Red Hot Catholic Love

"Red Hot Catholic Love" is episode 608 of the Comedy Central series South Park. It originally aired on July 3, 2002. It was selected #2 of the "10 South Parks that Changed the World", and was also part of "South Park's Dirty Dozen." In the DVD commentary for this episode, Stone and Parker refer to their irritation towards arguments from more socially liberal/atheistic/secular minded types of people, as well as from socially religious conservatives, who are the usual targets for their gags.

Plot
The parents of South Park are a bit concerned when Father Maxi informs them about the Young Men's Catholic Retreat and agree that they don't want their kids to go. They also decide to have a counselor talk to the boys to find out if the priest had been molesting them. Exhibiting no discretion or sensitivity regarding the topic, the counselor asks them straight out, "Did Father Maxi, at any time, ever try to put something in your butt?" Having never been abused by Father Maxi, the boys are suitably baffled by what she was talking about, and begin to wonder why she would ask them such a thing. Cartman has a "brilliant" idea, reasoning what she meant was that it could be possible that eating food through the rectum can cause defecation through the mouth. The other boys (especially Kyle) think it is stupid and disgusting, and Cartman bets him $20 it will work. Meanwhile, all the parents decide to become atheists, as a means of protest to their children being allegedly molested.

Meanwhile, Maxi has gathered a meeting of Catholic priests to discuss the problem of child molestation. Maxi is appalled by such behavior and wants it to cease entirely, but the other priests want to continue molesting the boys, but stop the boys from telling. Maxi decides he has to go to the Vatican. Once there, he quickly finds the same: priests from all over the world are molesting children. They claim the "Holy Document of Vatican Law" does not prohibit the behavior, so Maxi wants to change the law. The Cardinal tells him that the Document cannot be changed as no one knows where it is. Maxi decides to try and find it.

Cartman ultimately does defecate out his mouth, winning the bet and continually boasts the fact to Kyle, who becomes increasingly more angered by it. News of this spreads, and it is concluded nationwide that the method of eating is much healthier (with the surgeon general basing that on "absolutely nothing"). The adults of South Park immediately adopt the new method of eating, and even start passing trash cans around at social situations to openly collect the waste, completely disregarding the previously long-held custom that defecation should occur in private. Meanwhile, Kyle has lost his patience with Cartman's incessant boasting and tells Cartman that he accepts the fact that he beat him fairly. This angers Cartman, as he wanted to hold the victorious bet over Kyle's head indefinitely.

Maxi searches through the lower levels of the Vatican, and goes through a gauntlet in order to reach the Holy Document. He gets to it and takes it back. Pope says they must first consult the highest power. He summons the "Queen Spider," which declares that the Holy Document of Vatican Law cannot be changed. Maxi finally snaps and tears the Document in two. The building begins to crumble. Maxi stands in front of the ruins, and tells everyone that Catholicism is not about the Holy Document of Vatican Law, molestation, or Queen Spiders, but about being a good person. He says by clouding the moral lessons of the Bible with needless ceremony, the Vatican has caused people to reject religion and argues that "when they have no mythology to live their lives by, they just start spewing a bunch of crap out of their mouths." The parents, watching this on TV, realize their mistake and decide to stop shoving food up their butts and start going to church again.

References to pop culture

 * "The Catholic Boat" is a parody of The Love Boat.
 * The great queen spider worshiped as God is possibly a reference to the 1970s Doctor Who serial "Planet of the Spiders."
 * The old monk in the St. Peter's catacombs, and especially the line "What do you seek, Father?" is a reference to the Monty Python movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
 * When Father Maxi is running through the path to get the Catholic rules document, the visuals are a direct parody of the game Pitfall!

Quotes

 * Chef: Hello there, children.
 * Stan: Chef, what would a priest want to stick up my butt?
 * Chef: ...Goodbye.




 * Bishop: Oh, Great Queen Spider, we wish to change one of the vatican laws.
 * Queen Spider: No, the Vatican laws cannot be changed, so sayeth the spider.




 * Kyle: Cartman, that's the dumbest thing you've ever said... this week.




 * Priest: Father, uh, having sex with boys is part of the Catholic priest's way of life.




 * Father Maxi: Well maybe we could change the law to say that its okay for a Priest to have sex... with women.
 * Congregation of Cardinals: AHHH RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!
 * Gilgamek Cardinal: The Gilgamek vagina is three feet wide and filled with razor sharp teeth. Do you really expect us to have sex with them!?
 * Father Maxi: ...Right, maybe we should forget about the Gelgamek's for right now
 * Gilgamek Cardinal: FORGET ABOUT THE GELGAMEK'S!?!?
 * Gilgamek Cardinals: AHHH RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!!