The Wacky Molestation Adventure

"The Wacky Molestation Adventure" is episode 64 of the Comedy Central series South Park. It originally aired on December 13, 2000.

Plot
Cartman has four tickets for a Raging Pussies concert and the boys all want to go, but Kyle's parents forbid him from going. When he continues to complain, Kyle's mom sarcastically replies that if Kyle cleans out the garage, shovels the entire driveway and brings democracy to Cuba, then he can go to the concert. He then proceeds to write a letter to Fidel Castro who after reading the letter, runs out of his office crying and shouting and soon after declares Cuba democratic. Of course even though he completed this impossible task, which left Mr and Mrs Broflovski speechless when they saw Kyle being given credit on the news, Kyle's parents still won't let him go to the concert, explaining he wasn't supposed to do it. In his fury, he shouts out his wishes of not having parents as he runs out of the house, shocking his parents. While hanging with the guys at Kenny's house, Kyle tells of his wishes that he didn't have any parents. Cartman suggests that he call the police and tell them that his parents have been "molestering" him, which will make them go away for a while. Kyle does this and the police take his parents away. Kyle and Ike are left on their own (the authorities believe they are with a grandmother who is in fact dead). The boys go to the concert; later, Kyle hosts a house party. After discovering how liberated they are without their parents, all the children soon call the police on their parents and teachers, and the adults in South Park are taken away - those that weren't arrested left town. Before long there are only children populating the town.

A week later, a couple from out of town, Mark and Linda, has a breakdown with their car and they find the town of "Smiley Town" (the South Park sign has been overwritten with "Smiley Town"). They get to a garage where Butters greets them. They ask for the nearest phone but are told that it is in "Treasure Cove." Soon they discover South Park has been divided into Smiley Town and Treasure Cove by a long white line. The couple are attacked by kindergartners when they enter Treasure Cove. Driven back to Smiley Town, they are taken to meet the mayor, Cartman. Knowing that a ritual called "Carousel" is going to be held that night, Cartman asks the couple to go to Treasure Cove to retrieve a book for him. Getting the book will force a member of Treasure Cove to be sacrificed to The Provider. The couple finds the book (and Kenny's dead body). They are attacked when they retrieve the book.

The couple are taken back over to the Treasure Cove (the elementary school) where Stan and Kyle are in charge. They want to know why the couple are helping the "fat ass." If the couple agrees to help them out, Stan agrees to get them to the nearest phone. He then tells them the story of "the long long ago, the before time", which includes the reasons for the existence of Smiley Town, Treasure Cove, "Carousel" and "The Provider". Stan and Kyle's less civilized, yet more benevolent tribe is at war with Cartman's more civilized tribe. The couple agrees to help the Treasure Cove kids get the book from Smiley Town. Meanwhile, the parents are in prison, working out their "sick sexual urges" with a counselor who helps them identify what activities there are besides molesting their children. Back in South Park, the man gets Cartman's book for Stan and Kyle, but Mayor Cartman has his wife, who is now bound and gagged and being led forwards with Cartman's group. Cartman isn't given his book back, so one of his own must be sacrificed and he chooses Butters. When the couple starts to interfere with the ceremony, Cartman threatens him with the "M" word. The man finds out that the children have accused all their parents of molesting them. He tells the kids in a Shatner-esque speech that their parents, the "birth givers" are their providers. The word "parents" triggers memories in the children, which cause them to change their minds. It turns out it's only been ten days since the town emptied of all grown ups and parents and turned the town into Smily Town and Treasure Cove and caused horror. They allow the man to make his important phone call and a phone call to the police, clearing their parents of all wrong doing. The man tells the woman that maybe they should have children, but after all they've been through, she decides to get her tubes tied.

The children await the return of their parents, and when they do arrive they are cured of the "sick sexual urges" that they never had. As the parents are reunited with their children, Mark and Linda drive up and reveal that Mark got the job that his "important call" was for: the manager of a Denny's restaurant.

Kenny’s death
Kenny is found dead at the John Elway statue along with two other kids. Instead of Stan’s "Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!" the man says "They’ve killed him," and his wife simply says "The bastards." Kenny was sacrificed during Carousel.

Censorship
When this episode first aired, during the prison therapy sequence, the counselor uses a cardboard cutout of The Beaver from Leave It to Beaver and tells the parents to suppress their urges to rape him. All reruns and the DVD version change "rape" to "molest", though the closed captioning does retain the original line.

Cultural references

 * This episode's title is a play on the Whac-A-Mole arcade game.
 * When Stan speaks about how the children ended up alone, and presents their religious system, this is a parody of the feral children's ritual "tell" in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.
 * "The before time" and the Shatner-esque speech are references to the "Miri" episode of Star Trek.
 * According to the audio commentary, this episode originally had Cartman trying to block the sun out of "Smiley Town". This was planned for the whole weekend of production before this episode was made. On that Monday, however, a writer revealed that The Simpsons 'already did it'. The show was eventually changed, but this event eventually inspired the plot for the episode "Simpsons Already Did It".
 * The ritual known as "Carousel" is a reference to the 1976 film Logan's Run. In the movie, people who have reached the age of 30 are sacrificed in the ceremony of Carousel, which ostensibly holds the possibility of "renewal."
 * Mark (the husband of the couple) calls Craig by the name Spaceman Spiff. This is a reference to Calvin and Hobbes, referring to one of Calvin’s alter egos.
 * Much of the episode draws on Children of the Corn.
 * In one of the cutaway scenes the whole South Park gang of kids are seen dancing to the tune of "Old Time Rock and Roll" by Bob Seger.
 * When Kyle slides across the hallway wearing his underwear and a pair of sunglasses, it's a reference to the same act by Tom Cruise in Risky Business.
 * When Kyle writes a letter to Fidel Castro to persuade Cuba to adopt democracy, the song he sings sounds similar to "Blue Christmas" from the TV special The Year Without a Santa Claus.
 * The retrieve the book sequence mimics a plot point from Army of Darkness.
 * The fact that the boys are split up into two different rivaling groups that have no adult authority may be a reference to Lord of the Flies by William Golding.

Quotes

 * Kyle: What I understand is that you two really screwed me over! Why should I have to listen to you?!
 * Gerald: (angrily) because we're your parents.
 * Kyle: (furiously)WELL I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PARENTS! (storms off)
 * Sheila: (shocked) KYLE!?




 * Kyle: It's so unfair! How can my parents do that to me?!
 * Stan: Parents can be pretty cruel sometimes, dude. They get off on it.
 * Kyle: They're evil! I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PARENTS!
 * Cartman: Well, you…could make them…go away for a while.
 * Kyle: How?!
 * Cartman: Well, I mean, you…could…call the police and have them take your parents away.
 * Stan: The police?
 * Cartman: Yeah, I saw it on TV. All you gotta do is call the police and say that your parents both molestered you.
 * Kyle: What's that?
 * Cartman: I don't know, but it works. When I wanted to get rid of my mom's last boyfriend, I just called the police, and said he was molestering me, and I haven't seen him for three months.




 * Kyle: What's "bad touch"?
 * Cartman: Something bout a swimsuit, I don't remember, but you definitely answer "bad touch"!




 * [Song that convinces Castro to convert to democracy.]
 * Kyle:
 * If I could have one wish, just one wish in the whole world
 * If I could have one wish, it would be for Cuba to change
 * 'Cause I think all of the Cubans are in pain
 * All the joy in the world, from sea to shining sea
 * Doesn't mean a thing, if Cubans aren't free
 * I just can't be very happy, I'm certain
 * Not as long as your Cubans are hurtin'
 * Oh won't you search your soul and find a way to change your mind
 * That is my one and only wish