Asspen

"Asspen" is episode 603 of the Comedy Central series South Park.

Plot
It starts off with the Marshes, Broflovskis, Cartmans, and Stotches planning a weekend vacation skiing at Aspen. They express concern over the cost of the trip, until Chris and Linda point out that, in exchange for attending a half-hour timeshare meeting, they get a free two-day trip there. The parents then make up their minds to go that weekend, and they take their children with them.

On their first day in Aspen, they awake to find two timeshare salesmen, named Phil and Josh, waiting at the door. They urge them to attend the meeting, but the parents are a little reluctant, as they had hoped to attend it later, and ski right at the moment. In the boy's room, Cartman gives Butters a "Hitler" while he's sleeping. He describes it as "Putting your finger up your butt, then wiping on the person's upper lip and giving them a little Hitler moustache".

They next are at the bunny slope, and an instructor, called "Thumper", is teaching them the two primary feet positions in skiing: the pizza, (skis wedged together in an angle) and the french fries (skis are parallel). When Ike attempts to ski down the slope he crashes through the wall of the lodge. During the boy's practice, a teenage skier, named Tad Mikowsky, comes by and starts ripping on Stan's name, saying that rather than "Stan Marsh", he ought to be called "Stan Darsh". After this moment, the main plot of the story parodies classic teen and sports films from the 1980's; the only difference is that Stan and the other boys aren't really concerned.

In the subplot, the parents are tired of sitting through the timeshare presentation, as it has been well over 30 minutes.

After trying to entice them for over three hours, the salesmen are getting nowhere. Finally, Randy and Gerald can't take it anymore and announce that they and the rest are leaving. Seemingly accepting the decision, Phil asks the parents to turn over their table place cards, which they do. It turns out that their place cards have the "red sticker", which can be redeemed for one of three prizes. Meeting a flat refusal, the salesmen break down into sobs. Exasperated, the parents finally agree to claim their prize, which turns out to be an exclusive ski lift. Glad that their ordeal is finally over, they board the lift, only to discover with dismay that the lift deposits them in the same meeting room they had just left.

Back on the slope the boys are still practicing, until Tad, having stolen Stan's supposed girlfriend Heather (whom Stan is meeting for the first time), comes back and challenges Stan to a race. Stan agrees, with the condition that Tad will leave him alone if he races him. Stan loses the race, as he himself predicted, and is approached by a dorky teenage girl who calls him "really brave" and invites him to the teen youth center to dance. That evening, at the youth center, the boys discover that Tad's father plans to bulldoze the center (Stan, obviously, doesn't care). Tad then steps up on the stage and sings a song about Stan (Darsh Darsh Darsh Stannnnn Darsh), then somehow mistakens Stan's irritated response as a call for a rematch. The teens respond by saying that if Stan wins, the youth center will survive. Tad agrees, and declares the race will be on the K-13, the "most dangerous run in America." Kyle, unwilling to lose his best friend, especially after losing Kenny, tries to talk Stan out of it, but not even hearing the history of the mountain (explained by the old mechanic from Butters' Very Own Episode) will make him change his mind. At this point in the episode, Stan starts inexplicably caring about beating Tad. He goes to Thumper, and asks him for help training. Thumper agrees, and they along with the dorky teenage girl train to the appropriately titled song Montage. In the scene, Stan trains and studies, the parents are forced to sit through their timeshare meeting and a tearful Kyle stares at the K-13 holding a picture of himself and Stan.

The next day, the parents are still at the timeshare meeting, unable to leave. In desperation, they call the police, only to discover in horror that the police work for the timeshare company as well. At gunpoint, they sit down to continue the presentation.

As the big race down the K-13 proceeds, Tad has the advantage. Despite being clearly ahead of Stan the entire time, Tad stops three times to sabotage Stan's efforts. First, he cuts down a tree to block Stan's path. Then, he dumps sand to slow Stan down. Finally, he brings a cage full of hamsters with the plan of unleashing them to create havoc (Tad never releases them though), but Stan is so incredibly slow on the run he avoids all of the obstacles. In order to make sure Stan wins, the dorky teenage girl stops Tad in his tracks by lifting her shirt. Stan wins, the youth center is saved and Kyle is relieved that Stan wasn't killed. Ironically and quite humorously, if Tad had merely run the course without trying to sabotage Stan, he would have won the race by a large margin just like the first time. At the conclusion of the race amidst the celebrations, Heather comes to meet Stan, and wishes to be his girlfriend "again". The dorky girl looks upset, and says he should let her. It is then expected that he will say no to Heather, and be the dorky girl's boyfriend instead, but just at this moment, the boys' parents, having finally bought some timeshare property, return and ask how the skiing was. The boys respond that it sucks and are upset at having to come again every year, mainly due to the fact they don't understand the rules of this culture. They all leave for South Park. As the episode ends, the dorky teenage girl reveals what's really under her shirt: It is Kuato from the movie Total Recall, who then says the line "Quaid.......start the reactor."

[edit] Goofs After losing the first race, Stan puts his skis and ski poles down in the snow. In the next shot of the boys, the skis and poles have disappeared.

[edit] The video montage In this episode, a song called “Montage” is performed by Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s band DVDA. A video montage is shown as Stan trains to become a better skier. The song was later reworked and used by Parker and Stone in Team America: World Police. A similar scene appears in the episode “Up the Down Steroid,” where Cartman works on his handicapped act at the Special Olympics, using “Push it to the Limit” by Paul Engemann, the montage song from Scarface.