"Mexican Joker/台本" | "Band in China/台本" | "Shots!!!/台本" |
キャスト[]
- スタン・マーシュ:Stan Marsh
- バターズ・ストッチ:Butters Stotch
- ジミー・ヴァルマー:Jimmy Valmer
- ケニー・マコーミック:Kenny McCormick
- カイル・ブロフロフスキー:Kyle Broflovski
- エリック・カートマン:Eric Cartman
- マッケイ先生:Mr. Mackey
- ランディ・マーシュ:Randy Marsh
- シャロン・マーシュ:Sharon Marsh
- スティーブン・ストッチ:Stephen Stotch
- リンダ・ストッチ:Linda Stotch
- マクダニエルズ町長:Mayor McDaniels
- ミッキーマウス:Mickey Mouse
- くまのプーさん:Winnie the Pooh
- ピグレット:Piglet
- 中国の税関職員:Chinese Customs Officers
- 中国の裁判官:Chinese Court Judges
- 中国人の店員:Chinese Shopkeeper
- ケイト&アール:Kate & Earl
- ミッチェルと乗客2:Mitchell and Passenger 2
- 乗客1:Passenger 1 (Dave Fitzsimmons)
- スピニー・マウンテン・レコードのプロデューサー:Spinny Mountain Records Producer
- ソー:Thor
台本[]
Band in China | |
The Marsh house, day. Stan plays an acoustic guitar in his room and hums softly, writing down lyrics from time to time | |
[pops in for a moment] Stan! Family meeting! Get downstairs! [leaves] | |
I'm writing a song, Dad. | |
[returns] Nobody cares about that! Come on! I've got big news! [runs down the hallway and downstairs, laughing, and enters the dining room. Shelley is at the table reading her phone, Sharon is at the sink] Sharon! Shelly! Hurry! I've got it! [runs out to the living room. The others follow him there. Stan has his guitar and sits on the sofa] | |
What is it, Randy? | |
You guys, I've just had the greatest idea ever! | |
We're gonna move back to our old house? | |
No! I've been trying to figure out how to make more money selling weed. And last night, it came to me. We could grow the family business by selling Tegridy... to the Chinese. [an epiphany plays] I did a little research. Turns out there's a lot of people in China. If we can get like 2% of that market to buy our weed, we'd make millions and millions of dollars! I'm flying to China tomorrow. I've got to get in on this before anyone else thinks of it. [walks towards the kitchen] | |
Tomorrow? Ugh! [cuts him off and pulls him aside] Randy, are you forgetting about this Saturday? | |
What's this Saturday? | |
Autumnfest? Stan's concert? He and his little friends have been rehearsing all week. A lot of people in town are coming out to support him. Everyone but you? | |
Everyone? [turns to Stan and whips out a Tegridy Farms shirt] Stan, you need to wear your Tegridy T-shirt at the performance. | |
Aw, come on, Dad! | |
Stan, they're available on Amazon starting Friday, so you could really help promote the family business while I'm gone! [walks up to Stan] But, then again, I guess family doesn't mean all that much to you. [tosses the shirt onto Stan and walks away] | |
Autumn Fest, day. A crowd mills around the festival as more people arrive. A horseshoe lands around a pole and Mr. Tweak is shown rejoicing as Mrs. Tweak and Tweek look on. The Blacks walk away from a food stand. Steve carries a burger while Token holds a cotton candy cone. A couple sings onstage. She plays the banjo while he plays the fiddle. | |
Tumbleweeds and squirrels, my darlin'. | |
Yeah. | |
Okay, that was the South Park Soundaroos! Thanks again to Kate and Earl! Alright, up next we have four of our local South Park fourth graders who have formed a band. Let's hear it for Stan Marsh and Crimson Dawn. [applause swells] | |
Hi, Stanley! [waves to him as she holds up her phone to record him. Shelley stands next to her, and Grandpa sits behind them. Behind them is the McCormick family. Crimson Dawn gets onstage, with Stan on vocals, Butters on guitar, Kenny on bass, and Jimmy on drums.] | |
Hoh, there's our Butters. | |
[swooning] Oh, Butters! Oh, aren't they cute? | |
[nervously] Um, hi. We're Crimson Dawn, and um, this is a song I wrote about living out in the country, on a farm. | |
Alright, f-f-f-fellas, just like we rehearsed it. And-a 1, and-a 2, and -a [death metal music plays.] | |
[growls] | |
Get me off this farm! | |
There is no hope, no second chance! | |
A jet airplane, day. Passengers enter the cabin. Randy soon appears and takes a seat next to a passenger who's reading his phone, sets down his satchel, and buckles up. | |
First time goin' to China? | |
Uhn, no, not really. | |
[cheerfully] It's my first time. I'm goin' out to try and drum up a little "business." What are you headin' out for? | |
Uh, I work for a clothing company. We're trying to break into the market and get the Chinese people as customers. | |
Ohhh, huhuh, heeeyy. Fuck you. | |
Huh? | |
I, I had that idea like three days ago. | |
So what? | |
So when did you come up with it? [two other passengers appear two rows behind them.] | |
Hehey, Mitchell, you're on this flight? | |
Yeah, that's so funny! I'm working for Google now, overseeing the expansions into the Chinese user base. | |
Heh, yeah, I'm still with the NBA doing some press with the players to try to... get more Chinese viewers. | |
[looks around and sees three NBA players come in and put their carry-on luggage in overhead bins] Oh, for Christ's sake! You have a good idea and everyone wants to copy you! Fine! I can handle some healthy competition! Who else wants to go to China and get some of their money?! [a bunch of Disney characters stream in from the front of the cabin] Oh, for cryin' out loud! [Thor sits next to Randy] Let me guess. You work for a company trying to get Chinese people as customers. "Wow, where'd you get that idea?" [a First Order Stormtrooper sits to Thor's right, Snow White to the Passenger 1's left.] It's okay, it's okay. I'm sure there's plenty of Chinese people for all of us. | |
Tegridy Farms, day. Stan's band is practicing in the barn | |
[growling]
Searching, wandering [a man appears in the barn doorway and snaps his fingers to the song. Stan notices and stops the music] Okay, okay. Wait uh, hang on, guys. [Stan, Butters and Jimmy look back at the man, Kenny looks at Stan.] | |
[claps at them] Very good, boys! [stops clapping] I hear you guys play at Autumnfest. I really like your sound. | |
Who are you? | |
Well I'm a producer. I manage all the big rock bands in South Park. PC Babies... All of them!. | |
You manage the PC Babies? Holy smokes, fellas! They're huge | |
You wanna sign us so we can make a record and I can move away from here? | |
Records? What, are you, kids, from the '90s!? There's no money in albums or singles or even tours anymore. What we need to focus on... is your biopic. | |
Biopic? You want to make the Crimson Dawn Biopic? | |
PC Babies' biopic came out last week. Made over $100 million! | |
Wow wee! | |
(What do ya think, Stan?) | |
Well I'll just let you guys think on it, but don't take too long, huh? | |
International Airport in China, day. Chinese music plays as Randy walks through the airport and other passengers pick up their luggage. He walks up to customs. Two inspectors check the luggage of two passengers; the female inspector sends them on their way. | |
谢谢。下一位。["Thank you. Next."] | |
[puts his suitcase on the scanner] Hello. Howdy. [hands his passport to the male inspector as the female inspector checks out the suitcase.] I'm a small business owner from the United States. You guys know any money people here? [the female inspector unzips the suitcase] Can I give you guys my card? I'm just starting to grow my business here in China. [the female inspector opens the suitcase to reveal the marijuana. The inspectors are shocked.] | |
等一下,你看看这个。["Wait a minute, look at this"] | |
What is this, sir? | |
Oh that? That's weed. Marijuana. You know. [simulates a smoke and then the smoke drifting away, then smiles. The female calls security over as Randy checks his Chinese translation app.] | |
保安,保安!赶紧过来!["Security, security! Get over here!"] | |
Ah, here. Here we go. Jay shi daamaa Tegridy Weed. [an officer just comes up and handcuffs him.] Whoa! Oh hey! Everything alright? What's going on? [the officer takes him away] Uh hey, don-don't forget my suitcase! C-could you grab my suitcase? All my weed is in there! Excuse me! Jay shi daamaa! | |
Spinny Mountain Records, day. The record producer lays out his plan for the boys. He stands next to a whiteboard with three-act listed on it. The acts haven't been filled in yet. | |
What makes a band truly great? It's the desire to be heard, and a commitment to a three-act structure that has a 20-minute setup, about an hour and a half of conflict, and a big, triumphant resolution. SO, let's start at the beginning, gang. When did your band first form? | |
Uuummm, it was about two weeks ago. | |
Yeah. As a matter of fact, two and a half, three weeks ago, I'd say. | |
I hah, I hah, I hadn't seen my friend Kyle, and I hate living on a farm, so I started writing songs. | |
That's good, that's good. [writes under Act I] "Lost a close friend. Put loneliness into lyrics." | |
Yeah, and then Stan came to me, and then I said "Well I can play the drums." | |
But he already asked me to play the drums | |
Well, so yeah, I, okay, I'll play guitar. | |
[writes under Act 2] "Inner conflict over direction of band." Good. | |
Oh. And then Kenny learned to play bass watching YouTube videos of John Lennon with the Dalai Lama. | |
Oh no oh OH oh yeah, no no, we don't wanna go there. Talking about the Dalai Lama doesn't go over well with the Chinese. | |
The the the what? | |
Look, for this movie to really make money, we need to make sure it clears the Chinese censors, you know. We want those Chinese viewers.. | |
[somewhat upset] Aw, seriously? | |
Oh it's okay, there's plenty of other things to talk about with your story. How about, uh, what kind of things were you into when you were younger? | |
Well, I always liked Winnie the Pooh. | |
Okay-oh no. Nonono, that's definitely off-limits. Winnie the Pooh is illegal in China because some Chinese students said that he looked like the Chinese president, | |
Oh, come on. That's ridiculous! | |
Hey, you wanna move away from your family, right? You wanna be successful on your own, right? | |
[a bit defeated] Yeah. | |
All right. Well, you know what they say you gotta lower your ideals of freedom if you wanna suck on the warm teat of China. | |
A Chinese prison, rainy day. A group of prisoners is sent across a yard, Randy struggles to keep up. A soldier strikes a prisoner on the left cheek with the butt of a rifle. Next scene is the prisoners assembling toy robots in a dimly lit room. Next scene is the rainy yard again. Randy stands in the middle of it alone as soldiers stand far away from him. One of the soldiers approaches and gives him a card to read, then shocks him to get him to speak. | |
Aaaugh. I am a proud member of the Communist Party, The Party is more important than the individual. [next scene has the prisoners assembling dolls in a brightly lit room. Someone is moaning outside, and he goes to the window to see who it is.] | |
不要!求求你放过我吧!不要,不要,求求你... [A prisoner is on his knees begging for his life. A soldier walks up and just shoots him, and he falls over. Randy is unnerved by this. Randy is then taken to a cell full of prisoners and thrown in. Nearby, a prisoner poops into a hole in the ground. Randy is alarmed] | |
Oh, hello there. | |
[a bit spooked] Who, who's there? | |
Nobody. Just a bear. [steps into the light. Piglet shows up next to him] I was wondering since you're new if you might have... some honey? | |
No, I don't have any honey. Are you prisoners here? | |
Some people said Pooh looked like the Chinese p-p-p-president, so we're illegal in China now. | |
Jesus. What kind of madhouse is this? | |
Tribunal, day. Two guards flank a prisoner as he pleads his case. The judge responds and the prisoner gets down on his knees. The guards soon carry him off. The judge asks for the next case, and Randy is brought up | |
我求你原谅我。我是个很烂的人。我再也不会取笑共产党了。["Please forgive me, I beg you. I'm just a useless person. I won't make fun of the Communist Party anymore."] | |
你为你的国家和家人为耻。再补上十年!["You have brought shame to your country and your family. Another ten years for you!"] | |
不要!我求你不要!我不能再回去了,我不能再回去!["No! Please don't! I can't go back, I can't go back!"] | |
快把下一位带进来!["Bring in the next one!"] | |
Your Honors, I'm just a simple farmer, from a simpler time. Now, I've never been to China before, but I hate to say I'm a little disappointed in all of you. From what I've seen, you seem to treat your people like dirt. You don't believe in any individual freedoms. I mean, you got Winnie the Pooh and Piglet in jail! Now, come on, China! You know, a country ain't nothin' unless it's got decency and in-tegrity! And I think I speak for Pooh and Piglet and all of Disney when I say you could use some 'tegrity, China! [brightens up] Now, it just so happens that I own a Tegridy farm. And I think I might be able to work out a deal for all you nice folk. | |
South Park Elementary, day. Stan, Jimmy, Kenny, and Butters walk down the hallway. | |
This is so awesome, you guys. Our band is gonna be huge. | |
Yeah. And, we're gonna be rich. | |
(They're the same thing.) | |
[annoyed] Yeah. Isn't this just great? | |
Hey. What's wrong, Jimmy? | |
Fella, I need to tell you something. I think I'm homosexual. And also, I'm addicted to cocaine. | |
Oh, that's okay, Jimmy. | |
Yeah, we can get you a liver transplant. | |
Cut! Cut! Listen, guys, we uh just got word back from the Chinese censors. They don't want us mentioning organ transplants. | |
How come? | |
Well, they've been accused of harvesting from the-look look, it doesn't matter. They, they just said "no" to the organ stuff. Oh, and uhh, no homosexuality either. | |
No homosexuality?! We're trying to do a band biopic! | |
Yeah! And what's wrong with homosexuality anyway?! | |
Nothing. Unless you wanna make money in China. Now come on! Everyone back to one! | |
A convention, somewhere. Disney, Marvel, and Star Wars characters from Pirates of the Caribbean, Beauty and the Beast, The Avengers, Frozen, Snow White, Winnie the Pooh, Aladdin, and others stand around chatting with each other. | |
[opens the door and enters the hall] All right?! Who's the asshole?! Which one of you decided to go and start badmouthing the Chinese government?! Haha. Who here thought they had permission to say anything critical of Chinese politics?! | |
Well, it is true, sir. The Chinese seem to exploit their own people in forced labor cam- | |
SHUT THE FUCK UP, THOR! You're here to flex and not speak, you fucking bitch! | |
Please, Mr. Marsh was only standing up for me and Piglet because we were political prisoners. | |
YOU are a fat diabetic bear, and if the Chinese don't want you, then I don't either! Now, who the fuck is Mr. Marsh?! | |
Uhhh, that's me. Randy Marsh | |
Who is this?! I don't know you?! Are you from Pixar?! | |
No, I'm from South Park. | |
What's South Park? Do I own that?! | |
No, not yet sir. | |
You're telling me, haha, that I'm losing Chinese customers because of some shithead that's not even from MY company?! | |
Hey, hold on a minute! Do you really think this business should be run through intimidation and fear?! Whatever happened to old-time values?! You already have business with the Chinese. You have all the connections money can buy! But there's one thing you don't have. That's Tegridy. Now, it just so happens- | |
Mr. Mackey's office, day. | |
Boys, I understand you have a band at the school? | |
Yeah. what's wrong with that? | |
Well, boys, it seems to me like your music is kind of... angry. M'kay? I mean, it's really loud, m'kay, and it's a little angry. | |
Yeah, because I hate living on a farm 30 miles out of town! | |
Yeah, tell him, Stan! | |
I can't stand my dad anymore, and if I want to do death metal, I can! It's a free country! | |
Cut! Cut! Cut, cut. [flanked by two Chinese officials] Ah kids, let's not say anything about this being a free country. | |
Aw, come on! | |
Hey! These guys were nice enough to come all the way from China to help us with our standards. We can at least listen to their notes. [One of the two men whispers into his ear.] Oh. Oka-okay. Okay. [to the boys] Actually gang, we need to rewrite the whole second act. | |
But that will take forever! | |
Come on, guys! Everyone else is fine with China approving our entertainment. Even the PC Babies don't seem to mind, and PC Babies cry about everything. [approaches Stan] They just gotta rewrite the script before we continue shooting. Go back to your room and just write your story. It has to come from your heart. | |
The Chinese tribunal, day. Mickey is making his case. He now tries to sell the Chinese on Randy's business proposal, and just like in South Park, the proposal was rejected. Mickey and Randy sit on a bench smoking weed. Mickey is pissed off. | |
It's like, it's like they didn't even wanna listen. | |
They didn't listen at all? But I... wuh-why not? | |
It's the bear. They're still pissed off about the bear. | |
But for what? | |
'Cause some Chinese people on the Internet starting posting pictures of their President as Winnie the Pooh. It's a real thing. Look it up. [on Tegridy] Man, this is really good shit. | |
What if we took their side, then? What if we showed China that we understand how they feel to be made fun of on the Internet? | |
Tegridy Farms, night. Stan is in his room working on the second act. He hears the producer's words in his mind: "Remember: write your story. The script has to come from your heart." He begins to write, then picks up speed and smiles. He's found his groove. A Chinese censor walks up behind him and looks over his work. The censor walks some more, then turns and scribbles over the script. Stan looks up, surprised, but starts over. The censor paces behind him and stops again to scribble the script out. Stan sighs. Annoyed, Stan shields his paper and starts writing again. When he's finished, he hands the script to the censor, who finds it funny, but he reaches a part he doesn't find funny. | |
嗯?这是什么?!你给中国人丢脸啊!["Huh? What is this? This is a disgrace to the Chinese people!"] [The censor rips the script apart. Stan sighs again and tosses the pencil aside, pulls out his laptop, and start writing the script there. The Censor looks on, then intervenes, and rewrites the script. They go back and forth working on the script. After yet another edit, Stan rests his head on his left hand.] | |
Now I know how all the writers in Hollywood feel. [the censor laughs, then complains.] | |
嗯?这是什么?!["Huh? What is this?"] | |
Beihing, day. In a Chinese bazaar, Pooh and Piglet wander freely. | |
My Goodness. China sure is a big p-p-p-p-place. | |
Yes, Piglet. It is. Too big, I think, to find what I need. [turns left into a shop] Excuse me. | |
Huh? | |
Would you happen to have... some honey? | |
啊!我不要麻烦!我不要麻烦!走!["Ah! Don't bother me, don't bother me! Leave!"] | |
Oh bother. This just doesn't seem to be the place... for a bear. | |
[looks right] Wait. Pooh. Loo-l-l-look, look. [Winnie looks. In the middle of an alley is a table with a jar of honey on it.] | |
Ooo, piglet! What wonderful luck! [rushes to the table and starts gobbling up the honey.] What delicious honey! Mmm. I would like to share, Piglet. Perhaps... I will share. In just a few more slurps, I can. [Randy pounces up behind him and chokes him with a cable, then takes him down to the pavement] | |
[looks on in horror] W-W-What are you do--Wha--No! Ohh! [Pooh continues to struggle, as blood begins to come out his neck. It takes a while, but Randy gets it done. Pooh is dead. Randy's face is covered in Pooh's blood.] | |
South Park, day. The boys sit on the sidewalk curb | |
I can't do it anymore, you guys. I can't even think with the Chinese government censoring everything I write. | |
So there's not gonna be a biopic movie for us? | |
It's so wrong. You know, I mean, we live in a time when the only movies us American kids go see are ones that are approved by China. | |
Yeah. It' like China is the new MPAA. | |
Stinks to say goodbye to all that biopic money and glory. | |
We just gotta face it. A death metal band is never gonna make real money anymore. The only band that would get approved by China would be all vanilla and cheesy. [gets emotional] I'm gonna have to live on that fucking farm forever. [lowers his head and sobs quietly. Butters comforts him. The ICE bus pulls up and drops off Kyle and Cartman.] | |
[looks up] Kyle! Dude, you're back! [rushed up to meet him. The other boys follow.] | |
Yeah, the migrant detention camp was kewl, but it kinda rubs Kyle the wrong way. [puts up his right hand and points to it with his left] | |
Anything happen while we were gone? | |
Not really. We just almost had a biopic made for our band, but ...wait a minute... [his eyes dart around as he thinks] Wait, vanilla and cheesy! I've got it. I've got it! | |
Broncs, Live Aid, 1984, at Invesco Field. This is a fabrication, as the boys weren't alive back then, or they'd be men now. Jimmy walks up to the drums and starts drumming. Butters walks in playing electric guitar and wails away. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny walk in dressed in their Fingerbang outfits | |
Fingerbang-bang! | |
Cut. Cut, cut! [the special effects disappear and the green screen in the gym is shown] This is all wrong. | |
No, it's good, kids! They're loving it! | |
Yeah, but I can't sell my soul like this. I want to get away from that farm, more than anything, but it's not worth living in a world where China controls my country's art. [one of the censor's protests] I don't care how many people you have! I've got something in me that just won't let me be a part of all this. | |
Yeah! Whatever it is, I got it too! | |
Yeah! | |
I wanna be proud of who we are, guys! And anybody who would betray their ideals just to make money in China isn't worth a lick of spit! | |
a Chinese video, similar to the gentrification commercials of Season 19. An acoustic guitar slowly plays over live-action footage of the 2015 China Victory Day Parade as well as people smoking, prisoners marching and clashes between protesters and riot police. | |
Us Chinese people have always liked things the old fashioned way. We like things a little simpler, a little quieter. And now, there's a new weed that goes along with China's beating heart. Because after a hard day of forced labor, or getting beaten for criticizing the government, we all could use a little time with some good ol'... It's the soul of the American West, right here in mother China. All hail the Communist Party, and all hail Tegridy weed. | |
Tegridy Farms, day. A tractor backs up with a load of cash and dumps it onto the entrance. then drives off. Inside, the Marshes are eating dinner. Randy is back home but covered in Pooh's blood. He takes a hit from his joint. | |
Well, gang, looks like the family business is starting to really turn the corner. I don't know about you, but I, for one, think the world is gonna be a better, and safer, place, now that China finally has Tegridy.[takes another hit] | |
[notices his dad's appearance] Dad, why are you covered in honey and blood? [Randy just looks over his appearance] Dad? Did you kill Winnie the Pooh? | |
Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh- Oh, yeah, I did kill Winnie the Pooh. [Stan just gets up and leaves.] Where are ya goin', Stan? | |
I'm going to go write another song about you. | |
Ooo, about me? Make sure it talks about me bringing Tegridy to China! | |
Band in China終了 |
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エピソードの要素 |
秋祭り • ランディ・マーシュ • スタン・マーシュ • 中国 • クリムゾン・ドーン • テグリディ・ファーム • くまのプーさん | ||||
ナビゲーション | |||||
発行物 |
South Park: The Complete Twenty-Third Season |