Bloody Mary

"Bloody Mary" is the fourteenth episode of Season Nine, and the 139th overall episode of South Park. It aired on December 7, 2005.

Synopsis
Stan is embarrassed when his dad gets pulled over for drunk driving. Randy believes that only one thing can save him from his "disease," a bleeding statue of the Virgin Mary in the next town.

Plot
Kyle, Cartman, Stan and Ike attend karate class while Stan's dad goes for a couple of drinks. After class, an inebriated Randy drives the boys home, but he gets pulled over and arrested for drunk driving. Randy gets his license revoked and is ordered to perform community service and to attend Alcoholics Anonymous, where he is taught that he is powerless to control his drinking and that alcoholism is a disease. It also calls for him to surrender himself to a "Higher Power" in order to get better. Randy, whom Stan describes as a "hypochondriac", then ironically begins to drink more, since he has decided that he is in fact powerless to control it and cannot stop. Around this time, a statue of the Virgin Mary begins to bleed out and people begin to flock around it to find a cure for their diseases. Randy believes it can heal him of his disease. Randy has Stan drive him to the church where the statue is, and—after cutting in line, arguing that his "disease" is worse than that of others—he is drenched in the holy blood. He jumps up and declares that he will not drink anymore, and abstains from alcohol for five days.The new Pope Benedict XVI comes to investigate, and discovers that the blood is not actually coming from the statue's anus, but its vagina. Since "chicks bleed out their vaginas all the time," this is no miracle, and Randy, realizing this, suddenly realizes God did not heal him. He at first declares himself powerless again, and all the other recovering alcoholics follow suit and rush to the bar. Stan then makes him realize that if God did not help him, he must have done it himself. Randy then declares that he will never drink again, but Stan objects to this too, saying that if Randy completely avoids drinking, drinking is still controlling his life, and that true discipline is figuring out how to live in moderation. The two then walk home, with the two discussing how much drinking would be proper. Note: an alien visitor appears in the window of Randy's car at approx. 13:55 when he is trying to convince Stan he has to drive to the statue.