All About Mormons/台本

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台本

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"Casa Bonita/台本"

"All About Mormons/台本"

"Butt Out/台本"

キャスト

• スタン・マーシュ：Stan Marsh
• カイル・ブロフロフスキー：Kyle Broflovski
• エリック・カートマン：Eric Cartman
• ハリソン家：The Harrisons
  • ゲーリー・シニア：Gary Sr.
  • カレン：Karen
  • マーク：Mark
  • ジェニー：Jenny
  • ゲーリー・ジュニア：Gary Jr.
  • デイヴ：Dave
  • アマンダ：Amanda
• マーシュ家：The Marshes
  • ランディ・マーシュ：Randy Marsh
  • シャロン・マーシュ：Sharon Marsh
  • シェリー・マーシュ：Shelly Marsh
• ハーバート・ギャリソン：Herbert Garrison
• クライド・ドノヴァン：Clyde Donovan
• バターズ・ストッチ：Butters Stotch
• クレイグ・タッカー：Craig Tucker
• トールキン・ブラック：Tolkien Black
• ジョセフ・スミス：Joseph Smith
• マーティンとルーシー・ハリス：Martin and Lucy Harris
• 執事：Butler
• 鍛冶屋、客、女性：Blacksmith, Customer, and Woman
• 白い肌のネーティブ・アメリカン天使「モロナイ」：Moroni, White Native American Angel

台本

All About Mormons
	South Park Elementary, day. In Mr. Garrison's classroom the kids enter and go for their desks.
ギャリソン先生	Okay, children, let's take our seats. [a blond boy stands to his left] We have a new student joining us today who has just moved here from Utah. I want you all to say hi to Gary. [Gary looks around. The kids don't say a word]
ゲーリー	Hello everybody. It's really great to meet you all.
ギャリソン先生	Gary was state champion in wrestling AND in tennis. [Stan, Kyle, and Kenny look at each other] He also maintained a 4.0 grade point average at his old school AND has been on two national commercials for toothpaste.
ゲーリー	I'm really excited to live in this town and share all kinds of great experiences with you, my new friends!
カイル	[quietly, to Stan] Oh, dude, what a little asshole!
スタン	Yeah, screw that kid!
ギャリソン先生	All right, Gary, why don't you take that empty seat and we'll get started with the lesson? [Gary goes to the seat to Cartman's right as Cartman looks on with some trepidation. Once Gary is seated, Cartman lurches away from him about six inches]
ゲーリー	[offering a handshake] Hey. My name's Gary.
カートマン	[falsetto] Hi. My name's Eura. Eura F**.
ゲーリー	[laughs] That's funny. You're cool, man.
ギャリソン先生	Okay now, who can tell me what year the first astronauts landed on the moon? [writes "Moon Landing" on the board]
ゲーリー	[without hesitation] Oh! Oh oh oh! Nineteen sixty nine!
ギャリソン先生	Very good, Gary. Wow, looks like I don't have a class full of r****** anymore, doesn't it, children? [writes "1969" on the board]
	The playground. Gary is kicking a soccer ball around. The other fourth grade boys approach and look. Shown are Craig, Butters, Kyle, Clyde, Stan, Cartman, Token, Kevin, and another boy
カイル	Dude, that new kid is such a douche!
カートマン	Yeah. Somebody needs to put him in him place!
バターズ	He's a peckerface, that's what he is!
カートマン	Go kick his ass, Stan.
クライド	Yeah, go kick his ass.
スタン	Well, maybe he won't fight.
カートマン	Will he bleed? That's all we care about.
カイル	Come on, dude, somebody needs to wipe that fuckin' smirk off his face!
クレイグ	Yeah, little bitch!
スタン	All right, I'm gonna go kick his ass. [leaves]
カートマン	Yeah! Go Stan! Go Stan! [then, when Stan is gone, softly] All right, I've got five bucks on the other kid. Who wants in?
ゲーリー	[looks up as Stan approaches] Oh hey there! You wanna kick the ball around with me?
スタン	No. I'm... I'm gonna kick your ass.
ゲーリー	Excuse me?
スタン	I'm gonna kick your ass... [glances back] bitch.
ゲーリー	How come you wanna fight me? ...Oh, I get it. I'm the new kid. [sigh] Yeah, I guess maybe I deserve it.
スタン	[off guard] Huh?
ゲーリー	It's really tough being in a totally new place, but I think all you guys are really cool so... I understand if there's initiation rites.
スタン	Dude, stop it.
バターズ	[back in the crowd] Let him have it, Stan!
スタン	Shut up, Butters!
ゲーリー	The other kids are watching. Look, do what you gotta do. I won't fight back. I just hope that maybe afterwards we can... try to be friends someday.
カイル	[back in the crowd] What are they doing?
カートマン	They're just standing there, talking. [A few moments later, Stan returns defeated. He glances back at Gary, then approaches the other boys]
カイル	What happened? [Stan glances back, then looks at Kyle]
スタン	I'm... [stares back at Gary] going over to his house for dinner tonight.
トールキン	What?! How did that happen?
スタン	[stammering] He's a really nice kid.
カートマン	You were supposed to kick his ass, not lick his butthole!
カイル	You're having dinner with his family? What kind of family has a kid like that?
	Gary's house. His family is enjoying itself at the dinner table, playing a board game, "LIVING", and laughing.
ゲーリー父	Okay, my turn. [turns a little wheel] Ooo, five! [moves his piece] One two three four five. Uh, awww, lost your mortgage, pay ten thousand dollars! Oh no! [they all laugh. Gary and Stan enter]
ゲーリー母	Hey, it's Gary!
ゲーリー姉	Gary!
ゲーリー兄	Great to see you!
ゲーリー母	How are you?
ゲーリー	Hey everybody! This is my new friend Stan. Stan, this is my mom and dad.
ゲーリー父	Hi Stan!
ゲーリー母	It's so nice to meet you.
ゲーリー	[the camera pans to the older brother] And this is my brother Mark.
マーク	Hi!
ゲーリー	[then to the older sister] My sister Jenny.
ジェニー	Hey!
ゲーリー	My little brother Dave.
デイヴ	Hi!
ゲーリー	And my baby sister Amanda.
アマンダ	[removes her pacifier] Hello Stan!
ゲーリー父	Well, it's great you could join us for Family Home Evening, Stan!
スタン	What's that?
ゲーリー	That's when we don't allow any TV and just entertain each other with music and stories. Doesn't your family ever do that?
スタン	No.
ゲーリー父	Hey kids! Why don't you grab your instruments and play a song for Stan!
ジェニー	Oh yeah!
マーク	All right! Let's play! [the kids grab their instruments. Jenny and Gary take guitars, Mark takes a trumpet, Dave takes the drums, and Amanda takes the little piano. The kids launch into song]
ゲーリー	Yeah yeah, yeah, I love my family! My family is the best! If we ever have to face a challenge.
子供たち	My family!
ゲーリー	Can pass the test. [the parents bounce softly to the beat. Next scene, the family is back at table for dinner. Mom comes in with a big turkey platter]
ゲーリー父	Oh boy! Who is the best Mom in the world?? [the rest of the family chatters. Next scene shows Dave juggling three balls]
マーク	All right! Go Dave!
ゲーリー	Yeah!
ジェニーとマーク	Woohoo! [next scene is Mark doing Shakespeare's "Hamlet", with skull]
マーク	Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? [next scene is Amando in Russian dress, dancing]
ハリソン家	Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! [next scene, they're all laughing at something]
マーク	That's a great story, Sarah.
ゲーリー父	All right, kids, now how about we do some Scripture readings! From the Book of Mormon!
マーク	All right!
子供たち	Yeah!
マーク	Woohoo! OOWW!
スタン	The... Book of Mormon? What's that?
ゲーリー	You know... the book that Joseph Smith found.
スタン	Who's Joseph Smith? [they laugh at his ignorance]
マーク	Only the most important person in the world.
ジェニー	You've never heard of him?
スタン	No!
ゲーリー	Tell us the story of Joseph Smith, Dad.
子供たち（ゲーリー以外）	Oh yes, tell us Dad. Yeah Dad. All right.
ゲーリー父	All right, you rascals. Gather round. [the kids draw closer to their dad] Joseph Smith lived in a little American town in the early 1800s.
	A little American town in the early 1800s. A man rides by in a small carriage pulled by one horse. In the distance, Joseph Smith strolls into town.
歌	Joseph Smith was called a prophet Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb He started the Mormon religion Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
鍛冶屋	There goes that kooky Joseph Smith.
客	You know, he claims he spoke with God and Jesus.
女性	Well, how do you know he didn't?
歌	Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Joseph Smith was called a prophet-
執事	Hey, Joseph! I told my wife that you spoke with God and Jesus, and she didn't believe it.
スミス	Well it's true. I did.
妻	Where?
スミス	I was out in the woods, praying [a shot of him on his knees in the woods] I was asking God if I should be a Protestant, or a Catholic, or what? And suddenly God and Jesus appeared before me. [a bright light appears before him and he shields his eyes from the glare] And they said I should start my own church, because none of the others had it right. [the flashback ends] And that's exactly how it happened.
執事	You see? You believe it now?
妻	Well yeah, sure. Why would he make that up?
歌	Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Many people believed Joseph Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb And that night he-ee saw an angel Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
スミス	[in bed inside a shack] And please bless Mother and Father, and please keep our bellies full of yum-yums and luscious goodies. [a flash of light and a glowing orb flies around the room] AAAHH! [the orb turns into an angel] Oh my gosh!
天使	I am Moroni. I am a Native American.
スミス	A... [looks at the camera] Native American? [looks at Moroni] But your skin is white.
モロナイ	Yes. Long ago all Native American were white. We all came to America from Jerusalem. And while we were here we were visited by Christ.
スミス	[looks at the camera] Jesus live here in America?
モロナイ	Yes. Eventually, my people were all killed by the other tribe of Israel, and as punishment, God turned their skin red. These are the Native Americans you know today. [Smith looks at the camera dumbstruck]
歌	Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
モロナイ	There is an ancient book buried near here, written on gold plates that account my people's lives. Also buried with the book are two seer stones, the Urim and Thummim, which will allow you to translate the writings. Find it, and fulfill your destiny. [brightens and then vanishes]
スミス	Wooww... [gets up and dressed. He exits his shack]
歌	Joseph Smith was called a prophet Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
	Back to the present.
ゲーリー父	And we all know what happened then, don't we?
子供たち	Yeah! I know!
スタン	What happened then? [a small timer rings]
ゲーリー母	Ooo, the Rice Crispy squares are done!
子供たち	Rice Crispy squares! Yay! All right! Rice Crispy squares!
ゲーリー父	Hey gang, let's wrap some more of them up in plastic wrap and hand them out to the poor!
ゲーリー	Awesome! I can't wait!
ジェニー	Yeah! [the family rises from the couch and leaves]
ゲーリー	You coming, Stan?
スタン	No, I was supposed to be home at eight.
ゲーリー父	Awww, that's too bad. Well, it was really nice meeting you, Stan. [the family returns and hugs Stan]
マークとジェニー	Bye Stan!
ゲーリー母	Great to meet you!
ゲーリー	Bye!
	Stan's house, night. What a contrast. Randy watches TV on the couch with beer in hand, Shelly watches it on the floor, Sharon watches it from the dining table solving crossword puzzles. Stan enters upon this desolate scene.
スタン	...Hello?
シャロン	Oh, hi Stan.
スタン	[a few seconds later] Hey Dad, how come you never told me about Joseph Smith?
ランディ	Who?
シェリー	Shut up, turd! We're watching Friends!
スタン	The guy who spoke to God and Jesus.
シャロン	Well, Stan, God and Jesus don't actually speak to people.
スタン	That's not what the Harrisons said.
ランディ	Who are the Harrisons?
スタン	The new people that moved in down the street. Mr. Harrison said that Joseph Smith spoke to God and Jesus and they told him none of the religions were right.
ランディ	Oh, did he now?! What are they, religious kooks?!
スタン	They're not kooks, they're cool. I mean, how come we never have a night where we don't watch any TV and we just... do stuff together and eat and drink?
ランディ	We have that, Stan. It's called Friday Night Kegger.
スタン	But that's just you and your friends.
シェリー	I said shut up, turd!
スタン	Mr. Harrison said that I should be following Heavenly Father's plan, and I don't even know what that is.
ランディ	[rises and moves towards the front door] All right, that does it!
シャロン	Where are you going?
ランディ	I'm gonna go have a talk with this "Mr. Harrison." [grabs his coat from the coat rack and puts it on] If he thinks he can fill my son's head with wacko religious crap, he's wrong! [drinks the last of his beer]
シャロン	Randy, don't cause trouble.
ランディ	Let me handle this, Sharon. You gotta put these cult people in their place or else they never stop! I'm gonna go kick this Mr. Garrison's ass! [exits and slams the door shut, but quickly returns] This, Mr. Harrison is, is a white guy, right?
スタン	Yeah.
ランディ	[confidence restored] Yeah, I'm gonna go kick his ass! [slams the door]
	The neighborhood, night. Randy walks down the street.
ランディ	God-damned religious kooks! Tell my son what to believe, will you?! We'll see how you like my fist in your ass! [approaches the front door of the house and pounds on the door. Gary's father answers it]
ミスター・ハリソン	Hello!
ランディ	Yeah, are you Mr. Harrison?
ミスター・ハリソン	I sure am. [offers his right hand] The, the name's Gary.
ランディ	Well, look, my kid was just over at your house and he a-
ゲーリー・シニア	Oh, you're Stan's dad! It's so nice to finally meet you! Karen! Mr. Marsh is here!
ランディ	Uh, look, I just want to tell you that
カレン	[arrives with a tray of squares] Oh, Mr. Marsh! What a treat! It's so nice to meet you!
ランディ	Well, thanks. Uh...
ゲーリー・シニア	Karen just finished baking the most amazing Rice Crispy squares.
カレン	With chocolate frosting
ゲーリー・シニア	Come on out of the cold. You've gotta try one. Or six. [chuckles]
	The coffee table in the living room.
ゲーリー・シニア	I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have you over.
カレン	[serving lemonade] I hear you're a geologist. That is so amazing.
ランディ	Look, uh, I actually came over because I'm a little concerned about some of the things you told my son.
ゲーリー・シニアとカレン	Uh huh?
ランディ	You know. About... God, and stuff.
ゲーリー・シニア	Oooh... Oh boy... you think we were trying to convert him.
ランディ	Well, I...
ゲーリー・シニア	Oh, Mr. Marsh, I am sooo sorry.
カレン	We just moved here from Utah and we're so used to everyone being Mormon that we... Oh, we forget not everyone wants to hear about it. Oh boy, you must be furious!
ランディ	Well, no, no, I just...
ゲーリー・シニア	You just heard your son talking about religious ideals that aren't your own and you said "Who the heck do these people think they are?!" I I'm really, truly sorry, Mr. Marsh. It won't happen again.
ランディ	Y-you can call me... Randy.
カレン	Randy, the last thing we want is for people to think we're pushing our religion. We know there are a lot of beliefs out there and ours just works for us.
ゲーリー・シニア	To each his own, right?
ランディ	Yeah. Yeah! You know, to be honest, I've never known any Mormons. I, don't even know what you people believe. Who was this Joseph Smith guy? Why did he believe that Native Americans are actually white people from Jerusalem?
ゲーリー・シニア	Well, because they found ancient books they had written on gold plates, right where the angel Moroni said they would be.
	The Early 1800s, day, a small town. People mill around.
スミス	I found them! I found them! [people turn and look, and he stops] You're not gonna believe it, everybody! I found them!
執事	Found what?
スミス	Another New Testament of Jesus Christ!
住民	What? What did he say? Are you crazy?
スミス	Last night, a Native America angel told me where I could find another testament of Jesus Christ, so I went out to the woods. I dug around all morning where the angel had told me to look. [a shot of Smith digging yet another hole].
スミス	Maybe there isn't anything out here. [strikes something hard] Wait a tick! [throws the shovel off to the side] What's this? [starts digging and find a tiny coffin, then removes the lid] Wow...
スミス	[back to the story] Inside the stone box, I found the magical seer stones. Under that, I found four gold plates written in strange writing [he lifts up two of them].
スミス	This must be the Gospel that Jesus told the Nephites!
スミス	Well, they were the most amazing things I'd ever gazed upon.
男性	[middle-aged] Well, so where are they?
スミス	Where are what?
女性	The gold plates and the seer stones. Where are they?
スミス	Oh, well, I... was not allowed to take them. You see, after I found the plates, the angel Moroni appeared to me again and said that I am not allowed to show the plates, or the seer stones, to anybody. Because first I must translate what's written on the plates into English, so you can all read it!
歌	Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.
住民	Wow, amazing!
歌	He found the stones and golden plates Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Even though nobody else ever saw them Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
	The Marsh house. Sharon and Shelly are at their spots, Stan sits on the couch, all three watch TV. Randy returns with a Book of Mormon in hand.
シャロン	So, how'd it go, Clubber Lange? You kicked Mr. Harrison's ass?
ランディ	Not exactly. We're uh, having their family over for dinner tomorrow night.
スタン	See? That's what happened to me!
ランディ	Sharon, did you know this guy Joseph Smith found a new testament to the Bible buried here in America?
シャロン	What are you talking about?
ランディ	Well it's just that... the Harrisons are really nice people and... you should see how loving and together their family is. I, I think there's something to that religion.
スタン	That's what they made me think, too!
ランディ	All right, that does it. From now on, our family is Mormon!
	The neighborhood, day. In front of Kyle's house Kyle, Kenny and Cartman are tossing a football around. Stan arrives. Cartman catches the football and approaches Stan.
カートマン	Hey Stan, how was your date last night with the new kid?
スタン	Shut up, dude. They're a nice family and... Gary is actually really smart and talented.
カートマン	[cooing] Aww, you guys. I think Stan's in love.
カイル	Yeah. Did you make out with him, too?
スタン	What's the big deal? Can't I have other friends? You guys should give Gary a chance.
ゲーリー	[arrives] Hey Stan.
カートマン	Ohhh, here's Stan's little girlfriend now.
ゲーリー	Hey guys. Stan, I remember you said last night that you'd lost your wallet, so I made you a new one. [hands Stan a brown leather wallet] I carved a picture of John Elway into the leather on the front.
スタン	Wow, you made this?
カートマン	[playing it up] Awww, look at them. Aren't they so cute together?
ゲーリー	Hey! My family's on their way over to the fire station to donate blood. You wanna come along? [Cartman gags.]
スタン	Uh, I don't think so, Gary. I have to uh... [a car horn is heard]
ゲーリー	Oh here comes my family now!
ハリソン家	Hey you guys! [they get out of the car]
カレン	Look, we painted our faces! [they laugh]
マーク	I'm a lion. [scratches the air like a lion might]
ジェニー	I'm an alien. [green face paint]
ゲーリー・シニア	Hey, just what the heck am I supposed to be? [they laugh]
カートマン	Oh my God...
デイヴ	[a piglet] You gonna come with us to the fire station, Stan?
スタン	[fumbling about] Uh, no. I've got a lot to do.
ゲーリー・シニア	Well... Gary, you wanna just hang out with your friend Stan?
ゲーリー	Oh. Well, I'd like to, but... Oh man, I would miss you guys so much!
マーク	We'd miss you too, Gary. Heh.
カレン	Aw, we'll all see each other tonight when we go to Stan's house for dinner. Stay and play with your friend, Gary.
ゲーリー・シニア	Yeah. Have a good time, boys. [the family laughs and gets inside the car]
マーク	Let's go. [the doors close and they drive off] Our faces are painted. [more laughter]
カイル	Wow!
ゲーリー	So what do you guys wanna do?
カートマン	[backs away a bit with Kyle and Kenny] Uh, that's cool. We're gonna leave you two lovebirds alone. The three of us have to go put in some volunteer work at the homeless shelter. [looks at the other two. All three move off to their left and leave]
ゲーリー	Oh cool! I'm gonna do that tomorrow.
カートマン	Eeheehee, Jesus Christ. [an awkward moment between Gary and Stan follows]
ゲーリー	So hey, I heard your dad came over last night and he and my dad talked about Joseph Smith. That's great!
スタン	[turns right and walks. Gary walks alongside] Yeah. I had a question about that Joseph Smith guy.
ゲーリー	Sure.
スタン	What happened after he found the golden plates buried in the ground?
ゲーリー	Well, he kept them hidden from everyone like he was told. And then he translated what was written on the plates into the Book of Mormon.
スタン	Yeah, but... how?
	Back to the 1800s, night. Joseph Smith and another man walk up into the attic of a large building.
歌	Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
男性	What's this all about, Mr. Smith?
スミス	Mr. Harris, can you keep a secret?
ハリス	Well, sure I can.
スミス	I have, in my possession, an ancient book written on gold plates that tells of Jesus Christ's second coming. Here, in America.
ハリス	In America? [scratches his head] Really? That sounds kind of...
歌	Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
スミス	It's true. And I'm going to translate the plates and publish it into a book for the whole world to read. Now, ahah-I know you have a lot of money, Mr. Harris, and I'm just gonna need a little bit to pay for the publishing costs.
ハリス	Mmm, I don't know. Uh, how do you expect to translate it?
スミス	With these. [presents the seer stones]
ハリス	Rocks?
スミス	They're not rocks. They're seer stones, given to me by an angel. With them, God allowed me to translate the plates into English. Watch. You take this quill and paper and write down what I say. Sit here. [on the floor, by some sheets of paper and a quill pen in an ink well] I have the golden plates here in this hat. I need to have them somewhere dark so I can read the spiritual light.
ハリス	Really?
スミス	Now, when I put the seer stones into the hat, the ancient letter light up and change into English, which I can then read to you.
ハリス	Wow! [Smith looks down and lowers his head so the face is buried in the hat]
スミス	Ooo, I'm seeing the light. Oh, okay. Write this down. "And... so... it... was... that... Christ... appeared before... the... Nephites."
歌	And that's how the Book of Mormon was written Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Dumb dadumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Dumb dadumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Dahumb dahumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Dumb dumb dumb dumb duuumb, duuumb.
	The Marsh house, night. At the dining table they're playing the same board game the Harrisons were playing a few nights before: "LIVING".
ランディ	One two three four. "Pay one thousand dollars property tax." [pays the property tax] Isn't this great, you guys? Our first Family Home Evening.
シェリー	I wanna watch TV.
ランディ	We're not watching TV! We're Mormons now and we're having Family Home Evening!
スタン	Dad, did you know that that Joseph Smith guy read the Book of Mormon out of a hat?
ランディ	And? [to Sharon] Your turn, Sharon.
スタン	It's just that... the Book of Mormon says a lot of strange stuff, like that Adam and Eve lived in Jackson County, Missouri.
ランディ	Yes.
スタン	But school taught me that the first man and woman lived in Africa.
ランディ	Well you can't believe everything school tells you, Stan. Your turn, Shelly. [the doorbell rings] Oooo, that must be the Harrisons! [rises and goes to the front door. He opens and the Harrisons walk in with enthusiasm, chatting away]
ゲーリー	Hey everybody.
マーク	[walks around] Wow, what a great house!
カレン	[walks up to Sharon] You must be Mrs. Marsh; it's so nice to meet you!
ジェニー	[walks up to Shelly] And you must be Stan's sister. Oh, I think your brother's the greatest.
シェリー	My brother is a stupid turd.
ゲーリー	[walks up to Stan] Hey Stan.
スタン	[with reservations] Hey Gary.
ランディ	Well, come on in and sit down, everybody. [they all settle in on the couches in the living room. Shelly avoids looking at the Harrisons] You're here just in time. My son was having a little problem with our new religion.
スタン	Dad!
ゲーリー・シニア	Ohohoho, really? Well, that's just because he hasn't heard the best part about the Joseph Smith story! The one that proves he was for real!
ハリソン家	Yeah! Woohoo!
ランディ	Ooo, what's that?
ゲーリー・シニア	Well, you remember Martin Harris, the rich man who wrote down what Joseph Smith read out of the hat?
スタン	Yeah.
ゲーリー・シニア	See, after he was done, he took some of the pages of what would become the Book of Mormon home.
	Back to the 1800s, night, the large building.
歌	Martin went home to his wife Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb And showed her pages from the Book of Mormon Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
ハリス	A-and so Joseph Smith put his head into a hat, a-and read to me what the golden plates said. I wrote it all down and we're gonna publish it into a book. テンプレート:ScriptDialogミセス・ハリス
歌	Lucy Harris smart smart smart Smart smart smart smart smart
ハリス	Why would he make it up?
歌	Martin Harris dumb dadumb-
ルーシー	All right, here. I'm gonna hide these pages. [puts them in a drawer at the bottom end of an armoir] If Joseph Smith really is translating off of golden plates, then he'll be able to do it again. But if Joseph Smith is making it all up, then the new translations will be different from these.
ハリス	Okay, fine. I bet he'll have no problem. [puts on his coat and heads out]
歌	Lucy Harris smart smart smart Martin Harris dumb. So Martin went on back to Smith Said the pages had gone away Smith got mad and told Martin He needed to go pray Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
ハリス	[upon Smith's return] Look, ah I'm sorry about losin' the pages we worked on, Joe, but I'm ready to write it all down again if you translate from the plates.
スミス	I would love to, Martin, except, I just had a vision. And the Lord said he's very angry with me for letting you take those pages.
ハリス	[gasps] He is??
歌	Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
スミス	Yes. He is so mad that he will never let me translate from the plate of Lehi again. He's... we must now translate from the plate of Nephi. So it will be the same basic story, but written a little differently.
ハリス	Wow! If God got angry with you, then you must be tellin' the truth.
歌	Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.
ハリス	All right, Martin. Let's get to work! [Smith reads from the hat again and dictates to Harris, who writes it all down]
	Back to the present, the Marsh house.
ゲーリー・シニア	And that's how it happened.
子供たち	Yeah! All right! [the Marshes sit there without a word to say]
スタン	...Wait. Mormons actually know this story and they still believe Joseph Smith was a prophet?
ゲーリー・シニア	Well sure. The story proves it, doesn't it?
スタン	No, it proves he DID make it all up. Are you blind?
マーク	Well, Stan, it's all a matter of faith.
スタン	No, it's a matter of logic! If you're gonna say things that have been proven wrong, like that the first man and woman lived in Missouri, and that Native Americans came from Jerusalem, then you'd better have something to back it up. All you've got are a bunch of stories about some asswipe who read plates nobody ever saw out of a hat, and then couldn't do it again when the translations were hidden!
ランディ	Hey, Stan, don't denounce our religion.
スタン	[crosses his arms] I don't wanna be Mormon, Dad!
シェリー	Me neither.
ゲーリー	Hey, that's only cool, guys. You can believe whatever you want!
ゲーリー・シニア	Yeah, it's great you have your own beliefs.
ゲーリー	Yeah! Hooray for the Marshes!
スタン	Oh, stop it! [stands up] That's another thing! Why do you have to be so freakin' nice all the time?! It isn't normal! You just weasel people into your way of thinking by acting like the happiest family in the world and being so nice to everyone that you just blindside dumb people like my Dad!
ランディ	Yeah! [moments later they are standing outside, and the door is slammed on their faces. They turn around, and Gary Sr. sighs]
ゲーリー・シニア	Well kids... Who's up for a water balloon fight?!
子供たち	Yeah! All right! [they leave the Marsh house in high spirits, except Gary, who looks insulted]
	The bus stop, next day. Kyle, Cartman and Kenny wait for the bus, Stan walks up somewhat somberly.
カイル	Oh, hey Stan. Where's your best buddy, Gary?
スタン	I'm not hanging around that kid anymore.
カートマン	[needling] Oh no! You guys broke up?
スタン	You guys were right, okay? The new kid's a douche. Now I just gotta find a way to keep him away from me.
ゲーリー	[shows up] Hey Stan.
スタン	Oh brother.
カートマン	Uh oh, the jilted lover returns.
ゲーリー	Listen, I just wanted to let you know you don't have to worry about me tryin' to be your friend anymore.
スタン	I don't?
ゲーリー	Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense, and maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up, but I have a great life. and a great family, and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up, because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You've got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls. [turns around and walks off. All four boys just look at him in wonder.]
カートマン	Damn, that kid is cool, huh?
All About Mormons終了