Sexual Healing

"Sexual Healing" is the fourteenth season opener and episode 196 overall of Comedy Central's series South Park. It originally aired on Comedy Central on March 17, 2010.

Synopsis
Tiger Woods claims he has a sexual addiction and every male in South Park thinks they're sex addicts too. They blame it on a "Wizard Alien". Kyle and Butters are accused of being sex addicts and have to kill the wizard alien. Meanwhile Stan and Cartman are crazed over the new golf game where Tiger Woods and his wife fight one another upon the discovery of his sexual history.

Plot
Cartman and Kenny start things off by playing the latest Tiger Woods golf-game, which in truth is more of a domestic abuse fighting game in Tiger Woods and wife beat each other following Tiger's constant sexual affairs. Meanwhile, a group of American scientists begin to question why so many men (particularly those who are rich and famous) are having so many sexual affairs. Rather than admit that men are to blame for their own actions, they begin to and justify a man's desire for sex by claiming that it's due to a disease called "Sex addiction". In order to prove their case, they run a series of test among children, from 4th grade through high school. After one of their tests, Kyle, Kenny and Butters are accused of being sex addicts, during which the doctor administering the test informs them that their addiction will eventually result in them killing themselves due to auto-erotic asphyxiation (a concept that Kenny finds exciting and later does).

At the funeral for Kenny, Kyle and Butter begin to grow more and more disturbed by their "condition", which Butter becoming obsessed by a woman's pubic hair and Kyle trying to fight the possible future addiction. Cartman and Stan however seem oblivious more or less to their friend's problems, instead fixating on the Tiger Woods fight/golf game.

In order to fight their 'problem' Kyle and Butters check into the Karne Institute for Sex Addiction. With them in the center are Michael Douglas, Michael Jordan, Ben Roethlisberger, David Duchovny, Charlie Sheen, David Letterman, Bill Clinton, Billy Bob Thornton, Kobe Bryant, Elliot Spitzer, and of course, Tiger Woods. However, rather than admitting to their own faults and poor judgement, the center instead places the blame on the fact that they got CAUGHT cheating, and does not bother to teach them to control their impulses. When Kyle calls the counselor on this, the counselor instead calls the scientists behind the study and saying "we've got a turd in the punch-bowl".

The scientists meanwhile run a series of test involving monkeys, who get cash and begin to demonstrate the same behavior as those like Tiger Woods, including having cheating on his mate with assorted other females, being beaten by his mate, and them making a press-conference apology. The scientists take their findings to President Barack Obama, who claims that the source of the addiction could only have come from one source: The alien that crashed at Roswell New Mexico released a sex addiction virus. Claiming that the alien is housed at Independence Hall. He starts a team to go find the supposed alien and kill it. The members of the sex addiction rehab clinic are meanwhile helicoptered out to Independence Hall to be 'cured'.

At Independence Hall, the President leads his strike force and where they claim the alien must be invisible, making him a wizard alien. As this claim is made, one of the soldiers finally breaks and laughing slightly asks all the other men to just admit that the whole idea of sex addiction and the alien story is just an elaborate excuse/conspiracy to justify their own actions. Upon this, he is captured by his fellow soldiers and dressed up in a poorly made wizard alien costume. Meanwhile, Kyle and Butters who are selected to help the task force to kill the wizard alien. Giving them guns and releasing the soldier in the costume, the President, scientist and soldiers use a strobe light to convince Kyle and Butters to shoot the soldier several times until they finally kill him. Meanwhile all the members of the sex addiction center begin dancing around outside claiming to have been 'cured' with the death of the "alien".

Kyle and Butters are given medals and when asked how they feel Kyle says he is fine and Butters doesn't want to see Bush again after at last paying a woman to let him see it in real life. Then they go on to say that when celebrities have sex with multiple girls, it's not because guys are like that, it's because some wizard alien has cast his horrible spell. Woods gives a speech saying that it's good that the sex addiction is gone and that he can be faithful to his wife. He also states that his wife won't have to get revenge by sleeping with a bunch of guys (at which point his wife looks at him and says nothing, implying that she will sleep with other guys) and that he will return to golf.

The end of the episode shows Cartman and Stan playing a new golf game and it has Woods back and it's just normal golf. Cartman gets mad stating "Where's all the fighting?". Both he and Stan drop the game controllers and leave saying golf is boring again.

Kenny's Death
Kenny kills himself through auto-erotic asphyxiation, which involves hanging himself from his closet door handle with his belt, while wearing a Batman costume. This idea comes to him after being diagnosed as a sex addict, and the doctor who implies that this is how he is fated to die. Kenny however finds the idea of having an 'awesome orgasm' too tempting. At his funeral he is buried in the Batman costume.

Trivia

 * The counselor of the sex addiction clinic calls Butters, Bummers by mistake.
 * It says the right time date when Tiger Woods is supposed to in return 3 weeks.
 * Every time the men attempt claim that normal men don't obsess over sex, or claiming a bizarre reason for why men behave that way, they look shifty-eyed at any woman near them, as if to gauge whether their story is being bought.
 * The events of the video game including Tiger's crash on Thanksgiving Day and the Press Conference were all events that happened in real life, only without him and his wife fighting.
 * Michael Douglas, Michael Jordan, Ben Roethlisberger, David Duchovny, Charlie Sheen, David Letterman, Bill Clinton, Billy Bob Thornton, Kobe Bryant, Elliot Spitzer, and Tiger Woods were all men who were caught in publicized sexual scandals.
 * Promotional trailers for the episode showed Cartman standing behind Tiger Woods during his press conference. This does not appear in the episode.
 * Auto-erotic asphyxiation is somewhat reminiscent of the "choking game", which has been a big concern lately and which was mentioned by Mr. Mackey before.
 * Elin Nordegren technically never speaks, as all of her speaking roles were during a video game.
 * During the scientists' meeting, a possible reason to why everyone is being a sex addict is that their water supply is infected. This is a reference to the 2010 movie The Crazies.
 * One soldier in Obama's strike force says, "I have a bad feeling about this," which is a reference to the Star Wars movies, where several characters including Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Luke Skywalker say that line, whenever something feels weird.
 * Tiger Woods is supposed to return in the 2010 Masters.

Continuity
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 * Kenny already learned about the high one gets from choking one's self from Mr. Mackey, during Major Boobage. This however is the first time he associates sex with it.
 * The photo used at Kenny's funeral is the same one used at his other funeral during The Ring.
 * This is President Barack Obama's second major appearance in a South Park Episode, the first being [[About Last Night...|About Last Night....
 * Michelle Obama is also seen, with her "husband."
 * This is the second time that monkeys are used as test subjects, the first time being in Pee.