Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride is episode 104 of Comedy Central's series South Park. It originally aired on September 3, 1997.

Synopsis
Stan's new dog, Sparky, may be gay. He seeks advice, but finds none in the usual places.

Meanwhile, the South Park Elementary football team, The Cows, has their biggest rivals, the Middle Park Cowboys, coming up on the schedule and Jimbo and Ned decide to bet on it.

Plot
While waiting for the school bus, Stan's dog, Sparky, shows up. Stan claims his is the toughest dog in South Park, but Cartman thinks Sylvester is the toughest. Sparky and Sylvester circle each other and prepare to fight, when Sparky jumps on top of Sylvester. Apparently, Sparky is a "gay homosexual", as Cartman puts it. Sylvester runs away yelping.

At football practice, Stan's Uncle Jimbo and his buddy Ned show up (representing the South Park alumni) asking (Coach) Chef if the boys can beat the spread of 70 points. Impressed by a catch, Jimbo and Ned run off to the bookie where Jimbo puts $500 on the South Park Cows, to cover. Unsure of wanting to rely on Stan, Jimbo and Ned seek a backup plan and learn that John Stamos' brother Richard will be singing Lovin' You at halftime.

After practice, Sparky shows up and mounts another dog, Rex, who also runs away yelping with his tail between his legs. The next day, after class, Stan asks Mr. Garrison to tell him what a homosexual is. Mr. Garrison's response is that "Gay people are evil. Evil right down to their cold, black hearts, which pump not blood, like yours and mine, but rather a thick, black vomitous oil." Stan sets on a quest to make his dog more masculine, hoping to prevent him from being gay, not realising that Mr. Garrison was actually trying hide his own sexuality rather than giving an accurate description of gay people. His first attempt, presenting Sparky with Fifi, a female poodle, fails miserably when Sparky steals Fifi's pearl collar. Thinking that homosexuality might not be bad, Stan calls up Jesus on His show Jesus and Pals to ask Him what He thinks of homosexuality. but before He can answer, the show suddenly ends and moves onto the next show. Frustrated, he rants about wanting a butch dog, a Rin Tin Tin. Sparky overhears this and runs away, ending up at Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.

As they talk to Carl, a bomb and explosive expert, Jimbo and Ned's plan is revealed: to blow up the opposing team using a sonic triggering device as Richard Stamos hits the high F note in the song. They attach the bomb to Middle Park's mascot. At halftime, Richard Stamos fails to hit the note, upsetting Jimbo and Ned, who shout that he isn't as talented as his brother.

Worried about his dog, Stan looks for him and finds him at the Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. Here, Stan learns from Big Gay Al that homosexuality has been around for a long time, and Stan eventually accepts his dog's homosexuality. Returning to the game in progress, Stan steps in as the quarterback, passing the ball to Kyle for a touchdown that beats the spread as time runs out. In his interview after the game, Stan tries to tell the people of South Park about the Big Gay Animal Sanctuary and that "it's okay to be gay."

He attempts to lead the people to the site of the Big Gay Animal Sanctuary, but it is mysteriously missing; people's runaway pets, however, return. As everyone dissipates Big Gay Al appears to Stan, thanking him for bringing everyone, before he disappears as well.

Although the Cows beat the spread, Richard Stamos shows up to prove he can hit the high note that he missed earlier, which triggers the bomb and blows up the Cowboys' mascot.

Kenny's Death

 * Arms pulled off and head knocked of during a tackle by three Middle Park players. Rats chewed on his corpse, following an early running gag.

Trivia

 * This episode was nominated for an Emmy Award. One year before, The Simpsons won an Emmy for the episode Homer's Phobia, which also dealt with homosexuality.
 * The Sports Book betting shop is about the size of an outhouse from the outside, but gigantic when they go inside.
 * When this episode first aired on Comedy Central, one of the sports announcer's lines that gets him in trouble was, "And the South Park Cows are absolutely getting molested by the Cowboys. I haven't seen this many children molested since Michael Jackson came to town". On all re-runs, video, and DVD versions of this episode, the line is cut to remove "Michael Jackson" (so, it goes, "I haven't seen this many kids molested since...") and goes straight to the part where Jimbo is in the stands.
 * Jersey numbers: 00 Pip, 4 Stan, 12 Kyle, 13 Kenny, 29 Clyde, 59 Kevin C., 68 Cartman. "13" is often considered unlucky, while "00" emphasises just how bad Pip is.
 * This was the only South Park episode that displayed the Comedy Central "card scan" closing logo when it first debuted, as all the other episodes used the "transmitter" closing logo (all new distributions of this an all other episodes have plastered the newest closing logo over the earlier ones).

Mr. Garrison's Learning Plan

 * Asian culture.

Pop-Culture/Historical References

 * Instead of writing about Asian culture, Cartman writes an essay on how the characters on the TV series Simon & Simon aren't brothers in real life.
 * Fosse asks Stan if his dog Sparky has been in any Pride marches recently. Pride marches are common practice of Gay pride movements all over the world.
 * Bill suggests that Stan take Sparky to a Barbara Streisand concert.
 * Singing at the football game half time show is Richard Stamos, the older brother of actor John Stamos. The song he is going to sing is Lovin' You which was originally sung by Minnie Ripperton. Also, in real life, John Stamos doesn't have an older brother named Richard.
 * Cartman believes God hates gay people and he believe it's why he "smote those sodomies in France." Cartman is confusing the story of Sodom and Gammorrah as told in the Bible.
 * The host of the South Park cable access show Jesus and Pals is apparently Jesus who according to the bible is the son of God.
 * Stan wishes his dog could be a "Rin-Tin-Tin." Rin-Tin-Tin was a heroic dog featured in a series of radio and television programs of the 1920s & 30s.
 * Chef's words of wisdom "you can't teach a gay dog straight tricks" is a play on the phrase "you can't teach an old dog new tricks."
 * The sports announcer, when watching a tackle states he hadn't seen a beating like that since Rodney King. In 1991, Rodney King was recorded being beaten by six LAPD police officers. The incident sparked tensions in LA that eventually led to the 1992 LA Riots. When Pip is tackled later, he states that he hasn't seen a Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant, this is in reference to Hugh Grant's arrest in June 1995, when he was caught performing a lewd act in public with a Hollywood prostitute.
 * While Stan is on Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride, a portion of it features a number of minature characters singing a song called We Are Gay, which is a parody of the ride It's a Small World which is an attraction at the Disneyland theme park and it's other sister parks in Florida, Paris, Japan and Hong Kong. Among the dancing minatures is Olympic figure skater Brian Boitano.
 * In the original cut of this episode, the sports announcer makes a statement about another tackle remarking that he'd never seen so many children molested since "the last time Michael Jackson came to town." This is in reference to alligations of child molestation against Michael Jackson in 1993-94. Jackson was never charged, and the case was settled outside of court.
 * The disappearance of Big Gay Al at the end of the episode is a spoof of Dr. Lao's disappearance at the end of the movie The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao.
 * The song played during the closing credits is "Now You're a Man" by DVDA, a band that includes South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker. This song was also featured in their film Orgasmo.

Goofs

 * When Kenny receives the punt, the announcer say that he is number 23. But the number on his jersey is 13.
 * The first two shots show the school with a football field but in the third shot of the school it is not there but in the fourth shot of the school it's there again also with the field the school seems longer. According to the game the field is on the side so.
 * When you see token sitting on the bleachers his face appears to be like a white character but his hands are still black.

Quotes
Stan: Now, don't be gay! Don't be gay, Sparky! Don't be gay!

Mr. Garrison: Gay people, well, gay people are EVIL, evil right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand? Jesus: A lot of people have asked for my position on homosexuality, and I would like to set the record straight, once and for all.

Voice-over: We interrupt Jesus and Pals for this commercial break!

Commentator: Wow! I haven't seen a Jew run like that since Poland 1938. [Referring to Kyle playing football]

Commentator: Wow! I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant! [Referring to Pip getting tackled]

Commentator: Wow! I haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King! Commentator: They are being absolutely molested by middle park I haven't seen that many children molested since-

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Jimbo: All we need is one little score. Please Jesus? Please?

Jesus (a little in front in the stands): Leave me alone.