What Would Brian Boitano Do?

What Would Brian Boitano Do? is a song in the South Park movie, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut.

The song references a line from The Spirit of Christmas, in which the boys wonder what Brian Boitano would do to stop Jesus and Santa Claus from fighting.

Lyrics
What would Brian Boitano do If he was here right now, He'd make a plan And he'd follow through, That's what Brian Boitano'd do.

When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics, Skating for the gold, He did two salchows and a triple lutz While wearing a blind fold.

When Brian Boitano was in the alps, Fighting grizzly bears, He used his magical fire breath, And saved the maidens fair.

So what would Brian Boitano do If he were here today, I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two, That's what Brian Boitano'd do.

I want this V-Chip out of me, It has stunted my vocabulary.

And I just want my mom To stop fighting everyone

For Wendy I'll be an activist too, 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano would do.

And what would Brian Boitano do, He'd call all the kids in town, And tell them to unite for true That's what Brian Boitano would do.

When Brian Boitano traveled through time To the year 3010, He fought the evil robot kings and saved the human race again

And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids, He beat up Kublai Khan. Cos Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from anybody

So lets call kids together, And unite to stop our mom's And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too, Cos that's what Brian Boitano do.

And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too, Cuz that's what Brian Boitano do, That's what Brian Boitano do.