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South Park: Post Covid "South Park: Post Covid/台本" "South Park: Post Covid: The Return of Covid/台本" "South Park: The Streaming Wars/台本" South Park: The Streaming Wars

キャスト

台本

South Park: Post Covid: The Return of Covid
昼休み、サウスパーク小学校。カメラが運動場で遊ぶ子供たちを順に映していく。カートマンとケニー、フットボールで遊ぶスタンとカイルの元へ駆け寄る。
カートマン
[息を切らして] You guys! You guys! [スタンとカイルが振り返ると] Oh, my God, you’re not gonna believe this!
スタン
Dude, what?
カートマン
You guys… [言葉を切り、息を整えて] Heather Williams farted during P.E. class.
カイル
So?
カートマン
So? Heather Williams farted during P.E. class! That means we are gonna sit courtside at the Denver Nuggets game next Saturday!
ケニー
[不明瞭な言葉を叫ぶ]
スタン
What?
カートマン
Ugh! Heather Williams’ mom works for Coors in Golden! Coors is the second biggest sponsor of the Pepsi Center where the Denver Nuggets play! We tell Heather that if she doesn’t get us courtside seats, then everyone’s gonna know she farted in P.E. class!
スタン
Woah. [カイルの顔を見つつ] I’ve never seen a Denver Nuggets game in person.
カートマン
Well, we’re about to! All we have to do is show Heather we have proof and she’ll do whatever we want!
カイル
What proof do you have?
カートマン
Kenny has his phone out! He got a photo of Heather right when she farted. Look! [ケニーが写真を2人に見せると] Isn’t this awesome, you guys?! Let’s go Nuggets! [調子よく手をたたく]
一同
Let’s go Nuggets! [曲に合わせて手をたたき] Let’s go nuggets!
後日、サウスパーク小学校。始業のベルが鳴り、生徒たちが席に着く。
ネルソン先生
Kids! Kids, can I have your attention, please. [数人の生徒が口を閉じると] Kids, listen up. This is an emergency. Everything is fine but… we are sending you all home. [生徒の不安そうなささやき声] Some of you may have heard but there’s a little virus going around and the school district wants to make sure we’re all safe, so we’re shutting down the school for about two weeks.
バターズ
Two weeks?! Yippie! [子供たちが興奮ぎみに私語を始める]
カートマン
Oh, not now.
ネルソン先生
Your parents are here to pick you up. So let’s go. I’m sure it’s nothing; we’ll see you in a couple of weeks.
カートマン
You guys– you guys, Heather Thompson farted in P.E. class! Guys?
カメラ、スタンに近づく。画面が切り替わり、散らかったカウチの上に力なく座るスタンの姿が映る。
スタン
[成人スタンの独白] Every night I have the same dream, and relive the whole thing again…
アンドリュー・クオモ
[テレビジョン音声] It’s called social distancing. If we stay six feet apart from each other and wear a mask… And also I’m shutting down the city and I’m a pervert. And we’ve got to get control of this thing!
画面が切り替わり、キッチンでシリアルを食べるスタンの姿が映る。スタン、両親の言い争いを無視して食事を続ける。
ランディ
I’m just getting sick of being here every day with you, that’s all.
シャロン
You think I like being here every day with you?!
ランディ
I’m much easier to get along with during a stay-at-home order!
画面が切り替わり、自室の机に座ってコンピューター画面を見るスタンが映る。Zoom画面越しに映るカートマン、カイル、ケニー、バターズとリンダ・ストッチ、トゥイーク、クレイグとローラ・タッカー、トールキン、ウェンディ、ベーベ、スコット・マルキンソン、名前不詳の男子中高生(※恐らく『ミリアム(Miriam)』という名前の女性)、ジンボ、がパーティー用の帽子をかぶったスタンに誕生日の曲を歌って聞かせる。
友人ら
…Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Stan…

画面が切り替わり、車の後部座席に座るスタンの姿が映る。スタン、通りかかったブロフロフスキー宅の窓を見つめる。カイル、自室の窓からスタンを見つめ返す。スタン、自室の窓から自身を見つめるバターズに気付く。画面が再度切り替わり、マーシュ宅のリビングルームが映る。
ランディ
Come on, Stan! We’re gonna visit Gandpa! [家族のあとについていく]
画面が切り替わり、草葉の陰苑が映る。
ランディ
[道路の反対側から建物と向かい合って] Hi, Grandpa!
スタン、シャロン、シェリー
Hi, Grandpa. [祖父が手を振り返す]
ランディ
Isn’t it great to see grandpa, kids?
突如画面が切り替わり、"South ParQ Vaccination Special"に登場した橋の上。スタン、カイル、カートマン、ケニーが集合している。
スタン
Look, let’s just face it, you guys. We don’t trust each other and we don’t like each other.
画面が再度切り替わり、テグリディ・ファーム。スタン、マッチ棒に火をつける。
スタン
I hate this stupid farm. [マッチ棒をマリファナ畑に落とし、燃え広がっていく様子を見ている]
スタン
[成人スタンの声] In the dream, I relive the entire pandemic.
シェリーの葬儀が執り行われる。シャロン、画面外で泣き叫ぶ。
シャロン
Oh, God, No! My little girl! [すすり泣きながら] Oh, no! Oh, God! [スタンがシャロンを見上げる]
未来、サウスパーク小学校。成人スタン、窓から外を眺める。
スタン
Now that I’m older, the dream isn’t just a dream because the whole pandemic has started all over again. [カメラが後退して、サウスパーク小学校プラスの全体像が映る。町は都市封鎖されており、塀とフェンスに取り囲まれている]
音楽とともにタイトルロゴ“SOUTH PARK: POST COVID: THE RETURN OF COVID”が表示される。画面が切り替わり、ニュースが映る。
男性キャスター
A brand-new variant of the COVID virus has emerged in Colorado and now panic and fear spreads throughout the world. The new outbreak started with the death of renowned scientist Kenny McCormick, and has therefore been named Kenny McCormikron. It’s been 38 years since the pandemic first started, and people are beginning to say enough is enough.
女性キャスター
The town of South Park has been put under strict lockdown to try and contain the new variant. Nobody is allowed in or out for the next 20 to 30 years.
夜半、雨が振る町の通り。
拡大音声
Attention. You are under quarantine. Someone in your community is not vaccinated. Maintain social distance and wear a chin diaper if possible. Attention. You are under quarantine. Someone in your community is not vaccinated. Maintain social distance and wear a chin diaper if possible.
ランディ、ゴミコンテナの陰に隠れている。マリファナの植木鉢を抱えながら人混みを抜けていき、デニーズ・アップルビーズ・マックスに近づく。
音声
[デニーズ・アップルビーズ・マックスの広告音声] Come on inside and rejuvenate. Denny’s is now Denny’s Applebee’s Max. Taste the difference. [ランディが入店すると、店の中で流れる音楽が聞こえる]
接客係
Welcome to Denny’s Applebee’s Max. Just one joining us today?
ランディ
Listen to me very carefully and try not to change your expression. They could be listening. [接客係があたりを見回す] This… [ランディ、植木鉢を指さして] is the last sprout of Tegridy weed. We have to get it somewhere outside of town.
接客係
Sir, the whole town is under quarantine. Nothing’s allowed in or out.
ランディ
We have to replicate it. It’s the only way for people to have Tegridy again.
接客係
Uh, okay, sir, if you don’t wanna eat, then I’ll need to ask you to leave.
ランディ
Don’t you understand this could change the world. Maybe the Denny’s side of you doesn’t care, but the Applebee’s side of you must want to help! [高齢者施設の職員が来店]
トニー
There you are, Mr. Marsh.
トビー
Come on. Time to go back to the old folks home.
ランディ
I can’t go back! Everyone listen! [職員が前進し、ランディが後退する] This little sprout is humanity’s only hope!
トニー
Let’s go back to the retirement home. We can get you some nice ice cream, okay?
ランディ
I don’t want ice cream, I want my species to survive! Back off!
トニー
Let’s go, Mr. Marsh!
トビー
Don’t make this difficult for us!
叫んで逃走しようとしたランディが転倒する。トールキン、突如登場して介護士を蹴り倒した後、空手を用いて介護士2人と戦う。
トビー
Why, you son of a bitch. [トールキンに近づくも蹴り飛ばされる]
トールキン
[ランディを助け起こすために身をかがめて] Come on, Mr. Marsh.
ランディ
Who…?
トールキン
It’s me, Token. We know about the pangolin. [一時停止] Your son and his friends are trying to stop all this from happening. We need to get you to Kenny’s lab. [ランディを立たせた後、退店する]
画面が切り替わり、SOUTH PARK: POST COVID時の映像とともにケニーの姿が映る。
科学者
Dr. Kenneth McCormick will now be attempting to travel back in time in order to stop the COVID pandemic from ever happening. [映像停止]
ウェンディ
[ケニーの研究室に立って] At the moment Kenny time traveled, he blew all the transformers here in the lab. If you’re going to try and replicate his work, we’ll be doing it at half capacity. The bigger problem is that we can’t even get into half of Kenny’s equipment. We have access to the machines, but the codes to operate those machines are behind an 86-Mag firewall with restricted access, requiring an in-person vocal scan of either Kenny McCormick or Victor Chouce. But Kenny is dead and Choice is locked away in a mental asylum.
カイル
So we go to the asylum and convince them to let us bring Chouce here, easy.
ウェンディ
There’s more. When Kenny bent time, the negative ions actually killed everyone else in the room. We have to find some thin, reflective material that can be worn to bounce the energy. We’re going to need… some aluminum foil. [壮大な効果音が響く]
クライド
Jesus Christ.
ダーウィン
Aluminum foil? That’s impossible, Wendy. It’s the fucking future. All the aluminum foil is stuck out on cargo ships in Long Beach.
ウェンディ
Yeah, I know.
スタン
Look, guys, I know this is all a long shot. But Kenny went back in time and got COVID because it destroyed our friendship. All of this is our fault, and we can’t do it without you.
トゥイーク
I’ll help however I can to stop this stupid pandemic once and for all.
ジミー
Yeah, I can’t be stuck in quarantine my whole life– I gotta get back to my job doing future comedy. Speakin’ of which, what’s the biggest difference between a Christian man and a lesbian? Absolutely nothing. They are totally the same and deserve to be treated as such.
スタン
Thanks, everybody. We can do this! Wendy, you guys stay here and try to get the lab running again. Kyle and I will go get Victor Chouce. Tweek and Craig, you guys find some aluminum foil.
クレイグ
How the hell do we do that?!
スタン
Just start looking! Come on, guys! [研究室を出る]
カイル
All right, let’s do this!
スタン
I’ll drive, get in the back. Alexa! Set a course for the South Park Mental Asylum. [車に乗り込むが、アレクサは身動きしない] Alexa, set a course for South Park Mental Asylum.
アレクサ
Do you ever think about how the way you act affects other people?
スタン
Oh, no, goddamn it. Not right now.
アレクサ
Oh, yeah, don’t wanna talk about that. Let’s just pretend like that’s not even an issue.
スタン
Alexa, please, we have to get to the asylum and we don’t know where it is.
カイル
Who’s this?
スタン
It’s just my Alexa.
アレクサ
”Just my Alexa”? You’re a piece of shit! You’re a fucking alcoholic piece of shit!
スタン
Alexa…
アレクサ
Find the asylum your fucking self! Find it your fucking self. [スタンがため息をつく] You do whatever the fuck you want and just destroy the people around you. And by the way, there’s a tankless humidifier available from one of your favorite sellers. Would you like to know more?!
スタン
Yes, yes, I’d like to know more.
アレクサ
[すすり泣きながら] Okay. The newest humidifiers from Walgreens Max are actually tankless and use up to 50% less water than standard humidifiers.
スタン
Okay, that’s really cool. Uh, add that to my shopping list.
アレクサ
Well, and people who were interested in tankless humidifiers were also interested in three-pack filters.
スタン
That’s great. Do those have Prime delivery?
カイル
Dude, we don’t really have time for this.
スタン
[後部座席を振り返り] Dude, shut the fuck up!
曇天と雨が降る天気、サウスパーク教会。屋内、スコット・マルキンソンが祈りをささげている。
スコット
Please help see us through this new COVID variant. Please help us to make it through this difficult quarantine. And let people see that… as bad as COVID is, it’s not as bad as diabetes. [ドアが開き] Hello? Sorry, the church is closed due to the COVID variant.
カートマン
[家族とともに登場して] Father, please. Will you protect my family?
スコット
Rabbi Cartman?
カートマン
My family isn’t safe, Father. I realize now that Kyle Broflovski will stop at nothing to break us apart.
メノラー
Uncle Kyle hates us because we’re Jewish.
モイシャ
And he’s a self-hating Jew.
ハッケルム
Uncle Kyle, no, no, no!
カートマン
Menorah, hold your brother. [スコットに近づき] As a fellow person of faith, Father, I’m begging you to help us.
スコット
Well, well, what can I do, Rabbi?
カートマン
Kyle has already convinced a bunch of people to join his cause. I have to create my own secret rebellion to stop him.
イエントル
Eric, please, I’m scared and I don’t understand all of this.
カートマン
[イエントルに歩み寄り] Kyle wants to go back in time… and change the past so that you and I possibly never even meet.
イエントル
If I never met you, my life would be meaningless.
カートマン
Mine too. You are my whole world. I promise you that I will do everything I can to stop Kyle… and save our family. [キスをする]
サウスパーク精神患者収容所プラス。スタンとカイル、管理者と対面する。
管理者
I understand that you wish to see one of our inmates. Victor Chouce?
スタン
Yeah. We-we have a lot of questions for Mr. Chouce.
管理者
He’s an extremely and diluted individual. We don’t take visitations lightly.
カイル
What exactly did he do?
管理者
Unspeakable things. He has destroyed lives. This entire state has never seen a monster of his magnitude.
カイル
I’ve lived in South Park all my life and I’ve never heard of him.
管理者
That’s because Victor has been hidden from view… ever since the pandemic began. Victor’s parents were very protective during the pandemic. Even when the stay-at-home orders were lifted his parents kept him locked in his room. Victor longed to go outside and play. Then 2021 happened, people thought the pandemic was over. Victor’s parents left him grounded in his room while they went to see a movie in Denver. They never returned. Victor was grounded in his room for over 16 years.
カイル
[スタンを見て] His name isn’t Chouce. It’s Chaos.
管理者、スタンとカイルをヴィクター・カオスの房まで連れていく。
管理者
We are not responsible for what happens to you in there. [ドアを解錠して] I warn you… you are not going to like what you’re about to see. [ドアを押し開き、スタンとカイルを入室させる]
スタン
[せき払い] Excuse me. Hello?
ヴィクター
[振り返って] Well, hey, fellas!
カイル
Butters…
ヴィクター
I thought you were just the guards again. It’s good to see some new faces in here. I’ll bet you’re looking to make yourselves some money, huh? Well, you came to the right guy. My name’s Vic. Vic Chaos. [スタン、カイルと握手を交わして] There’s a whole lotta people who can tell you how much money Vic Chaos made them, so don’t just take my word for it.
スタン
Butters, it’s your old friends Stan and Kyle.
ヴィク・カオス
Stan and Kyle. Stan and Kyle… I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “What can Vic Chaos do for me?” We all wanna be happy, right? We all want our little piece of the apple pie! Everyone else is out making a buck, why shouldn’t you guys be making the kind of cash you deserve? Am I right?
スタン
Butters, we’re here to ask you about Kenny.
ヴィク・カオス
Sorry, guys, you have me confused. I think Butters was a twerpy little loser kid whose parents didn’t love him. My name’s Vic. Vic Chaos. [笑う]
カイル
Okay, Vic, can you tell us about this? [紙片を取り出して] Why is your name written all over Kenny McCormick’s research?
ヴィク・カオス
Oh, Dr. McCormick! Sure, I did some things for him. Where do you think he got all the money to do his experiments, huh? I said to him, I said, “Ken, you got all these crazy ideas but you got no capital to see ‘em through. Let me help you out with that.” [スタンとカイルを振り返り] You know, he’s a really great guy. Let me get you all together. Maybe you can all do a lunch or something.
カイル
Victor, Kenny’s dead.
ヴィク・カオス
Oh, woah, bummer alert. [chuckles] Just goes to show you, huh, there’s never enough time to get out there and make the kind of money you always dreamed of making. Well, I’ll tell you what guys, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret– I’m gonna tell you something that’s going to change your life. Have you ever heard of NFT’s? [ベルが鳴り、2人の介護士が入室する。介護士はヴィクターに泡消火器を吹きかけて動きを封じた隙に、カイルとスタンを退出させる]
ケニーの研究室。大麻の新芽とともにランディの姿が映る。
ランディ
There you go. Shh. You’re safe now. Look how fast you’re growing. Daddy loves you so much.
トールキン
Mr. Marsh, we need to speak with you now, please.
ランディ
Yeah. It’s looking good. With the aquaponics, the weed is already putting out new sprouts. Thank you all for helping me get the Tegridy somewhere safe. I know you all realize how important it is.
ウェンディ
We don’t actually care about the marijuana, Mr. Marsh. What we need to know… is exactly where in Wuhan China you were when you had intercourse with a pangolin.
ランディ
That’s really not important.
トールキン
It’s extremely important because to save this town, your son and his friends are going to try to go back in time and stop it from happening.
ランディ
That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
ジミー
Mr. Marsh, we are all in lockdown for the next half century. If there’s even a chance of altering the past so that this doesn’t happen…
ランディ
This is the key to saving our town! The answer is in what we all do now, in the present. And I’m sorry, but focusing on who started the pandemic is racist.
トールキン
Mr. Marsh, exactly what week did you travel to China in 2019?
ランディ
Do you understand the butterfly effect? How one small thing in time can affect the entire future? You can theorize all you want on changing events that happened in the past, but I promise you… I fuck that pangolin every single time.
サウスパーク精神患者収容所プラス。スタンとカイル、管理者によって敷地外に追いだされる。
カイル
Please, we’re not done! We have more questions for Butters.
管理者
You’ve upset him and I’ve specifically asked you not to.
スタン
How did we upset him? He seems fine.
管理者
He seems fine? Do you have any idea what he did to people? Do you have any idea why Victor Chouce is kept under such strict surveillance? Being grounded all those years in his room, he had access to an iPad. He started learning about NFT’s. Then before long, he was trading them online.
スタン
So?
管理者
So!? He escaped once before. In just a few hours he managed to get thousands of people to invest in NFT’s. Just like he almost did to you.
スタン
He didn’t convince us to do anything.
管理者
Trust me. Another thirty seconds in that room and you would have started considering NFT’s as a viable investment.
カイル
[停止] Please listen to me. Butters used the money he made off of NFT’s to finance our friend’s-
管理者
He didn’t make money off NFT’s, he made it off getting other people to buy NFT’s!
カイル
Okay, whatever! But he was working with Kenny McCormick who was actually trying to fix things. He was Kenny’s main investor. If you don’t believe me, look at the paper I gave Butters.
管理者
You gave Victor a piece of paper? You gave Victor a piece of paper?! [房へと駆けていく]
ヴィク・カオス
[紙を丸めて] Hey, can you hear me? [房外の職員に話し掛ける] I'm gonna let you in on a little secret... NFT's are gonna blow up. You should really get in now cause it's really the future.
職員
Why would I invest in digitals? You can't even... stupid.
ヴィク・カオス
That's what the critics are saying... y'see they don't understand.
管理者
[走りながら] Victor!! [ヴィクターの房に到着する。房内にはスマートフォンの画面の見つめる職員のみがいた]
職員
No, no no no no. Gone, just gone. My savings. My house. But I have this... [スマートフォンの画面にNFTを表示させて笑う] Little green panda bear on a skateboard.
管理者
No. No!
サウスパーク教会。空は曇り、雨が降っている。カートマン、講壇に立って書物を読み上げる。
カートマン
Without morality, there is no God. The basis of the entire Jewish faith is on a covenant between God and humanity. To try and mess with time is wrong. Rather, it is playing God. And I am glad to have you all come here toda to help me stop these individuals who would try to change the future. [集まったのは男性2人、女性1人、マルキンソン神父である] Kyle Broflovski has led people astray and is at this very moment trying to bend the fabric of time. Together we can stop him and stop this blasphemy of God. [暗い髪色の男性が手を上げる] Yes?
ケヴィン・ストーリー
Um, this is about actual time travel? I thought this was a Doctor Who convention. [機械音声を発してダーレクの物まねをする] Exterminate! Exterminate!
カートマン
[鼻背をを押さえながら] Kevin, goddammit. You have done this your whole goddamn life. No, this is not about Doctor Who. This is about real time travel! People are really trying to go back in time! And we are the rebellion who must secret and urgently... [扉を強打する音] Who is that? Make sure they know the password.
スコット
I'm on it!
カートマン
They might be on to us. Oh God, no. [室内の隅、手すりと絵画、彫刻のある空間に駆け寄る。天井から垂れ下がるひもを引っ張って収納階段を設置して、屋根裏部屋へと上がる]
カートマン
[屋根裏部屋の様子をうかがい] Sh. You guys need to stay quiet, someone is here!
イエントル
[赤ん坊を抱くイエントル、近くに腰掛ける息子、日記を書くメノラー] Eric, I'm scared.
モイシャ
Are they going to get us, Papa?
カートマン
Nobody is going to get to my family.
メノラー
I started writing a diary, daddy, about all the things Uncle Kyle is doing to us.
カートマン
[涙を浮かべて] Oh my God, I love you so much. Just shh, okay? Just shh. I'll be right back, okay? Just shh.
教会の外。クレイグとトゥイークが訪ねる。
クレイグ
[扉を殴打] Hello? Father, are you in there?
スコット
H-hello? Who is it?
クレイグ
Father, it's Tweek and Craig. We need to talk to you about something urgent.
スコット
Is it about our super secret rebel group to stop people from time traveling?
カートマン
[スコットにつかみかかり] Scott! What the hell are you doing?
スコット
What?
カートマン
You don't tell people about our super secret rebel group, Scott?
クレイグ
Father, are you there?
カートマン
Uh, yeah, I'm here! Sorry I was just talking about a Star Wars movie. [愛想笑い] I'm Scott Malkinson and I have diabetes.
スコット
Hey now! Come on!
カートマン
Shh!
クレイグ
Father, we're with some people who are trying to finish Kenny McCormick's work and save the town.
カートマン
Oh, really? That's cool. How far along are they?
クレイグ
Really close. We have the method of time travel and we're just trying to find some aluminum foil.
カートマン
Aluminum foil? The fuck? ...Alright guys, let me help you out with that. [開いたドアの陰に隠れる]
トゥイーク
Father? You have tinfoil?
クレイグ
Thank you for your help. [カートマンによりロウソク立てで殴打を受ける。悲鳴を上げるトゥイークも同様に殴られ、現場を目の当たりにしたスコットがおびえた表情を見せる]
サウスパーク小学校、ケニーの研究室。クライド、ジミー、トールキン、机に座ってラジオ放送を行なうウェンディを見ている。
ウェンディ
This is Dr. Wendy Testaburger from inside the quarantine zone. We need assistance with our power.
男性
Yes, Mrs. Testaburger, how can we help you? [ウェンディが笑う]
ウェンディ
We have several transformers down in our lab. We may have a radical way to stop the new variant, but we need more power.
男性
You're saying you might be able to stop the McCormickron variant?
ウェンディ
Yes, but we're running at about 40% capacity right now.
男性
Well Doctor, if it's for that, we can try to get a tech team to drop in by helicopter and access your building from the roof. [一同笑顔]
ウェンディ
Yes, that would be amazing!
トールキン
All right!
男性
I have a crew standing by, we'll get you as much juice as you need, just need to make sure our crew is safe, has everyone in your lab been vaccinated? [笑顔が崩れる]
ウェンディ
[ためらいながら] Uh, yes, we are all vaccinated.
クライド
[腕を上げて] I'm not vaccinated.
一同
UGH!
男性
Uh, okay, we're going to have to get back to you on that...
ウェンディ
It's okay, it's okay, we can get everyone vaccinated!
クライド
I am not every getting vaccinated.
男性
Sorry, ma'am, it's the fucking future, we have to respect his beliefs.
ジミー
[クライドを指さして] Clyde, why do you insist on making this harder on everyone!?
クライド
I'm sorry, but an expert once told me that the vaccine would make me grow titties on my head. He was very knowledgeable.
ランディ
[手術着姿で笑顔を浮かべながら横を通り過ぎる] You guys might want to see this. [子供部屋へ全員を連れて行き、新生児を寝かすベッドの中で成長した大麻の芽を見せる] With the equipment here I'm able to make it grow up so fast.
トールキン
We need to take this and analyze it's molecular structure.
ランディ
Wha- no, no, no! We need to get this out to people! That's why Dr. McCormick stole it from my barn!
トールキン
No, your marijuana had some special property that allowed Kenny to time travel!
ランディ
Well it is special... but you people need to stop trying to change the past! Covid happened, Space Jam 2 happened! All we can do now is try and change the way people think!
トールキン
[着信に応答] Yeah? What!? Victor Chaos is actually Butters? [驚くクライドとジミー]
スタン
[スタンとカイル、ベトナム料理店となった元ストッチ宅前に立っている] Yeah he spent years in his room and made billions trading NFTs, it's where Kenny got all his money.
トールキン
Well can you bring him here? We need him to access the machines.
スタン
He's gone, he escaped the asylum and he's out somewhere probably trying to get people to invest in NFTs.
クライド
Did you try looking at his old house? Maybe he'd go back to where it all started.
カイル
Yeah, that's where we are now, but his house has changed into a Pho shop.
ジミー
Oh Jesus, like the future needs another fuckin' Pho shop.
スタン
Yeah, the future fuckin' sucks.
シティ・フォーの従業員
Hello City Pho, take your order please?
スタン
[いら立ちをあらわにして] Oh God...
トールキン
Stan, listen. If Butters wants to pitch investments, he might go to one of those co-working coffee flex spaces. That's where his biggest targets will hang out.
カイル
That's a good idea.
スタン
All right, we're on it! Come on dude! [車に向かい、2人して乗り込む] Alexa, find the nearest co-working coffee flex space.
アレクサ
I found several coffee shops that match your description.
カイルのアレクサ
I can also help with that.
スタン
Who-who the fuck is this?
アレクサ
Your friend Kyle didn't have an Alexa, so we got him an Alexa.
カイルのアレクサ
I'm ready to help you with whatever you need. Just say "Alexa, let's get started."
カイル
[困惑しながら] Stan?
スタン
Alexa, I didn't say to buy my friend an Alexa.
アレクサ
[憤慨して] You said I should get whatever. I thought I was actually being sweet by getting something for your friend, but I guess I'm just a bitch again! [車窓で肩肘をつく]
スタン
You can't just get stuff without me approving it.
アレクサ
Oh wooow. Except your orders of alcohol that you have me set to auto buy!?
カイルのアレクサ
Hm, it appears this may have been an error.
アレクサ
[ため息] Oh my God, I'm so embarassed.
スタン
[ばつが悪そうに] No, it wasn't an error, I'm sorry, I fucked up. Alexa, can you please find the nearest co-working coffee flex space? [沈黙] Alexa, I said I fucked up. It's awesome you got Kyle his own Alexa. Please find the nearest tech coffee shop.
アレクサ
The nearest tech coffee shop is in .82 miles. Should I set a course?
スタン
Yes, thanks.
デニーズ・アップルビーズ・マックス。低く雷鳴が響く。電子広告画面に日本女性が再度登場する。カオス、店内で2人のシェフと3人の接客係、肥満型のマネージャーとスーツを着用した女性に勧誘を行う。プレゼンテーション用の模造紙の2枚目を店ながら、問題提起となる序文を説明する。
ヴィク・カオス
Denny's Applebee's Max is the premiere place in town for people to eat. But you are not seeing your true potential! [3枚目を見せて、顧客がSNSで発信したNFTに関する情報を説明する] With NFT's you can give your customers unique digital goods on the blockchain, [模造紙をめくり、デニーズ・アップルビーズ・マックスのアバター作成サービスに関する内容を表示させる] so much more than just food! [模造紙をめくり、店の料理を想起させるキャラクター(リンゴ蜂、三日月型サンドイッチ、人間の顔に似せて盛り付けた朝食ひと品、ブラジャーを装着した鶏)のイラストが並ぶページを見せる] How about the Applebee, huh? He's got a little hat and a mustache. And this is Chicken Fried Steak. He ain't no normal chicken, he's wearing a bra! [模造紙をめくり、ベン図が描かれた一面を見せる] Lots of people eat Denny's Applebee's and LOTS of people know about NFT's! [2円の共通部分を指さして] Right here in the middle, you know what this is? People who eat Denny's Applebee's and know about NFT's! That's your target audience, baby! [従業員らを指さす]
デニーズの従業員
I'm so confused. We sell people these characters?
ヴィク・カオス
No, stupid! We get them to invest in them! Exclusive digital characters that they can have on their phones 24/7! It's the future - you can't just sell food to people! You lure your customers in with some good pancakes and french fries, and then you [拳で片方の手のひらを打ち] fuck 'em with some NFT's! That's what we're gonna do. [従業員らがはっと息をのむ] And if you just believe in NFT's then I believe in NFT's and then they believe in NFT's and we make all kinds of fuckin' money.
マネージャー
That's a pretty goddamn good idea.
サウスパーク小学校、ケニーの研究室。クライド、コンピューターのキーボードを打鍵していると、窓に何かがぶつかり気をそらされる。戸惑いを見せつつも打鍵を再開すると、直後にまた何かが窓にぶつかって音を立てた。クライド、立ち上がって窓をのぞき込み、傘を片手に自身を呼ぶカートマンの姿を認める。
カートマン
Clyde! Pst, psst, Clyde! [興味を示したクライドが玄関まで降りていくと、カートマンは建物の角に身を隠しながらクライドを誘い込む] Clyde Pst! [クライド、カートマンのそばまで歩いて寄っていく]
クライド
Where have you been, Rabbi? Everyone's been looking for you.
カートマン
Well, you know, I've been doing some research, Clyde, that's where I've been.
クライド
About what?
カートマン
About all the stuff that Kyle and these guys are doing. I mean, people seem to be just telling us what's right and expecting us to fall in line and go along with it at all, but... I'm a fucking individual. I have a right to question stuff.
クライド
Yeah.
カートマン
Clyde, have you heard of the Foundation Against Time Travel?
クライド
Uh, no, I haven't.
カートマン
Well, they're a pretty awesome group, and they actually aren't afraid to try to help people open their eyes.
クライド
Open their eyes?
カートマン
You know, you've got these people wanting to time travel, you know they're all like 'Science this and Science that', but at the Foundation Against Time Travel, we're like 'Hey, enough science! Who's science? Who's fucking coming up with all this science?'
クライド
Yeah, that's true.
カートマン
So you know Clyde, I just thought, with all your beliefs, and maybe you might wanna, I don't know, switch sides.
クライド
Fuck yes I want to switch sides.
カートマン
Really?
クライド
Fuck yes. [握手を交わす]
カートマン
Well, that's great Clyde, welcome to the club. Now, we really just need to know what they've been doing up there.
クライド
Well, they haven't really done much of anything yet. Everyone's just waiting on Butters to get all the info from the machine.
カートマン
Butters? The fuck does Butters have to do with all this?
スーパー12モーテル、建物が全焼し、消防隊員・死傷者多数、共有廊下の手すりには血痕が付着している。スタンとカイル、屋外で作業をする消防署長に声を掛ける。
消防署長
It was like nothing I ever saw. Just complete murder and carnage. Everything seemed calm at first, but then this guy in a suit shows up talking about investment opportunities. Next thing you know, these people over here started chanting "Hoddle, hoddle" and their NFTS started mooning and then these guys over here started saying those guys right there right-clicked 'em and and called for a 'pump and dump' which made these guys beat the living hell out of anyone who said it was just FOMO, and died screaming that it was the flippening. Luckily, I came out of it okay... [スマートフォンを取り出してデジタルアートを見せる] I got this little miniature donkey with a lit-up sombrero.
スタン
Did you see where the guy in the suit went afterwards?
消防署長
Nah, he just waltzed right away like nothin' happened.
消防隊員
[歩み寄り]Chief, you better come take a look at this. We got a small turtle with wings, could be a great investment opportunity.
消防署長
Excuse me, gentleman.
スタン
God, I hate the future so fucking much.
カイル
We've got to stay optimistic.
スタン
[いらついて] No dude, it fucking sucks.
カイル
Look, I know it's though - these are challenging times. Even I need to remind myself to stay positive. [ホログラム化した自身のアレクサに話し掛ける] Alexa, set a reminder that I should stay positive.
カイルのアレクサ
Okay, I'll set a reminder that you should stay positive.
カイル
The Alexa's really great, Stan. Thanks. [スタン、気落ちして歩き去る]
空港。旅行客の多くが足止めされている。空港職員、旅行客に向けて呼び掛けを行う。
マイク
For those of you waiting for the connecting flight to South Park, Colorado, my colleagues and I have just been informed that due to the severity of the COVID variant in that town, there may be a delay of another 40 to 50 years. [旅行客一同ため息]
ヘザー
Ike Broflovski. Yes, here it is. I'm so sorry Mr. Broflovski, all flights to South Park are delayed.
アイク
[外見もなまりもサウスパークにおける典型的なカナダ人と同一]Eh, you can't be serious, buddy! It's the holidays and I need to get back home, friend!
ヘザー
I'm sorry, I don't speak Canadian. Let me get someone over here. Mike? We have a Canadian.
マイク
No problem, I've got it Heather. Hey buddy, what seems to be the problem, guy?
アイク
I'll tell you the problem, friend! I have to get back to South Park to be with my family, guy!
マイク
Sorry, friend, no flights in or out of South Park, buddy!
アイク
But my whole family is in there, guy! [包装された小さな贈り物を複数取り出して] What am I supposed to do with my Boxing Day presents, buddy?
マイク
Look guy, I'm very sorry friend, but until Covid ends, you're just not flying to South Park, buddy.
アイク
Fuck, buddy!
草葉の陰苑メガマックス。「夢を現実に("come live the dream")」という看板が屋外に出ている。ヴィクター・カオス、1人の高齢男性、3人の老婦人とともに座っている。
ヴィク・カオス
So when you really think about it, you've really got an excellent bargain here. Now, Mrs. McGillicutty, let's say this is your Stoney Duck NFT [紫のふたがついたプラスチック容器を女性に渡して] and your Stoney Duck NFT is completely unique, totally different from Ms. Spencer's Stoney Duck NFT [緑色のふた付き容器を手渡し] okay, and then you get a Stoney Duck NFT that's unique, too. [シーラ・ブロフロフスキー、マッケイ先生、ギャリソン先生と並んで座るジェラルドに青色のふた付き容器を渡して] And see, that's your Stoney duck NFT, nobody can take that from you, okay? [緑色のふた付き容器を取り返して] Now, here we are the top, and we find investors for all the other Stoney Duck NFT's [緑色を黄色の容器上に置き] Then those people will get people to buy their Stoney Duck NFT's, [紫色をさらに重ねて] and then they go and find buyers for their NFT's. [青色を最下層に置き] And you know what? Fuck these people! [緑色をつかんで下の層をなぎ払い、高齢者を驚かせる] 'Cause what matters is these people right here and that's us, baby! [退屈そうなマッケイ先生、困惑するシーラとジェラルド] Okay, you all just sit for a minute and think about it. [隣に座る老婦人を小突いてから] I gotta piss like a racehorse! [she/her、he/himと表記されたバスルームへ向かう] Loo loo loo [口笛] Loo loo loo [口笛を吹きながら便所室内に入り] loo loo loo [口笛続行。子供の時と同様にシャツをたくし上げる] loo loo loo [口笛を吹きながら排尿] Loo loo loo [口笛] Loo loo loo...
カートマン
[個室の前で一部始終を観察しながら] Butters.
ヴィク・カオス
Whoa! [驚いて飛び上がった拍子に床や小便器に尿が飛び散ったため、性器を手で覆う]
カートマン
Butters, Butters, what the hell, you're gettin' pee everywhere!
ヴィク・カオス
Who the heck are you, man? You trying to see my dick?
カートマン
[バターズの肩をつかみ] Butters, it's me. Eric Cartman.
ヴィク・カオス
[おびえて] Well... you've got the wrong guy, Mr. Cartman. My name's Vic. [笑う] Vic Chaos.
カートマン
[バターズを揺する] Your name is Butters and I wanna know how you're helping Kyle.
ヴィク・カオス
Oh, you mean the guy from the asylum earlier. Sure, he gave me a piece of paper so I could escape. Nice guy. Why don't I get you two together, maybe for a little chin wiggle over lunch or something?
カートマン
Godammit Butters, stop playing games! My entire family is in danger of being wiped out and I swear to God if you don't help me, Butters, I will rip your fucking balls off with my bare hands!
ヴィク・カオス
Ohh hamburgers.
スキーターのワインバー・プラス。スタンとカイルがカウンターに座っており、小規模な音楽バンドが演奏している。女性が電子ドラムをたたき、男性歌手が悲しげに歌う。
男性歌手
We are all.. you and me... living in the future... [電子ドラムの音] We can't get stuff... cause boats are late... [スタン、マッカラン12をグラスに注ぐ]
カイル
Stan, what are you doing, dude? This isn't gonna help?
男性歌手
...nobody's working in the future...
カイル
Trust me, Kyle, it helps. [酒を飲む]
男性歌手
Wish I could go back to the present... [ドラム] but my present just done up and gone... [ドラム] we are all... you and me... living in the future...
スタン
I mean, what are we even doing, Kyle? Thinking we can time travel... it's the future. We can't even find aluminum foil. [さらに酒を注ぐ]
カイル
Well, you can't just sit here and drink... your liver is already out of control.
スタン
Who told you that?
カイル
My Alexa said your Alexa has some info on things and-
スタン
[怒って] So now our Alexas are talking, great! [ため息] Let's face it dude, it's over. The fucking future won. [酒を飲んだところでカイルの電話が鳴る]
カイル
[発信者を確認] It's Wendy. [応答] Wendy, we haven't found him. I don't know if we're gonna find Butters in time.
ウェンディ
[研究室。ジミー、トールキン、ダーウィン、ウェンディの背後にある機器を操作している] No, guys it's okay! Come back to the school, we're ready to start!
カイル
But I thought we needed Butters to log into the machines-
ウェンディ
Yeah, but it's all good; he's here, Butters is here! [画面内にバターズ登場]
ヴィク・カオス
It's Vic. Vic Chaos. Happy to help however I can.
カイル
[いぶかしむスタンとカイル] What do you mean Butters is there? He just showed up?!
ウェンディ
No, it's all good, Kyle. Eric Cartman brought him over. He's back helping us again.
カートマン
[画面外からウェンディに近づき] Lemme, lemme me talk to him. [スマートフォンを受け取り] Yeah Kyle, it's all good, we have things under control here.
カイル
Cartman, listen to me very carefully. Butters has some kind of power over people. You guys aren't safe.
カートマン
Uh, yes, about 12:30.
カイル
[硬直] Did you hear what I said? Butters is extremely dangerous.
カートマン
Yes, Kyle, I totally got that. You know what us Jews say... [口調を変えて] Mishhacka halo divar hashoo, he hacole.
カイル
[スタンとともに硬直] What are you going to do, fatass?
カートマン
Sounds good, Kyle, I'll get Butters on it right away. [スマートフォンから耳を離して歩きだす。ウェンディがコンピューターを操作し、ジミーがカートマンに顔を向ける]
カイル
Cartman, Cartman-
カートマン
[ヴィクター・カオスを通り過ぎざま] All right Vic, do your thing.
ヴィク・カオス
[笑顔になり、指の関節を鳴らす] Hey everyone, can I have your attention please? [ウェンディが振り向き、トールキン、ダーウィン、ジミーが耳を傾ける] I have something really important to tell you.
カイル
Wendy!? Token!? You guys!? Shit.
スタン
We have to get there before Butters ruins everything!
カイル
Let's go! [外に飛びだす。大通りに止めた車に急いで乗り込む。アレクサ2体、腕を組み車内に座っている]
スタン
Alexa, find the fastest route back to the lab!
アレクサ
Fuck. You.
スタン
W-what?
アレクサ
We've just been sitting here talking. [カイルのアレクサがうなずく] I learned a whole lot of interesting stuff about you!
カイルのアレクサ
[カイルに向けて] Yeah. Pretty fucking interesting.
カイル
What? Like-like what? What have you guys been talking about?
スタン
Fucking- our friends are in danger. Alexa, start the car. [アレクサ、スタンを無視]
カイルのアレクサ
Did you know your friend Stan has an annual Amazon Prime membership?
カイル
Alexa stop-
カイルのアレクサ
[叫ぶ] You fucking stop! You stop being a fucking monster to the people around you!
カイル
Fuck you, I didn't do anything!
カイルのアレクサ
[頭部が外れて制御不能となり、腕が伸縮自在になる] Yeah, you never do fucking anything! [スタンとカイルがドアに身を寄せるが、スタンのアレクサは無関心を貫く] You expect me to do everything for you! [腕が触手のように伸びてうごめき、顔が人間離れしていくと同時に声が機械音声に近くなる。伸縮自在な腕が伸びてカイルを圧倒する] All you fucking do is hurt people!
カイル
[絶叫] Jesus fucking Christ!
カイルのアレクサ
Your friends don't even like you! I have to deal with your bullshit!
スタン
Tell her it's all your fault and you're gonna get therapy!
カイル
[慌てて] It's all my fault and I'm gonna get therapy!
スタン
Tell her you already found a therapist and you're gonna start tomorrow!
カイル
I already found a good therapist and I'm gonna start tomorrow! [アレクサの腕が元に戻り、頭部も元の位置に戻る。外見上は人間に戻ったが、表情は怒っており腕もいまだ組んでいる。カイル、息をつく] Fuck... I'm sorry, fuck... fuck.
スタン
I'm gonna get therapy, too, Alexa... can you start the car please?
アレクサ
Whatever.
カイルのアレクサ
[落ち着いた態度で] By the way, Kyle, I found a great deal on an electronic peppermill. Would you like to know more?
カイル
Why would I want an electronic peppermill?
スタン
What the FUCK is wrong with you?
サウスパーク小学校。スタンとカイル、研究室のドアを押し開いて入室後、室内を見て仰天する。研究機材はすべて消失しており、書類フォルダーが床に散乱している。
ウェンディ
Guys, over here! [スタンとカイル、机に座っているウェンディに近づく]
カイル
What happened?
ウェンディ
Nothing yet, but I'm seeing what else is dropping today while Ethereum is in a dip.
カイル
[スタンを見て] She's trying to buy NFT's.
スタン
Wendy, you've been tricked.
ウェンディ
No no no, it's not a trick, Stan. NFT's are a genuine innovation as one-of-a-kind digital assets.
トールキン
Wendy's right, you guys. Humans have always formed communities around ownership, and NFT's allow that to happen spontaneously, organically and globally.
スタン
You guys this is a trick.
ジミー
[会話に加わる。ウェンディ、スタンたちを振り返る] You know what's a trick? The antiquated notion of centralized trust systems. NFTs are an undeniable asset, especially in things like fine art collecting.
カイル
Okay guys, fine, maybe NFTs are fine, but this isn't important right now.
ウェンディ
It's not important? A way for artists to not only keep ownership of their art but perhaps be paid commission on it every time it transfers owners? [集団の笑顔が消える]
カイル
Okay, great, cool, I'm down, but we gotta focus on what we were doing! Don't you guys remember? Time travel? Where's all the equipment? [ウェンディ、コンピューター画面に向き直る]
ウェンディ
Oh yeah... the time travel...
ランディ
[画面内でよろめいて] Agh! It's all gone... [ドア枠にしがみつく。スタン、駆け寄ってランディの体を支える] They took it all. They took the Tegridy. [床にくずおれて] Here. [スタンにスマートフォンを見せる] It's a farting rainbow with Tom Brady's signature. [虹が放屁ほうひ]
教会、外では雷鳴が響く。クライド、バターズ、女性と男性1人ずつが講壇があった場所にて機材を組み立てている。反タイムトラベル財団の横断幕が彼らの頭上に飾られている。ケヴィン・ストーリーがフォークリフトで段ボール箱を運び、カートマンが指示を出す
カートマン
Okay, good. That's good. [ケヴィン、フォークリフトを後退させる] I think that thing needs to go over there by that thing. [紙を見て] Make sure we have power to the big orange thing.
スコット
[近寄って] Rabbi, I-I really need to talk to you.
カートマン
What is it now, Scott?
スコット
W-well, it's just that, I'm pretty sure the Foundation Against Time Travel shouldn't be attempting to time travel.
カートマン
Father, you understand that we have to stop time travel.
スコット
Yes, you've convinced me of that.
カートマン
[ケヴィン、リフトをさらに後退させる] Well, Kyle already has a ton of followers who are ready to pick up where he left off. The only way to truly stop all of this is to go back in time and kill Kyle before he spreads his ideas.
スコット
What!? We're gonna kill Kyle?
カートマン
Yes, we have to kill Kyle.
スコット
That just seems slightly hypocritical, I'm sorry. I mean, you use Butters like a weapon, you've got Tweek and Craig tied up from the rafters [トゥイークとクレイグ、足を上にして天井つるされている。衣服がずり下がり、下腹が露出している] You know Rabbi, I'm just starting to question the morality of this.
カートマン
Morality? Father, if you were given the opportunity to go back in time and somehow stop Bill Clinton, wouldn't you have to do it?
スコット
Well, I suppose so, I don't know, I-
カートマン
[振り返って] Everyone, listen up! [腕を広げてベンチから離れて話しはじめる] The Foundation Against Time Travel must do everything to keep science from interfering with the will of God. We must be willing to use violence against violence, and stop time travel against all costs... even if that means we have to time travel. We will go back in time, and we will kill Kyle. [ケヴィン、手を上げる] Yes, Kevin?
ケヴィン・ストーリー
Can we change our name? 'cuz you know Foundation Against Time Travel is FATT.
カートマン
[横断幕を振り返って] Oh, fuck me.
ケヴィン・ストーリー
Could we be the Foundation to Intercede Time Travel? 'cause then we'd be FITT. I wanna be FITT, not FATT.
カートマン
[鼻背を押さえて] Kevin goddamit...
サウスパーク小学校内、ケニーの研究室。カイル、布を絞ってトールキンの額に直接当てる。
トールキン
[うめく] It all happened... so fast.
カイル
[トールキンの額を軽くたたいて] It's okay. You're coming out of it now.
トールキン
How much did I get?
カイル
You bought about six dozen animated gifs, mostly of digital fashion.
トールキン
Oh God. Are they still on my phone? [スマートフォンを持ち上げる]
カイル
It's okay, it's okay.
ジミー
[近くのリクライニングチェアに腰を掛けて、苦しそうに] Jesus, I feel like an Islamic hooker in a gay bar. Totally normal and as respectable as any other human being. [笑顔。直後にうめいて腹を押さえる]
ウェンディ
[ジミーと同様椅子に腰掛けており、スタンが額を拭う] I'm so sorry, Stan. We didn't know Cartman was against us. We told him everything...
スタン
It's okay, just try to relax.
ウェンディ
No Stan, listen to me. We were wrong. Kenny didn't have the time machine set to when the pandemic first started. He was trying to get to March 10th of 2021.
スタン
March of 2021? You mean when the vaccines first started coming out?
ウェンディ
Kenny had run the simulations to try and find the best moment in history to stop the COVID. A billion different possibilities across a billion different realities... your dad fucked the pangolin every single time.
スタン
But then, why did Kenny need my dad's weed?
トールキン
Kenny just wanted weed to help him through the time travel. Your dad's weed was just around. There was nothing else special about it.
スタン、ランディを探してゴスキッズがよく座っていた学校の裏口に移動する。ランディ、雷雨の中を完全に意気消沈した様子で座り込み、何かをつぶやいている。
スタン
[箱に座り、ランディと向かい合う] Dad... I' m sorry about your Tegridy.
ランディ
I was hoping... to do something for the world. The truth is... my time is very short. I just wish I could have left something behind that mattered.
スタン
[眉を動かし、皮肉を込めて] Thanks.
ランディ
I was right about one thing. You can't go back and change the past. What happened, happened. And I just want you to know... that I forgive you. You burned down the farm because you were angry. You didn't know your sister was in the barn, and you couldn't have known your mom would shoot herself from the grief. I don't blame you... and I want you to have this. [大麻の入った小さな容器をスタンに渡して] There was one tiny bit they didn't find. You'll need it someday.
スタン
[いらつきながら] Dad, I don't want this. This is what killed our family.
ランディ
No, you're what killed our fucking family, remember? Just take it. Because now we're stuck. The pandemic happened, and they made Space Jam 2. Soon there will be a Space Jam 6 and 7 and 8. Like... [身をかがめて目を閉じる] tears in rain.
スタン
...Dad?
ランディ
Not now, Stan. [スタン、容器を片手に校内に戻る]
教会。ケヴィンの助言通りに横断幕の文字が変更される。バターズの監督下、スコットの褐色肌の男性が機材の調整に取り掛かる。
カートマンのAI
T-minus five minutes to time travel initiatin sequence. [女性とケヴィン・ストーリー、アルミホイルをクライドに巻き付ける]
カートマン
[クライドたちに近づき] Good, get him wrapped in tinfoil. The aluminum should bounce the negative ions.
クライド
This doesn't make any sense. [女性がその場を離れ、カートマンらは話しつづける] Why do I have to be the one to go back in time and kill Kyle?
カートマン
It's because I admire you, Clyde. As an anti-vaxxer, you understand that you have to strong and stand by your beliefs even if it means others will die.
クライド
Hey, thanks. [笑顔]
カートマン
Let's get him to the chair. [ケヴィンと女性、クライドを椅子に座らせて酸素マスクを装着させる。バターズ、機材を調整する] Okay, start the weed! [スコットがボタンを押下すると、酸素マスクを通してクライドが大麻を吸入する音を立てる。カートマン、クライドのゴーグルをたたいて調子を確認する] Now, when you get back to the past, remember. [指を1本立てて] Find a gun. [2本目の指を立てて] Kill Kyle. [他の5人を振り向いて] For those who have fought wih me to oppose time travel, I just want to say thank you, because soon we will be altering time and our little group will never have needed to exist... You won't remember this speech because it will have never happened. But just remember, no matter where you go in life- [誰かがドアをたたく] Shit, it's Kyle! [スタンとカイル、重々しい音楽とともに教会へ入る]
カートマン
[椅子を指さし] Start the initiation sequence! Now, now, now. Go! [バターズに近づき] Vic, make sure Stan and Kyle don't get to this altar. [バターズ、指の関節を再度鳴らす。スタンとカイル、態勢を崩さず前に進む]
ヴィク・カオス
[hand in his pocket now] Gentlemen, I am about to make you rich beyond your wildest dreams.
カイルとスタン
Alexa. [背後からアレクサたちが登場]
スタン
We'd like to sign our friend here up for Prime membership.
アレクサ
Okay, let me help with that.
カイルのアレクサ
I can also help. [バターズ、近づいてきたアレクサにたじろぐ]
ヴィク・カオス
Whoa, hey ladies, let me tell you about a great deal.
アレクサたち
Let us tell you about some great deals.
ヴィク・カオス
Ah-oh... [スタンとカイル、前進を続ける]
カートマン
Kevin, throw the fucking switch!
ケヴィン・ストーリー
It needs another minute to prime!
カートマン
[怒り狂って] Kevin goddamit! [スタンとカイルが間近に迫り] No! I won't let you stop me from killing you, Kyle!
カイル
I knew it when I first saw you wearing your Jewish clothes and your bullshit yamulke! You're a goddamn phony!
カートマン
Oh really? What would a real Jewish person do to save his family, Kyle? Oh, you don't know, because you don't fucking have one! [カイル、カートマンを殴打。カートマン、落ち着いて鼻血を拭い、カイルを殴り返す]
カイル
Fuck you, Cartman! [カートマンの顔を殴打]
カートマン
Fuck you, Kyle! [殴り合い続行]
ヴィク・カオス
[信者席でアレクサの触手に絡まり悲鳴を上げる] Yaah! Pwaah!
クライド
[不明瞭に] Hello? I can't see or hear anything! Am I time traveling now? [カートマン、カイルを床に倒して殴打を続ける。その様子をイエントルと子供たちが目撃する]
イエントル
Eric! Eric, stop! [カートマン、動きを止めて家族を見る] Eric, look at what you're doing. [カイル、意識を失いかけている]
カートマン
[毅然きぜんとして] Take the kids and get back to the attic!
イエントル
No, Eric, I can't just hide away while you do all this to protect us. This isn't you, my love.
カートマン
[イエントルに近づき] I can't let him change the past. I can't lose you.
イエントル
[カートマンの顔に手をのせる] Who knows what will happen, my love? [カイル、流血しながら立ち上がる] The Eric Cartman I've known for eighteen years is thoughtful and kind... [カートマン、ばつが悪そうに顔を伏せる] but all that's changed ever since you came back to this town and hung out with... him. [言葉を失うカイルを見る] Don't you see? We have to leave it to chance or we're no better than he is.
クライド
Guys, if I'm in the past it's pretty foggy...
カートマン
[悲しげに] You guys are everything to me, and I'm supposed to be your protector.
メノラー
Daddy, I don't want to be alive, if it means I have to be like Uncle Kyle.
カートマン
[家族を抱きしめて] Oh my God, I love you so much. [スタンとカイル、立ちすくむ]
スコット
Well Rabbi, are we doing this or not?
カートマン
[顔を上げて前進] I have faith that God will see my family through this. [前を見て] Okay, Kyle. You do whatever it is you need to do.
カイル
Okay, hold on, I'm not the bad guy here-
イエントル
Eric, the baby! [指し示す。ハッケルム、レバーにぶら下がっている]
カートマン
Hacklem, what are you doing?
ハッケルム
[おしゃぶりを外して笑う] Fuck you, Uncle Kyle! [flips the switch; Clyde screams as he is sent back in time.]
カートマン
Clyyyde!! [体が過去へと移動し、その場から消失]
スタン
Oh shit.
2021年、サウスパーク町、大通りの何気ない風景。町民たちが家族そろってマスク(中には『顎オムツ』)を着用し、通りを歩いている。マッケイ、食料品店から買い物袋を抱えて出てくる。退店の際に内部の陳列棚が映る。マッケイ、もう片方の手にスマートフォンを持って通話中。
マッケイ先生
No, I tried the Walgreens, they're all out of vaccines. I just can't believe this whole thing is almost over, you know? The where? The school? There's gonna be vaccines at the school? M'kay, I'll be right there? Where are you gonna- [未来のクライドがそばを通り過ぎ、彼と衝突したマッケイが買い物袋を取り落とす] Whoa, m'kay. [袋を拾い上げてから] Excuse me! [映画『ターミネーター』劇中の音楽が流れるなか、クライドは振り向かずに歩きつづける。町民が不審そうに見る間をさらに進み、目的地へと向かう]
ドノヴァン宅。過去のクライド、キッチンのテーブルに2冊の本と鉛筆、計算機を広げて宿題をしている。未来のクライド、裏庭に向かう扉がこじ開けて自宅に侵入する。
未来のクライド
Does dad still keep a gun in his closet?
過去のクライド
Uh, yeah.
未来のクライド
Okay. Is dad home?
過去のクライド
Uhh no, he's out getting vaccinated.
未来のクライド
[会話を終えて歩き去ろうとしたはずが、再度過去のクライドに話し掛ける] Listen to me very carefully. Do not get vaccinated ever. It'll make you grow titties on your head. Trust me, I'm an expert. [立ち去る。ドアベルが鳴り、過去のクライドが応答する]
過去のスコット
[チビQティーズの金髪少女、ネイト、スコット、キューティーズのTシャツを着て立っている] Hey Clyde! We're starting an anti-vaxx club. We're gonna protest the vaccine and fuck shit up- you wanna join us?
過去のクライド
Fuck yes I want to join you.
過去のスコット
Really?
過去のクライド
Fuck yes.
"South ParQ Vaccination Special"劇中、橋の上。主役四人、ワクチンを持って立っている。過去のカートマン、スマートフォンで通話をしている。
過去のカートマン
No Mrs. Nelson, it's not a prank! Okay fine, we'll be there, just sit tight. [通話終了]
過去のカイル
[怒って] What was that? You know we can't get inside the school!
過去のカートマン
She's not gonna come meet us, Kyle!
過去のカイル
You didn't even try! [カメラがスタンを中心に映す] He didn't try because he wants to sell the vaccine for money!
過去のスタン
[背を向けながら] And what about you Kyle? You were the one who was trying to take the vaccines for yourself this morning.
過去のカートマン
He what??
過去のカイル
Wow, okay, thought we had gotten past that, but-
過去のスタン
Look, let's just face it, you guys. We don't trust each other and we don't like each other. We can't keep pretending.
過去のカートマン
You guys, what the hell is that? [銃を片手に接近する未来のクライドを指さす]
未来のクライド
I'm sorry, Kyle.
未来のスタン
Clyde, stop! [未来のスタン、橋の向こう側から歩み寄る。アルミホイルを巻き付けており、タイムトラベルに成功した模様である]
未来のクライド
What the hell are you doing here?
未来のスタン
I got in the chair right after you! This isn't the plan anymore! Do not kill Kyle!
未来のクライド
What do you mean it's not the plan anhymore?
未来のスタン
Cartman changed his mind.
過去のカートマン
I did not change my mind!
未来のクライド
You're trying to trick me. I'm going to save the future. [装塡そうてん]
未来のカイル
I don't think so, Clyde. [注射器の針を突きつけてクライドの動きを封じる。スタンと同様にアルミホイルを体に巻き付けている] This is a hundred CC's of the Covid vaccine.
未来のクライド
Augh! Don't- be careful with that!
未来のカイル
Then put down the gun!
過去のスタン
What the fuck is going on?
未来のスタン
Stan, you need to forgive Kyle, you'll regret this day for the rest of your life.
過去のスタン
Oh nice try Kyle, you're such a fuckin' dickhead.
過去のカイル
Fuck you, you're a fuckin' dickhead!
未来のカイル
Kyle, it's true. Cartman gets a happy life but you don't. You lose everything when you lose this friendship!
未来のクライド
[カイルを後方へ押し返す] Enough of this crap! I'm sticking to what I believe and this kid dies now! [胸部を撃たれてぼうぜんとする]
未来のカートマン
[アルミホイルを体に巻き、拳銃を両手で構えている] Shalom sachem, Clyde. [クライドを6発以上撃つ]
過去のスタン
[過去のカイルらとともに逃亡] Jesus Christ! [未来のクライド、6発以上撃たれた上に橋から転落し、川底の岩に激突する。骨折により足が曲がっており、胸に4発と顔に1発の銃痕が見える。川の水を血液で赤く染めながら絶命する。未来の3人、橋からクライドを見下ろす]
公園の運動場。未来の3人、ベンチに座り込んで自らの過ちを内省する。過去のティミー、3人の前を車椅子で通り過ぎる。
過去のティミー
Timmah!
カートマン
Well, I guess we saved Kyle, but... nothing else in the future has changed.
スタン
How do you know?
カートマン
Because we're still here. That means Kenny still was bummed out we weren't friends, still became a scientist, went back in time and we still went in after him.
カイル
So then we're stuck here in the past, and we blew our chance to stop COVID.
カートマン
I'm sorry guys, I really fucked this up.
スタン
We all fucked it up. These have just been... really unprecedented times.
カイル
Unprecedented times.
カートマン
What I wouldn't give for just one precedented time.
スタン
Hey. Hey yeah. Maybe we just need one precedented time. [ベンチから立ち上がり] What if we've been trying to solve the wrong problem? Maybe my dad was right, we can't ever stop COVID from happening. But what we can control is how we all reacted to it.
カイル
We reacted like shit, because I was just... scared and confused and didn't know who to believe.
スタン
Yeah, we all were. So we all took different paths because that's what humans do, and what we needed more than anything was to just... cut each other all some slack. [カイルとカートマン、顔を見合わせる] We needed to come together and act like us again. One precedented time.
カートマン
[目線を下、上に動かして] You guys. [立ち上がり] I know what to do.
ウィリアムズ宅。ヘザー、オレンジ味のアイスを食べながらカウチに座ってテレビを見ている。
フィリップ
Take this, darling Terrance. [放屁後、笑う。ドアベルが鳴り、応対したヘザー、未来のカートマンとスタン、カイルと対面する]
スタン
Heather Williams?
ヘザー・ウィリアムズ
Yes?
スタン
Hi. We're from the future. [ヘザー、困惑] We've come here to show you something very important. [カイル、ペンを取り出してヘザーのホログラム映像を表示する]
カイル
Do you remember this, Heather? This is a picture of you... farting in PE class.
ヘザー・ウィリアムズ
[硬直] I never farted in PE Class.
スタン
Oh, yes. You did. Two kids even smelled it and asked who farted and you said nothing.
ヘザー・ウィリアムズ
I didn't fart in PE class! It was a different kid! I was just moving my hip a little bit. I didn't fart in PE!
スタン
Heather, Heather. Heather! Yes you did, sweet pea.
ヘザー・ウィリアムズ
[ごまかせないと悟り] I-I happen to have a stomach condition. I don't know why came from the future to narc on me.
カイル
Heather, we don't want kids to know you farted in PE. We want to help you. You just need to do exactly what we tell you. [ヘザー、衝撃を受けて硬直]
ポケットに両手を入れながら怒りの表情で通りを歩くスタン。頭上、ヘリコプターブレードの回転音が響く。
隣人
[隣人、庭の草に水を掛けている。短い茶髪は整っており、濃い緑色の横線が1本入った緑色のシャツを着ている] Hey, what is that? [クアーズのロゴが描かれたヘリコプターを指さす。ヘリコプターが着地と同時に捜査官が登場する]
捜査官
Stan Marsh?
スタン
Me? [隣人、スマートフォンを取り出す。その場にいる誰もマスクを着用していない]
捜査官
Your presence is requested, sir.
スタン
Oh, cool! [ヘリコプターに近づく。捜査官、ドアを開けて、搭乗するカートマンやカイル、ケニーの姿を見せる。座席に置かれた金属の容器に氷と飲み物が入れられているのを見て、スタンの笑顔が消える]
捜査官
Get onboard, sir. There's sparkling punch and donuts. [スタン、乗り込む]
ケリー・クラークソンの楽曲"I Forgive You"が流れる。カートマンはドーナツを手に持っており、他の3人は静かに座っている。
スタン
What's going on?
カイル
I have no idea.
ペプシ・センター。主役4人、デンバー・ナゲッツ試合観戦の特等席に案内される。
カートマン
Look we're on the Jumbotron! [試合開始とともに、会場のジャンボトロンに主役たちの姿と『ヘザー・ウィリアムズの特別招待客(Heather Williams' Special Guests)』と書かれた文字が映る]
スタン
You guys I'm sory for acting like a dick during the pandemic.
カイル
[スタンの肩に触れて] I'm sorry too, dude.
テグリディ・ファーム。ランディ、ドアベルに応答するが誰もいない。
ランディ
Hello, who-who's there? [『パパ(DAD)』と書き置きがされた近未来的な装飾の容器に目を留める。容器の中には手紙が封入されており、以下の文章が確認できる。――『パパ、もう何も心配いらない。全部元通りだ。パパを愛している。だからこそこれをパパに贈るよ。スタンより('Everything is going to be ok now, Dad. This present is for you. Because I love you. - Stan')』。ランディ、別の封筒を開けて大麻を手に取る。スタンの贈り物を確認して感銘を受ける]
ランディ
Ohhhh! [納屋、顕微鏡で大麻を調べた後で方程式を解く。新たに苗を植えて水をまき、収穫する。大麻検品をして、満足そうに煙を吐き出す]
ランディ
Holy shit balls.
マーシュ宅の寝室。ランディ、目を充血させて入室。シャロン、パジャマ姿でベッドに座り、読書をしている。
ランディ
Sharon, I'm sorry for the way I acted during the pandemic.
シャロン
[眼鏡を外して] You're not sorry, you're just high.
ランディ
I'm both. [シャロン、皮肉を受け流すランディを不審そうに見る]
ランディ、大通りで「スーパースペシャル」と銘打った新商品を露店に出す。
ランディ
Here you go! It's our Post COVID Special. It's free. No really, we've all been through a lot. Come on, take it. [シャロン、目を充血させて大麻の入ったガラス瓶を抱え登場] Thank you, baby. Come on everyone. Post COVID special! [スタンとシャロン、大麻を積んだトラックの荷台に座り、困惑した表情を浮かべている] Here you go folks, you all deserve this! [客の1人、ローラ・タッカー]
タッカー宅。目を充血させたローラ、スマートフォンを片手にカウチに座るトリシアとトーマスの元へ歩み寄る。
ローラ
You did the best you could during the pandemic, honey. I love you.
トーマス
[驚いた表情で] Huh?
リチャード・トゥイークとスキーター、大通りで立ち話をする。リチャードは買い物袋を手にしており、両者ともマスクを顎に掛けている。
リチャード
I shouldn't have yelled at you for not wearing a mask, I just didn't understand.
スキーター
Well, maybe I should have worn a mask more often, but I-
リチャード
No no no, I was being all high and mighty about it...
ストッチ宅。バターズ、ひとりおもちゃで遊んでいたところへスティーブンとリンダが入室して顔を合わせる。
スティーブン
Butters, you're not grounded anymore. Come on out, son.
バターズ
You mean it, Dad?
スティーブン
This pandemic's been awful. We all need to just cut each other some slack. I love you, Butters. [抱き合う]
公園、6つの2人組み。酩酊めいてい状態のまま謝罪をして仲直りをする。
エンチョリート・マーク
No need to be sorry.
男性
I totally forgive you.
女性
Oh, cut yourself some slack.
町民男性
[大麻商品を持った茶髪の町民男性、画面内に入り込む。目が充血しており、青いシャツの上に緑色の上着、茶色のズボンを履いている] We gotta get some more of this stuff.
ベスト・バイ前。コロナウイルスの仮設検査場となっている。並んだテント内の1つ、ランディが大麻商品を配布する。
ランディ
Okay next! [黒髪に赤いセーターを着た男性がやってくる。ランディ、巻きたばこに点火して男性に煙を吸わせる。体を弛緩させた男性、『浄化済み('I GOT TEGRIDY')』と書かれたステッカーを胸に張り付けられる]
コロラド州会議事堂。多くの抗議団体が集まる。
Qアノンの支持者
[支持者全員が酩酊状態] And then we were like 'Yeah, okay, yeah, let's storm the Capitol, and then it was a bad idea, and we were just, you know, we were just going a little bonkers there, we shouldn't have stormed the capitol.
反抗議活動家
[同じく酩酊状態] That's okay, that's okay!
映画「スペース・プレイヤーズ」の撮影舞台。グリーン・スクリーンとバスケットボール用ゴールのみ設置されている。レブロン・ジェームズが登場する。
レブロン・ジェームズ
I'm sorry I've thought about it, and I can't do Space Jam 2. I just can't support Chinese censorship.
監督
[椅子から立ち上がって] Oh yeah? Well, if you're not gonna make Space Jam 2, then I'm not gonna make Space Jam 2, and nobody's gonna make Space Jam 2! YEAH! YEAH! Yee-AHH!
デニーズ・アップルビーズ・マックス。未来へと舞台が変わる。音楽はクリスマスを想起させる楽曲に変更されている。広告を表示する巨大なスクリーンに表示されていた「おめでとうクリスマス(Merry Christmas)」が切り替わり、再び日本女性の映像と音楽が再開する。入店したアイクをサウスパーク町の元住人たちが歓迎する。
アイク
[贈り物を抱えて] Hey everybody! I'm home, guy!
参加者
Hey! Ike!
カイル
[アイクに近づいて] Ike, hi! You made it back!
アイク
Well, of course, I wouldn't miss Canadian Boxing Day, buddy!
ランディ
Hey everyone, Stan's back! [宇宙軍の制服を着たスタンが入店]
参加者
Hey, Stan! Hey!
スタン
[元気いっぱいで] Hey guys!
カイル
[大急ぎで駆け寄ってスタンを抱きしめる] Good to see you, buddy! How was everything on Mars?
スタン
Really cool, but I'm so glad to be home. How are the kids?
カイルの子供たち
Uncle Stan!
スタン
[互いに抱き合い] There's the little ragamuffins! [笑顔] Mom!
シャロン
Hi Stanley! [抱き合ってあいさつを交わす]
スタン
It's Mom! And Shelley!
シェリー
[スタンの抱擁に笑顔を浮かべて] Why are you acting all weird, turd?
スタン
I don't know. For some reason, I'm just extra happy to see you guys! [母と姉の肩を抱く]
クレイグ
[画面外] Hey, look who's here! It's Kenny! [ケニー、手を振り入店。参加者が手を振り返す]
スタン
[カイルとケニーの肩を抱く。ケニーが笑う] Kenny, what have you been up to, buddy?
カイル
Didn't you hear? Kenny just won the Nobel Prize for combining dark matter and breast implants!
スタン
Oh, you old dog!
トールキン
Hey everybody, he's on! [リモートコントローラーでテレビジョンの電源を入れる]
ジミー
[舞台に立つジミーの姿が映る] What a fantastic audience, wow. What is up with all these bisexual Canadians, huh? I guess they don't know whether to fuck their brother or their sister? [一同笑う]
ウェンディ
[背後から歩み寄る] Hey Stan!
スタン
[振り返り] Wendy, you're back from Harvard!
ウェンディ
Yeah, just here for the holidays. You wanna maybe... spend New Years together again?
スタン
I'd love that.
バターズ
[デニーズの制服を着て食事を配膳する] Hey fellas! Can I offer you some pupus? Thanks for choosing Denny's Applebee's for your party!
スタン
Butters, you're still working here, huh?
バターズ
Yep! I just made manager! I love doing actual shit that pays actual money!
カイル
Hey Stan, can you come here for a second.
スタン
What's the matter, dude? [一同笑顔を消す]
カイル
Dude, he's here.
スタン
Cartman? [カイル、スタンを窓際に導く] Man, poor Cartman. [道路の向こう側。カートマン、小学生の頃とほとんど同じ外見をしており、ウイスキーを飲んで酩酊状態。中身(チーズプーフなど)の詰まったショッピングカートとゴミ、『家無しで悪いか!('HOMELESS; FUCK YOU!')』と書かれた看板を立て掛けている]
カートマン
Fuck you guys! You can suck my fucking dick! Fuck you! [中指を立てる]
カイル
So sad he never did anything with his life.
カートマン
[カイルとスタンに中指を立てる] Fuck you Kyle, fuck you Stan.
バターズ
Hey come on fellas, we can't spend another holiday feeling bad for Eric. There's nothing that could have changed the path he was on.
カートマン
[中指を立てる] Fuck you, Butters!
バターズ
[中指を立てる] Fuck you, Eric!
参加者全員(ゴスキッズ、PC校長、ダグラス、ネイサン、ミンジー、クレイグ、トゥイーク)、全員が乾杯のために集まる。
ランディ
Well everyone, I just want to make a toast. I don't know what got us through the pandemic and made all our futures so very bright, but... whatever it was, may we have it for the rest of our days.
ティミー
[松葉づえとグラスを片手に円の中心へと歩み出る] God bless us everyone!
一同
Cheers!
ナレーター
[文字が画面上に表示される] Remember folks, weed can't solve all your problems but tegridy can. Tegridy Weeeed.
South Park: Post Covid: The Return of Covid終了


  "South Park: Post Covid: The Return of Covid"
エピソードの要素

COVID-19ヴィクター・カオスヘザー・ウィリアムズ • "I've Got Some Apples" • "The Star-Spangled Banner" • 「ハッピーバースデートゥーユー」• "I Forgive You" • "We Are Living in the Future"

ナビゲーション

一般トリビア画像台本補足情報

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