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Cast

Script

Une ville idéale
The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Fallon is going into his monologue
Jimmy Fallon
Okay okay okay. So this guy is running for President and he hates immigrants, and he's basically an idiot. [the audience laughs throughout] Not surprisingly, this guy is from a predominantly white town called South Park, Colorado. Or Shit-heads of America, Incorporated, I'm not sure. Yeah, if this guy is the best their town has to offer, can you imagine who he left behind? [affecting a hick accent] "Oh hey, I'm from South Park! We don't take kindly to respecting human beings!" [a shot of Randy and Sharon watching from the sofa with their jaws dropped] You, you think South Park has a university? "Welcome to South Park University." [a shot of Gerald and Sheila in bed, watching with jaws dropped] "Please open your shotguns and slap your wives!" [a shot of Butters watching the show on the phone, in bed. He's crying quietly] "I live in South Park and my IQ's so low I've got's ta dig for it. Hey, did someone say 'rape?' That's the word for 'clever' here in South Park" [the camera is back on Randy and Sharon]
Randy
[turns off the TV] That's not funny. [gets up and walks away.]
South Park Elementary, day. Kids are walking around in the hallway. Stan goes to his locker as Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman stand in front of the lockers on the other side of the hallway, their heads hanging in shame. Butters joins them, also ashamed, and Stan closes his locker to join them all.
Stan
So not cool. How does someone just rip on us like that?
Kyle
I can't believe Jimmy Fallon hates us. Jimmy Fallon loves everything. Why would he slam our whole town?
Cartman
Because apparently he doesn't care that his jokes are at the expense of actual people.
Butters
Well do you think it's true? Do you think we're really bigoted country bumpkins?
Cartman
No. [steps forward] Hey, we are not bumpkins! Okay?! Kenny's a bumpkin!
Kenny
(Well fuck you, dude!)
Cartman
We don't have junk cars in our yards, that's just your family, Kenny! [Kyle is about to defend Kenny, but Stan speaks up]
Stan
I just hope somebody finds a way to fix this.
South Park City Hall, day, the Mayor's office.
Mayor McDaniels
I've called you all here because South Park has an image problem. Thanks to Mr. Garrison we are now being referred to as the shit-heads of America. One of our more politically sensitive citizens has proposed an idea for this crisis and I'd like you to hear him out.
Randy
[takes the dais as the Mayor steps aside] Hello everyone, I'm Randy Marsh, and I've been PC for almost two weeks now. You know, we've all been making changes to be more socially conscious, but have we really done enough? The truth is, there's something we're lacking as a community, and it's time we all faced it. What this town needs... is a Whole Foods. [a lot of chatter springs up in the audience.] It would instantly validate us as a town that cares about stuff.
Stephen
We couldn't get a Whole Foods to open here.
Randy
And why not?! Huh?! We all just don't believe we could get a Whole Foods! Because we don't believe in ourselves!
Fr. Maxi
Where could it even go?!
Randy
Mayor?
Mayor McDaniels
I'm announcing a plan for SoDoSoPa. [presses a remote control and a picture of the logo comes up.] A new urban development that will turn the most rundown and dilapidated part of our town into a quaint center of artisan shops and cafes.
Randy
Lots of cities are dong this. The area south of Downtown South Park has always been the ugly eyesore of this town. But now, SoDoSoPa... is going to bring in the fresh new vibrancy that Whole Foods can't ignore.
The SodoSoPa site, later. An architect is there with a select group of people, including the Mayor, Johnson, Wendy's mom, Randy, Linda, and three others
Architect
We'll keep the existing structures, but add brick walkways and some quaint white lights. A plaza in the middle will be a place where young couples can play with their toddlers. [a shot of the site, which is Kenny's house, which has warped windows and broken stucco all around. Kenny hears the conversation and peeks out the front window] And it will all be small businesses like artisan cheese shops or noodle houses.
Randy
Oh, this is really exciting. I thought this area was just gonna stay shitty forever. [Kenny walks to the kitchen, where he sees Stuart drinking a beer and reading a magazine.]
Kenny
(Hey Dad, there's these fucking people outside.)
Stuart
Who is? [gets up and walks to the front door, opens it and sees the group]
Mayor McDaniels
So you think you'll keep all the existing structures?
Architect
I do. It's part of what gives a revitalized area like this its charm that the hipsters like.
Stuart
Hey, what are you people doing?!
Randy
We're gentrifying. It's all good.
Park County Community Center, day. Another meeting about this project.
Randy
Okay, hold on, everyone listen up! We understand that not everyone is for the town spending money on the SoDoSoPa project. We want everyone to be able to voice their concerns. [Only the McCormicks are present]
Stuart
[stands up] Yeah I got concerns! I don't want you touching my damn house!
Johnson
We realize that when a rejuvenation like this takes place, the lower-income residents fear they'll be priced out of the area.
Stuart
What lower-income residents?! Me?! I work hard and provide for my family just fine!
Randy
Stuart, come on. Your house sucks.
Stuart
Fuck you! If you people wanna turn somethin' into a vibrant arts district, then do it to Randy's house!
Randy
My house is nice.
Aide
Mr. McCormick, you will be living in the most vibrant part of the entire town. SoDoSoPa is the future of South Park.
Johnson
There will be amazing food and incredible shops right at your doorstep.
Mayor McDaniels
And we want to assure the lower-income families that we are going to take the time to do this right.
The SodoSoPa project is now complete, and a new eatery is shown. The Broflovskis and the Stotches are having dinner together
Waiter
Alright guys, welcome to Steed. Do we have any allergies?
Stephen
No, nothing. And we we wanna try everything! [Det. Harris and Officer Barbrady are dining at another table]
Det. Harris
Wow, can you believe this place?
Officer Barbrady
Yeah, the food is unbelievable. [Randy and Nelson are at the bar]
Randy
It's like a dream come true, Nelson. This area is gonna put our town on the map. [the camera pulls back and Steed is shown on the second floor of a mall that has been built on the McCormick house. A narrow entrance between the house and the garage leads to a patio where the backyard used to be, and there are more shops beyond that. Stuart steps outside and dumps his garbage in an aluminum trash can]
City Wok, night. It's empty, and Tuong Lu Kim reflects on the changes in his business. He's smoking and holds a cup in his left hand while ambient Oriental music plays
Tuong Lu Kim
I don't know what happen all my customers. I used to have a-people come in here, fill every table. Now it's like a-nobody want anything to do with my authentic shitty food. This town is changing so fast, you know? [a lone man sits by the window eating dinner. There are no other customers] This town is changing so fast, everybody wan be PC, be updated. It's like I'm a reric. A rost reric from another time. You know? I dunno, sometime I feel like I outstayed my welcome. Is just how I feel, you know?
Diner
Uh huh.
Tuong Lu Kim
It's like a-my accent make people uncomftable or something. How a Chinese man is supposed to survive in this world? [the door opens] Oh, welcome oh Shitty Wok, a take ur order prease?
Man
[turns left and walks up to the diner] Hey Mike, whatcha doin' man? The guys are all meetin' down at SoDoSoPa.
Mike
At what?
Man
They've totally revitalized this area south of Downtown, you've gotta check it out! [turns and walks out]
Mike
Oh sweet, dude. [gets up and follows his friend out the door]
Tuong Lu Kim
SoDoSoPa? What the hell is a SoDoSoPa?
SodoSoPa, moments later. Tuong Lu Kim arrives to see the place for himself
Tuong Lu Kim
What the fuuuck!
SodoSoPa, Kenny's house. All the family is in the living room, bored as the music thumps away around them
Karen
Mommy, can we go eat outside?
Carol
No, we can't go eat outside.
Karen
But Mommy, they have ice cream. [points outside]
Stuart
We can't afford $10 ice cream, alright?! If you want nice things, then go out and get a JOB! Except you won't make MONEY! [Karen gets off the sofa with her head down and goes to her room] Because you just BUST your ASS and then barely get by while everyone around you gets RICHER! [Kenny glares at his dad, then gets up and follows Karen] Just face it: things are never gonna change around here.
The Mayor's office, next day. The mayor and a bunch of townsfolk are waiting on Randy, who's at the desk about to place a call
Johnson
What's he gonna say?
Fr. Maxi
Maybe they won't even answ- [the Mayor shushes them both as Randy waits for a pickup]
Randy
Hi, um, yes, my name is Randy Marsh, and um, we would like to try and get a Whole Foods in our town? ... Yes, that's right. Aaah, yes, it's ah, South Park, Colorado. Nonononono! Nononononono! [continues this for some time] It's not at all what you think! Yes, it's where the Presidential candidate is from-Nonononono! Nononononono! Hold on! Hold on, hold on! SoDoSoPa! SoDoSoPa! We have a SoDoSoPa and the town is completely different! SoDoSoPa! We have an arts and entertainment district! Cultural! Yes. Okay. Okay, yes, I, I understand. Thank you. [hangs up and gathers his thoughts] They said they maybe might send over a representative. [a moment later everyone cheers. Randy hugs the Mayor.]
First commercial, montage of live-action scenes
Voice
[Deep] There's a certain quality, vibe, and energy that is SoDoSoPa. From the independent merchants and unique cafes to the rustic charm of a mixed-income crowd. [the camera pans to Kenny and Stuart, who are annoyed. A couple is dancing at Savor the Goodness as Kevin and Karen look on through a window. Their mom comes up and pulls the blinds down, then back to live action] Where else can you let loose your wild side while still being a part of helping the local economy? [a shot of the whole family looking out at the diners. The parents are mad] And now, a chance to own a piece of this most exciting area of South Park. Announcing: the Lofts at SoDoSoPa. Two thousand square foot of flats that will put you right in the heart of it all. After a night out eating and shopping in SoDoSoPa, just take a few steps and you're home. With modern styling these lofts are sleek, sexy, and oh so SoDoSoPa. And for those very privileged few, the most private and exclusive ownership opportunity is here. Announcing the Residences at the Lofts at SoDoSoPa. Now you can have access to luxury refined while still just steps away from the action. These finely appointed residences all feature state-of-the art finishes and balconies with views of historic Kenny's house. It's a place to laugh. It's a place to gather. A place to mingle with people of all economic classes. And now, it's a place to live. SoDoSoPa. Welcome Home.
South Park, day. Kenny walks down a sidewalk and notices a sign asking for help - child help. He takes it from the window and enter City Wok with it
Tuong Lu Kim
And we are going to take a-business back from a-SoDoSoPa! [notices Kenny with the sign] Ah, hello, you here for job? Prease join the others prease. [he already has a crew of seven kids. Kenny joins the crew] Some say I cannot survive in today's world. But if there's one asset that a Chinese man has, it's the tactical use of a child rabor. And together, child rabor force, we are gong to bring a SoDoSoPa to its knees.
Morning in South Park. New signs are being put up to replace aging ones in Downtown, walls are being painted, flowers bought. Tom is cleaning the windows at his rhinoplasty office, and the town gathers in front of Tom's Rhinoplasty. Bleachers are in place, and the kids take up seats in them
Mayor McDaniels
This is it, people! This is what we've all been working for! The future of our town depends on us being on our best behavior! No swearing, no weirdness, and no speeches! [everyone looks at Kyle, who motions as if to say something]
Johnson
He's coming!
Mayor McDaniels
Go! go! Everyone in place! [all the adults gather by Tom's Rhinoplasty]
Townsman
Oh look! [a female conductor leads the kids in a rendition of "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands" A car pulls up and a Whole Foods Market representative steps out. At this point, the song ends]
Mayor McDaniels
[approaches] Hello, sir. On behalf of everyone here in South Park, please let me say we are very excited to be in consideration-
Whole Foods rep
[ignores her] Everyone, please go about your business! I need to see this town in its normal goings on, to see if it is indeed a Whole Foods town.
City Wok, day. Mr. Kim's child laborers are hard at work cleaning up the restaurant. A girl is up on a ladder cleaning one of the lanterns
Tuong Lu Kim
[comes in from the left side] Okay, rooking good, child rabor force. [claps three times] We gonna make a Shitty Wok an updated and a beautiful. [heads back towards the kitchen and sings]
Tuong Lu Kim
[comes in from the left side] Okay, rooking good, child rabor force. [claps three times] We gonna make a Shitty Wok an updated and a beautiful. [heads back towards the kitchen and sings]

Let's go child rabor force, let's go! [returns to the dining area] No no, Dennis, you don't use a too much cleaner on the table. That stuff expensive. Now risten everybody! This is a big day! We gonna take the business back from a-SoDoSoPa! And how we gonna do it, child rabor force?! That's right, by taking pride in our work! With the way this prace is looking, we gonna have people rushing in any second!

Man 2
[voice only] Okay, everyone go about your business.
Tuong Lu Kim
Oh! Here they come!
Man 3
[voice only] Everyone act normal. No, don't act normal, act good!
Tuong Lu Kim
There they go. [runs to the entrance] Wait, wait! [runs outside] Shitty Wok! Take ur order prease?! Take ur- [quiet voice, as no one comes back] Take ur order ... prease? [a different camera angle shows a Red Lobster across the street from City Wok and Skeeter's Bar and Cocktails down the road.]
South Park Elementary, day. The Mayor gives the Whole Foods representative a tour of the school
Mayor McDaniels
The previous principal of the school was let go so that someone more progressive could take over.
PC Principal
[stands up] Hey bro, I'm the new principal of the school. My name's PC Principal.
Whole Foods rep
P.C. Principal. I like that. So you've just recently moved here?
PC Principal
That's right.
Whole Foods rep
And do you believe this town is deserving of a Whole Foods?
PC Principal
You know, I think it's changed a lot. I really do. I've seen some real progress. Definitely had some holdouts - people who went kicking and screaming into 2015, but yes, I think they deserve it.
Whole Foods rep
Mmmmm-hm. [turns around] Show me a classroom please.
Mr. Garrison's former classroom, Fourth Grade, moments later. A new female teacher is giving the class a lesson. she's sitting on a stool and shows the class some pictures from an open book.
Teacher
But if Pluto isn't a planet, who can tell me what it is? [the door opens and the Mayor and representative walk in] Oh, hello.
Mayor McDaniels
This is our new fourth-grade teacher. She's very normal and professional.
Whole Foods rep
Please continue as if I am not here.
Teacher
Okay, so uhh children, anyone wanna tell me what Pluto is classified as? [the Whole Foods Rep walks across the floor towards the windows] Anybody? Okay. [the Whole Foods Rep walks back] Well, Pluto is actually a dwarf planet. [Kyle and Stan look at each other] That means it's neither a planet nor a natural satellite, okay?
Whole Foods rep
[to the Mayor] Is there a reason why the children with disabilities and black child are front and center? ["...like the moon. Who can tell me how big the moon is?"]
Mayor McDaniels
Oh no, that's just where they always sit, next to our beloved Craig there, who is a homosexual. [Craig hears this and angrily glares at her]
Whole Foods rep
Mmmmm-hm.
Mayor McDaniels
Uh, can, can I show you the most exciting part of town?
SoDoSoPa, day. The place is bustling, as usual. The Mayor and the Whole Foods Rep arrive to have a look
Mayor McDaniels
This is historic SoDoSoPa. It's our vibrant and charming arts and foods district. [Kenny is shown coming home from school. He opens the door, sees them, goes inside, and slams the door shut]
Whole Foods rep
Hmmm, I enjoy how you've retained the lower-income housing with the updated and quaint urban developments.
Mayor McDaniels
That's really what our town is about. [Randy arrives with Stephen]
Randy
Oh, hello again. Stephen and I were just heading to SoDoSoPa to enjoy some specialty foods. [the Whole Foods Rep turns around and looks at the vast open area across the street, and begins to survey it. Randy nudges Stephen a few times]
Whole Foods rep
Hmmm. I have seen enough for today. I am weary. Where shall I sleep?
Mayor McDaniels
Oh yes, of course, uh...
Randy
Uh, well, tonight, you're at our Motel 6. But, we'd like to show you the plans for something extremely exciting.
Second commercial
Voice
You can't say "excitement" without saying "SoDoSoPa." The food, the art, the nightlife. With the Lofts and Residences at SoDoSoPa all the action was just a few steps away. But what if you could actually live in the most central location that SoDoSoPa has to offer? Well, now you can. Announcing: the Villas at Kenny's House. The most sought-after address in all of South Park for only the very privileged few. Now you can relax in your state-of-the-art deck spa while taking in views of that mixed SoDoSoPa culture. [a view of the back of Kenny's house. Stuart and Carol are fighting, and the new neighbors can see it]
Stuart
Shut your damn mouth, bitch!
Carol
You shut your mouth or I'll shut-
Voice
But that's not all. The Villas at Kenny's house will also feature access to a private fitness center, clubhouse, and so much more. Plus a breezeway to the proposed Whole Foods just steps away. [PROPOSED WHOLE FOODS NOT YET CONFIRMED] The Villas at Kenny's House. Welcome Home.
City Wok, night. Tuong Lu Kim sighs and works the cash register. He counts the day's earnings. Before him is Kenny, the one kid left after the day is done, mopping the floor
Tuong Lu Kim
Hey, that's okay. We close. All the other child labor go home.
Kenny
[stops mopping] (I just wanna make sure I get the floors as clean as I can.)
Tuong Lu Kim
I like you, Dennis. You work a real hard. [hands Kenny a dollar] I wish I could give you more. You deserve more. [walks over to a window] But I think I'm gonna have to shut down. Now that a SoDoSoPa open, I'm the shitty part of town. And everyone hates the shitty part of town.
Kenny
(Yeah. I know what you mean.)
Tuong Lu Kim
Oh, what do you know about living in the shitty part of town, Dennis?
Kenny
[drops the mop] (Hey, I have an idea.)
Tuong Lu Kim
You have idea?
Kenny
(I actually do!)
Tuong Lu Kim
Oh! That's the spirit! Let's go child rabor! [clap clap clapclapclap] Let's go child rabor! [they both clap clap clapclapclap]
A ranch in South Park, day. The the rancher, Mayor, and Whole Foods Rep stand behind a fence
Whole Foods rep
So these are the cattle that the local shops and restaurants are supplied with.
Rancher
Uh... these are local cows, yes.
Whole Foods rep
And where does the butchery take place?
Rancher
Uh, that's right over there. [a ranch hand shoots a cow in the head, killing it on the spot]
Whole Foods rep
And are the bullets made from reclaimed metals?
Mayor McDaniels
I believe they are. Rancher, could you make sure?
Fr. Maxi
Randy, Stephen, we've got a big problem! The owner of City Wok has child labor making videos for him!
Richard
What??
Randy
Oh Jesus! We forgot all about that guy!
Steve
[sees the Whole Foods Rep turn around and nudges Randy] Shhh!
Fr. Maxi
It's all over the place. He's tryin' to revitalize his rundown neighborhood! [the Mayor follows the rep's gaze]
Randy
God, why do the economically challenged always have to screw up everything?! [turns around to face the Mayor] We're gonna head back to SoDoSoPa for some curious fusion delights. [turns around and leads the other three men away] Come on, we'll get that asshole!
Third commercial
Tuong Lu Kim
There's a new and exciting prace where people can gather to shop, experience and grow. This is an all-new food and nightrife district. This, is CtPaTown. Where else but CtPaTown can you get all the shitty hot spots and shitty food that South Park is known for? In the mood for some local seafood? Red Robster has all the freshest from Colorado's many oceans. Or if a handcrafted ale is more your thing, head on down to Skeeter's Bar for local ales like a Coors and a Coors Rite. And then, of course, there's Shitty Wok, South Park's historic Asian fusion randmark, featuring Shitty Chicken and Shitty Sour Soup. The state-of-the-art toiret is designed for men and women [just a regular toilet and bathroom. No urinal] and is a great prace for you to squeeze out all the shitty food you've enjoyed. Now South Park has another neighborhood to mingle and rerax. CtPaTown. Welcome Home.
City Wok, day. Mr. Kim has all his workers there, waiting for the doors to open
Tuong Lu Kim
Oh boy, get ready child rabor force! Any minute now, we gonna have a-customers up our ass!
Townfolk
Get him! There he is! That son of a bitch! Get him! Stop him!
Tuong Lu Kim
Oh boy, here they come! [turns to Kenny] You were right, Dennis! CtPaTown commercial did the trick! [heads back to the counter and turns around] Get ready for customers, child rabor force! [the adults rush in and fan out] Welcome Shitty Wok, take your order PREASE. [Fr. Maxi takes Tuong Lu Kim, Officer Barbrady takes Kenny]
Kenny
(What. The. Fuck?!) [the other adults take the rest of the kids. They all rush out of the restaurant]
Randy
Alright, take these kids and hide them in the-
Kenny
(Come on, dude, I've gotta make some money!)
Randy
Ow! You little-! [kicks Kenny down]
Girl
Get him! [a massive fight breaks out between the adults and the child labor force]
Tuong Lu Kim
Fight, child rabor force! Swing to the reft!
Whole Foods rep
[shows up with the Mayor and clears his throat] Ahem, ahem! [all the fighting stops and Mayor McDaniels is dismayed at this bad behavior. The adults put the kids down and smile, the kids stay as they are] I've never seen a town put so much energy into displaying an exaggerated sense of social consciousness. Congratulations, you have your Whole Foods. [the adults cheer and disperse.]
Tuong Lu Kim
Wait wait, anybody want a Shitty Chicken?? Anybody?? Take ur order prease??? [jumps a few times in frustration, then sighs] I'm sorry, Dennis. You rearry tried to help. I guess it's over. Come on inside. I'll pay you the child labor wage you deserve.
Kenny's house at SoDoSoPa. Kenny goes home after work. He goes inside his house and passes by the TV, which is showing Hee Haw. The picture tends to flicker between color and black and white
Stuart
[cynically] Well? Did you make any money?
Kenny
[stops and looks down] (No, I didn't make any money.) [continues to the bedrooms]
Stuart
Ha, told ya! That's how it works in this damned country.
A bedroom. Kenny opens the door and looks in. Karen, who is sharing the room with Kevin, sits up in her bed and looks at Kenny
Karen
[whispers as Kenny goes to her bed] What are you doing, Kenny? [Kenny takes off his backpack and opens it, pulling out a blonde Mama Baby doll. He hands it to her and she gasps in anticipation] Wow! This is mine?
Kenny
[pats her knee] (It's yours, Karen.) [closes his backpack and puts it on, then leaves the bedroom. He stops to look at Karen take the doll out of its box]
Karen
Hi. [Kenny closes the door and goes to his own room. He drops the backpack on the floor and goes straight to bed. Life outside at SoDoSoPa bustles on, with the thumping music.]
Fourth commercial. City Wok is still here, but something new is next to it. It's the Whole Foods Market, which shows that CtPaTown got the store, not SoDoSoPa. The Stotches approach the store. A worker turns a sign around so that customers know the store is open. The Blacks are inside checking out loaves of bread. Officer Barbrady has purchased some meat at the meat counter. Gerald is walking a dog while Sheila pulls Ike around in a Radio Flyer. Kyle helps out. A young man passes Dr. Mephesto on a bike and waves hi to him. Darryl Weathers passes in front of Liane on his own bike. They wave hello to each other, smiling. Randy carries Stan, who is pointing out something to him
Voice
There's a time when a town becomes more than it was. [Someone pours himself some coffee. Butters and Linda look at cakes. Mr. Mackey is chatting with the Mayor] When the people take that bold step into making things better. [a bearded worker glances at the camera. Craig points out some deli meats to him mom] To progress. [a shot of two child workers and their mother] To change. [another child worker and his parents] To not be what you were in the past. [a boy and his parents. Wendy glides by on her skateboard] This is a new place, ready for the next decade. [Sharon and Linda walk out with groceries] Updated, revitalized, [Kenny opens his front door and looks out. SoDoSoPa is abandoned, its signs falling down] and ready to fit in with the most progressive towns in America. [PC Principal lowers his Oakleys a bit and nods at the camera] This... is South Park. [a shot of the Mayor and Randy, with a few families, facing the camera at Whole Foods. Cartman and Kyle are in the background] Welcome Home.
Cartman
Are the Mexicans actually staying?
Kyle
Shhhh.
Fin de Une ville idéale


  1903: "Une ville idéale" edit
Éléments clés

Jimmy FallonSoDoSoPa • "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" • Whole Foods MarketCtPaTownMrs. NelsonThe Lofts At SoDoSoPa

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