Jesus Christ

What if the boys are the four horsemen of the apocalypse?

This would explain the constant apocalyptic events in South Park that the boys are often central in, as well as their connections to so many high tier government officials and supernatural creatures. Cartman obviously comes front and center as War, constantly provoking and dividing people, and even in a trademark red coat. Kenny is Pestilence, living in poverty and squalor and on many occasions contracting deadly diseases or doing incredibly unsanitary things. Kyle (unfortunately a weak link) is Famine, just instead of being literally starved he is starved morally, constantly forced to observe all the heinous things his friends do but unable to stop them despite trying. Finally, we have Stan as the pale horseman, Death. Often announcing Kennys death, leading the group yet often being soft spoken and in the back. He also is depicted as being the most natural one of them all.

It’s been a long time. Does anyone even remember theories 1-18? Should I repost?

Anyway…. how do you feel about this fun theory?

As you can see, there's two South Park major console video games, and they both have themes; Stick of Truth is based on the Fantasy theme, and FBW is based on Superheroes theme. This next one, will be based on the Mystical theme. In other words, this one parodies and centers on religion as well as Greek and Roman mythology.

For starters, the whole crew of the Super Best Friends has a major role this episode. Even Seaman is not left out; he allies with Stan.

Kyle, along with the rest of the Broflovskis, since they're Jewish, become allies with the Super Best Friend Moses. Jesus, since he's technically Jewish too, offers them support. The Jewish society forms and they all form one fort, and they have frequent meetings in the Hall of the Super Best Friends. Kyle and his crew is antagonized by Cartman and most guys of the crew are bosses.

On the Greek mythology side, we have several of the kids dress up as the Olympians, and are the main allies for combat. The Olympians are:

• Token is Zeus

• Stan is Poseidon (which explains his alliance with Seaman)

• Kenny is Hades (instead of Hermes, as Hades makes more sense since he's the God of the Dead)

• Cartman is Ares (which is by far the most accurate)

• Scott Malkinson is Hermes

• Wendy is Amphitrite (Poseidon's significant other, and in actual Greek mythology, she's the sole non-Olympian in the squad)

• Clyde is Apollo

• Heidi is Artemis

• Nichole is Hera (Zeus's significant other)

• Francis is Ceres

• Kevin Stoley is Vulcan

• Annie is Aphrodite, and finally

• Nelly is Hestia

The Olympian meetings are held at Token's mansion

On the Christian-Satanist side, we have the other guys, most of them which defend the Church:

• Red is a Satanist (the Dark Angel), and fights to avenge Satan, ultimately becoming ManBearPig's foe

• Timmy is a Catholic Pope (and is not playable)

• Priest Maxi is also not playable, but does give out missions

• The Choir Boys are: Butters, Craig, Tweek and Bradley. They require missions to be completed to be unlocked and fight on the Olympians' side.

• Jimmy is the Friar, he'd also require missions to be completed to be unlocked and fight on the Olympians' side

• Bebe is Medusa, and is one of the bosses early in the game, but once defeated she can become an ally

• Medusa Bebe's companions: Millie, Kelly Gardner, Jenny Simons, Jessie, Kal and Powder all fight on your side in the final mission. Jessie and Kal are also featured in a DLC

• Mr. Garrison is not playable, but gives out quests

• The other SBFs (Joseph Smith, Krishna, Muhammad (who is censored), Buddha and Lao Tse) all fight on Kyle's side, but Smith and Buddha eventually defend the church. Smith is featured in a DLC

The bosses are:

The old Superheroes, Bebe, the 6th graders, Gerald (there's also several references to SkankHunt42), Randy and Towelie (antagonized by Stan, Towelie can become an ally later on), Mr. Slave, Vampire Kids, Sheila, Ike (twice, the second time he's on hormones), the police force (antagonized by Token), Heather Swanson, ManBearPig (Red is unlocked as an ally), Cyclopes (throughout the game), Moses and finally Kyle Broflovski and his minions. Eventually conflict between the Christian-Olympians and the Jews is resolved by Token and Jesus.

The New Kid can choose what God (or Goddess) they want to be, provided it's not one taken by the other kids, for example I'd choose Tartarus (God of the Deep Abyss), and the New Kid would be known as Tartarus for the whole story. The New Kid also has basic speaking lines, mostly said throughout combat, but not a very advanced vocabulary.

The main social media parody platform, was Facebook for Stick of Truth, and Coonstagram for FBW. This time, it will be a parody of Snapchat, and many people will be able to be added friends on the app, including the entire squad of the Olympians (and Wendy).

About 50% of the side quests in the game have something to do with religion. The religious ones are mostly issued by Seaman, Bebe and Priest Maxi. The non religious ones are mostly issued by PC Principal, Strong Woman and Mr. Garrison, for example defeating Mr. Slave and Heather Swanson, who turns into a cyclops mid-combat, but reverts after being defeated.

As for the DLCs which I mentioned, they involve stuff that parodies episodes and scenes from the past, similar to how From Dusk Till Casa Bonita did:

• The Kal-Jessie DLC features Spoiled Stupid Whore (which is pretty ironic) and a freshly restored South Park Mall, and they have to take down Wendy's father, who's threatening to destroy the store. Bebe's there to help

• Smith's DLC involves defending Mormonism

• Other DLCs include helping the girls with a mystery (similar to Stick of Truth but a different plot)

Finally, similarly to the Human Kite and Super Craig in Fractured but Whole, Friar Jimmy and the Choir Boys will require missions to be completed so they can join alliances with the Olympians. This would include defeating Jimmy's nemesis' Nathan, as well as helping Tweek and Craig reconcile (they've been having arguments 24/7 lately; Butters and Bradley can't break it up, but will help the New Kid in completing it).

So there it is, my ideas for a new South Park game. Sorry I made this post so long, but what do you guys think?

This picture of Gerald is labeled as a picture of Jesus

Merry Christmas, my good friends! I hope Santa brought you lots of goodies today and I hope you had an awesome day.

Well, I did this for Thanksgiving and Halloween, so here it is: my ranking of all the South Park Christmas episodes! This is going to be a long one. Keep in mind that these are all my opinions, I'm sure there might be a few controversial ones in here, so feel free to share your own opinions! I also haven't seen HappyHolograms or Bike Parade, so I'm not going to be including those ones on this list.

#8: Christmas Snow

I'm sure this won't surprise many people here. I feel like a lot of us are in agreement that this was a pretty weak Christmas special. We had finally gotten a break from Randy after Season Finale, but then they had to bring him back for Christmas Snow. This one just lacked any sort of heartfelt when compared to the other Christmas specials.

#7: Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics

I just want to start out by saying that I don't hate this episode for what it is. I only rank it so low because it's now really a traditional Christmas episode, but a collection of South Park Christmas songs. I do really like the songs, and I understand the circumstances surrounding Mary Kay Bergman's death. I almost considered just not including this episode on the list, because it's kind of unfair to compare it to the other episodes that are actual stories... but I figured I'd include it anyway.

#6: Woodland Critter Christmas

Alright, this one will probably be my most controversial ranking, but I'll just say it: I didn't love Woodland Critter Christmas. I actually probably prefer Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics, but this episode probably is just objectively better. That being said, I've watched this episode and rewatched it trying see what everyone else sees in it, and I just don't. Maybe it's because it's a little more mean-spirited than the others? I did think it had some pretty incredible visuals, like when Kyle decided to become the antichrist. But it just kind of missed the mark for me.

#5: Merry Christmas Charlie Manson!

I actually love this episode, so I think that can kind of tell you how the rest of this list is going. Probably the biggest reason it's not ranked higher is because I actually didn't watch it until recently, so I don't have any previous attachment to it. It's also just a little bit less special feeling than the rest. It's a short but sweet story, with a good balance of humor and a nice (if a little sarcastic) message at the end.

#4: It's Christmas in Canada

It pains me to only put this at #4, but I can't really justify putting it any higher. This episode struck a lot of chords for me; it heavily features Ike and Kyle, I love the Canadians, and the running gag of "I guess we won't get to have a Christmas adventure this year" just really worked for me. That being said, I feel like this Christmas special doesn't nearly get the recognition it deserves, and I kind of see why it might not have stood out to a lot of South Park fans, But this was genuinely one of my favorite episodes of season 7, and "French Canada" still sticks in my head every time I watch it.

#3: A Very Crappy Christmas

I actually was going to put this one even higher, but after re-evaluating the list I decided to move this one to number three. Not to this episode's discredit, of course; this episode still rocks! Mr. Hankey's family is great, I love the boys' rendition of "Even A Miracle Needs A Hand," and this episode holds a bit of a special place in my heart since it's the first Christmas South Park special I ever saw. That being said, I did resist the temptation to put it any higher since I'm not sure if I'd be quite as fond of it without the nostalgia behind it.

#2: Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo

Gosh, what a classic. I'm sure this is bound to be some peoples' favorite just because it's the very first South Park Christmas episode, and I absolutely see why it's so popular! The ending was perfect, I believe the first episode where Kenny didn't die, despite all the buildup and teasing of it. But really, Mr. Hankey and Kyle were the stars of this episode. It is surprisingly kind of a tense episode, and you really feel bad for Kyle; but I felt genuine relief at the ending where Chef reveals that Mr. Hankey was real all along. That being said, there is one more episode that beats this one for me, and that is:

#1: Red Sleigh Down

I mean, the plot itself is already enough to make this episode stand out: the boys and Jesus have to go to Baghdad and rescue Santa from Iraqi terrorists. But Cartman and his attempts to be "nice" really made the episode for me, like "I'm having a precious Christmastime moment, Kyle, if you don't mind." and "This is such a magical Christmas adventure, you guys." Jesus was also incredible in this episode, and the cuts to Jimmy slowly making his way through "The Twelve Days of Christmas" was just perfect. And of course, this was the episode to bring back Kenny! Maybe it's not everyone's top pick, but it's definitely my favorite episode and well deserving of the #1 spot.