Titties and Dragons

"Titties and Dragons" is the ninth episode of Season Seventeen, and the 246th overall episode of South Park. It aired on December 4, 2013.

Synopsis
The doors to the mall will finally open for the biggest Black Friday sale in history. The boys are divided over which gaming device to buy and a bloody battle will determine whether X-box or Sony will be the winner.

Plot
The episode begins with the president of Sony telling Princess Kenny of the Microsoft blockades that prevent the Playstation 4s from shipping.

At the Cartman Residence, Clyde Donovan tells Eric Cartman that Princess Kenny is winning the console wars for Sony. Kyle Broflovski devises a plan.

At the South Park Mall, Channel 4 News's reporter, Niles Lawson, details the state of the consumers who are waiting for Black Friday, including interviewing a man who ate his 5 year old son.

At the Playstation 4 army's base, Stan Marsh, Jimmy Valmer, and Craig Tucker go over their plan to get into the mall. They discuss their need to takeover the Red Robin, in order to get into the mall through the back. They are interrupted by Pete, who tells him that the Xbox One army is there and that they want to switch sides. Cartman pleads to let them switch sides, however Stan declines. Cartman then, in order to switch sides, tells them how to get into the Red Robin. He says that they can hold a "Red Robin Wedding". Stan asks Kyle if he swears to never talk about the Xbox One again, which he does. Stan allows the Xbox One army to join. Unbeknownst to Stan, Kyle had his fingers crossed.

Back at the Sony headquarters, Princess Kenny and others discuss the console wars, when Kenny gets Cartman's invitation to the wedding, Kenny then jumps out the window, and dies, but immediately revives.

At the Garden of Betrayal, Cartman attempts to manipulate Stan into staying away from the doors when they first open. However, the old man who owns the garden, tells Stan the truth, that Cartman plans to lock the Playstation 4 army inside the Red Robin. Stan leaves after Cartman confirms that Kyle came up with the idea. Cartman and the old man get into another argument and Cartman threatens to defecate in his garden.

Black Friday is here and the doors to the mall are about to open as soon as George R. R. Martin cuts the ceremonial red ribbon, who is on his way.

Meanwhile, Butters Stotch, along with Scott Malkinson and George R. R. Martin, are riding horseback to South Park.

At the Red Robin, the two armies are decorating for the "wedding". One employee asks who is getting married and Cartman quickly lies that Tom Hanks and Beyonce are the bride and groom. Kyle asks Cartman if Stan figured out the plan, to which Cartman confirms and reveals that he got Stan grounded.

At the Marsh Residence, Sharon Marsh, Stan's mother tells Kyle that Stan is grounded for defecating in the old man's garden. Kyle attempts to reconcile with Stan and attempts to provide his reasoning for the betrayal. He points out the fact that Randy Marsh, Stan's father, had taken a temporary job as security. Stan reveals to Kyle that he didn't know that his dad had taken a temporary job. Stan ends his friendship with Kyle.

At the mall, Randy attempts to pep-talk the remainder of the security team. Suddenly, shoppers start breaking in through the windows. One of the security team attempts to run away but Randy shoots him with an arrow, killing him. Randy then screams about how everyone liked him.

Meanwhile, George R. R. Martin arrives to cut the ribbon. Instead, he speaks of his penis.

At the Red Robin, Kyle shows up and with the Playstation 4 army, betrays the Xbox One army. Cartman asks what Kyle is doing, Kyle reveals that he is going to get Stan a Playstation 4 and that the war is over. Bill Gates and the Sony president arrive, however neither Kyle nor Cartman have planned this. Stan, behind everyone, locks the doors to the Red Robin.

At the mall, Randy learns that Tom Cruise and Beyonce are locked in the Red Robin. Randy goes to save them.

At the Red Robin, Stan says that this war is about Microsoft and Sony and not about the kids. He tells Bill Gates and the Sony president to fight themselves. The two proceed to fight.

In front of the mall, an angry consumer cuts off George R. R. Martin's penis and cuts the ribbon, starting Black Friday. As the consumers get through the doors, the remaining members of security are engulfed and are presumed to be trampled to death, as the consumers kill each other to get their gifts. As Randy fights the crowds to get to the Red Robin, Sharon calls him and tells him that Stan snuck out and is at the Red Robin, making Randy even more panicked.

At the Red Robin, Bill Gates kills the Sony president, when Randy unlocks the doors.

The kids glumly travel through the mall, seeing thousands dead, and purchase Xbox Ones.

Outside the mall, Channel 4 News, as Randy takes home his new television, reveal that the true winners of Black Friday, was Channel 4 News.

Later, at Cartman's house, the kids play the Xbox One, noticing the minimal differences between the Xbox One and the Xbox 360. Cartman suggests going outside to play. When Kyle asks what's wrong, Cartman says that he can't get the image of Bill Gates bashing the Sony president's head in. Stan asks what they are going to do. Cartman tells everyone to look at what they accomplished, whilst not playing video games. Cartman says that all they need to play is a stick. They all agree not to play video games, at which point, an advertisement for South Park: The Stick of Truth plays.