Whale Whores

"Whale Whores" is the eleventh episode of Season Thirteen, and the 192nd overall episode of South Park. It aired on October 28, 2009.

Synopsis
The Japanese are on a crazed hunt to kill all the dolphins and whales in the world. Stan and his family are spending his birthday at the Denver Aquarium where they will get to swim with the dolphins. Things turn bloody when the Japanese attack, kill all the dolphins and ruin Stan’s big day. There seems to be no end to the senseless killing. Stan takes on the cause to save the dolphins from the Japanese.

Plot
The Marsh family are spending Stan's birthday at the Denver Aquarium. Stan and other guests are looking at the dolphins. The guide, Chad, introduces the dolphins: Trigger, Dolly, and Bubbles. Chad then asks if anyone wants a kiss from the dolphins. Randy idiotically and immaturely rushes up eagerly to get a kiss from the dolphins. Chad gets ready to instruct Randy. Suddenly, a mob of angry Japanese people appear from out of nowhere and kill all the dolphins with spears. Before the Japanese leave they scream "FUCKA YOU, DOLPHIN!" The scene is very bloody, as the Japanese mercilessly stab the dolphins until their brains and organs come out. Stan and the other visitors are shocked at the event and a little girl starts to cry.

At the Atlanta Zoo, a guide is teaching a crowd about Beluga whales when the Japanese attack and bloodily kill the whales too. In the Baltimore Aquarium, a dolphin show is commencing, when the Japanese attack and kill the dolphins. An Orca whale is seen, most likely at Seaworld, as the trainer tells a girl to spread her arms so the Orca can do something, when a Japanese man with a spear runs up, yells "Fucka you, Whale!" and mercilessly stabs the whale in its head. The girl and the trainer freak out. The Miami Dolphins and the Kansas City Chiefs are playing at Dolphin Stadium when, the Japanese attack and kill the Miami Dolphins. The Six Flags Discovery Kingdom Orcas and dolphins are killed too. A news report reports what the Japanese Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama had to say about it, which was him yelling "FUCKA YOU WHALE! AND FUCKA YOU DOLPHINS!", as he raises both of his middle fingers.

Randy comes up to Stan's room and tries to console him on what the Japanese did. Stan asks his father why they did that. Randy answers that the Japanese are not normal people and they don't like dolphins like them, the "normal" people. Randy tries to reassure him by reminding him that he has t-shirt that reads "I Swam With The Dolphins" despite the fact that it is dolphin blood-stained. He also has his picture of him frowning with a dead belly-up dolphin, the frame reading "My New Best Friend!".

Stan visits Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny playing Rock Band, and Cartman is singing Poker Face. when Stan confronts them over the Japanese killing the whales and dolphins. Kyle states that the Japanese have done it for a long time. Cartman and Kenny don't care and Kyle claims that he hates it but he can not do anything about it. Stan retorts back that people have always used that excuse and no wants to do anything about it. Cartman replies that he is not busy but he and Kenny don't give two shits about saving the whales and dolphins. Stan claims that when all the whales and dolphins are gone, they will wish that they did something. Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny look at each other, then resume playing Rock Band. Butters later visits Stan in his room and tells him about Whale Wars (Butters can't do anything because he has stuff to do). Stan is ecstatic and joins.

The Whale Wars crew are seen claiming that they are "badass". The Whale Wars ship drive up to a Japanese whaling ship and wonders what they will do. Paul Watson suggests them going on the whaling ship and beating themselves up and going back to the ship and claim that the Japanese did it. A crew member starts punching himself as the female member says "Oh, NO! Luke's been hurt saving whales!". Watson then suggests shooting him and claiming the Japanese did it to raise international crisis. Stan is pissed and claims that no one should lie. So the crew throws stinky butter on their ship as Stan suggests more violent matters. Stan is less than impressed by this, but the crew insist the Japanese are scared of how bad-ass they are. At that moment, Watson is shot in the head by a harpoon gun. As the Whale Wars crew panics, Stan calmly grabs a flare gun and sinks the ship.

Stan thus becomes the captain of Whale Wars. Entertainment Weekly has a front-page article of Whale Wars claiming that "Things Actually Happen NOW!" and "WHALE WARS GETS BETTER!". The crew of Sea Shepherd are then seen employing more violent methods of stopping the Japanese (Cartman sings "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga in the background). Daily Variety is then seen with the front page: WHALE WARS RATINGS SKYROCKET "New Captain Not a fat liar like the old one". An Orca is then seen again with the same little girl and trainer seen earlier doing the same trick, this time with Stan and the other Whale Wars crew standing guard. Peoplee Magazine is then seen with their front cover: "WHALE WARS New Cast Member- Turns vegan pussies into actual pirates (with a 19 page exclusive article). Stan and his crew are then seen standing in front of Seaworld with a covered up statue. The Japanese are seen charging toward Seaworld, only to have Stan order the crew to remove the covering to reveal a gigantic Godzilla statue, which makes the Japanese freak out and run. The Japanese prime minister then sees a newspaper with Stan sinking another whaling ship. The Prime Minister crumples up the newspaper in anger.

The Whale Wars crew is then seen on Larry King Live. Larry asks Stan what his motivation was, only to have Stan reply that he does not care for the TV show, only wanting to save the whales and dolphins. Larry continues to ask Stan why he made such an awesome show. Stan maintains that he just wants to show that you can stop the Japanese if you have some balls (the female crew member then says "I've got balls"). A man is then seen who declares that Stan's methods are unethical. Larry and the man argue over the show, Stan snaps and demands to talk about the whaling problem, only to have his demand rebuffed. Stan finally snaps for good and says he has to get back to work.

Back in the Sea Shepherd, a background speaker is talking about what will happen this week on Real' Whale Wars'. 'A crew member then tells Stan that new members want to join: Cartman and Kenny. Stan accuses them that they just want to be on a hit TV show reminding them that Cartman said "Me and Kenny don't give two shits about whales", but Cartman denies it claiming that he meant Wales, the country. Stan forces them to say they just want to be on TV, which Kenny does, to Cartman's displeasure. Cartman retorts that he deserves to be on TV. A crew member suddenly shouts that the Japanese are spotted, prompting Stan to order all hands on deck (Cartman goes in front of the camera declaring "Alright, let's go save those whales!"). The ship is racing towards the Japanese, only for another boat to ram the ship. They discover the boat isn't the Japanese; it's the crew of Deadliest Catch, who are angry that Whale Wars has more ratings. Stan attempts to steer away, but the crab fishing boat keeps blocking Stan's boat. Stan is stuck, while the Deadliest Catch show is getting more ratings. Once again, nothing is happening on Whale Wars. Cartman is then interviewed, creating a fake sob story too. Some (most likely) fin whales are then seen attacking the crab fishing boat. Several whales are then seen tugging the boat away. All seems good, until the Japanese start killing the whales with Kamikaze jets. A few kamikazes hit the Sea Shepherd, destroying it and the crew, except for Stan, Cartman and Kenny. Those three are then captured by the Japanese.

The three are then seen in a prison cell, Cartman playing a harmonica improvising a stupid song too. Stan tells Cartman to stop. Cartman retaliates saying that it's Stan's fault him and Kenny are in that mess. Cartman continues to play, only to be interrupted by Japanese prison guards. The Japanese official asks why Stan has been destroying their whaling boats. Stan snaps back stating that "98 percent of the world hates whaling!". The Japanese official then shows the three around Hiroshima, explaining what happened 50 years ago. That 50 years ago, the Japanese were minding their own business, when Enola Gay dropped the Atomic bomb Little Boy. The official shows what happened, Cartman scoffs at it, but cowardly defends himself: "Little gas, excuse me". The official finishes off his story, 140,000 people died, and they never forgave the things that drove Enola Gay that dropped the atom bomb showing in the pilot and co-pilot seat, a bottlenose dolphin, and an Orca, explaining that the Americans gave them that picture. The Japanese were so grateful, that they ended World War II the next day. So from then on, Japan has been killing all the whales and dolphins. Stan begins that whales and dolphins did not do that, but Cartman cuts him off, reminding Stan telling them the Americans did it is a bad idea, on account they're Americans. Stan then requests a phone, promising that he can make everything right.

Stan calls Kyle and tells him to so something for him. Stan then comes to the Japanese high council and states that the photo of the Enola Gay pilots were doctored, and presents them with the "real" photograph: a chicken and a cow flying the plane. The Japanese are outraged that chickens and cows would pin the blame on the dolphins and whales. The Japanese are then seen massacring chickens and cows. Randy congratulates Stan claiming now the Japanese are normal, like them killing cows and chickens.