I don’t feel particularly comfortable continuing to interact with other users on here based on recent events. I don’t get a positive vibe or feeling from being on here. I simply joined this site as a means of possibly being acquainted with other fans who had a similar passion for South Park to my own, but I feel judged as I try to express my opinions and convey my thoughts.

I’ve never really known what it feels like to have a true friend admittedly, and for a moment, I thought I could finally be accepted as I was on this site. However, I realized that the online world can be just as cruel as life in actuality, and that the internet is no true escape from reality. I need to be a stronger person from here on and act more decisively. I need to stop being so pathetic and actually have self-esteem for once, rather than continue allowing the world to negatively label me and mold me as they wish. It’s time I face my demons and confront life as it comes.

In terms of my obsession with Scott Malkinson, I only meant to express my love for this character in the most genuine, sincere way that I could simply because for once, I saw someone kind and decent who almost represented another me. I thought that maybe, just maybe if he were real, we could have offered each other the friendship, compassion, and understanding we so often fail to receive from others. I only care for this character in the purest way one could, as there is nothing romantic or sexual in terms of how I feel about him. I should know, considering I wasted 10 months of my life since the pandemic started writing and crafting heartfelt stories on the life I wish I had with him as my muse.

Still, life is cruel, and people are cruel. I have learned with time that there is no love in this world and that true decency nowadays is very rare to find. I simply tried to have a normal discussion in a specific thread that, although admittedly off-topic, was just another dumb attempt at soul-searching and trying to discover the aspects of myself I have never quite understood.

I will still keep my stories up on Wattpad and chose not to delete them, considering they are all precious to me and I hold them very dearly to my heart. I also appreciate some of the more positive discussions I have had with users that have encouraged me for the better, but for the time being, I don’t wish to continue posting on here. I feel deeply hurt right now and realize that my attempts at socializing and fitting in on this website are just another failed attempt at being understood.