User:Technical58CZ/Sandbox

For scripts

+== IN DEVELOPMENT - NOT PUBLISHED - MIKE PENCE==

Cast

 * Stan Marsh
 * Kyle Broflovski
 * Eric Cartman
 * Kenny McCormick
 * Craig Tucker
 * Butters Stotch
 * Randy Marsh
 * Sharon Marsh
 * Shelly Marsh
 * Stephen Stotch
 * Linda Stotch
 * Mr. Garrison
 * Officer Barbrady
 * Michael Chertoff (Guinea Pirate)
 * Top Officials and other DHS Officials
 * Cpt. Gabriel and Cpt. Taylor
 * Soldiers
 * New Director
 * An Anchorman
 * Reporter
 * Townsfolk

Script
!Top Official: !Michael Chertoff: !Official 3: !Top Official: !Michael Chertoff: !Official 1: !Michael Chertoff: !Soldier: !Michael Chertoff: !Official 1: !Michael Chertoff: ! !Randy: !Sharon: !Soldier 5: !Mr. Garrison: !Randy: !Mr. Garrison: !Soldier 5: !Sharon: !Stephen: !Mr. Garrison: !Randy: !A Woman: !Townsman 3: !Townsman 4: !Townsman 5: !Townsman 6: !Townswoman 1: !Randy: !Stephen: !Townsman 7: !Randy: !Townswoman 2: !Sharon: !Shelly: !Randy: !Sharon: !Randy: ! !Stan: !Kyle: !Cartman: !Stan: !Cartman: !Stan: !Craig: !Stan: !Craig: !Stan: !Craig: !Stan: !Craig: !Stan: !Craig: !Kyle: !Craig: !Stan: !Cartman: !Craig: !Stan: !Craig: !Cartman: !Craig: ! !Randy: !Shelly: !Randy: ! !Randy: !Husband: !Shelly: !Randy: !Sharon: !Randy: !Sharon: !Randy: ! !Michael Chertoff: !Soldier 6: !Michael Chertoff: !Cartman: !Soldier 6: !Michael Chertoff: !Soldier 7: !Michael Chertoff: !Stan: !Michael Chertoff: !Kyle: !Top Official: !Michael Chertoff: !Craig: !Michael Chertoff: !Top Official: !Michael Chertoff: !Top Official: !Stan: !Craig: !Michael Chertoff: !Craig: !Michael Chertoff: ! !Craig: !Randy: !Craig: ! !Cartman: !Kyle: !Kenny: ! !Top Official 2: !New Director: !Top Official 2: !New Director: !Top Official 2: !
 * bgcolor="#"|[U.S. Department of Homeland Security, strategic room. Chertoff sits behind the table with his staff and some soldiers looking on]
 * There is now word of huge beehives forming in cities across the U.S. and Canada. Europe and China are reporting deaths by guinea pigs in the tens of thousands.
 * And how are the efforts to contain all this going?
 * [steps forward] It's bad, sir. It seems we have no way of stopping it; we've lost complete control. [Chertoff laughs maniacally]
 * Uh, sir?
 * Ah I'm sorry, I just thought of a funny joke.
 * Oh, a-hah.
 * All right, get the jets ready. I need to get to Machu Picchu.
 * Uh, Machu Picchu, sir?
 * Yes, I need to be taken to Machu Picchu! Have you lost your hearing?!
 * But S-sir, what could possibly be at Machu Picchu to help the-
 * Am I in charge or not?! [silences them all]
 * bgcolor="#"|[Inside a supermarket in South Park. Randy prepares his camera again]
 * We're in the [pants] grocery store now. Some of the survivors here uh.
 * Can we get out through the highway?
 * The highway is unreachable; there's guinea rats all over it.
 * Guinea rats?
 * [almost hyperventilating] I'm so startled.
 * What do you mean "guinea rats"?
 * Look, there are guinea pigs, but there's also guinea bees, guinea rats. I've even seen some guinea spiders out there.
 * Randy, will you stop doing that?! [Randy continues to film her, then jumps to the next speaker, then the next one...]
 * Look, I I need we need to find a way out under the city.
 * In the sewers? Can't be safe down there.
 * [walks away with the camera, rather scared] Oh God, what are we gonna dooo?
 * Oh my God!
 * Something's inside the store!
 * Guinea rabbits! They're inside! [facing him is a guinea pig in a blue rabbit outfit]
 * God they're everywhere!
 * Help me! [Randy finds out who's screaming for help] Help... me... [it's a man who's practically been bitten in half]
 * Travis! No!
 * You can't help him!
 * There's something over there!
 * It's a guinea bear!
 * No, it's a guinea mouse, stupid! [he lowers the camera as he runs, then raises it again to focus on a woman]
 * Kill me!
 * Randy, the storeroom, we've gotta get to the storeroom! [he follows the survivors into the storeroom, and the door closes behind them a few seconds later. There is no light in the room]
 * Mom, I can't see.
 * It's okay, Shelly. Daddy's gonna turn on night vision. [night vision mode is on] There. There. Okay. Gaaah! [the others gasp]
 * What what what what?
 * Nothing, sorry. I just startled myself. Gaaah! [camera out]
 * bgcolor="#"|[Stan is still guiding the others through the Incan temple, and the sound of running water is soon heard]
 * Let's head over this way, guys.
 * Hear that? It sounds like water.
 * Yeah, it's coming from up there.
 * Wow. [they find themselves in a massive complex full of statues whose mouths or noses serve as waterfall fountains. Several suspension bridges connect the mouth of the statue they're in to the other statues]
 * Dude, that's awesome.
 * All right, let's go. [Craig doesn't move]
 * No.
 * Wait, whattaya mean no?
 * I'm not following you guys any more.
 * Dude, we we have to go check this out.
 * Why?
 * 'Cause just, that, that's just the way it is.
 * Every time bad things happen, you guys end up putting yourselves deeper into the middle of it, because "that's just the way it is."
 * Hey, we aren't the ones on an ancient temple prophecy wall, buttwipe!
 * I don't care. I've decided that I'm done. I am choosing not to be a part of this anymore.
 * How do you do that?
 * It's easy. Watch. [turns around and walks back out the way they came in. He makes his way back to the temple's entrance, and the boys follow him]
 * Craig, dude, wait up.
 * [Craig leads the boys across the Nazca Plateau] Dude, Craig, we should go back now.
 * No.
 * [Craig leads them across an open field] Hey look, there's something here.
 * ...Nope.
 * [the boys walk through a thunderstorm] Dude, this is boring. This is just a bunch of walking around.
 * Yup, nice and boring. Just the way I like it.
 * bgcolor="#"|[South Park. Randy turns his camera on again]
 * It's been three days now since the guinea pigs and the guinea bees attacked. Guinea rabbits are still everywhere, along with a few guinea panthers. We've taken shelter at the Outback Steakhouse. There's Sharon and Shelly. Say "hey" guys.
 * What is that? What is that? [Sharon holds her close]
 * I'm gon-, I'm gonna take a look outside! [gets up with his camera and heads outside]
 * bgcolor="#"|[Outside Outback Steakhouse. Randy runs into a fleeing couple]
 * What is it?
 * It's a Guineasaurus Rex! [Randy turns around and sees the G. Rex next to P.F. Chang. It's much bigger than other guinea creatures: about 30 feet high at the shoulder. Everyone near it scatters. Randy zooms in on the car it seems to be eating from and sees a dead couple there. The woman's body is halfway out the car through the windshield. The man's body is halfway out through the passenger door. The alarm has gone off.]
 * Oh my Gohhhd!
 * Oh no, I'm way too startled!
 * [points up to the sky] Look! [three jet fighters swoop in from somewhere and fire missiles at the G. Rex, but it remains unscathed]
 * Jesus, they can't kill it! [turns his camera to Shelly] What do you think about the Guineasaurus Rex, Shelly? [she's scared, but moves closer to the street to get a better look. This puts her in the same frame as the G. Rex] Oh that's good. There, there's Shelly with the Guineasaurus Rex in the background. Give, give a little peace sign, Shelly. [Shelly turns around frozen in fear] Oh I know, hold out your palm so it looks like you're holding the Guineasaurus Rex. Shelly?
 * Randy?! I have had it! You are putting down that God damned camera!
 * Sharon, you're gonna be really glad we have all this footage of the family someday. [she rears back and smacks the camera out of his hand]
 * bgcolor="#"|[Machu Picchu, night. Chertoff arrives with his staff at the site in a military helicopter]
 * Wait here a minute. [nearby a huge golden Incan idol holds a stick and a pan flute. Chertoff approaches it and opens his arms] Behold! I am standing on your precious land! I've waited a long time for this! [unzips his pants and urinates on the statue, mocking it with laughter]
 * What's he doing?
 * What of your prophecy now?! Nothing can stop me! [there's some sound to his left and he turns to see what it is. It's Craig climbing over a wall and dusting himself off. Chertoff approaches him in anger] Craiiig! [the other four boys appear behind Craig] No! How did you get here?!
 * Hey, it's that asshole who sent us to the jungle with nobody to pick us up!
 * Sir, ih-is everything all right?
 * Shoot them!
 * Shoot them?
 * They're a Peruvian band that escaped. We must keep them contained.
 * No no, listen to me. The Peruvian flute bands were keeping the guinea creatures away. Whatever is happening to the world is happening because you guys got rid of all the flute bands.
 * I said shoot them!
 * Go look! It's all an ancient Incan prophecy.
 * Maybe we should look at it, sir.
 * Damn you Craiiig! You just don't ever stop, do you?!
 * I didn't say anything.
 * [begins his speech] You see, for thousands of years horrid creatures have lived in the Guinea Valley of Peru. The Incas learned how to keep the creatures at bay: by playing pan flute music. Guinea creatures hate it even more than humans do. But the prophecy foretold that one day the creatures would be unleashed and I have made that happen! The Incas predicted the world would be saved... by Craig. But that part of the prophecy will not come true! For you will all die on this mountain! [one of the soldiers fires his rifle and the bullets pierce through Chertoff's chest, leaving a large hole. Chertoff looks at the hole and cackles]
 * You're, you're some kind of monster.
 * [ominously] Oh, I'm much more than that. Guinea bees, guinea rabbits, guineasaurus rexes, I am something much more evil! [he begins to transform. His mouth becomes a round orifice with a few teeth inside, then into a horrible beast with many teeth in his mouth and a pirate costume on his body, and finally, a giant guinea pirate] Arrrgh.
 * Guinea pirate! [dives into the bushes]
 * Jesus Christ!
 * Sir, I promise you, I'm not going to ruin your plans. I'll just walk away. See? [walks onto a square with a pattern on it. The circle in the center of the pattern lights up and begins to rotate up and out. Two stone slabs jut out from the pillar. The golden idol's eyes light up. A beam of light goes from the idol's staff to one of the slabs, and two beams of lightning come out of Craig's eyes and strike the guinea pirate]
 * Dargh, no!
 * Okay, now there's sparks shooting out of my eyes.
 * Argh, curse ye, Craig. Dar, argh. [the guinea pirate falls on its back and the beams turn off. The slabs go back into the pillar and the pillar rotates back into the ground. The four boys approach Craig, stunned at what just happened. Craig lets out a big sigh of relief]
 * bgcolor="#"|[A picture of Craig is shown, and Gery Numan's "Cars" is playing in pan flute format]
 * My name is Craig Tucker. Last week I stopped a guinea pirate from taking over the earth. All the Peruvian flute bands were released, [a shot of that is shown; happy pan flute musicians] and drove the guinea creatures back to the Andes mountains. [shots from all over are shown, specifically South Park and New York City: pan flute bands are driving the guinea creatures away] Many people had died, but mankind had prevailed. [shots of the cleanup are shown. The Marshes are among the rescued] All over the world, survivors were found, living witnesses to the horror that had been seen.
 * [trying to show a video clip to two firemen] Here here, look, look! [there's no picture] What the? [opens the camera to check it out] Oh- ohhh I didn't have a tape in it. [someone else took a picture of that, though]
 * The guinea pirate lived, but was taken to prison to live out the rest of his days. [the guinea pirate is taken to the Washington D.C. State Penitentiary strapped down to a flatbed truck. Next, a shot of Paris is shown: a Peruvian flute band plays at the Champs Elysées] And people all over the world learned to support their local Peruvian flute bands, and buy their CDs. For they protect us from the guinea creatures. As for me, I was returned home by Homeland Security. [Top Official 1 and Official 3 drop him off and smile at the joyful parents] My parents were sooo happy. [a shot of Craig looking at himself in the mirror, reflecting on the events surrounding his trip to Peru] I realized that we don't always have control over what happens to us. [a shot of Craig in bed, just after bedtime] We are but players on the stage of life. And I also learned to never listen when people come asking you for money. [a shot of the boys dressed as Mariachis standing at Craig's front porch talking to him; he slams the door in their faces.]
 * bgcolor="#"|[Craig's front yard. The boys walk away all pissed off]
 * That guy's an asshole!
 * Yeah, what a dick!
 * (I fuckin' hate Craig!)
 * bgcolor="#"|[Department of Homeland Security, days later. A new director has taken over and is seated behind a solid wooden desk]
 * [enters the office without warning] Sir! Sir, we have a problem!
 * What now?!
 * The former director of Homeland Security, that turned out to be a guinea pig? It attacked the guards, got out of its holding cell.
 * My God, are you telling me..?
 * Yes sir. It broke out of prison. [heavy footfalls are felt throughout Washington D.C. Car alarms go off, people scream, and a large guinea pig in striped prison uniform appears. The camera shuts off.]
 * bgcolor="#"|[End of Pandemic 2: The Startling.]
 * }