Ike's Wee Wee/Script

Cast:
Stan Kyle Cartman Kenny Mr. Mackey, with devil and angel Gerald and Sheila Broflovski Uncle Murray Dr. Schwartz Chef Mr. Garrison, Mr. Hat Ike Jimbo Ned Principal Victoria Bartender Hap Mr. Freeley Bum Train Station Clerks Sylvester the A-Team, with Mr. T Betty Ford Clinic Counselor

>

! bgcolor="#dcba98"|
 * Cartman:
 * Eech. [starts to walk, but then stops] Wait a minute! No you wouldn't!
 * Eech. [starts to walk, but then stops] Wait a minute! No you wouldn't!

1996-1998 {| bgcolor="#80878f" cellpadding="5" !HAP'S BAR
 * [The train comes to a stop. A door opens, and Ike is booted out]
 * Ike:
 * Oh. [lands on his head, then flips upright] Oooh. [a couple stops by]
 * Woman:
 * Oh, would you look at that, honey? Somebody dropped off a perfectly good trashcan! [the couple leaves]
 * Ike:
 * Yeah. No more walbolching! [skips into the corn fields nearby]
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Kyle's house. The boys return from the bus stop]
 * Sheila:
 * Bubbe, where have you been?! Dinner's been ready for five minutes!
 * Kyle:
 * Sorry, Mom. I just had to deal with Ike. He, he's been cranky. [rustles the doll a bit]
 * Sheila:
 * How is my little jellybean?
 * Kyle:
 * [doing Ike] Bye-bye seeme mama. [as himself] Ah, I'm gonna take him up to the bathroom to get washed up. [Sylvester has found the house, and is seen looking from behind a small tree]
 * Sheila:
 * Okay, but first let Mommy give you a kiss. [the boys flinch]
 * Kyle:
 * No Mommyuh he, he doesn't want you kissing him! [Sheila withdraws as Sylvester leaps in and rips the doll from Kyle's hands]
 * Sheila:
 * Aaaaargh! Omigod, make him stop!
 * Gerald:
 * AAAAAAAAAA!
 * Kyle:
 * Put him down, you stupid dog!
 * Sheila:
 * My baby! Oh, God, the horror! [Sylvester is chewing the doll's head to pieces]
 * Gerald:
 * Get out of here, you mutt! Let him go! [he moves to chase Sylvester away. Sylvester bites into the doll and runs off with it. The boys can only stand with jaws dropped]
 * Sheila:
 * [frantically] OoooohhhhhhOOH-ho. Oooh, my baby! Bubbeleh mine! [all of them gather at the front porch. Sylvester is munching away on the doll in the middle of the street] Waaaaaaa!! [a truck driver is sleepily driving down the road, but he does see Sylvester] My baby!!
 * Driver:
 * Huuh? [steps on the brakes, but hits the dog]
 * Gerald:
 * Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!
 * Sheila:
 * Aaagh aaaaaaa! [the gas tank behind the cab cracks open like an egg, then explodes, killing the driver and Sylvester. She turns to cry on Gerald's shoulder] Oh, he's dead, he's dead! My little bubbeleh's dead!
 * Gerald:
 * There there, Shei-hla. There's nothing we can do. [Stan and Cartman look at Kyle, who puts his hands behind his back. Cartman's mad at him]
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[The funeral. Ike's casket is being lowered into the plot. Present at the funeral are the Marshes and the Broflovskis, Jimbo, Ned, Barbrady, a piper, and the priest, dressed as a rebbe]
 * Priest:
 * 'Yea, usher us unto the Lord,' saith some Jewish guy once. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust [he throws some ashes into the grave. As the piper starts up, everyone covers their ears. They go their separate ways]
 * Kyle:
 * Hey, wait a minute. How come Ike's tombstone has the Canadian flag on it?{| bgcolor="#807c80" cellpadding="5"
 * IKE MOISHA BROFLOVSKI
 * Gerald:
 * Get out of here, you mutt! Let him go! [he moves to chase Sylvester away. Sylvester bites into the doll and runs off with it. The boys can only stand with jaws dropped]
 * Sheila:
 * [frantically] OoooohhhhhhOOH-ho. Oooh, my baby! Bubbeleh mine! [all of them gather at the front porch. Sylvester is munching away on the doll in the middle of the street] Waaaaaaa!! [a truck driver is sleepily driving down the road, but he does see Sylvester] My baby!!
 * Driver:
 * Huuh? [steps on the brakes, but hits the dog]
 * Gerald:
 * Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!
 * Sheila:
 * Aaagh aaaaaaa! [the gas tank behind the cab cracks open like an egg, then explodes, killing the driver and Sylvester. She turns to cry on Gerald's shoulder] Oh, he's dead, he's dead! My little bubbeleh's dead!
 * Gerald:
 * There there, Shei-hla. There's nothing we can do. [Stan and Cartman look at Kyle, who puts his hands behind his back. Cartman's mad at him]
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[The funeral. Ike's casket is being lowered into the plot. Present at the funeral are the Marshes and the Broflovskis, Jimbo, Ned, Barbrady, a piper, and the priest, dressed as a rebbe]
 * Priest:
 * 'Yea, usher us unto the Lord,' saith some Jewish guy once. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust [he throws some ashes into the grave. As the piper starts up, everyone covers their ears. They go their separate ways]
 * Kyle:
 * Hey, wait a minute. How come Ike's tombstone has the Canadian flag on it?{| bgcolor="#807c80" cellpadding="5"
 * IKE MOISHA BROFLOVSKI
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[The funeral. Ike's casket is being lowered into the plot. Present at the funeral are the Marshes and the Broflovskis, Jimbo, Ned, Barbrady, a piper, and the priest, dressed as a rebbe]
 * Priest:
 * 'Yea, usher us unto the Lord,' saith some Jewish guy once. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust [he throws some ashes into the grave. As the piper starts up, everyone covers their ears. They go their separate ways]
 * Kyle:
 * Hey, wait a minute. How come Ike's tombstone has the Canadian flag on it?{| bgcolor="#807c80" cellpadding="5"
 * IKE MOISHA BROFLOVSKI
 * Kyle:
 * Hey, wait a minute. How come Ike's tombstone has the Canadian flag on it?{| bgcolor="#807c80" cellpadding="5"
 * IKE MOISHA BROFLOVSKI
 * BORN A CANADIAN, DIED AN AMERICAN
 * }
 * }
 * Sheila:
 * Well, bubbe, there's something you have to know. Ike wasn't really your brother-he was adopted.
 * Kyle:
 * What???
 * Gerald:
 * He was not really a Broflovski, he was Canadian. But we loved him all the same [he starts to sob]
 * Kyle:
 * You mean to tell me that all this time I've been trying to protect Ike from having his fireman cut off, and he's not even my real brother?!
 * Sheila:
 * What are you talking about?
 * Kyle:
 * Dude, Ike isn't dead. He's in Nebraska! [the boys turn right and walk away]
 * Sheila:
 * Whatwhatwhaaat?!
 * Stan:
 * Dude, you shouldn't have told them that. Now they're gonna find him and cut off his penis!
 * Cartman:
 * Fireman!
 * Kyle:
 * Ooh, who the hell cares? He's not even my responsibility.
 * Kenny:
 * [falling into an open grave] (Hey!) [the spiked tombstone falls in] (Hey, you guys! I'm dying-!) [the tombstone hits its mark. The grave is deep]
 * Stan:
 * [hears the impact and turns] Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
 * Kyle:
 * [flatly] You bastards! [keeps walking]
 * Priest:
 * [The crowds reconvenes, this time for Kenny's funeral] Yea, let us ponder the Lord's mercy. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. [The piper plays again]
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[somewhere in South Park, after the funeral. Jimbo and Ned pass Mackey on the sidewalk. Mackey's eyes are bloodshot. Jimbo and Mackey bump shoulders.]
 * Jimbo:
 * Get outta the way, you damn hippie!
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * [annoyed] I don't need to take you right-wing authroritative bullshit!
 * Jimbo:
 * What?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Aw, you're just like the government, man! Trying to prosecute outta one side of your mouth, okay, while supporting guns outta the other, 'kay?
 * Jimbo:
 * Aw, why don't you go to a Grateful Dead concert?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * I can't, man. Jerry Berry's dead, nkay?
 * Blonde:
 * He-e-ey, man, I overheard what you said; that was coool!
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Wha-oh. Thanks, man.
 * Blonde:
 * Would you like to come over to my place and fingerpaint?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * [getting mellow] Sure, man. Fingerpaintin's cool, 'kay? [they walk off]
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Lincoln, Nebraska, train station. The Broflovskis get off the train, Kyle first]
 * Sheila:
 * Now, where did you leave him, young man?
 * Kyle:
 * Aw, how the hell should I know?
 * Sheila:
 * Gerald, do something about your smartass son!
 * Gerald:
 * Uuuh. Mind your… mother, smartass.
 * Sheila:
 * If we don't find him, so help me, you're gonna be grounded for a month! [Gerald peeks into a trashcan] Ike, love?
 * Kyle:
 * [grousing] All the time: "Look out for your little brother, Kyle," "take care of your little brother, Kyle," and he wasn't even really my little brother.
 * Gerald:
 * Kyle, just because Ike is adopted doesn't make him any less your brother.
 * Kyle:
 * Yeah, right!
 * Sheila:
 * [puts down a bench she was looking under as a clerk approaches] Excuse me, we're looking for a two-year old Canadian boy.
 * Clerk:
 * Two-year old Canadian boy, two-year old Canadian boy- oh, I think they might have one of those down at Hap's bar.
 * Sheila:
 * [gasps] Come on!!
 * {| bgcolor="black" cellpadding="5"
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * [getting mellow] Sure, man. Fingerpaintin's cool, 'kay? [they walk off]
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Lincoln, Nebraska, train station. The Broflovskis get off the train, Kyle first]
 * Sheila:
 * Now, where did you leave him, young man?
 * Kyle:
 * Aw, how the hell should I know?
 * Sheila:
 * Gerald, do something about your smartass son!
 * Gerald:
 * Uuuh. Mind your… mother, smartass.
 * Sheila:
 * If we don't find him, so help me, you're gonna be grounded for a month! [Gerald peeks into a trashcan] Ike, love?
 * Kyle:
 * [grousing] All the time: "Look out for your little brother, Kyle," "take care of your little brother, Kyle," and he wasn't even really my little brother.
 * Gerald:
 * Kyle, just because Ike is adopted doesn't make him any less your brother.
 * Kyle:
 * Yeah, right!
 * Sheila:
 * [puts down a bench she was looking under as a clerk approaches] Excuse me, we're looking for a two-year old Canadian boy.
 * Clerk:
 * Two-year old Canadian boy, two-year old Canadian boy- oh, I think they might have one of those down at Hap's bar.
 * Sheila:
 * [gasps] Come on!!
 * {| bgcolor="black" cellpadding="5"
 * Kyle:
 * Yeah, right!
 * Sheila:
 * [puts down a bench she was looking under as a clerk approaches] Excuse me, we're looking for a two-year old Canadian boy.
 * Clerk:
 * Two-year old Canadian boy, two-year old Canadian boy- oh, I think they might have one of those down at Hap's bar.
 * Sheila:
 * [gasps] Come on!!
 * {| bgcolor="black" cellpadding="5"
 * Sheila:
 * [gasps] Come on!!
 * {| bgcolor="black" cellpadding="5"
 * {| bgcolor="black" cellpadding="5"
 * {| bgcolor="black" cellpadding="5"
 * {| bgcolor="black" cellpadding="5"
 * }[The Broflovskis enter and scan the room, Ike is being used as a base at one table. The camera pans back to him]
 * Sheila:
 * [rushes over to him and throws the table top off to get him] Ike!
 * Ike:
 * Mamatoedoe.
 * Barkeep:
 * Hey, lady, that's my table post! You can't have that!
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Mr. Mackey and the blonde are in bed admiring the fingerpainting they have done all over the room, including the ceiling]
 * Mackey:
 * Wow, man. You know, it's like… you go through life thinking that you're an individual, nkay? And then you realize that you're more than that, 'kay. We're all just one big individual, 'kay?
 * Blonde:
 * Let's get married and have a honeymoon in India.
 * Mackey:
 * [gives it some thought] Nkay. [he removes his tie and his head deflates to a normal state]
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Kyle's house. Home sweet cell]
 * Gerald:
 * Now you march to your room, and you think about what you've done!
 * Sheila:
 * But first apologize to your brother
 * Kyle:
 * [pointing at Ike] He's not my brother!
 * Gerald:
 * Apologize to him!
 * Kyle:
 * [angrily] I'm sorry, Ike. [turns around and walks off]
 * Ike:
 * Uh oh, stufid. [Kyle goes into his room and closes the door. Ike is saddened]
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Somewhere in India, Mackey and the blonde are hiking. Elephants bathe in the river below them]
 * Blonde:
 * Wooow, this is sooo beautiful!
 * Mackey:
 * [a dove alights on his right arm] I am one with the animals! And the trees!
 * Blonde:
 * And I am one with you! [they reach for each other][Mr. T flies onto him and pins him. Two other men come and pick him up, then all three rough him up]Woo, whoa! Ow! Hey! [they carry him away] Uh oh hel-m. Hey!
 * Gerald:
 * Apologize to him!
 * Kyle:
 * [angrily] I'm sorry, Ike. [turns around and walks off]
 * Ike:
 * Uh oh, stufid. [Kyle goes into his room and closes the door. Ike is saddened]
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Somewhere in India, Mackey and the blonde are hiking. Elephants bathe in the river below them]
 * Blonde:
 * Wooow, this is sooo beautiful!
 * Mackey:
 * [a dove alights on his right arm] I am one with the animals! And the trees!
 * Blonde:
 * And I am one with you! [they reach for each other][Mr. T flies onto him and pins him. Two other men come and pick him up, then all three rough him up]Woo, whoa! Ow! Hey! [they carry him away] Uh oh hel-m. Hey!
 * Blonde:
 * Wooow, this is sooo beautiful!
 * Mackey:
 * [a dove alights on his right arm] I am one with the animals! And the trees!
 * Blonde:
 * And I am one with you! [they reach for each other][Mr. T flies onto him and pins him. Two other men come and pick him up, then all three rough him up]Woo, whoa! Ow! Hey! [they carry him away] Uh oh hel-m. Hey!
 * Blonde:
 * And I am one with you! [they reach for each other][Mr. T flies onto him and pins him. Two other men come and pick him up, then all three rough him up]Woo, whoa! Ow! Hey! [they carry him away] Uh oh hel-m. Hey!

A true reason to be Now I feel I can start anew-'' !REHABILITATION
 * Mackey:
 * ''At long last I have found
 * ''At long last I have found
 * Blonde:
 * [subdued] Whoa!
 * Mackey:
 * [as Mr. T tosses him into the A-Team van] Yeah I got-, mkay?
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Inside the van. Jimbo is driving, with Ned sitting next to him. Mr. Mackey sits between Mr, T and Mr. Garrison]
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Uh- What the hell is going on?!
 * Jimbo:
 * Tough love, Mr. Mackey. We're taking you to rehab.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * I don't want to go to rehab. I haven't even done drugs in weeks!
 * Principal Victoria:
 * We were wrong for shunning you, Mr. Mackey, and we apologize. We should have realized that you needed help.
 * Mr. Garrison:
 * Yeah, now we're gonna make sure you get the help you need.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * I don't want help!
 * Principal Victoria:
 * You're gonna thank us later. [they drive off into the distance]
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[The big day is here. Guests are arriving]
 * Sheila:
 * Hello, Tom. Hello, Patty. Thanks for coming to Ike's bris.
 * Ike:
 * Uh oh.
 * Sheila:
 * Look Ike, It's Uncle Murray
 * Uncle Murray:
 * Hello, Ike! Say, where's little Kyle?
 * Sheila:
 * He's been sent to his room for being a bastard. He's decided that Ike isn't his brother, since he's adopted. [Uncle Murray moves off]
 * Guest:
 * Hi there!
 * Sheila:
 * Hello. Ddo I know you?
 * Guest:
 * Uhno, but I never miss a bris. Here, I brought some dip. [gives it to her]
 * Sheila:
 * Ohhh, thanks.
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Kyle's room. The boys are gathered there]
 * Cartman:
 * Well, I guess the chopping is about to commence.
 * Ike:
 * [enters the room with a photo album] Oh deh family nrr.
 * Kyle:
 * What do you want?!
 * Ike:
 * I wumuh trecompr. Com. Tebruhnerr. [he opens the album, which reveals pictures of Kyle and Ike. Tender music plays. Kyle looks. The first one has Kyle holding Ike, while the second one has Ike riding on Kyle's elephant]
 * Kyle:
 * Oooh no you don't! That isn't gonna work on me, Canadian!
 * Stan:
 * Maybe you're being too hard on him, dude.
 * Kyle:
 * No way! There's no real connection between us. It was all a big lie.
 * Ike:
 * [pulling the album down a bit] Cooka monster [flips some pages] two three four five. [The third one: Kyle and Ike tossing a football. The fourth one: a family portrait. The fifth one: Kyle, with Ike in his walker. The sixth one: Kyle giving Ike a bath]
 * Kyle:
 * Go on, Canadian! Beat it! I'm through getting in trouble for you!
 * Ike:
 * [now sporting one of Kyle's caps] Baraterndr nfard fy.
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|
 * Social Worker:
 * You have to admit you have a problem before anyone can help you.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * But I don't think I really have a problem.
 * Social Worker:
 * Nonsense! You did drugs! I suppose you forgot all about your family.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * I don't really have a family.
 * Social Worker:
 * And you lost your job.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * No, I lost my job before that.
 * Social Worker:
 * Mr. Mackey, you're supposed to be an adult. [nearby, the two teens are on a sofa watching the Teletubbies]{| bgcolor="gray"
 * I wumuh trecompr. Com. Tebruhnerr. [he opens the album, which reveals pictures of Kyle and Ike. Tender music plays. Kyle looks. The first one has Kyle holding Ike, while the second one has Ike riding on Kyle's elephant]
 * Kyle:
 * Oooh no you don't! That isn't gonna work on me, Canadian!
 * Stan:
 * Maybe you're being too hard on him, dude.
 * Kyle:
 * No way! There's no real connection between us. It was all a big lie.
 * Ike:
 * [pulling the album down a bit] Cooka monster [flips some pages] two three four five. [The third one: Kyle and Ike tossing a football. The fourth one: a family portrait. The fifth one: Kyle, with Ike in his walker. The sixth one: Kyle giving Ike a bath]
 * Kyle:
 * Go on, Canadian! Beat it! I'm through getting in trouble for you!
 * Ike:
 * [now sporting one of Kyle's caps] Baraterndr nfard fy.
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|
 * Social Worker:
 * You have to admit you have a problem before anyone can help you.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * But I don't think I really have a problem.
 * Social Worker:
 * Nonsense! You did drugs! I suppose you forgot all about your family.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * I don't really have a family.
 * Social Worker:
 * And you lost your job.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * No, I lost my job before that.
 * Social Worker:
 * Mr. Mackey, you're supposed to be an adult. [nearby, the two teens are on a sofa watching the Teletubbies]{| bgcolor="gray"
 * Social Worker:
 * Nonsense! You did drugs! I suppose you forgot all about your family.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * I don't really have a family.
 * Social Worker:
 * And you lost your job.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * No, I lost my job before that.
 * Social Worker:
 * Mr. Mackey, you're supposed to be an adult. [nearby, the two teens are on a sofa watching the Teletubbies]{| bgcolor="gray"
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * No, I lost my job before that.
 * Social Worker:
 * Mr. Mackey, you're supposed to be an adult. [nearby, the two teens are on a sofa watching the Teletubbies]{| bgcolor="gray"
 * Mr. Mackey, you're supposed to be an adult. [nearby, the two teens are on a sofa watching the Teletubbies]{| bgcolor="gray"
 * }The problem with drugs is that people forget to stop doing them. There's a time and a place for everything, Mr. Mackey, and it's called 'College!' Now, I want you to repeat after me: 'Drugs Are Bad.'
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Drugs are baad.
 * Social Worker:
 * Drugs Are Bad.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Uuh. Dru- drugs are baad.
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[More guests arrive for Ike's bris. Ding-dong]
 * Sheila:
 * Hello, Dr. Schwartz. Thank you so much for coming all this way to perform Ike's bris.
 * Dr. Schwartz:
 * Oh, my pleasure, Sheila. I brought the normal cutting device, but then I remembered that Ike was Canadian, so I brought the right one [smaller(!)]. Where is the little rug rat?
 * Sheila:
 * Right over here. [takes him over to Ike]
 * Dr. Schwartz:
 * Come 'ere, you!
 * Ike:
 * Oowwww! [skips away into Kyle's room] Oh deh faminrr. [hops over to Kyle. They look at each other as the doctor calls]
 * Dr. Schwartz:
 * Ike? Ike?
 * Ike:
 * [jumps up and hugs Kyle] Heh cohcoh mondefern menurr. [hugs him tighter, and Kyle is moved]
 * Dr. Schwartz:
 * There you are. Come on Ike, it's time.
 * Kyle:
 * [recovers and gets angry] You stay away from my little brother!
 * Dr. Schwartz:
 * Bu-bu-but son I just-
 * Kyle:
 * You aren't gonna cut off his weewee. Not today, you sick-ass weirdo!
 * Sheila:
 * [now in the room] Kyle, what are you talking about?!
 * Kyle:
 * And you! You should be ashaned of yourself! Don't you understand that us males are defined by our firemen?!
 * Cartman:
 * [a bit solemnly] Yes. The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet, he spits in your eyes. [Stan draws a blank]
 * Dr. Schwartz:
 * Kyle. A-a circumcision is a very common thing for Ike to have. His father had it, his grandfather had it. And [pointing at him] his brother had it.
 * Kyle:
 * No! [Cartman and Stan gape] No, it isn't true!
 * Dr. Schwartz:
 * We're not going to cut it off! We're just goin' to snip it, so it looks bigger.
 * Stan:
 * [after he and Cartman wonder] Oh, hey, that doesn't sound like a bad idea!
 * Cartman:
 * Heyeah, I want to get a circumstision, too. [Kyle looks back at the adults]
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[The Betty Ford Clinic. Mr. Mackey and the social worker exit the main building]
 * Social Worker:
 * Congratulations, Mr Mackey. You are fully recovered.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * I can't thank you enough for everything, mkay? I feel like my old self again.
 * Social Worker:
 * Just one more thing. [she sets his tie in place, and his head inflates to its original state] Remember that you caaan stay sober.
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * I will, Ms. Social Worker. I will. [they embrace one last time] Mkay?
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Kyle's house. Everyone is gathered for the bris]
 * Kyle:
 * It's okay, Ike. I'm here.
 * Dr. Schwartz:
 * And-a one and-a two and-a… bris [snip].
 * Ike:
 * Ouch. Amuhbuhbuhbuh. [The boys faint. The adults clap. He skips over to Kyle] Cooka monsder.
 * Kyle:
 * [gets up] Ike, you're okay. [Cartman and Stan get up]
 * Stan:
 * Whoa, dude, I guess having a bris isn't all that bad.
 * Kyle:
 * Yeah. You know, I've learned something today. Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's about who you care about.
 * Stan:
 * Yeah.
 * Kyle:
 * And that's why I feel like you guys are more than just friends. You're my family. [tugs on Ike and moves away] Except for Cartman.
 * Stan:
 * [follows] Naturally.
 * Cartman:
 * Eah, screw you guys! I don't- wanna be in your penis-choppin' family anyway!
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Monday morning, Mr. Garrison's class]
 * Mr. Garrison:
 * And so now, children, your school counselor is back, to tell you first-hand about his nasty experience with drugs and alcohol. [makes way for Mr. Mackey]
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Okay, kids? Uh- you shouldn't do drugs, nkay-drugs are bad. You see, I was at the bottom of the barrel. I was a wreck; why, I didn't even care about money. I wasuh I was wasting my life.
 * Cartman:
 * Hey, you guys wanna come to my bris tomorrow?
 * Stan:
 * You can't have your bris tomorrow, Cartman, that's when I'm having mine.
 * Cartman:
 * No way, I set up mine first, hippie!
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Now boys, you need to listen up, onkay? Wha- what I'm talkin' about might save your life someday, mkay?
 * Stan:
 * Uhkay, Mr. Mackey, umkay?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Onkay.
 * Kyle:
 * Mkay?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Onkay.
 * Cartman:
 * Okay?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Hmkay. [the camera slowly pulls away] Now, as I was sayin, uh- drugs are bad. You shouldn't do drugs. Eh, uh if you do them, you're bad. Because drugs are bad. Mkay? It's a bad thing to do drugs, soduh so don't be bad. By doing drugs, unkay? That'd be bad. Uh drugs are bad. Unkay?
 * [end of Ike's Wee Wee]/>
 * Whoa, dude, I guess having a bris isn't all that bad.
 * Kyle:
 * Yeah. You know, I've learned something today. Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's about who you care about.
 * Stan:
 * Yeah.
 * Kyle:
 * And that's why I feel like you guys are more than just friends. You're my family. [tugs on Ike and moves away] Except for Cartman.
 * Stan:
 * [follows] Naturally.
 * Cartman:
 * Eah, screw you guys! I don't- wanna be in your penis-choppin' family anyway!
 * bgcolor="#dcba98"|[Monday morning, Mr. Garrison's class]
 * Mr. Garrison:
 * And so now, children, your school counselor is back, to tell you first-hand about his nasty experience with drugs and alcohol. [makes way for Mr. Mackey]
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Okay, kids? Uh- you shouldn't do drugs, nkay-drugs are bad. You see, I was at the bottom of the barrel. I was a wreck; why, I didn't even care about money. I wasuh I was wasting my life.
 * Cartman:
 * Hey, you guys wanna come to my bris tomorrow?
 * Stan:
 * You can't have your bris tomorrow, Cartman, that's when I'm having mine.
 * Cartman:
 * No way, I set up mine first, hippie!
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Now boys, you need to listen up, onkay? Wha- what I'm talkin' about might save your life someday, mkay?
 * Stan:
 * Uhkay, Mr. Mackey, umkay?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Onkay.
 * Kyle:
 * Mkay?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Onkay.
 * Cartman:
 * Okay?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Hmkay. [the camera slowly pulls away] Now, as I was sayin, uh- drugs are bad. You shouldn't do drugs. Eh, uh if you do them, you're bad. Because drugs are bad. Mkay? It's a bad thing to do drugs, soduh so don't be bad. By doing drugs, unkay? That'd be bad. Uh drugs are bad. Unkay?
 * [end of Ike's Wee Wee]/>
 * Stan:
 * Uhkay, Mr. Mackey, umkay?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Onkay.
 * Kyle:
 * Mkay?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Onkay.
 * Cartman:
 * Okay?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Hmkay. [the camera slowly pulls away] Now, as I was sayin, uh- drugs are bad. You shouldn't do drugs. Eh, uh if you do them, you're bad. Because drugs are bad. Mkay? It's a bad thing to do drugs, soduh so don't be bad. By doing drugs, unkay? That'd be bad. Uh drugs are bad. Unkay?
 * [end of Ike's Wee Wee]/>
 * Cartman:
 * Okay?
 * Mr. Mackey:
 * Hmkay. [the camera slowly pulls away] Now, as I was sayin, uh- drugs are bad. You shouldn't do drugs. Eh, uh if you do them, you're bad. Because drugs are bad. Mkay? It's a bad thing to do drugs, soduh so don't be bad. By doing drugs, unkay? That'd be bad. Uh drugs are bad. Unkay?
 * [end of Ike's Wee Wee]/>
 * [end of Ike's Wee Wee]/>
 * [end of Ike's Wee Wee]/>
 * [end of Ike's Wee Wee]/>