Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus

'''Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus' is the 16th episode of the third season of South Park''.

Synopsis
Stan, Kyle and Kenny become jealous when Cartman finally gets his "period" and Jesus is under pressure as the millenium approaches to do something special...

Plot
While Stan, Kyle and Kenny discuss their plans for New Year's Eve that leads into the new millenium, Cartman rushes up to explaining he's finally gotten his period since he had bled out of his ass. Not believing him, the boys ask a female about it, as she explains they mistake Cartman's explanation to be true.

Outside Jesus' house, the media and residents of the town have arrived and are talking about how Jesus will do something for the millenium. Surprised by this, it dawns on Jesus that he has been given the chance of a comeback. He steps outside and is told by the people that they want to see God. Jesus goes inside and visits Heaven where he asks God if he will appear for the millenium, to which he answers no. Taken aback, Jesus comes up with another plan; he will hold a comeback concert for Rod Stewart that will take place in Las Vegas; and everyone's invited.

At his home, Kenny is in the bathroom when he discovers that he too has bled out of his ass. He too believes he has had his period. A news report however reveals that a colon infection has spread across town, the boys do not see it and remain oblivious.

After discovering that Kenny has had his period, Kyle decides to lie that he too has had his upon consulting Ike on the problem. After Kyle's false revelation, Stan his disheartened when the others form a group for "mature people only", in other words, those who have bled out of their ass.

Stan then goes to Chef for advice, and tells him that "he knows someone who hasn't had theirs while everyone else has", Chef believes it to be obviouslly an important female person in his life. Upon hearing he will just have to wait, Stan gets angry and says how bad he wants his period, to Chef's surprise.

Stan next goes to Dr. Mephisto and explains his father never went through puberty, Mephisto gives him tablets to give to his father. Stan takes the whole bottle and hopes for a period.

Obviouslly, it does not work yet Stan has developed breasts and his voice has broken. Cartman will still not let him in the group though.

Jesus has managed to get Rod Stewart to agree to play, despite him being in nursing home and having little bowel control.

At the event, Rod Stewart "poops his pants" and cannot play. The audience go mad and prepare to crucify Jesus once more, who goes to sulk along with Stan. Stan explains his problem, to which Jesus replies that God can't deal with everybody's problems or there'd be no point to living, upon saying this, Jesus realises he shouldn't have relied on God to make himself popular once more, but will have to do it himself.

Suddenly, a beam of light appears on stage and God appears to everyone who are surprised at his appearence. Mr. Garrison asks about God, who replies with "what did you expect to look like?", Garrison replies "well not like that!". God explains he will answer one question as it is a new millenium. Stan seizes the oppurtunity to ask why he hasn't gotten his period, to which God answers that Cartman and Kenny have the colon infection and Kyle is simply lying. God then explains he has answered his question and will appear at the next millenium. Jesus is happy once more but the crowd are not, they then advance on Stan for using up the one question. He then tries to calm everyone down by him singing (poorly due to his broken voice) as he is attacked.

Trivia

 * As a way of siving time and money, frames from Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics are used, for instance the scan of the colon infection is the x-ray scan from the Mr. Hankey intro song. Also Jesus has a picture of himself and Santa performing their duet.
 * This is the first appearence of God.
 * Despite seeing God in this episode, Garrison turns athiest in the two-parter Go God Go/Go God Go XII.