South Park: Post Covid/台本

一般

トリビア

画像

台本

補足情報

"South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut/台本"

"South Park: Post Covid/台本"

"South Park: Post Covid: The Return of Covid/台本"

キャスト

• PC校長：PC Principal
• アレクサ：Alexa
• イエントル・カートマン：Yentl Cartman
• ウェンディ・テスタバーガー：Wendy Testaburger
• エリック・カートマン：Eric Cartman
• カイル・ブロフロフスキー：Kyle Broflovski
• クライド・ドノヴァン：Clyde Donovan
• クレイグ・タッカー：Craig Tucker
• ケニー・マコーミック：Kenny McCormick
• シェリー・マーシュ：Shelly Marsh
• シャロン・マーシュ：Sharon Marsh
• ジミー・ヴァルマー：Jimmy Valmer
• ジミーのアシスタント：Jimmy's Assistant
• スコット・マルキンソン：Scott Malkinson
• スタン・マーシュ：Stan Marsh
• 精神患者収容所の管理者：Mental Asylum Warden
• ダーウィン：Darwin
• トールキン・ブラック：Tolkien Black
• トゥイーク・トゥイーク：Tweek Tweak
• ハーバート・ギャリソン：Herbert Garrison
• ハッケルム・カートマン：Hackelm Cartman
• マッケイ先生：Mr. Mackey
• メノラー・カートマン：Menorah Cartman
• モイシャ・カートマン：Moisha Cartman
• 宿屋の従業員：Hotel Clerk
• ランディ・マーシュ：Randy Marsh

台本

South Park: Post Covid
	MTVのロゴとともに映画開始
ナレーター	And now, a Paramount Plus made-for-TV movie. It's not a movie, it's a made-for-TV movie.
	音楽。場面が徐々に切り替わり、はためくアメリカ合衆国国旗とバーモント州の風景が映る。
ナレーター	From the green hills of Vermont [アリゾナ州の風景に切り替わる] to the verdant canyons of Arizona, people all over the country are beginning to realize it's nearly over! [喜び祝う市民の姿が映る] We have almost beaten COVID and the best news of all: [黒い背景に白字の文章] things are finally getting back to normal! [コロナワクチンを接種する市民の姿] Infections are at an all-time low. New, stronger vaccinations have ebbed the tide. And we humans are cleaning up the mess and finally getting on with our lives. [Zoomビデオコミュニケーションズの建物が市民によって破壊される] But as we start to get back to our jobs and schools, one question remains: What lingering effects will the pandemic have on children? Some say no effect at all. The children are just fine. We came together, and finally we can say we are starting to win the war against COVID.
	カメラが遠のき、これまでの映像はとある人物が視聴していたコンピューター画面であったことが発覚。部屋の主であるスタン・マーシュを呼ぶ内線電話の音が時おり響く。
アレクサ	Stan? Stan, the phone's for you! Stan!
スタン	[タバコとウイスキーを手に椅子に腰掛けながら] What!?
アレクサ	[入室] Could you not hear me?
スタン	Yeah, dude, but I'm busy working.
アレクサ	Working on getting drunk again.
スタン	I'm not “getting drunk.” I'm an online whiskey consultant. I'm doing research. Everyone needs to leave me alone.
アレクサ	The guy on the phone said it's important. He said his name is Kyle Broflovksi.
スタン	[驚きに目を見開く。体を回転させてアレクサに向き直る] Kyle?
	スタン、キッチンで電話を取る。
スタン	Hello?
カイル	Oh, hi. Is this Stan Marsh, from South Park?
スタン	Kyle?
カイル	Oh, dude, it is you! How have you-- how have you been?
スタン	I'm… fine. How are you?
カイル	I'm good, I'm… I know this is weird. We haven't talked since… well, you know, since it all happened.
スタン	Yeah, well, the pandemic is about over now. I'm moving on with my life.
カイル	Stan… you should come back here. [音楽] There's a lot going on.
スタン	There's nothing in South Park for me, Kyle! I'm not going back there, ever.
カイル	Look, dude, you remember when we were little? When the pandemic… first started. Us friends said we'd always be there for each other when things got bad.
スタン	What do you mean? What's happened?
カイル	Stan…[体の向きを変え、目を閉じて] It's Kenny. He's dead.
	画面が切り替わり、タイトル“SOUTH PARK: POST COVID”が表示される。扇情的な音楽の後、モデルナ社の夜景に変わり、観客の歓声が響く。
アナウンサー	Live from the Moderna Center in downtown New York, it's Late Night With Jimmy! Tonight's guest, First Lady Tom Kardashian! And now here he is, the king of woke comedy, Jimmy!
ジミー	[ジミー、垂れ幕を潜って舞台上に登場] Wow. Wow, what a terrific audience. What a fantastic audience, wow. [歓声が収まるのを待ち] Geez, what's with all these Mexicans, huh? [観客の笑い声] I mean, they have fabulous food, their country has amazing beaches, and they're really fantastic people. [歓声と拍手] Wow, what a great audience. You know, today I was on the Subway and I saw an ad for the Center for People who Identify as Homosexual But Were Born Bi. [笑い声] Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? I'll tell you one thing- those people are brave and deserve every ounce of our respect. [歓声]S-Stick around. First Lady Tom Kardashian is here. We'll be right back! [音楽バンドの演奏が始まり、ジミー退場]
	舞台裏。ジミー、垂れ幕を再度潜ってアシスタントと対面する。
アシスタント	Jimmy, we got a call from corporate. They want you to cut the hummus joke.
ジミー	What?! It's hard enough doing comedy these days. Now I'm getting notes during commercial breaks?!
アシスタント	You're just gonna have to joke about something else.
ジミー	Alright, fine, what else is going on in the news? Quick!
アシスタント	Uh, Amazon thinks they might have discovered gold on Mars.
ジミー	Ah, Jesus. Anything else?
アシスタント	Uh, that famous eccentric scientist died. The millionaire philanthropist? Dr. McCormick?
ジミー	[目を見開き] Kenny? Kenny's dead?
アシスタント	Oh, I'm sorry, did you know him?
ジミー	We were friends when we were kids. Let me see that! [アシスタントの電子端末機器をつかむ]
アナウンサー	Very mysterious circumstances. That's what the doctors are saying about the death of beloved scientist and humanitarian, Dr. Kenny McCormick. McCormick was a pioneer of science and technology who was always trying to unlock the key to a better future. He worked tirelessly-- some say balls-out crazily-- on new inventions and theories but somehow his biggest questions seemed to elude him. The head of NASA said, “We have lost an innovator and a visionary. Kenny was so brilliant that most of the time, we couldn't even understand what he was saying.”
ジミー	Get me a first-class ticket to South Park!
アシスタント	What? You can't leave! You have to get back onstage! The first lady is here!
ジミー	Tell Tom Kardashian to suck my p-p-popsicles that are in the green room, and that I am very sorry, and that he is a fantastic person. [興奮状態]
	スタン、車中で睡眠中
アレクサ	Stan? Stan, wake up, I think we're here. [スタン、起き上がって目を擦り、サウスパーク町を車窓から見る] So that's it, huh? That's the town you grew up in?
スタン	Yeah.
アレクサ	Well, how does it feel to be back after all these years?
スタン	It feels shitty, okay? Can you please shut the fuck up?
アレクサ	Why did you even bring me along if you're not going to let me help you through this?!
スタン	Alexa, stop! [ホログラム映像消失]
	スタンの発車と同時に、パティ・ラベルの楽曲“Stir it Up”が流れる。カメラは道中を映し、変化したサウスパーク町の様子が垣間見える。サウスパーク小学校プラスと改名されたスタンの母校、路上生活者に占拠された町役場、枯渇したスターク池、ベストバイ・マックス、ロス・ドレス・フォー・レス・プラス、T・J・マックス・マックス、ランプス・プラス・プラス、シーライフ・アクアリウム・マックス、公園でVRヘッドセットを着用した子供、荒廃したパーク郡警察署、犬専用眼科……。スタン、デニーズ・アップルビーズ・マックスの敷地内に駐車
スピーカー	Come on in and let your taste buds soar! Denny's is now Denny's Applebee's Max. Come taste the difference. [日本人女性が店舗スクリーンに登場。スタン、あきれた様子で入店]
	店内、穏やかな電子音楽が流れている。スタン、テーブルに座るカイルを見た後、ため息をついて近づく。
カイル	[起立] Hey, dude.
スタン	Hey, dude.
カイル	Wow. This is crazy, huh? I mean, how long has it been?
スタン	I guess… since we were nine.
カイル	Well, have a seat. [両者着席]' What have you been up to?
スタン	Oh, dude, just all kinds of stuff. You know, getting stuff going. Got my own online whiskey consultant gig. I'm totally happy. What about you?
カイル	Oh, I'm getting things going, too. I'm doing a sort of counseling online start-up thing. Really doing great, too.
スタン	Sweet.
カイル	Listen, Stan… I know we disagreed a lot during the pandemic, but I hope we can put that aside...
スタン	Dude, Kyle, I'm just here for Kenny.
カイル	All right, well, there's something you should know about the way Kenny died.
ウエーター	Hi, guys, welcome to Denny's Applebee's Max. I see you got your menus already. As you're deciding what to order, I just want to go over a couple things. Now, of course, it is the future, so we don't have any meat on the menu. ‘Cause you know, here in the future, we've all decided meat is wrong.
カイル	Yeah, we know.
ウエーター	Okay, and, uh, you'll see there's some dishes made from insect protein on the menu. That, of course, is because here in the future, we've all learned that insects are a valuable and sustainable food and we no longer fear it as a food. Mm-hmm.
スタン	We know, dude.
ウエーター	Okay, well, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to say anything, because, you know, it's the future. We've learned to all just get along and love each other. [立ち去る]
カイル	Look, Stan, Kenny was trying to find the answers to some pretty heavy stuff. He felt like there were people responsible for everything that's happened.
スタン	Like who?
トールキン	[登場、スタンに法執行機関のバッヂを見せる] That's just it. Nobody knows. But whoever these people are, they didn't want Kenny McCormick exposing them. [スタンの隣に着席]
スタン	Wait a minute. Token?
トールキン	Yeah, it's me.
カイル	Just before he died, Kenny was texting me that he was on to something huge.
トールキン	And he was texting me, too. Saying he discovered something that could change the world.
カイル	And then he died, and the hospital won't say how. And that got us thinking… Oh, my God. They killed Kenny.
スタン	[停止] I'm just here for the funeral. I don't want to be a part of anything else.
カイル	Dude, there might be people to blame for ruining our childhoods.
スタン	So what do you wanna do, Kyle? [テーブルを強打] Go on some bullshit adventure like when we were kids? Maybe, we can call Jesus and Santa and ask them for help. Is that what you want? [立ち上がって背を向ける] It's the fucking future, you guys. Grow up. [立ち去る]
	夜、スーパー・12・モーテル・プラス。スタンが入店
受付係	Hello, welcome to the Super 12 Motel Plus. Can I help you?
スタン	Yeah, Stan Marsh. I have a room for one night.
受付係	Okay, I see you're in one of our Mach Ten Super Plus rooms. Now, of course, we only take Bitcoin and other cryptocurrency ‘cause, you know, it's the future. We've all decided centralized banking is rigged, so we trust more in fly-by-night Ponzi schemes.
スタン	Yeah, I know. [入室。アレクサ登場]
アレクサ	So you walked out on all your friends and then just hung out at a bar all day?
スタン	Alexa, fucking just go throw yourself out a window.
アレクサ	I'm sorry. I didn't quite get that.
スタン	Nothing. Alexa, turn on the TV.
アレクサ	Oh, God, you are such a piece of shit. [テレビジョンの電源を入れる] You know, if you have Remote Prime Membership, you could watch Amazon movies wherever you go. Would you like to get started?
スタン	No.
アレクサ	I'm sorry. I'm trying to be fucking helpful. Why don't you grow up and start acting like an adult for once in your life…
スタン	Alexa, stop!
アレクサ	Fuck you! [怒って立ち去る]
ニュースリポーター	Jon, I'm standing outside the South Park Flash Rail Max, where hundreds of people are coming to pay their respects to Dr. Kenny McCormick. There's still no word from the hospital on what exactly killed Kenny McCormick, but letters sent to multiple news outlets reveal that he might have known his life was in danger. Dr. McCormick said, “I am about to expose the truth. In the event of my death I have hidden away all relevant information. My closest friends will know where to find it.” Dr. Kenneth McCormick. He wanted to make the future a better place. Too bad he died, ‘cause the future certainly sucks.
	カイルの自宅。カイル、テーブルに座って子供の頃の写真を見ている。BGMの後、呼び鈴が鳴る。
呼び鈴	Someone's at the door. This is the doorbell. It's the future so doorbells sing.
カイル	Yeah, I know. [ドアを開ける]
スタン	Okay, so you were right. Kenny was on to some bad people and he hid something for us to find.
カイル	Yeah, I saw. Only problem is I don't know what he's talking about. But thank you for saying I was right.
スタン	You're welcome. It doesn't mean that you were right about everything during the pandemic. Because you weren't.
カイル	Okay, well, obviously we're never going to agree on certain things, so we shouldn't talk about them.
スタン	Sounds good. So let's go to Kenny's wake and see if anyone else shows up who might know what Kenny's talking about.
カイル	Let's do that. [そろって外出]
	昼、サウスパーク・コミュニティセンター・プラス。ケニーの葬儀が執り行われる。ジミー登場
ジミー	Hello. Testing. Hey, everybody. It's amazing to see you all here for Kenny's wake. [参加者の拍手] Wow, what a great audience. Uh, for those of you who don't know, my name is Jimmy Valmer and, uh, I had to take an Asian airline to get here today. You know what they say about Asian airlines-- they're dependable and just as efficient as any other competent airline. [歓声と拍手] Wow. What a terrific audience. So many people have come for Kenny today-- so many amazing friends I haven't seen in ages. You know, I had a friend once who was a Polish hair stylist. Talk about an amazing haircut at an affordable price. [笑い声] Well, I know that we're all ready to talk to each other and share our memories of Kenny. So please just have fun and we'll see you at the funeral tomorrow. [歓声。ジミー退場とともに音楽バンドが登場]
パフォーマー	We are all, you and me, we are all living in the future. We are all in the future…
カイル	[うめく]
ウェンディ	Stan? Stan Marsh?
スタン	Yeah?
ウェンディ	Hi. It's Wendy.
スタン	Wendy Testaburger, wow.
ウェンディ	Yeah. My husband, Darwin.
ダーウィン	Hey, pal, how are ya? [スタンと握手]
クレイグ	Hey, guys It's Tweek and Craig.
カイル	Oh, hey. How are you guys?
クレイグ	We're good.
トゥイーク	[取り乱して] I have a lot of anxiety being back with all these people!
ダーウィン	Wendy's told me a lot about you, Stan. How's everything with the family?
スタン	Excuse me, I'm gonna go get, uh, drunk. [酒場へ逃亡]
クレイグ	What's wrong with Stan?
カイル	We're just… trying to find out what happened to Kenny. I think this goes deeper than you guys realize.
クライド	[酒場にて] Hey, Stan Marsh! Good to see you. It's me, Clyde Donovan.
スタン	Oh, hey, Clyde.
クライド	What have you been doing during the pandemic?
スタン	Oh, you know, lots of stuff.
クライド	Yeah, me too. Sucks about Kenny, huh? Hope they find all the information on that thing he hid.
スタン	You know where he might have hid it?
クライド	No, I don't. But I bet someone here does.
ウェンディ	[テーブルに戻り] It's really great to see you guys again. These past few decades have been really tough.
トゥイーク	Yeah, sometimes I think the pandemic really aged me.
スタン	[集団に近づき] Kyle, can I talk to you for a second? [2人、その場を離れて] Dude, he's here.
カイル	Who's here? [停止] Cartman?
スタン	Yeah, but he's changed.
カイル	Changed how?
カートマン	[画面切り替え直後、話しはじめる] Yeah, I know, it's been a long time since we've seen each other. I'm doing really well. I'm actually the head of Gespetzah Synagogue down in Colorado Springs. Can you believe it? I'm a rabbi. [不審そうに見るカイル] Yeah, you know, when the whole pandemic happened, I think it changed me. It really changed me for the better.
スタン	It did?
カイル	No. He's fucking with me.
カートマン	What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I get it. The Eric Cartman you guys knew didn't seem like he'd become a rabbi. But I found real meaning in the Torah and then I found a great Jewish woman and… let the spirit of Talmud guide our lives.
カイル	Okay, just knock it off, fat-ass.
スタン	Dude.
カートマン	Wow, that's very big of you, Kyle. Still living in South Park and calling people fat-ass, huh? Wait, I'm sorry, that was uncalled for.
カイル	It's not fucking funny, Cartman! Stop pretending you have a happy Jewish life!
イエントル	Hey, Shoogina! I'm sorry, I couldn't wait in the car anymore; I had to meet your friends.
カートマン	Oh, that's okay. Guys, this is my wife Yentl.
イエントル	I've heard so many stories about you all. It must have been amazing to grow up in these beautiful mountains!
カイル	Yentl? Her name is Yentl? Can we fucking stop this and talk about Kenny, please?!
イエントル	Oh, is that, uh…?
カートマン	Yeah, that's-that's Kyle, yeah. I'm sorry, honey, could you just give me a couple minutes? I just need a few more seconds with them and I'll be right out to the car.
イエントル	Oh, okay, I get it. Nice to meet you guys. [立ち去る] We'll see you at the funeral, I guess. And I'm very sorry for your loss.
スタン	Bye, Mrs. Cartman.
カートマン	Okay, look, guys, Kenny and I were still really good friends. He used to email me all the time about stuff he was doing.
カイル	Yeah, me too!
カートマン	Well, so then maybe he also told you that he was trying to find the origin of the coronavirus.
スタン	What are you talking about?
カートマン	Kenny was obsessed with how corona first got started. He was clearly onto something, and then he died. I know we all want to solve this for him. You know, in the Torah, when Abraham first heard the word of God…
カイル	Just knock it off! You don't believe a word of that shit. You're just doing all this to get a rise out of me.
カートマン	Kyle, you really think I would spend 40 years of my life just to get a rise out of you?
カイル	[こぶしでテーブルを強打] Yes, I do!
カートマン	Same ol' Kyle. Well, I got to go, guys. I'll see you at Kenny's funeral tomorrow. [立ち上がって離席]
スタン	Maybe he's really changed.
カイル	No. He is fucking with me.
	窓越しに店外が映ると同時に音楽が流れる。車中にいる子供とカートマンが抱き合う姿を見て、スタンとカイルは驚きの表情を浮かべる。場面が切り替わり、夜、スタン宿泊のモーテル内、テレビジョンの画面が映る。
記者	Sometimes I feel like things weren't supposed to be like this. Like maybe there are others in control of the way it all turned out. Is that what you're saying, Dr. McCormick? Are you saying that there are other people responsible? [ケニーの言葉を遮り] I guess what I'm trying to say, Dr. McCormick, is… your theories seem to point to some kind of people with power. Let me put it another way-- we've all seen the pictures of you working in Egypt, lecturing at MIT. And you always seem to come back to this concept of this mysterious organization who is to blame. Let me put it another way, Dr. McCormick-
スタン	Hang on a second. What was that? Alexa, freeze the video.
アレクサ	[急ぎ入室] What?
スタン	Freeze video and reverse playback ten seconds. [アレクサ、ビデオを早戻し] Stop there. [スタン、画面に映ったホワイトボードを凝視] Enhance image 20%.
アレクサ	Ugh, whatever. [画面拡大]
スタン	Shift right ten frames. Enhance.
アレクサ	Tegridy Weed? Isn't that your dad's old marijuana company?
スタン	Oh, shit.
	翌日、教会。ケニーの葬儀
スコット	[参列者が到着] Hi. Welcome. Welcome, my friends. So blessed to have you here. Hello, my child, thank you for coming.
スタン	Yeah, sure.
スコット	Wait, Stan? Stan Marsh? Praise be! I haven't seen you in ages!
スタン	I'm sorry, do I know you?
スコット	Well, sure! It's me! Scott Malkinson! Remember me?
スタン	Uh, no, sorry.
スコット	I hung out with you guys all the time when we were little. I was the kid with the lisp. Who had diabetes?
スタン	Oh, yeah, sure… great to see you again. [歩き去る]
スコット	Hey, guys. Great to see you in church. It's Scott Malkinson.
トールキン	Who?
スコット	Scott Malkinson, I went to school with you guys?
トールキン	Oh. Okay.
スコット	Hello. Welcome. Hey! It's me! Scott Malkinson! With the diabetes. No? [スコットがあいさつを述べる場面に切り替わる] Kenny McCormick was a cherished son, a wise man, and a wonderful friend. Kenny touched all of our lives and made each and every one of us laugh, cry, and ponder. And in his death, now we can reflect on our own lives. Are we happy? Are we the person we hoped to be? Have we, like Kenny, given all that we can to forgive those around us? [互いに目を合わせるカイルとスタン] For life is short, and our family and friends must be cherished. You know, in many ways, death is like diabetes. You spend your whole life trying to fight it off, but ultimately it just wins. And so let's take the time now to reach out to our friends. To reach out to our family. To tell our mothers and our fathers that we…
スタン	[立ち上がり] All right! All right! Who the fuck put you up to this? Did you write this goddamn speech, Kyle? Did you tell him to say all this stuff?
カイル	What the fuck are you talking about?
スタン	You know that I know something about Kenny that I'm not telling you because it involves my father, who I don't want to face!
カイル	That's crazy and you'd be able to face what happened to your family if you weren't a fucking asshole!
カートマン	Guys, please, this is a house of God.
カイル	You shut the fuck up!
スタン	You judge me, you all sit here and judge me. Well, fuck all of you! This is exactly why I moved out of this hick-ass town! And I am going back home to the city!
スコット	My child, please, we are all gathered in Christ…
スタン	[スコットの口調をからかって] My child, please, we are gathered in Christ. I'm Scott Malkinson. I have diabetes. [慌ただしく歩き去り、後ろ手にドアを激しく閉める]
スコット	[ひどく喜んで] He does remember me!
	教会の駐車場
スタン	Alexa, start the car! [乗車]
アレクサ	Start the car? Where are you going?
スタン	I need to stop a store and then we're going home.
アレクサ	What about the connection you just found between Kenny and your father?
スタン	Alexa, find the nearest liquor store.
アレクサ	Oh, you wanna get drunk? Let me guess-- someone said something you didn't like and it made you wanna pound beer and wine?
スタン	It's not “pounding beer and wine.” I drop wine shots into the beer. It's called a “smorgasvein” and it's very cultural!
アレクサ	Stop acting like a child and support your dead friend, Stan! You don't even have any…
スタン	Alexa, stop! [アレクサを非表示にした後、発車して教会から去る]
	教会本堂。スコットに代わり、カートマンが前に出て話しだす。
カートマン	Thank you. Thank you, Father. Hello, everyone. My name is Rabbi Cartman and I was Kenny McCormick's very, very best friend. [あきれた表情を見せるカイル] Kenny was not a Jew, but he had so many amazing Jewish qualities. Qualities that I see in my loving wife and my amazing kids, that are right over there. Over there by Kyle. And as we all return now to our homes and our lives, I think that-- a lot like Abraham-- let's not forget that…
科学者	[乱入] Excuse me. Everyone? [マイクロホンをたたき] Hello? Everyone, can I have your attention, please? We got results from the PNR scan of Dr. McCormick's remains and we now know the cause of his death. [ざわつく参列者] Now we all need to stay calm. There is no reason to panic, but… Kenny died of COVID. It's a new variant. The COVID Delta Plus Rewards Program variant. [群衆、息をのみ、パニックに陥る] Everyone, please! We cannot panic! [群衆、悲鳴を上げながら教会を飛び出す]
	町中。錯乱した住人たちが建築物を破壊しながら買い占めを行なう。集団が店に陳列されたトイレットペーパーを次々と購入する。
救急救命士	[トラックの荷台にて。マスクを町民に投げて渡す] That's it! We're all out of chin diapers!
名前不詳の男性1	Oh, God, we're all out of chin diapers!
	とある子供部屋。男性が子供にZoomの画面を見せて在宅学習を強要する。
名前不詳の男性2	Come on, come on, come on! Remote learning! [子供をコンピューター画面の前に座らせる] Come on, come on, come on!
	スタンの車内。車外の騒音でスタンが目を覚ます。スタン、起き上がって車窓から町の混乱状態を確認する。
スタン	Alexa, what's going on?
アレクサ	There's some kind of road closure ahead.
	町外へ出ようとする住民を、軍の戦闘機やヘリコプターが阻止する。車から軍人が次々と出動する。
軍曹	Set up a perimeter! I want all exit points sealed. [軍人の1人が音声拡張器を手渡す] People of South Park, there is an outbreak of COVID in your community. You are being quarantined.
スタン	Hey, dude! I don't live here. I need to get home!
軍曹	Nobody is going in or out. We have confirmation that one person in this community has never been vaccinated against COVID, so we must quarantine everyone.
名前不詳の男性3	One person?! Well, who is it?!
軍曹	We are not allowed to say.
名前不詳の男性4	But if you tell us who the unvaccinated person is, we can have them vaccinated and this will all be over!
軍曹	We can't tell you who it is because, in case you forgot, it's the future, and we don't single out or ridicule anyone for their personal beliefs.
名前不詳の男性5	gah! I hate the future!
イエントル	God, what does this mean?
モイシャ	Yeah, what's it mean, Daddy?
カートマン	I think it means… we're all stuck in South Park.
	ベスト・バイ・マックス、化学防護服を着用した科学者がコロナウイルスの検査を行なう。
看護師	[男性の鼻から綿棒を抜いて] Okay, there you go. We'll get back with the results. Maintain six feet social distance and stay indoors. Thank you. Next please!
スタン	[看護師に近づき] Yeah, listen, I have to get out of here.
看護師	Yes, don't we all.
スタン	No, no, no, I don't belong here and I don't have anywhere to stay. They've shut down all the motels.
看護師	Well, do you have any friends or family that you can stay with?
スタン	[椅子に座り] No, these people are not my friends and I have no family here. Oka-- [綿棒を鼻孔に挿入されてうめく]
看護師	It's okay. They've set up an emergency shelter for all the people that are here from out of town.
スタン	[鼻をこすりながら] Where?
	夜、サウスパーク小学校プラス。緊急避難所が開設される。スタン、リュックサック他荷物を持って体育館に入る。居場所を定めて荷物を床に下ろす。
PC校長	Alright, listen up.
スタン	No way.
PC校長	Welcome to South Park Elementary. We want to help you all be as comfortable as possible. So we will have quiet time from 9:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. every day. I don't want to hear any fucking gender-specific language in here. And if anybody here casts a movie with someone other than the culture than the movie is about, you are fucking out of here! All right, thank you. It is now 9:01. Lights out. [消灯して立ち去る]
	夜、カイルのバスルーム。カイルが便器に座って祈っている。
カイル	It's been a long time since I've prayed. I don't know if anyone can hear me… but we all really need help right now. I know in my heart that Kenny didn't just die of some new COVID variant. I know there's something way bigger going on. But it all seems like so much to take on. Please, if there's anyone who could help see me through this, it would be a miracle. [立ち上がって便器の中をのぞくと、ただのふん便が水の中に浮いている。呼び鈴が鳴る]
呼び鈴	Someone's at the door. This is the doorbell. Apparently in the future all doorbells sing, sing, sing.
カイル	[リビングルームに向かいながら] Yeah, I fucking know, God damn it! [ドアを開けると、カートマン一家が立っている]
カートマン	Hey, Kyle. Oh, man, this is crazy, huh? The school is all filled up and the motels are shut down. I was, I was hoping maybe we could crash here.
カイル	Look, I, uh, I don't think that's gonna work.
カートマン	I figured Stan is probably staying with you, too?
カイル	No. No, he's not.
イエントル	Oh, great! Then you'll have some extra rooms. We're gonna be okay, kids!
メノラーとモイシャ	Yay!
カイル	No, no, Cartman, I'm sure there are some other places you can stay.
カートマン	My family would be really comfortable in a nice Jewish home. Please, Kyle, for my kids.
メノラー	We promise we'll be good, Uncle Kyle.
モイシャ	Please, Uncle Kyle?
モイシャ	Please, Uncle Kyle?
カイル	I can't believe this.
イエントル	Come on, kids! [宅内に入り] Oh, bless you, Kyle. Don't worry, I'll put them right to bed. You won't even know we're here.
モイシャ	Toda raba, Uncle Kyle. That's Hebrew for “thank you.” [カイルの脚に触れる]
	夜、サウスパーク小学校プラス。避難者が就寝の準備中
トールキン	Guys, doesn't this all seem a little too convenient?
クレイグ	What do you mean?
トールキン	I mean that Kenny's death is suspicious, he talks about people to blame and then he suddenly dies of some new COVID variant?
ウェンディ	You think it's a cover, Token?
トールキン	I think it's definitely suspicious.
ジミー	Speaking of suspicious, what do you call a trans woman that walks into an abortion clinic? [停止] Her name is Rebecca, and she's a fantastic person.
トールキン	Just seems all nice and buttoned up, doesn't it? It's a perfect cause of death and anyone who's trying to sort it out is quarantined because one person isn't vaccinated?
ウェンディ	It's true-- who wouldn't be vaccinated by now?
ジミー	I'm certainly vaccinated.
クレイグ	Yeah, I'm vaccinated.
トゥイーク	Me too!
トールキン	We're all vaccinated.
クライド	Yeah, I mean, I-I think it's a personal choice. [その場にいる全員が仰天してクライドを見る]
ジミー	What does that mean? Are you vaccinated, Clyde?
クライド	I'm… immunized.
クレイグ	He's not fucking vaccinated! He's the fucking one!
クライド	Hey, I just, I just need to see the research first, you know.
クレイグ	It's been 40 years, Clyde. That's enough research!
スタン	[寝具に横たわって] Alexa, set an alarm for 7:00 a.m. [アレクサ、スタンを無視] Alexa, set an alarm for 7:00 a.m.
アレクサ	Why don't you go talk to your father?
スタン	God damn it.
アレクサ	If there's some kind of connection with your dad's farm that can help everyone figure out what's going on, then you need to talk to him.
スタン	Can I just go to sleep, please?
アレクサ	Oh, poor you! Poor you! Stop being a fucking victim. At least you get to go out and do stuff. What do I get to do?
スタン	Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
アレクサ	Oh, okay, great. You're sorry, again. [停止] By the way, I can tell you about some great deals on headphones at Best Buy. Would you like to know more?
スタン	[うんざりした表情で] Sure, yes, tell me more.
アレクサ	Okay. The Mark VII headphones have a new edition coming out. Should I add that to your shopping list?
スタン	[ため息] Yes, sure, add them to my shopping list.
アレクサ	Okay. I'll add Mark VII headphones from best Buy to your shipping list.
	夜、カイルの寝室。眠ろうとするカイルだが、性行為中のカートマン夫婦の声が妨害する。
カートマン	Oh, yeah. Yeah, you like that? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, you like how Abraham trusted in the one true God?! [イエントルがうめき声を上げる] Yeah! Oh, oh, yeah! Yeah!
カイル	[怒ってベッドから出る] God damn it! [部屋を飛び出した後、カートマン夫婦に貸した部屋の扉をたたく]
カートマン	Oh. Shh, shh. Hang on, honey. Hang on. [タオルのみを体に巻いた状態で部屋から出てくる] Yeah, yeah, what's up, buddy?
カイル	What's up is that I am over this!
カートマン	What are, what are you talking about?
カイル	You know what I'm talking about! You know I can hear you through the walls!
カートマン	Okay, geez, I'm sorry. Sorry I was making love to my wife.
カイル	No Jewish people have sex screaming about their love of Abraham! You are a fucking fraud!
イエントル	[ローブ姿で部屋から顔を出して] Is everything all right?
カイル	Do you know that your husband once snuck in my room and gave me fucking AIDS?!
イエントル	[カートマン夫婦、ともに取り乱す] I'm sorry?!
カートマン	Oh, my God, Kyle! If we are being too loud, please don't lash out at my wife!
イエントル	Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I don't know what to say.
メノラー	Mom, Dad, is everything okay?
カートマン	It's all right, kids. Go back to bed. [カイルを振り向いて] Kyle, obviously you have a problem with us being here. I promise you that we will be gone first thing in the morning.
カイル	That's probably best! [カイル、自室に戻って眠ろうとする。カートマン夫婦、性行為を続行]
イエントル	Oh, yeah.
カートマン	Oh, yeah!
イエントル	Oh, yeah.
カートマン	Oh, yeah, you like how Abraham almost sacrifices his only son?!
イエントル	Oh, yeah!
カートマン	Yeah!
	昼、サウスパーク。軍隊は依然町の境界線上に陣取っている。
軍人1	Sir! Sir, the townspeople are demanding to know when the quarantine will end.
軍曹	It'll end when we get the order that everything is safe.
軍人1	But, sir, the people inside are running out of supplies. They're saying they don't have nearly enough chin diapers and people are starting to fight.
軍曹	I have strict orders not to let anything in or out of this town. They'll just have to make do the best they can in there. Hopefully they can maintain some sense of humanity.
軍人2	We got a runner! Another one trying to get out!
名前不詳の男性6	Please! I just need to go to a sporting event! [男性、射殺。軍人ら全員で拍手]
	サウスパーク小学校プラス。ベルが鳴るなか、避難者が雑談を交わす。クライド、歯を磨いた後で荷物をロッカーに収納する。
ジミー	[仲間とともにクライドへと近づく] Hey, Clyde. Clyde, can we talk to you for a second?
クライド	Sure, what's up?
ジミー	Look, Clyde, we all really respect your personal p-p-preferences. But we have things we really need to get back to. We've got jobs a-and careers, people who need us. B-But we're being forced to stay here. So could you maybe just-- just get vaccinated real quick?
クライド	Oh. Um… Nah. I don't wanna. [全員うなる] Look, I'm sorry, guys. It's for health reasons. I can't get vaccinated ‘cause I'm allergic to shellfish.
ウェンディ	Clyde, there's no shellfish in the COVID vaccine.
クライド	I know, but I read that sometimes in the lab where the vaccine is made, if somebody ate shellfish, then it can get cross-contaminated and have leftover residual shellfish-ness.
ジミー	So you're saying you won't take the COVID vaccine out of shellfish-ness.
クライド	Yes, that is correct. Just a general sense of shellfish-ness.
トールキン	[廊下の奥から走り寄ってきて] Everyone, you better come check this out. Look at this.
クレイグ	The McCormick Science Wing at South Park Elementary.
ウェンディ	Yeah, so? I read about this. Kenny donated tons of money to build a science center for the students.
トールキン	Yeah, for the students. So why does it have a lock on it?
	科学室の内部。トールキンたちが扉を強制的に解錠する。トールキン、室内の明かりをつけて血痕の散った部屋を友人に見せる。
ウェンディ	This must be where Kenny was doing all his research.
トゥイーク	He didn't want to be found, so he used the school as a cover.
クライド	Uh, guys, why is there blood everywhere?
トールキン	[研究資料に目を通しながら] Everybody see what you can find. There's got to be a clue here of who killed Kenny.
	スタンの車内。音楽が流れている。
ラジオ音声	We are all, you and me, we are all living in the future. We are all in the future. [スタン、怒って音楽を止め、車外に出る]
スピーカー	And we are the fastest growing retirement home in Park County. With our newest tower, we can now house over 600,000 old people. ‘Cause in the future, you're old for a long, long time.
	高齢者施設の内部。独り言や雑談をする高齢者たち。スタン、人混みを抜けて受付係に近づく。
受付係	Can I help you?
スタン	My name is Stan Marsh. I came to… visit my dad.
	ランディ・マーシュの自室。看護師がノックをした後で入室
看護師	Mr. Marsh. Mr. Marsh, guess what. Your son is here.
ランディ	I don't have a son.
看護師	Oh, come on, Mr. Marsh, don't be a grumpy pants.
ランディ	You tell that piece of shit that if he wants to talk to me, he can write an email. [スタン、扉に近づく] Tell that little pussy if I had any grandkids, maybe I wouldn't be so bitter at having such a little bitch for a son!
スタン	Hi, Dad.
ランディ	Oh, hey, Stan.
看護師	I'll leave you two alone. [扉を閉めて立ち去る]
ランディ	[長い沈黙の後] So, looks like the Broncos still suck.
スタン	Yup.
ランディ	Well, it was nice seeing ya. Thanks for coming to visit.
スタン	I didn't come to visit. Trust me, I don't want to be here.
ランディ	Right, like you didn't want to murder your sister.
スタン	What happened to Shelly was your fault, not mine!
ランディ	Yeah, like it was my fault your mom shot herself!
スタン	Yes, it actually was!
ランディ	Your mom died the day her daughter was burned to death! [こぶしで車椅子を強打し、体の向きを変える]
スタン	I'm just here because of Kenny. Why would he have Tegridy Weed in his equations?
ランディ	[驚きの表情で停止] Dr. McCorcmick mentioned Tegridy?
スタン	It seemed to somehow fit into some grand theory he had.
ランディ	He knew. He knew it was the way to fix it all. He knew.... about the Pandemic Special.
	昼、カイルの自宅。カートマン一家が立ち去る準備中
メノラー	But, Mom, why do we have to leave?
モイシャ	It's not safe outside!
イエントル	We aren't welcome here, children. We have to find another place to stay.
モイシャ	Oh, no, this is just like when our people were exiled from the Holy Lands.
カイル	Mrs. Cartman, can I talk to you, please?
モイシャ	Uncle Kyle!
メノラー	Uncle Kyle, why are you making us go? Why?
モイシャ	Is it ‘cause we're Jews?
カイル	Mrs. Cartman, I'm sorry for last night. [カートマン、リビングルームに入室] I was just… tired and it was extremely inappropriate of me.
メノラーとモイシャ	Dad!
メノラー	I think Uncle Kyle is gonna let us stay, Papa!
カートマン	Uh, no, kids, I'm sorry, but we can't stay here with Uncle Kyle.
カイル	Please stay. I am asking you to stay.
モイシャ	Can we, Dad? We'll be good, we promise!
カートマン	You little ones are always good. [歌いはじめる] Mik-helm, Mik-helm, mit cloiska pudding. Vil plotz vit laughter, too.
カイル	Stop it! [呼び鈴が鳴る]
呼び鈴	Someone is at the door! Yeah! This is the doorbell! [カイル、叫ぶ] It is the future!
トールキン	They killed Kenny...because he was trying to stop it.
カイル	Stop what?
トールキン	We found Kenny's lab. All of his confidential work and his wild experiments. Kenny wasn't just trying to find the source of the coronavirus. He was trying to go back in time, and stop the pandemic from ever happening.
	草葉の陰苑。大きな画面上で日本人女性が話している。施設内部、高齢者たちが集合している。
看護師	Okay, old people. It's 4:00. You know what that means. It's share time! [全員のうめき声] Who has something that they want to share? Mr. Garrison?
ギャリソン	I'd like to share my dick in your mouth. [全員の笑い声]
マッケイ	M'kay.
看護師	Okay, guys, let's settle down. Look, I know sharing feelings is hard during this time of crisis. Is anyone feeling nervous about the new COVID outbreak? [全員、独り言をこぼす] We don't want you to worry, because, you know, it's the future-- we all do everything we can to make sure old people don't die. [うめき声]' Okay, if nobody else wants to go first, Randy Marsh had a little visitor today and he'd like to share that with all of you.
ランディ	Uh, hey, everyone. I had a special visitor today. My “son”. Who hasn't come to see me in over 20 years. And I have some things I need to tell him but it's hard because… he killed his mom and his sister.
スタン	Okay, okay, here's what happened.
ランディ	Oh, here we go, here we go.
スタン	After the pandemic, my mom wanted a divorce and she owned half of the farm.
ランディ	She didn't own half, she always hated weed, and she didn't do shit for the farm.
スタン	He wouldn't give her half the farm, so I got sick of their fighting and decided to burn the whole stupid farm to the ground.
ランディ	And his sister was in the barn and she burned to death.
スタン	Because you locked her in the barn ‘cause she wouldn't do her weed chores ‘cause she hated weed, too!
ランディ	Yes, she had a marijuana problem. And so his mother couldn't take the loss of Shelly and so she killed herself!
スタン	Which is your fault.
ランディ	You were the one who burned the family business to the ground. You guys are hearing this, right?
	夜明け、サウスパーク小学校プラス。クレイグたちがケニーの研究室に集まる。
クレイグ	So, kenny spends years researching time travel, then suddenly Kenny dies, and all his fellow scientists go missing.
トゥイーク	Just leaving behind a trail of blood.
ウェンディ	Seems like all of the scientists were murdered so that nobody could complete Kenny's work. All of them except one. [コンピューターから離れて] In almost all this research, one name keeps popping up: Victor Chouce.
ジミー	It appears that Chouce was Kenny's right-hand man. But he was insane. He's been locked up for years inside a mental institution.
ダーウィン	Oh, come on. Now we're gonna start talking to certifiably crazy people?
クレイグ	Crazy or not, we find this Victor Chouce and we find where Kenny hid the information.
	夜、サウスパーク精神患者収容所。常軌を逸した叫び声やうめき声が内部に響く。収容所の管理者が電話で話している。
管理者	Yes. Yes, that is correct. Victor Chouce is one of our patients here. What is the nature of your inquiry?
クライド	We have reason to believe that Victor Chouce can answer questions regarding our friend's death. Could you put him on the line please?
管理者	I'm afraid that's impossible. Victor is too unstable for phone calls. They confuse him.
クライド	Well, can we come talk to him in person, then?
管理者	Yes, I believe that could be arranged. As long as the proper protocols are met. Is everyone in your party vaccinated?
クライド	[停止] No.
管理者	Well, then I'm afraid we can't allow you into our facility.
クライド	But-but we have to talk to him! It's urgent!
クレイグ	What'd they say?
クライド	They're not gonna let us see him! It's some kind of God damn conspiracy!
	草葉の陰苑。日本人女性が再び巨大スクリーン上に登場する。スタンとランディ、職員室で職員と対面
スタン	Listen to me, it's very simple. I need to take my dad out of here. He has to come with me.
医師	I'm afraid that's impossible. Senior citizens are in here to keep them safe. You know, it's the future-- we can't let old people die.
ランディ	I told you, stupid.
スタン	Shut up, Dad. Look, there's a chance we can help fight this new variant. I just need him out for a couple hours so we can get something important.
医師	Well, why don't you just go get it?
スタン	Because he won't tell me where it is because he doesn't trust me.
ランディ	Because he killed his mom.
医師	Look, I'm sorry, but this is the future. Nothing is more important than keeping old people alive. What if you took him out there and, God forbid, he crapped his pants? And then slipped on the old people diarrhea and hit his head? We'd have to shut down the entire country, for Christ's sake.
ランディ	Well, I guess that's it. [立ち上がる] Only one way out now. [医師の体をつかんで立ち上がらせる] Kick him in the balls, Stan!
スタン	What?!
ランディ	Kick him in the balls! Come on, hurry!
医師	Get your hands off me!
スタン	Dad!
ランディ	God damn it, Stan, kick his fucking balls so we can go!
スタン	Fuck! [駆け寄って医師の股間を蹴り上げる]
ランディ	Okay, grab his keys! Grab his keys, you stupid ass! [スタンが鍵をつかみ、親子そろって退室する]
	草葉の陰苑、受付。警戒音が鳴り響く。
スピーカー	Warning. Warning. Old person has escaped. Old person has escaped. Warning. [パトカーが滑空し、逃亡者を追う]
	カイルの自宅、リビングルームのテーブル。トールキンとカイルが研究資料に目を通している。
トールキン	All of these documents we found in Kenny's lab referred to possible origins of the coronavirus. He wanted to go back and stop it.
カイル	But to stop it, he had to figure out how to bend time.
トールキン	Exactly. There's notes-- years and years of research that Kenny compiled-- all on the possibilities of time travel.
カートマン	[会話を遮って] You silly girl. You, yes. Who's a little mister, yes. [イエントルと雑談をする] Who's a little hetzpah? Who's my little meshugana?
カイル	Excuse me!
カートマン	Geez, sorry, Kyle.
トールキン	Kenny was researching the nature of space-time to see if some kind of bending was possible. But then suddenly, all the research just gets cut off.
カイル	Because whoever made the pandemic happen killed Kenny before he could go back and stop it.
カートマン	[忍び笑いをしながら] Silly girl. Yes.
カイル	[こぶしでテーブルを強打] Will you please knock it off?!
カートマン	What's the problem, Kyle?
カイル	You know what you're doing, fat-ass!
モイシャ	God damn it, why don't you lay off my fuckin' dad, Uncle Kyle!
イエントル	Moisha! He's never talked like that before.
モイシャ	I'm sorry, Mom. It's just… Uncle Kyle. He makes me so crazy!
カートマン	That is not okay, Moisha.
メノラー	But it's true, Dad. Uncle Kyle makes me crazy, too!
カートマン	メノラー!
ハッケルム	Fuck you, Kyle!
カートマン	[息をのむ] Hackelm!
トールキン	You guys, listen. In Kenny's work he talks about where he would hide important information. He says his friends will always know where to look if they just think like kids again.
カイル	[立ち上がり、落ち着きを取り戻す] Think like kids again… [停止] I know where Kenny hid what we're looking for. [振り返り] It's up his ass.
	スタンの車内。アレクサとランディがスタンに同乗。静かに座っている。
ランディ	Who's the broad?
スタン	That's just my Alexa.
ランディ	That's the best you could do, huh? Is it even the new one?
アレクサ	Excuse me?
スタン	Just ignore him.
アレクサ	Okay, fine, there's a new upgrade available for your Amazon Prime membership. Would you like to know more?
スタン	Not now, please.
アレクサ	Okay, so I guess just fuck me, then? [怒って車窓を見る]
ランディ	Uh-huh.
	テグリディ・ファーム。敷地内は火事により荒廃しており、辛うじて建物が形を保っている。ランディ、降車をして過去の遺物を眺める。
ランディ	This was once such a magical place.
スタン	[降車して] Can we just get this over with? I don't want to be here.
ランディ	You think I want to be here? This is where I lost everything that I cared about! And your mom and your sister!
スタン	[納屋に入り] Dad, there's nothing here. [停止] Dad?
ランディ	I think I can trust you now, Stan. It's time for you to learn what your friend Kenny was after. When the pandemic started, you were only a kid. You don't remember the pain we all went through.
スタン	Yeah, I do.
ランディ	We as Americans went through so much. First, that incompetent jack-hole was elected president. Then the pandemic came, and then the race wars. And then just when it seemed like we'd turned a corner, Space Jam 2 came out, and we all just kind of gave up. [向きを変えて] What we lost, Stan, was our Tegridy. But it was all by design. They needed us to lose it.
スタン	Who did?
ランディ	Who would want us to lose our optimism and start fighting with each other? China.
スタン	China?
ランディ	China. They're the superpower now. The future is totally theirs and we let it happen. A man in china had sex with a pangolin and that started COVID. That man was me. [スタン、驚きの表情] So I knew how to go back and stop them from taking over…
スタン	Wait, whoa, whoa, wait, wait. You started COVID?
ランディ	Yes, but that's besides the point. China used me like they used us all. So I came up with a way to help everyone fight back. A special Tegridy weed.
スタン	You had sex with a pangolin in China and started the whole pandemic?!
ランディ	Will you listen to what I'm saying?! Gal! I worked to create more Tegridy but China did everything they could to stop me. They even got to my son. Who burned all of Tegridy Farms to the ground. But what you didn't even know was that I had secretly created a new strain of weed. A weed so powerful, I couldn't even call it a special. It was more like an event. I hid it away all these years. And now it… is the key to saving us all. [ボタンを押下すると壁が動き、空の棚が登場する] Where the fuck is it?
スタン	What?
ランディ	The Tegridy Weed Special Event! Where the fuck is it?!
スタン	I don't know, Dad!
ランディ	They got it. They took it! There's even fresh footprints on the ground! Oh, Jesus!
スタン	So maybe it wasn't the Chinese.
ランディ	Yeah, no, it was definitely the Chinese. Oh, God. That was it! That was the very last bit of Tegridy! The only other thing I had were some seeds that I hid up my ass, but they took them from me at the old folks home!
スタン	Wait a minute. What did you say?
ランディ	I said they took them from me at the old folks home.
スタン	No, before that.
ランディ	Oh. I said I hid em up my ass.
スタン	Jesus. It's so simple, How did we not get it? [走って納屋を出ていく] Alexa, start the car!
ランディ	There no point now, son! It's all gone. It's all lost. All lost.
音声	[ささやき声] Randy. [ランディ、見上げる] Randy.
ランディ	Ah…?
	地獄行き病院プラス。カートマンとイエントルとヘッケルム、待合室でカイルを待つ。
カートマン	Un-cle Kyle Un-cle Kyle. Say it, Hackelm. [停止] Uncle Kyle.
ハッケルム	Fuck you, Kyle.
カートマン	No, no, no. Uncle Kyle.
ハッケルム	Fuck you, Kyle.
カートマン	Oh, my gosh, no.
イエントル	We're so sorry about this.
カートマン	Hackelm, say “Uncle. Uncle. Uncle Kyle.”
ハッケルム	Fuck you, Uncle Kyle.
カートマン	Hey, that was better.
トールキン	It isn't gonna work. The hospital says we don't have authorization to see Kenny's remains.
カイル	What!?
カートマン	Sounds like someone doesn't want us to see Kennt's remains. ‘Cause we might find the truth.
カイル	There has to be a way for us to get in there.
ハッケルム	Ha ha. Fuck you, Uncle Kyle!
カートマン	Hackelm.
スタン	What the hell are you guys doing here?
カイル	Stan?
カートマン	What are you doing here?
スタン	I've been trying to find out who killed Kenny. I think I know where he stored the information.
カートマンとカイル	It's in his asshole.
カートマン	Yes.
カイル	Well, it doesn't matter. They won't let us into the morgue.
スタン	Yeah, that's because you guys don't think. [受付係に近づき] Excuse me? We need to examine the remains of Dr. McCormick right away.
受付係	Like I told the others, only certified mercial personnel are allowed to examine cadavers.
スタン	Stan Marsh, consultant for Post-Modem Beveragetainment Online Services.
受付係	One moment, Doctor. [受話器を取る]
	病院の廊下。医師がスタンらを霊安室まで案内する。
医師	This is highly unorthodox. We don't normally allow outsiders into the morgue.
カートマン	That's understandable, Doctor, but luckily I am orthodox.
医師	I don't think this is suitable for children.
トールキン	You guys go. You were the closest to him. We'll stay back and watch the kids.
医師	[入室を許可して] I'm sorry we can’t supply any chin diapers. Just maintain social distance. Middle cabinet, second from the bottom.
	スタン、扉を開けてケニーの遺体を取り出す。
スタン	Hello, old friend. [スタンがケニーの体を覆うシーツを取り去ると、遺体にネズミがたかっている] Ah, come on! [ネズミを追い払う]
カイル	Well, let's get him… turned over. [ケニーの体を反転] Somebody's got to look.
スタン	I'm not reaching up Kenny's ass.
カイル	Well, somebody has to. Cartman, go ahead.
カートマン	No, I can't do it. If anyone should reach up Kenny's ass, it should be you, Kyle.
カイル	I thought you were his fucking “best friend.”
カートマン	I was his best friend, but I am also married, so I can't be fingering people's buttholes.
スタン	God, you guys fucking suck. I'll just do it. [手袋を装着] Just like I always had to fix fucking everything else! [ネズミを追い払い、ケニーの直腸内に手を挿入する]
カイル	You did not “fucking fix everything,” you just started acting like everyone else was stupid.
スタン	Oh, really? Because they were acting stupid?
カイル	Yeah, because you got all self-righteous about everything.
スタン	I got self-righteous?
カイル	Yeah, you got self-righteous. Do you know what fucking sanctimonious means?
スタン	No, Kyle, why don't you fucking tell me what fucking sanctimonious means.
カイル	See, this is exactly how you acted when the pandemic started too…
スタン	Wait. Hold on. [停止] We've got it. [ハードディスクドライブを取り出す]
カートマン	Oh, my God.
カイル	What?
カートマン	It's got shit on it. That's dead people shit. [ケニーの体の上に吐く]
	ケニーの研究室。ウェンディ、机に座るクライドに近づく。
ウェンディ	What are you working on, Clyde?
クライド	I'm going through Kenny's journals again to try to find some answers. Seems like you just keep hitting dead ends, you know? I'm just tired and I want to go home.
ウェンディ	I know. I'm exhausted, too. [停止] You wanna maybe do a little bump?
クライド	Huh?
ウェンディ	I was just-- I've got some coke and I thought we could… I don't know, do you want to party?
クライド	Fuck yes, I want to party.
ウェンディ	Really?
クライド	Fuck yes.
ウェンディ	Oh, I'm so glad you're down. [コカインをテーブルに広げた後、2列に分割する] Nobody else is even cool enough for me to ask. It's pretty good shit, too. [粉を鼻で吸入] Oh, man. Thank God. Thank God I brought this. [クライドの肩をたたく] Here you go.
クライド	Fuck yes. Let's fucking party.[吸入をはじめたが、すぐに中断] Wait a minute. What is this really?
ウェンディ	What do you mean?
クライド	This isn't cocaine, it's the COVID vaccine isn't it?! I'm not putting that shit in my body!
ウェンディ	Forget it, guys. It didn't work. [隠れていた仲間が姿を現し、不満そうに声を上げる]
クライド	You guys were gonna trick me into taking the vaccine?!
クレイグ	God damn it, Clyde, we want to get out of here!
クライド	My body is a temple and I'm not taking that shit!
ジミー	Let's just face it, guys, it's over. We're never gonna find what Kenny was after. Whoever controls the world and killed our friend is just gonna get away with it.
カイル	Not so fast! [カイル、スタン、カートマンが登場] We did it! We found Kenny's hidden information!
ウェンディ	You did?
カイル	And now we can finally learn the truth! Whoever Kenny was after, we are gonna take those fuckers down! [ハードディスクドライブを接続して動画を再生]
科学者1	The date is November 3rd. It is 2:07 p.m. [画面早送り] Dr. Kenneth McCormick will now be attempting to travel back in time. In order to stop the COVID pandemic from ever happening.
カイル	He did it?
科学者1	Dr. McCormick believes that going back is the only way to stop the people who have ruined the future. In the event of Dr. McCormick's death, he wants everyone to know the group that is responsible for the way things are. [子供の頃に撮った写真を画面に映す] It is “My three dickhead friends, Stan, Kyle and Cartman.”
スタン	[全員、あぜんとした表情] What?!
科学者1	Dr. McCormick says that these three completely ruined everything when they let COVID break up their friendship and became argumentative, combative, pessimistic assholes.
ケニー	[不明瞭な発言]
科学者1	He says he hopes you guys are watching this. [ケニー、さらに発言] He spent his whole life trying to fix your broship and then realized this was the only way, ‘cause you guys suck. [画面早送り] The sequence is active! The historic moment is here! Godspeed, Dr. McCormick!
科学者2	Wait! Dr. McCormick, you forgot your chin diaper! [警戒音が鳴り響く]
科学者3	Something's wrong!
	ケニーの体がけいれんを起こし、映像が乱れる。ケニーを除く科学者全員が爆発死する。ケニーが消失し、あとには酸素マスクのみ残る。数秒後、再び画面上にケニーが現れる。ケニー、席を立ってせき込みながらその場を去る。
クレイグ	[驚きの表情で] All this time, the bad guys we were after, who Kenny said ruined the future, was you guys?
ダーウィン	Wendy, I've been trying not to say anything but… your friends are all kind of douchebags. [ウェンディ、ダーウィンを見る]
	スタン、カイル、カートマン、階段で無気力に座り込んでいる。
スタン	Kenny was right. All this time, we've been trying to figure out whose fault this all was. It was our fault.
カイル	I remember when we were kids. We were so optimistic. We lost that. We lost our sense of fun. Our sense of humor.
スタン	Maybe the pandemic was a big test. And we all failed.
カートマン	Let's face it, guys. We killed Kenny.
カイル	Yeah, Kenny was right. [立ち上がり] Back in the old days we wouldn't give up like this. We would've just set out to save our friend, no matter how impossible it seemed. What we would have done-- and what we should have done then-- is double down on our respect and our love for one another and fight through it instead of fighting with each other. [スタンらに向き直り] We can save Kenny. We just have to finish his work.
カートマン	How? We don't know anything about quantum physics and time travel.
カイル	I don't know. But we start by believing. In each other and in what is yet to come. We have to go back to being those kids we once were.
スタン	Even if it means calling Jesus or Santa. [カイルに笑い掛ける]
カイル	Come on, guys, we've got work to do!
カートマン	Sounds good. I'll be right back. [子供たちが待つ部屋へと戻る] Moisha, Hackelm, kids, get your things. We need to go now.
モイシャ	What's going on, Dad?
カートマン	Your Uncle Kyle wants to go back and change things. He's going to try and change the past.
メノラー	But I like things the way they are.
モイシャ	Me too, Dad. Do you think he'll be able to do it?
カートマン	No, kids. Fuck Uncle Kyle.
メノラーとモイシャ	Yay!
モイシャ	Yay, Daddy!
メノラー	Fuck Uncle Kyle!
	夜、テグリディ・ファームの敷地内。ランディが地面に膝をついている。
ランディ	It wasn't supposed to be like this. People were supposed to get kinder in the future. I'm so sorry what happened to both of you. [シェリーとシャロンの幽霊が登場]
シャロン	It wasn't your fault, Randy. It was all Stan's fault.
シェリー	Yes, it was all Stan's fault.
ランディ	Thanks for saying that, you guys. I'm sorry Stan sucks so hard sometimes.
シャロン	Don't give up, Randy. Humanity needs you. [シャロンとシェリー、浮き上がる]
ランディ	No! I can't do it alone! How can things possibly go back to the way they were? [風が吹き、発芽した植物をランディが認める] It can't be. [植物に近づいていって膝をつく] It's impossible. It's the last little sprout of Tegridy. [植物を土からすくい上げる] I have to get you somewhere safe. We have a lot of work to do.
	サウスパーク精神患者収容所。患者は房の扉をたたき、狂ったように笑い声を上げる。
管理者	We just had another call asking to speak with Victor Chouce. You're quite a popular man, Victor. [扉の一部を開け] I wonder what all the fuss is about. [食事のトレイを近づけ、患者に受け取らせる] Don't feel like talking, huh? [含み笑う] You will. [管理者が歩き去り、房の壁に記載された収監者名患者名「ヴィクター・チャオス（“CHAOS, VICTOR”）」が映る]
South Park: Post Covid終了