Cartman Gets an Anal Probe



"Cartman Gets an Anal Probe" is the first episode of Season One, and the 1st overall episode of South Park, excluding the Unaired Pilot. It aired on August 13, 1997.

Synopsis
In this first official, construction paper made episode of south park, Cartman is abducted by visitors, who give him an anal probe. The visitors also kidnap Ike when Kyle abandons him at the bus stop and he must get him back. Meanwhile, Stan has a date with Wendy.

Plot
In this episode, Cartman details his dream of being abducted and receiving an anal probe. While the others try to convince him it was real, but Cartman dismisses it as them just trying to scare him. Chef then pulls up and asks the boys if they saw a visitor spaceship, inadvertently confirming the reality behind Cartman's "dream." Chef is also wearing a t-shirt with a visitor on the back stating "Believe", scaring Cartman a little more. After Chef leaves, the school bus shows up, introducing Ms. Crabtree, a scary-looking, loudmouthed, middle aged school bus driver who constantly tells the children to "Sit down and shut up!" As the bus is driving away Kyle looks back and sees his brother, Ike, being held by two visitors and Cartman constantly calls Ike a dildo (despite not actually knowing what a dildo is until Kenny fills him in).

Several other visitors try to lure away cows by whistling and offering straw. The cows aren't falling for the trap as several of them have been turned inside out. Officer Barbrady explains that a cow turning inside out is nothing unusual; clearly revealing that he's an incompetent law officer. Also, when the jets fly by and the farmer asks what they were, Barbrady says they were pigeons.

Worried about his brother, Kyle asks Mr. Garrison if he can be excused to find his brother. After being asked, Mr. Garrison tells Kyle he has to ask Mr. Garrison's puppet, Mr. Hat. This is when Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat's shared catchphrase of, "You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!" is introduced. Cartman laughs at Kyle and ends up farting fire (due to the anal probe) at one of the children, whom we later discover is Pip.

After class, the four are standing in line when Stan's love for Wendy is revealed by him vomiting when Wendy talks to him. When he asked Chef what to do when someone doesn't believe you, he breaks out into a sultry, erotic, (but off-topic) song about him "making love to a woman by the fire". This ends up being a running-gag of Chef's and the subject of his other songs in future South Park episodes.

After being told Kyle's brother was abducted by visitors, Chef freaks out and says, "What the hell do you think you're doing in school eating Salisbury steak? Go find him, dammit!" This is when a cycloptic robot pops up from behind Cartman and quickly retreats from whence it came. This ends up being the anal probe from Cartman's dream to help the children find Kyle's brother, Chef pulls the fire alarm.

When the children get out of school, Cartman still doesn't believe that he has gotten an anal probe from the visitors. When assuring his case, lightning strikes him out of nowhere as he beings to sing "I like to Singa". The children use this as proof that Cartman is being controlled by visitors. Cartman, in all ignorance, still disagrees with their idea.

To lure the visitors back, Stan, Kyle, and Wendy tie Cartman up to a tree. After Cartman farts flames several times, an 80-foot satellite dish protrudes from his butt. After the visitor spaceships show up, Ike is revealed behind a door on a ship. Kyle, in trying to get his brother to jump down, tells him to do his impersonation of David Caruso's career. Before jumping out, the visitors talk to the cows. The visitors tell the cows that they are the most intelligent life form that they found on Planet Earth. The cows want to know why they turned some of their cow friends inside out, the visitors explain that it was "Carl's fault, he's new" and give them a device that makes people sing. Before leaving, the visitors abduct Cartman again.

The next morning, Cartman lands at the bus stop with pinkeye that was given to him by Scott Baio.