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• 修行僧：A monk

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Chef Goes Nanners
	The Mayor's office, day. The mayor is at her desk, flanked by her assistants. Before her are Chef and Jimbo. The meeting starts
町長	Gentlemen, I understand you are here to present both sides of an issue. I wanna hear you both out and do this in a civil and constructive manner so that I can give you both the time and attention you deserve. Jimbo, why don't you begin?
ジンボ	Mayor, it's about the South Park flag.
町長	[instantly exasperated] Oh, Jesus Christ, not this again!
ジンボ	We cannot change the South Park flag, Mayor!
シェフ	Mayor, as I've said before, I find that flag to be racist and insensitive!
ジンボ	Chef, I respect you very much, but you have to understand that this has been the South Park flag since some of our ancestors, like my great-grandfather, founded this land!
シェフ	That flag represents a time when blacks were persecuted by whites! How can a black man not be bothered by it?!
町長	Ahalright, Chef, I'll have my assistants hold up the flag. [the one with the bang goes to get it] and you tell me what exactly you find racist about it. [the assistant returns and gives one end to Johnson. They unfurl the flag between them. The flag shows a black figure dangling from a hangman's noose, and two white figures on either side of him rejoicing. "South Park" is written underneath]
シェフ	You don't see anything wrong with that flag?!
ジンボ	Chef, what about the baseball team, the Cleveland Indians, huh? Should they change their name because it's racist?
シェフ	Yeah!
ジンボ	No, because it's their history!
シェフ	Look, I have gone to every quiet protest I could! I have written everyone; I've put up signs! But now I'm telling you [points to the mayor and emphasizes], THIS FLAG WILL BE CHANGED!
ジンボ	And I'm telling you it WON'T!
町長	[rolls her eyes] Oh, boy.
	South Park Elementary, day. The class bell rings and the kids are in their seats. Timmy is now shown with the class.
ワイランド先生	Okay, children, in Mr. Garrison's absence, I would like to turn the class's attention to current issues. Some people think the South Park flag should be changed, while others believe that changing the flag is wrong. I think this is a perfect subject for your debate club.
生徒	[Timmy stays quiet] Aaaaah!
ワイランド先生	I see that you've already had a lot of interesting debates this year. [points to a chart with three debates on it] Pro-Choice vs. Cartman, Pro-Gun Control vs. Cartman, a-and People Against the Clubbing of Baby Seals vs. Cartman. And apparently, the winner of all your debates so far has been... Cartman.
カートマン	Thaaat's ri-ight.
カイル	Cartman doesn't always win! He just gets pissed off and goes home so we can't debate anymore!
生徒	[including Timmy] Yeah.
カートマン	Nah-ah! I'm just a better debater than you guys!
スタン	You don't even know what you're debating about half the time!
カートマン	Yes, I do!
クレイグ	No, you don't!
カートマン	Oh yeah?! Well, screw you guys, I'm going home! [rises from his seat, heads for the door, and exits]
カイル	Told ya.
ワイランド先生	Alright, children, well, unlike Mr. Garrison, I want you all to go out and research this debate before we pick teams. Tomorrow, you'll need to choose which side of this poignant debate you are on. [the class stares back blankly]
	Jimbo and Ned's lodge, after school. They're sitting on the front porch.
ジンボ	This is about history, kids. [Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and two others are present] If you don't have respect for your past, then you can never expect to- BIRD! [he and Ned each take a shot at it, and it tumbles away, falling dead into a large pile of dead birds on the road behind the boys] -then you can never expect to have a future. Nowadays, everyone wants to change mascots and flags because they're not [does quotes with his left index and middle finger] "politically correct." Well, where does it end? I mean, people are gonna start sayin' that the Denver Broncos are offensive to horses. And then we'll have to- a SQUIRREL! [He and Ned take shots at it, and it falls dead from its branch] And then we'll have to change everything, and pretty soon all our history will be forgotten. But to REALLY understand the South Park's flag's importance, you need to know about South Park's history. Ned here's a big history buff, and he can tell you the whole story. Ned?
ネッド	Nnneh, in 1867, fourteen pioneers from the East Coast traveled across the Plains-
スタン	Uh... that, that's okay, dude, I think we got it.
カイル	Yeah, we got it.
ジンボ	You sure?
スタンとカイル	Yup.
ジンボ	You boys go make me proud now and win that debate- Chris Peterson! [he and Ned fire away, and Chris yells and dodges the bullets, then runs off] God-damnit, we missed him again!
	South Park Supermarket, after school. Chef is at the entrance with a petition in his hands. With him are Wendy, Bebe, Clyde, and Butters. Some folks head for the store…
シェフ	Sign up to join me, and come marching to the Mayor's office in protest of the South Park flag! [the shoppers brush on by and enter the store, and the doors close] You see that, children?! Nobody wants to get involved! [the doors open and Randy Marsh walks out with a bag of groceries. Chef notices] Randy! Sign up to march with me against the South Park flag on Wednesday?
ランディ	Oh, uuhh, look, Chef, you know I'm-m not a racist, but uh, I just don't really feel strongly one way or another about the flag.
シェフ	Well, alright, Marsh, you're entitled to your own opinion. [Randy walks away and Chef looks at the kids] That's how it is in this town. I haven't gotten one signature on this damn sheet, and I've been here all day!
ウェンディ	We'll march with you, Chef.
シェフ	That's nice, but I need the support of some registered voters. [Mr. Mackey walks out with some groceries. Chef stops him] Ey, Mackey! Sign up to march on Wednesday?
マッケイ先生	Oo, Wednesday? Uh-Wednesday's tough. I guess- maybe I could do somthin' uh, Thursday afternoon.
シェフ	Alright, fudge it, Thursday. Anyone else wanna go Thursday?
ヴィクトリア校長	[arrives] Thursday's no good, we've got choir council.
マッケイ先生	Oh, yeah.
ヴィクトリア校長	What about next Sunday?
シェフ	Fine! Next Sunday!
男性1	You mean, during the ball game?
男性2	Oh, yeah. We can't do Sunday.
シェフ	Monday??
ヴィクトリア校長	Oh, I can't do Monday.
男性3	[arrives] I could do Tuesday.
マッケイ先生	Yeah, Tuesday morning's good.
男性1	You know what would be better for me is Saturday afternoon.
男性2	Saturday is perfect for me.
ヴィクトリア校長	Yeah. How about Saturday at 11:30?
男性3	Mm hmm.
男性2, Woman 2	Yeah.
男性1	Yeah.
男性3	That sounds good.
男性2	Mm hmm.
マッケイ先生	Yeah, I think that's the best day.
シェフ	Okay! On Saturday, we march!
男性2	Oh, march? What are we marching for?
シェフ	To bring down the South Park Flag!
男性2	…Oh. [the adults begin to disperse]
男性3	Oohh, I gotta go.
男性1	I know what I may like. I don't like marching.
女性2	Uh, marching's really not for me.
男性2	See you later.
	South Park Elementary, next day. Mr. Wyland's class. He's at the chalkboard tallying up the votes. There are eight votes on each side of the board: eight on the left for "FLAG SHOULD CHANGE," eight on the right for "FLAG SHOULD STAY THE SAME"
ワイランド先生	Well I've counted up all your secret ballots, children, and it look like about half of you think the flag should stay, and half think the flag should be changed.
ウェンディ	How could any of you think that flag should stay the way it is?!
ワイランド先生	Save it for the debate, Wendy. Now I'm going to assign the debate leaders. Who wants to lead the "Flag Should Stay The Way It Is" team?
スタンとカイル	[raising their hands] Me. Me. Me. Me.
ウェンディ	[upset] Stan?! How could you be so insensitive?!
スタン	Whoa, dude, I don't see anything wrong with that flag.
カイル	Yeah, me neither.
ワイランド先生	Alright. Stan and Kyle, [turns and writes on the board] you can both be the team leaders for the "Flag should stay the way it is" team. [turns around. Their names are there now] Now, who wants to lead the "Flag should be changed" team? [an angry Wendy raises her hand. Cartman looks over at her, then raises his hand and chuckles] Okay, Wendy and Eric can team up. [writes their names on the board]
ウェンディ	[mortified] Nooo! [Cartman chuckles some more]
ワイランド先生	Alright, children. Do your homework, and let's get ready for a great debate!
	South Park Elementary, cafeteria. Kids enjoy their meals. Craig enters the kitchen, followed by Stan, Kyle, Butters, and someone else
スタンとカイル	Hello, Chef.
シェフ	[in a foul mood] My name isn't Chef anymore, children. I've converted to Islam.
スタン	Islam??
シェフ	From now on, my name is [points to his apron] Abdul Mohammed Jabar [points to the rest of his name on a sign held by an Arab assistant] Rauf Kareem Ali. [proceeds with preparing the trays] With everyone in town so insensitive about the flag, I find it no longer fitting to use my slave name!
スタン	Well, we need help with our debate club. We have to explain why we think the flag should not be changed.
シェフ	You WHAT?! [plants his fists on the counter while the assistant struggles to keep his half of the name sign in line with Chef's apron] You don't think they should change the flag?!
カイル	Not really.
スタン	Yeah, we don't see what the big deal is.
シェフ	[moves to his right and sets the ladle and a pot down] Well, that figures you don't! Because your cracker-ass parents turned you into little cracker-ass cracker-racists! I never thought I'd live to see this many of the people I considered friends turn against me!
スタン	But Chef, we don't know what you're talking about, it's--
シェフ	But nothin'! [picks up the ladle and throws it down] "But" my ass! Fix your own damn food! [hurries out, and his assistant quickly follows. Stan and Kyle look at each other, confused]
	South Park Elementary, school library. Wendy has assembled her team and leads them through preliminary items. In her team are Bebe, Clyde, Butters, Tolkien, Kevin, and three others. Cartman is not there yet.
ウェンディ	Okay. Now, in order for us the debate to change the South Park flag, we will need to do a lot of research. Now, my plan is to divide up into three research teams. We will present our arguments based on things that w-
カートマン	[enters] It's okay, I'm here.
ウェンディ	[glares at him for a few seconds] Nice of you to show up! We were just discussing how we should state our case.
カートマン	[begins pacing] Yes. This is a difficult case. In order to win the debate, we will need to attack Stan and Kyle's credibility.
ウェンディ	[stunned] What??
カートマン	That's how you win these things: attack your opponents' credibility! [starts barking orders] Butters! Take some kids and go dig up whatever dirt you can on Kyle's past. I'm talkin' booby magazines, whatever.
バターズ	Wwuhuh-o-kay! [hops off his chair. Wendy watches him leave]
カートマン	The rest of you, go get the goods on Stan! His mom grounded him once for setting something on fire. Let's find out what that something was, and then lie and say it was a puppy.
クライド	Right. [the others disperse, leaving Wendy and Cartman facing each other at the round table.]
カートマン	[takes out some Cheesy Poofs] Mmmm.
ウェンディ	[walks up to him] Cartman, we can't just attack Stan and Kyle's credibility. We need to present our side of the debate.
カートマン	You're right. We'll need to look like we prepared a case, too, so that they look all the weaker. Good plan. Sooo, what's the issue again?
ウェンディ	The South Park flag!
カートマン	Interesting. Aaand, what side are we on?
ウェンディ	D'aaaaahhh!
カートマン	Whoa! Calm down, ho. [eats some poofs]
	South Park City Hall, day. A Channel 4 field reporter is on scene. Chef is in the background dressed in a daishiki facing the Hall, with his fist up. Two groups of people are there, one on either side of him. The mayor and her assistants look out over the scene from her office
トム	["NEWS 4 LIVE!"] Tom, I'm standing out front of the South Park Mayor's Office, where both sides of this debate have gathered.
シェフ	Change the flag!
ジンボ	Don't change history!
町長	Oh brother, what now?!
シェフ	[background, as the reporter speaks] Change the flag! Change the flag!…
トム	Earlier, the South Park townspeople voiced their opinion.
男性4	[angry] Well, I think the flag is racist! [turns pensive] Huh, but then again, it is part of our history.
男性5	Well, I guess the flag is part of history, …but I can see how it is racist.
男性6	[flatly, slowly] I think it is history. I think it is racist.
トム	Well, one things for sure, tensions are high and pressure is mounting on the South Park Mayor to do something.
シェフ	[background, as the reporter speaks] …Change the flag! Change the flag! Change the flag! Change the flag! [the mayor simply looks down] In the 1960s there was a monk [shows a photo of Thích Quảng Đức in flames] who set himself on fire to protest! You have left me no choice! [lowers the photo] To protest your lack of humanity, I will now do the same thing! [raises a portable gas tank and a lighter, then pours the gasoline on a Tibetan monk and sets him on fire]
修行僧	[in flames] Huh! Haaaaaaaaaaaah! [dies]
KKK	[arriving] White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power!
トム	[stunned, then speaks] What's this? Uh, Tom, it looks as if the KKK have shown up to express their opinion.
KKKの指導者	[walks up to Jimbo and extends his hand.] Hello, brother. [Jimbo and his group turns to see the Klan] We are here to support your noble cause.
ジンボ	Huh? Uh hey now, uh. We don't want your support. We're not racists; this is about history.
ネッド	Yeah.
KKKの指導者	Well, whether you want our support or not, we're on your side! [he and the rest of the KKK face right and march away]
KKK	White Power! White Power! [Jimbo and the others watch them leave] White Power! White Power! [they take up positions in front of City Hall, facing Chef. A familiar figure is chanting with them] White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power!
シーラ	[arrives] Mr. Garrison, you're a Klan member?!
ギャリソン先生	NO, no, [steps out] but Mr. Hat is. [points to the puppet, which is dressed in a Klan robe and bends down a few times as if to say "hello"]
ギャリソン先生	[Voicing Mr. Hat] White Power! White Power!
ギャリソン先生	Ogh! You're such a racist bastard, Mr. Hat.
KKK	White Power!
シェフ	Change the flag!
ジンボ	Don't change history!
町長	Ooh, Jesus. What a mess.
	South Park City Hall, Mayor's office, later.
町長	Chef, we realize that you find the South Park flag racist, and we certainly understand your case. [shot of an angry Chef] We have been diligently working on this problem, put in a lot of hours, and we have finally altered the flag in a way that we think will make you very happy. Gentlemen? [her assistants lift up a flag and carry it to a clear area, then unfurl it for Chef to see] There. Is that better? [It looks the same…]
シェフ	No, damnit!
町長	[points to the black figure] No, but look! He's got a little smile now! [a close-up reveals closed eyes and a smile] See? He's happy. Much better, don't you think? [Chef just rises and walks out. The mayor lumps in her chair] Well, some people just won't work with you at all. This is getting out of hand. How do I absolve myself of an responsibility with this?
ジョンソン	Mayor, the-ee South Park Elementary children are discussing the flag issue in their debate club on Friday.
補佐	We… could use the debate as an excuse to hold a vote on the issue.
町長	Yes, of course. Let the children be responsible. Everybody loves children. Tell the press. South Park Elementary will be holding a vote on Friday!
	South Park Elementary, school library. Wendy has three stacks of books to pore over, Cartman is playing with his toys
ウェンディ	This might come in handy. It says here that recently a case was brought before the South Carolina Court about their flag, and they-
カートマン	I warn you, Bog Monster! Do not mock Captain Candycone! [as Bog Monster] O yeah?! How would you like I should kick you in the nuts?!
ウェンディ	If we could show a parallel between the South Carolina case-
カートマン	[as Captain Candycone] Ugh. Oh yeah?! I'll kick you in the nuts! [as Bog Monster] Ugh. I'll kick you in the nuts! [as Captain Candycone] I'll kick you in the nuts!
ウェンディ	Cartman, why don't you just go home?! You aren't helping any!
カートマン	You won't let me help.
ウェンディ	That's because you're stupid, and you're a racist!
カートマン	[thinks a moment…] …Touché. But dude, you might as well let me help you. We're in this together. I mean, just… tell me what to do, and I'll do it. [Wendy remains mad at him. He does Bog Monster] Wendih, let Cartman help. Seriouslih. [she averts her gaze, then breaks into a smile] Wendih. Seriouslih. [she chuckles] The Bog Monster speaketh.
	South Park, the offices of Brovlofski and Jackson, Attorneys At Law. Kyle and Stan have assembled their team there. Kenny, Craig and Tweek are there with two others.
カイル	Okay. since my dad's a lawyer, he says we can use any of his books we want. [Kenny chows down tablets from a blue bowl before him] Who wants to read them? [no one responds]
スタン	Come on, you guys. We all have to work on this!
カイル	Kenny, how many of my dad's mints are you gonna eat? Jesus!
ケニー	(Plenty. This is 'cause my family's poor.)
カイル	I know your family's poor, but you can't just eat an entire bowl of mints for dinner.
ケニー	(Ah, fuck you!) [gives him the finger]
スタン	I don't think we stand a chance in this debate, 'cause Wendy's leading the other side.
カイル	Dude, you're just saying that because she's your girlfriend.
ケニー	[burps] (Hey, can I have a drink of water?)
カイル	Yeah, you can have a drink of water. The dispenser's over there. [Kenny hops off and walks to the dispenser]
スタン	Yeah, you must be thirsty after eating 60 mints. [Mr. Broflovski enters]
ジェラルド	[stops behind Kenny's chair] Hey, boys, how's the research coming?
カイル	Pretty good, I guess.
スタン	Do you think they should change the flag?
ジェラルド	Oh, uuhh. I don't know. [picks up the empty bowl]
カイル	Kenny ate all the mints, dad.
ジェラルド	Oh, those weren't mints, those were antacid tablets.
カイル	Oh.
スタンとカイル	Kenny! [Mr. Broflovski looks in anticipation]
ケニー	[drinks the water, then looks at them] (What?) [the tablets start to fizz] (Oh oooooooOOOOOOOH!) [as his voice rises, his body balloons and foam comes out of all possible orifices. Then he bursts and parts of him fall all over. Some antacid squirts out of somewhere. At the table, body parts and antacid cover some books, parts of the table, and on parts of everyone left. The other students and Mr. Broflovski laugh. Stan and Kyle clap somewhat]
スタン	That was a good one.
	South Park City Hall. The KKK is still rallying. Mr. Hat keeps Mr. Garrison in place
KKK	White Power! White Power!
KKKの指導者	Do not change the flag! It is a symbol of white power!
KKK	White Power!
ギャリソン先生	[now next to the leader] Oohh, I'm sorry, Chef. Mr. Hat is a racist son of a bitch.
ギャリソン先生	[Voicing Mr. Hat] Don't apologize for me to that spearchucker!
ギャリソン先生	[shocked] Dugh! [covers his mouth. Chef looks at him an angry disbelief] Ogh. Waaaaah! [runs away]
シェフ	[approaches one group] How can you all just stand by and let these racists do this?!
バーブラディ巡査	Well, Chef, it's freedom of speech. We don't like it, but we can't arrest them for talking.
トム	Should the Klan be allowed to rally on the steps of the Capitol? Here's what some people think.
男性7	Well, I think they are racist, but I… do think freedom of speech is important.
男性8	Well, I, for one, believe in freedom of speech. …Mmm but then again, I think they are racist.
男性9	Well, I believe that they are racist, but I do believe that all-
シェフ	[shoves the man out of the way] Aw, to hell with all of you indecisive bastards!
トム	On Friday, South Park Elementary will present its debate, and after the debate, there will finally be a vote. Preliminary polls show three in favor of changing the flag, three against changing the flag, and 4382 undecided. [Results show on screen in text beside him]Z So the pressure in on those South Park kids!
KKKの指導者	Well, that's enough rallying for this afternoon, members. Let's take a hot shower!
KKK	Hot shower! Hot shower! Hot shower! [they march away]
ジンボ	[to Ned] Ned, nobody's gonna vote for our side if it's the side those KKK members are on. Come on, we gotta put a stop to them.
	South Park Elementary, school library, night. Wendy and Cartman are both laboring over books. Between them is a tray of Oreo cookies.
ウェンディ	I can't believe it. All the pressure's on us. I mean, this debate is going to actually affect the outcome of the vote.
カートマン	[aloof] Uh huh.
ウェンディ	Oh man, we've got to come up with rebuttals to the history argument.
カートマン	Why don't we just talk about the swastika?
ウェンディ	Huh?
カートマン	I mean, Germany was united under the swastika, right? But,… obviously history wasn't as important as changing the views after the war and stuff, so hey changed it.
ウェンディ	[mulls over the argument] Hey, that's a pretty good point, Cartman.
カートマン	Yeah.
ウェンディ	Not bad at all. I may make that our first argument. [takes a cookie]
カートマン	Cool.
ウェンディ	Double-stuffed cookies are my favorite. [starts eating]
カートマン	Really? Mine too. What I really like to do, is I like to take the tops off of two cookies, and then put them together and make "quadruple stuffs."
ウェンディ	Hey, that's what I always do, too!
カートマン	No way!
ウェンディ	Yeah. Jesus, I never thought I'd have anything in common with you, Cartman.
カートマン	Me neither. [Romantic music starts to play]
ウェンディ	Aha ha.
カートマン	Huh.
ウェンディ, Cartman	Well, anyway, let's get back to work. [two kids speak in unison]
カートマン	Whoa.
ウェンディ	Weird, um. Okay. Uh. Now, let's say that first we talk about the history of the flag. [reaches for a cookie] We can show that the- [Cartman's hand rests on hers. Their eyes meet and the music crescendos]
カートマン	[withdraws his hand] Ur, s-sorry. [shoves the plate to her a bit] Go ahead.
ウェンディ	No. [shoves the plate back, Music fades.] You go ahead.
	South Park transition music. Mr. Garrison's house, night. The living room. Mr. Garrison enters
ギャリソン先生	Mr. Hat, what do you think you're doing?
ギャリソン先生	[Voices Mr. Hat] There's another Klan rally tonight; I have to be there in 15 minutes.
ギャリソン先生	Ooh no, Mr. Hat. You are not dragging to another Klan meeting.
ギャリソン先生	[Voices Mr. Hat] But they're electing a new assistant to the Grand Dragon. I might get elected.
ギャリソン先生	Well, good for you, Puppet Pants! I'll have nothin' to do with it!
ギャリソン先生	[Voices Mr. Hat] I'm going whether you like it or not!
ギャリソン先生	Oh yeah?! [sits in his armchair and waits] I'm not going, Mr. Hat, and that's final! [looks away] Let's just see you try and go without me! [looks back again, and his right hand is bare] Mi-Mr. Hat?
	South Park, the woods. The KKK rallies around a burning cross.
KKK	White Power! White Power! White Power! [Jimbo and Ned rise up out of the brush and look at the rally] White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power!
ジンボ	[softly, during the rally] Alright, Ned. We've got to be careful. These are really evil men we're dealing with.
ネッド	Mmm-okay.
ジンボ	Damnit Ned, doesn't that thing have a volume control?
ネッド	No.
KKK	White Power! White Power!
KKKの指導者	[walks in and stands in front of the burning cross, raising his arms to quiet the group] Good evening, brothers. Our first order of business tonight is to have Brother Anderson update us on last week's minutes.
ブラザー・アンダーソン	Last week we decided we hate blacks and Jews. A lot!
KKKの指導者	Alright. And now it's time for us all to come together, and… do our cake raffle.
KKK構成員	[ad lib] Oh, cake raffle. [Jimbo and Ned look at each other]
KKKの指導者	This week's winner is… [reads the ticket] uh, 2 9 7 4.
2974番の札を持つ男性	[jumps for joy] I won, I won. [moves forward] I won the cake! [takes it and returns to his place]
KKKの指導者	God job, brother. [smattering of applause. Jimbo and Ned look on.]
	Happy music plays. A green and flowering meadow under a brilliant orange dawn. A happy Wendy walks in and grabs some flowers, then sniffs them deeply. She then looks behind her to find a topless Cartman sitting on a white steed under a bright yellow sun. Romantic music swells. The steed neighs
ウェンディ	[turns and runs to him] Cartman! [Cartman gets off the steed and runs to Wendy, his hair billowing in the wind]
カートマン	Ahh! [they run into each other's arms and tumble down, laughing all the while. At the bottom, Wendy's on her back and Cartman is on top of her]
ウェンディ	Say it'll be like this forever.
カートマン	Okay, It will be like this forever.
ウェンディ	Oh, Cartman! [Cartman looks at her, his hair billowing in the wind]
	Wendy's room, night. She rises in bed with a start. That scene in the meadow was a dream
ウェンディ	AAAAAAaaaah! [pants heavily, then dunks her head in the fish bowl on the little desk next to her bed.] Brrrrr. What's wrong with me? [hops down and heads for the bathroom, flips the lights on, goes to the sink, hops on a stool, and checks out her tongue and eyes, while Russell Crowe poster behind her stares on] Ahhh. It's okay. Get a grip, girl. [hops down and heads for the switch. She's about to turn off the lights when a voice stops her]
カートマンの声	Wendih. [she looks at the Russell Crowe poster next to the switch] Wendih. [Rusell's face stretches into one of Cartman]
ウェンディ	[shocked at the hallucination] Aaaah!
カートマンの声	[the face reverts to Russell's as the voice fades] Wendih, look at me.
ウェンディ	[turns around, looks up, then sits down with her face in her hands] Oh God, please don't let this be happening.
	South Park, the woods, deep in the night.
KKKの指導者	Alright brothers, listen up! [two more members looking suspiciously familiar show up, and the leader starts to pace back and forth] As you know, this fine city is holding a vote on whether or not to change their flag. But lynching minorities is history! So what are we gonna do about it?!
構成員1	Let's say that if they change the flag, we'll burn down the Capitol!
KKK構成員	Yeah!
構成員2	Let's say that if they change the flag, we'll never leave this town!
KKK構成員	Yeah!
ジンボ	[in KKK disguise] Let's say they should change the flag!
KKK構成員	Yeah! [turn to see the new member] Wah?
KKKの指導者	Uh what's that, brother?
ジンボ	I think we should switch sides!
ネッド	Me too. Nnn-that's a good idea.
ジンボ	Look, we have to accept the fact that most people in the world hate us, right?
KKK構成員	[rolling reaction] Yeah, m-hm.
ジンボ	So, whatever side we're on is the side that's gonna lose, right?
KKK構成員	[rolling reaction] Right, yeah.
ジンボ	So why don't we all say that we want the flag changed. That way, most folks'll vote to keep it the way it is.
KKKの指導者	That's a great idea, brother!
KKK構成員	[jubilant, jumping] Yeah!
KKKの指導者	Alright, it is decided! We will officially tell everyone that we want the flag changed, so that they will all vote against us!
KKK構成員	[ad lib] Hooray, yeah! [the two new members leave]
構成員	We're smart! [the two members head into the brush]
ジンボ	[both members take off their hoods] That worked perfectly, Ned.
KKKの指導者	Well alright, now that that's out of the way, it is time to play, "Whose got the silliest thing on under their robe?"
KKK構成員	[ad lib] Yeah, woohoo! [a member walks up to an organ and sits. He begins to play "If You're Happy And You Know It…" The rest form two lines and clap.]
	The contest. The first member walks down the middle and shows off his boxers with a heart design. The second comes in and shows off his lederhosen. The third comes in and shows off bikini briefs and garters. The fourth comes in and shows off a yellow bird costume.
ジンボ	[Watching from the bushes with their hoods now off]Jesus, Ned, these guys are completely nuts.
ネッド	Mm-yup.
	the fifth member comes in and shows off his hand-walking skills, and the sixth one shows off his penis… Jimbo and Ned walk away from the scene
ジンボ	[stops] That is the most insane thing I've ever seen. I can't believe those people are on our side. I mean, is our side that crazy? [some headlights pass over them and they shield their eyes. A station wagon rolls up with Chef behind the wheel. Jimbo waves hello.] Oh, hello, Chef. Big debate tomorrow, I guess. [Chef glowers at them for a few seconds. Dramatic music plays.] Oh, Jesus, the robes! Chef, this isn't what it looks like. You've gotta listen to us!
シェフ	I ain't gonna listen to nothin'! This whole cracker-ass town can kiss my ass! [peels off. Mud flies behind the Town & Country and splatters Jimbo and Ned]
ジンボ	Ned, I'm starting to think that maybe history ain't worth defendin' sometimes.
	Scene-change music. Wendy's house, morning, before school. Living room
ウェンディ	[leads Bebe in] Thanks for coming over, Bebe. I have something to tell you.
ベーベ	Sure, what?
ウェンディ	Bebe, I'm attracted to Cartman.
ベーベ	[shrieks and covers her ears] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
ウェンディ	[ashamed] I know.
ベーベ	Why would you tell me this? Why would you tell anyone this?
ウェンディ	Because I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate, and if I can't concentrate, then I can't win the debate tomorrow. The whole vote is dependent on me doing a good job-
ベーベ	Alright, look. When two people work closely for a long time, sometimes they feel what's called, "sexual tension." Sometimes you just have to act on impulse and get it over with.
ウェンディ	You mean, I should kiss him? [looks away embarrassed]
ベーベ	Kiss him and get it out of your system.
ウェンディ	[dreading] Oh God.
	South Park Elementary, the gym. Mr. Wyland is shown behind a podium, and the South Park flag hangs from some rafters behind him. Two tables are set up, one for each side of the debate. Behind the "FLAG SHOULD STAY THE SAME" table are Stan, Kyle, and two other boys. Behind the "FLAG SHOULD CHANGE" table are Wendy, Cartman, Tolkien, and Butters.
ワイランド先生	Well I certainly would like to thank all the parents for their support of our debate club. [the bleachers are shown. The mayor, Chef, Jimbo and Ned, and others are present] I r-realize that many of you are torn by the issues as well, so, perhaps the children can shed some light on us. We'll start with Wendy Testaburger on the "Flag Should Be Changed" team. [Wendy hops off her seat, then looks at Cartman and strokes her chin, then steps up to look at the audience. She looks again at Cartman. He's been watching her all the while, wondering where this is all headed]
ウェンディ	[Piano music implying a pending dramatic moment approaches. Wendy looks at the audience] The- [looks at Cartman] the- uh, [clears her throat] aheh ahum, [looks at Cartman] the… the- uh, [closes her eyes and pushes her hands out as if to push away the feelings swirling within] Ahhhhh, [exhales softly, then sighs] The first argument we- [her eyes snap back to Cartman, who's still watching her. Stan and Kyle watch as well] ah… [resets] Let me start over. [looks at Stan] The uh- [loses her rudder] oh God. Could you all excuse me for a moment? [steps down and kisses a surprised Cartman full on the lips while she makes high pitched, humming sounds] Mmmmmummmmeeemmeeemeeemmee...
聴衆	[ad lib] Oh. [Stan's jaw drops]
仰天する男性	[off camera] Oh, God! [Butters' and Tolkien's jaws drop. So does Chef's. Wendy finally releases the pucker, sighs in happy relief, and goes back to the podium]
ウェンディ	[confident now] There. Now, the main point we would like to make is oftentimes it is prudent to change history. As times change we hope to grow, and as we grow our rules must change. It is a natural part of evolution. Thank you. [steps down as people clap. Stan is still in shock that Wendy kissed Cartman. She sits down, Cartman looks at her, then places his hands behind his head in a supreme air of confidence and looks away]
ワイランド先生	Okay, and Kyle and Stan's team, your main point? [Kyle moves to the podium while Stan remains stunned]
カイル	Our main point is that the flag shouldn't offend anyone, because killing has been around since the beginning of time. All animals kill. [an astonished Stan looks as Cartman puts his right hand on the back of Wendy's chair and points at her with his left, winks, then does a victory hand dance. A smiling Wendy remains oblivious to this showing off] And the animals that don't kill are stupid ones, like cows and turtles and stuff. So people should not be so upset about killing. [returns to his seat amid a smattering of applause]
シェフ	[stands up] Whoa whoa whooaa! You just missed the point entirely!
カイル	Huh?
シェフ	I'm not mad because the flag shows somebody gettin' killed, It's because it's racist!
カイル's Team	[minus Stan who's mouth is still hanging open as he stares at Wendy] Racist??
シェフ	Children, don't you even know what this argument is about?! That flag is racist because a black man is being hung by white people.
カイルのチーム	[minus Stan still shocked] Ooooooohhh.
シェフ	Ooooooohhh?!
カイル	W-we really didn't see it that way.
シェフ	But that's a black man up there!
カイル	Y-yeah, but… the color of someone's skin doesn't matter.
シェフ	Well of course it matters when- [catches himself] …Oh my God. Wait a minute. You children didn't even see the flag as a black man being hanged by white people, did you?
カイルのチーム	[except stunned Stan] No.
シェフ	[deducing, marveling] Why, that is- that is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.
町長	What?
ワイランド先生	What?
シェフ	Don't you see? All this time I thought these little crackers had turned racist, when actually they were so not racist that they didn't even make a separation of black and white to begin with. All they saw when they looked at that flag was five people.
数人	Awww.
KKKの構成員たち	Awww.
カイル	Yeah. [Cartman is still showing off, Wendy remains oblivious, Stan remains shocked]
シェフ	I'm sorry, children. I was wrong about you. But I still the flag needs to be changed. But now I realize that I almost let racism turn me into a racist.
ジンボ	Yeah. You know, uh I suddenly found myself on the side of Klan members. I've never had anything against blacks, Chef.
シェフ	Oh, I know you don't, Jimbo. I've known you for almost ten years. You're a good man.
ジンボ	We've been way too divisive over this, Chef. Maybe we can come up with a- compromise flag—something that everybody can be happy with.
シェフ	I think that's a much better start than me tryin' to separate myself from all you wonderful crackers.
聴衆	[relieved, ad lib] Ooh, huhuh. Oooh [Stan's astonished gaze was fixed on Cartman and Wendy all that time while Cartman continued his happy hand dance.]
カイル	Oh. Sweet, dude. I don't think we have to do this stupid debate now. [waves his hand in front of Stan to get his attention] Stan?
	South Park City Hall, day. The Mayor has called a town meeting at City Hall and now stands at her podium with the town gathered before her. Something hangs above her covered by a brown curtain
町長	This has been an interesting week in South Park. We've all done a lot of growing this week. [shot of the crowd, some of them smiling] Everyone was afraid to take a stand on this issue. But now we have learned once again that black, white, yellow, brown, or whatever, we are all just people. And so, I am very excited to unveil our new South Park Flag! [The curtain falls away to reveal the same flag, only with the five people, including the hanged man, holding hands. The crowd cheers. From left to right: a white man, a yellow man, the hanged black man, a red man, and another black man]
スタン	[recovered, looks at the flag] Wait, I don't get it.
カイル	No, see? There's people of all colors. And they added a black guy as one of the hangers, too, so it's not racist.
シェフ	Hooray!
ジンボ	I have to admit it, that is a lot nicer.
ウェンディ	Phew. I'm sure glad that's over with. [the applause begins to die down]
カートマン	Me, too!
ウェンディ	[applause stops, background music plays] I can't believe how right Bebe was about feeling under pressure with somebody. As soon as it was over, all my feelings for you just vanished.
カートマン	[fronting] Oh, huh. Yeah. Yeah, totally huh.
ウェンディ	I'm totally back to normal. See you later. [the crowd disperses behind her as she pats Cartman's shoulder]
カートマン	Yeah. See you later, heh. Ho, [finger points at her] huhuh, he, haha.
ウェンディ	Hahaha. [looks off to her right] Stan. Stan, wait up! [hurries away to catch up to him. Cartman looks at her, then away, then at her long, then away, than at her quick one last time, then looks down and sighs. He turns to his left and walks away, dejected]
Chef Goes Nanners終了