周囲の物を壊す] It's okay. It's okay. We're not gonna hurt you.
チャックチャック
[小声で] Chuck Chuck?
カートマン
The fuck is that?
トールキン
What are you doing down here? Are you lost?
チャックチャック
Chuck Chuck.
カートマン
You guys, seriously, the fuck is that?
バターズ
It's like a little bear pig…
トールキン
They don't know you're down here, do they?
チャックチャック
Chuck Chuck.
警備員1
Hey, stop right there! [チャックチャックが走り去る。後を追うカートマンらを通路内に閉じ込める]
警備員1
Yeah, we did it! We did it!
警備員2
Tell the boss we caught 'em! We finally caught the little buggers that've been messing with the equipment down here.
ピーピーのコマーシャル。リース・ウィザースプーンが登場する。
リース・ウィザースプーン
I'm Reese Witherspoon. I think crypto is a great idea, but there's one investment that's even smarter. That's why when my family is enjoying festive party games, we do it in pee. [小便とりんごの入った容器の中に顔を突っ込む]]
ナレーター
Reese Witherspoon is in! Are ur-ine?
女性アナウンサー
Go pee! With Pi-Pi+!
Publicbuildings-us-geo-survey
ランディの職場。青色の設計図を見ながら仕事をするランディのそばに、シャロンが近づく。
ランディ
Oh, hey, honey.
シャロン
Any luck?
ランディ
No. The plant is almost ready to go and I still can't figure out how to get the saltwater to it. The elevations are just too extreme. Hey, what are the kids doing?
シャロン
Mm, they're just in their rooms, hanging out.
ランディ
Yeah?
シャロン
Yeah.
ランディ
How about we round them up and go take a nice walk or something.
シャロン
You sure?
ランディ
Yeah, I need a break and they need a dad. Come on. [電話が鳴る] Oh, hang on a second, it's Nelson. Hey, Nelson! How's it going up there?
ネルソン
Randy! Randy! The plant! It's all wrecked!
ランディ
What are you talking about?
ネルソン
It was climate change, Randy! It ripped apart the watershed and took a huge shit in the conversion tanks!
ランディ
No.
ネルソン
It just started tearing through people. But, Randy, it seemed like it was looking for something. I'm scared it might have been looking for you. [通話が切れると、ランディ、急いで外へ向かう]
シャロン
Randy, what's going on? [ランディ、野球のバットをつかむ]
スタン
What's going on, Dad?
ランディ
Take the kids to the basement and lock the door.
シャロン
Randy, what are we…
ランディ
Just do it, baby, please! [裏口から外に出て、警戒しながら辺りを見回す]
スティーヴ
Randy, I'm not gonna hurt you.
ランディ
[振り返り、仰天] What the fuck are you doing here?!
スティーヴ
I need your help, Randy. I can't go to the police.
ランディ
Yeah, no shit, 'cause you're a murderer!
スティーヴ
I didn't kill anyone! Look, I know we've had our differences. But I need you to trust me right now.
ランディ
I don't care about Credigree Weed anymore. I just want to fix the drought.
スティーヴ
You're not going to fix it because Pi-Pi controls everything!
ランディ
Pi-Pi?
スティーヴ
He used the water commissioner to get us to start our streaming war against each other.
ランディ
No. [バットを下ろす]
スティーヴ
He used us, Randy. Pi-Pi tried to have me killed but some little beaver thing saved me. Please. My wife said Tolkien and his friends went to look for me at the waterpark. Credigree and Tegridy have to work together.
ランディ
Tegridy took over my life and completely ruined my character. Don't you get it? We aren't the ones who are ever gonna help anything. We're the ones who make everything worse. [バットを落として、悲しげに屋内へと戻る]
Pi-Pi's Urineworld
小便滝の地下施設。カートマン、おりから脱出しようと試みる。
カートマン
[うなり声] It's no use, we can't hack through the bars.
トールキン
[小声] Hey. Hey there. [チャックチャック、岩の陰から頭を突き出す]
チャックチャック
[ささやき声] Chuck Chuck.
トールキン
Hey. Are you down here looking for your dad? I'm looking for my dad, too.
カートマン
Oh, God, that's so cheesy.
トールキン
[振り返ってカートマンをにらみつける] You don't have to be afraid of people. I can tell you why.
チャックチャック
Chuck Chuck.
カートマン
Yes. Good, Tolkien, I think you're starting to reason with it. [背後の扉が開いたため、チャックチャックはその場から逃走する]
ピーピー
[歩み寄り] So! You're the little "sabotagis" that's been messing with my stuff, huh?
バターズ
Uh, no, we actually just got here recently, sir.
トールキン
Where is my dad?
ピーピー
Your dad? [指を鳴らして] Oh… You the boys that make-a the little boats-a. No? Oh, you help Pi-Pi so much! You probably made a lot of money, huh?
トールキン
We didn't know what we were doing.
ピーピー
Yeah, well, who does, huh? That's doing business in America. You just get in, fuck everything up, pay people money you don't have, and try to get a big market evaluation, yes?
カートマン
So you sped up climate change and then you fucked my mom, is that it?
ピーピー
Scusi?
バターズ
No, see, what he did was he paid people too much money while actually devaluing the artists, creating a streaming business that was driving content instead of content driving the business. So now he's got a huge company but all he's delivering is piss.
ピーピー
And now I'm about to have the only streaming service in the world. You see, I have all the celebrities here. Everybody to be in one big final commerci together! And when that commerci goes out, everybody gonna want to invest in Pi-Pi. And you boys, well… I'm afraid you might meet up with a little accidente, eh? The pee-pee gonna come down and it gonna wash you boys away down a drain-ee. Come on! We gotta make-a the commerci! [歩き去る]
Tegridy Farms Clean
テグリディ・ファーム。ランディ、キッチンにて気落ちした様子で座っている。
ランディ
I'm sorry, guys. I got played.
スタン
We all got played, Dad. The whole state.
ランディ
I really thought I could make a difference this time.
シャロン
Well, you can't, Randy. But there is someone who can. Somebody who can go down to that waterpark and demand to be heard.
スタン
We need Karen back, Dad.
ランディ
What? No. No!
スタン
You have to, Dad. Karen is the only one that can get past security and insist to see the management.
ランディ
Karen is gone. Okay? I'm never going back.
スタン
Then Pi-Pi does win. And we all go without fresh water for the rest of our lives. Come on, Karen, please. My friends are down there.
ランディ
It doesn't work like that. I didn't just become Karen overnight. First I smoked weed. Then I smoked too much weed. Then I started a weed farm and then I got entitled and did everything I could to protect it! [窓から外を見つめて] But the weed is all gone now.
シャロン
Not all of it. [棚から大麻製品を詰めたビンを取り出す]
ランディ
The Thanksgiving Day Special? You saved this? I-I made this, like, three years ago.
シャロン
Yeah. I think it's the best special you ever made.
ランディ
If I smoke this… I won't remember any of you. It will be like none of the past few days ever happened.
スタン
We have to have water, Karen.
ランディ、ビンを納屋まで運ぶ。上着とシャツを脱いで巻きたばこを作り、大麻を喫煙する。その後酩酊めいていして、召喚術を行う幻覚を見たため、納屋の外で見守る家族を混乱させる。
スタン
What the hell is he doing?
シェリー
He looks ridiculous.
シャロン
Just– just let him do it, kids.
ランディ、カレンの格好をして外に飛び出す。
ランディ
Someone's been fucking with my Tegridy! [家族、大喜び]
Pi-Pi's Urineworld
ピーピーの小便ワールド。ピーピー、監督然として椅子に座り、最新版のコマーシャル撮影をしている。
ピーピー
Thank you! Thank you, everyone, for coming to be a part of filming my new commerci. This is gonna be the best commerci we ever make-a! [一同、覇気なく拍手を送る] Okay, now everyone look like you're having fun! Background action! And action, Matt Damon-a!
マット・デイモン
Hi. I'm Matt Damon. Me and all my Hollywood friends have a little secret to share.
一同
We love being in pee. Are you in?
ピーピー
Okay, that's good, that's good. Now you all play in the pee a little bit. [一同、ためらいがちにプール内の尿を飛ばす] You laughing, you having fun. You splash-a the pee on each other. Good, good. You love the pee. Now maybe, Matt Damon, you splash pee on Reesie Witherspoon. And then Reesie, the pee- the pee make you so happy that– that you cry.
リース・ウィザースプーン
I cry?
ピーピー
Yes, Reesie, you so happy in the pee, it make you cry. And when you cry… you cry the pee.
リース・ウィザースプーン
I can't cry pee.
ピーピー
Oh, come on, Reesie. You slut yourself out for crypto, now just be a slut for Pi-Pi. Go on, cry, Reesie. You're all a bunch of sellouts. Cry for the commerci. Come on, cry. [一同、泣きだす]
Pi-Pi's Urineworld
ピーピーの小便ワールド入口。
警備員1
I'm sorry, folks, the waterpark is closed for a commercial shoot. We'll let you know as soon as we get things back open again. [1台の自動車、高速で駐車場に乱入する]
名前不詳の女性4
It's Karen!
カレン
I want in your waterpark right now!
警備員1
The park's closed, they're filming a commercial.
カレン
I wanna speak to your… manager! [叫び、周囲の人間を声量で昏倒させて進む]
コマーシャルの撮影場所。
ピーピー
Good. Good. And now, Larry David, you come up with the pee in your mouth. And then you just, you just spit the pee on Gwyneth Paltrow. [グウィネスがプールに嘔吐した後、ランディがピーピーに近づく]
ランディ
There you are! What's going on? You wanna tell me what the fuck is going on?!
ピーピー
Scusi, who let you in?
ランディ
I let myself in because it's a free country and I'll stand where I fucking want!
ピーピー
Get him out of here! [警備員、ランディの腕をつかむ]
ランディ
Don't you fucking touch me! Don't any of you fucking touch me!
ピーピー
Okay, we obviously have a bit of a Karen here, let's, uh…
カレン
You can call me Karen all you fucking want! Motherfucker! Why don't you tell everyone what you've been doing?! I want to speak to someone in charge! No! No, 'cause clearly you're not in charge! [叫び声が地下施設まで届く]
監視員
What's going on up there?
ランディ
You don't even know what the fuck you're doing! Do you?!
監視員
[物音を聞きつけて] Hello? Who's there? Who's there? Goddamn it, I– I'm the fuckin' lifeguard. [笛を吹いた後、ピッグベアガールに石で殴りつけられ昏倒する]
トールキン
Whoa.
ランディ
[ピーピーに向かって叫びつづける] No, you– you all need to get a life! I'm not wasted, you're wasted!
ピーピー
Okay, fine, if you don't leave, I'm gonna call the police.
ランディ
Fuckin' do it! Fucking call the police! Bring 'em right here! Why don't you go back to your own fucking country?!
群衆
Oh, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
報道陣が局内でランディをリポートする。
リポーター
Tom, it looks like after several days of nothing, a new Karen video has finally appeared on the Internet. A livestream caught Karen spewing the usual entitled hateful bullshit, and more and more viewers are tuning in!
ランディ
[動画] You probably don't even have a fucking green card, do you?!
ピーピー
Okay. Please leave, okay?
ランディ
No! You leave! I'm an American! I pay taxes!
ピーピー
Okay, please– please leave.
ランディ
No! You're a piece of shit who started the streaming wars on purpose to– to cause the drought!
ピーピー
Okay– that's it. Everybody, we're sorry for the disturbance.
ランディ
Yeah, and then you pay celebrities to get people to invest in your dumb shit 'cause you know it's fucking dumb!
ピーピー
Somebody get this Karen out of my face-y! [うなり声とともにマンベアピッグ登場] Oh, you fucked now, Karen. Oh, look out! ManBearPig!
トールキン
Dad? Dad! [走り寄る] Dad, you're okay!
スティーヴ
Tolkien? Tolkien! [抱き合う] Where did you come from?!
トールキン
We were busted out by our new friend. It's okay, you can come out. [ピッグベアガールとチャックチャック登場]
チャックチャック
Chuck Chuck.
ランディ
What the fuck is that thing?
カートマン
I think I can explain it all. [停止] You see, for Pi-Pi's plan to work, he needed to control climate change. And the only way to control anything, is by fucking its mom. But what Pi-Pi didn't count on, was that a child will stop at nothing to find out who's fucking their mom.
チャックチャック
[ピッグベアガールとともにマンベアピッグと抱き合う] Chuck Chuck.
ピーピー
[神経質に] See? I– I keep them safe, uh-huh. [マンベアピッグ、うなりながらピーピーに接近する] Whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute, ManBearB******. We have a great team, no? You no wanna hurt Pi-Pi. Look at everything we've done! [叫び乍逃走。マンベアピッグ、ピーピーの後を追ってウォータースライダーを上る] I give you half of the company, huh?! What do you say, ManBearB******?! We can own the only streaming service in the world together! [マンベアピッグ、ピーピーの首をつかんで頭部を切り落とす。残った体はウォータースライダーに放り投げる]
スティーヴ
It's over. We did it!
トールキン
We did it, Dad!
スティーヴ
Randy. Thank you so much. [停止] Randy? What are you staring at?
カートマン
Oh, here we go again.
ランディ
No, wait. [豊胸したカートマンの胸部をなでる]
カートマン
Mr… Mr. Marsh? My eyes are up– Dude!
ランディ
How to get saltwater to the desalinization plant. Saltwater– saline. Saline in the plant. Saline implant! Holy fuck!
Government Desalinization Plant
淡水化工場。聴衆、ハリソン・イェーツの演説に興奮する。
イェーツ
Today we try for a new beginning. You know, in police work, we don't always get it right. I wanted a deck in my hands so bad that I didn't care whose deck it was. But I'm happy to be standing here now with our new test subject.
カートマン
[マイクロフォンにまで近づき] Thank you. I just want to say to my mom… Mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't always be the son that you need. Because right now you need a son that can stay firm and teach you a lesson. But unfortunately duty calls. I'm ready. [胸部を露出し、ネルソンの手を借りて豊胸部を機械に設置する]
ネルソン
Okay, hit it. [男性がレバーを下ろすと、カートマンの胸部から注入された塩水が吸引される]
ランディ
Okay, it works. Bring in the rest! [豊胸術を受けた女性の集団が、開かれた門より登場]
議員
We got Matt Damon to tell every woman with fake tits to be brave!
ランディ
Look at all of them.
議員
It's working! [聴衆、さらに盛り上がる]
バターズ
Hey, everybody! Look! [一同、家族を連れて森へと帰っていくマンベアピッグを見守る]
イェーツ
ManBearPig is leaving with PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck.[マンベアピッグ、ほえる]
チャックチャック
Chuck Chuck!
リンダ
Hey, wait. If that little thing is gonna be climate change someday, shouldn't we, like… kill it?
スタン
I think what we should do is try to reach out to it, see what it needs and see if it can be different from its father.
ランディ
Yeah, but that all sounds really hard. We have enough water for the summer now. Fuck it. Let's smoke some weed!
一同、盛り上がる。カメラが遠のき、クレジットが表示される。
South Park: The Streaming Wars Part 2終了


  "South Park: The Streaming Wars Part 2"
エピソードの要素

エリック・カートマンスティーヴ・ブラックチャックチャックトールキン・ブラックピーピーピーピーの小便ワールドピッグベアガールマット・デイモンマンベアピッグランディ・マーシュ • "Love, Faith, and Fear" • "Summertime Girls" • "You Don't Miss Your Water"

ナビゲーション

一般トリビア画像台本補足情報

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